Catshade's Catharsis Corner v. 6.01 : Malleus Maleficarum

Thursday, April 29, 2004

Mood : '_'
BGM : "Sweetest Pillow" – Ken Hirai

Sepertinya yang paling bete beberapa hari belakangan ini adalah si tua. Dan sekali lagi, as the adagio always speaks, cara paling praktis untuk menghilangkan ke-bete-an diri sendiri adalah dengan membuat sebanyak mungkin orang lain bete juga. For our oh-so-called omnipotent, omni'benevolent' creator, who else could be bugged 'sides his weak, puny mortals like us? Maka seiring dengan mulainya musim angin-anginan di Indonesia bagian sini (a.k.a pancaroba), mulai angin-anginan pulalah mood hampir semua orang yang ada di sekitar saya, seperti semacam mass-scale manic-depression. Entahlah, mungkin saya saja yang terlalu mengirasionalisasikannya dengan membawa-bawa si tua, tapi yang jelas ini bukan pendapat personal, karena beberapa orang lain juga merasakan hal yang sama. Ironisnya, justru pada saat-saat inilah saya sedang tidak stres-stresnya (walaupun masalah demi masalah berdatangan seperti biasa, at least saya tidak terganggu oleh hal itu). Yea, in times like these I can (un)fairly say that life sucks. So wake up and get over with that.

Catshade was damned @ 09:14 p.m.

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Thursday, April 22, 2004

Mood : ^_~
BGM : "Sepi Selalu" – La Luna

For someone whose ship is always beside mine… :)

Kala kau lara sendiri
Merasa sepi dan tak berarti, selalu sendiri
Hanya temaramnya malam
Dan rembulan yang selalu bersinar temani dirimu
Pejamkanlah matamu dengarkan kataku

Hadapi pagi dengan ceriamu
Hapuslah lara dalam hatimu
Ku slalu temanimu
Warnai hari dengan senyummu
Jangan hindari jalan hidupmu
Nanti kau kau kan merasa bahagia

Catshade was damned @ 07:48 p.m.

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Monday, April 19, 2004

Mood : +_+
BGM : “Poor Leno” – Royksopp

Duh, saya nggak tau lagi mesti seneng apa kesel. Selama minggu kemarin roda kehidupan saya sepertinya sedang di atas-atasnya. Sebut saja: UTS Filsafat yang dapet A (while half of the class got D/C ^^;), kepanitiaan pekan anime yang bisa dibilang lumayan sukses (with expected minor flaws here and there :P), operet angkatan yang berjalan dengan lancar (those bastardized angels were hilarious! XD), dan beberapa kejadian minor lainnya. Semuanya hampir-hampir sempurna tanpa cacat cela, until…BLAM! Si Tua dengan isengnya (as always) memutar roda itu, menggelindingkan hidup saya dalam satu kedipan. Semuanya dimulai ketika setelah pekan anime dan operet angkatan, keesokan siangnya komputer saya menolak untuk menyala. Then my cat sense suddenly tingling. This is the beginning of worse things, saya pikir. Dan benar saja, setelah minggu itu berakhir, kejelekan demi kejelekan datang, nggak silih berganti, melainkan keroyokan sekaligus. And here I am, bloodied and battered mentally. Supaya nggak tambah stres saya terpaksa menonaktifkan mode manusiawi saya, sehingga sekarang saya terpaksa balik lagi jadi hermit yang merepresi semua emosinya. But of course, none of these problems can be solved If I don’t do something, anything… --;

Catshade was damned @ 07:54 p.m.

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Sunday, April 11, 2004

Mood : -_-
BGM : "Lyrics" – Zwan

here comes my faith to carry me on
a faith, not a grave
a fight to to stay strong
so i stand accused of playing numb
i know it as wrong
for i give my strength
i give my heart
take these chains
and hold them as ours
for i must shine
and i will a star
in a season all mine

a lyric, a time, a crusade, a line
one minute, a friend, a road without end
a lyric, a time, a crusade, a line
one minute, a friend, a road without end

so here is the view
i cast about
i'm leaving no room
for you to get out
you'll never get out

dove, can't you cry without an aside
be warm invite
i need you as my way
across my life
to spend these years
create a new thought
for i give you strength
and offer my heart
take these chains
and hold them as ours
for i must star
and i will shine
in a season all mine

a lyric, a time, a crusade, a line
one minute, a friend, a road without end
a lyric, a time, a crusade, a line
one minute, a friend, a road without end
a lyric, a time, a crusade, a line
one minute, a friend, a road without end
a lyric, a time, a crusade, a line
one minute, a friend, a road without end
a road without end

Entah kenapa, Paskah mengingatkan saya akan lagu ini (and not the other way around). Tapi sedihnya (or rather, the lack of it), entah kenapa Paskah tahun ini rasanya biasa-biasa saja. Ok, there were mushy-mushy feelings here and there, but sofar nothing has touched that soft spot. Parahnya, malah pada hari Sabtu kemarin, hari yang dalam istilah saya masih masuk 'the silent hours' antara Jumat Agung hingga Malam Paskah, saya malah ke TA untuk gathering dan berhedon-hedon ria. Yea, this is the first time I spent 300k in a mall. Padahal biasanya saya pelit dan emoh beli barang-barang mahal (Standar 'mahal' catshade : makanan di atas 10k dan minuman di atas 5k. Go figure that.) Saya memang sadar kalau belakangan ini saya rasanya makin badak dan insensitive, tapi haruskah sampai separah ini? What a scary thought...

Neko-chan : Sorry, not in the mood lately... m(-_-)m

HK : Gedein di View -> Text Size aja...^^;

Catshade was damned @ 01:36 p.m.

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Saturday, April 3, 2004

Mood : ^_^
BGM : "Happy Birthday to Me" – Megumi Hayashibara

Thanks, everyone. Bye. *disambit* Bukan kenapa-napa sih, cuma belakangan ini lagi males ngeblog aja (or writing in any form, in general). For those who are worried, don't. I'm perfectly fine and (in)sane ^^. No sorrow, no grief, or whatsoever. So, thanks again for everyone who has congratulated me. Bye. *flaps*

Catshade was damned @ 08:05 p.m.

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Sunday, March 28, 2004

Mood : ^_-
BGM : "Coffee and TV" – Blur

So give me coffee and TV
Peacefully
I've seen so much, I'm going blind
And I'm brain-dead virtually
Sociability
is hard enough for me
take me away from this big bad world
and agree to marry me
so we can start over again.

Catshade was damned @ 08:04 p.m.

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Saturday, March 27, 2004

Mood : ^_-
BGM : "Web" – Mew

Thanks to you, I'm alright now. After all, mungkin gak seburuk yang disangka sebelumnya untuk jadi 'lone wolf' lagi, meski situasi akademisnya tidak terlalu mendukung hal itu (well, di luarnya masih banyak waktu kan?). Ya nggak setiap saat sih, since saya masih berusaha untuk bersikap eklektik sedikit. Toh nggak ada salahnya untuk jadi 'homo socius' sebentar, istirahat sejenak dari titel 'freak' (yang pastinya akan dicapkan pada saya setelah menjalankan ini ^^;) dan mengikuti arus bersama orang-orang 'normal' lainnya. Still, ada beberapa momen yang sudah sempat rusak dan tak bisa diperbaiki lagi selama fase ini. Oh, well. Meskipun itu cukup menyakitkan, anggap saja begitulah konsekuensinya. Can't guarantee a full-clean slate, though...

Catshade was damned @ 11:51 p.m.

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Sunday, March 21, 2004

Mood : -_-
BGM : "Dunia Lain Untukmu" – Kahitna

It seems that my new habitat has turned me into a social animal. A kind of animal that always craving for interaction, attention, and...love (any kind of it, that is). This change, as mentioned earlier, is not without its backdraws. The depth is lost. Quantity overcame quality. No wonder it triggered the self-defence mechanism by creating a regression. With a sense of irony, my old self is trying to take the throne of consciousness back. Now I can taste again this feeling of isolation and loneliness that crept back in, the fear of opening the deeper, more personal layer of my self, by rebuilding the fortified wall that once had broke itself apart. What can change the nature of man? The Dark Ages, ladies and gentleman, is coming...

Catshade was damned @ 09:38 a.m.

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Saturday, March 13, 2004

Mood : '_'
BGM : "been so long" – m-flo

I think I'm starting to know the big picture that the old man has given to me almost a year ago. But knowing such thing like this never came in an easy way. Consequences, consequences, and consequences. Haven't you realized the bad mood that surrounded many people in these last few days? Can't blame the rain...

Btw, masa kalian gak tau? ^^; Ini dari seri Hellsing kok (you DO know what "Hellsing" is, don't you?). Well, emang wajar sih kalo gak ngeh pas pertama kali ngeliatnya, soalnya yang di atas itu adalah si Walter pas dia lagi muda (dan lagi bishou-bishounya ^^;) yang gak ada di anime dan cuma nongol di manganya.

Catshade was damned @ 01:27 p.m.

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