April wrap-up
Sunday, April 29, 2007 11:26 p.m.

Well, got a lot of work done on Friday...and JR's last day before vacation...pretty funny...she was wearing this flowy shirt...and she was showing me the bag she bought for her trip (yeah, last minute)...so she bent over...and I got an eyeful of cleave...oh man... so I had to squat down to get her at eyelevel so I didn't turn beetred. Ahem.

Anyways, I made this little vacation care pacakge for her...since I figured she was stressed out and would forget a lot of things. So, I got her some bug bite stuff, playing cards, a travel journal, some other knick knacks...not a big deal...but she loved it...and emailed me when she got home...really, cute email...she even made me a "Certificate of Awesomeness"...very cute. And...I am finding myself in a very weird and not at all unique position of having an insane crush on someone that probably wouldn't be able to return my affections...so I can tunr all stone-wall-y and just be a friend?

I mean, normally when I really like a girl...I have to make excuses or rationalize things away that make up for their "crazy"...so far...I haven't seen anything that would make me do that for her. Honestly. She is flat-out awesome and just ... arrrgh! I think I am in trouble. And my heart can't take much more disappointment.

I'm terrified of doing ANYTHING...the world goes on around me...and I'm not sure what I am supposed to be doing at the moment. Yes, I'm sending out resumes. Yes, I'm working on music. Yes, day job and freelance. But in terms of finding a real relationship and making life worth something ...I'm stalled.

Anyways....I went out for a couple of drinks with Josh after work...and got home with a stomach ache...and I took a few tums...and whoah..bad idea... I could feel the foam rising up my gullet and I almost puked. Ugh...not pleasant.

Weekend: I watched all of the PCD reality series...and it was ruined! MSG had one of those moments...where I looked up and they congratulated the winner because she was a Knicks dancer. Sigh...Anyways, my faves were Melissa S, Chelsea, and Melissa R...mostly because she reminded me of JR...hahhah.

Cleaned up majorly, wrote like 10 pages of ms for work, watched a few movies. Eragon, Rocky Balboa...which got me pumped.

Comics and the usual...and then...I get a few voicemails from Joyce...and I figure...yeah. She got engaged.

Apparently, A hid the box under his "sac" and proposed at a fancy restaurant. So fitting. Anyways, they may have a rush wedding...well, in terms of other people....but it looks like it may be in September...wow...and Joyce said she still sees me as her "third husband"...well.

Anyways, my brother turned 30 today. I left a message and I'll get him some Xbox stuff later.

Seriously, all these major changes for people around me...a lot of good news. Eric's bday, new job...Joyce getting engaged, Elaine engaged and new job...so....I'm waiting for the wave to hit me. Just something good for me for once.

Holding out for something good and surprising. Sigh. One day. I'm still hanging in there.

the week in review...
Thursday, April 26, 2007 09:39 p.m.

Wow...I am exhausted. I'm going to keep this to a min.

Lots of meetings this week...a ton of work...and just feeling really tired. Applying to jobs, had a freelance assignment, and it looks like I am going to be bringing work home this weekend. I'll try to do a little something at least.

Looks like K might be leaving the company soon...which is sad...but it is good for her. I really need to be looking to move on...this place is just a mess and I will never get paid accordingly...so I can do the same thing and make more...or do something more fun and get paid less...either would be fine with me. I just don't want to be here by the end of the summer.

CCW is going on vacation...and she really was cute this week. She gave me this look at one of the meetings...and I felt my heart skip a beat. Ugh...I can't take much more of this. She is just so awesome...but time and circumstance...and the fact that I just don't feel like myself...arrgh. Frustrating.

Weird stuff...the men's bathroom might be haunted? I was in there by myself and the soap dispenser went off by itself. And when Josh is on my side of the floor...he says his cell phone battery drains mysteriously. Weird.

Met with Ray on Monday night...he was in town for the weekend. We had food and talked Buffy and comics.

Celeb sightings? Ok...I might have taken the elevator with Simon Pegg...the weird thing is he looked much older...same hair cut and Brit accent and he got on the elevator from the radio station floor...and hello...one of my fave movies of all time...so...I think it might have been him. AND...I saw Hinder coming out of MSG...I wanted to scream "YOU SUCK!" but I only know that one sucky song of theirs...

Alex was supposed to be on CSI:NY...but I couldn't pick him out of the crowd...oh well.

Happy Feet-- um...a tad racist...did one of those Scottish penguins slap the little hispanic one? And wow...preachy at the end ..."I don't want to live in a world without penguins!"...well, I certainly don't.

Comics: JLA/JSA/LoSH...just awesome...and the "Dreaming"...oh, man...can my head just explode form a geekgasm or what?

Work drinks tomorrow...bringing work home over the weekend...might see some friends...who knows.

TGIF...this week was exhausting.

insanity..
Sunday, April 22, 2007 10:55 p.m.

Long weekend wrap-up...I'll try to keep it brief.

Thursday: Errands--went out to get my guitar hooked up...and the guitar tech just loosened up the neck and it seems like everything is fine. Went to Barnes and Noble...came home and had dinner with the folks and everything seemed fine.

Friday: Went to Flushing to meet up with Justin and the folks and headed off towards Mohegan Sun...and then at dinner...things just went crazy. Justin had a whole thing of chicken that was crusted with pine nuts. It was "pignola nuts" and he didn't read carefully. So we went to get the EMT to get it checked out...but my dad didn't want to do anything. He wanted him to sit and wait it out. My dad was just rambling on and on about not doing anything and waiting. Which I found ridiculous. He wouldn't stop talking and I just said something that totally took me by surprise to get him to shut up. I was stunned...and I felt terrible that it came out...but in a situation like this...where Justin has a severe and dangerous reaction...you don't just wait. Justin had three full beverages and the EMT came to check him out...no Benadryl...so I ran out and got him some meds...and we tried to have dinner normally. We spent a few hours and things were fine...but when we got home...Justin's face was swollen and he had hives all over his body and he kept spitting cause his throat hurt. We went to the hospital and my mom stayed with him to get a shot. Justin didn't want too many people at the hospital...so my dad was driving me home and he brought up the incident. I apologized for what I said...but he kept going on and on about things that were just insane. Justin was in the hospital...and I was right to act accordingly...my dad had no humility and was going on and on..and I was just fed up...I pretty much got out of a moving car...and went home.

Saturday: First thing I do when I wake up is call and to tell my dad that I was sorry that I lost my temper and said what I did...but I thought my actions were justified. Again, he doesn't get the point and laughs at me...like he was right all along...that this was about him. It was about Justin...and in the heat of the moment...if I said something inappropriate...I can't take that back...but he has to understand that he is not always right and he has to listen to others...especially in an emergency. When he started laughing when I said I thought my actions were right...I hung up.

I went to meet up with Krys and JT...and we had lunch and dessert...beautiful day...but I was still very stressed out. K is going off to Thailand...and I just wanted to go with her and get the heck away from here. JT...pretty much fully healed from her accident. Spent some time in Washington Square Park...and K had to leave and pack. JT and I went to see Grindhouse...which was pretty awesome...the car chase stuff...oops...but JT was ok with it. We both loved it and had a good time.

Sunday: Went to Best Buy and Target to try to get Eric's bday present...but they were both sold out...I'll have to try to get it somewhere else. And then...I didn't go to the family get together...because...I'm just not cooled off yet. I don't want to get into it...because I think my whole family right now understands where I am coming from...and my mom knows I was right. In any case, she tells me that one of my little cousins had a physical confrontation with his dad...similar situation..but it came to blows...what it is ...two men who are classically narcissitic and seriously have issues with their own parents...taking it out on their kids.

They want to lord over their kids...even if they are in the wrong...and it becomes a power struggle...that alienates their children...and reveals their pettiness and insecurities.

Basically, the whole situation was reflected at the wrong time...I have no idea why these things happen in succession...but my mom told me in tears...how she and my aunt wanted to protect their kids from terrible men who have no sense of what it is to be real fathers. Good kids who act out of frustration because their fathers have no way of seeing outside of their egos.

I've been really stressed out lately...and this was just another thing that really did me in. I can't really handle any more. I'm so tired...and to hear my mom...telling me she's give up on my dad...that my dad basically told me he is unwilling to change...that he is the way he is and will be like that forever...it saddens me to no end.

I can't say I have any strong feelings toward him anymore. If anything...I pity him and the person he's become and maybe always was. If I look at my childhood...I rarely remember the times when we were happy. I remember him fighting with my mom...coming home drunk...not being around...humilating us in front of his friends...embarassing us...I can't bring to mind anything positive.

And I am so scared that all the wrong, all the sin, all the evil in me...it's passed on to me from him. I struggle with it...and I hope I can be a better man than he is.

I'm still trying to process all of this...but honestly, it's been like this for years and years. And from what he says...he's not going to change...he is unwilling to change. He cannot see fault in himself...and vanity is the path to destruction.

My mom is just fed up with him...and she wants me to be a role model for my little brother...because she knows my dad can't be...and I'm so sad that she can't get out of this...I know divorce is not really something we talk about...but it's not unreasonable.

I hope and pray for him and myself...that reconciliation doesn't have to come on some dramatic deathbed scene...but I'm not a kid anymore. I know right and wrong...and I can admit to my mistakes...but seeing the measure of a man...someone that you are supposed to aspire to be...and seeing how that person is just a disgrace and someone that is spiteful and self-centered...even when it comes to the people he is supposed to love the most...you realize that sometimes you have to go beyond your genetics.

I'll stop here. I'm rambling and I'm frustrated and tired...I just want things to calm down and get back to normal. My cousin. my little brother, and I....I'm so sad that we had these things happen to us. I have the luxury of living under a different roof...I hope he can deal.

Sigh...I really thought about two ways I could go...give in to despair and let the circumstances of family, job, relationships (wow, three blue chicks...that might be a record) overtake me...or I can try to be positive and wriggle through this. I'm still deciding. I just hate feeling like I am full of hate, rage, regret, all these negative charges...

So, yeah...I need my friends now...I admit it. I'm having a very difficult time with dealing with all of this...so someone's got to step up and drag me out and take care of me for a while...It's a precarious ledge I'm trying to cross right now...I don't know how I'm going to do it alone. Someone buy me a drink or something already.

comp.
Thursday, April 19, 2007 06:25 p.m.

Yes...I get my comp days. So, I got my comics (awesome week) and went to meet up with Elaine afterwards at Yeah Shanghai...and can I just say what a charmed life she has? First, she just got engaged...got offered an insane amount of money at a new job, and just has everything going for her...I really don't think I've ever heard any bad news from her...some people just are fortunate that way.

Me...well, I revel in my little victories...anyways...I totally haven't blogged about the show...the highlights...the CCW came...Eunice came...and some of Josh's friends... the new guitar was ok...but our duet was pretty awesome...the harmonies were pretty tight...but I lost it towards the end...

Anyways, unless there is a good reason...I don't think I'm gonna be playing for a while...it's just too disheartening to play to such a small crowd...ugh. Anyways... glad that Eunice came out and liked the new stuff...and the CCW...well...that's always good.

Work is just really, really pissing me off...I may need to quit and maybe try freelance...who knows what I can do right now?

Anyhoo...I got my guitar adjusted today, watched the Descent, had dinner with folks...cleaned up...and getting ready to get up early to get Moz tickets tomorrow....and oh, yeah...gonna go to Mohegan Sun tomorrow night. Grindhouse and lunch with J and Krys...she's moving to Thailand for a year!

Wow...lots of stuff to blog about..."52" has been awesome if anyone cares...comics bring me joy. Got Avril and new NIN... can I tell you how cool the NIN disc is? You put it in...and the disc is all black....and then when you rip it to MP3....it turns white with 10101001010 on it ! HOW AWESOME IS THAT!??!?

Lost... kinda predictable, don't you think? Have to catch up with DVR stuff later.

Oh...and good news for Eric...looks like he will be getting his very own "EASY" button...damn awesome deal.

I'm tired... but I smell like fish...better shower...comp day 2 coming up!

good/bad news...little/big stuff.
Monday, April 16, 2007 10:43 p.m.

What a weird day... first thing...this guy totally gives me a finger because I wouldn't let him bum a smoke. And then...I get to work and this Virginia Tech massacre...and now I hear this kid was Asian? What the crap is this world coming to? God, take care of those lost souls...tragic.

Work was crazy and tedious and I am just ready to leave. I need to find something else before I seriously lose it...I can't see things getting any better. It's just terrible.

But when I get home...my mom tells me to sit down...and she tells me...the figure...a little over 2K...I thought I OWED..but I'm getting a big fat return...whew. The best bit of good news I've had in a very, very long time...this down period has been going on for weeks...I hope there is an upswing soon.

As for the gig...I think I am just going to have to wing it. I don't feel very prepared...but at this point, I don't care very much. I may just end up playing to an empty room...why is it so hard to get people to come out? It's so disheartening...I'm just going to have to start looking for ways to play for strangers or something.

Long ass commute home, rehearsing, helping prep grandparents dinner, I'm exhausted...can I please, please, please have a good couple of days for once?

Weekend
Saturday, April 14, 2007 08:57 p.m.

Ok...so more weird psychic stuff on Friday...this new guy at work...he looks so familiar...then I found out he is the (now) ex-husband of my old boss! SO WEIRD...and then I was talking to K at the end of the day and found out that he asked if H was single...SO WEIRD!

Anyhoo...got work done and just glad to get to the weekend...ugh. I don't want to deal with this crap much longer...and my headhunter emailed me out of the blue to check on my availability...hmmm...I wonder if this is all leading somewhere.

Got up early and went to the UPS store to return the defective guitars...came home and cleaned up, laundry, watched "RV" (dang ...jojo is getting hot...and she's like Justin's age...so gross!), "Stranger than Fiction"...kinda downer....and "Iron Man"... first half was boring...man, Marvel get with it!

Been reading Ultimate Spidey...and finally got to the issue where he starts dating Kitty...and man, how awesome is that? Finding a girl who understands and shares your passion...why is this so hard? I just need a pop-culture obsessed girl who is willing to try new things.

I like reading, movies, music...what's so unusual about that? Going to concerts, movies, shopping, restaurants...isn't that in the realm of the norm? I don't get it.

I need to start dating again...have to get over the CCW and that girl from January...but I don't really have many options at this point. Little help here?

So, I have two blue chicks at the moment...relationship and work...ugh. Can we just work on one at a time, please?

Best news...I'm being featured on Imaginasian Radio now...so...hope that leads to something. I wish I could just go on tour and quit the day job...how awesome would that be?

Placebo and more.
Thursday, April 12, 2007 10:09 p.m.

So...work was really rough. I talked to the pres and explained my situation. She is going to try to rearrange things so that I don't have to work on the project I was assigned. I hope it works out...otherwise I will have to leave. I could not handle that again.

Stayed at work late and got some stuff done. Went to meet GLoria and we went to see Placebo...I think this is my 10th show of theirs? In any case...they just sounded awesome. Brian sang harmony/countermelody lines ...and the songs just sounded fresh...played most of the new album...and did some old faves...best was "Bitter End" and "Special K" back to back..."Every You", "Bionic" (just makes me happy", "I Know", "Without You...", "Taste in Men", "20 Years"...and "Running up that Hill"...just awesome.

Gloria really seemed to like it too...and I was glad I got to go to a concert with her. She had on a supercute shirt too. :P And I got to see pics of her new puppy...adorable! Bahamian Potcake???

Even got a free poster and stickers! Home to watch LOST and passed out.

Work...ugh...another bad day. Just frustrated with the overlapping schedules and the amount of work that is going to have to go into this stuff. It's going to be really tough. Ugh.

Anyways...I had a minor freakout/meltdown...but I got better when I got home and played the guitar. It actually got better. I think it is getting used to the weather or something...but I know it is starting to loosen up and sound ok. I still love my old guitar though...but plugged in...the new one sounds AMAZING.

PSYCHIC moments...yesterday I told CCW she looked like a ballerina (shirt she had on)...and I mentioned it again today...and she said she used to be a dancer and that's why she came to NYC...is that really true?!?!?

Then...my friend K...said she was bored. I told her to start a book club...and she said that she bought two copies of a book to read with her fiancee! And when she moved...we saw her name carved on the subway! WEIRD!

Oh...and Joyce's bday was on the 10th...not the 12th! I called her and we said we'd go see Grindhouse or something soon.

This has been one of the crappiest weeks. My credit card thing, hurting my hand, guitar stuff, I ordered 2 of the same dvd and a full-screen version by accident...and the CCW and concert thing, and the work stuff...it's just been frakkin' awful. I need the weekend to just sleep and not feel like crap. I just feel like my world is falling apart around me. I don't think I can take one more splinter. Ugh. Somebody save me, please.

TGIF. I am so tired and sad.

arrrgh!!!
Tuesday, April 10, 2007 11:25 p.m.

A day of work and meetings...and the realization that I may have to quit this job. The new staffing for the upcoming projects and it looks like I will be working on Georgia...which was the last state I worked on before I quit my last job...and on my team (quite possibly) was someone that was difficult to work with...at my last job. (looong story)...needless to say...I met with my exec ed. and she set up a meeting with our top exec tomorrow.

I need to either move to a different project altogether, stay on this project and get more help, or get fiercely compensated...I'm just tired of the crap I have had to take at this job. From day one...it has been awful. Ugh. Anyways...that is totally stressing me out.

What more...got the THIRD guitar today...and it was fine...until I started playing more and then there were MORE problems. I cannot believe this. I could probably bring it to the shop to get adjusted...OR...I could send it back and get another one...ARRRGH !!! I don't know what to do...I emailed the company since there offices are closed...what a pain...

OH...and when I was throwing dog poo away...the incinerator door slammed into my hand. I thought I broke a finger! I couldn't feel it for a few minutes...but it's ok...I got big bones.

BUT...Eric might be getting an insanely great job offer at Staples ...if all goes well. He should find out very soon. That would be great for him...finally getting out of that job.

Anyways...Placebo tomorrow..I don't want anything ruining that. Man, I need to get out and just relax. I just want things to start taking care of themselves and getting finalized already. ARRRRGH !!!!

kinda... I dunno?
Monday, April 9, 2007 11:39 p.m.

What a weird kinda crappy day...the CCW didn't want to go to concert with me..so I'm wondering if maybe she is feeling awkward now...or maybe she just doesn't like the band...I dunno...but the more I think about it...the more all of this sounds like a bad idea. Maybe this was a way to occupy my time...maybe it was a friend crush? I don't know...honestly, I find myself thinking about that other girl more often than I'd like to...and truth be known...that's most likely a dead end. So, what do I do?

The good news...Gloria is gonna go with me. I've never been to a concert with her before...but I think it will be fun. One of her co-workers is actually going...so meeting another Placebo fan might be really cool. Yeah, it's a dude though. :P

Feeling all sorts of weird today...just a weird Monday in general and credit card stuff, guitar shipment screwups, tax stuff...all these logistical things...been bugging me.

Anyhoo...after work I went to Target and bought like 20 bucks worth of chocolate. Insane. It's in my fridge right now. Some of it is frozen....it should last me until next year...hopefully.

Weird thing...I was watching that new improv show "Thank God You're Here"...and in one scene this record producer was named "Abe Martin"...um...hello...the guitar I bought (which should arrive--number three-tomorrow)is made by Martin...how weird.

Anyways... lots of stuff I should be doing. Rehearsing, getting resumes out, writing, ugh...dating...eventually. Where do I start? I feel all sorts of lost at the moment...and just not very happy with much of anything. Lord, help me figure this stuff out.

Tuesday...here I come.

Easter
Sunday, April 8, 2007 10:30 p.m.

Got up early and went to church. A little late to service but I got in just when this hot girl was giving her testimony...she was wrapped up in all the "bad" cliches and came to God...see, the whole "girls and God" theory... anyways, Tim Keller was just amazing again. I missed hearing him speak...but it was good to hear him speak on how amazing God can be...when "Death used to be an Executioner...and now is just a Gardener"...how this life isn't the only one we get...how we are supposed to be renewed and given new life...how Heaven isn't unreachable...but is supposed to come down and redeem this place. Great message...

And still...I got out of there as fast as possible. I just can't seem to deal with people anymore...have I gotten to be THAT antisocial?

This weekend was just chock full of movie watching. Saw Sneakers, Let's Go to Prison (which was hilarious...in my book), Fast Food Nation (eh...Linklater gets too unfocused in this one), Ice Age 2 (finished the second half...eh...it was ok), and Cheaper By The Dozen 2 (pretty funny)...damn...that was a lot to watch in like 2 days.

Practiced for gig and just chilled out...not much else. I did have too much caffeine today...because I didn't want to take a nap and get all screwed up and not sleep...but um... yeah...looks like I may have screwed that up anyways.

SOPRANOS...no spoilers but...BACCALA!!!! Man, who is gonna get whacked this year? ENTOURAGE...still a feel good show...and wow...Carla Gugino looks amazing!

Lots of rehearsing this week...and Placebo...and ...who knows what else is ahead. Sigh...Hope it's a good week.

Easter was good...discount candy tomorrow, anyone?

Good Friday
Saturday, April 7, 2007 12:43 a.m.

Pleasant surprise at work...we got out at 2:00! But CCW (who looked really cute today) didn't go to church with me...her friend from London came in early...so she went off with her.

Anyways, I managed to stroll over to Eunice's work place to say hi for a little bit...then walked over to Central Park (yeah, I got some exercise) ...I did take a bus...but it was only for 2 avenues and I got out...so...I did not time it well..and I ended up being like an hour and a half early...so I went to Time Warner Center ...got some Per Se menus...and man, I will go there before I die! 250 bucks a person...wow...

Then I sat in the park and just stared for a little bit...thinking that life wasn't so bad. Anyways, I met up with Nicole and we went to service. Honestly, I don't think any of the speakers really hit me with anything...but the string quartet and the hymns...they were great. And honestly, the old songs...the classic hymns..those are the ones that really move me...almost to tears.

We sang one of my all time favorites..."O Sacred Head"...and here's the last verse:

What language shall I borrow
to thank thee, dearest friend,
for this thy dying sorrow,
thy pity without end?
O make me thine forever;
and should I fainting be,
Lord, let me never, never
outlive my love for thee.

More on that later...went to Starbucks with Nicole after and we caught up. She's such a great friend that I barely get to see...but she really looks out for me and cares. And to think we met like 5 years ago at the one church small group that I tried.

Ok...so this hymn...well, when I first started going to church...I was just starved for inspiration and knowledge...and this was one of my favorite songs...and Amy Grant she did a version of this song... and I had an insane crush on her (when "Heart in Motion" was HUGE)! And when I found out she was a Christian singer in her past (and I guess kinda during the whole "Baby Baby" phase...) I just bought all her CDs...and wow...her music just increased my faith and general outlook on life. I just added a bunch to itunes...I haven't listened to some of this stuff in years...but I know all the words still.

"Lead Me On" is one of the BEST albums I have ever heard (apparently CCM magazine named it the greatest Cont. Christian album EVER...at number 6, ahem..."The Joshua Tree")...and one of my favorite of all time... (I can't believe I haven't listened to it in so long) not just lyrically, but the guitar and drums are just virtuoso good...great production too...anyways...just an amazing album. Some of her older stuff...ranges from pop, country, 80's cheese, and awesomely 70's yacht rock...just listen to the album "Straight Ahead"...the smooth sounds...just takes you back to those awesome days cruising around...but spiritual, too!

And the whole "girls and God" thing...I guess that has been my M.O. all these years...women bring me to faith ...and equally tear me away...sigh. I mean, is it wrong to think that Amy Grant was sexy AND spiritual? It's...so...confusing!

Anyways...Thank you, Amy Grant. Thank you for being hot....but more importantly, thank you for the music and lyrics that pointed me to how amazing God is...and how practical miracles can be. "Saved By Love"..."If These Walls Could Speak" ... "Say Once More"... "Straight Ahead"... "Arms of Love"...so many other songs that changed my life back when I was young. I still remember listening to those songs as I fell asleep and really picturing how God was so present and real in some (hot) white girl's life...and mine.

back to the hymn...gosh..."what language shall I borrow..." that line really gets me. My relationship with words...just WORDS...and the fact that the author...he doesn't even know what LANGUAGE he can use to thank God... that just conveys so much in so few words. and "...never outlive my love for thee"...wow. Powerful and moving.

Christian music...pretty much most of it stinks and rips off secular music...few bands are really original and great...IMHO...but those old hymns with that poetry...it never gets old and it still reverberates through the centuries.

Anyways, home...and I get my replacement guitar and...I open it...the high-E is fine...but then I take it out...and the back of the guitar is CAVED IN! Unbelievable! I called them ...and replacement is on the way...guess third time's the charm? Man, this guitar better be good!

And I walked the dog and looked up at the sky...and was thankful for my blessings, for every breath that I still take, ...despite the loneliness and disappointment...there are blessings everywhere and I know there is meaning behind every defeat, every humiliation...it just makes tomorrow all that sweeter when that day finally comes.

Haircut tomorrow? Church Sunday...and yes, it was a Good Friday.

yay?
Thursday, April 5, 2007 10:38 p.m.

Another work work work day...but the best part...the CCW...she asked me to take a walk with her. She wanted to get a poster for her friend for his birthday...so we took a walk...I bought her a Jamba Juice...and I dug myself deeper into the pit of inescapable...something.

And she told me her vacation plans to Asia and Vegas...and warned me that I would be going through withdrawal without her...gaaaah. torture. I mean, does she not know I am crushing like a junior high kid just hitting puberty? So...whether or not she can make it to church or the concert...we've already had some quality time.

Year-end review...and it was excellent...and all I got was a 3.5% increase...which was considered high? But I am in the "low" range for my position...and like 7K off the median...which does not make me feel very good...the consolation...our company apparently is notorious for underpaying people and those that do make the median...apparently have been here for like 25 years. Oh, joy.

Finished freelance...I feel like a huge weight is lifted...talked to Joyce and she is healing fast...and my replacement guitar is on the way...and I did qualify for the 100 buck guarantee...wooo!

So, all in all...I should be getting like a 100 bucks extra a month and I'll still be single. Sigh.

But ...Good Friday...you know what that means. I'm not going to watch "Passion of the Christ" this year...wrecked me last time I saw it...

Oh...Scrubs...wtf?? Why is this show getting all serious and sad??? come on.

That's about it...TGIF...really.

awesome...and yet...crappy.
Wednesday, April 4, 2007 09:46 p.m.

...for several reasons. Work and weather = teh crap. Comics = teh AWESOME. My new guitar = should have been teh awesome...but was teh crap.

Comics--just so much good stuff came out in one day. But the almost awesome thing...I missed Joss Whedon by 10 minutes. My comic book folks at the store came over and whispered this fact to me...apparently he is semi-regular there now. I won't stalk him...I won't...but I LOVE HIM!!! Buffy comic and Runaways and Astonishing X-Men...LOVE it...wish he had TV or movie stuff out though.

JLA 7...might have been the best comic I read all year. I got a little choked up with the whole Hal, Ollie, Dinah, and Roy thing...too good! Just when I thought the first arc was a bit of a letdown...Metz redeemed it !

The guitar...came home...and it was waiting for me...it sounded AWESOME...until I figured out that the high-E is waaaay off and the action is just insane. The neck must be warped for it not to play past the 5th fret...but a replacement is on the way...sigh...more waiting. I hope I get it soon. Cannot wait to jam on it!!!

Ahhh...and the freelance. This one type of article just stresses me out so much...I quit. I'll do the other kinds...but not this one. Unless I am desperate for cash...no more. too much time and too much stress.

Oh...CCW...I am having a hard time. We may or may not go to service on Friday together...we may or may not go to concert together. I am super nice to her and funny...we IM all the time and she drops by to say hi. She asked to read my poetry and she dug it...and and...arrrgh. I wish I could just...ARRRGH!!!!

Ok...ANTM--getting too predictable. LOST...oh ...gotta run!

weird day
Tuesday, April 3, 2007 08:54 p.m.

And not in a good way...I got into work and it was go go go right away...and I'm not sure how long I want to be at this job with the way people operate. As long as I don't care too much...I think it will be ok.

Went to best buy with K...took a nice walk and mentioned that I loved "Shaun of the Dead"...and when I get back...Joyce calls me and tells me she was in a car accident.

Shattered glass in her face, broken glasses, broken watch, a black eye, wrecked car...it was insane. She had to go to a plastic surgeon...but she says she will be ok. She said she was covered in blood and was trying to get people to call 911...but she felt like a zombie.

Which led me to getting her "Shaun of the Dead" and a zombie book...hahahhah! Well, I think she will like it...and it fits her weird sense of humor. I am just glad she is ok. I love her like crazy and ...yeah. All this right after she got back from Paris and right before her bday too...nuts.

Not much else...got bday stuff for dad, came home, really tired for some reason, freelance stuff is pissing me off and I might just tell them I don't want to do this DVD Listing stuff anymore. ...and the CCW...cuter and cuter...but I really think I cannot do anything. She makes me laugh out loud sometimes...and she's just a riot...but the work thing, the baggage thing, the the...blaaargh. I give up on all of this crap. I don't need the stress or the mental exhaustion.

I'm gonna go to bed early. Leave me alone.

april's fool
Monday, April 2, 2007 10:39 p.m.

Archived another month...if you want to see what happened at the school and anything else that happened in March...head over to the archives.

Weekend: Eric and Char were in town for a wedding...so they came over and we just ate and ate...and after they left...we ate some more. I took Monday off...because I just needed to decompress. And we picked up Ma from work and went to buffet lunch with Justin and dad...and we ate. I was pretty good. Kept it to a "buffet minimum".

I seriously fought the urge to nap. And managed to do laundry, cleanup, and mixdown more stuff...and I think...they are about done. The volume is kinda low...but I think it will have to do so the bass doesn't go nuts...but we'll see the ipod test tomorrow. Sigh...it's never gonna be perfect. Eh...I'm only one person. I just want to get it over with and move on to the new stuff.

Anyways, I asked the CCW (that's what I am gonna call her now) to go to the concert next week. She's still kinda maybe-ing it...man, I gotta work hard. Sigh...I just need a concert buddy. Sheesh.

Did find out that my CSP friend Jen is gonna be interning in NY this summer. AWESOME! I'll have to get max time with her and Cindy while they are in town.

Pretty much all I guess...oh...did I mention that I bought a new guitar? DAMN !!! I got me a low-end Martin...which is like AWESOME...since most Martin's are over a grand or two...cannot wait to get it...which should be weds. or thurs.

Oh...and one thing I did realize...I must stop talking to the dog as if he understands me. I say "Chill out, dahhhg!" all the time...with an unplaceable kind of accent. Yeah, I need some human contact soon or I will seriously lose it.

Ok...someone hang out with me after payday! I'll have money by then...unless taxes murder me. ugh...not looking forward to the outcome.