Friday
Saturday, September 1, 2007 01:32 a.m.

Last half day Friday and it was pretty frantic...got lots of paperwork, emails, boxes packed and done...and then it was out to meet with Justin for his audition.

But I found a Wii for him at Best Buy...so we bought that and a few games...some problems with ringing up stuff...ugh. And then over to audition...

The thing that pissed me off was that after everything I did for him...I needed to get something to eat...and it would have taken 10 minutes to sit down...but he looked at the time and rolled his eyes...because he wanted to go to a BBQ.

I know he's still a kid and all...but after all I went through and did...he couldn't take 10 minutes to have lunch with his big brother? Just made me feel like crap. I sat on the train and ate my stupid cheeseburger after he left...and felt like utter...well, you know.

So I just came home in a foul mood and took a nap...just had a very stressful and busy week...and next week looks to be worse...all of September...it's a good kind of stress...but it is still stress and my nerves are shot...and I'm just physically tired from not resting enough and thinking too much about work and what I need to do.

Just made me really sad today...that yes, he's growing up and wants to spend time with his friends and all...but I feel like I keep losing people to other things...other people, circumstances, distance, work situations, etc...and I just feel like I am being left in the dust.

A certain one of my friends hasn't returned any of my phone calls all week...ahem.

And other of my friends...well, it can't be helped....but I just feel like I'm not on anyone's "A list" anymore.

And August is over...so I'm ready for the fall and ready for my luck to change. It's all been build up for something...and I'm ready for something good.

Number one on the wish list would be to not feel so lonely anymore. And a close second...is to have all this stuff at work start paying off.

I am just exhausted and I'm ready to sleep and just forget about everything.

I know I shouldn't ...but I'm just gonna buy a ton of crap because it makes me feel better and gives me something to look forward to. Should really save money...but that can come later.

Sleep...you and I need some quality time together, my friend.

business... and pleasure
Friday, August 31, 2007 12:21 a.m.

Dang...busy. Didn't think I would be...but more of the same and lots of stuff I need to get to...but all in all...good stuff.

Met up with KB for like 10 minutes for lunch...and the girl my boss thinks has a crush on me...looked supercute today and came and chatted for awhile.

Went to friend's husband's restaurant...really nice place. decent food. *unfortunately...they did not hook us up with anything special. But, I came dressed in my little three piece suit (like a dorky boy playing grown up) and met up with Eunice, Cindy, Cindy, Michele, and Victoria....had a good meal and did my little pitch...seems like there are some really solid possibilities especially with M and C's companies/contacts. We'll see if they are as awesome as I think they could be.

So beat...more to talk about...but I won't...just tired.

Justin has an audition tomorrow...so he's coming out to the city...and tomorrow is my last half day Friday...back to the real world...and hopefully some semblance of normality.

TGIF! I'm "serial".

why am I so tired?
Wednesday, August 29, 2007 10:16 p.m.

seriously...I am exhausted.

More of the same at work. Packing boxes, phone calls, emails.

Went to get comics with my friend from licensing...

After work...went home with MT and IB...and we stopped in at the high-end choco store across the way...and a supercute girl was at the hot choco bar...I think she was Filipina....and she had a crazy cute wonky tooth...sigh. I may need to go back there just to talk to her.

Other than that...home, ate, some tv...getting ready for business dinner tomorrow...and man, the week is almost over. Insane.

I know my luck is gonna turn around and soon...I can feel it in the air....something amazing is going to happen very soon. I just...get a sense that I am on the verge of something great...what it is...I have no idea. But it's out there...Awesomeness awaits.

more celebs?
Tuesday, August 28, 2007 08:37 p.m.

Work was pretty intense again. Just a lot of paperwork, packing up boxes, writing up proposals, making contacts with people, getting stuff underway for other things. Just a lot on my plate I have to deal with on a daily basis...and it is just all over the place.

Went to lunch with MT and JZ...went to get German food which wasn't that great...and I guess they are kinda bitter and what not...but I still love this job...and it made me tense to hear about their bad experiences...strange.

Met Chef Morimoto...shook his hand while he was signing literally 1,000 books. He was like "OW! hahahah!" ...those hands are precious.

More work, emails, etc...walking home with my dude friend...and we saw Jim Jarmusch just chilling on a stoop on his cell phone.

Home, ate, too tired to work out...getting stuff ready for tomorrow and the day after...just a ton of stuff...I'm starting to feel a little overwhelmed...but I am still managing.

Hoping to start closing some deals in the next few weeks. Meeting up with friends for drinks and such...and hope to meet up with Glo for drinks and for business lunch! Cool...we can actually do something awesome...hmmm...

Anyways, lots on my mind...T texted me at 9...and she still hadn't slept...what is wrong with this girl? Poor thing...gaaaah. I need to figure out what I want...but I am keeping my options wide open.

Wow...tomorrow is Wednesday already??!??

jam packed monday
Tuesday, August 28, 2007 01:16 a.m.

Went to work and it was gogogo right away. Documents, emails, packages, follow-ups. Dang.

Lunch with KB...she has such a funny turn of phrase that I like. I really enjoy hanging out with her. We ate and went to a weird little park to sit and talk a little. I don't want to read into much...but she asked me to see a movie...but I had plans...hmmm. Not sure what that is about.

After work went to meet with my friend from Heroes. He looks good and sounds like he is having the time of his life. We caught up...he told me about the movies he has lined up and what he is going to do the second season. Wants me to go to LA to hang out...good to see him and catch up. We got burgers and talked some more. Wow...what a life. We were both the "weird kids" back when we went to church in Boston together...and I think we turned out ok.

Left and hung out with T...went to meet her at the mall where she was buying some girlie stuff. Sat with her at Japanese place...and she got me some ice cream. She cracks me up sometimes. And when she is feeling ok...her smile is just infectious. Went over to change her guitar strings and we hung out for a bit. She showed me her weird cat litter machine too. So goofy and fun. Dang. I could really fall for this girl. I even asked her to go to London to hang out while I was there for work...she might actually go. Strange...do I need to say something to her? I know the timing is all wrong...but I need to get a move on and soon. Don't want to waste my life away and not act...

Home late...oh...and Morimoto was in the office and I missed him! He should be back tomorrow...and outside of the office...ran into Famke Jansen...she is SOOOO TALL...and much, much better looking in real life.

Dang...what a day.

Sunday
Sunday, August 26, 2007 10:38 p.m.

Got enough sleep...cleaned, laundry, worked out, got groceries, and bought some DVD shelves from the neighbor upstairs that posted in the laundry room.

Got two skinny Ikea shelves for 20 bucks...not bad...but they don't hold all that much. I have to do some major throwing away of stuff come Labor Day...I got lots of stuff that I can do without. Why do I like holding onto magazines for years and years? Best start sifting though crap and jettisoning it.

Watched "Dreamgirls" and had myself a gay afternoon of completely LOVING IT...dang...Beyonce has a shapely booty...and Jennifer Hudson can holler...dang! And watched "The Dark Crystal"...yeah...not as good as I remembered...but brought back some memories.

Justin came over and I helped him fix up his hair. He's gotten so big...I can't believe my baby is such a big kid now. And he's going to be a senior in high school? My mind is just blown.

Meeting with my friend who is on "Heroes" tomorrow...or trying to...considering his schedule...not to mention my crazy schedule this week. My goodness...I have so much to do...I don't know how I am going to be able to keep up with all these accounts. I guess I'm just going to have to close my door and just bear down and power through everything. Oy...it's going to be A LOT!!!

Anyways, busy is better than bored and lonely...ok...last week of August...I'm expecting things to get insanely awesome in September. Ya hear me? INSANELY AWESOME.

I'm expecting nothing less.

nobody's FOOL
Sunday, August 26, 2007 01:18 a.m.

Saturday...wow...the day just drags on when I'm not at work. Had a pretty productive day though. Dad and grandma and ma came over for a bit...I made my mom watch "Henry Fool" before I did and she loved it...she said I would too.

Anyways, worked out, cleaned up majorly, and just putzed around...watched the end of "Dr. Strange"...watched "Zoom"...and then watched "Henry Fool"...

I've been wanting to see this movie since it came out. Ever since I went to the Hal Hartley mini-fest in London when I saw the end of "Trust" and "Flirt"...and the fact that Parker Posey was in it...anyways, I LOVED it...bizarre black comedy and poetry was the focuse...Parker Posey was great in it too...and now I ordered "Fay Grim"...whoever heard of indie movie sequels? I can think of Linklater and Wong Kar-Wai...hmmm...I guess there are more than I thought...anyways...I am retreating into my nerd cocoon...

And yet...I replied back to CCW...I just never got a chance to send it out...and I did today. I guess I wanted to give it some time...but now that it's out there...who knows if she is going to read it...but it is out of my hands now. What a mess. I am so sad about that.

And it is E's bday now...it's been 5 years since I've seen her...and the way my past keeps repeating...I wouldn't be surprised if I ran into her. If I was honest with myself...of all the girls I've had in my life...I think I loved her the most...or at least it was the closest thing to love that I've known.

I just hate having to think about this crap. Waiting for some good news for once.

My friend who is on a very succesful tv show is going to be in town...wonder if we will have a chance to meet up...it's been too long.

Anyways...Sunday and a very long and busy work week coming up. September is going to be NUTS...but at least I'll be traveling and I hope that the universe will be kind and that the end of my problems (or a brief respite) is in my path soon.

South Park and sleep and prepping for work...yeesh.

Friday
Saturday, August 25, 2007 12:15 a.m.

Work day went by quick. A lot of boxes packed, ordering stuff, emails, and then it was done.

Went over to see Eunice and hung out at her office for a bit. Then got some street meat and had lunch with her. Caught up a bit...and it was good to see her as always.

Hung out and got some random stuff in Times Square Virgin Mega...got this Metallica 3D album cover thing, got a Grindhouse messanger bag, got some dvds, and t-shirt for Justin.

Made some phone calls in the park and this strange guy in a Deadwood shirt was pacing back and forth. He walked right up to me and didn't say anything...and did it again...needless to say I got out of there.

Got Vicks and went to AMC...which turns out they don't take movie cash...so went to 23rd...and got burgers and cupcakes and then Simpsons....dang...that movie was HILARIOUS...I cannot wait to get it on dvd and watch it again. LOVED it...Homer with the finger, Bart's "doodle", Ralph singing the 20th Century Fox theme,...and the pig...just awesome. Loved it.

T texted me...but I was too tired to hang out...and I am kinda sad...part of me still wonders what it would be like if something happened...but then I know I don't have the time or effort to invest in something else so complicated.

I'm alone. I get it. I just need to wait it out and see what ends up in my path. I have no idea what it could be...but I need to move on...

I'm just tired...but I want so badly for someone to take care of me and cheer me on when other things are going so well.

Yeah...TGIF.

work
Thursday, August 23, 2007 10:41 p.m.

Goodness...just sped through the day...exhausting...packing boxes, emails, phone calls, opening accounts, and the sexual harrassment seminar (huhhuhu...they taught me the way to do it...)

HILARIOUS video with bad jokes, bad acting, bad haircuts (fake joke about "head"...a guy who hugs too much...a girl who gets compliments on the UGLIEST ASIAN BOWL CUT EVER)...sheesh...too much.

Might be a good chance that I can work with Glo and her company! Surprising...but I think what they do is something right up our alley. Incredible. My boss ok'ed lunch meeting with her and her editor...and I sent box of samples.

Lunch with SH...she is definitely cool and has such a sad relationship history...really sad...one of the worst! But she has a new guy for the past few years and she seems happy. Gave me some hope...and Indian food was decent.

Simpsons movie with V tomorrow...might see T too...not sure...rest of the weekend is just...sleep and dvds and working out I suppose... man, downtime...but I'm still waiting for my gift from the universe...supposed to be soon. Hmmmph. I'll be surprised if I see it...but at least the summer is winding down.

Half day tomorrow...woot. And I can sleep in a little? Like 10 mins? Maybe? Sigh...

Mythbusters...Kari...so hot and kinda goth...and last episode...a bit of a cowgirl...YOWZA...and big hoop earrings and a redhead...sigh...she's my dream girl.

I LOVE the Dunkin' commercial with Ace Frehley. He's standing on top of a board room table and this suit goes "What about the P&L statement?"...and then he goes "Ahhhl ggggiiiihhh yaaaaa daaaa peeeeNNNNeeeelll staaaadeeemmmenn!" and proceeds to rock out....and SPARKS FLY OUT OF HIS GUITAR...goodness...just...AWESOME. Am I the only person that finds this utterly hilarious and the best way to wake up? (It's usually on in the morning when I turn on NY1.)

TGIF kids.

blaargh.
Wednesday, August 22, 2007 09:48 p.m.

Insanely busy day of just running around, packing lots of samples, emails and phone calls...and meetings...and and...my boss actually had a negative comment...that kinda wasn't...which was resolved at the end...I still think I'm right...and I think he was just testing me to make sure I'm not going "the easy" way. EH...results are results.... and I should be following his lead.

Comics...got my microSD card which is AWESOME...and just putzing around...

Honestly, I just feel kind of numb and tired...I just don't care about much of anything...outside of work that is.

Speaking of which I'm going to Cleveland at the end of September...my dream project...closer and closer!!!

Also took train ride home with my work buddy I...and going to lend some tpbs to my friend in licensing...

I'm just looking forward to the weekend so I can sleep...isn't that sad?

Check out FLICKR page for new pics of the event, etc...

meh...
Tuesday, August 21, 2007 10:21 p.m.

Kinda chilly today...and rainy...bleccch. Work was work...lots of paperwork...phone calls and emails.

Lunch with the head of the travel division...some really good ideas that I hope will pan out. I cannot wait to go to London now...but I got a month or so to work that out.

My boss thinks that this girl at work likes me...and she stops in and gets candy from me and chats...did it twice today. She's the one that Justin had a crush on...hahahah...eh...I'm in a weird place right now.

Got a bunch of dvds and cds...and came home a little early so I could have dinner with my grandma from Canada...found out that my cousin went to Scotland and GOT MARRIED...whoah...I just heard he got engaged not too long ago...that's crazy...well, congrats...J! Can't wait to meet the wife...

Brought my dad some dvds from our company...he loved it. Anything to do with fish and he gets insanely excited. Pretty funny that.

Home...and I think I am going to plunge into my nerdbliss mode...where I just fill up on the dvd, cd, comic book, clothes, etc...where I just buy stuff to make me forget that I have no one to like any more...and of course throwing myself into work...sigh.

It's going to have to be like this for a while...unless someone really surprises the heck outta me...because I don't see anything happening on the horizon.

More work to come...and more...and more.

VIP...meow
Tuesday, August 21, 2007 12:02 a.m.

Oh man...what a day. I was on the phone, emailing, packing up boxes, just doing everything...and then I went to meet my old co-worker for lunch down by Wall Street.

Had lunch...talked a bit and showed her the wares. Good to have gone out...and her bosses loved it...so it might actually work out.

Went to Union Square for the MeowMix function...which ended up being AWESOME! They had cat car, orange carpet, cheerleaders (cute), marching band, cat costume person....awesome food and drinks...and lots of crazy "cat" stuff.

Famous people...Amazing Kreskin? Strange...then I got to meet Vincent Pastore "Big Pussy"...got a pic with him...then I saw CariDee !!!! and Rachel Hunter...took a pic with RH ...and took a pic in the vicinity of CD...sad...didn't get to meet her.

Kat de Luna performed...and she was actually pretty good and quite cute. T had a good time and we took some goofy booth pics, got free cat food for her cats, and goody bags of weird MM stuff...

But most importantly...I realized...I don't think she is for me. I mean...as if things weren't complicated enough...I think she is gorgeous and goofy and ambitious...but I don't think there could be that charge I am looking for. We just are too different...I know that I want to be a good friend to her...and I know she has such a good heart...but I want to be mature and really know that this isn't the path to travel down. I think this is for the best. I love her deeply...but not in that way. But you never know....gosh...I am a moron.

Talked to the people that did the MM book with us...and I think there might be more stuff down the pipe. Good to know that I can work and socialize...but yeah...I gotta watch the booze...that's when I talk too much and get all babbly.

Sigh...yeah...so I'm at this weird place where I just need to throw myself into work and be ok...being alone...not "thinking about someone"...and just...being. Maybe this is when the unexpected can finally happen. I dunno.

I just want to work on making myself that much more awesome...and I had a great time tonight...it was kinda neat rubbing elbows with famous people...even in such a weird environment...but it was fun...and I learned that kittens are frakkin' cute.

Tuesday...here I come.

Weekend.
Sunday, August 19, 2007 11:02 p.m.

Not too much happened. I napped a lot. Worked out...watched movies.

Got up waaaay too early. Watched "Monster Squad" and most of the "Dr. Strange" movie...both were pretty awesome..."Wolfman's got nards!"

Took a nap and then got up and out to the city to meet with Grace for dinner...I can't believe she is leaving NY already...sigh. Well, hopefully I'll see her when she visits throughout the year...I'm gonna marry her in 2015 anyways.

Was going to visit T...but her other ex was over...so yeah...that would make things awkward...and all in all...I think things are just too strange...and I need to move on...more on that later.

Weirdest thing...the B train was rolling into the station...which it shouldn't...I got on anyways...and across from me..this girl...pretty cute...but then...wait a second...it was my prom date.

I got her number and gave her my card. She's doing her PhD up at Columbia...we are supposed to get in touch soon...wow...15 years plus! She looks different...but dang...still looks good.

Anyways, I think I need to start dating again. And if that means just getting online and getting out there and being in the mix...then so be it. I am so tired of being in weird situations that I feel trapped in...I just need to get out and find myself again. So I meet some more psychos...so I meet someone once and that's it...so what. I'm tired of stewing in my own juices. I have a great job, some extra cash, and I need to build my confidence up again.

Forget the rest. I need to start making myself feel better and not so alone and pathetic. Screw that.

Ok...I'm ready. Let the madness begin. I'll deal.

yarp.
Friday, August 17, 2007 11:52 p.m.

Work just flew by today. I sent some mock-ups (that looked amazing) to one of the clients I really want to work with...and then more stuff to ship out. Made plans for business lunch on Monday...and other contacts. Jam packed day.

Went shopping like crazy. Got cds, dvds, clothes, comics...dang pretty much everything I like. Anyways...was in the area and went to my old OLD work place to see Em...wow...she looks gorgeous now! She's getting married in three weeks! AND she just got promoted...wow...I can't believe it's been years since I met her...(and when she first saw me she was like "OMG!You look so skinny!"...nice.) went in to the office to see some old coworkers...very strange. I didn't have the best experience there...but it wasn't the worst...and my old boss...ugh...still not the nicest person. Other people were really glad to see me...but I think publishing people are just crazy in general.

Was going to hang out with T...but I wasn't feeling so hot...and she was too tired and had to go to work early.

Came home...ate a lot...spoiled myself really...worked out...and watched 300...which was pretty dang good...even if one of the scenes totally ripped off "Hero"...

Watched "Hot Fuzz" also which I LOVED...but "Shaun..." was better...so many awesome cameos from Brit stars in the movie...pretty dang awesome...must look up the Wiki to see what I missed.

Yeah...I feel a little better. But I still feel weird. So much good....and so much crap at once. I want things to be a little more even keeled...seriously.

I just need to get through August...September is when things turn around and the awesomeness unfolds. I cannot wait.

Chilling out tomorrow. More movies, grocery shopping, cleaning up...working out. Good day to relax and get back some sanity. Next week is super busy too...dang. It's gonna be like this for a while.

stress...good and bad...
Thursday, August 16, 2007 11:27 p.m.

Woke up with a bad nightmare. Dreamt that my baby was in some WWII movie and he got shot. He screamed "I don't want anyone else to die!" (something an anime character would say) and he shot at a bad guy and got shot...really crappy way to wake up.

Work was awesome. Made some good connections with a major magazine...and it looks like we will be meeting in a few weeks. All the seeds I am planting...seem like they have some potential.

Lunch with the boss and a co-worker at Yama...not bad...then went back and did some more work...strange pitch for a project...but will give it a shot.

Went for drinks and snacks with a co-worker...NE...she is awesome. Married too! hahah! but we seem to really get each other and she's fun to be around. Had a good time and got her some ice cream.

Poor Romana...her cat died...what the crap...such a lousy summer and all this stuff happens. I am so sorry, hon.

Came home...talked to D for a while. I've been feeling crappy.....and well, she thinks I am in too deep with T and I need to tell her how I feel or I am not being a good friend...but honestly...I still think I have some time...and I'm not at the point of no return. I can still be just a friend to her...and maybe later...when I am in my right headspace...we'll see.

Half day tomorrow...gonna get some comics and maybe see T...no one wants to see Simpsons with me? :(

Sigh...but I did get a 5K PER MONTH limit on my corporate card...was gonna be 10...but dang...I was like are joo crazy bossman?!?!? And he brought it down to 5...hahah.

What a nutty week...and I just gotta throw myself into work and plow through...I'm so tired of being lonely...but what can I do?

I think part of the problem is my dichotomy...around my close friends I let my guard down and I bitch and moan and whine and blaaaah...but when I am at work or when I perform...or when I am around new people...damn...I am one charming SOB...and I'm so stupid because my close friends never get that...but who else can I just not be "on" around? Man, maybe I need to bring out my inner "Ari Gold" all the time...and oh yeah...blogreaders get my inner wuss constantly...shame.

I am seriously screwed up in the head...all over the place.

Ok...chin up, young man...you'll get through this.

TGIF...Lord, I need Your help more and more. Humbled...and desperate for something real.

yanks
Wednesday, August 15, 2007 08:41 p.m.

Tuesday: Oh man...work was going pretty well. Some good contacts, meetings set up, etc. Then the last minute gig...well, I got a free drink...but then 3 of the comedians cancelled and 1 musician...and then the audience started leaving...and well...show cancelled! Never doing that again!

Weds: So tired...conference call with a HUUUUGE company that might want to start up a publishing relationship with us...so it looks like we are going to DC to meet with a bunch of potential clients and such. Wow.

Yankee game...got to talk to a bunch of coworkers and had beer and hot dog... Yanks were losing then tied in the 9th...then lost in the 10th...went for more beer after...but I was just sun stroked and dehydrated...crazy.

T called and wanted to have dinner...but I was home by then...and well, we talked for a good while...and it did seem like she didn't want me to get off the phone...and she laughed and giggled a little...so cute. Maybe? Am I dreaming? Or is she just lonely...what's going on?

In any case...I am just so exhausted...work and then more drinking with coworkers after...yeesh.

rough day...
Monday, August 13, 2007 09:50 p.m.

Yeah...barely got any sleep...like maybe 3 hours at most. Just exhausted...got up at 6 and was at work at 8... framed my JLA poster and tried to carry on as a normal day...but it just felt so crappy...I feel like I lost a friend over something stupid...and it wasn't that...it was like I was losing a friend all this time...and I came to the realization that there was nothing left to salvage.

I really didn't expect such a dramatic reaction to something that everyone thought was cute and light...I just don't get it...and it bugs me. But I have to move on.

Some really good stuff at work...making progress in my delirious state...but still. When I get a good night's rest and get back at it tomorrow...watch out. I'm dangerous.

T called and I had to cancel on dinner...but it was cute. It was like she didn't want to let me get off the phone for a bit...maybe I'm reading into things...but she went to the last memorial...and maybe she can start coming out of this slowly...of course...I can't really do anything but just be there for her as a friend...the other stuff...well..that's waaay off in the distance. Isn't it?

Home, rehearsed for last minute show tomorrow...and finally got 300...I don't know when I will get a chance to actually watch it...but the helmet is awesome and was worth the wait.

Almost cancelled on the show...but I need to get out there an exorcise some demons. I hope I'm up to it...didn't really get a chance to practice much...but whatever.

Sad, sad news...one of my fave comic artists...Mike Wieringo died suddenly. He was in his mid-40s, a vegetarian, worked out...and he had a sudden heart attack. I just found out a second ago from the comic website I always look at...and I got chills. So sad...I was just commenting on a new book that my company made...and I was like..."that looks like Wieringo art." He drew awesome FF, Spider-man, Impulse, and of course...the Flash. I'm going to miss seeing his art.

One of the stories he drew in FF not too long ago was about how the FF went to "heaven" and God was an artist that happened to look like Jack Kirby. What a fitting tribute...now it's time for someone to do the same for Ringo! ...Wow, man...you were awesome.

Anyways...I'm exhausted...long week...emotionally drained and in desperate need for someone to take care of me, to care about me, and to think I am awesome.

One is the loneliest number...bah.

door closed.
Sunday, August 12, 2007 10:10 p.m.

Yeah...that pretty much says it all.

Don't want to talk about it...but at least I tried.

Time to move on.

More weekend stuff...
Sunday, August 12, 2007 09:45 p.m.

Got an early call to go to sushi buffet with the family...went, stuffed...then went to Ikea for a frame for a poster for my office...hmmm...I probably could have put that on the card...oh well.

Home...worked out...watched "She's The Man"...and it was GREAT! It was seriously a very enjoyable movie. I could not believe it.

Anyways... going to be an early night for me...pretty pooped...and it looks like I might be playing a show on Tuesday afterall...waiting for the final details...but we'll see what happens.

And no word from CCW...man...I can see her being clever and sending something back to me in the mail...I can see her just being silent...or I can see her emailing me NO at like 4 AM...gaaah...I am just being idiotic...why don't I leave well enough alone?

Anyways, crazy busy week...lots of stuff to talk about with clients and lots to ship out. We'll see where everything goes. Almost mid-August...thank God the summer is nearing an end...it's almost over right?!?!?

Hope you had a good weekend, kids. Things are getting better....at least I think they are? I've never really been an optimist...but I can change, right?

Weekend
Sunday, August 12, 2007 12:25 a.m.

Didn't really do much besides sleep and watch movies... "The Fountain" was beautiful...but confusing...almost done with "Black Snake Moan"...which is strange and uncomfortable to watch...

Worked out...family came over...the kids came with Popeye's...so it was fun for the most part.

Still no word from CCW...I may not hear from her...and if I do...it might just be more bad news. Ugh...what was I thinking? I'm sure she got the thing in the mail today at the latest...maybe it got lost because of the flooding...ugh...who knows. Why do I do this to myself?

Oh...watched "Ichi the Killer" last night...wow...that movie is INSANE...I kinda liked it...but kinda really hated it too. Very intense and disturbing. Still figuring that out...my poor brain!

Naps...wooo.

Family stuff and what not tomorrow. Long week of work with lots of random stuff...tired.

drinks!
Friday, August 10, 2007 10:54 a.m.

Wow...I'm not even hungover...but I didn't make it into work because my train station was shut down...and I only have a half day today anyways.

So...yesterday...work was pretty decent. Had a conference call with the marketing guy from a major car company...and it looks like my first deal is imminent. Soon!

Anyways...took care of a few things and then we went to happy hour...oh man...I am pretty good at schmoozing. Talked to co-workers...did shots...and I think that there might be 2-3 girls at work who might actually like me! So weird...could have been the booze or whatever...but I thought that a few of them were being overly flirtatious...yipes! I do not want to get into that trap again! (Speaking of which...yeah...I did it...but the waiting for a reply...or NO reply is the thing that is gonna suck. I half expect it to be silence...I half expect it to be like..."NO, you idiot!" Why do I do such stupid things? Why do I have to fight?

Anyways... I actually like our CEO a lot...I think he's misunderstood and just a little nerdy...but intense. I hung out with him a bit...and I don't think he's scary at all...he's cool.

Got torn away from the party by the little Euro girl...took the train home with her and had a good talk. I think she is also misunderstood and just has that European sensibility that some people don't get...she's a softie on the inside.

Anyways...it's still raining and I am watching GARBAGE music videos and being reminded of how hot Shirley Manson is...damn...the raccoon eye makeup is such a turn on! I wish I actually knew someone that did that...

Ok...back to work...TGIF...dang. What a week.

So...is 8/8 not a lucky day?
Wednesday, August 8, 2007 11:36 p.m.

Crap...I mailed it.

TORRENTIAL downpour last night...train station was all flooded...had to take express bus...but it took 2 hours just to get to Forest Hills and wouldn't let us off until Queens Center!

I got off, had something to eat, and bought two shirts...and then got on a bus to Williamsburg...and the L was running...took it to 14th and 6th...and had to walk the rest of the way...drenched.

Work...making connections, following up, getting stuff done. But just exhausted. Went to the company softball game...but we lost.

Had some food and beers...and talked to this one girl I was working with...she is very cool. Very witty and funny...and we seem to get along well. I noticed how funny she was in the meeting...so...cool. Had a good time.

Took train home with M...the girl with the accent...man, she reminds me of E a lot. Her height, the shape of her face, skin tone, freckles...very strange. She definitely is misunderstood...very fearless...and smart....and opinionated.

Had to take a shuttle bus homw too...man, gross day...long hot...and just ugh.

Anyways, more bad news...my friend Romana's grandfather passed away on Monday...so sad. I met him at her wedding not all that long ago. Again, I'm stuck with nothing to say except that I'm here for her...and I will keep her and her family in my prayers...I'm so tired of hearing about sad things and tragedy. Can this summer please end already?

Conference call tomorrow...lots of work needs to get done...and then happy hour...oy.

And yeah...I sent it. Let's see if it is met with something other than deafening silence. Seriously, do I really expect an answer I'm going to want to hear? I'm guessing that nothing has changed...and I'm just going to have to deal with more embarrassment and ...well, that's how things work out for me. It sucks.

But hey...my luck in this area has got to change sometime right? Blessings around the corner?

Sigh....and sigh.

I think I'm drowning...asphyxiating...
Tuesday, August 7, 2007 09:47 p.m.

Monday: Work was the same...just lots of stuff going on. Getting calls back from a big car company helped...making some other connections...and just getting lots of stuff under way.

I seem to be making a good impression at work...seems like people like me and I don't have to watch my back too closely...well, not yet.

Went out looking for a happy hour place for a co-worker who is leaving...I can't believe my boss let me do this. So hot out...but went with I, M, and J...hahah..let them remain anonymous...but I settled on this place I used to go all the time...now under new management...then we got to have lunch on the corp. card at BlueRibbon Bakery...not bad.

One of my coworkers who works in licensing gave me a box of like 100 DC comics...I was in tears...OF JOY! It was just so frakkin' awesome. I totally hugged her too.

Met up with V after work and went to MSG to catch Cold War Kids and Muse...CWK have like 3 awesome songs...and the rest kinda suck...

Muse were awesome as usual...the rockin' songs were the best of course...because they are just bombastic and huge and anthemic...but the slower ones...bleh. Some cheesy stuff...but I got to here "Time..." and "Map..." which were my faves.

Ate nasty hot dogs and knishes...and some beers...had fun with V...she's adorable but...yeah. Just leave it at that.

Tuesday: More work...getting up early is rough. Ran into a hawwwwt coworker from old company on the street...then made lots of calls and sent out mad samples...one to a major movie studio.

Then...I ran into HER again. She gave me this little wave and goofy giggle...and I just...gah...there was a time when I loved that...now it just pisses me off. ARRRGh. God, why is she here? What's the meaning of this?

Reconnecting with old friends...business opportunities...but also an excuse to catch up. I'm paid to be social now.

More work...lots more connections. I was on fire today! Ended up taking the train back with I...he's a good kid and we are like neighbors!

Almost done with HP 7...and man...it is awesome...less than 200 pages to go I think...who is reading it???

I think I am about to do something very stupid. Let's just say I WILL do it tomorrow...and well, enough about it. I've embarrassed myself plenty. I'm going to leave it off the blog for once...but yeah...I need to do it...just to say I tried.

I'm still waiting for the universe to shine some good fortune on me....soon?

Lord...I need some support here. Stress...things are good at work.....but outside...I feel like the world is crushing me and I'm not sure what to do.

Sigh...just...sigh.

HOME!
Sunday, August 5, 2007 09:28 p.m.

It's kinda weird to be home...but I'm glad to be in my space again. Got up at a decent hour and packed up the last of my crap...and lugged all of it home. Weather wasn't too hot...so it was not bad at all.

Unpacked...went home to see Justin and the family...and then went to Costco to get food, Office Depot (where I used the corporate card for a 4 dollar business card holder), and some random stuff.

Cleaning up...taking care of the dog...and just getting ready for a very busy week...or 10...that's coming up.

I honestly can't wait to get to work now...because things are better there I guess. Who knows what else I gotta go through before the end of the summer...all I know is a lot of this crap...I just want over and done with...

So...I may or may not be playing next Tuesday...and even if I don't...I'm getting a little itchy. I feel like I need to play sooner or later.

Anyhoo...back to the routine...losing an hour of sleep being in Queens...but at least it's home.

Friday and Saturday
Sunday, August 5, 2007 12:54 a.m.

Eunice came over for a bit...and then we went over to Yokocho to get some food...then Ben and Jerry'[s for way too much ice cream. Man, she has been working out hard at kungfu...and she has the best abs I have ever seen...damn!

Went to the bar to have a drink...and then Eunice left after awhile...hung out for a bit...went with T and another friend to ForbiddenCity and had MORE food...really loud...hung out for a bit and met this girl who was a friend of T's ex...

Turns out the girl is an opthamologist and would give me a free exam...wow...sweet. Had a good talk...and before I knew it...closing time. Ended up taking some stuff back for T and then left at like 530. '

I told her to pay attention to milestones and how after a while...things would get easier...but every holiday and event...would have her thinking...it's going to be a long time.

Slept in until noon and then worked out for a bit longer...gotta get back on the schedule soon. Washed up and got a call from CHRISTIN...so weird...called her back at GCT and talked a little. Need to catch up with her a little more.

Went to this place called Spuitan Duyval...and Adam picked me up...went to get Joyce and then off to Indian food. had a great talk and fun with them...drank too much wine...then went back to their awesome apartment...filled with all these weird art pieces and knick-knacks...(stuff that white people like) hahahah....

Had cake, rum...and got drunk. And J just mauls A like crazy...she's a monster. HAHAH! Had a good time with them...and was glad to go up the Hudson and read some Harry Potter. Good time.

TIred...cleaning up...late night snack and Entourage...and thinking about what I should do. I may be stupid to take another risk...but I'd rather embarrass myself now and move on...then just never know.

Sigh...I'm such an idiot...but I have to work and hustle...I am so tired of being alone...of not having anyone to share my life with. I need to get out there...and just...go.

Why can't anyone see my awesome-ness and want to be a part of it...why can't I find a partner in awesome-itude?

Anyways...it's going to be a busy week...and I'm going to be going home tomorrow morning and get back to being at my real home. It was fun being in the city for so long...I learned a lot...and I was glad to have good friends who let me do it.

So, last entry before I head home. Thanks to "Donkey Kong"...hope you have a safe flight. See you soon!

Game on
Friday, August 3, 2007 03:32 p.m.

Last night: Went over to Central Park...met up with our softball team. I got to play catch and run a little bit...but the game was too tight to put me in....our team is in the playoffs...but we lost the last game of the double header...anyways...went to have drinks with folks...had BBQ and chatted...good time...and one of my coworkers put it on his corporate card...awesome.

SO TIRED...went to work...emailed, called, sent out some samples...pretty short day...came back, worked out, laundry, cleaned up...and I think I need a nap pretty soon.

Oh...and is Corey Feldman's wife like the hottest girl EVER? Dang...

Might go out later...might hang out with Joyce tomorrow...and off for my real home on Sunday...fun in the city is coming to an end...boooo.

gah...why me?
Thursday, August 2, 2007 12:55 p.m.

So...I went out with T for late dinner...and we had a great time. She seemed to be doing better...acting fine and we had some good food...and talked. Then V keeps calling trying to get me to come out. I keep telling her no...and then I don't know if she is crying or what...but apparently she was drunk and upset. But the interesting thing was...T seemed almost a little jealous...which is kinda good?

Some guys at the bar were harassing V...and she was thinking about her ex...drank too much and was on the verge of passing out. Her friend started to call me and said I needed to come get her...since she had no where else to go...sigh.

So I went to get her and brought her back to D and K's place (SORRY GUYS!!!) and she slumped on the bathroom trying to throw up...but couldn't...then she starts crying and I have to pick her up and toss her in bed. Wiped her face and gave her a bucket and some water (BAD IDEA....I'm an idiot!)

Anyways... she starts snoring away and then things are fine. She said a couple of embarassing things...but I won't repeat them...but anyways...I actually got up on time and got ready for work...not sure how I can play in the softball game after work though...

The bad news...she spilled the water.... luckily my clothes were on D's desk...so it soaked up most of it...only thing that got damaged was the box of nose strips on her desk...strips intact...box....wet.

I thought things were ok...and then under my clothes...I see the laptop! NOOoOOoOOO!!!!

It wasn't wet...but the bottom was a little damp...didn't look like it was damaged...but why won't it power up? Was it not charged??? Anyways...D....I'll buy you a new one if it is busted.

I am so sorry about this...but she had nowhere else to go that was safe...and ugh...I dunno. At least no puke.

GRRRR!!!! So tired...so much work to do...and then company softball game??? Dang it.