Time for bad news...
Monday, May 2, 2005 10:45 p.m.

Well, exactly a month since my first day of unemployment and I get a thin letter in the mail. I did not get the NYU job. I can't describe the sense of disappointment...if you've been reading the blog lately...you know how much I wanted this. In any case...if it wasn't my job...it just wasn't my job. I refuse to believe that I can't find a job where I will be happy and feel like I am making a difference. If not NYU...I hope somewhere else. If not teaching...well...I'm keeping my options open.

Just a day of endings...finished Onegai Twins and Wolf's Rain...really liked OT ...and Wolf's Rain got me all choked up...though the end was kind of mind boggling. I'm not sure exaclty what was going on at the end...

Anyways, same old same old...though I did email some headhunters and sent a spec solicitiation to an ed. publishing place...just to see if they have anything. Had dinner with the folks...watched Nanny 911 and RW/RR...I love you, Tonya!

Other than that...my schedule is just really clear at the moment. Just looking for jobs, going to a job fair, hanging out, concerts, and anime...

You can listen to all of the new NIN album online!

http://www.myspace.com/ninofficial

Wish I had more to say... but I'm just kind of numb at the moment... uncertainty really is a weird thing.

Boston = Anime and Church??
Monday, May 2, 2005 01:04 a.m.

So...Saturday...we get up bright and early and head over to Hynes Convention Center...Eric drops Justin and me off and we head into Anime Boston!

Lots of cute cosplayers...long lines...and just tons of stuff. The dealer's room was HUGE...but not as much free stuff as I thought we'd get...some free posters and other random knick knacks initially...but later...oh yes...

Anyways, 5 minutes in and I've already bought the two Asuka figures I wanted...and then I got two anime cels for 10 bucks a piece...a SMJ one...AND...an Inuyasha! AWESOME! Justin got a Naruto ninja headband and some little Naruto keychains...and then...that was basically it...

We catch the end of the Bandai panel and get free Scrapped Princess T-shirts from Jerry Chu! Then we stayed for the ADV panel and DLW and Mariela were in charge! Ask a question and you get a free DVD... I asked about SuperGals Season 2 (no comment) and flimsy boxes (mostly chipboard from now on) and Mariela gives me a Cromartie HS and Justin gets Peacemaker 4...which I need! In any case...it was good to see her again...we should try to get together when she is back in NYC for a little while. Carpy (Matt) and Karyn and Andrew Tei (Reikun?) are also there... Good to see the old AOD gang again...so weird!

Justin wants to go back to the dealers room and I stop by Bandai and get some HUGE ScraPrin posters...and I get the last volumes of Please Twins and Wolf's Rain for 40 bucks...and Jerry Chu gives me a free Yukikase hat!

Next...the AOD panel and we get free stuff galore. Haibane Renmei PBs, Tenchi coins, and Sugar Shampoo bottles...then more questions and more dvds...I get DVD and box of Daphne! And then I ask another question and get HMT Vol.2 and Justin gets Slam Dunk! Thanks Chris! Only a few AODers there...but still cool...and we run into Steve and Ed from AXNY! hahahah...so funny. We anime nerds end up running into each other at these things.

Loads of free stuff and then we take the T to Porter...Eric and Alex pick us up and we go to Jamie and Lester's for HUGE bday BBQ for Eric...Charlotte, Andy (who is now ENGAGED to Ann Park), Ricky, Moh, Irene, Young, Sam, Dennis, and a bunch of new folks are all over...and we all eat...and play Halo 2 (where Alex just slaughtered everyone all night...he's 9 years old!) and this really loud Bible verse game MAD GAB...that sounds like people are speaking in tongues..but it's really deciphering Bible-related words and phrases from phonetically similar words...anyhoo...

Just weird...I know that this whole engagement/marriage thing is in the air there...it's pretty insane...and just the general vibe is so different from where I am now...just odd...but I'm glad that Eric is happy. He's still my baby bro too...and I'm glad that Charlotte seems to be good for him.

Times really change...I remember Jamie from high school, Irene from when she was in NY with me, Andy Poling...and now Sam's sister is engaged to Bobby...and Sam is dating Jenny Shin??? Just crazy changes...

Anyhooo...folks and Hong...meet up and back to Eric's and crash...Just ridiculously hard to sleep with my dad snoring and Justin kicking me in the face...so I sleep on the couch and Eric ...sleeps in the mini-van!

Lei...talks in his sleep...which kind of scared me...but I got to sleep...and then Justin and my Dad stayed at Eric's while I went to church with Mom...we got some coffee beforehand and talked about this job and money stress...she's trying to assure me that things will be ok...but I'm still stressed out...and will be until I know what is going to happen for sure...sigh...NYU...I want this so badly.

Church service was good...I really appreciate hymns more than CCM...the lyrics...goodness...just such a disparity. Lester's message was...on marriage...and it was ok... obviously speaking to Eric's crowd.

Anyhooo...Ames, Julie Kong, Jeff, Sang, and Gina Pyon! ...talked a little bit...and then had to rush off...

Grace calls and she says she is getting us Yankees tix. How much do I love this girl? Too awesome...never been to a Yankees game before...will be really cool to go with her.

Pack up and then off to Bugaboo Creek with the family..where we just EAT...and then...we are all packed and on the road...make it back to NY in like 3 and a half hours cause my Dad was going like 80 the whole time.

Long car rides are the worst for me because I start thinking about the whole job thing...about S and E...(I know, I know...but alot of those memories are tied to Boston) and just where my life is headed...sigh. Lord, I know I need to trust more in Your will and Your plan...but I really pray that all this will work out for the best. I'm so tired of disappointments...and just feeling like crap. Help me.

Well, unpacked the folks and Justin (he was hugging me in his sleep the whole ride home...like a big roly-poly animal) and Chris is sick but not taking a sick day...and I'm home and sorting through all my free anime and my Asuka figures...what a crazy weekend. I'm beat...and I got loads of anime to watch and lots to do.

Bahhhhstaaaahn.
Friday, April 29, 2005 11:23 p.m.

yup...woke up with a sore jaw AND a sore back...what the heck is going on?

Didn't do much besides just cleaning up, packing, and getting ready for Boston.

Folks picked me up and then four and a half hours later...we are in Boston. I honestly thought that my brother would start cleaning up more since he has a steady gfriend now...but it looks like I was wrong. I thought my shower was scary...his shower is ...*shudder.

In any case...we had dinner with the folks and ended up snatching some cinder blocks so Eric could fix his bed...ow...those things are frikkin heavy.

V wrote back...not saying much besides the fact that she is busy...She is so hard to read...does she want to hang out or not?

Anime Boston tomorrow!! Wonder if I'll see any AODers tomorrow...

old friends
Friday, April 29, 2005 12:38 a.m.

Not much going on...had a minor freak out when I was talking to my mom last night. I really feel kind of down at the moment.The uncertainty of unemployment really is burrowing deep into my brain. I wake up with a sore jaw because it seems like I am clenching or grinding my teeth when I sleep...this hasn't happened to me before...and I don't know how to stop it.

Still no word from NYU and it just makes me more nervous. What will I do if I don't get this job? Head back into applying for jobs? Headhunters? What? I'm not sure what I am qualified to do besides ed. publishing and teaching...what are my other options at this point?

Anyways...went out to have dinner with Christine C. and Nancy...we had Korean food...not too bad, but not great...but it was A LOT. It was good to catch up with my college friends and C seems to be having similar problems meeting any quality people...my only advice...you've got to put yourself out there and hope that you'll meet someone compatible...I know, advice from the loser who can't seem to hold a healthy relationship.

*SIGH. (a big one.)

I'm just tired of uncertainty and waiting for bad news. I just hope that something good looms on the horizon. I'm so tired of disappointment.

Nancy's upcoming nuptials should be really fun...I'm so happy for her. I can't wait to see her and all my BU friends on that day...it will be great.

Other than that...I bought an Emily the Strange figure...and it kind of looks like S...hahah...kinda sad...but still cute. I'm such a sucker for the pale skin and the dark makeup...where's my cute goth girl?

Off to Boston...and guess what...Anime Boston is this week! Guess who is going to an anime con with no money...yup. Hopefully, my folks will feel sorry for me and give me a few bucks to pick up an Asuka or Faye Faye...oh, well.

On a another road trip! Updates on Monday.

wow... unexpected.
Wednesday, April 27, 2005 10:10 p.m.

Just when I thought I was going to have a boring day of running errands...

Well, it started out that way...going to the bank, to Duane Reade, getting some comics, and then home... I get a phone call.

No message, a number I don't recognize...but I call back and then..."Is this Abe?"

Turns out it was Wendy! Remember her?? The girl I "almost" dated well..kinda sorta...because she had to go off to Singapore...anyways...she was in town for a wedding...she did tell me months ago that she would be in town, but I thought it was beginning of April...and well, we know all the stuff I was going through then...so I thought I missed her...

Anyways, she had the afternoon free so I went to the city to meet her for lunch. We met up on 5th Ave at the BR and then went to Coffee Shop to have a late lunch...we caught up a bit...she has a boyfriend that she's been with for over a year and he sounds like a friggin' Singaporean genius with two masters and he's in the airforce and flies F-16s...not what I expected from my cute little artist friend...anyhoo...she showed me a pic...and he's a dork. :P

So I go shopping with her and totally flirt with her all afternoon and just tease her...trying to get her to move back to NY and what not. It was fun and her smile...just annhilates me... And I'm glad that I can coax that out of her...because she tends to be shy and a little cold...but it just seemed like old times...and I know she enjoys my company...unfortunately...our paths just diverge waaaay too much.

There is a chance she could move back for school...and if she comes back with her boyfriend...in anycase...I'm glad we had the time we had together...and I'm grateful to the little private birthday party she threw for me a few years back (see blog archives, oh...like 2-3 years ago?) and for all the anime nerdiness that we still share.

Yes, she is watching Naruto...yes, she wants to watch Twelve Kingdoms...sigh...I wish, I wish, I wish... gorgeous girl that loves anime? How am I ever going to meet ANOTHER one like that?

And the killer...we stopped by Best Buy to look for DVDs she can't get in Singapore...and the only thing she picks ups is...Arrested Development: Season 1...and I didn't even say anything because I was stunned...she was like "I saw half an episode and I really liked it...it just started in Singapore." My gosh...is she my pop-culture-soul-mate or what?

Sigh...anyways...I'm just unlucky with all this stuff.

Speaking of which...I'm really hoping that Queens College might have something for me...they sent me a letter saying that they aren't even looking at next semesters openings yet...but they have my resume on file and will contact me if there is anything suitable...

One of my last pre-orders came in...Scrapped Princess comes with an AWESOME figure...it's huge! It's like a foot and a half! Best anime dvd pack-in yet! (I'm such a dork)

Oh...and I called Nicole...my friend that introduced me to Wendy...and she wants me to have dinner with her and ANOTHER friend she wants to hook me up with next week...hmmm...she's 1 for 1 so far...so we'll see.

Running out of money! ACK! Must conserve! Summer is almost here and all these awesome comics are coming ut...and new anime series and old ones finishing up...*sob. I need a rich animeloving girlfriend. Scratch that...I just need a girlfriend.

The LOST recap episode tonight...When Kate kisses Sawyer...I was just mesmerized...because I can barely remember doing that...sigh...last girl I kissed was like...July last year...and it wasn't even good. :P

Anyhooo... running errands, cleaning up, doing something productive tomorrow. UUURRRGH !!!

Hilton...and Hooters
Tuesday, April 26, 2005 09:57 p.m.

Well, I'm back from Atlantic City and it was an interesting time...pretty fun...but I'm not a big gambler and I really don't have much of a desire to go back...

Anyhooo...Sunday we went to Jersey to stay at my aunt's place...even though they were out all day. So my folks and Justin and I went and got some groceries from Chinatown, took Justin to the bowling alley, went to the mall, and just hung out at my aunt's place. We had some monster steaks and played with Alex's guinea pigs...Henrietta and Fiona...they are so cute and they make these weird...space-like bubbly sounds...it's hard to descrive...but they are cute. When Alex and my aunt and uncle came home...we just hung out a bit and played with the guinea pigs.

Monday...we went to AC and checked in at the Hilton...the boardwalk was actually pretty empty...and it was kind of breezy...and the pier was closed...so Justin was mad that he couldn't play the carny games...but he went to arcades and what not. The Hilton is at one end of the boardwalk and the Taj Mahal was all the way at the other...it's like almost a 3 mile walk over there! Looks much closer but...it was far and my ankle has been really bugging me lately...so it was rough.

Anyhooo...I played and lost 10 bucks on the slots...and just spent the rest of the time with Justin. My dad went to play and he won and lost and won again...so he basically broke even. Anyways...after the buffet (which was kind of sad...seeing some of these people just eat by themselves...you can imagine what their lives might be like) we walked home and went past the Tropicana...where they have a Hooters!

I've never seen a Hooters girl in my life...so it was the first time...they were all really tiny and cute...and those shorts! HAHAH...Justin was like "Ma, if you had a daughter who worked there what would you say?" ..."I'm happy that you are healthy and have nice boobies!"...my mom is so weird.

Anyhooo...just exhausted. Tuesday..got up and had breakfast buffet with Justin at Caesar's palace...went to the outlet stores with mom and got a few things...and then we were off. The weather was really nice...but still pretty empty. Had a good time though.

On the way home..we stopped off at ZRed Bank...and guess where we went... JAY AND SILENT BOB'S SECRET STASH!!!! AWESOME! It was kind of tiny and no one was inside...except Walt Flanagan (one of Kevin Smith's friends) and some employees...Checked out some of the movie memorabilia and got me some signed Kevin Smith stuff! I got "The Evening With KS" poster and the dvd KS did with Stan Lee...signed stuff is cool...but I wish Kevin Smith was there. I also got a litho of the infamous sketch from "Chasing Amy"...awesome stuff!

AND...got ATHF Season 1 used from the CD store across the street! WOOO.

Came home.....Chris didn't miss me. :( And got news that AI hired a Copy Editor...:( ...but they are giving me some freelance writing/editing stuff soon! WOOO! Getting my foot in the door at least.

Ok...I'm beat...have a load of errands to run...and just a bundle of nerves because I should be getting news from NYU anyday...if I don't get it...oh, man...what am I gonna do...

Anyways...my dad's snoring and Justin's snoring have made me exhausted...I need a good night's sleep where I can snore in peace. woot.

lazy days...
Sunday, April 24, 2005 12:13 a.m.

Ok...so the past two days haven't been exactly productive. I've been just watching tv and cleaning up around the house. Nothing really out of the ordinary here.

Naruto...watched like 90 episodes of it in the past two weeks...which is just insane. I've run out! I promised Justin I would get him some more (bootleg) episodes from Chinatown...I know, I know...but we are desperate junkies here! Also lent my cousin Kaleido Star and she is crying like a baby! I knew she would love it! That anime series was such a huge surprise...and of course the Abe got all teary eyed too...no way Nina wouldn't cry!

V wrote back...I'm not sure what to make of it...I suppose we will see next time we hang out...seems like we are actually going to hang out...so it's a start.

News from NYU...should be sending out the status next week. ACK!!! I really, really want this job. Lord, please help me with this! If I don't get it...I'm really going to have to wrack my brains and figure out what I'm going to do next.

Other than that...leaving for Jersey tomorrow and will be back on Tuesday... nice to get a change of pace.

More work on the novel. Here it goes...

SHARINGAN!
Thursday, April 21, 2005 10:44 p.m.

Man, did not expect that to happen...was up until 5 am watching Naruto...just too good to stop watching...and I watched even more of it today...and will tonight...crap...I only have like 15 episodes left...eep. I think I will write Anime Insider to see if anything is open at the moment...maybe freelance?

Some more news about the old company...oh,man...the VP basically got forced out of a job. 3 new VPs were hired...and basically our old VP resigned because he became "redundant." ...now, I think people are waiting for our Executive Editor to quit or be fired... man, again...it confirms the fact that it was the right move for me to leave.

Listening to SDRE's classic album "diary"...I just wish I knew someone else that thought it was a classic besides rock journalists and people I will never meet...sigh. I just want someone to like what I like...

Speaking of which. Emailed her last night...but no reply today. Either she was really busy...or it's the first sign of being blown off.

Though...funny enough...just when I was getting a little disheartened and neurotic...I get an eamil from C...so I might go out with HER on Saturday...funny that. Oh well, we'll see...right now...we just seem like e-buddies.

Also saw "Meet the Fockers"...it was worth a chuckle...I actually really liked Dustin Hoffman in it...the moment with him on the toilet and DeNiro in the shower...that was it for me.

Went grocery shopping with Chris... it was fun. He has this weird habit of compulsive lying...every day...he has to lie about something stupid... I got this game today, I did this, I did that...why? NANI ?!?!?

And Survivor...Steph really squeaked by tonight. I want her to win so badly...she really wants it and deserves it.

AHHH SDRE moment right now...it's just...lovely..."song about an angel"...love it. Had to replace the cd that a co-worker borrowed ages ago and never returned...anyhoo...

One thing that I didn't mention yesterday...it was the anniversary of my grandfather's death. It's so weird...sometimes I forget that he's gone and I think he's still in Canada somewhere...reading the paper, eating hot dogs, and having a glass of vodka. I really do miss him...the way he smiled and laughed, the way he chewed vegetables, the way we would take walks... Lord, take good care of him until we meet again.

good...not great...it's a start?
Thursday, April 21, 2005 12:19 a.m.

Lots of stress today... I think I am grinding my teeth in my sleep. ow. Anyways, just cleaned up a lot of stuff around the house... not much else... just a bundle of nerves.

Went to meet V at 7 at Starbucks and immediately I was like...wow...she's cute. And she's tall. But I think I was a little overdressed...she was more college-y...but anyways...went to Kenka and had dinner and talked. I was getting a bad vibe when she said she needed to leave by 9:30...but then again she works long hours...and I can't really judge by that.

We had a really good talk and just so many things in common...we love like the same movies...like Harold and Muade, Memento, Usual Suspects....and she knows Army of Darkness! Her fave show is Buffy...loves Radiohead and a whole lot of other bands that I like too.

The kicker is that she has her own digi-8 track, sings, plays guitar...even knows drop-D tuning...and she can harmonize easily...

But she says she's not a big cheerleader, not very emotional...which I am...so hmm.

She even has a 13 year old brother...which is so funny to me... so many things we had in common. She read "Porno" and "AHWOSG" ...we just had so much to talk about.

She said that all of her past relationships have developed from friendships and she's never really dated before...which is good. And she is "straight as an arrow"...whew.

Went to Beard Papa's and had some cream puffs and talked some more...and the whole train ride home...and then the bus ride...and then...we walked past my folks home...because she lives on SJU campus...so bizarre.

It felt a little rushed...but she says she wasn't blowing me off...and she might be free next weekend to hang out. So, I guess we'll see then.

It was really nice to meet someone I had so much in common with...and gosh...she looks like Jennifer Connelly...just really pretty. AND she used to play center for her basketball team. Just insanely cool. I have such a crush on her right now.

Sigh..but of course... let's not get ahead of ourselves. I could not really get a read on her...but she seemed to have a good time. It was disheartening that we only got to spend like 3 and a half hours together...but still...I have to remember she works alot...and I don't work at all.

Anyhoo...I really do hope we get to be friends at least...but if not...I will chalk this one up as a good one. At least for now...

happygaytime...aka Erasure concert
Wednesday, April 20, 2005 01:44 p.m.

Just a packed day...went out to run a bunch of errands...got a haircut while they were electing the new Pope...Ratzinger...oh, man...just waiting for the late night talk shows to make fun of that name...and V called...we had a good chat and it was fun. Got me a little more optimistic for meeting up tonight.

Walked to the bank to get some cash and just enjoyed the unseasonable but gorgeous 80 degree weather. Came home and cleaned up around the house a bit...and got ready for the concert.

Met up with Grace at Virgin Mega...and she just stuns me...everytime I see her I'm like...wow, she's gorgeous...and she's been my friend for nearly a decade? Dang..anyways...we went over to Link to meet up with Doris, Jen, Victor, Aileen and some other people.

I had a really good talk with Grace about lots of deep stuff. I guess we both met each other at really crucial points in our lives...and now we've changed...and maybe one of the reasons that we have a hard time opening up...or at least I do...is that I feel like I am a completely different person now than I was when we both met...of course 10 years can do that to you...but still.. I have this hang up that she will look differently at me if she really found out what's been going through my peasized brain all these years... just a different person, I suppose.

Anyways... erasure was like a big gay, Asian, and gay Asian fest. Just such a great, fun vibe all around. Ran into Christine and her sister right away...then ran into Arthur from HS...he was acting a little odd...but by that time we were all pretty hammered. Grace bought me waaaaay too many drinks and they were strong...and I shouldn't have been mixing...oh, well.

Erasure's new songs were surprisingly good...but the old songs...oh wow...I can't believe I still remember all those lyrics. The best ones were: Ship of Fools, A Little Respect, Drama, Blue Savannah, Chorus, Breath of Life, Oh L'Amour, and Sometimes...just so much fun to act like a little girl and sing and dance along...it was ok to be a little gay.

Andy Bell and Vince had some pretty outrageous costumes...especially the angel wings and what not...and Andy was talking in a little girl's voice most of the night...but his singing voice was just amazing...so much fun. Some of those songs really took me back to junior high days...and thinking back on me and Doris...how we've been friends for so long and all the embarassing junior high stuff...wow...I love her.

And Grace...she was just having a great time cutting loose and just having fun...and she smelled so good. HAHAHAH. I love her too. AND she gave me a much belated Christmas present..."Sex, Drugs, and Coco Puffs" and a Yorkie card...I love yorkies! You all know that.

One part was very odd...this one guy was doing this antagonistic almost like punk rock dancing thing...and maybe he was coming onto me...but he kept wanting to shake my hand or give me a pound...very odd. Always get into weird things like these at Erasure shows...the only near fight I ever had at a concert was at Erasure in London...sigh...that's another story.

Anyways...afterwards...guess who else we run into? Carmen and Vash! HAHAHHA...so I ended up taking the train home with them and just catching up on their married life and whatnot...good times.

Home...feeling icky because of the booze and not eating...watched Naruto until 3am...and just passed out.

Pretty much it from last night. Big night tonight. Cross your fingers...eeep.

days go by...
Monday, April 18, 2005 10:54 p.m.

Wow... time flies by so fast... it's been over two weeks since I've been out of work...and I really can't believe it...my schedule and my whole way of living has changed so drastically. I really do need to get a move on and start writing more consistently...but if I can do one productive thing a day..well..that's better than nothing.

Went out and ran a bunch of much needed errands. My skin is just a mess so I bought some bath stuff, lotion stuff, etc...yeah, I know...kinda gay...but you knew that already. Changed the fluorescent lights in the kitchen and it makes a HUGE difference. Cleaned up around the apartment...

Went home for dinner with the folks...everyone seems to really like Charlotte and they all think she will fit well with our family. I'm really happy for Eric. Anyways...had dinner with folks and oph...came home for more clean up... write up my Queens College spec letter...and get ready for Erasure concert tomorrow.

Expecting lots of Asians and homosexuals...and Asian homosexuals tomorrow. Should be a good time.

More Naruto... love this show...even if it's bootleg.. ACK!

now you're playing with the high rollers...
Sunday, April 17, 2005 09:40 p.m.

Man, what a tiring but fun weekend we all had. I only got about two hours of sleep since I wasn't feeling so great and tossing and turning on Friday night. Up bright and early on Saturday and we got the grandparents and the kids in the car and drove to Mohegan Sun.

We wandered around and the kids played video games and those dumb ticket games to get their crappy sub-99centstore toys. Then we went to Foxwoods and checked into the suite.

The suite was awesome...huge place with a jacuzzi, two tvs, a living room, a mini-bar set-up...kind of like the Mirage setup in Vegas from years back.

At this point I had taken care of the grandparents and the kids for a few hours and needed a nap. The kids went to the pool and I just passed out for a few hours. Got up and went to get food for the family...ate...

My mom took my grandpa to see David Copperfield and it was funny because he asked for audience participation...and my grandfather got up from the wheelchair and was like..."ME!" apparently Copperfield was throwing balls at the audience and my mom made my grandpa sit down or he might get hit in the noggin.

My grandma was playing the slots and won $250 bucks! So we took the family to the Ben amd Jerry's and ordered 50 bucks worth of ice cream. It was apparently the largest order they had in awhile and the server was this Russian immigrnat ...and the poor girl. We ordered two pints and she reached for the scoop...I was like, honey, I worked at Baskin-Robbins before...you need to use the little shovel tool.

So full of ice cream and tired after more videogames (this time at Foxwoods), and carrying the tired kids around...we went back to the suite...all the kids stayed over with my mom, my aunt, me, and my grandparents...we went pretty ghetto and camped out on the floor...and the hotel didn't have enough spare blankets...so we had to use towels and jackets! My aunt and Uncle alan, and Lu Lu's parents each had rooms of their own...and privacy. heh....and eeeeew.

But I did get to soak in the jacuzzi for a bit...and nearly fell asleep amidst the water jets...but anyways...

Got up...changed and watched the kids swim...Charlotte and Eric were here by now and Niu made Charlotte dry her hair and comb it...pretty cute...and Char fit pretty well with our family.

My Dad, Chris, Nina, Kelvin, my uncle, Johnny's mom also came...and we all gathered and hit the insane champagne brunch. The shrimp, eggs benedict, and the brownie pie were my faves...and of course I had 4 glasses of champagne.

Charlotte got the full family treatment...and she managed to do well. kudos to her! I'm really happy for Eric...so hopefully, the next big family event...I'll have someone to bring too.

Anyways, my grandpa made a very cute speech saying how happy he was and that he made the right choice to come to the states from China. He saw his children and their children do well...and it confirmed his decision to leave the country that he loves.

Anyways...food and then more slots...I wheeled the grandparents around and my grandpa won 20 bucks at the slots...I even gave my mom a wheelchair ride...hahah pretty fun. Weird mix of people at Foxwoods...some Asian prom thing? And then Kelvin won like 300 bucks at black jack...and Nina made sure he didn't lose anything...

And then...it was over...man, just exhausted. Had a great time with the family...and just still a lot to process. The kids are growing up fast...so this might be the last time we are all together and they are still this cute... and able to win at the crane games and care about temporary tatoos and stuff like that.

Really happy that my grandparents had such a good time. I hope we get a chance to all go out like this again....worth the time, the money, the effort, and the trip. Good time all around...

Now back to the wonderful world of unemployment...and Arrested Development! WOOO!

third wheel-ness
Friday, April 15, 2005 11:32 p.m.

Got up at 11ish and went out to meet Romana and Cliff in the city. Met up at 34th street and then went to Chinatown to get some Taiwanese food.

Romana and Cliff came to NYC for the day to celebrate their 2 year anniversary...they most likely will be married in a couple of years if not sooner. Anyways...we get to the Taiwanese place...and it's gone. New restaurant with grand opening flags in it's place... anyhoo..we go to Joe Shanghai's and have some awesome shao long bao anyways.

Have a good time joking around with them and what not...and the third wheel feeling wasn't really there...so it was good. I'm glad that Ro is happy and Cliff seems like a really good guy. I am so happy for them...and I hope that they will be happy for me one day too...

Went around and looked at anime goodies... saw this one Asuka figure that was clearly a knockoff of one I wanted ...but it was only 10 bucks and the one I wanted was long sold out...so...yup...got me a new Asuka.

After sending the happy couple on their way to Serendipty for frozen hotchoco...I stopped by Book Off and found a 7.50 pristine copy of "Middlesex"...that Eugenides book that I keep hearing about...so I pick it up and come home to pack.

So...all packed and ready for Foxwoods with the family for the weekend...wrote like a quarter of a chapter last night...and now I have a date with V on Wednesday!

I always jinx myself when I write about stuff on the blog before it happens...so I'm going to keep mum about this. I hope it works out...and well, you'll hear about it on Thursday if things go well...if not...well, you'll hear something. :P

So, just need to get me a new job then...sigh... soon soon...it's gonna happen.

TGIF...week two has been goood!

Doom 3 is owned!
Thursday, April 14, 2005 11:34 p.m.

Awww yeah. I beat it today...even though I was playing it on easy... still. I'm no fancy pants gamer so I can't really do much better than that...but it was cool to use the soul cube to kill the cyberdemon. WOOO. Sense of accomplishment.

Not only that...but I wrote and sent a spec letter to SJU for a possible job... we'll see if anything pans out from that.

I was actually feeling pretty good and not freaked out because I know that if anything...I can always freelance. I've got loads of contacts and people that want to work with me. So I always have that option. In any case, not going to freak out until May...plus my tax return is like 6 or 700...so that will help a little bit... in any case.. not going to worry about that for awhile. It hasn't even been two weeks yet...so...relax.

News of another coworker that quit...dang straight! I figured that more people would be leaving... we all know that something is amiss. It's no surprise.

One thing I forgot to write about yesterday is how one summer we went to Canada...this must have been like '84 or '86...and we did this "talent show" thing where we would fake play instruments and sing/lip-sync...and I got so mad because Angela and Jenny upstaged us by their dancing...agrrrgh! Anyways...this all relates to how we'd use a nitelite to create the mood and we'd sing to a tape... "Wild Boys" by Duran Duran was one such opus... I clearly remember that one...especially with that column of light along the orange/brown carpet...and the shadows that we cast with our little round bodies.

Also news about my cousin's wedding in...MAUI...looks like that's where I'll be spending my Thanksgiving... woooo!

Anyhoo...I should try to write a little. Meeting with Romana and Cliff tomorrow...and then the weekend.

hungry ...like the wolf.
Thursday, April 14, 2005 01:04 a.m.

So, yeah...I can't get to sleep before 3 am anymore. GAAAH. I need to get up earlier and start doing some work. Unemployment has made me lazy...I admit it. A week and a half and I feel like such a putz.

Anyways... went to get some comics (afford me the luxury!), and met with Grace at Plantain. Food wasn't bad... and coconut mojito was good..but not strong enough.

Anyways...she's been going through some health problems (which she hasn't disclosed...but it's not life threatening) and some stress related issues. In any case...she's not going back to work...at least not for her old company...and she has enough saved that she doesn't have to work AT ALL through 2005...dang. I wish I had that... but all in all..she's doing...better. I've been praying for her too.

She's a tough cookie and tough on me too...am I really that pessimistic? I mean...I've had an uncanny string of bad relationships/ dates...but I always go in with an optimistic outlook, don't I? In any case...I must try to make the best of it and not give up. I don't think my soulmate is in another country...or doesn't speak my language...but still...I have hope.

Opener for Duran2 was some act named Juliet...pretty terrible...we couldn't tell if it was a gay man or a woman.

In any case...Duran Duran were AWESOME...sounded and looked great...and all original members...played most of their hits...the new album is eh...but once "Hungry Like the Wolf" kicked in...WOOOO...what a mixed audience too... lots of oldER people...

THis one guy..he literally was dancing all night and did some Napolean Dynomite moves... sweeeet. I looked at him...at that awkward moment when someone decides to stop dancing... you know that moment...I felt bad.

Anyways...one of my favorite songs of ALL TIME is "Save a Prayer"...and they did a great version of that, "Come Undone", "The Reflex", "View to a Kill"...and they closed with a cover of "White Lines", "Girls on Film"...and "RIO"... just awesome. I'm really glad I went and that Grace could come out...

Home... Chris is sleeping and I can't watch LOST...which is bugging the heck outta me...gotta get up early and watch...and then do some real work.

I did nail down a prelim TOC of my novel last night...so the blueprint is all down...now I need to get cracking and write.

Ok...work to do!

not much going on...
Tuesday, April 12, 2005 10:34 p.m.

woke up late...played some doom 3...went over to my folks to run some errands and have dinner. Pretty much it.

One of my friends quit her job today too...well, I heard about it today...seriously, maybe it's the whole quarter-life-pre-30 madness...or maybe it's something in the water.

Ok...going to try to write something now... must try to write SOMETHING.

more funny stuff...
Monday, April 11, 2005 11:42 p.m.

Funny story from yesterday... took the kids to pick up a bday cake for Philip at Baskin Robbins...on the way there...he sneezes in Niu's hair...and gets a booger in it. Lu and Justin are just howling...and I tell them to get a napkin...it takes them FOREVER to get it...and Niu is doing the whole "shivershudderabouttocry" dance that kids do...and then finally..they get the napkin...but Philip just uses his hands. And Niu starts crying anyways...it was one of those "had to be there" things...

Ok...Doom 3 has me totally freaked out...I couldn't sleep last night because I was like...I KNOW WHWRE TO GET MY BFG! And when I played today...I got it...but it sucks cause after one level...you get sucked into "hell"...and lose all your weapons! CRAP!!! And it gets even scarier...sniff.

Anyways...ran some errands today. went to the bank and got a few groceries...not much else. Really not doing much of anything. I should...but I'm just getting lazy...I lowered my APR on oneof my credit cards... that's the highlight of my day.

I need someone to play with. I am getting bored. Sigh... Going to try writing tonight and tomorrow...we'll see how that goes.

Week two! Don't spend money, Abe!

family weekend...
Sunday, April 10, 2005 07:45 a.m.

Ok...my fault for missing church. Had a stomachache last night and was freaked out because I played doom 3 too late at night...didn't get to sleep until 5...

My mom calls and wakes me up to go to Kissena park with the family. Grandparents and kids... so we get to the park and this is the first time that my grandfather agrees to sit in the wheelchair...which must be a hard decision for him, because he's always been too proud for it... but we had a nice time. The weather was gorgeous and I haven't had time to just be with the family in awhile.

Ran like 3/4 of a lap around the pond and was winded. I am sooo outta shape. I can't believe how U used to run like 3-5 miles at a time...how the heck did I used to do that? Sigh...must get back in shape.

Going to be a busy week...lots of stuff I need to get done...people I need to hang out with and just a lot of stuff I really need to get a move on. I MUST start some serious writing this week. I MUST get my spec letters out to universities/colleges....Just a lot of stuff. But man, I've been unemployed for a week...and I really have been productive...but I can be more so.

Whew...ok... week two, here I come.

een MORE productive...
Saturday, April 9, 2005 11:33 p.m.

Dang...been busy. Friday got up and built two bookshelves in like 30 minutes. I am really good at that. Cleaned up... recorded "hurt"... and then the kids came over and we watched Kung Fu Hustle...which was GREAT. Stayed up late to read Watchmen again... I can't believe how well it still stands up...just a great read.

Saturday: Got up and watched some anime... and then recorded "high and dry"...then was just hit by inspiration and wrote, recorded, mixed, and uploaded "under lock and key"...it just came out of nowhere and it was done in 3 hours. Just like that. ...I was stuck with some of the lyrics...I even referenced guided by voices and built to spill in there...but looking back on it...those lyrics are really telling of my relationship with E... really painful...but I guess I can write about it now...the lyrics...man...just cut deep.

But the song is one of the best ones I wrote...I really think so...the harmonies on it are really, really tight...and it has a folky...almost "Dust in the Wind" feel to it. Check it out!

Played some Doom 3...Watched "Saved"...I liked it... lots of stuff in there that they got right...I just don't like it when they slam Christians...but there were a few good examples of hypocrisy...and some of what Christ's love is supposed to be.

SNL...the Barry Gibb talk show segment was HILARIOUS...I wonder if kids get it...but Justin Timberlake, Jimmy fallon, and Drew Barrymore... funny stuff! Loved it.

Also got my bonus check today...not too shabby...but dang...TAXES!

Church with Grace tomorrow? Seems to be the plan...wow... a week has passed already...I've done a lot...and yet... so much more to do...

more adventures!
Thursday, April 7, 2005 10:51 p.m.

what a day... dang... so much happened. I am flat out exhausted! My mom played hooky and woke me up at like 1030...I was in the middle of a weird Doom 3, Ring, anime, Christina Aguilera dream... I was in a house like the one where Xtina was in for the "Genie in a Bottle" video (I think I've had multiple dreams set there)...and I was with a bunch of people...the room goes red like in Doom 3 and Samara from the Ring grabs one of the girls in my party by the head and goes "I'm going to get you for molesting me!" which meant...grabbing her boobies in the anime cliche (where girls grab each other to compare whose boobs are bigger) way.

Anyhoo... I wake up all groggy and head out to meet my Mom...we go to Ikea and grab a bunch of stuff for the family...run to Costco to pick up a few things...and then rush home to change to take Justin to his NBC pilot audition..

Mind you, I'm running on like 5 hours sleep because I was up late watching Bourne Identity (which was AWESOME)...and was just running on fumes... we take the train and I run lines with Justin...who really needs more work...anyways ..we get to NBC casting and before you know it...he's done. Meanwhile, they are showing a feed of the SNL rehearsal in the background...and I see Cameron Diaz and Parnell, Dratch, and Rudolph.

Then..we go to wait for the elevator...and guess who waits with us... Rachel Dratch, Maya Rudolph and...TINA FEY. I'm trying to keep my cool and I smile at Dratch...and she smiles back and then I'm thinking "I LOVE YOU TINA FEY!" but I don't say anything...and I'm right behind Maya Rudolph and I don't say a word...(they all were short...and looked pretty terrible without make up...but nonetheless)we are guest, visitors...must keep a professional air.

Of course, the first thing we do is all freak out and call people telling them what we just did... what dorks.

Next...we look around Kinokuniya...nothing really there...then walked to Times Square to try to get lottery tickets for Wicked...we don't...

So we walk around and end up at the Times Square Center...which of course there is no way we could afford to eat there...so we decide to walk back and try to find the cajun place I ate at once... nothing...but we head back and run into it on 48th and 8th... Delta Grill. Have some good food... and take the train home. WHEW. What a day.

Exhausted...have unbuilt Ikea furniture...but decide to wathc Survivor first... STEPH! The ONLY one left for Ulong and she deserves it... she's all alone...and she had to eat balut! Poor Bobby Jon...but heck... no one beats my baby. You go, Steph!

Anyhooo...I'm going to go watch Bourne Supremacy now... I'm beat.

Day four was nuts.

adventures in unemployment...
Wednesday, April 6, 2005 09:09 p.m.

Not much going on...but I finally went outside and it was gorgeous...wow...70 degrees and sunny. Just great. Ran some errands--dropped off dry cleaning, went to bank, checked out B&N to see if they were hiring...etc. Oh, finally got to see TROY...pretty good...but definitely some questionable (corny) moments.

Justin has another audition. It's for an NBC pilot and we get to go to Rockefeller Plaza tomorrow to check it out. Pretty sweet. I just wish he took this a little more seriously... he really needs acting lessons or just to get some experience in plays or something...

Chris took Justin, Nina, Kel, Fred to see Maroon 5 tonight...and the Donnas...eh...I hope they have a good time...I'd only want to go to see Tori pound the skins...she's hot.

Crazy stuff going on lately...the Pope, Peter Jennings, all this insane stuff...

Even weirder still...my grandparents can't use their toilet because water was leaking from upstairs...like Chinese Water Torture...right above their can! Turns out the old Chinese lady upstairs died about two months ago...and they didn't have all the keys for her apartment and couldn't get in to check on what was going on..but the super climbed in through the window and found the bathtub overflowing? Scary...like J-horror scary...but I think it's ok now.

Other than that...need to get some emails and letters out... got to get a move on. Lots of friends want to get together...but I lack the fundage! (but I sure have the time...)

Praying for you Jen...and Grace... I don't know what's going on...but lots of insanity...is this a "mercury in retrograde" thing? Phooey.

Poor Boone...thought it was going to be Jack or Sayid...hmmm. And Locke gets shot later?

Day three was good... day four coming up...wonder when I'll stop numbering? Oh, right...when I get a job!

Hang in there, kids.

you must be kidding me...
Tuesday, April 5, 2005 10:45 p.m.

I haven't taken a sick day in months...and on day 2 of "Project Abe-y Freedom" ...my throat feels like it is on fire. ARRGH! I don't know if it's allergies or if I'm getting ill...but it hurts to swallow...and it's just super-annoying. wah.

Not much else today... got up at 1030...had breakfast...watched some daytime tv...was going to do some work (ie. job search) ...but the allergy meds knocked me out.

Got up and the family was over for my dad's bday. We had noodles and cake... I played some Doom 3 and watched more Arrested.

Emails from Lisa, Ciara, and Sean are a good distraction...the world moves on without me...

I just don't want to get complacent and not care. I need to find a job and soon...and I need to get a move on! Still loads of things I want to accomplish before I head back into the world of the employed.

I think it was yesterday...but the Boy Meets World episode was the one where the dad quit...and he ended up getting his own business! So...maybe that's a sign (you all know how much I love that show) that things will be ok and better than I imagined...eh, we'll see.

Day three coming up...gosh...I hope I feel better.

Day 1!
Monday, April 4, 2005 10:21 p.m.

Well, my sleep schedule is already off...I can tell you that much...stayed up until 4am to watch anime and putter around. Had soem very odd dreams...but can't remember much... Got up today at around 1 and went out to run some errands.

Went to Blockbuster and traded in some dvds fro credit...and went to 2 Best Buys to pick up Doom 3... I thought it was out tomorrow...oh, well.

Got some groceries and made an amazing Thai chicken curry...watches some Arrested with Chris (yeah, he's hooked now...he's watched almost all of season one in like 3 days..) and played some Doom 3.

Dang...that game is supercreepy...lots of monsters, zombies, demons that just pop up out of nowhere to attack you...and then there is the scariest part... sometimes when you clear out a room or just enter one...you hear like scary laughter...or the room goes all red and these pentagrams and flames and smoke appear...and then demons are summoned to come kick your arse...but with the handy shotgun...you make short work of them... *SPLAT.

Anyhooo...folks came over and loved my curry...didn't need to babysit Justin since he went to our cousin's place after school...and he's big now. :(

Poor Illini...UNC won the NCAA..."the big dance" and "Cinderella"...all that.

Other than that...more cleaning up...some working out...and more anime. Need to start writing some spec letters tomorrow to some colleges...and then...not sure what happens next.

Day 2 coming up...wow the day just flew by. Wonder what tomorrow brings...

Sweet taste...of freedom.
Monday, April 4, 2005 12:01 a.m.

While all of you suckers are getting ready for bed... get to stay up late and watch anime! Tomorrow will be my first work day ...where I don't have to work! I've got lots of things on my agenda...and I actually have time to do it all. Anyways...just a quick recap:

Not much besides sleeping in, cleaning up, watching tv and kicking back...sigh...that's the life. Went home to spend some time with the folks and Justin...and just ate too much. My mom actually enjoyed "Shaun of the Dead"...which I think is great...my dad slept through it...heck, he slept through Star Wars..in the theater. He's a log.

Dita has been coming up again and again! She was in this Brit magazine that I found in the laundry room...and just randomly...how weird! Past few days ahve just been Dita filled.

Can't really say much...but let's just say that anxiety runs in my family...and you all know about my well-publicized neuroses... it's all in these pages. But how do we overcome it as a family? It's hard not to worry and to not toss and turn (yup, all of mine are documented here)...and the social anxiety and all that jumble we carry around...so hard to break free.

One thing I remember from 5th grade... one day I decided...you know what, I want to be cool. I'm sick of being a nerd, about being the tallest kid in the class, about sticking out and not being popular...so I picked out a "cool" outfit that consisted of this weird jacket, my gradnpa's Aviators, fingerless gloves, and these dark jeans... and that was that...and what do you know...it WORKED...from then on...I had loads more friends...went on my first dates in 6th grade...and was just more comfortable around people...I actually felt like I was "liked."...and all the way through high school...I never felt like people didn't like me...or that I didn't have enough friends.

All it took was a change of attitude and being proactive...that ONE day...that one moment (and one dorky outfit)...really changed things.

So what have I learned? One moment in time...can just turn everything around for the better. So, I've been sick of all the crap that's been slung in these past 3 years... I'm sick of it. I want a new dorky outfit...I want to be COOL.

So, this is teh 5th grade Abe trying to make a huge change again. April 2005...that's when I want to look back and say...I made a huge change then...and things got BETTER.

This is all very-Oprah/Dr. Phil...but hey, whatever gets you through right?

I'm going to go watch some anime...sweet dreams. Enjoy work, suckers!