3D Images
Monday, June 28, 2004, 07:16 p.m.

These are wicked cool...if you can see them that is ;)


This one is a Bison; he (or maybe she) is standing on a plain looking to the left.
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This one is a pig. He, or she, is also looking to the left, and appears to be taking the time to smell the roses ;)
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This one appears to be a potted plant.
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This one has a biplane in the background flying east (if east is to the right) with a skydiver in the foreground.
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These floating faces are pretty cool too. The wierd thing is that when you get this one, the number of faces in each row actually increases by one.

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Grammar check, my arse!
Monday, June 28, 2004, 10:41 a.m.

Word 2002 thought there was a problem with the following sentence:
A train cannot stop anywhere near as quickly as a car can, nor can a train swerve out of the way to avoid a pedestrian or another car.
In particular, Word 2002 had a problem with the phrase "can a train swerve". Go ahead, paste the entire sentence into your own Word program, then run the grammar & spell check and see what Word suggests.

I may not be a Grammar God, in fact I may be a Complete & Utter Bastardization of the English Language, but I do know that the changes recommended by Word are wrong, Wrong! WRONG!

Just more evidence that Bill Gates wants to shape the world in his own image, poor grammar and all.

Ok, and before anyone tells me that the entire sentence is convoluted and way longer than it need be, that's not the point of this post. The point is that neither of Word's suggestions to "fix" my sentence would have fixed it.

Yes, I am aware that the sentence really should read "A train cannot stop as quickly as a car, nor swerve to avoid a pedestrian or a car."

I make no qualms about it, I am a Complete and Utter Bastardization of the English Language...but it's my friggin' language and I can do whatever the hell I want with it! :D

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Best of the Best
Sunday, June 27, 2004, 10:34 p.m.

I've got to admit to a fondness for B-grade martial arts films, well, not just B-grade, I love damn near any martial arts films. I just watched Best of the Best II, and you know it's not a high quality film when it's titled Best of the Best, and it's no II ;) but it was still damn entertaining. Ok, so it followed the tried & true B-grade martial arts movie plot of "friend/brother/father/random male relative of the hero is killed fighting in an illegal/underground martial arts tournament, thus the hero must avenge his friend/brother/father/random male relative's death", but hey, if it ain't broke, don't fix it ;)

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busy, soooo busy
Thursday, June 24, 2004, 01:09 p.m.

I want to add an entry, but I also have soooooooo much work to do. Got a project to close out, and also have a major report I'm working on and trying to finish, and I'm trying to be good and work rather than goof off like I normally do...which includes blogging at work rather than working. Sustained concentration on something other than a leisure activity is not my forte.

So, all I'm gonna write is how cute John Edward was last night while playing Golden Sun with intense fervor on my Gameboy. I'm sure Liz will drop by and add some more details at some point :)

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Opposite sides of the same statement
Tuesday, June 22, 2004, 10:56 a.m.

An English professor wrote the following sentence on the board:
"A woman without her man is nothing"
and asked his class to provide the correct puncutation.

All of the male students wrote:
"A woman, without her man, is nothing."

while the female students provided this gem:
"A woman: without her, man is nothing."

Simply more proof that there is no way men (in general ;) can ever hope to understand the female mind.

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Freakin' $%&#@ Spyware!!!!
Tuesday, June 22, 2004, 08:14 a.m.

I just spent an hour and a half removing all of the damn spyware and adware from my work PC!!!

I guess it's kind of my fault that it was on there in the first place, on account of how much surfing I do at work, but the malovent nature of the beasts that are spyware and adware allows them to piggyback into your PC when you install other seemingly harmless programs.

I have the latest Ad-Aware, as well as Spybot S&D, but neither of them picked up the crap that was obviously f**king up my PC. I have Google's toolbar installed, with it's Popup blocker, but I still had Pop-ups popping up. The real bastard was the pop-ups which popped up when I first booted up my PC. Before I could even open Explorer or Navigator I'd have Pop-ups popping up!

Touch wood, but I think they're gone now...we'll know soon enough, but I think I finally got rid of them...at least until the next batch appear.

FRIGGING POP UPS!!!!

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More questions & answers
Monday, June 21, 2004, 03:04 p.m.

I borrowed(???) this from the lavagrrrl

Who would you most like to get stuck in an elevator with?
Jennifer Connelly

Were you named after anyone?
My father, and his father, and his father, and so on ;)

Do you wish on stars?
Yes

Which finger is your favorite?
Um...I don't believe I have a favourite finger...

When did you last cry?
Probably during "Brother Bear", and I was not the only parent to cry during that movie either ;)

Do you like your handwriting?
I'd like to be able to write, not just print.

Who do you consider to be your best friend?
That would be SimplyRed.

Any bad habits?
Yep. Plucking my nose hairs in public is possibly one of my worst ;)

Who is your biggest supporter?
My dad.

What is your favorite radio station?
93.9 KZLA

If you could see one person who has died who would it be?
Jonno...although I still see him in my dreams.

Do looks matter?
Yes, but beauty is in the eye of the beholder.

Have you ever misused a word and it sounded absolutely stupid?
No, but I've used a word when I meant to use it's opposite. Then there are some people who make fun of my accent and subsequent pronunciation of certain words. You know who you are ;)

Do you think there is a pot of gold at the end of the rainbow?
Yes.

Do fish have feelings?
Fish are sensitive to changes in their external enviroment, and are also capable of feeling emotions.

Are you trendy?
I doubt it :P

How do you release anger?
LOUDLY AND VIOLENTLY!!!

Do you trust others easily?
Too easily...if my middle name weren't Stewart, it would be Gullible, or Naive.

Do you have a journal?
Yes...you're reading it.

Do you use sarcasm a lot?
Not a lot...but with some regularity.

Would you bungee jump?
Probably.

Are you in love with anyone?
Yes.

Do you untie your shoes when you take them off?
Usually.

What's your favorite ice cream flavor?
Something with coffee, or Rocky Road.

What's your favorite color?
Black.

How many wisdom teeth do you have?
All four of them.

Would you rather spend your life with the one guy/girl you love, or spend your life cheating and getting everyone you can?
I already am...spending it with the one I love, that is ;)

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Any time is Nintendo time
Monday, June 21, 2004, 08:58 a.m.

I've got a new toy; a Nintendo Gameboy Advance SP, in Platinum :)
It's kind of cute but I've just discovered that Nintendo are releasing a retro version styled on a controller for the old, original, 8-bit nintendo, which is also kind of cute...and I sort of want one of them now...but I think that I like my Platinum version a little better because the Retro version looks a little...something...chintzy maybe??? I'm not sure what word I'm looking for here.
If you recollect the gay couple in The Simpsons, they owned a store which had 80's things, like toy robot Astroboys, and Homer ended up moving in with them during one episode...anyway, I'm looking for the word that would describe the stuff they had in their store to describe how I feel about the retro gameboy. It's desirable, but only in a novelty sort of way.

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HP & the Prisoner of Azkaban
Sunday, June 20, 2004, 10:57 a.m.

Ok, so I got to cross #99 off my list of movies last night ;)
It was actually a fairly good movie, and I guess it's doing ok to have made 1M, but considering HP#1 made 7M while HP#2 made 1M, I cannot see HP#4 doing very well at all and I highly doubt HP#5 will be made unless JK Rowling puts up some of her own millions to get it made.

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Three Free Moofies
Saturday, June 19, 2004, 12:40 p.m.

A couple of months ago I called my Cable Company to complain that my bill was too high, so they gave me a package normally reserved for new customers which meant we got a lot of channels for free, including the Sundance channel.

Shortly afterwards I received a Thank You Card from Sundance, who offered me three free movies for being a new customer. No, there was no S&H, no catch, I just had to go to their website and enter my mailing info and they'd send me three movies.

The three free movies finally arrived today ;)

There is "Searching for Paradise", "The Hired Hand", and "Melvin goes to Dinner".

None of them scored very high at IMDB or Netflix, but "Melvin goes to Dinner", with 3.5/5, seems to be the pick of the bunch.

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Movies I haven't seen
Saturday, June 19, 2004, 08:55 a.m.

Everyone else (Xinher, SimplyRed, & Cheesemistress) have listed all 100 top grossing movies of all time, and that's ok. I'd rather not fill my entire Blog with the names of 100 movies so, out of those 100 movies, these are the ones I have not seen. The bolded titles are movies I have little to no desire in seeing.
7. Passion of the Christ, The (2004) 0,025,697
26. How the Grinch Stole Christmas (2000) 0,031,035
35. My Big Fat Greek Wedding (2002) 1,437,427
40. Signs (2002) 7,965,690
42. Mrs. Doubtfire (1993) 9,200,000
47. X2 (2003) 4,948,780
48. Austin Powers in Goldmember (2002) 3,079,163
50. Austin Powers: The Spy Who Shagged Me (1999) 5,399,422
52. Exorcist, The (1973) 4,565,000
55. Gone with the Wind (1939) 8,655,278
56. Pearl Harbor (2001) 8,539,855
64. Fugitive, The (1993) 3,875,760
67. Perfect Storm, The (2000) 2,618,434
68. Liar Liar (1997) 1,395,380
72. Planet of the Apes (2001) 0,011,740
80. Home Alone 2: Lost in New York (1992) 3,585,516
81. Elf (2003) 3,381,405
87. Tarzan (1999) 1,085,177
88. Beautiful Mind, A (2001) 0,708,996
94. Catch Me If You Can (2002) 4,435,221

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Ladies, you too can pee standing up
Friday, June 18, 2004, 08:50 p.m.

Ok, I probably shouldn't help to promote this, because the supposedly uniquely male ability to pee while standing up is the absolute last thing we guys have that we can lord over the gals.
How to Pee while standing up.
I guess I'm just a traitor to my gender ;)

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The people we go to school with
Friday, June 18, 2004, 06:58 a.m.

Last night I found out that one of the guys I went to school with has what it takes to kill a man and attempt to get away with it. G had apparently had a little too much to drink one night and while driving home managed to hit a pedestrian. Instead of stopping G apparently drove the rest of the way home where he proceeded to wash his car. It was only then that G finally called the police...to report that his car had been stolen.

G is now serving 4 years in a local penitentiary.

Of course G is also the guy who, in college, had an affair with one of our married friends; it wasn't too long afterwards that our friend was no longer married.

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Gothic Poetry
Thursday, June 17, 2004, 01:48 p.m.

"Darkness Descends"

around, all around, the angels gather.
my dread grows as the Dark One's touch falls against my naked soul.
It crushes me, and darkly my life's blood drips to the barren land.
in unholy terror I cry out while the end of life looms over me.
now alone, my fervent plea falls upon uncaring ears.
this is death.

Create a Gothic Poem of your own.

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Good dog
Wednesday, June 16, 2004, 12:06 p.m.

Rico is a Border Collie, just like Anzac. I think Anzac is just as smart as Rico. Anzac is learning not to jump all over me when I greet him at the end of the day; that when he is a "good doggy" he gets a lot more pats.

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A weird "Whack-A-Mole" game
Wednesday, June 16, 2004, 09:35 a.m.

can be found right HERE!

You use your numeric keypad to play this game, which means it's sort of like a numeric keypad training exercise, sort of. I accept no responsibility if you're playing this at work, get caught by your boss, and try to claim it's actually teaching you how to touch-type with your numeric keypad ;)

Hint: After whacking some of the monsters, they will leave behind a coin or heart or some other goody. Whack the coin or heart or goody to collect it and earn "Power Ups". Why do you want or need Power Ups? I don't know, just play the silly game :P

P.S. I also accept no responsibility if you get hooked by this game and get RSI from over-use of your numeric keypad ;)

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More faces from the past...
Wednesday, June 16, 2004, 08:15 a.m.

What is it with dreams?

I had a dream last night where the starring role was played by a girl I knew in High School, who I haven’t thought about or seen for over a decade. Where do these people come from?

What makes someone who you haven’t thought about for years appear in your dreams?
And not just a cameo appearance, but a main role.

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The weekend, cont.
Sunday, June 13, 2004, 09:31 p.m.

Saturday morning was JE's birthday party at Chuck E. Cheese, which is one of his favorite places to consume sub-average pizza and play numerous video games. The party was scheduled for 10am but at that time we were the only people present, and I was a little concerned that those invited had forgotten they had a party to attend that morning. It took a little while but everyone did turn up and we all had a great time. JE even headed up into the kiddie habitrail to go down the big slide. Fortunately I noticed a sign at the entrance to the habitrail which said parents could join their kids because as soon as I climbed up to the top I discovered a crying JE, distraught because he couldn't find the entrance to the slide. We crawled around inside and made our way back to the entrance which was where I discovered the slide, so down we went. Now JE knew where the slide was he had no problems going up by himself and sliding down.

We played for a while, used up most of our tokens and ended up with about 300 credits which we saved up for next time to get a better prize. Is it just me, or is Chuck E. Cheese like kiddie gambling???

After the party we went to the YMCA to register JE for swimming classes...I couldn't convince Liz to sign up as well, she claimed she couldn't learn to swim because she's pregnant. Like that makes any difference. What about all these women who give birth in swimming pools...ewww...I sure hope that's not in our YMCA's swimming pool. Nasty!

Anyway, we lined up for about an hour just to register JE & his cousin, who took swimming class last year but apparently needs to take the class again...well, he is only 4. After registration we headed back to JE's cousin's place where they played for quite a while. Liz's cousins made some really good guacamole, iced-tea, and iced-coffee and we kicked back in their living room while the two boys played trains.

On the way home, JE fell asleep after about 5 minutes in the car. He was exhausted! He was so tired he was complaining about every little thing then BAM! Just like that, he was out of it and fast asleep.

We dropped him off at Liz's parents' house, but practically wasted our free evening at home bumming around on the 'net ;)

Sunday morning I actually got up at 6am. My Uncle Peter & his (second) wife were getting back into the country. They'd just spent 3 weeks in Australia at a family reunion which I was unfortunately unable to make it to. Turns out practically all of my relatives on my father's side were there. All three of his brothers and his sister stopped by, that is the first time they've all been together since their mum died; several of my cousins also made it.

So Uncle Peter was due to get into LAX at 0730 but his plane was delayed...by 10 minutes. There are also several other international flights arriving at 0730 and because Uncle Peter's flight was just 10 minutes late the customs area was packed with passengers by the time they landed, so they were all kept on the plane until an entire flight's worth of passengers (450) had cleared customs. By the time they made it out to me it was practically an hour later.

Fortunately they were able to get their boarding passes for their domestic flight back to Cleveland very quickly, so as soon as they had their boarding passes in their hands we were off to a local Denny's for breakfast. We were originally planning to go to an IHOP but the line of people waiting to eat there was out the door and as we passed the parking lot there were more people heading for the restaurant, so Denny's it was. The Denny's was also pretty full but not as in-demand as the IHOP...and personally I like Denny's better.

It was good to see my uncle again, even if it was only for a couple of hours.

Afterwards we drove to the El Segundo Bakery because earlier this week I'd bought a couple of Sausage Rolls there. I only had a and the baker had no change so he told me to pay him next time. No come on! How many stores can you name where the owner would allow you to take the merchandise and pay for it at a later date? Sure it's only of food, but still. This is not the sort of treatment one would expect from a store in Los Angeles County. So, a big shout out to the El Segundo Bakery!

Alas the El Segundo Bakery is closed on Sundays, so I was not able to repay my debts, but I will.

Then we took JE to Venice Beach. Talk about another long day, and talk about fake boobies. I don't know, maybe it's just the cheap boob jobs that are blatantly obvious (Hey! Look at me!), as I'm sure there were more than just two women on the beach that day with fake boobs.

JE & I had a great time wading in the surf, we must have looked like total tourists but I didn't care. I was having fun with my son :) Sure, we were wearing jeans with rolled up cuffs, entirely inappropriate beach attire, but so what, we had fun ;)

Just like the day before, JE was in the car for barely 5 minutes before he was asleep ;)

This has been a great weekend...even if Liz did get a nice sunburn ;)

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The weekend so far
Sunday, June 13, 2004, 06:17 a.m.

This Friday I drove Liz's aunty & uncle to a Mantel warehouse in Pomona so they could check out Fireplace Mantel's for the house Liz's cousin is building. It took me a little while to get there from Arcadia because I missed my connecting ramp off the 210east (I was looking for the 57) so I ended up driving all the way out to the 15south then came back in along the 60west...which means I drove halfway to Vegas (almost). The upside is that because we drove so far, aunty & uncle treated me to dinner at a Dim Sum restaurant. Oh boy, was it good, especially the desert pastries which were a baked tart with some kind of egg custard inside, I think. It had just the right amount of sweetness too it and went down perfectly with the chinese tea.

After dropping aunty & uncle off back in Arcadia I went shopping at Santa Anita mall. First stop, the sword & knife store :D I'd taken JE there a few nights ago, he looked at a couple of the sculptures and then was wowed by all of the fantasy-style knives they have. We need to buy them he said, to beat up the bad guys, and I watched amazed as he did a kiddie ki-ai and performed a very nice upperbody block. Then he ran out the store and I had to chase him, so today I was back to have a better look at what they have in stock.

They still have the Zatoichi, which is the sword modeled after that used by the blind swordsman of the same name in the Japanese series of movies which later spawned Rutger Hauer's "Blind Fury". It now costs a few dollars more but the blade has been tempered a little better to bring it more in like with a traditional samurai-style blade. At 5 it's an inexpensive and very nice looking blade. Of course I wasn't there to shop for me, I had to buy something for Liz, so I bought her a gift certificate at Victoria's Secret, because I had no idea what to buy her and she didn't know either. You can't go wrong with a VS Gift Certificate :)

Then it was time to buy JE a gift, but first, the driving range, where I discovered that I just couldn't hit the ball. One ball even went sideways further than it did down the range, landing in front of a guy about half a dozen golfers tee boxes down. I think I was trying too hard, or something, hell I don't know what I was doing or not doing. It wasn't until I broke out the woods that I actually started swinging well, and even then I once had to swing three times with my 5-wood before hitting the ball. Man, was my swing off! The 3-wood & driver hit better and I actually got some good hits in, out to 250 yards. If you're wondering if a few goods hits out of 40 are worth it, yes, they are ;) Then it was off to Toys-R-Us to buy some jigsaw puzzles for JE.

To be continued...

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Holy Leaping Snapper Turtles!
Thursday, June 10, 2004, 07:42 a.m.

So I'm having a dream where I'm taunting a Snapper Turtle. It keeps charging at me and I leap over it and laugh, which really pisses it off because this is not your average Snapper Turtle.

Three times it charges at me and each time I jump over it and laugh at it. Then Grant, a schoolmate I haven't seen for maybe 10 years, walks up and the Snapper Turtle turns on him. It leaps into the air (I told you it's not your average Snapper Turtle) and lands on Grant's leg. It then bites his thigh (no, it bit his thigh, if it bit something else I'd tell you) and Grant screams in pain. The Snapper Turtle then climbs up Grant's body, biting him as it goes, until it reaches his chest and is looking him in the eye. It then proceeds to snap at a very hysterical Grant's eyes.

I kick at the turtle and manage to knock it down to the ground where it once again turns its attention on me. As I begin to fend it off, I am woken up by Liz who is pushing me for some reason, perhaps I was snoring, or screaming "Die, Snapper Turtle! Die!".

Still half asleep all I know is that something is "attacking" me, and as the last thing I recollect attacking me is a really pissed off Snapper Turtle I grab what's "attacking" me and hold on. It's then that I finally wake up and realize I've grabbed hold of Liz's hands.

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Quickly now! Answer these questions ten!
Wednesday, June 9, 2004, 03:37 p.m.

You can answer the following questions in me comment box:
1. Who are you?
2. Have we ever met? That's IRL, not online!
3. Give me a nickname and explain why you picked it.
4. Describe me in one word.
5. What reminds you of me?
6. If you could give me anything, what would it be?
7. Ever wanted to tell me something but couldn't?
8. Are you going to put this on your weblog and see what I say about you?
(If ya are, I needs ya blog!)
9. What do you love like a fat kid loves cake?
10. What makes you come back here?

Oh yeah! I got this from Xinher ;)

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Fun with Bumper Stickers!
Tuesday, June 8, 2004, 08:39 p.m.

I'm a proud parent, but even I'm getting tired of those pathetic stickers parents have posted on their cars' rear bumpers.
So your kid had perfect attendance for the month and you got a crappy sticker for your car. So what?!
In this age of non-discrimination and fairness some schools have decided that every child in every class should be Student of the Month at least once in a school year. Really, they have. That's not something I just made up!
Er...ok, maybe it is and I just needed to rationalize why I'm making fun of those bumper stickers.
Arrr, who needs a reason? Let's make fun of 'em anyway!










Can ya think of any more funny bumper stickers?
If ya can, writes 'em down in me comments box! Ha Har!!

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Angeles National Forest
Monday, June 7, 2004, 03:02 p.m.

We took John Edward up to the Angeles National Forest above Arcadia this weekend. He'd been reading our Thomas Guide (L.A. Street Map) while in his carseat and after seeing the large expanse of green on some pages decided he wanted to go to the forest. Fortunately we took him this weekend, because as of today, June 7, 2004, Santa Anita Canyon Road is closed for repairs until early September, later this year.

Liz & I went up there several years ago, on my first trip to the USA. Being a country boy from Smalltown, Australia, the metropolis that makes up the sprawling County of Los Angeles got too much for me and I'd pointed to the Angeles National Forest and told Liz we were going there "to get the hell out of this city." So we drove north on Santa Anita Ave, headed up into the foothills, parked the car for free (it costs per day now) and hiked into the Sturtevant Falls.

I thought it was a nice walk, a downhill stroll of about a mile to the stream which you follow upstream for maybe another mile. We got to the falls and Liz sat down and didn't move for a good twenty minutes or so. On the way back she discovered why the final uphill leg has been nicknamed Cardiac Hill, and just why there are benches practically on every turn; we must have sat down at almost every bench for Liz to catch her breath. When we finally got to the parking lot at the top of the hill Liz threw me the keys and told me to bring the car to her because she wasn't walking any further.

I'll let John Edward get a little bigger & stronger and then I think the two of us will head into the falls. I'm sure he'll appreciate that.

This time, we left Liz at one of the picnic tables near the parking lot, and John Edward & I went for a stroll up one of the trails. The little guy was just running up the hill; he was obviously really excited to finally be in the forest. We got to a fork in the trail which told us that the shorter of the two hikes was still a 5-mile round trip. Despite John Edward's enthusiasm I don't think he was really ready for a 5-mile hike. We walked onwards for a little way but with a pregnant Liz waiting back at the picnic spot I knew we couldn't stay away too long. Of course when I told John Edward we had to go back to mummy he didn't take it too well. He wanted to keep on hiking.

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"The Terminal" - the real story
Thursday, June 3, 2004, 11:26 a.m.

Mehran Karimi Nasseri was a political refugee, imprisoned then expelled from Iran in 1977 after protesting against the Shah. His expulsion from his home country left him without a passport and for 9 long years Nasseri travelled Europe, applying for refugee status in country after country, only to be turned down time and time again. In 1981 Nasseri's request for political asylum was finally recognized by the U.N.'s High Commission in Belgium, and he was free to seek citizenship in a European country of his choice.

In 1986 Nasseri began his travels towards his chosen home of England, but in France tragedy struck; his suitcase containing his refugee documents was stolen from him at a Paris train station. Undeterred, Nasseri boarded a plane bound for London, but when he arrived at Heathrow without a passport the British officials sent him straight back to France.

Arriving back at Charles de Gaulle Airport, Nasseri was met by the local gendarmes and arrested for illegal entry, but because he had no identifying papers there was no country to which he could be deported and so he was detained right there at the airport.

Six years later, in 1992, a French court finally ruled that Nasseri had entered the airport legally as a refugee and thus could not be expelled from it; Nasseri was safe from deportation. But as the French Government refused to allow Nasseri to enter Paris itself, and with no desire to fly anywhere but to England, a country which would not accept him, Nasseri remained in Terminal 1 of Charles de Gaulle.

Nasseri's lawyer looked to Belgium where he hoped to reclaim Nasseri's original refugee documents, but Belgian refugee officials refused to mail them to him in France. They argued that Nasseri had to present himself in person so that they could be sure he was the same man to whom they had granted political asylum years before. In a typical beuracratic "Catch-22" the Belgian government also refused to allow Nasseri to return there, as under Belgian law a refugee who voluntarily leaves a country that has accepted him cannot return.

In 1995 the Belgian government told Nasseri he could return to collect his documents, but only if he agreed to live in Belgium under the supervision of a social worker; he refused, choosing to remain at Charles de Gaulle.

In 1999 Nasseri was finally presented with an international travel card and a French residency permit, which would allow him to take up residency in France or fly to another country willing to grant him entry. Nasseri refused to sign them because they listed his nationality as Iranian and he wanted it listed as British.

It's now 2004 and Nasseri still waits in Charles de Gaulle airport, the place he's called home for the last eighteen years.

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Homer J. Simpson - man or god
Thursday, June 3, 2004, 10:46 a.m.

Homer Simpson should be considered a god. Not God with the capitalized G, but one of the many lesser gods, with a lower case g.

Just as Hercules performed seven heroic tasks to obtain god status, so has Homer Simpson achieved far more in his life than any ordinary man could ever hope to accomplish. In fact it is unlikely that any man (or woman) could ever live up to the high standards set by Homer. On their own, each task has been accomplished many times and by many people, but until Homer J. Simpson came along, never before (or since) has any one man or woman performed all seven Legendary Tasks of . . . HOMER-cules!

#1 - Flew into deep space and was responsible for the safe return of the Space Shuttle "Corvair".

#2 - Toured with the Smashing Pumpkins and survived being shot by a cannon at extremely close range.

#3 - Single-handedly prevented several meltdowns of the Springfield Nuclear Power Plant.

#4 - Bowled a perfect game, scoring 300 points.

#5 - Won a Grammy for Barbershop Album of the Year, with the B-Sharps.

#6 - Fought (sort of) Drederick Tatum, Boxing's World Heavyweight Champion.

#7 - As "Mr. X", won a Pulitzer Prize.

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It's Prairie Dog Season
Wednesday, June 2, 2004, 03:11 p.m.

*** WARNING ***
The site found at the following link contains graphic scenes some individuals may find disturbing...especially if you object to Prairie Dogs getting torn apart by a high-velocity .223 round, and I do mean torn apart. Those little guys just explode when you nail them!

Praire Dog Be Gone!

Now in case you think it's not very sporting to blow away fluffy, cute little Prairie Dogs, let me throw a figure out there.

1,234!

That's the number of riders killed by Praire Dogs every year after being thrown from their horse when it stepped in a Prairie Dog hole. A lot of people know that, but they don't know that very few of those 1,234 riders died from a broken neck or injuries sustained from hitting the ground.

Nope, as the rider lay stunned upon the ground, dozens of Prairie Dogs actually emerged from their holes and set upon the hapless rider, literally tearing them to pieces.

The way I see it, it's us or them, and I'd much rather it be them.
Die, little Prairie Dog! DIE!

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Miss Australia
Wednesday, June 2, 2004, 08:18 a.m.

Last night Jennifer Hawkins, the reigning Miss Australia, was crowned Miss Universe.

Yeah, I'm happy for Jennifer, but I think this was fixed.
Where was Miss Venus? Or Miss Mars? Or Miss Jupiter?
How come the only entrants in Miss Universe were all earthlings?

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