IM cuteness...
Friday, January 30, 2004 02:22 p.m.

Was just IMing my little bro...and I asked him "what you get me??"

His response: "love"

HAHAHAH so cute!

SHE BANGS! own it forever!
Friday, January 30, 2004 08:40 a.m.

well.. yesterday was non-stop work...it was just nuts... wrote lots of manuscript etc...

Went to Chinatown to get a haircut... kinda dorky looking because it is so neat...oh well..

More work... went to 71st to use my BR card...on boxers. They didn't even have that expensive shirt I wanted...oh well. And the Game Stop there...had the IGNITION DDR PAD ! Oh man... tempted to get it... 100 bucks on a thick foam dance pad...hmmm. I just might...we'll see how much bday money I get.

Home... puttering around as usual...and then... AOL... gets compromised...someone apparently hacked in and got my password and was sending emails (pornSPAM) of course... and I had to change my password and scan for viruses...so far ok...but I'll call later and see what else needs to be done.

Hey Joey...don't know why only my blog came up with "kill bill"...but I did love the movie...and Part 2... leaves me drooling...but it's delayed! CRAP!

Anyhooo... I got dressed up for my outing tonight with my girls Doris and Eunice...I have no idea where they are taking me...but it should be fun. I will of course blog about it in the a.m. They are my preciousssssssss!

Came into work with a nice surprise...cup of coffee the way I like it... and a muffin with a candle in it. Emily said she got me a present like a month ago...but forgot it at home! Oh well... I'll get it monday. She's so sweet. I love her...but not like that... hahahah. Eh...thems the breaks, kiddies.

Oh yeah...booked next gig at the green room. Feb. 23rd. MANIC MONDAY show... and I'll be playing at 6:00... a little earlier. Want to test out some new tunes...smaller crowd , ya know... and I will definitely be doing a shout out to my man... Mr. Hung!

And for your TGIF enjoyment...presenting WILLIAM HUNG's rendition of the RIcky Martin classic: "SHE BANGS!"

You'll need Windows Media Player... but cut and paste this and you will be in for "a real treat":
http://home.adelphia.net/~alwin/shebangs.wmv

And remember...he had no professional training! AMAZING!

TGIF... God bless you, Mr. Hung (like a ....) heh.

Birthday wishes! Gimme !

snow day...woot!
Thursday, January 29, 2004 01:05 p.m.

Woke up early to call into the office...message saying that we are closed! But apparently... that was only for our trade division...but no one in our office came in anyways...heh.

Anyways... I brought work home... and watched "Anger Management" while reading about African Proverbs...yes...it was trippy.

Went out and got groceries for the grandparents...

Stayed in and played some music... jammed on some new chords...cleaned up... pretty much my day.

Work is kicking me in the arse right now...so making this short.

Hey you! I know you, and you, and YOU are reading my blog...so who else is ? Sign my guestbook!

lots of random stuff...bad mojo going around ?
Wednesday, January 28, 2004 12:17 p.m.

I know I did this a few months ago...but just wanted to know who is reading this regularly? Drop me a line in my guestbook...the link is conveniently located to your <--- (left). And bday wishes are always welcome. 3 days to go! :(

Work has been cranking up lately...and we are working ahead too...very odd.

Had lunch with Emily for the first time in awhile...she bought me Cosi goodness... I was making fun of her because she looked shorter without heels on... so I kept saying LOTR lines. "Mr. Frodo...don't leave your Sam!" ...said it in my weird Irish accent. HA...it was fun.

After work...just peddled home to avoid the snow... Cleaned up watched TV... and caught the American Idol stuff...ith WILLIAM HUNG...

"SHE BANGS SHE BANGS!" My first thought was "you poor stupid chink." HAHAHA! He just made Asians cringe... and well everyone else...it was TERRIBLE. "She rook rike a fry...but she sting like a beeeeeeee!" HAHAHAHHA !!!!

Got bad news one after another... poor Reva...all this stuff she is going through...

Vicky's grandfather passed away... please pray for her and her family.

Romana's bfriend got diagnosed with some chronic lung disease. Please pray for Cliff, as well.

Talked to Deanna again...she is so unhappy with San Diego...she really needs to move back and apply for grad school back in NY. She wants to be a teacher... which I think is a good choice for her.

Lisa is very cool...we chatted some more...and she is amazing...karate, skiing, cooking classes, politically active... very ambitious. Cool beans~

And Sunjooo...your bday is over. :P It was a good one, no?

Great news... our office is closed for the day. So I'm at home.. reading African Proverbs. The only good thing about this job is I get to learn so much.

Ok...my grandparents need milk. I will try to brave the snow and get them some groceries.

...LATE BREAKING NEWS....

Lucia has a REAL boyfriend now. Meaning "mutually exclusive"...wowness. Anything can happen in the world now! Maybe even Abe might find a girl! Can this craziness continue ???

Happy Birthday, Sunjoo !
Tuesday, January 27, 2004 09:47 a.m.

Yes...Sunjoo is a ripe 22 today. Wanted to give her a big shout-out. Happy, happy Sunjoo-chan! DAISUKE~~~ ! Chatted with her on IM when I got home last night... I told her if I had a girlfriend that was far away...I would take a day off and fly over for her bday...of course! I believe in grand gestures on special occasions...and every day surprises. It's the little things that count...but the big ones can be so much better. Ha...so considering the nature of our friendship...unfortunately... a blog shout-out...is all you get! We shall spend quality time in the future. dorkus. :P

Yesterday was a hullaballoo of activity... work has been getting more intense with the editing ATE stuff... and I have a load of multi-tasking stuff to take care of also... great.

Had lunch with Eunice...totally random... we had bratwurst and andouille (they said andoville...which I think is wrong) snausages...heh. Eunice HATES bratwurst. write that down.

Anyhooo... more work and stuff... then shopping... got new shoes! But can't wear them until the snow goes away...

Went to Doris' ...Sara was over and we watched Sex and the City and had some wine...so yeah... kinda gay. I don't want to be seen as one of the "girls" ...but sometimes... it's too little too late.

Anyways... after some wine we wnet to Boca Chica and met up with Eunice and Seth...had sangria and boulliabaise... and had more drinks...I didn't want to drink ...so Doris got me a Shirley Temple !! HAHHAH...

Was explaining my whole "Blue Chick" analogy to Seth when Eunice just erupts in this loud ZZZZZZ snort! OMG...I was so taken aback...and it was funny too...but so random...my sweet Eunice! Bustin' my chops ! OMG!!! So unexpected...

Well..we had a good time... had a good chat with Sara on the train... and getting ready to shlepp to Chicago...

There was something funny that happened at Doris'...but I forgot what it was... crap... that's what red wine does to me.

Home...chatted with Deana a bit...she does remind me of Maggie Gyllenhall... heh...she says she gets that a lot... I miss that kid! She hates San Diego...

Emily just asked me about blogs...oh man... she better not go snooping around and find this. I think I wrote some embarassing stuff on here (and soem sweet things too...) but oh well...such is the blog...and the blog is such.

Ok...I got a headache. Lemme alone.

holed up weekend...
Monday, January 26, 2004 09:32 a.m.

Not much going on this weekend... too cold to go out and too tired to do much of anything... Sleep debt over the week caught up to me...which meant... nap time.

Family came over on Saturday... had dinner and hung out and got some new year's red envelopes (and some bday money too...heh.) and that was really it...

Oh...finished up the "uptown girl..." song...heh... see the REVISED lyrics below... I think the little Billy Joel/ Christie Brinkley coda is really cute...can't wait to play it at the next gig.

Anyone have any connex in finance world ? Need to get my cousin Chris a job.

Sunday... woke up late... too cold and stomache-achey to do anything besides stay in and watch South Park some more...

Cleaned up around the apartment... more "queering up" the place... and watched the Golden Globes... I must MUST get "Lost in Translation"...sounds like my kind of movie.

And oh yeah...sold like $335 worth of DVDs... so I won't have to spend any money on DVDs for awhile...heh.

Sunjoo's gushing over K has reached all time highs. I gave her my famous steak recipe for Vday... man...the dread day is coming soon!

Angeli has been cool...chatted a little more...but mystery continues.

Other than that...just pondering the year that was... only 5 days left before I turn the big 28... sheesh. I need to start off right.

Urrrgh...it's Monday.

busy busy Friday...
Saturday, January 24, 2004 07:37 p.m.

I usually don't blog on the weekends...but Friday turned out to be relatively eventful...

Starting work on the ATE... had a bunch of meetings...so work flew by.

Tomoko sent me pics of her half-nekkid in Hawaii. Great way to start teh day. HAHAHAH!

Was supposed to meet Gloria for lunch...but her bfriend's high school friend passed away and she was dealing with that. Such a tragedy... Please pray for them.

Went to lunch with Doris in Grand Central...Zocales mexican/latin food...had the best Cubano sammich I ever did have...but it was ginormous ! Had a good talk...

I was telling her how I watched the Bands Reunited: Flock of Seagulls episode...and how the two brothers hated each other, the guitarist went nuts, but the bassist...the kooky one, the lively one, the one with the humor... was doing great with kids, a French bed-n-breakfast...and when they reunited...he was the one that got them all smiling and happy... in any case...I want to be THAT guy... not one of the other 3... ugh.

In any case... there are just times when we need to be selfish and take care of ourselves...and their are times when we need to look away and try to focus on others...because we hold ourselves under such intense self-scrutiny that we are driving ourselves mad. Depends on where you are.

Doris asked me to add this...I was telling her about how there are interlocking enzymes that work because they compliment each other. And I was trying to explain how the nooks and crannies and hills and valleys worked and I somehow managed to do the "index finger through the circle" motion with my hands by accident...it was funny. Point is...we need someone whose strengths will match our weaknesses and vice versa.

Been thinking about my past a lot lately... it makes me sad. I wonder how those crazy girls are doing...and if they are happy without me. I miss...being missed.

Weird thing... Emily asked me to get a drink with her...as she waited for her "friend" I was all freaked out that it was "the guy" ...but it ended up being her friend Caroline... Anyhoo...went to a Mexican restaurant and had margaritas... talked a little...she doesn't talk about the dude...and I don't ask... sigh. It's still hard for me because she IS my friend... but still the feelings kind of linger. And until I can find someone else worth the time and effort to dream about...it's going to be difficult knowing that Em has someone. She's a great girl and deserves the best...I hope this guy is up to that challenge.

Went clothes shoppping and got pinstriped pants! (a little snug in the hootenanny) but still...I finally got them. Does that make me queer? And I got some other stuff.

Poor Eunice is sick...but we went to Mandoo Bar on 11th and University (new one) for dinner...and the weirdest thing. The moment I step in...all these people turn and look at me... I was like huh ? Then I go downstairs...same thing happens... and then a waitress comes down and kind of winks ... I was like WTF ? "Do I got a boogie?"

I felt very uncomfortable...and while Eunice was in the bathroom...the manager (young guy with orangey hair) starts chatting with me and telling me about the place and asking me to come back...showing me the space...very odd.

So my theory...is that I look like some Korean star (a big dumb dorky one) that recently got famous or something... because I never heard of anyone looking like me. But it was a very awkward feeling... who knows.

Anyways... went around with Eunice to Forbidden Planet and Circuit City and had a pretty early night...home by 1030...my poor girl was sick... and I think she got me sick too, actually.

Stole this link from her blog...really cute/cool animation.

Crank up the bass:

CLICK HERE

Enjoy the weekend!

New song lyrics
Friday, January 23, 2004 03:41 p.m.

Wrote this during a meeting today... was fast ... like 10 mins... need to refine it a little more. But cute, huh? Especially the bridge !

"For an Uptown Girl, You Spend A Lot of Time Just Feeling Down"

insouciance is part of your design
diffidence--the key to feeling fine
cool, calm, and collected
when caring is a crime

for an uptown girl you spend a lot of time just feeling down
for an uptown girl you spend a lot of time just hanging ‘round
and you know, I’d go... and take you far away
but you won’t and you don’t...have too much to say

I want to wake you up and shake you to the world you’ve got outside
shed the second skin you wear and take you for a ride
this city never sleeps
and your heart still beats
just waiting for the chance to come alive

bitterness is where you’ve built your shrine
indifference is all you have in mind
cool, calm, disaffected
but you’re spinning on a dime

for an uptown girl you spend a lot of time just feeling down
for an uptown girl you spend a lot of time just hanging ‘round
and you know, I’d go... and take you far away
but you won’t and you don’t... have too much to say

I want to breathe and resuscitate you, bring you back to life
tear that stubborn armor, you’ve been wearing every night
this city never sleeps
and your heart still beats
just waiting for the chance to come alive

so let’s go to the L.E.S.
downtown love is the best
I’ll take you to the greatest bar
Tuesday special, no cover charge!

for an uptown girl you spend a lot of time...
for an uptown girl you spend a lot of time...
Billy Joel...he's just feeling fine. Billy Joel said it in '85

But you're no Christie Brinkley
You're no Christie Brinkley
Nononononoooooooo!

Cute, ain't it ?

unexpected adventures...WAI~
Friday, January 23, 2004 09:42 a.m.

OK...work is ...getting different... was assigned to work on the ATE for the World Lit project...meaning... I'm going to be doing a lot more writing and editing than reading from now on. So actualy work...which is good...or bad... depending on how you look at it.

Anyhooo... not much going on in the office besides a bizarre meeting where we discussed what could and could not be in our books. Case in point: younger grades had "Owl and the Pussycat" or something like that...and there was a line that caused hysteria in the classroom...I'll leave it up to your imagination.

Case2: Victorian excerpt... "he put his hand into her muff" as in muffler....hand warmer thing. DIRTY !

Needless to say...we were cracking up in the conference room. Lovely.

...and damn that Emily. :( So cute. :(

After work... went to meet Tomoko at Astor Place... oh man...I picked up Battle Royale II !!! Bootleg DVD I know...but it's never going to get released in the US... and I mean NEVER.

Anyhooo... met up...went to Holy Basil and got some takoyaki on the streets...and went to Boxers for dinner... (hmmm all the places I went with Sam...urrrgh...just coincidence...what is Sam doing, pray tell. )

Tomoko and I proceeded to whine and talk about failed relationships and all the craziness that has happened in our lives...since...well...10 years ago or so. In any case, she drank me under the table...4 beers and I was done...she could have kept going...but oh well...it was a lot of fun.

Took train together and at 36th Street...the train stalled...and we all had to get out in the freezing cold...so we went to Hess...had a well deserved pee... Tomoko bought two huge bags of Guacamole Doritos...which I thought was hilarious and walked to Steinway...by that time...trains were ok...

Took me 2 and a half hours to get home...but still ... loads of adventure... we've both changed SO MUCH since high school...and I think we are still good friends...if not better now since we are fully-formed human beings (though kind of jaded) ...in any case...I was drunk and exhausted.

...and itching to watch BRII! Watched most of it...but was too tired to finish...wasn't as good as BR I of course... but nonetheless... still awesome. Will finish it tonight!

And wow... TGIF time already ? woootness.

Stay warm, kiddies.

Queer Eye-Part Deux?
Thursday, January 22, 2004 10:06 a.m.

I got to work at home yesterday ...and I was actually really productive... I went through my books and wrote up some stuff on Luisa Valenzuela... good stuff.

Puttered around and cleaned up... getting ready for Chinese New Year.

So ...according to the Lunar Calendat...today is my "birthday"...eh.

Folks, Justin, Grandparents came over for food... and that was that.

Interesting fact: Tomoko sends me a forward about how the PR firm for Queer Eye needs someone desperately for this 8minute.com speed dating thing... so ...I applied again. I doubt I'll get a call...but who knows.

Oh...and having dinner with Tomoko tonight. heh.

Nicole called me late last night... it's been so long since I've seen her... talked a bit..things are going well for her.

And here is why Robert Rodriguez is my hero... I got the "Once Upon a Time in Mexico" DVD and the extras have him showing off his studio and special effecets...and even a cooking lesson. The man is a genius...he writes, shoots, edits, SCORES his movies...and he cooks. I want to be just like him...a whiling dervish of creativity.

Anyhoo.... Gong Xi Fa Tsai, ya'll !

loving the apartment
Wednesday, January 21, 2004 12:06 p.m.

Ok... got a lot of work done yesterday...more Latin American lit and stuff...

Not much going on...Emily is having a hard time sleeping...so I got her some valerian root. It smells like poop...but it's supposed to work. I love that girl...I'm too good to her. :P

Got the ok to work from home...so I'm at home with Kenshin playing in the background and going through more books. It's nice being here...especially since I spent the last few days cleaning up and really redoing the place.

Putting up a lantern last night and almost fell on my TV... good thing I didn't...but the lantern is ripped to shreds... oh well..

And Bands Reunited on VH1 is awesome... I love the 80s. Caught the Romeovoid (huh?) and the Flock of Seagulls (WOOO! They are all bald now though...signature hair is gone!) episodes...

Sigh... things are slowly getting better. I'm getting older...

I am Ikea's bitch.
Tuesday, January 20, 2004 09:32 a.m.

Monday... well.. got up early ... and went with the family to Ikea for a mad spree.

Eric and I ended up getting loads and loads of crap... I got two shelves, some pillows, and...um... some paper lanterns... my apartment looks really nice and clean... and kinda gay in some aspects... hahaha.

Went home...and just built and built and cleaned...I was so tired...couldn't clean anymore...but will have to just keep at it...it's nice.

The Gauntlet is over...and Road Rules won... man...the only person I was rooting for was Sarah...and we all know I love her... but stupid Real World... couldn't help it... Coral was near death ....oh well... just money.

Bring on the Inferno! I wonder who is on that ???

And been chatting with "Angeli" ...she's funny...but I think she is lying about her name! HAHAHHA... silly internet buddies.

Urrrrgh... days are ok... just nothing great on the horizon... waiting for that beam of light...hope it's a busy-in-a-good-way week.

extended weekend...
Sunday, January 18, 2004 09:28 p.m.

Not much going on this weekend besides the influx of family.

Spent Friday just cleaning up and futzing about the apartment...not much to do besides watch anime and play some DDR. At least it started warming up..

Saturday... Eric came home in the afternoon and the whole family came over for my grandma's bday... the babies and all. It was the usual mayhem...

Eric, Nina, and Chris went to Cathy's bday thing but I was feeling anti-social and went to sleep early... Eric was sick so I took care of him all day Sunday... coughing and stuff...ugh...he always gets me sick!

Family over...did some grocery shopping, shoveled out the house... and that was pretty much it for the weekend... not much getting done...nor do I really want to do much of anything...

I looked up my monthly horoscope online (though I rarely believe in those things) and it said I would have a CRAP month of being anti-social and thinking by myself and not doing much of anything... is it self-fulfilling prophecy ? I dunno...but I don't want to be mopey for the whole month...

In any case...I'm bored and in need of something to do... eh...I need a change.

Off tomorrow. God bless, MLK. We owe a lot to him.. just a different shade of brown.

kinda fun...in da cold.
Friday, January 16, 2004 11:07 a.m.

Work was reading Cuban literature all day. Which was actually pretty good.

It was VIcky's last day...so we had lunch together and hung out.

I'm still sweet to Emily... I can't NOT be...but she's my friend now...so I hope she sees that things don't get weird or change just because she is seeing some idiot. *SOB...hahah but I knew this was a bad idea anyways...

Said goodbye to Vicky...I'll see her in like 6 months...I'll miss that kid. She's like my trampy, little sister... hahaha I don't want my little sister to be trampy! ...

I left with Em and she tried to hug me...WTF? I'm taking today off and Monday we are off...so I guess that's why...but seriously...it's probably not the best thing for me now... you know?

Braved the deep freeze and met up with Gloria... went to St. Mark's to this Japanese place called GO...we had some sake and sushi and talked about the sorry state of our lives...which in actuality...isn't all that bad.

In any case...we went to her neighborhood watering hole and had a few drinks... it's a really nice surprise to discover how much we have in common... she's a huge TV buff that posts on a website consistently (kind of like how I was on AOD) and she used to be in an a capella group!

And we got intoxicated...it was pretty fun! In any case, Gloria wins my "coolest new friend award" in recent months. And if she can find me a nice girl...oh man... even better. Actually, if she could clone herself and introduce me to a geekycool,good hearted, cute girl like her...that would be fantastic.

Ended up chatting with Reva for awhile too...silly girlie-girl! Freaking out ... boys are dumb... but give us some grace...we sometimes forget things ...but it doesn't mean we don't love you. And yes...you rock. Attack that recital with no mercy!

In any case... home.. TV and junk food rule the day. TGIF...I'm home and not out there freezing my boys off.

Stay warm.

less crappy?
Thursday, January 15, 2004 10:30 a.m.

Eh... not much happening...took VIcky out for lunch yesterday... had burgers... just didn't feel like working much...

The cold is very unmotivating... I just ended up going home and watching the Knicks. I'm psyched about all the changes...and with Lenny Wilkens... there should be some good stuff happening...a few trades...and the Knicks could be playoff bound.

And South Park with Cartman's "Faith +1" Christian band...hilarious!

Bruce Almighty bonus material... made me realize...that some things we pray for... we don't get...because God has a better plan for us...and if we were to get what we asked for... it wouldn't lead to the things that are better for us in the long run... so I hope in hindsight...all this craptacular stuff...will make some sense. I trust in You, Big Poppa ! word.

Other than that... just trying to stay warm and not letting my nads freeze off!

Taking tomorrow off and just working on music and continuing to clean up tomorrow.

I have on a cute outfit today...Emily and Victoria asked me if I was sure I didn't go on Queer Eye already...ha. nice.

I could care less about anything at the moment... I really need a spark to get me going again.

Can you fire me up ?

the bitter cold... like my heart!
Wednesday, January 14, 2004 09:36 a.m.

Yes, yes...I've been overly dramatic lately... but can you blame me ? This year has just started out with so many disappointments. I'm in need of something crazy good to get me out of this.

And often times... you can't sit around and wait for things to happen...so you have to go out and get things done... so I'm going to work on my music as much as I can ... and then start up with the novel. I have 2 years to get this puppy done...and then...we shall see where my life takes me.

Had lunch with Eunice... we were both kinda down for different reasons...and no amount of eggplant parm was going to make it better. So, BBB and we got hangers and paper towel holders. yay?

Home... and cooking for the week. I would be such a good house-husband... cleaning and cooking... I'm so domesticated. Watched TV and called it a night.

So when does the excitement hit again? When do I get a quickening of the blood and a reason to get up and feel like all is well ? When does the dullness spark into something bright? I'm not sure... I just want to look on these entries and say "Dude, you had no idea things would be so much better in just a few...."

Hindsight... I can't wait.

another crappy thought...
Tuesday, January 13, 2004 03:19 p.m.

Something that I've been hearing a lot of lately... it's worth repeating...

Most of your relationships are doomed to fail.

Even marriage isn't a guarantee of anything.

Man, doesn't that just suck the sucks ?

more craptacular fun...
Tuesday, January 13, 2004 09:45 a.m.

Yeah... it's been a dull week already... some insights...

Met up with Doris for a good, greasy lunch... up by where she was... I love taking library trips...

Emily hasn't been sleeping very well...the poor girl... sleep anxiety...I know it all too well...I still sleep with the TV on... it's just lonely at night... I don't know how to make it go away... oh well...

Other than that...trip to the gym... always helps me forget things for a little while...I love running... I need it. Trying to go to the gym 2-3 times a week...by spring...I should be in good shape...I want to go some place warm...

What's with the influx of people meeting people lately ? Sunjoo, Tomoko, Emily, Reva... sheesh...when is it my turn ?

Chris came over and watched basketball and Average Joe... that show pisses me off to no end...I don't even know how to describe it... it's just infuriating... urrrgh.

Anyhoo...nothing really exciting going on here... will continue the gym-mission, working on music, and cleaning up the apartment.

Crappy days... please go away!

good show...still feeling crappy though..
Monday, January 12, 2004 09:50 a.m.

Friday was pretty great... but I still feel like crap...I had to kill some time before the show so I hung out at Starbucks and made some phone calls.

The two jazz guys at the greenroom were pretty good...they made 7 bucks in tips...5 from the owner...but eh...

My set went pretty great...I ended up making over 25 bucks in tips and played lots of covers and my stuff... I shared my Queer Eye expereince with the audience...heh... it was fun. Angela, her bfriened, Serena, Ming, Elaine and her friend, Eunice and Seth all came out...it was a nice surprise.

Had dinner with Seth and Eunice at a Mexican place... Eunice forgot her bag at the green room so we had to go back and pick it up after... she's been losing stuff left and right lately...hmmm...

In any case... vowed to hang out with Seth more often...we shall be wingmen...he says he has a musician friend he wanted to set me up with...hmmm...

Got home...slept and Saturday was my pissed off "screw you Queer Eye" day of redoing my apartment...moved stuff around...some major changes... which are for the better...I think... And that was pretty much my day...since it was too cold to do anything else really.

Sunday...more of the same... family came over...those kids are loud... Ren Mai and Christopher are in town...he's looking more and more FIlipino now... and the kids had pizza and jumped on me. Pretty much it.

Not sure what is going to get me out of this rut... I just feel like crap lately and I need something good to get me out of this. I need a center that will not fail...and we all know where that comes from...

Oh Sunjoo...congrats. You know what I mean.

This week is going to be gym-ing...working on music...and hanging out... I'm tempted to take Friday off... eh..we'll see.

Pray for me... I need an everyday miracle.

bad things come in threes?
Friday, January 9, 2004 09:39 a.m.

If the old adage is correct... then my days of feeling crappy should be over...

A long day at work entering corrections... and then lunch with Eunice...she treated cause she felt bad because I was so down in the dumps... which was very sweet. Catfish sammich is always welcome.

And the thing is...Sam is obviously ignoring/avoiding/disappearing on me... which puzzles me to no end. She's obviously ok...since she updated her Friendster picture...but what is up with the cold shoulder? I have no clue... women just tend to disappear on me...

Went home and practiced... just not feeling right with the world... Lord, help me... I'm so unsure of what this year will bring and so uneasy right now...

I don't even know what is bugging me... it's the sense that I feel so insecure of where I want to be... I'll be 28 in three weeks...and what do I need to do before I am 29 ?

So much of me is out there for the world to see...but there are wells of what I keep inside. I'm just in need of someone to be here to tell me that it will all be ok. I need someone to take care of me when I feel this weak... and to cheer me on when I feel strong.

It's a Friday...I've got a gig... I've got to let it all out.

It's good to be alive... it's good to be able to stretch out and say "I am still here."

TGIF.

craptacular...
Thursday, January 8, 2004 09:28 a.m.

Crap weather... crap day...I feel like crap.

After the fiasco that was yesterday...that many attribute to the full moon...that I attribute to ...uh...my life... I went straight home.

Mom, Justin and the grandparents came over for Popeye's....they are so funny.

And I practiced a little bit...just wasn't in the mood really... show tomorrow... must practice some tonight...I hope my guitar can hold up in this cold...

In any case, things suck right now...so I am looking for some major changes... first off... DVD consumption is going to be drastically reduced... pay off debts...and then I can buy crap later when I can afford it...

Going to spend my time working out and finishing the dang CD....want to get it done by March. Come on... must work double time !

Other than that... in pursuit of a better me...

Eh...Doris says we'll get married in 2006 if all else fails. Craziness. Anything can happen... just less crap would be welcome.

Pray for me...I need it.

bad news all around. :(
Wednesday, January 7, 2004 02:35 p.m.

Well.. an early post since I know ya'll can't wait...

Went into meet with Queer Eye casting director...and we talked ...but it seems like I need a "romantic interest" because that would be my "storyline" ...but she said she had a good feeling about me...and they may call... And they can't use the music gigs angle because they don't want to promote stuff like that...

She said they need minorities... and that most Asian applicants are too quiet and that African Americans try to promote singing/rap groups...oh well...

Anyways...if they call they call...BUT the guy that went before me...got an appointment for her to go see his apt. He was older and had grey hair and had some event with his wife...in any case... I didn't leave with a good feeling...oh well.

Had quick lunch with Eunice... always good to have her around...

And then...Emily tells me she is dating someone...it was a fix up that went well...so it's still early...but still..

And then I said "I guess you can't be my romantic interest..."

And I said... "I don't need to say anything...you know how I feel." and she said...yeah...that work was an issue...

So if things were different... well.. that's another "what if" that I can't entertain... but she said that she didn't know what she would do without me...

In any case...it's what I needed to really get over this...

We are still good friends and there aren't any weird feelings... not really...but it will take me some time...

Sigh...such is the life of the Abe.

So single ladies out there...the Abe is officially on the prowl... so bring it on!

recap.
Wednesday, January 7, 2004 09:35 a.m.

Ok...so yesterday was my first day back in a long time...it's been a little weird...but I'm ok... Emily is...Emily. I still love her...but there isn't much I can do. She's my friend...and I'm thankful for that. She looks out for me...what more can I ask?

VIcky is back in the office and it's like she never left...she's like my little sister...I beat her up and stuff. It's fun... but I can definitely tell there is an age difference... I feel old around her.

Went to library...and when I got back... that's when I got the call from Queer Eye... odd that.

Had lunchw ith Emily and Vicky...a little weird...cause Em was upset at work and wanted to talk but she couldn't...oh well. We talked later...

Mom and Justin came by after his audition and we went to Chinatown for dinner with my Dad...it was ok...but I got sick afterwards...if you know what I mean.

Any case... details aside... I took pics of the apartment... practiced...and watched the last disc of Rahxephon...alll I have to say is...HUH ??? Like Evangelion...so it's a puzzle wrapped in a conundrum wrapped in an enigma...

Well...that's that... gig Friday, Queer Eye casting call today. AND DANG...it is freezing.

Queer Eye for the Abe ?
Tuesday, January 6, 2004 10:00 p.m.

Just wanted to post real quick...

Know how I said I applied for Queer Eye while I was sick all week ?

Well...they called TODAY...I'm going in to meet the casting director tomorrow.

Isn't that nuts?

Wish me lots of gay luck!

Back at work...
Tuesday, January 6, 2004 09:48 a.m.

Yup... took a sick day yesterday and just slept and relaxed...not much to say except I probably lost a few pounds from not eating...well...more like not having food in the house.

In any case... I'm back at work...and it feels like normal. Emily is still cute as can be...but I need to look at her differently now...

Couldn't sleep last night... a lot of tossing and turning...in any case... I need to make it through today... I'm beat already.

New year...new me?
Sunday, January 4, 2004 01:03 a.m.

Ok...not much has happened in the past 3 days since I've been sick as a dog and feverish. I'm actually feeling better now...but still hacking up unidentifiable stuff.

I watched a lot of Queer Eye for the Straight Guy...and I actually applied for the show. I think I'm ok in terms of clothes...but I could really use a makeover and a serious, SERIOUS apartment workthrough. Wouldn't it be awesome to get on that show? Heck...maybe some girl watching could be the girl of my dreams.

Which leads me to the fact...I am giving up on women. What's the point? I'm not going to do the online thing, the bar thing, or the friend of friend thing...and the coworker thing...NO WAY. It's just all loaded with lots of awful crap. And I've heard this from friends and even saw it on TV... "Most of your relationships will eventually fail." Even marriage isn't necessarily a guarantee.

So in the meantime... I will be working out, playing my gigs, writing, and making myself a better human being.

Lord knows that I've tried so many different things this year...but in the end.. Staying true to who I am is the best route.

I'll meet a nice girl one day. I'm just sick of worrying and wondering...it's just a load of hooey. I'll be ready for her one day. Surprise me.

Cleaned out what I could around the place... and worked on new music. Going to try playing an old song I used to like called "Tearing." Wrote it in 1997! Going to play some neat covers like Belle and Sebastian, Strokes, Coldplay, and Puddle of Mudd... very eclectic... so I think it will be fun.

One more day left before work starts anew... and I'm still sick like a dog. :( I do wish someone was here to take care of me...considering I have no food. Good thing my folks dropped off some meds before they went off to NJ.

Anyhoo...I'll need some more time to recover... hopefully, by Monday I'll be ok again.

Just in: Got this link from Mark...he cut and EXTENDED version of the SPL commercial I was in! You'll have to download it (I'm doing it now...) it's a large ZIP file.

Cut and paste this and save it on your hard drive: http://www.itzfuct.com/video/SPL_SPEAKERS_extended_version_large.zip

Abe is getting better. Pray for me.

Archived.
Saturday, January 3, 2004 01:35 p.m. Well...the remainder of 2003 has been archived. I'm going to start fresh in just a little bit... thanks for staying tuned.