TIRADE !
Friday, November 21, 2003 10:31 a.m.
Odd day...started with me coming in at 10:30... Elizabeth got a dozen roses from her new boyfriend.... which kind of made the already grumpy Emily... a little more grumpy... so when I went to the post office...I saw they were selling her favorite flowers in the deli and picked up an orange gerbera for her.,,, hid it in her desk... made her day. Why do I do this??? I am always going about... and my love goes unrequited...sigh.
Had a lunch and window shopping session with Eunice... got some good sammiches and sat in the park... where a pigeon pecked me ! It actually touched my leg !
AND... I got like 10lbs. of rubber bands dumped on me in the rubber band fight in the office... it was nuts. They put some speed on those things too... jeepers...
Went to Doris' place...glad she got furniture... I wore a suit...and Doris had her "nei nei" shirts ...heh... went to B'lo for the Howard Eisenberg foundation benefit (for gastrointestinal cancer) and met up with Sara, Jen, Stephanie, Wes, Jeff, and... Karl...
Ok... I'm not holding back anymore... readers of my blog know that I use the "polite language" of the people...but I am so fuming mad... that all pretense of being proper is gone out the window now. Avert your eyes, kiddies.
Karl...you are a pussy. Fuck off.
I thought that his side of the story would clarify some things...but in the end he is a weak, selfish, boy of a 30 year old man. When Doris really needed him... and this is in no exaggeration... when it mattered...when it was literally life and death... he failed. And his excuse is the weakest thing I have ever heard: "I need to find myself, I'm unhappy at work, I drink... Doris should go out and have new experiences..."
What is wrong with the picture? There is way too much "I/ME/MYSELF" in his dealings with all of this... if he is so miserable without her... why is he not making the effort to put himself last...and put her first... especially when she needed him most?
He is weak, pathetic, full of excuses and at best...the master of bad timing.
If he really needed to "find himself"... he picked the worst time to do it. Contradictions, deception, passive-aggresiveness, selfish vanity... these are what I have seen of his character... too much talk, not enough rawk.
Karl, I have no respect for you... I'm tired of your bullshit. I do not ever want to hear Doris cry the way she has cried this past year...It hurts me more to realize that not only have you betrayed her...but you betrayed her father.
I hope that you will find peace...that you will find yourself and what you are looking for by "finding new hobbies" and "going with the flow"... "whatever happens will happen" ... but dude, be a man. Grow a spine and stop making excuses... if anything... don't leave her hanging.
Enough. Grow the fuck up.
It's over... stop wasting her time.
.... whew. Sorry for the profanity...but that's how strongly I feel about this... at this particular moment... I need to cool down... sorry, sorry... dui bu chi, che song hamnida, sumimasen, perdoname, bitte.
I am proud of Doris beyond comprehension...she's making steps to better herself, going to school...living in a new apartment, working, making time for her friends, and learning about what it means to be strong.
She has been through a lot this year...and not only has my love grown for her...but my respect.
She deserves much, much better. And I hope she realizes that.
Ok... sorry again...but I felt that it needed to be said...
On a lighter note... Sara, Jen, Stephanie are great... Doris has some good friends...and Wes is pretty hilarious...
Home... somewhat buzzed...watched Coupling until I passed out...the BEST sitcom... everyone must watch it !!!
Tis Friday... Thank you, Lord for being good... forgive us for our potty mouths. Heal us...the weak sinners we are.
blaaaargh.
Thursday, November 20, 2003 10:54 a.m.
Rain ...ugh... some work done...
Ran to Best Buy to get Tori Amos CD/DVD set... Emily said something offhand that was kind of disturbing... like sad... if it's waht I think it is... we all have things in our past...that are best left there. ON a lighter note...I'd be a bear... Em would be a dolphin.
Poor Eunice had a contact pop out of her head on the subway... but she can see now... yay.
FUnny thing Evan said to me... I was saying that no names sound right with "Abraham""... besides "Sarah...so I said I may as well marry a "Shaniqua" or a "Lakisha"... and Evan said "Abe and Lily"...and I was like..."I dunno any Lilys"... oops...forgot about Gary's super-cute cousin! Heh...
Anyways... went home and got some groceries...apparently I'm cooking dinner for Grace this weekend... cool.
Jammed on guitar and vocals... still feeling a little sick...but I'm getting better.
Going to a benefit for Gastrointestinal Cancer tonight with Doris and a bunch of people... kind of interesting that they have open bar at this thing...isn't that kind of wrong ?
It's for her dad...and for my grandpa...it's a good cause.
Other than that... winter/fall doldrums kicking in... I'm in need of something good... anything.
feeling kinda crappy...
Wednesday, November 19, 2003 10:03 a.m.
For oh so many reasons... not feeling my best at the moment. I could blame it all on seasonal affectation disorder (or whatever you call it.) but I know it's more than that.
All these broken hearts drifiting in this miasma. UGH. just stop it. Why are we humans so bound by the constraints of love... needing to love and be loved... it's over-rated.
I cannot say that I will ever be free from my shattered ideals...but I'm tired of not being able to have what I want. In that one area...that "blue chick" still stares at me from my little eleven yellow ones in the rest of the dozen.
My heart is not easily changed...and it's hard to let go of things...but given time ...I do.
We had our meet and greet with the new group that moved into our floor. Seem nice...but they are a bunch of geeks...eh...
Had a good time with Emily going to Virgin to try and find an "Emily the Strange" (the cute goth girl) for her...and then just wandered around for a while.
She needs a friend...and I guess that's what I am going to have to try to be to her. But do I need more friends? Not really. :P I want a little more out of this.
In any case... I picked up my guitar...was tempted into buying more gerar...but resisted.
Went home and Nina was over...helped her with her Yeats paper...man...Yeats was a genius... read "Adam's Curse" and the "Crazy Jane meets the Bishop" poems... some remarkable stuff... The word "RENT"...has more than one meaning there.
Cooked for her and watched COUPLING --BBC version only...I love that show... and then just passed out...
Disillusioned with the world?...oh just shut up, you.
Hoping things get better. Lord, help me. Please.
twilite, kid.
Tuesday, November 18, 2003 09:54 a.m.
Another Monday of looking through Japanese poetry and other assorted stuff.
Not much going on until after work... went to dinner with Emily at Mary Ann's and drinks at Ike's... we had a good conversation...and I'm really starting to realize how stupid and pointless this little crush is... it's kind of ludicrious considering what I went through when I had my little thing for Christine... work and crushes should not be.
We both get along great...we have fun joking around and flirting ...but it really should end there. What we have is a good partnership/friendship...and I would never want to jeopardize it... it's worth too much to me to make her feel uncomfortable. Honestly, some days... I get so fed up here... but Emily keeps me sane. So...whatever happens in the future...I want to maintain that friendship and not let my idiotic crushes get in the way... like Big Pun said... not a playa...I just crush a lot...who knows,really...I never say never...but for now... I best avoid this like the plague.
In any case...we both got a little tipsy...and I smacked her in the butt...hahah... but it was all in good fun...
we got to Bowery Ballroom pretty early and had drinks and watched the opening act... I gave her a neck rub while we waited and gave her a peck on the forehead... she didn't seem to mind...but that's as friendly as we are gonna get. oh well.
Twilight Singers stormed in and ripped up the place... some hot shiznat...let me tell you... Greg Dulli is my hero...they played lots of good stuff. Even did a few Whigs interpretations of "If I Were Going" and "Crime Scene"...wooo
But had to leave early to get Em back on her bus off to the Bronx..... ended up getting home after 1... oh well..Missed all the encores...and the Whigs and covers...but what can you do?
In any case...things are clearer... We are a great team...
Ahh she's a sweetie... I came in and had a cup of coffee waiting for me. She's great.
But I need a woman that I have no professional ties too...that I don't see everyday... that would be great... anyone out there looking for a guy who wears his heart on his sleeves?
sleepy weekend...kinda sick too.
Monday, November 17, 2003 09:32 a.m.
Friday was kind of uneventful...except the fact that Mark is leaving us. He's the older-gay-Queen that I joke around with at work all the time... sad to see him go... but it will be good for him to get out of this hole!
Stayed home the entire weekend. Didn't step foot out the door except to see the grandparents... was nursing this cold/flu/whatever I have right now.
But got to recording music again! WOOOHOOO! Good for me. I'm pretty much done with the new version of "Don't Want to Be Friends" and started recording the "This Love Goes Unrequited" full funk version. It's sounding really good at this point...so I'm happy about that.
Just realized that Dec. 4th gig is coming up already...sheesh...must practice... I never realize that these things are so quick...where have my days gone?
New people moving in on this floor today... yipes. It's going to be a big change. We'll see how all of this goes.
Twilight Singers tonight...still not sure who is going with me...arrrgh. Hopefully I will be well enough to enjoy it... ugh.
It's Monday. :(
Matrix Revolutions... um... urrrgh.
Friday, November 14, 2003 09:58 a.m.
So...work has been going pretty smoothly lately... been spending a lot of time with Japanese poetry lately. Senryu, tanka, haiku...jeepers... now time for Chinese poetry! wooot !
Speaking of which... I got published again...officially. The Asian Pacific American Journal published by the Asian American Writer's Workshop just put their double issue on the racks. It's "Food" and "Childhood" themes... and my poems "Why I Cannot Eat Fruit Carelessly" and "For Justin--Written in the Month of April,Your Ninth Year" appear in it! Go check it out !!!
Anyways...had lunch with Myles...the dude is loaded...I never thought that would be a burden...but he's worried that this new girl he is seeing is "digging the gold"...so to speak...in any case... apparently...people at work have been talking about me and a certain someone else. He said that "you guys leave together, are seen together, are both single...so why aren't you dating ?" YEAH ?!?!? WHY NOT !??!?! ...hahahah...I dunno...I don't even care anymore...this is stressing me out. I can't deal with this...
Went to Azaleas to help the Cindys with store stuff...folding stuff and counting inventory...it was fun... and before you get any ideas...they were tank tops ! Not dainty underthings! I am a helpful boy!
Grabbed a slive with Cindy and headed to Union Sq. to meet up with Belle and Cathy to see Matrix...
SPOILERS AHEAD!!!
Ok...so let's just say... fight scenes were great...but the Trinity death scene...prolonged...and ugh... too much talking...she said the same thing twice... poor girl...and the whole Neo as Christ-figure...ugh... stop it.
Anyways... ended up braving the whipping winds and getting home after 1...
EM's sick today...awwww... and I have no will to do any work... I should have stayed home and watched DVDs...eh...
TGIF, kiddies.
sigh... despondent.
Thursday, November 13, 2003 09:45 a.m.
Yeah... losing it... just not feeling very great these days...nothing really sparking my fire.
Had our ATE celebration lunch at the Abbey Tavern... and it was weirdo work lunch as usual... people at work... sigh.
Went to gym for a quick workout... roar. Picked up a DVD for Doris... had a chat about why I am an idiot.
People like reminding me that I am stupid. Apparently this has become de rigeur.
In any case... Sam Ash did not have my guitar ready... so I made a sweaty trip out there for no reason.
Watched CUBE2: Hypercube...some awful acting... not as tense and suspenseful as the first one.
Ok...my uncle offered me his '86 Oldsmobile... I'm not sure if it is worth it... what do you think?
A bit of good news... the APAJournal with my poems in it are done and available soon. I'm going to pick up my copies sometime this week.
*le sigh.
Halloween pics!
Wednesday, November 12, 2003 11:56 a.m.
Not sure if the link works...but give it a shot.
Pics of Sara, Doris, Cindy, VIctor, Jen, gloria, and others I don't know... um...Superdude? Rockin' it at Cindy's pad.
CLICK HERE for Halloween pics
cooking !
Wednesday, November 12, 2003 10:02 a.m.
Man... seems like things do get hectic for the little reasons...
Lunch... went with Emily to Cosi where I helped her revise some of her poems...she really does have some good stuff in the works. I see potential...focus and more details and she could have some great stuff.
Amy called and needed more help with her grad school admissions essay. And Sara needs help with recs...and I helped Sunjoo all last week... so when did the word get out that I was available to be editor? Oh wait...that's my job...
Went home and my whole family was over... ended up cooking a whole bunch of stuff... wasn't enough leftovers so me and Mom ended up cooking a full blown meal... man, I should open a restaurant...I'm getting good at feeding people.
T3...awesome... watch it... It was my favorite action movie of the summer... don't expect what you think and you will be pleasantly surprised.
Ok...that's my blog duties for the morning...off to the library with me !
"my shoes hurt" means "I love you !"...
Tuesday, November 11, 2003 09:35 a.m.
Anyways...don't mind the obscure Mr. Show reference...but my knees and my feet do ache from hitting the new gym I signed up for...NYSC was waaaay too expensive...so now I'm running at Synergy on 23rd and 6th... it's not bad... new, clean...but not as many perks as NYSC...but a heck of a lot cheaper.
Got home and ate some leftovers... watched The Gauntlet...I have such a weird crush on Sarah!...But let me tell you...Elka...man...I don't like her no more...and I kinda miss Matt on the show... he might have been a little heavy handed...but in the end ...he was still praising the Lord...can't knock him for that (to paraphrase Theo)...man... I sound like such a dork talking about this show.
Watched Adaptation...it was a head trip...the third act was a little far fetched (as if the whole movie wasn't)...but there was one line about how "you become waht you love"...despite the fact that the person doesn't love you back...loving them makes you who you are...and no one can change that...unrequited love... silly thing, isn't it.
Andd waht's with drunk pics? I got drunk pics form Sarah, Lucia (with short hair), and Grace Kim sent me a nekkid baby pic of a kid (she says it's her...but I doubt it) that looks drunk... ODD!
Other than that... work is starting to build up steam again... and the Twilight Singers new album is AMAZING...and..and...I need some lovin'...and soon.
Eh...it's Tuesday.
Oh so lucky!
Monday, November 10, 2003 12:46 p.m.
Just had to add lucky stuff that happened at lunch.
I went to Sam Goody near NYU to get the new Twilight Singers album that Amazon couldn't ship to me for some reason...and the store was closing...so it was 20 % off...wooot.
AND..i went to check out FYE...and some kid was selling Adaptation (which I have been aching to see for months) ...and the store couldn't buy it from him...so I got it off him for $5 bucks ! woooo!
Ok... I'm excited... it's the little things, ok ?
OMG...so cute.
Monday, November 10, 2003 10:36 a.m.
Had to blog about this... I went to put a band-aid on my paper cut and I come back and find a card from Emily. This is what she wrote:
"Thank you for always being true to who you are and for teaching me to be the same."
And she gave me three of her poems...we were talking about me workshopping some of her writing... awww too cute. Hope her writing is good.
I am blushing.
whoooboy... odd stuff
Monday, November 10, 2003 09:42 a.m.
What a weekend... ok...Friday... after work. Took EMily to Artisanal for dinner...had tea at Cosi/Xando first and just chatted a little bit. She remarked that even though we spent the whole day together (we went to lunch at St. Mark's looking for CDs and such) that we still had stuff to talk about...
Anyways... dinner was nice...we had fondue, veggie risotto, salad...and a nice chat...she said that she could never do the couples thing at work... and she thinks I'm the most generous person she's ever met... and we still joke around and flirt with each other and stuff... but I think she knows I like her.
We ended up in Ktown where she bought dessert and coffee and we headed uptown after that where she said hi to her friends.
I was home soon...and she called to say thanks for dinner and such...it was sweet.
Do I wanna jump her bones? Yeah. Do I think it will ever happen... unlikely. The work thing really does get in the way...and I want to keep her as a friend, more than anything. If she ever wants to take a risk...or decides to come around... wow. But I'm not counting on anything of the sort.
I think she's sweet, sassy as hell, bright, and she's got so much that she is holding back... but I love her as a friend already. She's my partner in crime...I couldn't survive working here without her.
ok...enough about that...
Though I did write a song about her :
My friends all say I'm crazy
Better keep it all inside
Hidden under cover
Wrapped up in the lie
Doesn't matter if she's brilliant
Doesn't matter if she's sweet
Doesn't matter if she's everything you imagined in your dreams
So this love goes unrequited
And I'll shoulder all the blame
Is it better to deny it?
When I feel it just the same?
And if you say that it won't work
I'll swallow all the hurt
But it doesn't mean my heart is gonna change
My friends all think I'm tied up
In a web of your design
Innocent flirtation
With a deadly knowing smile
Doesn't matter if you're playing
Doesn't matter if you care
Doesn't matter if it's nothing cause we both know that it's there
So this love goes unrequited
And you treat it like a game
Is it better to deny it?
When you really love me in vain ?
So I'll say that this won't work
Too scared of being hurt
But it doesn't mean my heart is gonna change
A change would do you good
A change would do you good
A change would do you good
WHOOOO... it's actually got some funky chords to it... more jammy-type fast paced DMB kind of song... I really like it.
Anyways... Saturday was spent buying groceries and cooking and watching TV ... dropped off my guitar at Sam Ash to get re-set.
I did wake up with an waful dream... Me, Emily, Erik (from work), my Mom, Justin, and my baby cousins were at some hotel resort... Me, Em and Erik were supposed to have a meeting in the lounge...but then my mother needed me to get a backpack for her...so I went through all these trials and tribulations to get it...and finally I come back... and see...Em and Erik making out ! I jumped down from the upper level to the loung and through a handful of those flat marbles they use in aquariums or for plants...in Erik's face and said "F YOU!" really menacingly and slapped him!
It gets worse... I pinch Em's cheek and go "F You too!" ...and then she turns and says to Erik "Well, I'm over that. Let's get back to kissing!" ... and they do. And I wake up screaming.
HAHHAHAHAH! Whoooo... what a dream.
Sunday...cooking alll day long... man.
Menu:
Apps: crusty bread with herbed olive oil and brie. cucumber, tomato, smoked mozzarella "stacked salad."
Main: Pae-abe-lla (Spanish rice, peas, corn, jumbo rock shrimp. andouille sausage. Fajitas with fixings...chicken, steak, mixed veggies (the squash was the best)
Dessert: Double layer cake with Nutella, peanut butter, cream frosting and candied bananas and whipped cream and raspberries...and ice cream. WHEW.
Took me all day to get ready ...but it was worth it.
Eunice came over first and we goofed around and watched Nemo...
Doris and Sara came over and we started eating and eating...
Then Cindy Lee, Cindy Kahng, and Cathy came over and we swallowed everything whole...it was insane.
The girls suggested that once a month would be fine...I suggested I get a little "somehting something" out of it... we all agreed not to. Heh. HHHAHAHA...someone else can cook next time ! I'm tired!
Gals all left... awww... kinda lonely after...but Vicky Lambino called and we talked a little bit...and Imed by the Laura...sheesh... she likes to chat... leave me alone ! :P
Ok...enough is enough. I'm tired. I gots work.
whoah... margaritas... ugh.
Friday, November 7, 2003 11:02 a.m.
Well.. yesterday was a day...I can't really remember much...um... ok...let's try.
Had lunch with Crystal and Emily... which was fun... Crystal is enjoying her new job and new digs...which is right around the corner from us anyways... she still says her catchphrase "Wow...that's wild." ...I counted 4 times. It was cute.
I got assigned to my next big project. World Lit. MAJOR revision...it will be very, very interesting... I'm glad to get on this new project.
After work...we had our office party to celebrate the completion of our 05 line of books. Went to El Rey Del Sol...where pretty much all the young uns' got summarily TRASHED. I had 4 margaritas, 3 shots of tequila, and went next door afterwards for me... interesting.
Highlights... Zakhar bit me ! Jeeez... Emily was gaaah... I'm sure I was hitting on her all night...can't remember much though... Jennifer was quite drunk... but a lot of fun. Gerald was hazing everyone... ELizabeth was showing us her ass and her fake tatts still left over from Halloween... Netcher almost got into a fight...and Gerald split... and all in all it was a really fun time.
Walked Kerry and Emily uptown... awww..Em took my arm on the street... waited for Em to get on the bus and off home...She said I called her to make sure she got back...but I'm not quite sure how I got home... was pretty toasted last night... man... no more of that!
So I am parched... probably stilll kinda stinky....and still googly eyed over how cute Emily is. Taking her to Artisanal tonight to celebrate her 6 month tenure here thus far...well, that's my excuse anyways... heh. Not exactly sure how we ended up deciding to get dinner... oh well. Yes, my idiotic crush continues. Moron.
In any case...'tis friday. TGIF. people. Stay sober !
MONEY !!!
Thursday, November 6, 2003 01:21 p.m.
If you haven't seen this yet... YOU MUST.
Chubby Korean girl singing karaoke...wait until the end for her to smell her armpit!
CLICK HERE for "MONEY!" karaoke bonanaza!
WHo is driving ? BEAR IS DRIVING...oh no.
wooo ... new assignment at work.
Thursday, November 6, 2003 10:09 a.m.
Well..the big news today is that I got my next project assignment working on the MAJOR revision to our World Lit book. I'm happy that I get to broaden my horizons and work with some chinky lit for once. Yay!
Not much going on yesterday... got some food for Sunday...and that's about it. Very uneventful...
Oh wait... booked my next show at the green room for December 11th... gives me some time off to do other things. I need to go to the gym and record mostly.
Rain rain... went to Pathmark to get more food...and went home to eat with the family.
The funniest thing..talking about the old "Who's on First" routine that Abbott and Costello used to do...and how kids nowadays had no idea...so I did a little paraphrased version of it...and Justin was like WHAT THE HECK ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT ...and me and my folks were just cracking up. It was really cute.
Other than that... same old shpiel... Em smells good today... perfume. Dangnabbit.
my head is full of ideas...
Wednesday, November 5, 2003 09:45 a.m.
Yesterday was just weird...coming in late... Emily almost hugging me at work...too much for me to bear!
Decided to throw a little dinner party for the women in my life...hahah... remember how I said I was never going to cook for another a girl ...well...I guess I'm cooking for a bunch.
Went home and bought a bunch of groceries...still planning out the menu...it's definitely going to be 3-5 course meal if anything...it's going to be a lot of work...but it's worth it...
Just seems like everyone is feeling down for some reason or another...I just thought this would help a little.And it's nice to have some company in my big ol' apartment.
In any case...it will be fun... lots of stuff to do and buy.
Watched "FInding Nemo" last night...it was sooo good. The equation for cuteness... big eyes and chubby cheeks. NEMO !!! I wanna hug you ! *squish... mmm sashimi.
And Tenacious D rules... hilarious stuff.
Oh...and apparently Sam still wants to hang out...but doesn't my injured pride count for anything? She met some dude she likes and is seriously dating him...and she still wants to be friends with me? GAAAH...that stings, don't it? And not to mention Laura...who is calling me and asking me to hang out and to "please make time for her." WTF ? You've got other men in your life...why do you need me ?
And this silly crush I have on Em... gaaaah that's another thing I need to deal with. It's torture!
So this is Wednesday already ?
my head is full of ideas...
Wednesday, November 5, 2003 09:45 a.m.
Yesterday was just weird...coming in late... Emily almost hugging me at work...too much for me to bear!
Decided to throw a little dinner party for the women in my life...hahah... remember how I said I was never going to cook for another a girl ...well...I guess I'm cooking for a bunch.
Went home and bought a bunch of groceries...still planning out the menu...it's definitely going to be 3-5 course meal if anything...it's going to be a lot of work...but it's worth it...
Just seems like everyone is feeling down for some reason or another...I just thought this would help a little.And it's nice to have some company in my big ol' apartment.
In any case...it will be fun... lots of stuff to do and buy.
Watched "FInding Nemo" last night...it was sooo good. The equation for cuteness... big eyes and chubby cheeks. NEMO !!! I wanna hug you ! *squish... mmm sashimi.
And Tenacious D rules... hilarious stuff.
So this is Wednesday already ?
whoah...what happened there...
Tuesday, November 4, 2003 12:02 a.m.
Weird day....work is still kind of non-existent at the moment... we've got some meetings and such...but other than that... not much else.
Everyone around seems kinda down... make me feel like crap too.
Christine came by and we had lunch at Houston's... she's still interviewing and such and it looks like she is going to be a real estate agent or some odd thing like that...anyhooo..she's doing well.. pray for her bro in Iraq!
Sunjoo... why I bother to help her with her paper...who knows! HAHAH...I guess I'm just a nice guy... and bored.
Home...laundry...doing other stuff... clean up... and then Reva sends me hot pictures of herself! HAHHA she does not need validation...she's smokin!
And Laura decides to call me... sheeesh... she really has very odd taste in people she surrounds herself with... they all seem CRAZZZY...
I got all crampy...my entire body is just sore...I couldn't sleep and got up at 4 to watch anime...and then I didn;t get in to work until noon!
Well I stopped by Best Buy to pick up somethings... heh...got Em a Sheryl Crow cd and she was gonna hug me at work...ack...nooooo!
Anyhooo...it's been an odd day... long meeting with CFO today...could be bad news... yipes...
Halloween nuttiness and more...
Monday, November 3, 2003 10:13 a.m.
Whoo boy... Friday was CRAZY... all day office party and lots of insanity... candy and junk all day... Emily makes an ugly man...but a HOT cowgirl...
My costume was cute...but only if you've seen the movie would you get the full effect...
Anyhoo...went to pick up CIndy from work and got a lot of comments on my costume on the way there... it was a little odd...but so am I ...heh... Helped Cindy set up stuff for the party...and she was soooo cute in her Supergirl costume.
Bunch of guys came over first so it was a sausagefest until people started showing up later... lots of pimps and ho's...including Doris...she had a great costume...and Sara..flight attendant...HOT stuff... Eunice came in her angel costume and just looked so sexy...my goodness...that girl ! Alex was apparently creeping people out...ahem...following a certain person... in any case...the party was a drunken fest.
Stroke of midnight I took the light angel with me to get some hot dogs...MEAT... my month of veghematarianimsims... is OVER !!!
Came back and the crowd thinned a bit... and this dude Simon...dressed as a boxer...and is a doc... justy started debating with Cindy... and Eunice...and me about docs...etc... urrgh... it was hilarious... angel, boxer, supergirl...arguing about how much doctors should get paid.
WIll threw up all over Cindy's bathroom...not pleasant...and he slapped me...ack... pretty hard tyoo..but he was drunk...and normally a nice guy...
Anyways...Cindy was SOOOO cute...she was stuffing Starbursts in her mouth...like 10 and had this puzzled expression on her face... cutest thing I've seen in ages...looked like a little kid...
Went home with Eunice on the train...tired.. a little drunk... but things were good...she makes me feel ok...
Saturday ...got up and off to Princeton with the family for Alex and Hong's bday... all the kids piled in the mini-van and grandparents, folks, and Tsai...
We just got there and more kids came in the door...there were at least 10 Rugrats climbing on me... it was fun... though Alex has taken a liking to spanking people and trying to punch me in the nads...very violent.
More meat...but it made me ill...I can't eat meat regularly yet...
Sunday... picnic with the family down by Kittaninny Point by the Delaware Water Gap...gorgeous and creepy...very Blair Witch-y...
The water and foliage were amazing...and the weather was pretty nice before it started raining...
All in all a good time with the kids...i love them... so cute.. need to get in as much time with them before they grow up and aren't cuddly anymore.
Home... anime...sleeeep.... and it's Monday already! BLAAARGH.
halloween pics
Friday, October 31, 2003 3:24 p.m.
Wanna see me in costume ? At our company office party...
CLICK HERE TO SEE ME IN COSTUME
great show...but drama (and trauma)after
Friday, October 31, 2003 10:05 a.m.
Ok... after a day of work and Emily cuteness and lunchtime Halloween madness with Eunice...it was time for the show at the green room.
Only a few of my friends came... Emily and her friends Bryann and Mel, Christina and Linda Lin!, my god-sis Cindy!, Eunice and Doris...but there were a good 30-40 bar patrons and the owners...Bonnie and Bettina love me. The covers went really well and I made 70 bucks ...20 bucks in tips! It was an excellent show...lots of bar patrons dancing around and having a good time.
Went to get food with Doris and Eunice after and went to Ricky's at like 10 ! Costumes and such...cute.
But when I got home... strangest thing...Esther IMs me out of the blue and we end up talking for over an hour. I told her how much I cared about her and wish that things happened differently...how I've been dealing with it. And how I'm better now that I was ever before... and we both apologized for out mistakes...and I hope we are getting to be better people now.
But in no way, shape, or form are we friends ...and may never be...she's selfish, self-absorbed, and has way too much to deal with...she has "masculine tendencies" and her emotional state is like a cold wall... and that is something I really don't need... I hope she's changed.
And maybe one day our paths will cross again... I know that I am a much better and mature person...and I've gained a WORLD of experience in the past year and a half...would we be better if we had met each other now? Perhaps. But I don't want to entertain the notion of "what ifs"...
I'm good on my own for now...heck, I'm great...someone out there is better for me...someone who has a heart, a head, and hopefully a nice body too. heh.
Is it closure? Not sure... but it feels like it.
Funny thing is...someone left a book on my desk "Hester in Ruins" ...funny that.
I'm Abe. I'm doing great things. I love change.
TGIF... and Happy Halloween... you can be someone else today...but it's better being yourself.
hmmm...mayhaps I should change my name too.
Thursday, October 30, 2003 01:57 p.m.
but never to something like THIS
That's just too funny!
*sigh... gig time again
Thursday, October 30, 2003 09:52 a.m.
Yesterday was interesting... lots of little surprises... Em is such a little tease...I helped her with something and she said "I love you" ...hmmmph. words mean a lot... be careful wimmins!
We went shoppping for her cowgirl boots but to no avail and had lunch at the Manhattan Mall food court...it was fun... She gave me her foryune cookie and it said "Don't be afraid to take that big step." So I said... ok..."let's go to Paris and elope"...and she was like "what about Bali." ...CUTE!
Funny thing is... the newspaper horoscope said "Make big plans." ...weird, huh ???
Much like Christine...Em has rules too. 1. She doesn't like big surprises (control freak) 2. She doesn't like lateness 3. She doesn't eat meat. ...to be continued...
Met up with Mark and finally got my glasses back ! I kinda look cute without them too. Eh... chatted...we definitely should work together again...
ANOTHER SURPISE... Reva finally calls me... her voice was not what I expected...actually sounded like someone from my past...which kinda scared me until I realized it was my hot blonde violinist Mormon friend...
She's wacky and talks really fast...she's got a good brain on her...and she likes beef logs...whatever those are. Cool thing about her is...she's not as conservative as I thought she would be... I'm pretty liberal...and heck..so is she. I love me some Reva! Now to get her to Ny so we can start this music thing...hmmm
Anyhoo... went home and ripped out some songs...I was strainging my voice because I was practicing so much...ugh... tiring... but in any case... for the most part...I am ready for tonight.
Some of the covers are a little shaky...but hopefully people won't pick those ones... and the U2 and the chick songs are all pretty darn good.
Now.. .the logistics of tonight... we'll see how everything works ... huzzah.
Come see me tonight if you are in town!
Joe Schmo!
Wednesday, October 29, 2003 10:16 a.m.
Weird moment... went to get coffee with Em just now and the person behind us was like "Are you guys together?" ...Em was like "we are the weirdest couple." ...awww... WE ARE..little blonde girl...giant Asian boy.
Went to RICKY's yesterday with Em and we got costume stuff...i got black wings and black halo...she got a cowgirl hat (wooo) and a wig so she can dress up like one of our co-workers. Should be an interesting Halloween here.
Anyhoo... Joe Schmo show last night had me BAWLING.. he seems like the nicest guy...but then again...remember... CAMERAS...of course you try to be on your best behavior, right ? Eh... not necessarily... and he said Dr. Pat? Man...I would be all over MOLLY... hot !
Rehearsed some... dizzy without my glasses...
Tried to help Sunjoo with her paper...and YES...we are and WERE friends. Just different when she opens up a little more. I missed talking to her actually...so it was nice to hear her voice again...especially the weird jungle noises she makes... whatever that is about... HAHAHAH.
Tired... bored...gig tomorrow... whose coming? What songs you gonna request ?
MY HALLOWEEN COSTUME
Tuesday, October 28, 2003 03:48 p.m.
Ok...it might be a little obscure...but I am going as the ghost of Mr. Blonde from RESERVOIR DOGS.
You know how Mr. Blonde gets shot? Well... I'm coming in with a bloddy shirt, a gun, a fake ear, a knife, a gun... and the reservoir dog look...
AND... I recorded "Stuck in the Middle With You" on a mini-cassette player...so I can play it and dance around and slice off ears.
AND I got black wings and a black halo...
Cute, no ?
I'll have to put up pics when I get it done.
hmmmph.
Tuesday, October 28, 2003 09:16 a.m.
Ok.. .the light above Emily's cube is blinking... I'm going to have a seizure if that keeps up... ugh.
Yesterday was pretty laid back...which is good cause I can't see all too well with my contacts on...but I am getting sooo good at putting them in now...takes me about 3 minutes...and voila! I remember when i first got them... could take me almost an hour to pop those suckers in...
Anyhooo... gloomy rain... had Indian with Eunice... we are both down in the dumps ...and so is Doris now.. she just IMed me... why are we such sad people ?
And poor Emily... her sister got a blakc eye from pool cue to the noggin' and her old Nanny might have to get her leg amputated (is that a diabetes thing?) ...
I know I'm just going through some "ennui" phase...even though all these things are going well... I feel like I really do need the "love of a good woman" to make me complete.
I know my friends, family, and God love me... but we are not meant to be alone...
Anyways... went home and practiced and watched real World/ Road Rules. ...
OK.. MATT... shut your trap... stop with the pushy preachiness and be a human being... goodness. Life Teen etc...I get it.
Poor Coral and Mike... dumb dumb Mike.
Sunjoo... we are getting to be friends... she actually opens up more nowadays... I guess I will buy her sushi in the winter...
And Reva has just been kooky lately... she uses emu oil to rub on her arm when it hurts ? POOR EMUS !!!!!
Not much else to do around these parts... sigh.
COVER SONGS LIST!
Monday, October 27, 2003 11:08 a.m.
For the gig on Thursday...second set will be audience's choice:
ABE THE HUMAN JUKEBOX!
Pick your favorite cover song:
Bon Jovi--Wanted Dead or Alive
Dashboard Confessional--Again I Go Unnoticed
Dashboard Confessional--Hands Down
Depeche Mode--But Not Tonight
Depeche Mode--Somebody
Dido--Here With Me
Elvis--Can’t Help Falling in Love
Eurythmics--Here Comes the Rain Again
Foo Fighters--Everlong
Foo Fighters--Learn to Fly
Guns N Roses--Sweet Child O’ Mine
Jimmy Eat World--If You Don't Don't
Jimmy Eat World--No Sensitivity
Jimmy Eat World--The Middle
Journey--Don't Stop Believin'
Justin Timberlake--Cry Me a River
Morrissey--Speedway
Natalie Imbruglia--Torn
New Order--Bizarre Love Triangle
New Order--Regret
Nine Inch Nails--Hurt
Oasis--Wonderwall
Pearl Jam--Black
Poison--Every Rose Has It's Thorn
POP/RAP Medley (Backstreet Boys/50 Cent/Britney/Nelly)
Radiohead--High and Dry
Robbie Williams--Angels
Sarah McLachlan--Sweet Surrender
Sebadoh--Together or Alone
Sheryl Crow--Anything But Down
The Outfield--Your Love (Josie)
The Smiths--Bigmouth Strikes Again
The Smiths--There Is A Light
Tonic--If You Could Only See
U2--All I Want Is You
U2--One
U2--Running to Stand Still
U2--Who's Gonna Ride Your Wild Horses
U2--With or Without You
SPL Speakers shoot.
Monday, October 27, 2003 10:32 a.m.
Well, Saturday was pretty interesting... woke up earlier than I have ever done for work to get my arse out to Jersey to shoot the SPL (not JBL) Speakers promo.
Mark picked up some of the actors to drive to New Brunswick where we would be shooting. Eric (grandpa) was this old FIlipino dude who would eb my grandpa, Maria (hot babe) was this tall Greek, busty semi-pro actress ...and when we got to Mark's place we met the rest of the crew and cast.
Dave (was the other punk) and a friend of Mark's, Sumita (cute Indian girl..hheh) was assisting, Fabian (indie film guy/ Japana-file) was asst. dir. , Dave (doctor friend of Jen's) was doing sound, and then we had the car guy and his girlfriend..
Anyways...we spent 10-3 shooting the whole darn thing... it was a lot of fun and I got ALL the speaking parts basically... QUICK RUNDOWN: I'm a punk. I show grandpa my new car. We see a hot girl. Grandpa has a heart attack. We put him on top of SPL speakers...and we revive him with some thumping bassy techno music. We drive off into the sunset and zoom by the hot girl. END SCENE.
A lot of over the top hamminess but it was tres fun...and a good experience.
Mark is going to be editing this soon... and we'll get to see the finished product...whether or not he does anything with this...is yet to be seen. Met a lot of cool people...and hopefully will see them and work with them again.
Dumb thing...I left my glasses at his house...so I am stuck wearing contacts until I see him on Monday.
Anyways...not sure if you can see this but here are o-fotos Click here for pics of the shoot
AND...funny thing is... that indie film that I auditioned for...called me while I was shooting the commercial and cast me as a "ballroom dancer" but I had to turn it down...because it was three days off work...and it was a non-speaking role...oh well..
So I'm thinking I should call that agent and maybe start tooling around the acting thing. We'll see.
I'm dizzy as all get out...I need my glasses back!
Also...APA jOurnal will be DOUBLE issue...so I think I may have two poems in that one... I'll let you knwo details when it is off the presses!~ You can get them at Barnes and Noble !
I'm addicted to the Joe Schmo show on SPIKE TV...go watch the finale this Tuesday...poor guy...he's a nice dude too... oh well..
Dad is back from Taiwan and he brought me a bunch of DO AS INFINITY cd's ...woooo! Thanks pa !
Busy, busy weeek... things going well... if only I could meet a nice girl this week...then I'd really be on a roll!
Gig on thursday... Halloween Friday... wooo.
ALL YOUR BASE ARE BELONG TO US.
Friday, October 24, 2003 1:53 p.m.
This has been a slow day, can you tell?
um...maybe they are doing something wrong...
Friday, October 24, 2003 10:52 a.m.
Jim Caviezel plays Christ in Mel Gibson's movie "The Passion"...and he was struck by lightning! um...maybe something isn't going right...
CLICK HERE FOR THE STORY
more blaaaargh-ness
Friday, October 24, 2003 09:38 a.m.
My tech demo went well...work was work... not much else to do besides.
Lunch with Em and ran some errands... seems like a lot of people are meeting "potentials"... Sam is gone, Reva met some guy and Em's dude... it's all going around...'cept for me... poor sucker Abe!
Went home and rehearsed and watched some anime... that was pretty much it.. I've got almost 40 songs ready to cover for gig next week...so that's good.
JBL shoot tomorrow...still need to figure out how I'm going to get there...
And Azumanga Daioh was hilarious...the manga was great... This one character...she's this quite, busty, athletic girl...that all the others think is so tough..but she loves cute things and animals...and always tries to pet cats that bite her....it's funny...you had to be there.
Sigh... general feeling of...crappiness...but at least it's TGIF time...
Not sure how I should feel.
Thursday, October 23, 2003 10:18 a.m.
Yesterday was a very odd day... work was kind of all over the place since I was running through the tech demo that we are doing today...and the movers wwere in...and some dude snuck in and almost swiped stuff from someone... odd stuff.
But the other thing... Sam is apparently seeing someone else...and it's serious... so basically...I guess what we never had...what we might have had is over. I did like her...but didn't know her all that well. And well..3 or 4 dates isn't much...but I think if anything it is my injured pride..the feeling that she chose someone over me...I guess that's what it is. But really... maybe it's (to quote my own lyrics) her "selfish vanity" that she wanted to keep me around... who knows. Can we be friends? I'm sure later on we can...but at the moment... I have enought friends and I have a frenzy of things going on that isn't making my life any easier. So what happens now? Abe continues living his life and doing the things that make Abe happy.
Other thing that was upsetting... cleaning out my desk...I found a package I was going to send Sue. I decided to just go and return the stuff I had bought...so I did... but just thinking about her and all that's happened between us... just made me angry and sad at the same time...but after that... just numb.
I think that's how I feel a lot nowadays...complacent and numb from all of this. I want to rummage through my apartment and throw out everything that reminds me of all these psychotic girls with serious mental and emotional issues.... and just let it all burn and be refined. I want to be healed in the ashes of my past...I want to get up and just be alright.
In any case.... I've come to realize that a lot of my impulse buying has to do with my emotional state... when I'm upset...off I go to buy DVDs or comics or something...just to numb it...transport me elsewhere...and it does help for a little while...the escapism.
And blogging helps... playing music helps... writing helps... it's all therapy really.
It's been a long and arduous year. I'm tired of the jaded days and the feeling like something is always wrong. Lord, help me through this...
I am human and I need to be loved... and yet... sometimes I feel like I don't need anyone.
To paraphrase Whitman (who I still don't like very much):
Do I contradict myself? Then very well, I contradict myself. I contain multitudes.
blarrrgh! missing a week !
Wednesday, October 22, 2003 09:34 a.m.
Well, it looks like pitas is back and running...but I think that week of entries is gone for good...oh well... some minor things that week... but the two concerts were the main things I think... and Reva's bday.
Other than that... I think that was it...
Yesterday... spent the day moving my cube and getting acclimated to my new digs...which is Christine's old cube...and right next to Emily... that girl is great... she said she met some guy in Jersey over the weekend...and seriosly...how could anyone resist her? My crush on her isn't necessary waning..but I realize it's best not to get involved... work and fun do NOT mix... bad idea, compadre. And I think she's taken a sick day today...poor gal.
Must curb my DVD spending... was being good for awhile...but I got Indy boxset and Charlie's Angels yesterday...both were excellent... but no more! Must control the beast!
Nina was over doing homework and I made her a vegaaaahmaahtarian dinner. We shall both poop excessively. Too much fiber!
Other than that...just chilling. Commercial shoot this weekend and gig next week... and Halloween...lots to plan for.
pitas is alive...but still not normal...
Tuesday, October 21, 2003 09:28 a.m.
I think I am resigned to the fact that I have lost a week of blog entries... scary thing is...not sure what happened that week either...it's all a blur! We should find no confidence in these new-fangled glowing things. This is why I feel I should keep a pen and paper journal.
Doogie Howser, I am not.
Back at work... going to be moving things to my new cube... ne... Christine's old cube...cube next to Emily.
Now that I can drive legally...I do not feel much different...and yes..I am still vegetarian...I'm going to make it to the end of the month! GAAAAH.
Real World vs. Road Rules...I'm pulling for the Real World... and next week's looks good.. Coral crying because Mike wanted to send her to the Gauntlet.. "That's my boy, that's my homie... *sob!" OH man...I need to find soemthing to do.
DRIVING !!!
Monday, October 20, 2003 03:34 p.m.
Yes... it all changes now.. Abe is on the road...LEGALLY! After a decade of driving.. I'm finally legit! The supervisor gave me the test...and he was very nice and calm and not condescending in any way... so I wasn't nervous...and it was a perfect day...so WHEW. Abe's got a license...now I can drive my imaginary car around! VROOM VROOM!
Got a haircut and wandered around Chinatown after...not sure if I like this new do... you'll have to see it... I'm in the weird inbetween stage.
Anyways... weekend... was in Princeton. Went over Saturday and just hung out at my aunt's house. Justin is just a weird kid. But he's still cute. Didn't do much besides drive a little...played some guitar and watched TV...oh yeah... ate like pigs... but I'm still a veggie!
I actually think that it might end tonight... in celebration...I think I may end up eating meat again.
In any case.. I am going to film the JBL thing this weekend...other than that... practice for gig next week! Going to send out evite tomorrow... woot !
PITAS is messed up... I'm missing a whole week of entries...what gives??
Shania concert with my Mom, Interpol with Doris, moving my desk next to Em's... stuff like that... all gone ???
Anyways..WHEW... such a weight off my shoulders... now... what to conquer next? ... perhaps...the world ?!?!?
