gettin' better ?
Tuesday, March 5, 2002 09:29 a.m.

Title of on of my fave Tesla songs... and my current condition. I think "expectorant" is the way to go...get all this crap outta me and I think I should be ok in a day or so.

Saw "Magnetic Rose" part of MEMORIES last night...let me say...WOW. Some cliched parts...but on the whole...dang...that was worth the money. Good subs too.

Things with Romana are good... see if she takes care of Shao in Philly.. I hope they get along... heh.

C should be over any minute now to show me her new hair cut. I wonder if she will really be a "sexy, sexy little boy" ... how short is it ??? Intriguing....

Gym tonight ! I must...ended up staying late at work with an emergency assignment and was too tired and sick to go to gym. But I feel good...and I think I have motiviation to go tonight. DANG... gotta work it on out !

fever weekend !!!
Monday, March 4, 2002 09:46 a.m.

well...all my weekend plans went kerplunk since I was relegated to my apartment and my bed for most of the time. I haven't slept this much since.... college! Man... at least I am better. I'm hoping to be 100% in a few days. We'll see... hopefully I can get tix for Tesla and be healthy for it.

more yelling...but I think it did some good. I really hope it did. Sometimes, you need to get it out and not be polite. Only for the people you truly care about... when politeness doesn't matter and they really need to hear what you think is the truth. TIme will tell.

fever weekend !!!
Monday, March 4, 2002 09:46 a.m.

well...all my weekend plans went kerplunk since I was relegated to my apartment and my bed for most of the time. I haven't slept this much since.... college! Man... at least I am better. I'm hoping to be 100% in a few days. We'll see... hopefully I can get tix for Tesla and be healthy for it.

more yelling...but I think it did some good. I really hope it did. Sometimes, you need to get it out and not be polite. Only for the people you truly care about... when politeness doesn't matter and they really need to hear what you think is the truth. TIme will tell.

day of rest...and yelling.
Friday, March 1, 2002 09:30 a.m.

I am sick. I did not go to dinner with Jen Chung and I went home to watch the extras on Jay and Silent Bob DVD...and pretty much perfected Luv2Me on DDR 3rd Mix. WoOOoOOO 67 combo! Perfect!

Well... ended up getting yelled at...and then yelling back at a friend. It's too complicated to get into. But I think things are better for it.

Visited Cat at the YM office... coool !!! HAHHAHAH... she's gonna go with me to see my fave metal band... TESLA !!! I cannnot wait !!!

More gym today...then ROmana tomorrow afternoon, Martini Party, and then go visit C at her church on Sunday...packed weekend ! I should really rest though.

snootchie bootches !
Thursday, February 28, 2002 09:30 a.m.

my big triple points Suncoast package came in yesterday... Jay and Silent Bob... yes! Great extras...not fit for kiddies.

went to the gym again... it's only been ...what 6-7 times so far...but I definitely feel stronger and more fit... even though I am flu-y.

I really should listen to my own advice. I give good advice to other people...but why don't I listen to what I say ? BAKA. Anyways... I'm back to normal...I think...or getting there... who knows... I'm so fickle and volatile... it's minute to minute with me.

...and this is a good pain ?
Wednesday, February 27, 2002 09:37 a.m.

ok.. my obsession with NYSC continues. I am in constant, dull throbbing PAIN. But apparently, I've lost a lot of weight really quickly since the sweater I'm wearing is ...wow...loose on me. SCARY! Going back tonight.

yesterday was a day of revelation for me... a lot of stuff came up that realyl caused me turmoil. But I know that God loves me and only wants the best for me... so a little faith.

apparently someone (or multiple someones) had a crush on me in high school...but I will never know who because I was dumb and oblivious! This comes up as a matter of course... all my close HS friends are in serious, serious relationships... and me... set adrift.. they say "I have bad timing" and "I'm too picky and don't give good girls a chance" ... ack!!! that's not it ! I am dense and I do not know and I want what I can't have ! see... I admit it. sigh.

had dinner with elaine. she's fun. we have a good time and it is sketch free... except for our jokes! bwahahahahah. funny.

I get paid tomorrow. I need money. I have like 5 bucks in the bank now...I suck.

my flu-y weekend.
Tuesday, February 26, 2002 09:14 a.m. ugh... the good news is that my chronic cough seems to be going away...but the bad news is that I have this flu that has clogged my nasal passages and makes my voice crack. I sound like a 13 year old boy doing a bad Tara Reid impression!

I left work early Thursday and ended up being sick and watching VHD: Bloodlust--which was excellent. And I left for Boston early on Friday (took a sick day) and it took me almost 9 hours door-to-door !!! ARRRGH !!! In any case...I spent the weekend in Eric's filthy apartment trying to recuperate. I went out to eat with Eric once... had lunch with Amy and then went to Flickerstick (which was good...not great. The opening act , Abandonded Pools was pretty good--hot bassist!) and had lunch with Rebecca (Fae-to you fanboy) before returning home on Monday. whoooo. sick through it all.

Now... back home and depressed. Seems like all my friends are dating... and some are seriously, seriously dating...while me... I'm just stewing in my own juices. What is my problem ??? Lord, when ?!??! Pray for me... I'm expecting lightning to strike (figuratively, mind you) any day... ho-hum...any day.

expectorant...not suppresant!
Thursday, February 21, 2002 09:38 a.m.

I have been taking the wrong kind of medicine and actually making myself worse. So now...I'm not taking any medicine and letting nature take it's course. So I feel miserable... but I know I'll actually get better now.

baby cousin Alyssa so cute ! we took her, my aunt, and my aunt's cousins to Carnegie Deli...so I will be on the bike for awhile today.

Justin had a good time at the office. Cause he was under my desk sleeping most of the time ! He had a lot of homework to do...and he did very little. OY!

Sale on used anime dvds...and ...ugh...triple points day... spent lots and lots of money... ugh... too much.

My disdain for womankind continues.... evil lot, they are.

there isn't much I can do...
Wednesday, February 20, 2002 09:40 a.m.

I've realized that there is only so much I can do. The rest is not up to me... God knows what is goingto happen and the fickle ways of the human heart. In any case... I've decided that working out is the best way to get out all my frustration with the world and convert it into something productive.

Justin is at work with me today. He's well behaved. Homework and his GBA will keep him busy. He's still my baby! Though, he is getting big. 6th grade baby!!!

As for the real baby, Alyssa... will see her tonight. I can only imaging how big she's gotten. Last time I saw her she was still crawling and drooling! Taking her to Toys R Us in Times Square.

Saw Sapphy for 2 mins. yesterday. She looks good ! Will see her in FIddler in a few weeks...

Elaine has vowed to comfort me ... we shall see.

Lunch with Fae and Elana? Possibly PatD ? who knows... work it all out..

** I got tix for Belle and Sebastian (gorgeous indie pop/rock band from Scotland and elsewhere) in May !!!... but who am I going to take???

cardio-monster !!
Tuesday, February 19, 2002 09:33 a.m.

Third day in a row... I've been sucked into the NYSC culture. I did at least 60 mins. of biking and some dutiful lifting. I am going to get into shape... as my "revenge" !!!!

Lunch with Fae in Boston ? can it be ? we'll see how things work out... Maybe Elana and PatD can make it out ? but... I promised Fae... so.....

My baby cousin Alyssa and my aunt are gonna be in NY !!! woooo...I haven't seen her in wow... 2 years ??? She must be so big now... Alyssa...not my aunt.

DInner with Jen Chung tomorrow? Wonder how that is gonna turn out....

Why do we always want what we can't have... and never want what is waiting for us in the wings ? Man... the best stuff is right in front of you...and you just don't get it.

the turning point ?
Monday, February 18, 2002 09:18 a.m.

Had a pretty decent weekend... dinner with Eunice was pretty low key , but good onf Friday. Forgot to call Doris... eeep. sorry.

I can't seem to get out of this bad mood I've been in...so I went to the gym with Shelb and Jack and decided to just go for it and sign up. So....all that money I made on Amazon now goes to NYSC. woooo.

Not much else to say ... except I am working today and it seems like 90 percent of Manhattan isn't... ho -hum.

I will no longer be nice...
Friday, February 15, 2002 09:20 a.m.

...the return of cynical bastard Abe. I need to just let things be. There is no point in pushing the point. You can't change how I feel.

So much depressing news, people dating the wrong people, friends that are lonely and hopeless, jobless, all this yesterday... coupled with my feelings of "damn, I'm dumb." .... it has not been a good end to the week.

You know...I don't even want to talk about it.

Corporate holidays suck !!!
Thursday, February 14, 2002 09:15 a.m.

Ok... I'm just being sucked into the whole " I got no one on Vday" thing. But I'm dealing... things aren't looking to promising. But I did something... really cute, if I have to say so myself. I have no idea how it is going to turn out. But it was a friendly gesture at least. You can't fault a guy for trying, right ? More on this as the day progresses....

Big news! But I'm not allowed to say anything since my friend doesn't want people to know yet. A friend of mine who has been single a long time has finally been snatched up! He sounds like a great guy...so much so that it is suspicious... but I'm happy for "LMNOP" (oops...I've said too much already.) But be careful! Still in the honeymoon phase...

Bday bash with Eunice tomorrow... maybe pick up some DVDs too. But let me deal with the stress of today first.....ugh. Ya gotta pray for me !!!

Encouraging...
Wednesday, February 13, 2002 04:37 p.m.

I've been feeling kinda down lately since I haven't had time to write, but I had a bit of encouragement today. One of the senior editors said to me "You should have heard the buzz... we were talking about what a good poet you are!'" (if you haven't been reading the blog, my company is publishing one of my poems, my bio, and a pic in an English Lit anthology) Encouraging words...that I needed.

The thing is...not many people get it. I've read enough bad poetry and people that call themselves "poets" to know what is what... but if I am supposed to be a "professional writer" and I have an MFA for goodness sakes...why am I not writing? Why am I not looking into getting published?

Basically, where is my muse ?!?!? WRITER'S BLOCK or good old fashioned procrastination?

I will be a great father...
Wednesday, February 13, 2002 09:49 a.m.

Chinese New Year drama... my whole extended family was over at my place for dinner. Allt he kids playing and what not... and my Dad come home totally blotto. He's a happy drunk but he can be a total ass. Man, the kids love me and I take good care of them. I've pretty much done everyhting a father would do for my little brother....actually both of them. If the cliche of "becomign what you don't want to become" doesn't hold true...I will be a great father. Heck, my name is Abraham. Let's just leave it at that...

I got Eric all into this selling used stuff kick. Man, I made 50 bucks in 2 weeks ! getting rid of my crap... wow...I hope this keeps up...I have loads and loads I want to liquidate.

Got in late this morning because of the train...arrrgh. Must get to work. More later. I'm still hung up over someone... sigh. I hope things change soon... for the better.

Gong Shi Fa Tsai...Hong Bao Na Tsu Lai !
Tuesday, February 12, 2002 09:39 a.m.

Happy Chinese New Year, ya'll... seems like the older I get...the thinner my red envelopes become. Oh, well. Had some hot pot/shabu shabu with the family last night. Pretty much it. More stuff tonight... with everyone. uuuuurrrgh.

Fri/Sat dual bday celebration with Eunice? Man, I have not seen her in months... funny how long we've known each other. Jen CHung next weds. ack... we'll see what happens with that.

I'm not a man of action... I talk and talk...but in the end I do nothing cause I am CHICKEN ! I AM YELLER ! Is this why this stuff happens to me? "Why won't they just say what they mean?" I feel like I'm in a Jane Austen nocel a lot of the time. I am Hugh Grant... but without the stutter, the penchant for prostitutes, and without the floppy hair...actually...my hair is kind of floppy.

Amazon...selling my stuff... 30 bucks in 2 weeks... must list more and sell, sell, sell !!!

urrrrrrgh.
Monday, February 11, 2002 09:42 a.m.

good news is that I am almost done with the coughing. Bad news is...my life is in a weird vicious spiral. ARRRRGH. I just don't like being confused about certain things and not knowing. I don't even want to get into it.

Met with Yvette and critiqued her script. I should just start screenwriting. I don't know if I will ever have the time ...but it's on my TO DO list.

Apparently, I've lost a significant amount of weight... my obsession with working out and DDR has been paying off. my brother came back for the weekend and he remarked on my DDR skills..."I don't know if I should be proud or afraid"... that's how bad-ass I have become! WOOOooooo!!

Another week of work... and confusion and ... what's this... active social life? I've realized that I can't just pine away and lock myself up from the rest of the world... so I have made plans and more plans ... MW !!! (opher knows what that means.)

Chinese New Year... where the money ? Gung Shi Fa Tsai and all that...

married folks...
Friday, February 8, 2002 09:30 a.m.

another day at work... over and done with... C has been acting weird and giggly and thwaping me in da eye and drinking my Pepsi.

went to Chinatown with my married friends Jen and Mark and also VIcky and Jen's sis . Congee Village... who woulda thought a place like that for dinner?? It was really, really good and Mark paid. so even better. VIcks bought ice cream... wonderful! Mark and Jen seem to be perfect fro each other... after 3 years of brutal sarcasm and ego bruising...it's a miracle how two people of the same caliber ended up together. Beautiful. It's clearly love... but with a bit of an edge, I would say.

I don't know if I can take Mark's advice. I'm too nice.

ROCK STAR was a great (though cliched) movie... all my heavy metal dreams.... sigh.

more later.

R2 ! RP56 ! AHHHHHH!
Thursday, February 7, 2002 09:15 a.m.

It's official. I have an 1337 set up now. modded RP56 ready to go... sweeeeeet. Need to rush home tonight and watch some more... ended up watching kenshin last night... need to test the player some more.

Had a pretty tiring day yesterday...lots of library running around and stuff. Other than that ...not much else.

Still conflicted and confused about certain things... I'm happy with the status quo...is that wrong? Don't I like change? I thought I did... but risk. UGH.... I hate unforeseen factors. I like knowing what is going to happen.

Sapphy!!! What's going on with you? Your blog entries are almost as obscure as mine! We should meet up sometime soon. I miss the sapphygoodness !

oooh...Amazon is making money for me !!
Wednesday, February 6, 2002 09:27 a.m.

WOW..2 used CD sales already ! It's not much but for testing the waters, it's pretty good. Amazon even gives me money to ship them! In any case...it gives me hope. I shall be posting lots more this weekend if possible. Man, C gives me all these ideas... she totally ownz me...I am a little bitch. But with money.

R2s have arrived !!! Live Love Hina was good...I knew most of the songs...but the seiyuus are not very good looking and they have shaky voices. The one that sings the best...looks like a MAN ! hahahahah Totoro! I'll be watching that when my rp56 comes in...possibly today? tomorrow? My pre-orders from Amazon all came in... ordered it in November! finally get CCS4 and 7 !

Working out like crazy... and why? There is no woman in sight... I'm doing it for ME. Yeah, right...I'm just hoping for a Vday miracle... uuuurrrrrgh.

I'm annoying ...
Tuesday, February 5, 2002 09:29 a.m.

this is not a new fact... I am probably the most annoying person in the world due to the fact that I have an odd sense of humor, I talk waaaaaay too much (in the right circumstances), and that I don't like "awkward silences" ...I need to KNOW... I want things to be OK. I'm a "talker" not a "let's wait until this blows over" type of person. In other words...I'm an atypical male. *SIGH* I need to take the strong silent approach more. I need to be ok without words.

It's not so much I am "incapable of love" ...more like I am "incapable of being loved" ... blaaaaaah !!!! see how annoying that is ?!??!

DDR-ed, lifted, abslid. Man... I am gonna be ready for the spring...dangnabbit...

My old TV is on the fritz...color is all out of wack... weird "auras" and no reds??? That TV needs to be kicked to the curb soon... arrrgh.

healthygenkgenki....soon?
Monday, February 4, 2002 09:22 a.m.

ok...not quite...but I'm on my way to being a normal breathing human... I think in a day or too this dry hacking cough should finally subside....

The weekend... Michelle and Nance took me out for Italian on Friday and Elaine tooke me out for Korean on Saturday... she picked up on DDR pretty quick too! Fun was had by all... too bad I was coughing the entire time... no booze for me...I'm heavily medicated!

Took Justin around Flushing on Sunday... was really, really tired... wooooOOoooo PATS !!! who would have ever believed it ?!?!?

Look, sometimes you just can't help who you like. I'm hoping it's a phase and that it will go away.. hopeless. Any way you look at it... I'm just not cut out for this. I always end up in trouble and get hurt... BAD. So let's just say I am keeping things open ended with an attitude towards closure coming before any permanent scars are dealt. Stay away from me. I am in turmoil. Pray for me from a distance. I need it !!!