Catshade's Catharsis Corner SE: Daydream Believers

Wednesday, September 8, 2004

Mood : *calm* *introspective* *excited*
BGM : "My Stupid Mouth" – John Mayer

Gosh, you REALLY make my day. Jika ada satu trait yang benar-benar pasti bisa dikaitkan denganmu yang tak terdefinisikan itu, maka itu adalah 'omni'. Tidak pernah setengah-setengah; tidak pernah tanggung-tanggung. Even when you're playing with your puny creation's fate and life. Sekali lagi, terimakasih untuk segala kelegaan jasmani dan rohani yang telah kau berikan –dengan tidak seperti biasanya bermurah hati– belakangan ini. But is the price, the consequence, really worth it? I wish I have an immediate answer at hand. That's why I usually keep the most dangerous (and offensive) things inside my head; being a safeplayer instead of risk taker, because you'll never know when this stupid mouth starts to offend someone, which is one of many reason I rarely use it. Oh well...

Sudah tiga hari semester baru dimulai. Besides the problem aforementioned, everything goes well until now. Tugas di tim kesehatan sewaktu PSAU (alias ospek/mapram, buat yang merasa lebih familiar dengan itu) berjalan lumayan baik, at least cukup untuk membuat eksistensi disadari oleh sebagian anak baru. Ada juga sedikit kejutan, though, karena tiba-tiba diminta oleh seorang senior yang nggak dikenal sebelumnya untuk bergabung dengan PSYCHE, majalahnya komunitas psikologi UI yang lagi vakum. Whoa, it's been a long time since I wrote for public consumption. Rupanya dia salah seorang mahasiswa yang dikaryakan oleh dosen mata kuliah Bimbingan Menulis untuk membantu memeriksa entri-entri jurnal. I don't know why she consider my writing is good enough when I myself think that these past few years are my lack-of-creativity period. Tapi ya sudahlah, akhirnya berkompromi dengan jabatan penulis lepas, karena semester ini sudah mengambil 3 mata kuliah pilihan yang pastinya bakal cukup menyibukkan diri. Weee, tampaknya semester ini kok malah jadi lebih study-and-organization-oriented ya? I'm wondering where my slacker trait went off...

Catshade wrote @ 09:20 p.m.

=== === === === === === ===

Thursday, August 26, 2004

Mood: ...
BGM: "Two Way Monologue" - Sondre Lerche

When I read that Satan is actually the extension of your dark materials, I should've known that this kind of after-effects will come after my wish was granted. But that's ok. Go on. Make my day.

Catshade wrote @ 07:57 p.m.

=== === === === === === ===

Wednesday, August 25, 2004

YOU CAN CRUCIFY ME ALL YOU WANT, BUT DON'T YOU EVEN DARE TO HURT MY FRIENDS AND MAKE THEM CRY!

Or is it, after all, my fault too?

Catshade wrote @ 10:49 p.m.

=== === === === === === ===

Tuesday, August 24, 2004

NOW WHAT DO YOU WANT?! DO YOU WANT TO LAUGH YOUR ASS OFF AND MOCK ME?!

Catshade wrote @ 09:06 p.m.

=== === === === === === ===

Monday, August 23, 2004

If it's not enough, then take my whole life as the price for it.

Catshade wrote @ 09:28 p.m.

=== === === === === === ===

Monday, August 23, 2004

Mood : *ambivalent* *dissatisfied* *ironic*
BGM : "Anata no Tameni" – L'arc~en~Ciel

God, for you're the so-called omnibenevolent being, this is my objection: I know I should thank you for all these happiness, confidence, and easeness that came suddenly in my life, which was for some time quite miserable back then. But if all those came with the expense of hers, I'd rather YOU take mine again instead, and give it back to her.

Catshade wrote @ 03:51 p.m.

=== === === === === === ===

Saturday, August 14, 2004

Mood : *disappointed* *sick* *nocturnal*
BGM : "Now or Never" – Chemistry meets m-flo

I think I missed the hell days of daring assignments...a little bit too much. Gara-gara itu jadi sering pulang kul malem, lupa makan, dan tidur 2-3 jam sehari (make it 3-4 if you include the short naps in philosophy class and city trains too), sementara sisa waktu aktifnya dihabiskan dengan katarsis dan stress coping. And physiological recklessness aside, gara-gara tugas ini akhirnya jiwa pemimpin lagi-lagi memakan dirinya sendiri, persis seperti DMR dulu. Lebih parahan ini sih, since kalo dulu di DMR sebagai ketua ekstrakurikuler bisa seenak jidat ngasih nilai A ke semua anggota, sekarang kita semua jadi subordinat yang harus kerja rodi demi mengemis-ngemis nilai bagus dari the big bad evil landlord a.k.a dosen yang pelit nilai (and the bad marks at previous UTS weren't a good start). Well, hasil akhirnya sama aja sih, let's just say that my self-defense mechanism triggered at the last moments (for this time, fortunately, a while after the last moments). Sorry to disappoint you guys, but don't say I didn't warn you back then.

Btw, I just found something Kierkegaard and I have in common :

"Everyone takes their revenge on the world. Mine's consists in bearing
my troubles and sorrows shut deep within me, while my laughter keeps
everyone amused...
...I laugh with one face, I weep with the other."

Catshade wrote @ 02:22 a.m.

=== === === === === === ===

Sunday, August 8, 2004

Mood : *busy* *tired* *happy*
BGM : "Beautiful" – Round Table feat. Nino

Blargh, selama tiga hari belakangan ini udah nggak terasa lagi yang namanya masa-masa liburan (excluding the SP, soalnya itu santainya kayak ngeles biasa). Until three days ago, that is. Meskipun sebenarnya tugas akhir buat Social Psychology sudah diberitahukan dan dibagikan sejak awal SP, namun seperti halnya semua mahasiswa/i prokrastinator lainnya yang bermotto "Don't do today what you can do tomorrow", kita baru mulai kerja tiga hari yang lalu, atau lebih tepatnya, seminggu sebelum jadwal presentasi. And what's more profound is, gara-gara nilai kuis dan UTS yang rada jelek, jadi kita semua berpatokan bahwa untuk tugas akhir ini mesti dapet A. Have I told you how nuts these guys I'm leading? And yes, they chose me as their leader, which is already nuts enough. Maka jadilah kita the real Daydream Believers, ngerjain tugas dengan penuh perfeksionitas sampe malem (jam 7an) demi menghindari nilai C sebagai negative reinforcement. But all in all, it's fun working with them (meskipun sempet rada kesel juga karena kadang serasa dijadikan ketua pajangan ama yang lain). I hope the dream will come true, after all.

Catshade wrote @ 12:28 a.m.

=== === === === === === ===

Friday, July 30, 2004

Mood : *happy* *sleepy* *stuck*
BGM : "Big Shell West Bristol (OC remix)" – Metal Gear Solid 2

(the second part, obviously)

Pada akhir kuliah pertama, Bona (yes, THAT Bona from Indonesian Idol) meng-sms salah satu teman, ngasih tahu kalau siang nanti dia akan datang untuk makan siang bareng kita. Well, everybody surely misses him, tapi siapa lagi yang bisa lebih kangen selain ketujuh peernya ini yang tau hujat-hujatnya dia? (except his 'circle', of course) Now to be short, the meeting was quite touching, so to speak. And that was the first time ever I hugged an artist *got bricked*. Setelah nungguin dia jumpa fans sebentar di kantin kampus (and more of that later), kita pergi makan ke KAFE (Kantin FE). While I'm not gonna into details, let's just say that it brought back old memories of us, when he's still no one (terutama waktu umpel-umpelan bareng di jok belakang Taruna). To bad it ended so early, since the second course was about to start soon. Oh well, there's always next week to look forward ^^.

(note to princess: there's actually another paragraph after this one, but this, i say, is this. Unfortunately.)

Catshade wrote @ 01:26 a.m.

=== === === === === === ===

Wednesday, July 28, 2004

Mood : *philosophical* *serene* *calm*
BGM : "Big Shell West Bristol (OC remix)" – Metal Gear Solid 2

It's a surprise that the old man gave me an enlightement through a philosopher who declared the death of gods (or 'idols', to be precise) themselves, but of course, slapping things in the most delicate ways is his field of expertise. So there ya go, the rain in my heart came down, and the best part of it, is seeing its end. The fresh air and the rainbow.

Hari ini kuliah SP lagi seperti biasa, agak telat sedikit karena naik KRL instead of nebeng temen yang berangkat agak siangan karena kemarin gak bisa tidur. Mata kuliah pertama: Psikologi Sosial I. Baru inget kalo ada tugas yang mesti diselesaikan hari ini, tentang konsep gender modern. Oh well, there's always next meeting for that. Subject: Social Influence. Dengan mengesampingkan si dosen tua yang seharusnya sudah lebih banyak diberdayakan di penelitian daripada di kelas, I found this subject...intriguing (you should see me grinning for the entire two and a half hours). Terutama karena jadi teringat lagi dengan situasi belakangan ini dimana 'teman-teman' saya berusaha saling mempengaruhi (both in positive and (mostly) negative ways) satu sama lain, even to the n00bs. But enough of that matter for now; let the damned be damned. Selain itu, nothing special during the course. Barulah pada akhir kuliah pertama, ada berita yang agak mengejutkan.

(end of first part. to be continued to the second part tomorrow.)

I stare at the stars and the sky up above
and think "what am I made of?"
Am I full of sorrow? Am I hurt and pained?
Or am I filled...with love?

Catshade wrote @ 11:49 p.m.

=== === === === === === ===