WORK...ARRRRGH!
Friday, July 18, 2003 09:38 a.m.
So...I was at work from 9-8...yes 8 ! Have to get marketing charts done before I leave for Austin on Monday. SIgh...tiring.
Vicky bought me salad for lunch. Bad idea...I was starving all day.
Went to Old Navy and bought clothes for trip...just junky stuff...but I guess my size is really popular...so hard to find a 36 inch wasit... jeeeez...Is that normal guys size? I'm not that skinny....
Then went to Chat N' Chew and pigged out with Eunice... it was funny since we are usually all full of energy and chatty...but we were both tired... and just ate...didn't say much...but it was comfortable silence...know what I mean?
Home... la-deee-da... Good thing I turned on radio... A Perfect Circle and Radiohead tix go on sale this weekend! Must try to buy!
Lucia spent the night in Jersey...hmmmm. Details.
Bad news: Doris' mom broke her wrist ! Pray for her! Poor Cheng Aieee ! ...AIEEEE, indeed.
MAD SHOUT OUT to REVA! Welcome home! Back from OZ...finally...but off to Chile etc...soon.
What am I doing tonight? I have no idea.
TGIF.
fun...and bad stuff.
Thursday, July 17, 2003 08:19 a.m.
Work was hectic...so much to do before I take off for Austin next week. Must stay late!
Putzed around all day... cute thing I saw... this kid and his mom... he was wearing a striped shirt...but it seriously looked like someone spilled awhole jug of fruit punch all over him. Poor kid.
Tutoring is fun...I'm seeing the kid make leaps and bounds already. I miss teaching. I need to get my arse back into a college and be Professor Chang again...has a nice ring to it. I think I'm old enough for it now too..
I IMed Laura... I think it was a bad idea. I just upset myself. She was surprised...and tried to chit chat like it was normal...but ...no.
Went to Elaine's bday thing in Ktown... Funniest thing was...I saw this girl that I thought was cute on Friendster walk down the street...NO WAY. It's fate.
Had MASSIVE Korean meal... and Elaine's family is the BEST... they are so much fun! One of her cousin's Beatrice...is the cutest thing ever..I want to adopt her...or make her marry Justin. She's like13 and pouring drinks for everyone...has a sassy little mouth...and just so darn cute cute. Funny thing... Elaine's Dad went with my uncle to Beijing last year... they are both reporters. HOW FUNNY.
I got Elaine a Dave Matthews DVD... it will last her for 75 years. Not like flowers. DUH.
WIll and Helen drove Joy and me back to Queens...they are sucha fun couple... I hope I am like that when I am married.
Nowadays when I refer to "muh girls" I usually mean Eunice, Doris, and Elaine...sometimes other friends...but these three are my go-to-gals who are usually there to get my back. And ditto. I love them to pieces.
Anyways...I step in the door and my aunt calls me crying hysterically. It was not fun to hear her like that. My Dad was basically being an insensitive JACKHOLE and a tolal piece of SHIZNAT. My Mom calls and says that she sees both sides of him... how well he treats my grandparents etc...and what an ass he can be to everyone else... basically...she said... he's not going to change... so IGNORE HIM. WOW, good advice.
So, basically..I'm resigned to waiting for him to change...or for him to be the same jerk he is and wait for some miracle deathbed conversion to being a human being. Int he meantime...pray for him and his ways. It affects his children and everyone around him.
I'm a better man at 27 than he is at 53. I'm so sad. I've always wanted a male role model. And besides Jesus Christ... I don't really have one.
God have mercy on all of us for our stupid, stupid pride.
Back to work with you, marketingchartslaveboy!
gym and...oysters?
Wednesday, July 16, 2003 09:37 a.m.
Work was work.... been super busy all day with marketing charts. UGH.
Had lunch with my coworker/crush...she's so cute! But she's still kinda hung up over her ex...bad bad. But we had a good time and we may get drinks sometime. hmmm.
Went to the gym and got major cramps from doing only 50 crunches. I'm such a wuss now ! But I did 45 mins. of cardio... which was surprisingly easy... odd.
Took my first shower at the gym...it was an odd experience. I felt liek I was back in JH again changing in the boys locker... eeeeew.
Went to Doris' where we hung out with Jamie and Sara... we went to DOCKS for expensive seafood...all the girls had oysters... and I feared for my life. HAHHAHA. Then we went back to Doris' where the girls did stupid dances and I pointed and laughed...and laughed and pointed.
Home... random IM from some one who liked my AOL profile quote: "balance is the shape we are all trying to define" ...it's a line from one of my ooooold poems. I forgot I had put that in my profile...oh well.
Tutoring and then Elaine's bday thing.
It's Weds. already ???
Karaoke Show pic !
Tuesday, July 15, 2003 10:01 a.m.
My pic is on the top right corner.
HA !
Good news...kinda.
Tuesday, July 15, 2003 09:49 a.m.
Work is driving me batty... leaving for Austin next week so have to get a bunch of stuff done in the meantime.
Lunch with the Vick.
Goood news: Got a call from The Karaoke Show. THEY LOVED ME. But no room in the cast until possibly September...and not even sure about that. But they are keeping me on the short list and will let me know if anything does open up in the future.
SO...in the meantime...must finish up CD and get on with a bunch of other stuff.
Lucia... stuff going on... gggrrrrr. Poor kid. Guys can be such asses. BUt so can girls !!!!
Gary swung by....with invites. EEEEP. Ok so that means it's really, really soon now.
Man, I hope I have a girlfriend by then or I'm just going to feel like crap.
Tuesday!
CRazy, cRazY weekend
Monday, July 14, 2003 09:32 a.m.
WOW.
Friday: Took a vacation day to recover... ended up meeting with Eunice after work and going to Mustang's to meet up with Cathy, Georgia, Brady, etc... it was an ok place...drinks were strong...not much talking so me and Eunice bolted and went to her place.
Hung out and chilled... Reen was there! Finally get to meet that punk !
Some... drama. But still getting resolved. Have a friend in desperate need of some resolution.
Saturday...ugh...hungover... not in a good way... ended up hanging with Doris in the afternoon. Brought some junk food and just walked. Went to "Beacher's Comedy Madhouse" near Times Square...s tand up comedy act...kind of like the Man Show...but not as funny. heh. Alex, Victor, Mark, his wife, Keith, and Elisa went...
So this is when it gets crazy...I end up entering the pre-show karaoke contest. 2 other competitors. They sang "cant' help Falling in Love," and "I Will Survive"... the one girl (she may have been semi-pro) danced with me while the other guys sang. Interesting.
So...I did "Living on a Prayer" and BLASTED the roof off of that place...I just went all out and talked to the crowd, ran around, stood on a table, did some rock star poses... by the time I was done...the 1000 or so people were chanting "ABE ABE ABE!" and I obviously won first place... I got a whole bunch of crap in a bag... wooo!
After wards...after lots of frat guy high-fives and whatever some chick said I was a "credit to the whole Asian race." SWEEET.
Went to eat Japanese after...then went to a bday bar thing with Elisa, Doris, Kim, and Wendy... it was kinda lame...and some guy came up to talk to me and gave em his email cause we were both artists...and MArk gave me his email cause he was working on film projects...so all in all.. guys dig me. HAHAHAH SUCKS !
Stayed at Doris'...she's having a hard time... needs the company.
ROugh night...did not sleep well... Had brunch and went shopping. Ended up buying a black suit at BR...nice. I needed one... and spent the whole day with D... just wandering around ... finally got home... watched TV...and collapsed. I'm still tired.
Nutso weekend. I love performing...and I know I have stage presence...so why hasn't Karaoke Show gotten back to me? SIGH...I don't think they have anything for me...if not...back to album and my own gigs.
Ugh...Monday.
KARAOKE IDOL!
Friday, July 11, 2003 01:32 p.m.
work is nutty...girl I have crush on...apparently just broke up with her bfriend. eeep.
Quizno's madness and sunglasses.
Then went over to Jen's to play with Yoshi and rehearse. Went to Karaoke Show on time. Doris, Eunice, and Tia and CIndy and Cindy came later...and we watched the show. It was good as usual!
Then some people came up to sing etc... I was supposed to just sing and not compete...but they didn't have enough peopel to compete...so I ended up doing my thing.
I came in third ! To some gay guy prancing about to "I Want Your Sex" and some metal head who sang a 10 minute Metallica song... people said I was robbed... hahaha...but I wasn't really competing.
Anyways... supposedly the right people were watching and I will find out today about it. I dunno...I have no real idea.
This guy that "somoeone" thought was cute...was actually wanting to hit on Jen...who happens to be engaged. HAHAH. he thought I did well...and he is one of the producer's best friends...hmmm we traded info...get my friend a date...get me in the cast...heh.
Ran into Debra after the show... yow. She really reminds me of Sue...makes me sad.
Went to have some food with Doris...and then came home.
ROugh night...construction and such... Nightmares. Dreamt I was kissing Laura and she threw up all over me. GAAAH. Wonder what that means?
Vacation Day. TGIF. I want a part ! PLEASE!!!!
jitters~!
Thursday, July 10, 2003 11:56 a.m.
So...work was work... Justin impressed his agents and we took full advantage of the TWOFITTTY QUizno's deal...
Home... and rehearsing...and anime...
Pretty much it. I'm getting pyshced for tonight...but so many factors... I just hope that it works out and I can deal with whatever. It's just 5 mins... but it feels like an eternity. I hope I get this part.
Pray for me.
GAAAAAAH!
jitters~!
Thursday, July 10, 2003 11:56 a.m.
So...work was work... Justin impressed his agents and we took full advantage of the TWOFITTTY QUizno's deal...
Home... and rehearsing...and anime...
Pretty much it. I'm getting pyshced for tonight...but so many factors... I just hope that it works out and I can deal with whatever. It's just 5 mins... but it feels like an eternity. I hope I get this part.
Pray for me.
GAAAAAAH!
walk on...
Wednesday, July 9, 2003 09:03 a.m.
Ok... so I didn't have the best day... trying to purge things from my system and just get on with the quotidian again.
Tutored Tammy after work and went on a manga/artbookshopping spree...got $100 bucks worth of crap...just cause I was feeling sad.
Came home to salad and Lucia... practiced for Kshow with live mic. Must do that when I get home.
Had a dream about me being in the cast of the Kshow...and yet it wasn't... but it was surreal...
Justin is at work with me today...meeting with agents and stuff.
And Ciara finally wants to meet up next week! woooo.
I might be getting a crush on someone at work. OoooOh bad. HAHAHA. no mas on this.
No more speaking of the past...hence forth...forward motion. Propelled towards better and brighter...and SANER things.
Feh... I need something great. Pray for me.
sick of this.
Tuesday, July 8, 2003 08:43 a.m.
Met up with Laura for sake and dinner...then off to see Placebo... show was great as usual... and the new songs were good...
Then...we went to Vegan diner...and it all came crumbling down...she had to bring it up again... and nothing has changed... except the fact that I realize ...I can't have her in my life.
She thinks I'm cute...and yet too manly for her... She wants to be with me...but can't casually date me or want a relationship. She prefers androgynous men and women over me ??? WTF? So much good and then there is this world of bad there... she's confused and needs to deal with a lot of stuff on her own.
I honestly cannot deal with the stress and maintain a friendship at this odd level. She's too much for me to handle right now. I did like her a lot... but there is just a world of difference there. So...I can't be friends with her.
It's over.
I'm saddened by this...but I need time...and she apparently thinks the world of me... but I really don't care at this point. There is just too much craziness in her life... and I am in no way capable of handling it.
So... I go on doing what I've been doing.
I have plenty to keep me occupied. And this is just dust.
weekend wrap up...
Monday, July 7, 2003 08:41 a.m.
Well... Saturday night I stayed in...mostly because I induced food poisoning in myself by drinking a whole thing of milk and not realizing it was bad until it was all gone. D'OH! I musta been eating retahhhd sammiches too!
Sunday...some grocery shopping...practicing...and then went to Jersey with the folks and the grandparents...Got a bunch of food...went swimming...played with the kids.
Came home...more Laura time until almost 4... there is some major baggage there...but she's letting go...it seems. I need to keep my guard up... and we are going to see Placebo tonight...hmmm.
Monday...gaaah.
The FUNNIEST thing...
Saturday, July 5, 2003 11:33 a.m.
I forgot to mention this yesterday...but I was laughing so hard... my brother is such a weird kid.
I was about to take a nap in Justin's room with the AC. So Justin came in to bug me. I was on the floor and he was on the bed. And he just screeches "MAAAAAAAAA" ...so my Mom comes up the stairs and opens the door to find...
Justin face down on his bed, with his naked ass poking out.
Then he rubs his butt and tells my mom "KISS IT ! IT's SO SMOOTH! IT'S LIKE A BABY's BUTT!"
My Mom just gives him this weird look and smacks his bum.
Too cute. Too weird.
OH SAY CAN YOU SEEEEE....
Saturday, July 5, 2003 01:38 a.m.
Woooo... lots more stuff happened.
Thursday: Work shmork... Went to audition with Justin... went pretty well.. took polaroids etc... so we'll see fi Valure City likes Justin and his "uncle"...
After work.. dropped Justin off with Ma...and then met up with Doris, Sara, Victor, Alex...for a little bit at D's new place... had some wine...and had myself a 50 block walk to Vic's place... jeebus.
I walked from 40th to 90th! My goodness. I called a bunch of people.. including Laura...to talk a little bit as I went uptown...it was fun.
Me and Vicky got some 40z of Coors Light and had a talk...it was lots of fun and headed off to Foo Fighters. Pete Yorn...should be called...PETE YAWN>..he bored the heck outta me.
FF were friggin awesome... ALL MY LIFE... totally kicked arse. "Hey Johnny Park" was great... "My Hero" ..."Monkey wrench" etc... new songs and lots of obscure ones...but "Everlong" totally kicked ass! Awesome rawwwwk out ... what a great way to end the show.
Had Korean food with Vic and went home...so tired...but ended up talking to Laura until 5 am...heh... she said "I don't deserve to have you"...and I was like "I don't have you yet..." ...heh. cute.
Got up early for some reason...Lucia went off to Central Park by herself...and I'm assuming she's at a party or something right now. ANyways, I helped folks with Ikea stuff, practiced for Kshow audition, and took nap...
Went to Boss' house in Mammaroneck...my whole family went out there...and then met some people... Boss' new helper Ying, Chu's helper Julie...and Esther Han...gah...that name !
Esther "Bing Bing" Han... she grew up in same town as Shiao Jo Ma...and she's like 5'9" ...talll...she's from Mainland China ...but by the Korean border...so she looks Korean... but she's a graphic designer that wants to sing...and she lives like 7 blocks from me... hmmm...we may hang out.
Hung out with family... went to see the fireworks by the marina... ate like pigs...and just came home to watch tv.
Stroke of midnight. I called Laura and sang her "happy birthday" on her voice mail.
I'm pooped... I seriously need to rehearse...and to catch up on all the sleep I've been missing.
FREEEEEDOOOOM !!!! Don't mess with the US, MUTHAFOCKER !!!!
heh. redwhiteandblue.
wooo...weekend coming !
Thursday, July 3, 2003 09:59 a.m.
Wrote about stuff last night... so ...just a quick update.
Took Justin to work with me ...because we have audition later and stuff. He's still so cute...even though he is a big roly, poly pre-teen now.
gotta work fast today...go to audition...then Foo Fighters tonight... wooOOoOo.
Still no idea waht to do tomorrow...BBQs ...randomones... eh...we'll see.
FREEEEDOOOOOOOM !!!!
too good to be true ?
Wednesday, July 2, 2003 11:09 p.m.
Can't wait for tomorrow to talk about all the cool stuff that happened today.
Ok...first... Justin and I have an audition together! J Mitchell called and said they have a commercial lined up. They need "real life relatives" for a Value City (electronics) commercial. So...I'm playing his "uncle." heh. The audition is tomorrow. So, Justin is coming to work with me tomorrow.
Next: CRAZY! Lauren called me with free tix to see Foo Fighters! I was considering getting scalped tix because the show was sold out...but guess I got some tix from my fave chick drummer grrrrl! WOOO...AND...she gave me a stack of CDs from BMG! OMG! How cool is that. And VIcky the cutie thug intern is gonna go with me. Fun! Fun! WAI! WAI!
AND...I finished the LAST Writing Workshop for work today. YES! OH BOY... that's done. So...now Emily (super cute blonde!) get to work on interleaves (hellish marketing charts)together... wooo.
DVD deals at Best Buy...a ton of anime waiting for me at home... OH MY.
Narrowed songs for Karaoke Show try out... think it's between "Where the Streets Have No Name" and "Dancing in the Dark."
AND Lucia paid me today... so no overdraft!
AND I got the guts to write Lauren's sister Kelly...to thank for tix...they were originally her's...and to see if she wanted to check out my music.
AND...I felt like buying lottery tix.
AND... Laura said I was "special" to her...and NOT in a "special ed" kind of way. heh.
Ok...as long as tomorrow doesn't suck...and there is no terrorist stuff on the fourth...this has been one of the best weeks of my life. WOOOoooOOo. I needed this.
Thank YOU, LORD !
AUDITION!
Wednesday, July 2, 2003 09:27 a.m.
OMG! I have an audition next THURSDAY for The Karaoke Show. Go check out www.thekshow.com for details... Anyways... what they do after the show is a "Karaoke Showdown/Idol" contest...my audition will basically be me singing a song...while the cast and VIPs check me out to see if they want me in the show. EEEP. If you want to come out and support me... I have reduced tix. Just go to the door and say you are here to see ABE or use code "merc1" online ...or you can get tix online with that code.
EMAIL ME IF YOU CAN GO !!!!
I'm narrowing down the song choices to:
1. Dancing in the Dark
2. Where The Streets Have No Name
3. Born to be My Baby
Opinions?
Ok...the bad news...one of my mom's cousin's father passed away. He wasn't sick for long. I don't know the details...but my family went down to Maryland for the funeral. I have very clear memories of him... so sad.
Started tutoring Tammy after work... it was cool. She's a bright kid...just needs to learn a few skills. Plus she's a big anime geek! WOooOo!
Went home...almost done with Potter... rehearsed songs... and basically it.
Oph came over to borrow money. What a punk!
Talked to Laura again for a little bit... she's...so cute and fun...and yet so frustrating sometimes. I just wonder where this is going.
WOoOooo must eat little bitty bits... want to look good for next week.
What am I doing for the 4th?
LOVE SHAAAACK!
Tuesday, July 1, 2003 02:13 p.m.
I saw Fred Schneider from the B-52s yesterday going to YM (I think)...I shook his hand...he looked kinda sickly...
He was wearing bright pink pants...It took all my power to keep myself from screaming ...LOOOOOVE SHAAACK.
YOUR WHAT ?!?!? TIN ROOOOOF.
RUSTED !
gopdol.
Tuesday, July 1, 2003 09:36 a.m.
Wild wooly day of work as usual...just getting things done. First day back without Christine... odd.
Lunch with Eunice...why is she so cute? I love her to pieces... ran into Vicky at the pizza store...intern!
Actually..hung out with Vicky after work...we went to H&M to get stuff...and then Ibought her dinner at Han Bat...she never had Korean food before... it was an experience.
Came home and chatted with Clara a bit...she's waaay too cool. Rawk chick. And the kid I am supposed to tutor ...starting today...Tammy...she's a big anime freak...eeep. But we must do actual work. Indeed.
Talked to Laura for a bit...her bday is coming up soon. I think it's July 5...heh... supposed to hang out tomorrow? Maybe today? Maybe Thursday ? I have no idea...it's a fly by the seat of pants thing...
"Even a broken watch tells the correct time twice a day."
Almost done with Harry Potter...poor Snape ! James Potter was a total @$$ !!!
Another Buffy-less Tuesday.
weekend wackiness..
Monday, June 30, 2003 10:17 a.m.
What a crazy weekend.
Friday: Christine's last day and gave her Kenshin messenger bag for her bday...and went to sign Justin's contract. Seems like a good idea... But his first audition... going to have to turn it down...the part is a lead role in an indie film (all Chinese and Korean characters)...but there is cursing and sexual situtations... NOOOOO. not for my baby!
Christine left without saying goodbye....*tear.
After work...hung out with Doris...helped her set up some stuff in her apt. and the girls went to a party...I skipped out...too tired.
Saturday: Went with Mom, Dad, Justin to audition for "Saving Face" ... not gonna get the part...I doubt it.. but the casting director thought I was cute and referred me to an agent...hmmm.
Lunch...had 7 glasses of wine. I'm a dork. Dad... disrespecting Mom in public...laughed in her face because they didn't take her polaroid when she audtioned and me and dad got ours... whatever. He's an ass.
Ma and Justin got cell phones. heh.
Bought some anime figure...what was I thinking ?? Vampire girl...hot. heh.
Hungover...just slept all day Saturday and watched anime.
Sunday: Stayed in and bought groceries... napped on and off all day. Was supposed to keep an eye on grandpa...but he burned something while I was napping...arrrgh. I feel bad...I'm gonna buy him a smoke alarm...several.
A certain someone called me... talked until 4 am...AGAIN... Not sure what is going on... does she like me or not? Nothing serious...she's meeting with other guys and she said "he's no Abe." ... heh... but still... why meet others? She says she just wants friends...then what is it with me? I don't know what she is thinking...but I'm gonna bail if I think I'm gonna get hurt. My guard is so up... My walls are stacked... I got a million things to keep me busy.
"777" sounds awesome... redid a lot of it...but sounds waaay better. Drums sound amazing... need to record "European Playground" next... wooo...electric guitar songs.... yay.
Gym today ? Too tired. :(
Yucko Monday.
hmmm...ideas.
Friday, June 27, 2003 09:58 a.m.
It's boiling !!! save me !
Steamy weather aside... work is hectic...etc...
had Chicago style hot dogs with Eunice in the park...and beet soaked chips and choco truffle cookie... wooo. All fancy shmancy park food. And Eunice got tan...and she looks HOT. ENFUEGO!
Christine's office party...since she is leaving for good. HAd cake. It's her last day...what mixed emotions...I'm gonna miss having her around everyday...but I guess this might be better for our friendship if we don't try to murder each other on a weekly basis. Good luck and Godspeed to her.
So went to Azaleas...brought the Cindys some snacks...met Will... then off to The Karaoke show...met up with Cathy (tiny girl ...she kept hitting me and slapping me all night...jeebus.) and the show was a load of fun...I'm going to audition to see if I can get a part...they have a rotating cast...and they need Asian actors/singers... oh...man...I can belt out those songs.
We had free tix because Cindy knows Debra Criag (korean...adopted) she ... looks like Sue. Gosh....I miss that crazy girl so much sometimes... it still haunts me.
Went to Kahjinup (spelling) for food... man...that's a lot of stuff we finished. too much sake...ugh...
Home... chatted with Laura a bit... Jenn is home now... mad work interview...
Christine's bday present... and her last day...
Signing Justin's papers today! Woooo.
Too hot... may bail on Sarrah and Cathy's parties...I don't wanna pass out !
TGIF
NO MORE !
Thursday, June 26, 2003 09:38 a.m.
Work is work...blecch.
Lunch with the V at Subway...got Newtype... Genveieve is still cute. heh.
Doris moved into her new apt. yesterday...need to go visit and check out the new digs.
Got C's bday presnent...and AWESOME GitS gashopon...
Home... Punch-Drunk Love...I loved it... what neurosis... sometimes I feel like Adam Sandler in that movie...
BUT...I can't take anymore craziness... meeting too many girls who just flake out on me and stress me out. I hate having to watch what I say... I like to plan things... spontaneity is good...but so is punctuality and direction. UGH. I can't deal.
Anyone know a nice SANE girl who is just down to earth...and interesting? Please.. It's breaking my heart... craziness ! WHY ?!?!?
eh..
Wednesday, June 25, 2003 09:48 a.m.
Pretty hectic at work... lots of things to do...and I'm slowly becoming disgruntled. I need to get more bling !
RUsh...got Punch Drunk Love, Man SHow, and...COWBOY BEBOP THE MOVIE....wooo. Mini-picnic with EUnice...she got all toasty dark. Heh. cute.
Was supposed to meet up with Laura after work at the boutique she was working at...but she ended up cancelling and went off home. :(
Anime bingeing... need to watch all of Tylor before I send it off for a trade...blarrrgh. It's better than I thought it would be...but I don;t want to keep it.
Meeting Friday with JMM. Eeeep. Justin's future career. WOW.
It's Weds. and I'm only on page 250 of Harry Potter.
JUSTIN gonna be a STAAAH !!!
Tuesday, June 24, 2003 10:05 a.m.
BIG NEWS. Ok... My little bro ... he got a contract.
JM Management wants to represent him! They sent the paper work over...so he is going to have a 3 year contract with them (maybe 5)...and work in TV, film, etc... wow. His whole life is gonna change. My baby !
Hung out with Jen and Yoshi in the park for a little bit...I can't believe she is getting married. WOW.
Work..home... fell asleep on the train. The conductor was like "Honey, last stop!" I was like: ok..>I'm sorry (drool on my arm) "It' s ok sugah!" HAHAHAH
DInner with the folks and future superstar...and then home.
Laura called... we talked until like 3 am... this girl... so silly calls me "sugarwillow" hahahah what is that ?!?!? We might hang out sometime soon. She's great. I love the way she thinks...the synapses firing off quick.
And I slept without the TV on... hmmm. So far...that's one plus.
I'm not sure where this is going...but right now...I'm digging her...and we are fast friends.
Wait and see, puppy.
rainy and busy weekend.
Monday, June 23, 2003 09:32 a.m.
Just really tired and worn out from the work week. DIdn't do much over the weekend besides the Justin business.
Friday: Just came home after work and relaxed...went home for dinner and such...not much else.
Saturday: Up early and took Justin to the city. Ugh..>Dad disrepecting Mom... more on that later. Justin went to the talent agency...the first cut was 100 out of 2000 kids. He said that they said he was "awesome" and that they would callon Tuesday... Well...if they aren't smarmy Hollywood types...this looks really good. So if he gets representation...he could be like Sana from Kodocha !
Got Harry Potter! WOOoOoo! And some random stuff... Indian food for lunch...and took Tzo to see the HULK! HULK SMASH ! I loved it... a bit artsy for a comic book movie...but hey...it's Ang Lee... GO CHINAMAN! ... and Jennifer Connelley...that woman can sink ships...sigh.
Home for dinner...got in a fight with Dad because he was disrespecting Mom...in public and at home. That old school Asian mentality does not fly with me. I'm scared I'm going to deck him one of these days. If he wants to pull that shit...he better not do it in this country.
Thinking waaaaay too much about the past. Was upset all weekend. Nightmares too.
Sunday...just tired... Alex, Tzo...and VIcky and ehr family came over for a little bit...Just when I was goign to take a nap. Missed church again...ack... Too tired to leave the house. Stayed in and worked on music.
Well... another busy week. I've just been so mentally worn out. Lord, help me.
GAH ! It's only Monday.
more!
Friday, June 20, 2003 01:02 p.m.
70. The first song I ever wrote was for Jen. I recorded it for her and gave her the tape with a blank label. I said that she inspired the song and that she should name it. Long story short...she lost it ! :(
71. I have a very long tongue. Gene Simmons-like.
72. The most unattractive thing. A girl who can't dance.
73. I feel like I am the best shape in the morning. When my muscles are tight and I look skinny. After 9 am...I look like crap. :P
74. People who can keep up with me on IM are cool. I like it quick and responsive. No dilly-dallying!
75. I miss Paraguay a lot.
76. I need to work on languages. Japanese, Korean, French, Spanish...need more time to learn.
77. My goal in life is to be a Renaissance Man. I want to be able to have a 5 minute conversation with anyone. I want to know a little about EVERYTHING.
78. Sometimes I pray in the bathroom.
79. I rarely get angry. I have slow burn. I'm patient.
80. I like being organized. I love numbered lists! Can't you tell?
bleh...rainy.
Friday, June 20, 2003 09:43 a.m.
Work has been hectic...just being bombarded with stuff.
VIcky is terribly cute ...and young. I think I must play big bro role here. She's very cool...and we are sarcastic as heck to each other. It livens up the day.
Went home and got some groceries...just a blah day.
Worked on guitar solo for "777" my Christianrawk song...tore it up and almost there! I've been in a electric guitar mood lately. So I need to plug in and thrash out...these songs might not make the cute for the album...but it's just a mood I'm in... next... drums for "777"
Laura called last night to say hi... I think we are both in agreement. Less talk is better. Just hang out and see.
Sunjoo. dang frustrating... still cute sometimes... especially when she is all intense about grammar rules ! HA !
Clara is in loOooOoOOve with LHB. It's cute... He reached for her hand and she like cupped both hands over her mouth. :O Very junior high...
I wish I could make a girl cup her hands over her mouth... but not because she had to vomit. I get THAT all the time. :( hahahah...so self-effacing, Abe.
Minor revelation: Mr. Blonde (Madsen) in Reservoir Dogs...his name is Vic Vega...and Vincent Vega (Travolta) is his BROTHER in Pulp FIction...did I already know this ???
TGIF !!!! what am I gonna do tonight ?!??! no idea...no money ! damn you Lucia ! gimme the cheddah !
HULK SMASH !
I am a beast of burden.
Thursday, June 19, 2003 10:05 a.m.
I'm tired and sore. Let me tell you why.
Had lunch with Vicky...she is cuuuute. And...19. So must stay away ! HAHAHAH. I've taken her under my wing here and have been showing her the ropes. Psycho artchick. EEEP ! Another one.
After work...headed to NYSC. This passport thing is the best...I'm not confined to Forest Hills anymore ! So ran for a little bit and biked...Then met up with Eunice to go shopping. at BBB...I got a terrific shower caddy thing.. I love it...It's a sign I am becoming waaaay too domesticated. Gosh...what's wrong with me?
Anyways...I'm exhausted by now...get home at about 9ish...and Mom calls to pick me up to get Dad at the airport. He messed up his leg again...so I gotta carry all the luggage. Jeepers.
So...eat...come back home...barely speak to Lucia and pass out to Gasaraki...I am so gonna sell it. I'm never watching that series again!
So..Laura...Im'ed for a little bit... and...I dunno... she won't be back in NY until next week...off to Boston to se her ex/best friend...that just compliactes things. She said she missed me too... I guess that's good...but dangit...what do I want ???
Rain! Again!
QUOTE OF THE DAY !
Wednesday, June 18, 2003 01:48 p.m.
too funny... I was on IM with the intern:
Vick: i laugh
Vick: its a small wind that comes outta my mouth
Abe: so it's like a mouth fart ???
HA! Laugh with me !
wooot. tired. wooot.
Wednesday, June 18, 2003 08:50 a.m.
Work is work...though the cute intern wanted to have lunch with me. Heh.
Lunch with Eunice... fat...and fried!
Wandered the streets after work for a little bit. Too tired to go shopping with Eunice...ended up going home and hanging out with the L.
Got a random email from someone that heard my mp3s. Says he is a talent scout etc... who knows. Sounds a little fishy...but we'll see.
Dad gets home today.
Rain rain go away.
bye bye Christine.
Tuesday, June 17, 2003 10:03 a.m.
An era has come to an end.
Christine is handing in her letter of resignation today.
She's been so self-absorbed and nasty lately... I don't know if I should be happy for her to be leaving...or happy for myself!
Ok...that's mean...But not as mean as she is! Seriously, I put up with a lot of shiznat from her.
Anyways... good for her.
ugh.....and wooo.
Tuesday, June 17, 2003 09:30 a.m.
Good news for the people around me... Justin got his script. It's for a Crunch N' Munch commercial... we'll see if that is what he is going to need to do for sure. He better start practicing.
Christine got into school! It's an MA program...sort of like Gallatin...I don't want to say it's some sort of consolation prize for not getting into an MFA program...but it's school...and she is gonna quit work soon then.
Eunice is going to Miami for her friend's bachlorette party thing... awesome. Hot babes and sun....dang.
As for me...went to gym... ran and that was pretty much it.... Met up with Doris and Sara and took train home.
Tried to work on some music but blister on my finger...ugh.
Lucia is working...good for her. Now bring home the bacon!
Pretty much it... still feeling a little down... but just need to keep doing what I've been doing.
mas.
Monday, June 16, 2003 11:17 p.m.
56. What kind of anime I like: besides just plain old good storytelling--robots, sugary cute stuff, hot girls with guns, and romantic highschool/college comedies.
57. My favorite cereal: Life. (but it's too expensive!)
58. I still don't have my driver's license. SIGH.
59. Sometimes I just don't care. And then I will change my mind. I'm just like that.
60. I hate it when people ASSUME things. You really do not know me. Don't think that you do. Just ASK. Chances are you are wrong.
61. My sure fire weakness: little kids who want candy or toys. 90% of the time...I'm gonna say yes.
62. I wish I knew more about art.
63. Girls who know about art...are dreamy.
64. I'm used to seeing my Mom cry. She cries really easily. But my Dad... if I see him cry...I freak out.
65. I have lots of "characters"... I do voices when inspired. But I can't turn it on and off like a faucet.
66. Afghan Whigs have a song called "66" one of my faves. Makes me feel trampy. :P
67. Sarcasm is a must. If you can't do it right... no. You suck.
68. The art of conversation is quickly being usurped by self-absorbed people. jab. parry. return. yes, your turn to talk...now listen.
69. It's dirty. And it's stupid. puhleeeez. pervs.
Love's Brutality
Monday, June 16, 2003 1:58 p.m.
WOOO. Updates on my mp3.com site.
"Love's Brutality" (live version) is up.
Please go check it out. I think it is one of the best songs I've ever written.
Click HERE to go to my MP3 site.
tired and drifting...
Monday, June 16, 2003 10:00 a.m.
Had a pretty busy Sunday with the family. Got up early to go to Costco with Mom... got a load of food and went back to get the family. The kids were over and we had a little Father's Day brunch for grandpa... I took the kids out for Slurpees...they refused to share and I got them all a big honking one each.
I love those kids. I don't want them to grow up too fast.
Went home...finished up Harold and Maude...I love that movie! It was funny, sad, and poignant.
Had a burst of forced inspiration. Made myself finish up drums for "DOn't Want to be Friends..." and I ahve to admit... with the fact that there is one snare shot off...the drums are pretty much exactly what I wanted. So I'm saying that that puppy is done. "777" I've got most of it done! Amazing, guitar, lead guitar, 2 vocal lines, and distorted bass line are done...just need drums and maybe some more vocals and that puppy is off to the kennel!
Clara... hmmm... she wants us to be "chillaxed" I thought we were! She seems nice and normal. Yay. Friends. Let's just all be friends.
Not going to think. Just blocking it all out. I'm so tired.
I feel like I need to be taken care of.
Surreal.
Saturday, June 14, 2003 07:17 p.m.
Friday and Saturday were just...on a different plane.
Friday: Work... weird day...getting stuff done but slacking because of the paaahhhty. Went to help set up and stuff. Emiyl is our new admin gal...she's super nice and cute. Set up... we had our shindig and I played three songs for the office. I think people really liked it...but they were like freaked and speechless and they didn't really know what to say. But people afterwards gave me some compliments in private and whatever.
But thing that pissed me off is that Christine left in the middle of my performance...She just went home. Seriously, that girl is selfish. I've seen her play at church 3 times and she didn't have th courtesy to stick around for me. Whatever.
Went to Azaleas after work to hang out with Cindy and Cindy. I have never touched so much women's lingerie...and never will.
So...Laura ended up meeting me at 945...late. But it was ok... We went to Angelica Kitched and had a decent veggie meal. Good conversation. Then we went to Lit and had a few drinks and danced a little. It was a really good time. JUst because we both felt free and enjoyed each other's company. Then headed back to Wburg to Red and Black...more dancing... and then got tired and got food to take back to her friend's apt. We scared the crap outta her... cause she was supposed to be in LI...anyways. We had a decent talk over some food. And were being playful and affectionate... close. And then she just freaked.
She was saying that she can only be friends with me now. Because of her mental state at the moment, her need to finish school even at 25, her issues with her ex. It reminds me a lot of what happened to me last year. And I cannot deal with that again.
I'm definitely sad...because in a better time and place...we could have had something. But right now. I cannot deal with that kind of stress and she can't offer me what she needs and I need. I haven't connected with someone like this in so long...since Esther...and that's what scares me... the similarities in personality, in thought, and circumstance. But this time I know.
I'm upset. Laura is really great. I do want to be friends with her. But I feel like at the moment I want more. And I can't. And she can't. And there is no way that I can wait until she is "stable" for there to be anything.
So what do I do? Do I give it some time and try to be her friend... some distance and space? Do I burn the bridges now and just look back on this as a sad turn of events? I don't know yet.
Right now, I miss the way she talks...the crazy things she says about life, the goofy way she uses her hands when she talks, the way she plays with her hair, her eyes...big beautiful, expressive. Her ladybug tattoo.
Can I just say goodbye to that? Do I still want to continue...knowing that there willl always be this barrier with no discernible end? What if my feelings grow stronger? Or if they fade away? I don't know.
I'm just at a point in my life where I feel like I want someone to be around to share things with me. I don't NEED it. I just want it. I'm tired of being alone and not having someone to really connect with and just while away the hours talking about things that no one else gets. I miss that. I miss the physical, emotional, and spiritual connection I thought I used to have.
I'm just tired of meeting amazing girls who aren't ready. Who aren't ready for me. Don't I deserve some sanity and happiness? I feel like crying and being the typical EMOboy because of all this crap I've had to deal with over and over again.
I have the luxury of compromise because I feel like a lot of things in my life are stable. And I'm working on the things that aren't... in a healthy way.
I'm a good guy with a lot of heart. My day will come. One day I'll be ready for something great....and I can offer her what I have without being cynical and untrusting. But for now...I'm waiting for someone to proove me wrong. Make me believe that love exists.
In the meantime...I'll keep licking the old wounds, trying to seal the new gashes, and praying that I don't get hurt anymore.
I am human and I need to be loved.
blarrrgh!
Friday, June 13, 2003 09:32 a.m.
Ugh...yucky weather...work stuff...and assorted other things that are starting to stress me out.
Lunch with Myles at Outback again..w.e ate like pigs. But I had chicken! Chicken!
After work...went to Sam Ash and got a capo and a mic clip...wooo.
Lucia got a job! She's gonna intern (paid...yay) at...get this... Nerve.com/Spring St. Personals! She surfs that site all day anyways! She's gonna get paid to do the same crap! woooo.
Playing for the company today at our stupid little party and CD Swap...all of a sudden...I'm like social director. Where's shufflebnoard? When is BINGO night? What time does the buffet start? Don't know...don't care. Just gimme some ice cream and I'll play for ya'll.
Funny thing happened to Cindy at her store... Woody Harrelson came in and hit on her!~ He came in and talked to her about politics and offered her his food...and asked her all sorts of odd questions. What a stoner! FUNNY! Even funnier...and sketchier...since Cindy owns a lingerie store. WHAT A SKEEEEEZ! ...and NO...white men can't jump. HOLLLLAAAA! :P
Oh...and Cindy was on the WB11 morning news! She was intervied about her store and such. Go to the WB11 website and you can see streaming video of her interview: Click here Then look for "Sexy lingerie" ...heheh.
Please buy stuff from Azaleas! Located at 223 east 10th street (between 1st and 2nd!) I'll go with you to help you pick out stuff... meoooowwwr !
Still not sure where to go tonight...Laura...what to do? Vegetarian eatery...drinks...club...but which one? Culture Club (hmmm), Roxy, Float, Centrofly? I dunno... have to play by ear. eeeep.
More later. Pray for me. This should be easy. Pie. Cake.
TGIF! ...the 13th ! bboOoOoOooo. Don't be scared of Jason...Freddy...he's scarier!
more and more and more...
Thursday, June 12, 2003 04:18 p.m.
46. I've always dreamed of being famous. It's not the bling...it's just the fact that people would appreciate the things that I could do.
47. But I'd trade fame for being able to make a difference in people's lives. Like I believe that in heaven...your friends and random people will give testimony for you. And I always wanted to be able to stand there in front of God and know that I didn't hurt anyone and that I did my best to help others in life.
48. I miss my security blanekt. I used to have one that was shiny silky red on one side...and yellow with flowers (I think) on the other. I wish I knew what happened to my blankie.
49. Kissing is probably the closest I could ever be to another person. Bah...the other stuff...who cares. I just want to breathe in a beautiful girl's breath.
50. I give compliments freely when they are due. If I see something worthy...why not? I don't understand why people are so stingy. feh.
51. I hate being talked down to. I'm not stupid. Don't ever do that to me.
52. I miss Buffy. What am I gonna do on Tuesday nights?
53. I think my birthday sucks. Bad things have happened.. but I like to make a big fuss over other people's bdays. Those are more fun.
54. There is a deep duality within me. Everything has two sides. My angel and devil sit pretty squarely on my shoulders... and I like smart and dumb things...hot and cold...sweet and spicy. Maybe I just like variety and hate being bored...that's probably it.
55. I thrash around on the treadmill and elliptical machine. I run HARD. Because I listen to metal and lipsync. I tend to scare the people running next to me. Hey...I like getting pumped up.
GYM! and Justin news !
Thursday, June 12, 2003 09:53 a.m.
Ok...the big news... JUSTIN GOT A CALL BACK! The talent agency liked what they saw...and they are going to see him again next week. They are sending a script today...so he better practice! My baby is gonna be a star ! HAHAH Nickelodeon? Disney Channel? hahahah too cute!
Lucia got a job as a NUDE model for some art class. jeepers. and she's interviewing for a paid internship at Spring St. Personals...how fitting. :)
Outback with Eunice... we ate like pigs. CRIKEY!
WOrk...and finally got myself to the gym...I'm actually in better shape than I thought I would be after a month hiatus. GO me ! I'm definitely not as buff as I was...but at least still relatively thin... yay. Just need to go more..since I upgraded...I can go to any NYSC now...who wants to be my gym buddy ?!?!?
Rehearsed...playing for company tomorrow...jeebus.
Lucia made salad, risotto, and chicken...I was impressed. She's a good kid. Love her.
too tired to watch anime... ugh... watched like 2 eps. and passed out.
Yay...Laura time ...definitely FRIDAY... wooo. Gotta be like Fonzy...and what is Fonzy, kiddies? ...He's cool.
AYYYYYYYYYY!
more and more
Wednesday, June 11, 2003 11:33 p.m.
34. I can't do math...check the progress of this list and you can see. :P
35. My favorite store (besides DVD, CD, anime, and comic stores) is STAPLES. I love organization. Following would be: Ikea, Bed, Bath, and Beyond, and Pottery Barn.
36. My clothes: a few modes--indierawkboy, eurotrash, businessshmoozeguy, and slackerdork.
37. I no nothing about money. Seriously. As long as I can pay the bills and have a good time. Must lock up the credit cards. Debit card saves me. Once it's gone...it's gone.
38. I need to create.
39. "Crazy talk not crazy actions." Girls who say nutty things totally get to me. I have mad crushes on girls who have wacky ideas and say wacky things. See Penelope Cruz in the bar scene in Vanilla Sky for a good approximation of what gets me. Oh...and artchicks.
40. I'm tired of people saying I would be a great husband...but a lousy boyfriend. I'm sorry I'm not as exciting and as @$$like as normal guys.
41. I like lavender and lilac. Smells good. I want my apartment to smell like that all the time.
42. I always need ice cream in the freezer. Even if I don't eat it...it's comforting to know it is there.
43. I have scars from football, skateboarding, and climbing fences.
44. I've done illegal substances! YES ! I admit it ! Ask me about my absinthe-in Prague-while soaking in bathtub story.
45. I have no political aspirations whatsoever. I think the above would negate that anyways.
more later...fo shizzle.
10 more...
Wednesday, June 11, 2003 09:31 a.m.
22. I speak Mandarin, I can read, write, and speak a little Korean, and learning Japanese...and my Spanish is rusty...but not too bad.
23. I think the number 23 is scary. I forgot why. My fave numbers are: 7 and 9...I forgot why.
24. I wish I could still hug and kiss Eric. I wonder if he knows how much I love him. Justin...he still hugs and kisses me all the time. And when I sit next to him...he just takes my hand without realizing it. My baby cousins are the cutest. And I love my opher and nina and all my cousins in Cali and Canada.
25. I will always be a metal head. Love it.
26. I sleep with the TV on. I get really lonely nowadays.
27. Fave smells (that emminate from a girl): 360, white musk, baby powder, soap, Tresor, etc... whatever my future wife smells like.
28. My fave meal of the day: BREAKFAST.
29. Who I talk to everyday (at least on IM): Eunice, Doris, Elaine. My girls. I love them to pieces.
30. I tend to get choked up easily. Crying... not so easily. Last time I cried was over Esther. :( Yeah, she really hurt me. *see blog archives for oh...the past year ! I'm ok now...seriously.
31. Pet peeves: mouth smackers (when people eat), mean sarcasm, people who are close minded, people with no sense of humor, destructive/devisive
ethnocentrism of any sort (esp. Chinese and Korean.....that shit really pisses me off.).
32. I tend to curse more now. NY. UGH.
33. First thing I notice about a girl: her eyes. Big, expressive, coy....dang. you got me.
DVD-ing.
Wednesday, June 11, 2003 08:43 a.m.
Ok...these late nights must stop. I'm tired. :(
SO...yesterday was one of theose SUPERTUESDAYs...I got new Metallica, Radiohead, and Old SChool, and Donnie Darko. wooOOoOo . I feel entertained.
Went home...dinner. Lucia went out again. That biznatch better get a job! Cause I AM BROKE.
And my poor monitor. IT DIED. It started making chirp-chirping noises and it just went BLAAAAOOOOOW. SO...I'm using one of the little old school monitors from 486 days....HAHAHH
Anyways... dinner...OLD SCHOOL..funny ...but not as funny as I had hoped...and watched Steve's One Piece AMV...pretty cool.
Donnie Darko... you must see this movie! GREAT...trippy and though provoking...some logical loopholes...but still... some laughs and creepiness. Two words: SPARKLE MOTION.
Laura...ack. Meeting up Friday. We'll see. This could be dangerous...or really great...or both.
Wednesday. UGH.
10 more.
Tuesday, June 10, 2003 10:09 a.m.
11. I like to dance. Whether, I'm any good...
12. I tend to get sad and pensive when it rains.
13. Fave foods: beef patties, pho, sashimi, thai noodles, suhrongtahng, xiao long bao, oh ah jian.
14. girls make me cry.
15. I'm not sure I believe in true love anymore. I'm more a victim of time and circumstance.
16. I believe the devil to me would be: a gorgeous woman, with a carton of cigarettes and a gin and tonic.
17. God is good. Even if you don't believe it. He still is.
18. I'm very protective of my friends that are girls. I play the big brother/ non-gay best friend/ substitute boyfriend role a lot.
19. I'm still waiting. Where are you? What's taking you so long?
20. I want to name my first daughter: "Mirielle"...my first son? "Scott" ? or maybe ..."Isaac" ...bwhahahahah!
21. I need to learn not to say too much.
K... next installment...sometime soon.
I will not be consumed.
Tuesday, June 10, 2003 08:56 a.m.
A ho-hum day at work... not much going on here.
Had lunch with Eunice at the local diner... breakfast in the afternoon just isn't satisfying.
Went home...to clean up, do some grocery shopping, and rehearse...because apparently...I'm playing for my company on Friday for our little shindig... How weird is that?
Not much going on...blogging, chatting. Clara is growing on me...she's just funny. Bust-a-Move champ... tomboy girlie girl...heh.
Laura called late last night... we ended up talking for awhile. I dunno. I'm a little hesitant...because I see things going up in flames... but things could be good also. I just need to wait things out and spend some more time with her. It's difficult. We are in different places in our lives...and I'm not sure if we are on the same page.. but jeeeez... it's way too early to tell. We just need some face time to see where this is headed.
I just haven't felt this connected to anyone in a long time...and I'm not sure I want to risk anything at this point. I've got so much I need to do...and so much I can offer. I just need someone in the same mental plane that I am residing in.
I'm just...normal in a lot of ways. I don't know if I'm ready for anything super serious. But I'm tired of being alone. I want someone to share my days with...who just GETS it... you know?
I don't know if I believe in love anymore. But I'm hoping it finds me when I least expect it...someone out there is good for me. Just hoping she knocks me over... because I don't think I'll notice if she doesn't..
Super Tuesday ! WOOoOO....
100 Things You Should Know About Abe
Monday, June 9, 2003 11:52 p.m.
Reva has inspired me to do this little list. We'll see where it goes. Installment one!
1. I'm 6'1 and one of the biggest Asian guys you'll ever see.
2. I've got a big heart that's been through some major turmoil this past year. But it's still beating.
3. Who I love: God, my brothers, my family, and my friends...more than anything.
4. What I love: music that rocks, films that move me, art that shakes me, and good food.
5. Fave bands of all time: Superchunk, Afghan Whigs, Shudder to Think, U2, the Smiths, Depeche Mode, Smashing Pumpkins, Placebo, Jimmy Eat World, gosh too many.
6. I love anime: Evangelion, Bebop, Escaflowne, Kodocha, Love Hina, Berserk,...again too many.
7. I am an award winning published poet. And I have my MFA from NYU.
8. I've recorded one album: "just in case i lose you." And I'm working on a new one called "lo-fi is chic."
9. I've had my heart broken three times. By: G, S, and E. If you've read my blog before...you know the gist.
10. I've got a Marilyn Monroe-esque beauty mark on my upper lip!
Ok...more next time...I know. It's random.
100 Things You Should Know About Abe
Monday, June 9, 2003 11:52 p.m.
Reva has inspired me to do this little list. We'll see where it goes. Installment one!
1. I'm 6'1 and one of the biggest Asian guys you'll ever see.
2. I've got a big heart that's been through some major turmoil this past year. But it's still beating.
3. Who I love: God, my brothers, my family, and my friends...more than anything.
4. What I love: music that rocks, films that move me, art that shakes me, and good food.
5. Fave bands of all time: Superchunk, Afghan Whigs, Shudder to Think, U2, the Smiths, Depeche Mode, Smashing Pumpkins, Placebo, Jimmy Eat World, gosh too many.
6. I love anime: Evangelion, Bebop, Escaflowne, Kodocha, Love Hina, Berserk,...again too many.
7. I am an award winning published poet. And I have my MFA from NYU.
8. I've recorded one album: "just in case i lose you." And I'm working on a new one called "lo-fi is chic."
9. I've had my heart broken three times. By: G, S, and E. If you've read my blog before...you know the gist.
10. I've got a MArilyn Monroe-esque beauty mark on my upper lip!
Ok...more next time...I know. It's random.
GUESTBOOK!
Monday, June 9, 2003 09:34 p.m.
Thanks to Reva (have a safe trip!)... I have finally given in and hooked myself up with a guestbook.
Who's gonna be the first to sign it ?!?!?
Let the race to be first...commence!~
weekend wrapup
Monday, June 9, 2003 08:52 a.m.
Music milestone: I have over 110 plays on my mp3.com site ! WooOoo! WHo are you people? Write me !~
Stayed in on Sunday to clean up ... dead mousey... can't get drum licks right... ack... other stuff. Cooked dinner for Lucia and watched Mr. Bean. That's pretty much it.
Reva is funny! She's gorgeous, talented, and LDS! Some cool stuff in a Colorado package.
Sigh...not going to get attached. Ugh.
Monday...blah.
wow.
Sunday, June 8, 2003 02:00 p.m.
too much happened in the past few days...still processing it.
Friday: went out to Bay Ridge to hang with Deanna, Danny, and number twelve. We had A LOT of beer and bbq...and helped the girls load up their stuff for their gig at Meow Mix..>Danny seems like a reallly nice and fun guy. But not realyl her type...anyways...got to Meow Mix helped the girls set up...met some people hung out.
Number Twelve... Lisa looks like Kirsten Dunst! Melissa has some wicked licks and Lauren rocks... Vocals are weakest part...and stage presence needs a little work. but they gave a good show.
Lauren's sister Kelly works at BMG doing artist development... she wants to hear some of my stuff and see me live... wooo. COuld be something.
Went to hang out with Doris and Sara..etc...ugh. weirdo party of techies. HAHAHAH.
Ok...the big part. Met up with Laura. Her friends Shruti, Debbie, and Jess (?) were there... but we split up and went to Wburg to hang out at Debbie's place. D went to sleep and I stayed up all night talking with Laura. She's amazing. She's gorgeous and talented and we have AMAZING amounts of stuff in common.
We talked for hours about art, music, films, tv, poetry, life... gosh..I haven't felt that connected to anyone in ages... but she has to figure out school stuff. And she might not be ready for a relationship.
We did have a few cute moments. Ladybug, hands, Dobler, B&H, croaky voice, toothpaste, strawberry, etc... these are things I want to keep vague. But innocent, sweet, and could be great.
At this point..who knows. We could be great friends...and maybe more one day. I don't know. I've just been hurt so much ...I'm just scared. And I want to keep my walls up. I never want my happiness to depend on just one person ever again. I'm scared to fall for someone...and I'm scared to be alone. Lord knows what I need. And he will provide.
So pray for me and my susceptible heart.
Got home at 2 PM on Saturday...and I'm just worn out. Slept until 8...ate and watched tv.
Sunday: too tired to do anything...but had to do laundry ./...and find the dead mouse in my closet ! MUSHY !!! eeeeeeep. Ugh. yucko.
Anyways...lots to see and do this week. I feel positive...there is potential for great things.
it must be the hormones.
Friday, June 6, 2003 01:20 p.m.
ok ...ok...officially more than I can handle... no less that 5 ...5 amazingly interesting and/or seemingly sweet girls have contacted me online THIS week.
ack...and double ack.
I'm always complaing about how I want some love/date/hang out buddies...well...I'm scared now.
Honestly, they all seem, great. As in talented, artistic, cute, fun, great taste in music, art, film...jeeez. I';m floored.
But really... what it comes down to is not only "chemistry" (whatever the fudge that is) but heart. That's what I'm really looking for. Someone that''s cool...but also someone that genuinely cares.
Bottom line.... I REFUSE to be hurt again. I have serious ABANDONMENT issues...and I think I would do myself great harm if anyone did that to me again. Grace, Sue, Esther...all the same thing... the leaving. The sudden breakdown of communication. Where I'm left holding a receiver and there is no one left on the on the other end. And I wonder if it's all my fault or somehting I did.
You can say that it isn't...you can say that they were crazy...and it wasn't my fault. THEY can even say it...but I don't know. The "what ifs...: are too hard to bear.
Maybe I''m just too giving...maybe I'm just like my mother (hahah this is sounding like "When Doves Cry"...heh.)
but I need some serious WALLS.
And I just need to have some FUN. Not ready for anything serious. Just friends.
Though...I really miss the closeness of kissing someone. Just an inkling of feeling that there is someone else who wants to be caught up in that moment with you. That's the best. Just the lips. The breath exchanging. That's what I miss the most.
Ok...anyways... bah !
FRIENDS ...I can always use more. Maybe one will sweep me off my feet...someone celestial.
what a day...
Friday, June 6, 2003 09:48 a.m.
Wooo boy. Tired as all getout. WIped out...got into work at 1 and stayed until 6. Proof is gonna drive me mad! UGH!
Went to Azaleas to keep Cindy company. Anyone need swimwear or lingerie? The store seriously needs some business. Let me know if anyone needs dainty things...I can get you a discount.
DInner with Jennie, Jane...and NANCY. OMG. I haven't seen her since New Year's! a bit of a surprise...considering I was drunk and hitting on her and quoting poetry. eeep. sorry. Stilll cute as ever.
DInner at Holy Basil and then hit Venieros... wandered around St. Marks...waiting to see if Laura would be free... Gave up at 1030 and headed home.
TIRED..but still had some time to play some Toki Toki Boom... I'm getting addicted to that! Anyways... sigh. Hope Iget to hang out with L sometime soon... eeep.
Gonna hang out with the D'onofrio and her posse tonight. Going to see Lauren and Number Twelve thrash it up at Meow Mix.
TGIF ! wooot!
LATE!
Thursday, June 5, 2003 12:37 p.m.
Busy... went to drop off CD with greenroom... they'll get it to manager and let me know.
Home...drums... then went to have dinner with Justin and Mom... so cute...we wrassled !
yahoo games... and then ...just as I was about to sleep...IMed with Laura... one thing leads to another and we end up on the phone for 8 hours. She's awesome. We have so much in common and so much we could learn from each other. If anything we could be great friends. Sigh. We'll see.
Clara is awesome too...but is it too much for me to handle ?
And there was a certain someone else...but ...ack... it's rough. Time and circumstance.
Jeepers...meeting all these cool people lately. And it makes me late to work. Headachey...migrainey... lack of sleep and allergies... my throat is on fire !
Dinner with Jennie and Jane tonight. woooot.
WOOO.
Wednesday, June 4, 2003 09:33 a.m.
Ok.. new fridge and groceries. WOOO.
Nina came over for a little bit. Hung out while I did work and mixed down the live demo tracks to score me paying gig... I need to speak to the manager! WHo knows if what the bartenders say is true....
Anyways... Lucia spent the night in. I cooked chicken and rice... tres bien.
Yahoo games are addictive ! TOKI TOKI BOOM!
Ok..I admit it...Clara is way cool.
Talked to Steve about doing anime tour through NY. Ed would come to and chill...not deal with girls...and just get anime. HAHAHAH. we're sad.
Ok... wish me luck with the paying gig. Gonna bring the live stuff to the green room... hope they like it...and pay me!
newness.
Tuesday, June 3, 2003 03:52 p.m.
Ok.. got home from work and recorded some live demos to bring to the green room. I'd love to get that paying gig. wish me luck.
Had lunch with Deanna... she's doing well despite the waitressing while waiting for new employemnt thing. I've missed that kid. We might go see Lauren and numbertwelve on Friday. Cool.
AFter work...just came home.. Took work home. To wait for the fridge. Lucia came back..adn crashed...
Stayed up to talk to Jenn about Dads and work stuff. She's a bit down...but I know she'll be ok. Just a waiting game.
Had a nightmare about me yelling at my Dad while checking out groceries (see...dreams are just a rehash of what you are thinking about during the day!) ... and he morphed into me... so I was yelling at myself.
I've always had major issues with my Dad. I love him...of course...but he's been such a bad role model sometimes. The boozing etc... but he's human and very, very flawed. I'd liek to belive I am nothing like him. But I see him in me. I just want to turn it all into good.
Anyways... worked from home. Got stuff done...but need to do extra tomorrow. Ugh. And I got the new fridge! Love it...and groceries.
Lucia is out and about...and Nina is over keeping me company...gonna mix down live tracks and get a new demo out. wooot.
Highs and Lows...
Monday, June 2, 2003 09:21 a.m.
What a nutty weekend.
Friday: Had to kill some mad time before Yvette's bday jammie. Walked around and actually ended up buying comics. Then met up with Eunice and wandered around Sephora, Duane Reade...and ended up at Teriyaki Boy for dinner. We sat in the park and talked about our twin-ness and went to meet up with Yvette et al.
THe Green Room: non-descript newly rennovated place... they have an indoor FOREST... wacky stuff. Lots of folks...Zenas (gained a lot of weight since I last saw him) and married a little Korean girl that actually reminded me of a certain someone. :( Met some of Yvette and Annabell's friends... and Doris and Sara came later. All of us got summarily trashed...and there was a lot of odd moments. hehhehh...anyways... my girls are all friends now! That's cool.
Went to diner at 2:30 with Mike, D, S, and E... it was weird and satisfying. Asleep by 4...ugh.
Oh yeah...talked to the bartender...and she said that they need live musicians! 3 hours a night...50 bucks and drinks...wooo. I'm gonna talk to the manager...see if I can get a PAYING gig. awesome.
Saturday... rainy yucky. Went to babysit the kids while my Mom went to get some karaoke lesson. HAHAHH. Justin was rehearsing his Pop Tarts commercail...so cute. And we had fried chicken and mac and cheese. FATNESS. Then went home and played yahoo games with Doris.
Sunday: Justin and Mom went to the audition. I went to airport waaaay too early to get Lucia. Her plane was delayed until 7...so I was in the Central Terminal in LGA for oh...3 and a half hours. Anyways... I have a roomate for the next 2 months. EEEEP. Hope we don't kill each other.
The sad news: So Won's father passed away. I couldn't make the wake or the funeral because of Lucia's arrival. But my thoughts, prayers, and condolences go out to SoWon, Sora, and their family. Pray for them.
Other thoughts: time... one thing I think everyone needs after a serious devolution of any relationship is time to themselves. To re-evaluate the things that caused the breakdown and how to get back on one's feet. I've made a lot of bad mistakes this past year...and I don't want anyone to go through what I did if I can help it. A slower pace...doing things that have NOTHING to do with the opposite sex. Being selfish by helping others and by helping yourself. There is more to life than love...and when you lose it ...it feels like there isn't anything worse than that paucity of emotion...and you want to fill it. But isn't it better when that love you find the next time is more precious? Something that you are willing to gather slowly...after you've found that spark in yourself? I don't know...I miss that feeling...more than anything...but am i ready ? I'm tired of looking.
I'm just tired of girls. Period. They make me crazy. Not in a good way.
Anyways... If you know a cute, creative, good girl with a bad streak...who knows what she wants. Let me know.
I'll be busy with my writing and my music. And oh yeah...watching anime.
Archived.
Sunday, June 1, 2003 09:07 p.m.
Yes...another milestone. Set the last few days away in the archives.
Lots of stuff over the weekend.
Will write more at work tomorrow.
I need mad hugs. I need to give mad hugs.
