The best deceptions...
Monday, March 31, 2003 09:35 a.m.

Goodness...where do I start...

Let's just say I am mad at Yvette. It will pass...and it made me laugh...but who does somehting like that???

In any case...went to ZWAN with Nicole...left the tix for Yvette and Annabell... urrrgh. The show was GREAT...the openers were odd folky band...but Zwan opened with "Jesus,I"...and played most of the album...they played my faves "Settle Down", "RIde a Black Swan", "Desire" and "Mary Star of the Sea" woooo. Some great stuff. Kicked my arse!

Had a good time with Nicole...she went over to Wendy's place to hang out...but I was pretty wiped out and tired...so I went home.

Saturday...spent the day recording and cleaning up. Not much happening. The weather was odd. I got nap fever and just slept...Rain, tiredness, maybe getting sick...I just could not bring myself to go to Deanna's...I owe her dinner or something...I feel so lame. I suck.

Sunday...went to the folks place for brunch. And showed them Jackass the movie! HAHAHAH... Went to Sam Ash to drop off my guitar to get a new setup...and then home to record...and more nap time.

Everything is just breaking around me...light bulbs, guitar, fridge, bathroom sink leaking, and my stupid computer !!! ARRRGH!!! Help.

Back to work...

JACKASS!
Friday, March 28, 2003 09:35 a.m.

Ok...so my computer not working is totally not working and I am FREAKING out...I need my poor baby to be up and running. arrrrgh. If I lose all my crap...WAAAAH.

Ok...done.

Had Quizno's bday sammich for Deanna yesterday. I can't believe it's her last day of work today. ARRRGH. But she got me a copy of her company's flagship book. "The Rainbow FIsh" Moral: BUY YOUR FRIENDS...bwahahahah

So...I dropped off some more anime for Wendy. Saw her for 5 seconds...and then took my Best Buy coupon and got me Jackass the Movie.

I'm sick of being high brow allthe time. Sometimes you need some idiocy. And nothing beats watching a guy sticking a toy car up his bum and getting an XRAY...that's idiocy. "Night Pandas"...that was the best...and accosting the sea cucumber...HAHAHHAHA

Eric got last minute tix to see Zwan last night. AWESOME I am going in a few short hours. I cannot wait. WOOOoOoOooo. I hope Yvette is still up for it.

Here's my new song:
Sunjoo...mean and sweet. Sunjoo eats beans and meat. Sunjoo is lean and neat. Sunjoo is green and elite. Sunjoo likes creamy treats... Sunjoo is good to eat...

Ok...I'm done.

TGIF... huzzah to the luzzah!

ARRRRGH !!!
Thursday, March 27, 2003 09:56 a.m.

I think I murdered my computer.

I tried to upgrade to Win2K but it didn't work properly. And now I can't get my old WIn98 to even run...and can't find the CDROM...urrgh. Must fix. This is driving me nuts!

Went to pick up Dad at the airport. It was good to have him back...he got Justin like a bajillion GBA games...and some food stuff from Taiwan.

Still haven't heard from Yvette. She's ok though...I guess she is resting up or something...but I need to know about tomorrow! ACK!

Sunjoo... cute. ARRRRGH... "CLAM DOWN" she says. And she does laundry all the time in the creepy basement. And we are going to see some Broadway musical when she gets back. woot. :)

Work is misery...so is war.

PEACE.

heavy stuff...
Wednesday, March 26, 2003 09:41 a.m.

Ok...so...I'm not sure of the details...but Yvette was attacked on Sunday. Some guys broke into her room and stole her stuff...I don't know how badly she was hurt...because I only got to talk to her for a little bit. In any case, she says she is alright now. Waiting to hear more from her.

Gosh....just a lot of stuff going on... Deanna getting laid off...C not gettinginto grad schools yet... the war... up and down. Some good...a lot of bad.

Was feeling a little down...hit Best Buy and picked up some crap... made me feel a little better. But I shouldn't do that.

Sunjoo...more phone time. She cracks me up...she has such random moments. I love it when she says some weird thing out of the blue (lagoon) ...ha. And she likes old 90's dance and R&B and she's just...blunt. And yells a lot. But when she is quiet and unguarded... eeeeep. Too cute.

Work is driving me nuts. This new section I am writing is not going well.

Arrgh...pray for Yvette. Pray for the world.

Deanna's bday...it may be Quizno's time

Packed Monday...
Tuesday, March 25, 2003 09:38 a.m.

The war rages on and we go about our silly lives as people keep dying...Lord, help us...help them.

Work...must write faster !!!

Ok... Packed schedule...at lunch went down to drop off DVDs for Wendy. Wow...i haven't seen her in a long time. She's...Wendy.

After work...went by Nicole's work place to drop off her ZWAN tic...chatted a little. She's headed to Toronto to pick up her visa? Hmm...It was good to see her after all this time.

Next...H&M ...where I got a stripey shirt and one of those lectric blue ones... Oscar pool money...there ya go!

Eunice is the best...she remembered to bring the disc I needed. And then we had soondooboo ji gae at Seoul Garden...and ice cream at McD's... I love hanging out with her...it's just comfortable and easy. She's Eunice.

Then...went to pick up Wendy after class and we headed to Decibel...Sake Bar...it was not what I expected...dark, trendy, and a little romantic...hmmm...anyways...we got to drinking and had some OKONOMIYAKI (I feel like Ranma!) and Wasabi Shumai, and jellyfish thing (wendy likes that funky asian stuff) and we had waaaay too much sake. I had the Bishounen and Bandai brands (just because they had some anime connection...har har..) and we talked.

The first time we had a face to face since I confessed that I really liked her. In any case, much to my surprise...it turns out that (well, it seems) she could have liked me also. She was saying that we still have our whole life times...that she chalks things up to "yuen fen" or fate...if people's paths cross again. And I was saying that I felt weird about telling her how I felt...and in a more subtle way ...she said there was some Indonesian boy that liked her...and how she totally shut him out... how does this apply to us? Well, she said "well, I'm sitting here, aren't I?" So, does that mean that things might have worked...if she wasn't getting deported? I don't know. She says she'll be back in a few years... but who knows about the future? Yuen Fen, indeed.

And...she paid for the whole thing...which was very sweet. Kinda expensive too...eeep. And she engaged in a little corporate espionage. She wants to open a Sake Bar in Singapore...so she was taking pics of their menu. heh... in any case... I gave her a little peck on the hand...and I stumbled drunkenly into the night.

So what am I going to remember most about Wendy when she leaves for Singapore in less than two months? The unconventional way she thinks, her little catch phrases (Sniper, hard nut to crack, prick not stab), the fact that she named her hamsters Mocha and Latte (because they keep her up at night! and because one is dark and one is light.), her genuine shyness and honesty, all her surprises, all of that...but her smile. She has the most heart warming smile, ever. It lights up the room and you can't help but be drawn in by it. She says that a lot of people think she is cold and aloof...but with me...ever since that first smile at Starbucks half a year ago...she's been nothing but celestial. Her smile makes me forget things for a while...and all seems right with the world, even for a moment.

I'm going to miss her.

Anyways... gave Sunjoo a little wake up call this morning. Cute cute. Heh. I'm getting used to this. It's dangerous...we had a little chat yesterday...and I'm wondering why I even bother with anyone else when I'm obviously ...involved. Sunjoo has her hooks in me at the moment. So... It's kind of pointless to fight it until we figure things out. Urrrrgh. Must use my brain! BRAINS !!! mmmmm

Well, I've been a victim of time and circumstance long enough...I would love for the planets to be in alignment or some junk like that the next time...could be soon...could be far away. But I'm starting to believe that it could finally happen. Lord knows, I need to get things right.

OSCAR madness...
Monday, March 24, 2003 09:54 a.m.

UPDATE!!! I WON TWO OSCAR POOLS! Won the office one $65 bucks and Cindy's $50 bucks....woooo. And I needed that money bad. YEAH !!! IN YER FACE !!! har har.

More weekend stuffies. It's all a blur of activity.

Saturday: Got up waaay too early.Mom, Justin, Eric all over... watching TV. Mom had to do some stuff for her college reunion people...so Justin hung out at my place and Jack, Shelb, Roseann, and Nina came over...a buncha food. Some recording...babysitting... when everyone cleared out for bubble tea. Tired.

Sunday: Got up...watched White with Mom and had pizza. Went out for an early sushi dinner with the grandparents, Tsai, Nina, etc... and came back and packed up. Instqaleld the Audigy stuff...can't wait to start making MP3z and uploading stuff to MP3.com. Eric went back to Boston (I took pics with his camera. Heh.) and I went off to Cindy's place for the Oscars. Doris ended up coming later and we had some booze, food, and the Oscar pool. I was tied with Cindy when we left with Mark and Jen...ooh...I wonder if I won. And the PAE-ABE-LLA was a big hit.

Sen to Chihiro/ Spirited Away wont the first award of the night !!! WOOO. And the biggest surprise was Adrien Brody...wonder if anyone got that in the OSCAR pool.

Home...editing pics. Lucia...tsk tsk. Can't get enough, can you! SIMMAH DOWN NAAAAW!

Sigh...Sunjoo. SIgh. What can I say... I'm trapped. :P

War is crazy. Just hurry up and get the troops home. There's no point in being anti-war anymore...just finish what was started and get home.

Sake bar with Wendy tonight.

Weekend MADNESS.
Saturday, March 22, 2003 11:38 a.m.

A lot has been happening...so I guess I'll update this now.

Deanna got lid off. ARRGH. I'm losing my smoking buddy. But she wanted to start something new anyways. Good for her. Money for nothing. At least for a little while.

QUIZNO'S IS DA SHIZNAT ! And company supplied cake...dang...a day of eating crap.

Met up with Doris after work. When she cleans up,she really cleans up. Cutie. We went to get some stuff from Erin for her grad school apps. And then went to a bar and had a few drinks and nachos. She's just been through an incredible amount of stuff this year. I'm glad she is dealing with it productively ...or at least she is trying to. In another time and place...we might have been good for each other. There is no question about how much I love her. But it's such a familial type of love because we've known each other so long...and been through so much together. Sure, if I just saw her some place I'd think she was a hottie...but she is so much more than that. She's my Doris. And I'll always be there for her. Like family.

So we had a weird night of booty pinching and sexy dancing and weird moments...but chalk that up to alcohol. And just weirdness. :P

We met up with Elisa and Eunice at Essex...had sooooo uch food and more drinks. Talked a bit... Eunice is another one...man...I used to have the worst crush on her. And we kinda went out a cuple of times (though she was semi-clueless of my intentions at the time...I was way shy back then.) But now she is sooooo my buddy. I need to IM/ talk to her like everyday or it gets weird. She's always there and we always hang. too cool for words.

Went over to Lansky...just an amazing amount of people that I have not seen in ages...I can't even arrgh...Cathy Lo, Ruth, Sammy, John Lin, Joe Hsin, Jeremy, So Won, Tse, Frank and Alice, Jen, Mke, etc...jeeebus...waaaay too many to name.

Anyways...Elisa did not behave..had to bail her out for her own good a few times.

Awwwww...people thought Eunice was my girlfriend? Too cute!

Ok...so the big news... met this girl named Lauren. It's such a small world. I saw her across the room and thought...wow. And then I realized...I've seen her before. But wasn't too sure. Anyways...Doris told her I thought she was cute and dragged her over. EMBARRASSING. Anyways, a night of talking, dancing...her friend Dan (from Redeemer small group) is Shelb's roommate! He seemed kind of protective....But that's where I know her from! I've seen her at church and thought she was really pretty. But no guts to just be like "HEY...HOW YOU DOIN' "...and it was at church...so...weird. So...turns out she is from Maryland, went to Syracuse U, was going tobe a teaher, became a fashion consultant, and is working at Goldman Saks now. Man, would love to get to know her. At least as friends. And oh, he's 28. HEH. Elisa, Doris (a little too sexy. don't touch me with that thang!), and Jen all took turns dancing with me to check Lauren out to see if she was looking..heh. They said she was. :) But in any case, I got her number, her email, and we are supposed to have dinner sometime. WOOOOT.

Well...more eating. ACK. Went to FAME with Eric, Oph, and Roseann. She soooo wants to be in our family! Had food..called Sunjoo apparently... She's been on my mind a lot lately. Which could be dangerous. SIGH. Distance is never good.

Ok...home. News and sleep. Got up waaaay too early. Mom, Justin slept over. Cute.

Saturday...no Master Grill. Jack can't handle it...and it's for the best. Too much food! UGH. Hanging with the boys...and then other stuff tomorrow. "Chicago" with Eunice? Church? Get ZWAN tix to Nicole. And then Oscar party with the Lee sisters and company.

WHEW..life goes on...as the war rolls on.

so this is what it all comes down to...
Friday, March 21, 2003 09:34 a.m.

War is the sucks. I cannot reiterate how much it is the SUCKS. Can't this all be a bad dream?

WOrk...writing...almost done. 6th graders are annoying me.

Went home and recorded a little. Watched Kids in The Hall live show... pretty much it. Needed to catch up on some sleep.

Sunjoo has taken to calling me "GABE" as in "GAY-ABE" ...which has got me thinking. When I'm exhibiting my alpha-male tendencies...I'm an ASS. When I'm sensitive...I'm EMO or GAY. I'm a walking contradiction. In any case... I'm just me. I write poetry, I sing my ballads, I run, I lift weights, I like techie-geeky stuff, I like basketball, I like metal, I like anime, I like foreign films and Adam Sandler movies, I like gross out stories, I can be a perv, I can be a good Christian, I can be a drunk, I'm all these things and more. Take it or leave it. I evolve every day.

Big weekend plans...and for early next week: Tonight: Jack's bday shindig at Lansky,

Tomorrow: supposedly Master Grill bday madness,

Sunday: Oscar party

Monday: Wendy sake bar time

Must install my sound card jammie...need to start the CD mixdown. I'm a rock staaaaah.

TGIF...Peace, kiddies.

...what is it good for?
Thursday, March 20, 2003 10:12 a.m.

So, we are at WAR. Missiles, decaptiation attack, "target of opportunity"...sure...just take him out and keep the civilians alive. Let's just end this soon.

Went home, ate, watched the news...goodness...what is this? It's the end of the world as we know it...and I don;t feel fine. Lord, You are in control...

Worked on songs..."Senses" is basically done...and it sounds great. Very proud of it. Worked on other stuff too... just need to mix it down...the Audigy 2 Platinum stuff came...going to installit this weekend and maybe start on mixdowns.

So...more time on the phone with Sunjoo. It's dangerous... I'm getting really into her...but I have to be patient. She can be aloof and then she'll say something so unbelievably funny and cute...ugh...it drives me nuts. Damn...dangerous.

So, the train freaks me out...was stuck at 47-50 for awhile this morning...not good for my nerves... just leave us alone! Ya'll hate Saddam anyways!

Trying to work...praying for peace.

goings on...
Wednesday, March 19, 2003 09:50 a.m.

So, we are on the brink of war and it looks like nothing can stop this. I just want this to be over quick, with little loss of life...on our side and theirs. I don't support this war...but if it needs to be done...I'm not one to say it shouldn't...what do I know? I just want our lives to remain as unchnaged as possible. Living in fear is not the way...

Lee Anne...didn't meet up because her uncle passed away. My condolences. Not sure when or if we will meet up later...I'm going to be pretty busy the next two weeks. But stilll...we'll see.

Sake bar with Wendy next week? Ack. She's back from Michigan...and definitely is getting deported in June. sigh.

Went home...ate...watched Battle Royale again...and recorded some really cool stuff. I lov emy effects processor. You can get some swanky noises out of that puppy.

Sunjoo...was on the phone with her again last night. Urrrrgh. We get along...but who knows where this is going to lead. I've changed so much this past year and I don't know exactly what I want. I don't know what it is about her that I am attracted to. Maybe it's her attitude, her blunt honesty, the cute weirdo things she says, her creative spark (that I need to see more of)...but who knows if there is going to be anything there. All I know is that I like talking to her. She makes the day a little better. And we are becoming friends. Come what may.

Back to work... more recording tonight...and then...your regularly scheduled war. Sigh. God have mercy on us.

hayfever already?
Tuesday, March 18, 2003 09:46 a.m.

took a sick day... cause I was all headachey and sniffly...and my throat felt like it was on fire...

Went to Forest Hills...gym and met up with Nina...came back and watched the Ring and made smoothies for her...

Recorded a little bit...the guitar solos aren't quite perfect... but it's getting there.

Meeting up with Lee Anne tonight for Korean...she sounds pretty cool. fiesty.

But Sunjoo...gosh...she makes me feel crazy. DO I really like her or what? I don't know. She surprises me. She says these crazy nutty things sometimes that I think are so cute. Kind of like Penelope Cruz in Vanilla Sky...when she talks to Tom Cruise about cats... it's like one of those moments. I dunno. It's too early in the game for any of this...but I have a good feeling about it. Sigh.

So, this war thing. I'm not sure what is going to happen in the States...whether we are going to get attacked and what not. All I know is...I want this war to be over soon. I want to stop feeling like there isn't any way but belligerence to make things happen in the world. peace... Lord, I know it sounds cheezy...but can we please have world peace? Make it ok, please? Thank you.

back to writing.

what a weekend...
Monday, March 17, 2003 02:45 p.m.

Crazy...just crazy...where do I start?

Friday: Ok...did one of my co-workers just ask me to go spend the weekend at her summer house? WTF ?!?!?

Went home after work. Lucia was around and off again... ended up recording most of "Senses" and some vocals for " Pinioned" etc...awesome stuff. Ordered my Audigy 2 thingeee...ready to make mp3z and other stuff... wooot.

Jenny DeFracisco was on DA ALI G show !!!! crazy !!!

Saturday: Went to the gym more recording.

Esther called out of the blue...to ask how the sho ent. And to I guess apologize a little more. I would give anything to be with her..but this is a choice I cannot make. My hear grieves...and the sound of her voice tears me up. But I have to moe o with my life. There is just too much out there that I can't miss. I loved her. With all of my being. But that just wasn't enough.

Sara and Doris came over and we ate veggie stuff and watched SNL...Lucia came back and packed up. We talked and hung out a little...the apartment is a little emptier without her here...sniff. LOL

Got up and went to meet Doris...took her around to visit apartments. We ended up checking out this one place which ended up being Tina Louise's place...you know Ginger from Gilligan's ISland...man, I've had a crush on her since I was 5 ! We ended up going to eat and walking around.

Maybe if we dated in junior high it would have been fun... NAH ! HAHHAHAHA she's like my cousin...eeeew.

Had sushi at bluechili with Sara and Doris and took the cab service home.

Some tv...and a big surprise...Sunjoo finally calls me! And we end up talking until 5 AM. I was going to take a sick day anyways since my hayfever has been acting up..so...it wasn' too bad. Ok...I have a crush. She's cute and FOBby...and when she opens up and lets down her guard...dang. I can't help but be a little curious. But May is far away...and I have a date tomorrow...that I kind of don't want to go on...since it might make things more complicated. sigh.

Lee Anne...don't know what to expect...she's a chef. And pretty intriguing...hmmm.

So...got up... throat was on fire...but ended up going to gym...meeeting u with Nina and coming back home to watch TV and do some laundry.

I'm beat. And I want the phone to ring...sigh.

DMV...
Friday, March 14, 2003 09:31 a.m.

Hmmm...work and odd things.

Ok...so I don't know if one of my coworkers asked me out or not. She's from the Austin office...and we've worked on a few things together before... and last year when she came to NY she asked me to show her around town...but I couldn't...and same thing this time...but Lucia is in town... so I'm not sure if she just wants someone from NY ...but she knows other people from our office...Puzzling. She says if I ever get to Austin she wants to take me to the "Salt Lick"...odd. Hmmm.

ANyways... headed down to the DMV to get the permit renewed...I better have this license thing down by the summer... barring nuclear annhilation of NY.

Lucia has gone missing again. And the pet mouse is dead... well..one of them.

Sunjoooooo....sigh. What is it about her? Urrrgh...

Supposed to meet up with Lee Anne too... soon? She tells great stories...and she's a chef at some swanky restaurant...cool.

What the heck am I doing tonight? Recording? I have no idea... sigh.

tired...but fun.
Thursday, March 13, 2003 09:30 a.m.

Work is overwhelmming...two big assignments...no way I am getting them done this week. Sigh.

Decided on really committing to this CD idea. Going to need maybe 750 to get everything done. Need to get the Audigy, and the actual CDs... and I think I'm going to title it "lo-fi is chic" ...cool, huh ? 12 songs plus one hidden unlisted track.

Went to get a haircut...a little too short at the moment ...but I look cute. It's a different look for me...but I think it works. Well, Eunice thinks so too. She got me dinner and dessert at Joe Shanghai's and then at Little Italy... oooooh...Vesuvius cake. I'm glad we've been friends for so long...I luv me some Eunice!

I think we are both a little disgruntled at the world...but what can you do?

Got some fruit . Went home and lo and behold...the Lucia was actually in. She's feeling a little sick...so we hung out watched "Malena" and chatted a bit. She sang for me which is nice... I adore that biznatch. I really hope she finds what she is looking for... and dear, monogamous relationships are great...when they work. Here's to hope.

Everyone's been going to Mary Ann's lately...went there with Elaine last week, Lucia went with her friend and Julie also....check out the mexican food...unending basket o' chips and good salsa.

Sunjoo???

Gave up red meat for Lent and promptly forgot when Christine gave me half of her roast beef sammich...d'oh!

Anyways... errands to run today... woot.

new things...
Wednesday, March 12, 2003 09:33 a.m.

Work...ack... too much nowadays... copy editing, charts, writing...a little overwhelming...one thing at a time.

Went home to do laundry after work... got myself thinking about what I want to do and what I need to do in the coming months.

1. Gig- sometime in May now...

2.CD- which means I have time to record.

3. Writing-- but do I have time...or feel inspired?

In any case...things have been strange and the whole world is tense...so what do my little concerns have to do with anything?

Sunjoo...when she opens up she's adorable... I'm excited to talk to her. Cute.

Giving up red meat for Lent...maybe other stuff...why dont; I ever remember to start on time? I suck.

Dinner with Eunice tonight...getting a haircut...she's gonna buy me some Joe Shanghai...woot.

Back to copyediting...

wheeee...
Tuesday, March 11, 2003 09:10 a.m.

Work and more work...I'm buried under papers here.

It's March and it is still freezing...they say it should be warming up soon...but who knows. And the whole war thing has gotten me acting crazy.

Met up with Julie last night. We had a great time. She has the most peircing eyes. Eeep. I think we could really get along being friends. It's just a weird place for both of us in our lives. And I think it's for the best. We all have our pasts that come to haunt us. It's nice when someone can understand the crap that comes into our lives and just overwhelms us. It's a reassuring thing that you aren't the only one in the world that has been unlucky in love...and not very good with cards either. Heh.

So, Lucia is still out and partying...wonder when we will have time to hang out... oh well...busy girl...and it's only Monday...

Back to the grind.

weird...and yet...
Monday, March 10, 2003 09:32 a.m.

So... it's been Lucia-palooza as of late. I took Friday off and went to get her at the airport. She was exhuastipated...so we went back, made her some grub and she napped until she bolted to meet up with friends in the city. Needless to say...spring break is in full effect.

Lucia basically just came back to chnage and nap before she went out to do her little "girls gone wild" outing. We haven;t had much time to hang out...but she's got a million people to see and I've been a little pre-occupied myself. But I'm assuming that we'll get a chance to hang out sometime this week...she's hear until Sunday.

Other than that, gym, running errands for my Mom while Dad is in Taiwan, praying for the family and all the nutty stuff going on, and keeping occupied.

Wrote a weird indie rock song. I don't know if I will end up playing it...but who knows.

Next gig will be April 10th! WOOOT.

Julie...hmmm ...very intrigued. Not sure what to expect...and we're meeting tonight instead of tomorrow. I'm in a carpe diem kind of place at the moment. So, I don't even know what the possibilities are. I know we are becoming friends...and we can definitely talk for hours...but other than that. I'm still tentative, but intrigued.

It's been a crazy year, hasn't it ?

Stuff...
Thursday, March 6, 2003 09:45 a.m.

So... lots of stuff going on...not so good and ok.

Nicole's granfather passed away and my grandfather's best friend also. It's been tough. Pray for them and their families.

Been keeping busy... I HAVE A NEW BATHROOM SINK! Wooo...that's good. It's all shiny and new...too bad the toilet is temperamental. PLUNGE PLUNGE.

Busy cleaning up and then went home for dinner. Dad is going to Taiwan for two weeks to teach... and Lucia is coming in tomorrow. And I have a gig lined up for either April 10th or 17th...so thinking of new setlist.

Julie...very cool. We have a lot in common. Should be having dinner soon.

The elusive Sunjoo. It's been fun...and we need to meet up sometime soon. See how things are in the real world.

Anime coming in the mail....hoorah.

Sigh. I need to write.

Back to work.

GYM!
Wednesday, March 5, 2003 09:39 a.m.

Yay...another day of work done and then I FINALLY got me arse back into the gym. Checked out the one near work. Weird space and it was hot and smelly. Ah, well.

I'm so out of shape. Usually 30 mins.on the treadmill is no problem...but I had to take a break...ack. Must diet and run!

Met up with Elaine for CD/DVD shopping along St. Marks and Mexican (NOT HEALTHY!) at Mary Ann's...we will makeout next time. HA HAHAHHA

She's enjoying being employed...but it's definitely new to her...someone made her cry at work already... welcome to the real world, kid. SNIFF.

What is with me and mean girls? Am I a masochist? Lord knows something is going on there. Goodness. "layman" yes.

Dad is gonna go to Taiwan for two weeks. He's going to be teaching there again...and maybe scoping out if I have a shot of being a rock star. Heh.... If I can do it anywhere...it would be there. It's a dream..but I suppose I need to brush up on my Mandarin.

THE RING!!! kowai.

Back to work. And more gym.

Ugh...
Tuesday, March 4, 2003 09:37 a.m.

Arrrgh...I was supposed to go to the gym last night...but fell asleep on the train...so I got some groceries...went home, cleaned up and watched stupid TV.

Can I just say that the whole "Married by America" show is the dumbest thing ever...ugh. STUPID.

Not much else... need to workout...need to diet. I barely had any meat all day yesterday. WOOO. I may start up on my vegetarian thing again...yeah right.

The internet is just weird. bonkers.

Work...and more work. Ugh.

ROCKED OUT !
Monday, March 3, 2003 09:58 a.m.

Ok...so right into the events of the big show:

Got to the Theatre pretty early and set up. The PA system wasn't very good and I couldn't hear anything from the stage. If anything...next time no distortion! I had a chance to practice and twiddled my thumbs.

A lot of people showed up... sheesh...let's see if I can remember. My folks and Justin, Gary, Lisa, Jen, MIke, Elaine, Shelb, Frances, Rebecca, Wendy, Harvey?, Eunice, Yvette, Doris, Karl, Deanna, Lauren, Kerry, Terry, Sandy (and a whole bunch of her friends), Mike, Evan?, Jesse, Jack, Henny and her friends, and theater people... lots of folks I didn't know.

The set went well... eclectic. But now I know what works. The biggest hit was "The Scent of You" which is understandable since it was the newest one...and the wounds are still fresh. Heh...and the covers went pretty well...including the Outfield song with the closing 30 seconds of bangbangbang. And I hit all the high notes ofr "Running to Stand STill" wooo...even though my voice kind of gave out in the middle. And I even read a bunch of poems and gave out prizes. Lollipops with Valentines and comic books for my jokey "Superhero" song. Heh.

So, I'm playing again...sometime soon. All acoustic this time. And more moody ballads and EMO rockers...those seemed to get the best response.

In any case...everyhting was captured on film...in the most unflattering angle possible...from below...so... yay... pudgy film. SUCKS. Must work out like mad.

After the show...went to Irish pub with EUnice, Yvette, Shelb and Jack... had food and pints. Then ditched the girls and the guys went to see "Cradle 2 the Grave" at midnight... wheeee.

Saturday: Spent at Home Depot getting the new sink and cleaning up.

Sunday: Costco and "Lucia-proofing" the apartment. It will be nice to have some company for a change. And it made me throw out some crap. Heh.

Back to work and planning the next gig... Thinking about making a website devoted to gigs. Eunice is sending me pics and I can post my set lists and Info up for upcoming bidnesss....huzzah.

GIG TONIGHT!
Friday, February 28, 2003 09:55 a.m.

Went straight home last night and played through my set twice...I'm stillmessing up on the same spots! Urrgh! But the show is tonight...so if I mess up, I'll do it with grace and finesse.

Yvette is punking out on me. She has to work. Must recruit new mailing list girl!

Apparently, people from work are going...but no one has told me. My flyers have been disappearing...but who is taking them? WEIRD.

Justin has a xanga page now? What's he going to write about? Gameboy and candy?

Quizno's is da shiznat.

Ok...gonna be jittery all day...must relax and just RAWWWK.

Update on the show soon. Hope you can make it!

same stuff...
Thursday, February 27, 2003 09:46 a.m.

No lotto winner here. :(

Work is the sucks.

Went home to rehearse...got my new distortion pedal but the music stand I ordered was defective...urrgh.

Had to take my grandfather to the eye doctor. His eye has really gotten bad. The doctor cleaned it out and had to put some drops in. Made his eye cloud over...looked as if it was blind. Scary stuff. But it's getting better.

More rehearsing...goodness. It's tomorrow.

My cadre of females, my entourage...how could I live without them? Doris will be selling tapes, Yvette will be in charge of mailing list info, and Eunice will record mp3s (maybe) and be the official photogrpaher...and what am I doing? Oh yeah...I need to put on a gosh darn good show...ack.

Nervous, excited, a little freaked out...but once I get on stage...it should be all good. So what if I miss a few chords? As long as I don't pop a string...I'll be fine.

Huzzah.

more rehearsing...
Wednesday, February 26, 2003 09:46 a.m.

Work is funny. Speeding through things. C is always giddy nowadays...and we bought more lotto tickets. This must stop.

Showshowshow...

AIM is evil...I'm bored and I just end up chatting and wasting time...but it's fun. I suppose we are all different online. I think real life is better...but I'm stilla chatty biznatch anyways.

Doris came over last night to watch me play my set. It was good to play for someone...and I'm a little nervouse but I can do it. On stage will be different. I usally don't get stage fright...I'm just afraid of messing up...it's a good 12 song set...and there is lots of room to flub stuff...ack.

Ok...so the turn out... eeep... I hope the place can fit as many people as I invited...seems like 2 out of 3 are going to show up.ACK. It will beinteresting to see people from all the areas of my life ...past and present...maybe future showing up. I think people rarely get to see this side of me. I hope I surprise people...in a good way.

2 days to go...must rock out!

More rehearsing...
Tuesday, February 25, 2003 10:00 a.m.

Work is work...been productive.

So... shifting the setlist around...moving up the covers so they are speaced out better. The rockier songs are in a different order so they get shuffled in with the slow jams...all in all...should be a packed 60 mins. I've been averaging about 50 mins. in a straight run through which gives me 10 mins. of cushion time. wooo... and I need my cheat sheest cause I keep forgetting chords. Surprisingly, the covers are easier than my songs...which is weird.

Influx of people writing me... woooo. I love the internet. It's funny.

NOIR is da shiznat...my goodness. Wearing my Kirika shirt today at work...heheh...chicks with guns.

Eric got back from Vegas and was up 300 bucks ! Awesome...and he went to see the Celts and the Rockets... YAO !!!! YO!!! YAO !!! Rockets won in OT!

Doris is supposed to come over to watch me rhearse tonight...we'll see.

My folks want to come and videotape it ??? Urrrgh...what am I ? 9 again at PS 131 doing glee club ? FUNNY.

It's Tuesday already....eeep.

weekend...
Monday, February 24, 2003 09:53 a.m.

Not much going on besides rehearsing. I have no callouses and my fingers are killing me ! I press down too hard...ack.

Sunday: Went to have Ethiopian with Nicole and her cousin Adrienne...too much "injera" makes Abe a stuffed man. It was interesting...but I needed a fork.

I've got my set list down... I'm playing like 10 originals and 3 covers...something like that. Depending on how much time I'm actually going to have...and how much"witty banter" I'm going to engage in. heh. I'm hoping for a decent turn out...20-30 of my friends would be nice.

Hong and Uncle Alan listened to me practice...I think I surprised the heck out of them....no one in my family has really heard my singing voice...and I don't know why no one believes me when I say I sound really, really frikkin different... guess they just have to hear it for themselves.

Dang...Norah Jones.

And yes, I realize that people aren't necessarily as open as I am...the whole shebang...and surprisingly...this is me being guarded. I guess I really have nothing to hide...and I'm just welcoming to anyone. People tend to be wary...but this is me...honest. For serious.

Been reading CHOKE...Pahulniak (however you spell it)...lots of FIght CLub similarities...he just writes about messed up people with addictions...all the time. Hitting the same note.

Anyways... more rehearsing after work.

GIG DETAILS!
Saturday, February 22, 2003 02:12 a.m.

oooh...sleepy. Been practicing and sending out invites. Here's the info:

ABE CHANG: ACOUSTIC AND ECLECTIC!

You are cordially invited to attend Abe’s first full on acoustic RAWWKFEST beginning on February 28th and continuing on until Level Orange is reduced to "a lovely mauve" (and then some!).

What: My first official gig in years! Over an hour of old and new songs, some quirky covers, perhaps some poetry, and lots of surprises.

How Much: FREE! whattabargain!

When: February 28th, 6:45--8:00 P.M.

Where: Manhattan Theatre Source [ www.theatresource.org ] 177 Macdougal Street (and W8th) (by the W4th Train Station, and mere steps from Gray’s Papaya!)

Who: ME !

Abe Chang is an award winning published poet with an M.F.A. in Creative Writing from NYU. A "retransplanted" New Yorker, this 27 year old singer/songwriter spent his college years in Boston, London, and Asia and returned to New York to pursue his career as a writer. In 1996 he recorded a D.I.Y. album entitled "just in case I lose you" and is working on a new release for this year.

Why: Because you need to be rocked like a fekkin’ hurricane, or serenaded like whisper. But hey, you are gonna get both! Lucky you.

LIMITED SEATING IS AVAILABLE! Get there early to get the best seats! Or you can just stand. (You’re more likely to get goodies if you are up front.)

LIMITED COPIES of "just in case i lose you" will be sold. Get them while they last!

Hope to see you there,
-Abe

Azaleas?
Friday, February 21, 2003 09:36 a.m.

Work went by pretty quick...was kind of working on my set list for the gig in between the fact checking...heh. Looks like I have time to play almost 15 songs... but with "witty banter" and maybe a few poems thrown in...I'll have a few back up numbers that i can cut out if I want.

Went to Azaleas...Cindy's (Jen Lee's sister) lingerie store on 10th between 2nd and 1st Ave. PLUG PLUG... yeah... cute shop...lots of unmentionables. Hung out with the gals and chatted about how I need to meet OLDER women since the one's in my past have all kind of flipped out on me (they blame it on age...I think it's other factors) ...but I'm not exactly the most mature person either. Emotionally, I'm pretty stable...that's the one thing I have going for me...but I'm too damn sensitive and that's something that I need some serious walls for.

Anyways, went home and rehearsed... my voice has changed and the old album is kind of embarassing...well..the liner notes are... but the songs are mostly decent. Only going to be playing 2 of those at the gig...but the new songs since then are much,much better...

It's Friday already? sheeesh.

OMG...I've got a gig.
Thursday, February 20, 2003 09:41 a.m.

Ok...so this whirlwind of creativity has finally caught up with me. Since the "Spanish restaurant" incident and the possible opening slot for numbertwelve...I've decided to be proactive.

My co-worker Anne, is an actress. We talk about the arts and all that other stuff all the time. And I mentioned that I was a singer/songwriter also...so she's in an experimental theatre group and they need musicians to play a pre-show for their new play/film thing. Anyways, long story short. I trekked over to Manhattan Theatre Source (by NYU...located conveniently near Gray's Papaya) and checked out the space. AND scored a gig for next Friday. So...I'll be reading poetry/ rockin' out for an hour at a nice little space. More details to come. I got to round me up a support group. It's been years since I've done a full blown gig. wheeeeee. fun.

And the other stuff..."a friend who will remain nameless" got SUCKERKISSED yesterday...some guy claiming to be a French club promoter wanted her to do a website. Anyways... he got her to do the "kiss kiss" thing on the cheeks...but he kissed her on the lips the second time! And he's not FRENCH! HAHAHHAHA. only in NY...or maybe in Paris.

Gave the comic shop girl the poem I wrote. HA.

SOMEONE has been difficult and nosy. But it's been interesting. I'm intrigued. hoooray for ghostly fonts.

Lucia is in a bad mood...she was recording for a DVD track for a Buster Keaton movie. What happend? DO not know. But she'll be fine. Tough Incaviking. OH...bought some guitar gear yesterday, ran into Glennis on the bus, went to the house to shovel and warm up the cars, went home to rehearse.

WORK...yay. No more charts! fact checking now...much better.

YAO da man!...sorta...
Wednesday, February 19, 2003 09:35 a.m.

LOOK! NEW E-MAIL ADDRESS! If you are reading the blog...you should drop me an e-mail and say hi. I'll probably try to link to a guest book sometime soon.

Stayed up late to watch the game. Yao did pretty darn well until he got fouled out on that bogus call. Oh well...Kobe, damn. Double OT...too much excitement for me.

Not much else going on... the snow and the dreariness are just pissing me off now. I feel stifled. Spring can't come any sooner.

Which means less shoveling and more gym time. wooot.

Pray for those in the South Korea train fire. That's just crazy. Too many psychos in the world. What a horrible way to go.

Serious jones to perform... co-worker wants me to swing by her acting group...I might be able to do some music for them as they set up for scenes and other experimental stuff. But my stuff is altrock/mainstream...how would that work?

AIM is a blessing and a curse... leave me alone! Talk to me! Urrrrgh.

Jen Lee Hong's sister opened up a lingerie shop in the village.."Azleas" I'm supposed to drop by tomorrow and say hi... weird.

Work is the sucks.

Why Lucia is the SHIZNAT.
Tuesday, February 18, 2003 02:03 p.m.

Ok...this is why I adore da Lucia:

Dear Mr. President,    

With all the impetuosity of my twenty years, and what is sure to be termed by my parents and older friends as lack of judgement (perhaps they're right, and with the circumspection of future years, I shall have reason to regret this), I take keyboard in hand to write and express my concern over the events of the past couple weeks.

    Is it really necessary to cultivate America's paranoia and fear by announcing "security levels," codes of alert, and generally behaving in an overly dramatic way reminiscent of folk tales, of which I won't say much other than "The sky is falling!  The sky is falling!"  I realise that you would like to be re-elected, but is scaring the American people really the only way to do it?  And, if so, is the best thing for America really your re-election?  Some of my friends in New York have become depressed and worried, a few to the degree that they don't want to leave their homes.  Now, yes, granted, there may be a well-founded basis to increase alert among law enforcement and military.  But there are plenty of maniacs out there already on a hair-trigger, and they don't need this added incentive for erratic, potentially dangerous behavior.  Add to your "code orange" such incendiary terms as "homeland security," which admittedly (to quote Robin Williams) evoke patriotic, romantic images of old men in Britain in World War II, colostomy bags in hand, screaming at the enemy, waving pitchforks  -- and the past few weeks are sure to be viewed by history as a farce.  This sort of behavior, rather than inspiring any patriotic feelings in my breast, simply causes me to raise an eyebrow, and try to find, somewhere, a reason to be proud to be an American.  I've yet to find one. Any suggestions?

  Most respectfully,

  Lucia Martinez

Nuff said.

SNOW..blarrgh.
Tuesday, February 18, 2003 9:40 a.m.

Ok...back at work...but is it any better? Doesn't seem like people are in yet...and the snow is fun...but horrendous.

Didn't do much besides, eat, work out, watch TV, and surf the web, and think too much about things I cannot change...sigh. Must turn my brain off.

Can't seem to get the rhythm down for "All My Life" arrrgh...must keep practicing...dangnabbit....Dave Grohl!

So...back at work. see what happens today.

SNOWED IN !
Monday, February 17, 2003 08:09 a.m.

Hooo boy. I ain't going noooooowhere today. It's the Blizzard of 03...and I'm up early. And I'm supposed to be at work. Yeah, right.

The weeked rundown:
Friday: Ugh...spent Vday with the folks and Justin, before they wentoff to Canada. Stayed home from work and was supposed to help them pak etc...In any case, TRIED not to mope and think aout my illustrious past.Yeah.
Saturday: Went out to meet up with Robyn, her bfriend Will, his sister Judy/Kyoko, Cian, her bfriend Todd, and Frances. I have not seen Robyn in 5 years andshe has not changed AT ALL. Cute and spunky. We went to a Spansh restaurant near NYU (yeah...I can't get away...) and summarily got drunk on sangria.

Yeah, that stuff is DA DEVIL. After about 6 glasses, I snatched the guitar from the flamenco guy and played and sang for the whole restaurant! It was a vry rock staaaaah moment...they loved it and wanted a encore. So, I plyed to songs and sang my little heart out. The restaurant folks asked me to come back and play again. And I got a lot of compliments on my voice (hey, what about the guitar prowess???) Now the question is... would I do ths sober???

Went to Bar 89...jut for te bathrooms. Then went to dicotechque and got our grooove on. That Kyoko is an eilwoman. Nuff said.

Todd is adopted and has some strong views on Asian American stuff...definitely cool...should email him. Kyoko...welll...hmmm supposed to hang out? Urrrgh, ya never know.

Sunday: stayed in and took care of the grandparents. My por grandpa...he got an eyepatch like Justin! AWWWWW....

Not much else...oh yeah. The accursed internet. Started talkng to Sunjoo...she's from Stuy too! Very cool, creative type. We seem to be getting along...though I may be assuming too much. (yeah, one letter away from Esther's name...KOWAI!) I'm being cautious...but I think new friends are always kooky in the beginning. She's a "grammarnazi" like a certain Incaviking I know...heh. We'll see.

So what a I going o do today? Watch anime, maybe writie a little, work out, nap? And oh yeah...Joe Millionaire. WADDDA SHMUCK!

And Lucia is up to her little schemes again. Which I find infinitely amusing...heh.

AND it is SOOOOO obvious that ERK likes the Charlotte. Oh come on! That's my bro ! (he's gonahate me for saying that.)

The snooooow's coming dowwwwwwn...I'm watching it fallllll.

Vday is the SUCKS...
Friday, February 14, 2003 04:14 p.m.

So...I took a day off. Going to help my folks pack up for Canada. A little freaked out about the Orange stuff..and about being alone...yet another year.

Not much going on here. Refecting on the past. And despite what anyone thinks...there have been three women in my life that I have really loved. Grace, Soo Mi, Esther. They all meant so much to me at the time and I as happy for a little while. But my heart breaks that things never seem to work out. Whether time or circumstance or whatever else...I'm not very good at matters of the heart. What can I do but write and exorcise my demons on the page? I'm tired of being hurt and regrouping and geting hurt again. No more. Lord knows, there is a good woman out there for me.

No, I'm not moping. I've had my fair share of that. What I need is patience, hope, and faith. There isn't anything wrong with me. I just tend to give my heart away to the wrong people. I need to be fine with being alone, out having fun, not taking things too seriously. I'm not ready for anyhing like that. NO. No more drama.

And I'm NOT looking for anything (though it is shiggity shiggity shwa-vulous) like this: http://starterupsteve.com/swf/Group_X_video.html

(thanks,Lucia....keep scowling.)

So, what does this all mean? Well, I'm a good guy. And some day (hopefully, soon) I'll find someone that thinks the same.

But until then...sobsobpoorEMOboy...I don't need it.

Happy Vday...you sick lovelorn fools!

TGIF...better get your duct tape!

Anxiety...up to here.
Thursday, February 13, 2003 09:31 a.m.

Ok...so work is hectic and this Level Orange business is just ridiculous. Is it the end times or what?

Had the "talk" with Wendy last night. Walked her to class and let her know that I liked her...but she is leaving. So being friends is the only way to go. We are both very cool with it and can still joke around and all. I think she should head back to Asia ASAP...but she says that she is staying until May. I'm sure her folks are freaking out about it now...

Not much else...besides the stress of wanting to tie up loose ends. Have I told all the people in my life how much I care about them? Seriously, this could all go up any day...and is anyone prepared for it? Lord, help us. There is so much left that we need to do...but time and circumstance. Yeah.

So, the week draws to a close and the world doesn't seem right. I hope I get to look back on 2003, years from now and reflect on how life was.

So...I guess I'll say it. I love you. Yeah, you... sneaky blog readers!

Stay safe. Be good.

Uninspired...
Wednesday, February 12, 2003 09:17 a.m.

Yeah...still kind of down in the dumps...what can I say?

Took care of Justin all day. His eyepatch was not really of the pirate variety...but it was functional. We hung out and were sick together. All that dust from my computer was maling me hack...and now my DVD player is on the fritz...seems like things seem to break down all at the same time.

Did not win the lottery. Was not happy.

So, Robyn and co. are coming into town this week. And apparently so is Enny...and Lucia bought her plane tix. But my question is...NY isn't the safest place in the world at the moment... why come here if you have the choice not to?

Oh...forgot to mention...Deanna's friend's band...I may open for them. If we can get things settled that is...www.numbertwelve.com. I wonder if our stuff would mesh...I'd probably play a rockin' acoustic set...with my typical EMO-lite flava...so ...we'll see.

Not much else going on...Friday looks bleak. It's just another day, isn't it ?

day off...
Tuesday, February 11, 2003 10:48 a.m.

So...feeling kinda crappy. Not at work.

Work is just tedious at the moment...and I've been unhappy and stressed all weekend. I'm just burnt out...and I need to get some perspective.

Hit the gym last night and took the train with Doris. Pretty much all there is to say.

Cleaned out my computer because it was sputtering like a fiend. So much dust inside...so I had to clean that out and seal the sucker up. I think it's better...but it's still making weird sounds. Ugh.

Justin has an eye infection and has on an eye patch. I'm gonna go over and take care of him.

I need to get over ...ALL OF THIS. And just look ahead to the new and improve on the state that I am in.

There isn't anything wrong with me. I'm ok. I just need to surround myself with people who are...I guess...stable. It's just better this way. Logical, huh?

Oh...Mary J. No drama...it's really the only choice.

misery...no company.
Monday, February 10, 2003 09:30 a.m.

Had a rough weekend...nothing in particular...just the general mood.

Friday: Went shopping with Christine and then she bought me dinner at Mandoo Bar. I'm glad that she is doing well and that things are good for her. But it kind of makes me feel like crap. heh.

Saturday: Got up early-ish and went home to hang out with the folks. Took Justin to see Shanghai Knights. He's growing up...but still a big baby. I love him more than anything. He's into the whole videogame thing at the moment...I see so much of me and Eric in him. It's funny.

And that's when it all went down hill...for some reason...when I got home...it just felt like a kick in the gut. How things have been so volatile lately...how moody I have been...and it just all came out. Stupid.

Sunday: Wrote a little. Been working on the novel again. Must be disciplined and be consistent. Have to have pages done every week. Even if it is crap...it's got to come out. Then went to church...Lord knows, I need some healing. Met up with Nicole...she's doing ok...but she's got her own stuff to deal with. NBA. wooo.

Been having dreams...not necessarily nightmares... all having to do with Sue, Esther, and my brothers... I don't know why....but I guess that's what has been on my mind. I'm sad...but stronger. I need some major work done on me.

Work... terror threats...brokenness... Lord, does it get better? Keeping my eyes up...