woooo
Wednesday, August 1, 2007 09:59 p.m.

I'll have to archive later...but finally made it to August! Work was pretty good today...had a decent meeting...and then I checked my voicemail and a major car company is interested in working with us. Too awesome.

Got lots of ideas for projects from the meeting too...went around and got some materials and talked to coworkers about stuff.

Might play in the company softball game tomorrow...we'll see...but the big news...I finally got my business card. I am official and professional now...whew.

Boss seems pretty happy...and I got lots of irons in the fire that could strike any day...lots and lots of follow-up and work to do...but it's good.

V called me up to hang out with her and her friends...I talked to one of her friends on the phone actually...pretty funny. She said she loved nerds.

Anyways, T was going to come up to go to a party with her sis and best friend...and she asked me to go with her...but turns out they left...so we are just going to have a late dinner...man, I am starving...eh...we'll see what's what.

Heading downstairs soon...

Sex and drinks...at work?
Tuesday, July 31, 2007 10:03 p.m.

Launch was today...so lots of new products...pretty cool stuff. Then I took a break and went to Best Buy to see if I could get 300 with the awesome little helmet...SOLD OUT...so I ordered it to be picked up at the other one...

Anyways... lots of stuff happened. I called my friend K who works at Dell...and it turns out she is in marketing...so I can totally pitch ideas to her to see if we can do business. It was good catching up with her...and I am going to send her a ton of baby books. Good stuff.

Then...the interesting part. I had my meeting with our new sex authors...very famous...let's just call them "E & L"...duh. Anyways...pitched my idea and they loved it...and hopefully loved me too. We talked for a good while and I need to follow up with them tomorrow. Very, very exciting.

They did their little intro thing for everyone and they showed a DVD with clips that was HILARIOUS (and uncomfortable)...the CEO came up to me and was like "this beats working on textbooks, huh?" awesome...talked to them a little more and got my thoughts ready for the follow up tomorrow.

Went to pick up 300...NOT THERE...so I called Best Buy and they are shipping it...went to Chinatown before and got a short, short hair cut...pretty cute I think...

Home...ate some junky Chinese food and just watched tv...

Last night...I had a minor freakout though. I was feeling so weird and depressed...almost on the verge of tears...I kept thinking to myself that...even if all this awesome stuff at work is happening...none of it means anything because I don't have anyone to share it with...I don't really have anyone really cheering me on and in my corner...I don't have anyone to be excited for me...and that really hurts.

The minute I step outside of work...it kind of hits me that I am on my own...that I don't have anyone to go home to and tell them about my awesome day (well, except for you, trusty blog!)...and it pains me to think that my past is just lingering...even the recent past.

I want more than anything to have someone be proud of me...to just be so excited that my life is finally going somewhere...that I am doing something exciting and that I am surprisingly (so far) pretty darn good at it.

Basically, I want someone to pat me on the ass and gimme a kiss and tell me "well done."

I know it's just a temporary lull...and I will bounce back...but honestly, I'm tired of all the bouncing. I want someone to catch me for once.

Work...and then...
Monday, July 30, 2007 06:50 p.m.

What a day...looks like one of my dream projects is getting closer and closer to being greenlit! Had a conference call today with them...and it looks like it might be a go if all things considering work out. Our UK publisher was in on the meeting and she seems to really like the idea...and me. I am adorable!

We talked about a few other projects too...and she seems ready and raring to go with some of them. Next up is the sex book...and tomorrow I get to talk to some of our famous sex authors...HAHHAH!

And then...I ran into HER. I heard her voice and I turned around. I just stuck my tongue out at her...HAHHAH! She said hi...and waited for the next elevator. Dang...HAHHAH! I am so over that crap.

Did some more research for other projects...made a bunch of follow-up calls...and basically...got ready for the next two days. No more wheeling and dealing...but launch is tomorrow and Wednesday...so learning about all the new products and such. Should be good to learn...and then...more calls, meetings, etc.

Cashed in some change...AND I WON AGAIN! I purposely overshot with lucky number $8.88...but I knew it was like 8 bucks...turns out it was $7.95...dang I am so good at estimating!

Changed...going to dinner with T in a bit...weird...haven't seen her in a few days and I kinda miss her...ugh...bad news.

UPDATE: Just got back from dinner with T...and I am so confused. We had Shabu...pinkberry...walked all the way to her place...moved her bike...and...some of it was fun...and some of it was depressing. When she makes goofy sounds and she laughs...gah...I could fall for this girl...but she was talking about how she knows who her real friends are...and who is by her side when she is going though this...and how it will take her a long time to get over this....it makes me wonder if I am getting in too deep.

But how am i supposed to distance myself when it seems like she needs me as a friend to be there for her? It is such a strange predicament...I don't want to get hurt and develop feelings...when she couldn't possibly return them...at least for a while...and maybe never. I feel stuck.

I love spending time with her when her mind isn't on tragedy...and we have a good time...and I even flirt with her...and she's like..."you better be careful that you don't say that until you really mean it"...ack...gosh...I want to say something...but I feel like I can't...

But I need to move on sooner or later. My time isn't standing still. I'm tired of being alone...and I need someone soon...but how do I do this?

Do I try again with CCW? Do I find someone completely new online? Do I go out to parties and be social? Or do I bank on T and wait until she can move on?

Someone tell me what to do.

Obviously, I am stupid...as stupid as always.

Sunday rain
Sunday, July 29, 2007 10:34 p.m.

Not much going on because of the rain. Worked out and got some food...watched "Breach"..which was excellent...and cleaned up around the house.

T cancelled...but understandable because its just such a gloomy day...Watched Rock of Love...and it was pretty hilarious. I can't wait until scripted TV is back.

Aaaand...I am desperate to make out with someone...sigh. Feeling lonely. I'm hoping the summer ends soon. Can't take the heat and the craziness anymore.

Important weel of work coming up...nervous. Gaaah...I can do this.

Saturday
Sunday, July 29, 2007 01:06 a.m.

Got up earlyish...went down for a run...then went to meet Gloria for lunch with her frined Jen...and cute dog Jack (he got so big)...some crazy beeotches were complaining about him...but had a good lunch and then just went off into the humid weather to go shopping.

Got some cds, some clothes, some comics, a poster for my office, and went home....catching up on Comic-Con news...and was so tired...passed out for a few hours.

Cindy was too tired to go to the mixer...and it was just so gross out...I didn't want to go by myself. So..stayed in...did some ironing...and getting ready to read some Harry Potter.

Quiet but good day...had me some Jamba Juice before...so things are just going on...

Sigh...just want to finish up this month strong...and get August out of the way already. I am so ready for fall.

Dinner and movie with T tomorrow? Maybe...

what a week...
Saturday, July 28, 2007 12:12 a.m.

Man, I am so glad this week is over. So tired. Stress...good and bad.

Another big company called and left me a contact name. A lot of emails and then my mom and Justin came to check out the office.

Walked around and got them books...went upstairs to eat...then left with stuff and got some ice cream...went home and got my mail and some fresh clothes...and HARRY POTTER...wooo.

Came back to the city...took a walk and got some cheapass dvds...T texted me...but I was too tired...and just needed a break from all the "death talk"...I do like spending time with her...but there is only so much I can take...it is so hard hearing about her ex all the time...when I just want to spend some time with her...it is getting to be difficult...but I want to be a good friend to her.

Was gonna get a drink with Gloria...but after working out...too tired...going to just turn in and read some HP...oooh...Anne Hathaway is on Letterman..soooo hot...and makes me think of Joyce...I need to call her back.

Happy Anniversary to my folks...they got lots of books as a present...

Working out tomorrow...meeting up with G...and maybe a party thing...we'll see.

close call
Thursday, July 26, 2007 11:56 p.m.

Oh, man...had such a close call...our CEO said that the last book we did that was related to my "dream project"..."gargled hoagie" (which I thought was hilarious)...but my boss told me to go in and show how passionate I was...and to show how it could be profitable...took 30 seconds and he agreed to let us take the meeting. A lot to figure out...but I think it will work. As long as they agree to buy a good amount in bulk.

Had lunch with new girl again...had a good talk. Man, I need to shut up! Some other great leads at work that I need to follow-up on next week...good stuff. I'm loving it so far. The day just flies by when I'm on the move.

A few emails with CCW...she said something that made it sound like she was still single...as in a quote from HIMYM...She said her motto was "I'm like Han...I fly SOLO."...cute...but it gives me hope that I can try again...sigh. I'm such an idiot...but I really want to try again. I mean...I've already embarrassed myself to the extreme and a little more won't hurt..I just don't want to regret not trying...well, again.

Went to surprise bday party after...and mostly hung out with my friends...Cindy, Cindy K, Cathy...some Asian dude (who is apparently in the closet) and the bday girl and others. I think I can take some of them out on a "business dinner" ...it could happen.

I love Cindy...she really is protective of me. I really appreciate that. I know I am "emotionally a girl" and I need to protect myself...but I think the person that ends up being the one for me ....will be the one that appreciates me for who I am...the weird guy that is on the verge of being alpha male...and totally a wuss. I'm just a mess...but I'm hoping someone is looking for that.

Went with the Cindys to play some Wii...I love it...I kinda want one now.

TOMORROW...my mom and Justin are coming to visit the office. fun.

TOp Chef...Padma Lakshmi...so hot...but so dumb...sigh.

I wanna...all niiiiight
Thursday, July 26, 2007 01:02 a.m.

All day meeting that was basically information about all our new releases...pretty exciting.

But the best part...one of my DREAM projects might be in reach. Can't say anything about the company/organization...except that it isn't comic-related...but it's a close second in terms of my passions. VERY VERY exciting. Conference call...soon. Meeting...shortly thereafter?

I hope my boss sees my potential...only three weeks and I have two very solid, very good...very profitable (hopefully) leads.

Went to the old work place...and well...ran into HK...she's still weird...and got a friend to bring up a package of books for CCW. I'm saying nothing....but I wonder if she gets it...and I wonder if she cares.

And then met up with T...ended up wandering around..Freemans looks very cool...but it was packed...ended up going to Congee King...which always reminds me of Cindy...anyways...ate and walked around...went back to move her bike and get ice cream. Helped some Argentinian vacationers on the bus...

T...well, I doubt she feels anything for me...or anyone right now...but I know that the more time I spend with her...the more I am starting to feel something. She is just so adorable...and she has a good heart...it's all timing.

WORK...lots to do...and then bday party...what a packed week. But loving it.

YES.
Tuesday, July 24, 2007 10:36 p.m.

Work started out as normal...and soon after...BAM...I booked my first big meeting with a HUGE corporation. We are supposed to meet in a few weeks...and if it works out. WOW...we could pull in a huge, huge order. I was shaking with excitement. I can't believe it.

Had lunch with the new girl. She's pretty cool...seems like we could be friends.

More work stuff, a lot of clean up...and just figuring out what to do next. August 8 (8/8) should be a big day for us?

Went to dinner with Jen T...had awesome Veggie Indian food on 28th and Lex. I highly recommend it. I will be going back sometime soon with someone? Talked about all the drama....and where we are going in our lives. She's definitely in a good place. I have high hopes for her.

Follow-up emails and calls tomorrow. All day cross-site meeting tomorrow. Busy week...oh...and dinner and movie with T?

Monday...raining dogs and DOGS
Tuesday, July 24, 2007 12:02 a.m.

Well, it's funny if you consider the fact that I went to the American Kennel Club today. Very cool first client meeting.

Work was cool. A major hotel chain called back and I got them to agree to look at some of our materials.

New girl at work asked me to go to lunch with her tomorrow. Cool. Making new friends and stuff.

Gave CCW's resume to HR with a referral note. Two minutes later they emailed me back and said they would call her.

Met up with Grace for dinner. Good food but portions were tiny. Ate and had a good conversation. Both at crucial points in our lives where we are deciding where we are going. I am so proud of all that she has accomplished and wants to do. She inspires me to do better.

Long walk home. Went for a run....got more food which negated the exercise.

Got email from work about coming up with a tagline for 24 Book....awesome! I wrote down a whole bunch...and I sent it...but I don't know if my email went through!!! ARRGH! Hope I remember some in the morning.

Good times...but still feeling kinda lonely. Sigh.

Sunday stuff...
Sunday, July 22, 2007 09:33 p.m.

Came back after breakfast with T...slept some more...and then went out to meet her for brunch at like 4. Went to Life Cafe and had some good eggs and crazy mimosas that got me pretty tipsy...went for a walk in the park. Went back to her place and went up to the roof to play guitar and help plant stuff. Bought her a capo...watched a little Van Wilder and got some ice cream.

Had a good time...but it was weird on my part. She seems to be hot and cold...like sometimes she pulls me in closer...and then she stops. I don't know if she thinks of me in any other way...but I am starting to feel things...and I know I shouldn't I think a little distance might help...but still. I'm finding myself thinking about her a little too much.

Came back to do some laundry and prep work for tomorrow. Might go out for a drink with Gloria in a bit. This weekend just flew by. Crazy. Having a good time in the city though. But spending too much money !!!

First client meeting tomorrow...and then a week before luanch. Lots of work I gotta get done.

Saturday
Sunday, July 22, 2007 02:28 p.m.

Went to Elaine's surprise party...which happened to have signs saying "ELAINE M PARTY" on the door...hahaha...but she didn't even notice! Anyways, it was pretty fun. Met some of her friends and family...one of which works in my building ! Another lives 3 blocks from where I am apt. sitting! Very cool.

The thing I love about Elaine and her family is how they are so welcoming and inviting...I've been to a bunch of her "functions" where it's just a huge party with tons of people. Elaine's bday thing was like a wedding banquet...stuffed with food and drinks. Her cousin and her husband...that gave me a ride to Queens once...had a new baby and one on the way...her sister Denise (super cute) said I looked so good...hahha...love it. Sat with Barry and talked with him for most of the time...he's a really good guy. I really like him. HAPPY BDAY ELAINE!!! Lotsa love from me.

Afterwars...went to Tribeca for afterparty...talked to the girl that lives near me...pretty cool. Happy birthday ELAINE! Then left around midnight to go to the bar...too early! Stopped in and then went back for a nap. T called around 5 and I went back. (Oh, and I saw Hung from Top Chef walking down Canal Street. I am 99% sure it was him.)

Some guy on the bus lost his wallet and chased it down in a cab...after he left...one of the riders saw that this asian guy had two wallets in his pocket...and they grabbed it from him...what a way to start the morning.

T is just so cute...I helped her close up a little and then we went for breakfast. I'm just worried that I will start to get attached when she is this emotionally unavailable...but I completely understand how hard it must be for her.

Anyways, went back...slept...talked to Eunice for a while this morning. I love that girl, she is my rock...one of several in my life...supposed to meet up with T for dinner and a movie or maybe coney island...but you never know.

Gonna clean up here a little and then figure the rest out. First client meeting tomorrow! Have to be ready for that.

packed Friday
Saturday, July 21, 2007 03:39 p.m.

Sweet shazbot...Friday was jam work was filled...lots of calls and leads. Two of which were in the building. Made a new work BFF...very cool gal who likes nerd stuff and works in editorial. Cute Asian girl told me about free Neko Case conert in Central Park...then left for lunch with Lucia.

Good seeing her...good new hairdo...she's heading for Philly for her PhD...my baby has all grown up! Had lunch and ice cream and then we saw some blonde woman being chased by papparazzi...turns out it was Gisele!

Went to pick up a new bag for work...and went back to work out for a bit...and then SHE called. She said she thought it was a bad idea for us to meet up...but we could talk over the phone...I just didn't have time to discuss this...but we'll see if I ever speak to her again. Do I want closure? Do I need anything from her ever again...I don't know...but I don't think so.

Worked out for a bit...then went to the old office to meet up with Josh to go to the Neko Case show...ended up waiting for a long while and ran into a few co-workers and my old boss. Weird...got to Central Park and we got in the wrong entrance! Had to walk all the way across..but we were in time for Neko.

She sounded awesome...no vibrato and clear as a siren...and her backup singer was amazing...a little reverb and tight harmonies...made it sound ethereal. "Hold On" was of course the best song. Hung out a bit with Cute asian girl...but then she and her friend had to run...was going to meet with Jon...but Josh needed to go.

Went home..and on the way..this nasty fat lady in a hoochie outfit with but crack showing...sleapped me on the back and was like "HI!!!"...strange. Home...ate a little...then went out to meet Eunice.

So tan and fit now! So pretty in a Safari dress thing...hahah had some borscht and pierogies and hung out a little. Then went to the bar and said hi to T before she had to run.

Went with T to get some Japanese food...she still had her ex on her mind and it is getting difficult. I know I'm being selfish...but I like her best when she is happy and goofy...and I wish she would feel better. But this is going to be a long time thing...and totally, totally understandable.

Anyways, took a walk and talked a little. I want to take her to Coney Island on Sunday...anyways, more on that later.

Saturday: Got up too early...then went back to sleep...worked out and going out for dinner thing and then closing up the bar later. Wow...this weekend is flying by.

Jam packed...but fast...things are so weird and dramatic...but I'm hoping for the best.

uh oh
Friday, July 20, 2007 12:36 a.m.

Work was a whirlwind,...and getting in was hectic since I had to walk all the way west to avoid the "frozen/explosion zone"...I can't believe all of that happened yesterday...

best thing...got a response from a marketing firm that is working with a potentially HUGE cloent...I'm going to get a hit very soon...I can feel it.

Went to lunch with this girl from work...she is very young..and has a bfriend...but I think she has a friend crush on me. cute.

After work...came home and changed...hahah I called it home! And then went to the village to go shopping a little. Got some dvds and cds...fun. Then went to the bar to help T out a little before dinner...and then I met her mom.

Then went to Japanese restaurant...and then she called her mom and she came and joined us later. No sukiyaki anymore...but decent Korean BBQ? Weird...had a good talk etc...

Then her Mom left and we took a walk and got some stuff at Duane Reade...walked back and moved her bike...and I said something a little off color...oh.. involved the words "lingerie" and "party"...and she was like "do you say that to all your female friends?"..."you big flirt..."

I said ..."I'm an idiot."

Walked me to the bus...we hugged and then she kind of puckered her lips and gave me one of these weird "air kiss" things...

Am I reading into things or is something happening?

She asked me to go over to watch a movie...but it was too late...but I'll see her like...all weekend...so who knows.

When she isn't sad and depressed...and when she is goofy and happy for a moment...I look at her and I don't see the "hot bar girl" anymore...I see someone who is sweet and vulnerable...who has this tough exterior...but deep down she's just a nice girl who has a difficult job...that she is really good at...and then I think I could really fall for this girl...

WHICH IS TOTALLY STUPID!!!! She needs a good friend now...and I have so much stuff to deal with also...and she is going to be in mourning for a while...it wouldn't be fair...I am the king of bad timing.

I am the heartbreak kid...sigh.

TGIF...hoping for some good news.

more freaky stuff...
Wednesday, July 18, 2007 11:15 p.m.

So by now...you've heard about the transformer/manhole explosion. And the news DID not do it justice. Seriously, it was like 9/11 all over again.

I came out of the ^ train...right by Grand Central and I saw the streets were flooded with water...there were no cars...and cops were everywhere...I looked up and saw some smoke...so I thought it was a fire...walked further down...started seeing people running and looking up...and I walked a block over...and I saw a WALL of smoke...at least 10 stories tall...just sweep east.

My first thought that it was 9/11 all over again...and that a building had collapsed...I started running east towards the river...and then I looked back..the smoke wall was just engulfing block after block...and people were taking pictures!

I called home and got some info...the news really did not convey how scary it was...and now...it's just a steampipe...well, it doesn't help that I was watching 24 and they were talking about Sentox gas...and it didn't help when I heard some girl shouting about it being "poison sulfur gas"...gah...

But the absolute scariest thing was the soujnd...the constant rumbling ...like a heavy, slow boil...that just sounded so ominous and threatening...and organic and no...it was just...HURRRMMMMMM...I really hope I don't get nightmares from that.

Anyways...once I heard it was ok...I went downtown to hang out with V...went to some Bear Lodge...and I met some dude who was on a layover from Atlanta...and he got hit by shrapnel from the explosion...damn! Talked to V about her interview...and met some of her friends. I love that kid...

Had a few drinks...was going to meet with T...but I was too freaked out and I just walked back...everything was blocked off. Had to walk around...and the news people are like a block away from here. I can see their floodlights. seriously...do I need any more things to freak me out???

...and just pigged out...had a burger by 23rd street...and then came home and had a sandwich like 2 hours later...ugh...I just want to eat for some reason...did a lot of walking/running today...so I hope that balances out.

And my boss...he takes the train at Grand Central...I left a voicemail...and he hasn't called or emailed me back. I hope he is ok...gah!!

Anyways...work was pretty cool today despite everything...good sales meeting...lots of contacts...great day for comics...and then all this happened.

D and K must really be feeling lucky to have missed all of this craziness. If you are reading this...wow...enjoy your vacation.

I could get all deep...but I won't...I'm glad to be alive...and I just want to go out and live and hopefully find someone to love.

Thank You, Lord...I am ever grateful.

city living!
Tuesday, July 17, 2007 10:57 p.m.

Work was pretty busy today...but had a chance to have lunch with my buddy Jon...he's having a bit of a hard time too. Got some mexican food and talked a little.

Heard from a friend...that one of her friend's had a major tragedy...married three weeks and his wife died...gah. Tragedy everywhere. What's going on?

Went over to D and K's place....they are on their way to sun and fun. And I'm just chilling at their place typing this. Worked out pretty hard in their gym...amd seriously...it is all about the lighting. I look insanely buff and cut in the gym...probably the fluorescent lights.

Ate waaaay too much...but it's a treat. This is like my mini vacation! Got some groceries and watching 24 on their flat screen. Cleaned up a little bit too.

My friend Vicky said she wants to sleep over. man, that girls is trouble.

Cute Asian girl who likes music stopped by my office to chat...and cute girl with accent was talking to me a lot today too. Love it.

Anyway...I get to sleep in a little later tomorrow...and then figure out what the heck I am gonna do in the city...whose hanging out with me? C'mon!

Monday...
Tuesday, July 17, 2007 12:22 a.m.

Got up and into work early...and look...a voicemail. It was HER. She called Friday afternoon and said we were playing "phone tag"...and that I should call back to chat sometime. Ugh. Her voice...gah...it used to make me melt...now it just sends shivers up my spine.

Anyways...work was pretty good. I contacted the R & R Hall of Fame, MTR, and Blue Man Group...and they all seem like good candidates.

Cute design girl came up to me all cheery and said "I know you..." and offered me chocolate. She has a sexy accent too. HHAHAH...woo. I love being "fresh meat."

Went over to pick up T...and I texted CCW to see if she was still at work...duh! So dumb!

Anyways...took T to Les Halles for some good food and a very good conversation. In a different place...in a different time... I honestly could develop feelings for her...but now...everything is too complicated...and I just want to be...and I NEED a good friend.

Went to get more Australian ice cream...moved her bike...and walked a little.

Home...packing up for my little adventure in the city. Wooo...Change of scenery. I need it.

weekend wrap-up
Sunday, July 15, 2007 10:21 p.m.

Why can't I sleep in? I was up at 9 something today...and it was still a fitful night's sleep. Just a lot of stuff going through my head at the moment.

Worked out, ate, got all my stuff together and went over to D & K's place. Dropped off stuff and took train back to Queens with them. They are so cute. They are cleaning up the place before they leave. Please....I have insomnia. If I am in...I'll be cleaning up there place for them. They need to pack !!!

Got some dvds and came home to more working out. Chris finally came home and is super tan. Nina stopped by for a little bit.

Mixed down the song for CCW...still don't know if I should give it to her or just not say anything. Ugh. I am so confused. I could just move on...or I could say something and embarass myself...but at least get it off my chest for good. Who knows.

One more night at home tomorrow...then I am off to the city. I want my social calendar to be relatively full...so I hope people will come out and hang for a bit. Want to relieve some stres...and hopefully meet a cute girl or two. :P

But most psyched about the gym in the building...cannot wait to hit that. wooot.

Oy...here comes Monday.

food and magic
Sunday, July 15, 2007 12:54 a.m.

Took my folks and Justin out to sushi buffet out on LI...and man...I got stuffed. I am afraid of food now.

Went to see Harry Potter after...pretty good. The action scenes were awesome. Justin is frakkin awesome at the crane machine...he spent a dollar...and got 4 Simpsons dolls...two each time he used the claw!

Came home and worked out...finished recording the song I wrote for CCW. Just need to mix it down...and decide what the heck I should do with it. Packed up so I can drop things off at D and K's tomorrow.

Oh...last night at Karl's thing was weird...Armenian benefit so weird crowd. Chrissy showed up (super cute...we are supposed to hang out) and I met Stef's bfriend Ollie...talked to Victor about work...and Jeff...pretty fun. Got home at 2...relatively early for me nowadays.

Weekend is going by too fast. I am so beat...oy. Sleep!

week is over
Friday, July 13, 2007 06:15 p.m.

Blogging from a new place... Doris and Karl's ! It's Karl's early-bday today...so we are hanging out...even though I need a nap...I better not or I won't get up.

Thursday: Work has been pretty awesome, I have to admit. I spend all day writing spec emails or getting people on the phone for potential cool projects. I have a lot of faith in my company and the content we provide. It's just amazing...I went to my first sales meeting...and they just brought up Transformers and Spider-man and all these cool projects. wow...I work here.

Cute Asian girl was chatty. I had to sneak away ...or I would have been trapped and not able to do work. I don't know if I heard her right..but I think she asked me to go to lunch with her today...hmmm...well, she really, really likes music...cool, so far.

And I think I met the cute girl who was the one I got the contact infor from ComicCon from...I think it was her. Speaking of which...my building is just full of eye candy. Sigh...too much!

After work went to drop by old co-worker's going away thing...had a few drinks...hung out with old friends...and got drunk after 3 drinks since I hadn't eaten all day...and then CCW came and I made an ass out of myself.

I accidently knocked a brownie out of her hand...and I think I must have hit her a bunch of times...I feel like such an idiot. But I emailed her when I got home...and she emailed me a few silly things today...so I guess we are cool.

Friday: I love summer hours! Got a MAJOR company to respond to one of my pitches and I was riding high off that...my boss has been really encouraging me and telling me what a great job I've been doing. I just want to round up a bunch of clients and get this rolling...I honestly love this job so far...but it's just beginning.

Got first paycheck today...and yes. I am going to be making decent money. I know the 401K will kick in...so it will be a little less...but regardless...it's been good.

Lunch with Doris and Karl...and hanging out. They are leaving for Thailand next week...guess who is apartment sitting?!??! woooo! Who wants to hang out in the city with me???

T went to the wake yesterday...so I know things must be tough for her. I'm going to try to stop by tonight...and Sean and Tessa...they got confirmation that it was SIDS...now they are worried about their other girl...since they were twins. GAAAH...I am really thinking too much about it...but what can I do? I sent a card and some money...but it feels like nothing. I wish I could be there and hang out with them...and just try to help.

Anyways, gonna wake Doris up from her nap soon...getting dinner and then bar later...then I gotta go home and pack for next week...woot.

TGIF. I really mean it

scorcher...
Wednesday, July 11, 2007 09:37 p.m.

It finally cooled down...past few days have been pretty steamy. Got a lot of work done and didn't go anywhere besides work.

Been working the phones and calling all of these major companies. Still waiting for something to hit...if any of these companies agrees to do a book with us...wow...that would be awesome.

Perks of the job have been great. Free books galore...and if not free...70% off. Amazing stuff too.

Got drenched today...but had a good day of work and got some comics too. Went to my first sales meeting and just listened...wow...the books that we deal with are amazing....all these licensed properties, travel books, sex books, how to books, food, wine, science...everything!!!!

I can't wait for my first real project to get under way...my first full week is almost over...and I made a lot of contacts. Just hoping one pans out.

Going to be a tough day for T tomorrow. She's going to the wake.

I might drop by an old co-workers going away thing after work...not sure if I should...but I need some cheering up...the only thing is...CCW might be there. Who knows...if she has a bfriend now...I might be crushed...if she doesn't even care about me...crushed.

Ugh...my problems are so dumb. I'm going to throw myself into work...and just avoid.

Best proof of me losing weight. Shirts I had last summer that I could barely button...I can button them now...AND I have extra room. Damn...I gotta keep this up. I have to keep up appearances now.

Man...I am so tired...but my mind won't shut off. ARRRGH ! Help me !

work...
Monday, July 9, 2007 11:29 p.m.

Monday...ugh. I was totally off my game today...but I managed to do a few things that the boss approved of. Making some good contacts with companies...and I think we are well under way to some stuff we can get rolling.

Yeah...I called her and left her my office phone number. Not sure if she will call...part of me wants her to...part of me really does not.

Thanks to all my friends who wrote seeing how I was doing...and how my other friends are...it means a lot.

Had a quick dinner with T and her friend Tina...then got some ice cream and walked around the park with her. I feel so bad for her...and what she is going through...but I don't know how much longer I can keep doing this. I am exhausted physically and mentally...but I have to be strong.

As for my buddy Sean...thinking about getting some kind of memorial for the baby...trying to get old coworkers together to chip in...we'll see how that goes. I feel like I have to do something. I am so saddened by this. I was so looking forward to buying those kids outfits and stuff...sad.

I am spent. I need some good sleep and someone to love me something fierce. I'm tired.

weekend...
Sunday, July 8, 2007 09:15 p.m.

Saturday: Tried to rest up and work out during the day. Went out to Nightingale for a bit...then stopped by Pianos for D and K's wedding anniversary. Tried to forget all the stuff going on...but it's so hard. The music was loud and the mix was good...but I couldn't help it. Went back to Nightingale and stayed around until closing. People watching and talking to the staff....some of T's friends stopped by...but left. So we went to get breakfast at 630 and I was home by 9...it's gonna be hard for her for a while. I hope I'm helping.

Sunday: Got up at 2 and just ran and lifted. Finished 24 Season 4...now onto Season 5... Justin stopped over and we watched Epic Movie and pigged out on pizza and wings. I was so tired...but glad to have my big baby around.

CCW emailed...and I finally heard from my friend Sean. I'm not even sure how to reply. I think I may send him a Bible passage. This has been so difficult. Ugh...I feel so weird these past few days. And the weather is not helping. I just want this craziness to all go away and soon. September can't get here fast enough.

Another weird thing...when we were at my Dad's friend's bbq on the 4th. The wife was telling us about her nephew and how his asthma was so bad when he was little that everyone thought he was going to pass out. He had to swim and exercise to get his lung strength up. ....and that was the day that T's bfriend drowned...possibly from an asthma related attack.

Another weird thing: waiting on line to see Transformers and this kid was screaming for "Mina"...very odd.

Anyways, I know this is going to be another difficult week. I just have to keep my head in the game and concentrate on work. Lord, please help me and my friends to get through all these awful circumstances.

Monday... hot and humid...help us.

more bad news...
Saturday, July 7, 2007 02:33 a.m.

Ok...so I was going out of the building and this girl stops me by shouting "Abe"...

It was Sue. She works in my building.

I was stunned. I didn't even know what to say. She gave me her number and said I'd see her around the building. What are the chances? Of all the places in NY...not to mention she used to work in NJ...she ends up in MY building...and I go out at the moment she is coming into the building. What does this mean?

Anyways, I ended up calling and leaving my number. I'm not sure if we will end up talking or what. She even changed her name to "Mina" now...she told me she wanted to before...I was shaking. I cannot even make this stuff up...it's absolutely unbelievable. I'm just stuck. It's overwhelming to me...and there was more....

CCW sent me some astrology thing and it said that all the bad things since July 2005...would be over by September...and I would be free and clear...and receive a huge gift. Meanwhile, job and finances would be busy but very lucrative, home improvements, and working out a lot...and some romantic prospects...but no mention of all this bad news....I don't believe in that stuff...but a lot of it seemed scarily spot on.

Anyways, I ended up walking around the city and going shopping to clear my head. Had a last minute lunch with Vicky...and then I got tickets for Transformers.

Met up with Linette and had a quick dinner. She's such a nice Christian girl...I need more friends like that. And then she went to Bible Study. While I made some phone calls and just vented. Then I went to wait online and we saw the movie...which was awesome.

Anyways, T is still a mess and I will probably go over tomorrow to keep her company.

When I got home my cousin and his girlfriend packed up and left...going to Indiana tomorrow...and I got to see Mufru...

But then I got more bad news...my good friend in Austin...one of his beautiful baby girls died in her sleep. I am just stunned. I have no idea why all of this bad news is coming at once.

Two days and three major shocking things. What is God trying to tell me? At first I thought it was to cherish life and make peace with others...and then this last bit of news...I have no idea what to say or do. I am so tired and scared...and God...I just want this to be better. It's scary how cyclical things can be...wasn't this all so similar to what happened 2 years ago?

Please pray for me and my friends...it's just unbelievable.

I'm looking upwards and I'm just trying to make sense of all of this. Lord, help me...I want it to make sense.

tragedy...
Thursday, July 5, 2007 11:24 p.m.

Let's get all the easy stuff out of the way first.

Work...a lot of research and the day went by fast. Went to the S & S caf...good stuff...and also checked out the gym...which I should probably join.

CCW...I emailed her some job stuff...and she was kinda cute about some stuff. Caught up on a little bit of email with friends.

Was going to go home to work out but T called and wanted to hang out. We walked around, she checked out nose rings, and we went to Fanelli's. Also ran into Gerald my old coworker on the street.

Anyways, had a good talk with T...and it was about the same old same old...and then she got a call...and her face turned white. I paid the bill and gave her some time...and then went to check on her. She was sobbing uncontrollably.

And then she told me her ex died yesterday.

He went diving and he drowned...he had an asthma attack or panicked...or something...but he's gone.

She was in shock....and I had no idea what to say...it was just so tragic. And the worst thing was...the last thing she said to him were those dreaded words.

I don't know how she is going to cope. I can only imagine. It's heartbreaking and...it's just a bad movie cliche. This doesn't happen in real life...but it does. But...HOW? I just don't understand how this is NOT fiction.

She cried all the way...I walked her to her sister's office. Her best friend and sister were there...I was just on a rooftop with them two days ago...so strange.

Her other friend came later...and the girls would take care of her...and I left around 10...I don't know what else I could do ...but just be there and let her cling on...

The rain, the fact that we were talking about him just before, the fact that you have to accentuate the negatives about someone when they break up with you (arrrgh...guilt...I can only imagine what she is feeling), the whole odd situation of it all, all the time spent with her lately...it just makes me think...I am so conflicted. I'm in shock...and I just want to be there for her.

And it makes me want to tell all my friends and family I love them. It makes me want to grab everyone and just look them in the eye and just let them...KNOW.

My problems seems so insignificant and trite now...and yet, it makes me want to just confess, confess, confess.

Life is too short to play it cool. Life is too fleeting not to say what you think and feel.

You, my friends and family, the ones that read this blog...that know about all the ups and downs...and who have had ups and downs that I was there for...you know how much I love you and care.

And yet...I wonder who will cry like that for me...in that inconsolable way...I wonder what it feels like to love someone so much...and have them be gone...and be left behind. I wonder who I will leave behind.

In any case, I'm going to have to be on call. Her friends are watching over her...and if she needs me...I'll be there. I think this is God's plan for me to be in her life right now...and maybe it's His plan that she is in mine...to show me to hold on and cherish and appreciate.

TGIF. Love.

New career and more...
Wednesday, July 4, 2007 10:25 p.m.

Monday: First day on the job and I am already in a bit of shell-shock. I didn't get much sleep...but I was up and ready to tackle the new stuff. Got my office and it is pretty huge! No view and it's across from the breakroom...but I have a door...so it's no big deal. Loads of books, and already getting busy with new ideas and pitches. Boss took me for lunch and we discussed what I would be doing...he said that my title...I should keep quiet since it takes people in sales a while to get my title... took care of some HR stuff and other things...met this one co-worker who is looking for an artist to do cover to DC book...asked for my advice...awesome!anyways...good stuff. Good first day.

Unfortunately, no private email like AOL or Yahoo...and no AIM! Arrrgh!

Went over to get comics and walked by the old office around 630. I called Josh to see if he was around...walked over and chatted a bit...and then CCW called. ACK. I didn't pick up...J told her I was downstairs. I had no idea she was still at work...anyways...it was a little weird. She left a voicemail saying hi...and sorry she missed me..sigh. She didn't have to call...and I don't know how to feel.

Anyways, picked up T from her guitar lesson. Went to have dinner and walked around. Gosh...she reminds me of S...cute...anyways, she paid for dinner and I got us ice cream...and didn't end up getting home until like 230-300...ARRGH!

Tuesday: Work...more ideas and pitches and I got a lot of stuff done. Did a lot of research and finished up more HR stuff. Wandered around during lunch and found out that I'm about a 10 minute walk from W4th train. Cool.

Short day...so left at 3...and went to pick up some stuff for T's party. Got there early and ended up cooking with her and it was fun. She says it's really over with her ex...but she is definitely still hung up...he doesn't want to get back together...but I think she does...so she's in a weird place. But I'm there for her as a friend.

Anyways, dog, cats, bird...and her friends came over. Went up to the roof...Steve came too...and talked with her friend Tina and this guy D...had a good time with food and drinks. T came up with her guitar and we sang songs and just hung out on this amazing rooftop.

Her sis, best friend, and a bunch of dudes came over later...and we did more of the same...and a little karaoke. I got along with T and D pretty welll...talked about problems and such..sigh.

Anyways...got home at like 330...ughh. it's weird how I'm getting attached to T...she texts me every day...we talk almost every day...and I've seen her so many times these past few weeks...She's becoming a really good friend...but I am still hung up over CCW...I dunno what it is. I just want to clear my head and throw myself into work.

Wednesday: Happy July 4th! Got up late... was going to work out but the kids were at my folks...so I went over for brunch...then went to a family friends for BBQ.

I had to bring some work "homework" with me...basically marking up our catalog with books I want for research. Anyways, ate waaaay too much...and I got hazed by my dad's friends...made me drink AND smoke with them.

My dad said he was proud of me and really wants me to take this chance at the job and make it worthwhile...wow...that's rare...coming from him.

Came home around 9...worked out...and I just want to sleep and finish off the week. Man, it's exciting...but really scary too. Yipes.

So much more...but I'll stop here. T might call any second...and she's texted me twice already while I've been blogging. Is she my new BFF?

Thursday here I come...if it doesn't rain...I'm going to the company softball game. HA!