alone again...
Wednesday, July 31, 2002 09:11 a.m.

Dreadful day at work... charts are driving me mad...

HOT and smelly in NYC.. had dinner with the folks and with the girl from Taiwan... she went to the airport soon after...which means I get to be all by my lonesome again...thank goodness... something weird I've noticed about me...I go through phases of needing people around me and to talk to...and then I just want to be left alone. I don't know what is up with that... I'm just moody... right now...I kind of need both.

Got a chance to talk to Monnette and Jack Pien... blasts from the past... it was good to catch up...

Supposed to have lunch with Jenny D tomorrow...it's been almost a whole year since we've seen each other ! Man... I suck at keeping in touch sometimes... but I always come around eventually.

Pray for me...pray for my friends...these problems never end... to quote Jimmy Eat World.. "Your problems they aren't problems. Thank God, they never will..." um...but they are problems... ugh.

Another quote: I am human and I need to be loved...just like everybody else does.

HOT... ugh.
Tuesday, July 30, 2002 09:05 a.m.

It was just HOT... I had no desire to go to the gym...and I may not again tonight... but I worked out at home in my ACed apartment... didn't do much else.

One of the girls from Taiwan went to stay at her homestay house in NY with some family her school set up for her. The other one is leaving today. She's at my apartment with Justin right now...and I think they are going to try to go to MOMA by themselves... I don't know if that is such a good idea...

I've had a lot on my mind lately...not really sharing it with anyone. I've been in a weird state for awhile...figuring out what I want and want to do in my life. The summer just makes me nuts...I want it to be October! Things are always better in October... *sigh*

So, it looks like the Ann and Andy's wedding will be an entire weekend affair. It should be lots of fun and a good way to just forget about all the problems everyone is dealing with and focus on a beautiful future for our friends...

This week will be crazy...next week might be worse... maybe I should hide...but I want to be brave. Just too much for me to deal with. ARRRGH. Leave me alone... and yet... I need to be brave for my own sake.

weekend...
Monday, July 29, 2002 09:12 a.m.

Not much happened... sma e old stuff.. gym etc...

The two 19 year olds from Taiwan are pretty cool...they've been watching a lot of TV and hanging out with my folks.. I've just been puttering around and cleaning up. Not much excitement...and since the weather is getting warmer and warmer...I don;t think I will be very productive.I get kind of paralyzed when it is too hot and muggy.

A cool thing... my friend Jenny (who used to work in the WTC) her office has finalyl moved back to the city...and she's on 18th! So, less than 10 blocks away means we can hang out more. She's like the only person I keep in touch with from my MFA program...kind of sad...but we writers are a solitary type.

Please keep praying for my friends and for me. There is just so much stuff going on and I'm wondering why we only turn to God when things are bad... It's a silly question ...but that is our nature...

Maybe I need a change of scene ? Maybe I need to get out of here...

The big A and A wedding is coming up... people should eb getting into the NY/NJ area by Thursday...and I think a bunch of us are staying at the hotel until Sunday.... it's going to be fun and hectic.

I just want the summer to be over already...is that so wrong ?

*NOTE*** Awww... man... Christine just did the nicest thing. She bought me a Cabbit plushie! Out of the blue...it's probably the nicest thing she ever did for me. It's not secret that I haven't been feeling all that great lately...but for C to do something remotely nice... REMOTELY ...really means something. So this is a shock. A good one, though. What a sweetie! Who woulda thunk it???

I love JEW !!!
Friday, July 26, 2002 09:00 a.m.

Ok...so I didn't get tix to Def Leppard...but I had Jimmy Eat World to look forward to after a day of drudgery at work...

Desparecidos and The Promise Ring and some random band opened up...they were all pretty good... The wait for JEW took longer than expected...and as usual I was sexually accosted. Some little blonde girl behind me pressed her boob in my back for a good 15 mins...and rested her chin on my shoulder... um...ok... and when she left...ANOTHER little blonde girl did the same ... what the heck ? When did I turn into some leaning post? It was crowded...sure...but no reason for it...

Anyways... JEW tore it up and played most of the stuff from the new album...you know the songs...and they played "No Sensitivity" ... aaaahhhhh. It was an amazing show... the pit was incredibly hot and sweaty and I drenched my t-shirt into two shades of green... and poor Chris...we lost each other for awhile...he said it was fun but "never again!!!!" it was a good experience for him... I'm getting kinda old too... maybe I should sit down at other concerts.

Still not sleeping all that well.. I wonder... am I thinking and assuming too much.. piecing things together that will just drive me nuts ? Sometimes knowing for sure helps... but it doesn't change the way I feel... at least I don't think so.

All I know is that I don't know anything. My world has been turned upside down and I always feel like I am at the crossroads of something. But what do I want...what do I need...and what is God trying to tell me? I don't know. I don't know.

This brittle, ample heart of mine... and this dumb, thick head... what to do with me ?

Oh...TGIF... I need to get outta here.

must...stop...drinking!
Thursday, July 25, 2002 09:09 a.m.

So another day of work comes and goes...and I meet my folks for dinner once again...this time it is a thank you dinner for my Mom's co-worker and some other people from "the reunion class" ...in any case...either I was too tired from not sleeping well again...or I had too much to drink... I was not my usual charming self... too bad...

I've come to the realization that EVERYONE I know has some problem or other at any given moment...I can't remember the last person who told me that they were A-OK and that everything is peachy...it just seems like everyone is struggling with something major, minor, or seemingly earth shattering...me, I just want to feel like myself again... where did he go ? I miss him...he was cool.

Sometimes the past... it heals the present...and maybe the future...I don't know what is going to happen. I just want things to change for the better.

Kare Kano !!! HAHHAHAHA so much like me...

Jimmy Eat World with Chris tonight...my cousin is so cute...he loves concerts now! First Korn...now JEW...it should be fun. ...and boy, do I need it.

coolness... but still not sleeping well...
Wednesday, July 24, 2002 09:07 a.m.

Yes...more gym...my foot is kind of swollen ...I guess from the treadmill and stuff..

Went home in the rain... showered and had dinner with the folks... pretty much it.

Talked to Romana for a little bit... seems like the ups and downs as usual with her. My other friend...still not sure how her father is doing...more prayer.

Got to watch some of GTO disc 3... gave me a little bit of joy...

Even so... I ended up having this awful, awful nightmare... and it was in part inspired by MTV's Sorority Life, Vanilla Sky, and other things...it sounds ridiculous...but I woke up at like 3 AM really upset and was tossing and turning all night. I'll leave the details out...but it was a usual "this person is playing this person in your dream" ...so I didn't recognize anyone...but I knew who they were "cast" as... weird? It's always been like this.

Why can't I sleep ?!?!?! Stupid metabolism is to blame? And stress?

Having dinner with my Mom's boss later tonight... and then my weekend is shot...it's my parents' anniversary but the girls from Taiwan are getting kicked out of their dorms and need to stay until ...Tuesday ?!?!? So I have to help babysit them...ugh...

and work... and other stuffies. Lord, help me through all of this !!!

almost inebriated !!!
Tuesday, July 23, 2002 09:07 a.m.

Yes...more work...brief time at the gym... some major stuff happening... Unca Shelby is getting used to his role and one of my friend's Dad is sick...no details to spare...since I'm not sure what is going on...but pray for them.

Went out to dinner with the folks and Justin...the big baby is growing up... I haven't seen him in a week and he looks like he's getting older... *tear*...anyways...we had dinner with some of the people from my folks' reunion class...including the infamous Unca George...whom I haven't met yet...apparently he is the resident millionair and he pays for everything...he's kinda brash and reminds me of some actor...but I can't remember who...in any case...I had 5 glasses of some cheap Merlot and was feeling no pain...though a little dehydrated.

The new haircut... I think I looks somewhat Papa Roach-ish... ala Jacoby Shaddix... the lead singer. Maybe I should get a tattoo... hmmmm

Esther is going through a lot...pray for her and her future plans. One of her friends is going through a horrible time right now... pray fro divine healing...all around. Sometimes, that's all we can do. Hope.

yeah... other stuff... but I'll keep it to myself.

productive weekend...
Monday, July 22, 2002 09:22 a.m.

Had dinner with the folks on Friday and didn't do much else after wards...it was raining so...blech.

Yes...more gym... and then helped Gary paint his bathroom a little bit... I think I did more harm than help..oh, well... we ended up getting food with Lisa and watched Monster's Ball..one of the most depressing movies I have ever seen...ugh. not a pick-me-up film.

Sunday...I got up early and went to Redeemer's first service ...it was good. I don't know where Tim Keller is though... then I went to get a hair cut...which ended up being waaaaay too short but I guess it looks good... back to the city and met with Grace Kim.... she's going to Hawaii and then moving to HK for work! It was good seeing her...actually sat next to Maria Wu from high school! I run into her once a year or so...she seems to be doing well... Gary actually gave me a ride home since he was still in the city...so it was a long...but productive day.

Esther got home safely. Hooray!

Work...ugh...it's Monday.

more Gary,,,
Friday, July 19, 2002 09:31 a.m.

So...haven't gone to the gym in awhile... instead...went home and watched some TV and waited for Gary and Lisa to pick me up.

Went over to Gary's house where he was doing some laundry and picking up some more things to bring over to his new apartment. It's the first time in his life that he is actually "on his own" so there is a lot of stuff that he needs to get used to. His mom had dinner ready for us. I always loved her cooking ! It was good not to eat salad for once. In any case...it was nice to be around people. He also found the program for STUY SING from 1993 ! WOW...almost ten years ago I was doing my thing on stage...how weird.

Shelb's brother is expecting their twins TODAY. I think his wife is having a c-section...wow...Shelb's gonna be an uncle. Pray for them! Welcome to the world, babies !

TGIF...what am i doing this weekend ? Not sure yet...should meet with Grace Kim before she leaves for vacation and then for HK for... a year or more!

Esther should be on the plane soon... pray for her safe flight home and for her future plans.

I just need some rest....hopefully I can get some real sleep this weekend...urrrrrgh.

day off...
Thursday, July 18, 2002 11:45 a.m.

So, after helping Gary set up his TV...I decided to take a sick day...Just not feeling all that great in general.

Puttered around, watched TV, cleaned up, sold stuff, wrote... it was productive...though I did have a stomachache...so I guess I was sick. Weird I fell asleep watching Amelie and had the air conditioner on. Woke up half hour later...sweating and in tears... odd... what was that all about ?!?!?!

At night...my folks and I took a bunch of family friends from Taiwan (three freshman girls learning English at Julliard of all places) out for dinner...and to PLAYLAND. Which I haven't been to in well over a decade... Went to see fireworks and they went on a few rides...The language and age barrier are just huge...it was fun to watch them jibber jabber and I caught most of it...but in any case...I was off in my own little world.

Change is good...and it can also be disastrous...please keep me in your prayers.

Pray for Romana...she went to her Dad's bestfriend's wife's funeral....

back to work... got to keep busy... I need to sleep properly. Lord, when will I get some rest ?!?!?!

same old stuff...
Tuesday, July 16, 2002 09:46 a.m.

Yes...more work and more gym. C has been out for two days...I hope she is ok...

After gym went to best Buy with Gary...I've been unusually good and have not bought much in awhile. I think it's come to the point where I just want to get rid of all my material possessions and live a monastic life. In any case, Gary got a TV stand and I finally got to see his new digs. Man, I am jealous...brand spanking new pad with nice stuff...I want to just gut all the crap in my apartment and start over...clean out everything and just have a nice clean space without all the clutter. I don't need this crap!

Gary's been having problems...and so have I...so it's good that we can bond and just chill. Might go over again tonight to help him set stuff up.

Couldn't sleep very well...combination of too much gym, cherry pepsi, and assorted other stuff...man, I need to sleep or something...my metabolism is all out of whack...but I look good...so I guess that's a plus.

Hoch is pregnant ! OMG!!! wow...baby in November ! She's going to Korea for two weeks...and she'll probably get there just as Esther comes back to NY.

Esther seems to be having a good time there...lots of deep reflective moments and getting some stuff she needs. It will be good to hear some of her stories and just to see how she is doing.

loooong weekend.
Monday, July 15, 2002 09:02 a.m.

well... Friday after work I headed out to Jersey to meet my family. Had dinner with my aunt, uncle, and Alex... and wiated for everyone else to get here. It was a quiet Friday...But then Saturday...got up and went to my folks reunion class BBQ. It was funny. Lots of Asian people eating and being loud... and I guess I look a lot like my Dad since they all knew who I was.

Anyways...bad stuff.. I was walking on a field when some random dude was telling his nephew that his mother had cancer...ack...did not want to be around someone's deep conversation so I bolted only to get stung on my big toe by some unidentified big black insect! OWWWWIIiiiiEEEE!!!COuldn't walk for awhile and had to ice it...but it's a little better. Kinda swollen. Headed to the man made beach they had on the lake and just soaked my feet and contemplated the future and my current state of being.

The kids are fun...my brother Justin is just getting big, but Alex is still like a baby...but very much a boy and his friend Vicky...man ...they are going to get married. It would be so cute if they did...Her parents and my aunt and uncle kind of think it's going to happen. Very adorable.

Chris didn't come in until after the BBQ and it took him forever to get to Jersey....by then I was beat and just slept.

Sunday was good...got up and prayed with Chris for a bunch of things...then the family went out to a farm in Princeton and went berry picking. It was fun. They had homemade donuts.

Back on Sunday...don't want to work. Don't want to be in NY.I just want a change of scenery...I need to get away for a long time and get out. The gym always helps. Guess where I will be tonight?

what is God trying to tell me???
Friday, July 12, 2002 09:11 a.m.

Ok... so this guy who went to my church IMed me out of the blue...we were never that close but I thought he was a great guy. So we actually talked for awhile and he just opened up and shared about how he's been going through a lot of personal and family problems and how he wish people would show more love. I guess he was telling me this because me and my brother were notorious for being very open and caring about people in an Asian/Christian environment built on "distance and propriety"...in any case...I'm glad we talked and I will pray for him and his future.

Faulkner. Wow...I really got into the last 100 pages or so of "Absalom, Absalom!" it was really masterful how he managed to pull together so many GRAND elements and pull it together in a mishmash of stream of consciousness/IDegoSuperego/time displaced/ clarity...whooo.. I want to read more...I need to get back to lit...even though I deal with it here everyday.

Interesting things happening for Romana...in terms of where she is going to live. Keep praying for her and the possibilites that seem evident to arise.

GYM...and more GYM...I'm not even sore anymore...run 7 miles and lift for ages...I'm crafting and sculpting the body I've always wanted... I'm giving myself until February to see if I make my "goal"...now...if only I can get the rest of me in shape. *SIGH*

Heading off to Princeton for the weekend. wooooo TGIF!

dinner, bath and beyond....
Thursday, July 11, 2002 09:23 a.m.

Work is work...not much going on here. Just doing random things in the office...getting ready for the "new technology" that they are about to introduce. blech.

Met Roseann for dinner, we went to a diner by NYU. And I had my usual grilled chicken salad...I've been eating the same thing for like a whole week now...and I'm still not sick of it. In nay case...we had a good talk about everything and anything...She's doing well...she got a teaching position at a charter school in the Bronx. It sounds very exciting and a good match for her. I hope she really makes it work. It's going to be a long commute but if it is so right, it should work out.

Then we hit Bed, Bath, and Beyond becuase Roseann had this little anecdote printed in the NYTIMES! It was a funny story about kosher ice cream...some guy asked if the owners were Jewish...they said "No, but the ice cream is." Only in NY! SO, she got a picture frame for the article...and I got another duvet cover to match the one I had. I am so domesticated...it's kinda scary.

In nay case, we'll be praying for each other. She's a good friend. Though we don't always see eye to eye...we still get along, have fun, and genuinely care about each other. MY SISTAH !

I'm getting a little obsesive with this working out thing. But it feels good and it numbs the brain. Which is always a good thing! Can't wait for this week to end. I need to get away from the city.

Salads...
Wednesday, July 10, 2002 09:34 a.m.

So, I get a much better workout on the treadmill.... but I am sore as all get out. My legs, ack! My legs...and me arse is a tad sore too. But I look good. And I need a new wardrobe...all my clothes are too big now. Go figure. Who'da thunk it?

I'm addicted to salads. I love them.

My cousin came over last night and I gave him some DVDs... he's younger but he gave me some words of wisdom. I need to get right with God and make some sense of what I want in the future. I love opher. He's the best. We prayed for Nina a little. She's in Mexico doing missionary work. I hope she does some great things there.

I need a break from the gym today. Having dinner with Roseann who I haven't seen in months.

Jersey this weekend? I need a break from NY. NY tends to piss me off sometimes...but at least it's not so hot. Hahahahha as if Jersey is any better!

it's all about the gym...
Tuesday, July 9, 2002 09:06 a.m.

Back at work...no fun. Lots of stuff going through my head and I can't make sense of it. All I know is that I spent over 2 hours at the gym...and it's the only thing I'm looking forward to today.

Started working on my VA audition tape...in the process of selling a bunch of junk...and just trying to make myself a better person in general.

I've forgotten how much prayer can help. I've just been praying for people, myself included. And asking God to guide us through the refining fires that He allows us to experience. I know that He has the best in store for me and THAT is my hope. I hope you know that God, in His timing, will show you the answers you've been looking for.

the weekend...
Monday, July 8, 2002 09:08 a.m.

So... not much happened...and yet there was a lot. Spent a lot of time with the kids...babysitting and playing...the 4th was somewhat uneventful... and so was the 5th... Actually... we went up to Boston to visit Eric on Saturday.

Got there...ate... went to Jillian's and then at night me and my bro went out to Worcester to see the concert that I missed on Tuesday!. 4 bands...the Boxes opened...eh...Hot Rod Circuit played the same exact set...but they were good...Superchunk played an odd set of older stuff... weird! And The Get Up Kids were pretty friggin' good...glad I got to actually see them this time! In any case...had a good time with my brother.

Sunday was odd... Church in Boston is completely different. New location, new people... I didn't eacatly feel too comfortable there. But it was good to go to church and pray and really pour out my heart. Saw some of the "older" folks that I know. Next time I see them will be for Andy and Ann's wedding...wow.

Esther got to Korea safely. Thank goodness...heard there were tornadoes/typhoon thingees in the area. We'll have a lot to talk about when she gets back.

So...got home... got ready for work...back to the grind.

Note the TO-DO list...I will be doing my VA audition tape this week. It should be done by Friday. Check that one off soon.

up early... coolness !
Friday, July 5, 2002 07:47 a.m.

yeah...I couldn't sleep... my long weekend and I can't even sleep in late. A combination of the heat, sleeping in the living room, the dripping showerhad and too muh on my mnd. UGH. It's been a hectic week in my simple life.

So...the family came over...the kids are all growing up...but they are still babies that need to be held and kissed. And they like video games.

I think I'm going to Boston for the rest of the weekend. Seems like we have time to go pick up the computer for Justin from Eric...and Eric still has that extra ticket fr Get Up Kids...so I guess I'll get to see them after all.

Esther is leaving for Korea today. I'm sure she will have a great time. She needs a break from all the craziness back here in NY. Pray for a safe journey. I'll miss her lots.

I want July to be a great month for me... a time of self-improvement. I have a long list of things I need to do. Let's just see how much I can do: 1. Lose another 10 lbs.

2. Clear the hard drive off my recorder and do my stupid voice acting audition tape.

3. Submit more poems to journals and finish a few chapters of my novel.

4.Start learning more Korean.

5. Sell more of my shiznat.

6. Apply fo more jobs.

7. Assorted other stuff that deals with my emotional, mental, and physical health.

Yeah...so the "Abe Improvement Project" is underway. Go, go, go!!!

Happy 4th!!!!
Thursday, July 4, 2002 09:20 a.m.

A little update on what's going on... Yvette is doing ok...she's probably more embarrassed than anything else...but at least she is alright.

Got out of work early last night...and I hungout with Justin and Deorah...the kids. We were in Flushing for a little bit and then I took them to see Men in Black 2 and Wendy's after that. The kids are definitely growing up and I feel a littl sad that they aren't going to be babies anymore. Ah...time...how cruel and how sweet! *tear*

So, It's still boiling hot and it will be until probably tomrrow sometime. So stay cool. Happy 4th! Be safe! Pray for our country! God bless America!

the WORST concert experience ever...
Wednesday, July 3, 2002 08:56 a.m.

Ok...I'm still freaked out and will be until Yvette calls. Let's just get to the bad stuff first... concert was fine...but right whent he Get Up Kids went on...Yvette grabbed my hand and just started to...drift...She was falling over and I did my best to hold her up...she crumpled to the floor by the sidelines and I picked her up and handed her over to the med staff. We rushed to the back...and they gave her water and oxygen. She looked so pale, her lips were blue. She was dehydrated...it was hot and we didn't have any water... I wish she told me how bad she was feeling...I had no idea until she started to fall... I took a cab with her to her place...and her folks were there. I'm waiting for her to call me...then I'll know it's ok...until then...I'm still a little freaked out.

Otherwise the concert was great...hot Rod Circuit was good...and CHunk had a lot of love from the nY crowd...the pit got crazy... and they played a cover of "Say My Name" to close the show.

Ok...I'm gonna try to go about my business...leaivng early today... long weekend here I come. I need it.

the WORST concert experience ever...
Wednesday, July 3, 2002 08:56 a.m.

Ok...I'm still freaked out and will be until Yvette calls. Let's just get to the bad stuff first... concert was fine...but right whent he Get Up Kids went on...Yvette grabbed my hand and just started to...drift...She was falling over and I did my best to hold her up...she crumpled to the floor by the sidelines and I picked her up and handed her over to the med staff. We rushed to the back...and they gave her water and oxygen. She looked so pale, her lips were blue. She was dehydrated...it was hot and we didn't have any water... I wish she told me how bad she was feeling...I had no idea until she started to fall... I took a cab with her to her place...and her folks were there. I'm waiting for her to call me...then I'll know it's ok...until then...I'm still a little freaked out.

Otherwise the concert was great...hot Rod Circuit was good...and CHunk had a lot of love from the nY crowd...the pit got crazy... and they played a cover of "Say My Name" to close the show.

Ok...I'm gonna try to go about my business...leaivng early today... long weekend here I come. I need it.

here comes the heat...
Tuesday, July 2, 2002 09:02 a.m.

It's progressively getting hotter here which is going to throw everything off...especially my sleep schedule.

Yesterday, Esther had an interview for Kaplan. Seemed like it went pretty well. She looked amazing...very professional and graceful. I'm sure she will get a job by September. She's got chutzpah and a good resume. I probably won't see her for almost a month. I'll miss her. That's a given.

Seeing Superchunk tonight for like the fifth time...and the Get Up Kids...which should be a great show. Haven't seen Yvette in months so it will be good to catch up.

work has been slow and tedious...I want to get out of here.

it was a weekend...
Monday, July 1, 2002 09:09 a.m.

So, Fridy after work I went shopping with Estehr for interview clothes and other stuff...it was nice. I hope she does well on her interview today. WHo could not love her? She's smart, funny, witty...she'll get a job before she knows it.

Lots of gym... and pretty much it. Watched "Vanilla Sky" which made me incredibly sad...how we perceive things...how time is our enemy.... how we deceive ourselves... maybe reality is better than the dream.

That's all I can say about that... it was a weekend... change is on the horizon...I can only hope it is for the better.

not much...but some.
Friday, June 28, 2002 09:20 a.m.

Ok...I don't make a lot of money...but in my position I am probably the highest paid...so my raise was a meager 3.5% which is probably the max... though we do get another raise in January...so it won't be all that bad...in any case...it's like an extra paycheck a year...

Not much else...Esther is home safe...I'm glad. But she has a million and one things to do before she leaves for Korea next week...which means...less cabbytime to frolic. This makes HULK MAD. HULK SMASH! But what can ya do... she needs to do what she needs to do. I understand...and it just makes me appreciate the time we've had already...even more.

So ...I am not the happiest camper...been working out hard...my back is super tight and I cramp up because the AC is on all night. UGH. At least I've been catching up on anime...

Oh...it's C's bday tomorrow...I got her a bunch of stuffies and taking her out for lunch today. She's a meanie...but she's my friend. Go figure.

TGIF... which means... more gym.

ahhhhh...it's the humidity!
Thursday, June 27, 2002 11:25 a.m.

It is just utterly disgusting in NYC right now... yesterday was worse...ugh... glad I slept in the living room with the AC on...otherwise I wouldn't have gotten any sleep.

At least the gym had decent AC... no way to run in this muggy weather otherwise.

C's bday is Saturday...need to finish up her bday present and stuff...

Not a lot going on...but at least it is Thursday! woooo !!

tired beyond all reason...
Wednesday, June 26, 2002 09:23 a.m.

Interesting... work...not so much but lunch was. Had Korean food (after the Red Devils lost) in KTown with Amy, Lana, Chris Song, and Angie... it was prettyf un wathcing the drummers and drunk FOBS accosting people in the street...but when I went outside...this drunk FObbyglassesguy with a painted face wanted me to carry a flag and dance around....but I really had to go to work...BE THE REDS!

This running on 3 hours sleep thing is kind of hard...but I've really missed staying up all night and just talking about random things with Esther. I think this is how we connect the best... which is kind of sad...because I want to see her.

But last night I actually got a little more sleep since I konked out at 11 and then got up at 230... but it was hot and the AC in my room is not so good... soI didn't get much sleep...again.

My dad is such a prick. You don't need the details...but it's official...it's on the web...everyone knows.

ARRRRRRE YOOOOUUU REEEAAADDY!!!
Tuesday, June 25, 2002 09:20 a.m.

First off...Yulee is engaged !!! ACK !!! We were just talking about this last week! "Maybe sometime this year...." well..sometime seems to mean this past Saturday! Congrats !!!

So... it was another Monday at work that went by relatively quick...I met up with Chris for some McD's before his FIRST concert ever... and we had a little heart to heart...we hung out at the bar a little bit before we took in the show...it was fun and a good bonding experience.

Deadsy sucked except for like one song...and Puddle of Mudd was actually really, really good..."Blurry" was even better live and they added a little bit of "War Pigs" towards the end of "Control" which really got the crowd going...and then...

...there was KORN. What a great show the band just played for 90 minutes straight... some really good stuff...played lots of old tunes... "TWIST/CHI," "BLIND," etc... and most of the singles from the new albums. Even a dash of "One" from Metallica thrown in "Someboday Someone." It was a great show...and Davis came out with the bagpipes for "Shoots and Ladders" and "Got the Life" closed the show in a rain of confetti. CHris had a greta time...he was totally rocking out to KORN I never would have expected it....All in all...it was a pretty good rocking show...except for the high/drunk frat guy from Commack that kept trying to pick fights with people ...he danced a lot between bands. weird.

After the show...we met up with Amy and Lana who are on their way back to Boston and CHicago...they stayed over.....saw Betty and Simone also... didn't get a chance to talk to them much since I was exhausted.... and I didn't get much sleep because some strange girl keeps calling me in the middle of the night. :)

Had a nice talk with her... she's having fun with the girls...but it's nice to be able to talk to her without her having to worry about her folks.... I missed it alot.

So once again...running on fumes... more work...ugh.

busy weekend...
Monday, June 24, 2002 09:11 a.m.

So...Friday... I was waiting for Esther by the NYPL where the lions are...and I ran into Christine Leong from STUY. We used to be really close...she was my metalhead buddy. And for some reason people thought we were related...odd...my "twin" um...no. In any case she is dating MW of all people...he's one of those love/hate guys...I'm actually indifferent.

So I got to see Esther for 30mins. It's weird... no matter how hard it gets...I'll fight to see her for 5 mins. I don't care...anything is better than nothing. She had to go meet with her girls and have Korean soccer victory pahhhty.

I actually went to Flushing to have dinner with my folks and Justin... so I was pretty close to the RED mania.

Saturday... Cleaning up... went to gym...had to babysit Justin...so I couldn't see Elaine before she took off for the rest of the summer. Anyways...we got fat food and watched South Park. Esther called at 3:00 ...she says she was bored and didn't miss me...but I know she did. I am super miss-able type of person.

Sunday...so I didn't get much sleep and Doris called so I rushed out to have brunch with her...it was nice...but I think she is cynical over pessimistic. Then rushed over to Chinatown (ugh...never, EVER go there in the summer) to meet with kaori, Gary, Lisa, and Christine came out too...Jen was stuck in the office and Diana was stuck in ...Albany. In any case...we had some food and talked in the boiling hot weather. I ended up getting a ride home and never made it to church... not enough sleep and I got a knot in my back...arrrrgh.

So Esther called at 3:30...I'm glad she did...I can eschew sleep for her...but dangnabbit woman... just come home! She'll be home by the end of the week. I do miss her everyday... silly girl.

Oh...my KORN tix never arrived so I had to call and get new tix printed...I'll go over during lunch and make sure to get them in my hands. I don't think Chris knows a single Korn song...but he loves Puddle of Mudd...so...we'll see.

Amy and Lana are coming in to NY so they need to hang out in the city until after the concert...then we can go home together.

haircut...
Friday, June 21, 2002 09:14 a.m.

That was probably the highlight of the day... haircut...it still wasn't short enough...but this poor new woman took like an hour cutting my hair...and I couldn't sit still and ask her to make it shorter...oh well..guess I'll just have to go back sooner.

Romana...she's been going through a lot. She called and we prayed together. I've had a lot on my mind too...so it helps.

oh...TGIF. The weeks just kind of blur now.

not much...
Thursday, June 20, 2002 09:22 a.m.

not much... gym and anime... Alex and Justin came over to play video games at like 10:00... it's a school night !

more news...
Wednesday, June 19, 2002 09:14 a.m.

So..Christin is dating some guy who is going to be California for the year... whereas she will be in Rhode Isalnd...I hope this works out for her...it's going to be hard to maintain... when you don't have a chance to see someone a lot...you miss out on a lot of the little quirks...the good and bad...and the faults...so... pray for her.

More gym...I've really lost A LOT of weight...I can fit into L size clothes now... weird... and my old clothes seem to be really big...crap...I don't really like the "baggy fit" look...but I can't afford a new wardrobe... oh well.

Somehting that needs to be said. I am different. I've never fit in any mold...never fit with any "crowd" ...never a "type"...I can't even be a "tortured poet" properly. I don't know... I just want to be me... I live for turth, beauty, and love. Is that ok?

pepper !!!
Tuesday, June 18, 2002 09:35 a.m.

So...we had salad.

Esther wanted to paint and do an "exercise"...so she started working on a stilllife... a lovely pepper and an apple. The pepper is nearing completion and it is wonderful...it looks better than the actual pepper! But the most interesting thing is how she mixes her paint on her palette...it's really fun watching the colors swirl in together and produce this new hue. I'm so ignorant it hurts...but I'm learning.

Makes me want to do something creative...so I played some hard rockin' tunes while she painted. I think it might have been annoying. :(

So...here we are. Idiot savants all thew way around. Nothing is ever easy. And the thing is...it's more interesting this way, isn't it ?

wheeeeeee weekend
Monday, June 17, 2002 09:23 a.m.

FIrst off... my back is really sore and no one will give me a massage. I am in pain !!! Help me ! Anyways...

I don't even remember what I did on friday...did I go to the gym? Best Buy had that grand opening sale... and then after that it was all a blur... except Esther called and let me know she was home a day early...I really, really missed her. I was glad to hear from her. earlier than I thought I would.

Our time apart really makes me appreciate all of our time together...from e-mail, to IM, to letters, to phonecalls...and seeing each other. I ama smitten kitten.

Saturday... did some major clean up in my apartment...It looks pretty nice...things are orderly. And hidden away from view ! I have a lot of space...but it should be filled soon.

Went out for Seal's bday. Yulee was here from Chicago! She's like all blonde! And she seems more mature, heck...she'll probably be engaged soon. Kate came out and Joe did also. We went to Houston's....so ...there goes my no red meat diet!

Met up with Elaine, her sister, her cousin and her fiancee and Ashley. Had a bunch of drinks and bar hopped. I had to break the news to Ashley... this boat has sailed !!!! I am really, really serious. I have a one track mind and heart...so sorry!

Sunday: Clean up ...gym... and incapacitated. COuldn't get up the strength to go back out to church...my back was just too sore...couldn't sleep all that well either. Everyone calls on Sunday... Amy, Romana, Shelb, and Esther... which I don't mind so much...but I wish they could spread it out during the week when I'm lonely ! :(

Anyways...I'm hopefully going to be seeing someone soon... so this will be an especially long day at work.

Letterman!!!
Friday, June 14, 2002 09:24 a.m.

Went to see Letterman taping last night...You have to pick up your tix by 530 or you have to wait on another line...Gary booked it over at like 529 ! Yeeeeesh. t was sooooo close to what is on TV... barely had anything that you don't see at home. Just about an hour...the only difference...the band plays longer. Matt Damon was the guest and Marc Maron was the comedian...I would have much rather seen a musical guest...oh well... It was a good experience.

Work was weird... 3 hour meeting talking about our feelings...and the transition and our "neutral zone".... oh crap.

Tone matters, details matter...but sometimes you have to have faith and take things at face value. Hakuna mattata (spelling?) ...you know what I mean.

Absalomsquared!!!!
Thursday, June 13, 2002 09:14 a.m.

So...I'm reading Absalom, Absalom! on the train this morning...and I look to my left and there is this geeky-type guy with a plastic bag (I bet from B&N) that has the cover of The Sound and the Fury !!! I would call that a moment. FAAAAAAAAUUUULLLLKNNNEEERRR!

Went to the gym last night... ate at home...my last taste of red meat until Esther gets back... it's about discipline, ok? Then I went home and did some major clean up stuffies.

Bored, lonely, sad, scared... things are just all-around-weird right now.

Gary got Letterman tix tonight. Should be fun. Matt Damon is the guest...and some comedian I think. More on this tomorrow.