the highs and lows...
Wednesday, August 31, 2005 07:33 p.m.

The devastation from hurricane Katrina...just unbelievable... it's the equivalent of a tsunami--some people are saying...and if you see those pics on the news...wow. Lord, please help those people.

Another reason I need a job...I want to be able to have enough to support me and my loved ones...and enough to give to the church and to the needy. I want to be a better steward of my money...seriously.

Anyways...just a really wild day. No call from that website...urrgh. Not sure what happened. Maybe that guy got sick? I'm not sure what happened.

Went out to the city to meet up with Emily. But checked out used DVDs...and got ATHF vol.3 for 15 bucks and Everybody Loves Raymond Season 4 for only 25 bucks! I couldn't resist the deal...and Raymond is out 2 weeks early! Sigh...and comics...sigh. I need money... I know, I know...but I needed a pick me up.

Saw Amy Fleming...my old boss. Good to see her. Then Emily and I went to Old Town for lunch. She bought an apt. with her boyfriend... big risk...but she's level headed enough. Good to see her...and she gave me a copy of the World Lit book that I worked on.

Kathleen ended up being in Madison Sq. Park...so I sat and talked with her for a little bit. Good to see her... lots of drama going on at Triumph...

Made copies of writing samples to send to the other website...and headed home. I emailed my contact there and she is so nice. I showed her the website and she said that they are very music oriented and might have an opening there if the fiction thing doesn't work out. She also upgraded me to a "friend of a friend" even though we haven't met... she thinks I would be a good fit for her company. Just need to send in stuff and contact her boss. I have a good feeling about this...hopefully it will work out. More about this next week.

Then Nicole IMed me and the girl she wants me to meet...agreed to have dinner next week! So the three of us are going to go out next week... so...we'll see how that works out. Keep an open mind about it.

And THEN...someone emailed me on my website asking if I was the same person that wrote "Folding Won Tons In"...I responded and said yes... and I guessed they were using the HRW textbook... anyways, turns out that Montgomery County Public Schools wants to use my poem on a county wide test for their 9th graders. Isn't that cool? So odd... glad to hear that my poem still has some life.

Anyways... worked out, read, trying to stay awake...but I am so tired....I just want this jetlag to be over.

I know there are still supposed to be 3 weeks left in the summer...but I think September...ok...after Labor Day...is really the end. And with that...I'm hoping that all the bad things that have happened this summer will be redeemed. I really hope that the remaining months of 2005 will bring me some joy...and that this joy will surpass all the hurt and disappointment from before. Amen.

more waiting...
Tuesday, August 30, 2005 03:51 p.m.

Gah...still jetlagged. Went to bed at around midnight and woke up before 6... ugh. Why can't I sleep for more than a few hours at a time?

Still waiting to get my phone call from the website. What if they don't call? What if they filled the spot already? Urrggh. Always waiting.

So, more cleaning up around here. More working out. More selling dvds. Sigh...this is my day. I just don't want to get stuck in the same old routine. So I need to start writing again and trying to be productive.

Not sure what I am doing this weekend... I just don't want to be stuck at home doing nothing.

Meeting Emily for lunch tomorrow and picking up the completed World Lit book that I worked so hard on. Going to use that to send in clips to the other website.

Heading home for dinner tonight. Sigh... hoping good things start rolling in soon. Patience, my young Padawan.

errands.
Monday, August 29, 2005 08:59 p.m.

Busy day... just running around and getting some stuff done. Still trying to keep a positive attitude about everything.

Up at 6... and took a nap around 9... but not for long. My phone interview got postponed until tomorrow so I could go run some errands with Nina.

First time I was in her car as she drove. Kinda scary! But we got to Forest Hills ok...and I got a new charger...my phone is in working order now...or so it seems.

Went to Pathmark and got a bunch of groceries. Have to be careful that I don't get tubby again. I'm so tired that I can't work out and can't really read anything. Just on autopilot. Trying to stay up late enough so I can get back on schedule. Going to take me like a week to get adjusted.

Came home...tried to take a nap...but couldn't. Chris came home and Nina went to a prayer meeting... went to drop off dry cleaning and then came back.

Got a chance to talk to Eunice, Nicole, and Grace a little today. All of us dealing with some seriously major issues this summer. But things are getting better.

Need to get my hands on World Lit book I worked on before. Send some clips in to muze.com ... well...depending on how about.com goes... sigh...I'd take either one at this point. Both look like really fun jobs that I could really excel at.

So, I'm praying that I get a job really soon. Then I can deal with really, fully mending this broken heart...and getting on with the rest of my life. I want to put this tough year behind me...and just finish off strong. There's still time to make 2005 something not completely horrible.

Ok...trying to stay up for a few more hours. Going to do some research... more later. Keep praying.

Nancy and Charles' wedding
Monday, August 29, 2005 07:08 a.m.

Ugh. I got up at 6... still jetlagged. I'm going to have to take a nap after I run some errands later. I did have a really weird dream of waiting on line to meet Steve Perry... wtf?

Yesterday was another weird jetlagged day. I cleaned up majorly around the house... and I tried to take a nap, but couldn't sleep. I was in this weird trance all day... just feeling all zoned out.

Went to Flushing and took the LIRR to Great Neck. Johnathan and Hyun picked me up...and Christine Choi was on the same train...and Nancy's boss Kim was also hitching a ride. We got to the church early. Karen and Sabrina were bridesmaids... and Karen got FAT!!! HAHAH... she's preggers. Got to touch the belly.

A Catholic wedding...and it was really nice. Was a lovely ceremony and Nancy and Charles are now married. Surprisingly, I was really happy for them and not sad for myself... I guess the whole Taiwan trip really did me some good.

Went to the reception at Westbury Manor...really nice place. They even had parrots outside for the cocktail hour. Sat with Mike Su, Dan Bae, Christine...and then Hannah Suh from Tufts was over... Angela Bai and her boyfriend, and her friend Sung Hee.... we all just ate and drank...well, I drank a lot more.

Went inside for the reception...and Ami, who I met a few times...just grabs me...she's pretty cute but kinda FOBby...and a little rough around the edges. But we caught up...and then Mary...who came to my show before (she's really cute) was sitting at the table...and I met this girl named Jenny Chung (another weird thing... Romana is asking our friend Jenny Chung from Tufts to be her bridesmaid...I had no idea they even kept in touch...) who was really outgoing and cool.

Anyways... just at the table talking to the girls... Went to dance with Christine, Sabs, Karen...Christine is a lot of fun...we definitely need to hang out more before she leaves for Cali...and Sabrina dances so cute...I love the way she dances...too bad everybody was so busy. Wish I had more time to talk to Nancy and really congratulate her...

Food was good. Good conversations...dancing was a lot of fun...but I think Sean Paul and 50 Cent might not be so apropos at a wedding...anyhooo... I had a great time. Got to meet some new people... got to hang out with my friends... and just enjoyed the moment for Nancy, the beautiful bride.

Hitched a ride with Mike Su and talked a bit...he still keeps in touch with Jay Song...so maybe I can finally get in touch with Jessica again... and Christine was just knocked out in the car.

Anyways...so here I am all jetlagged and waiting for when the about.com guy calls. I'm not even sure what to say... kinda out of it...maybe I can go back to sleep for a bit now... more later.

I'm back!
Sunday, August 28, 2005 11:25 a.m.

Yes, I'm back in NY safe and sound. Trying to get current here. So, a brief wrap-up of what happened before I got back.

Went to get dim sum with Susan at Yong Kang St. and went to an anime store after...a ton of stuff that I would want...but just got stuff for Justin instead.

Get home and I have an about.com phone interview on Monday! WOOO!

Didn't get a chance to meet up with Pei Chung...but her mom brought stuff for my folks. And Lisa was heading to Gaoshung for a shoot... so we didn't meet for dinner. So I got some "fry guy" stuff for my cousin and Oh Young and we had a quiet night in.

A lot of weird "Vanilla Sky" coincidental moments again. The guy interviewing me is named "Avram" something that Kathleen from my old workplace used to call me. Susan was working on something and her main character was named "Tasha"... mutual friend's name... odd.

What more..."She's the One" was on tv...and I haven't seen that movie in like 10 years...and the actress in it... looks like my friend Nancy...who is getting married. And the day I happen to have to leave... is E's bday.

Anyways... just weird stuff... including a music video/song about "Dan Tzao Fan"...um. Egg Fried Rice.

Day I leave...I get up early, finish packing write a note for Oh Young and one for Nicole... and then go to my godmother's office to say goodbye to her and Regina...My godmother really is adorable and she really went out of her way to take me out. I'm really thankful for that.

Uncle Lee takes me to get some famous beef noodle which was really good...and then a frap at Starbucks. I go back to say goodbye to Susan and I catch the new DAI video on tv! Saying goodbye was tough...I love my cousin and I'm really proud of the life she is making for herself...and being adventurous.

So...on the way to the airport... the one English radio station plays" Hard to Say I'm Sorry"...ugh...that was one of OUR songs... sheesh another weird moment.

Anyways...I kill some time at the airport and get on the flight...more weird moments... "Upside of Anger" and Kevin Costner says "walking contradiction" something that S used to say all the time... and then the "Interpreter"...Sean Penn's characterr's name is "Keller"... what I ended up naming my main character in my young adult book I am going to write...

Anyways... takes me awhile to get home...and my Dad picks me up and Sofie is in the car... I get dropped off, Chris, Nina , Kelvin are all home... I unpack and pass out.

Saturday...I'm up super early and go to Forest Hills...get my phone book transferred, go to the bank, get comic boxes to clean up my stuff at home...and then I come back and just clean all day basically.

And again...I'm jet lagged. I went to bed around 2....and I was up at 6... can't sleep... just cleaning more and more. Takes my mind off things. But can I grab a quick nap before the wedding? Ack... let's see if I can do a power nap. Sigh...ok... lots more...just super busy. God has been good.

more stuff...
Thursday, August 25, 2005 10:24 a.m.

After my nap... got up and me and Susan ordered more pizza and chicken. Seafood pizza was surprisingly...um...ok.

Went to "boven" by Shilin for another Taipei Nightlife meeting. Seems like I might be there overseas correspondent. Gives me an excuse to go clubbing in NY and stuff...heh.

Had a drink and talked to some people. That one rap guy Eric said he listened to my CD and said it was good... cool. Another Eric was looking for a job or he'd have to go back to the states. And Mark was just a cool laid back guy.

I'm definitely going to miss talking to Susan and Oh Young when I get back. They are both really good to talk to since Susan was going through a lot of similar things (we are family and both Aquarius, I guess) and Oh Young is just fun...we can chat in Chinese and have a laugh. I'm going to miss that. But I cannot wait to get home.

I just got an email from about.com about my salary requirements...so maybe that means I am on my way toward an interview? Let's hope something hits when I get home.

Oh a funny incident I forgot to mention...I went into a Sevey and these three black kids were trying to make copies. And the girl's Chinese was pretty good. I said I was going to help her translate ...but I didn't think she needed my help. I asked where they were from and she said the Carribean. I was like "hey, I'm from Jamaica...Queens" and she was like "yeah, I been there!" HAHAHHA... Awesome.

Meeting with PeiChung to get some "tai young bing" for my folks...and then supposed to have dinner with Lisa later tonight. Not sure if I will have a chance to blog before I leave... so...keep my safe flight and "good news when I get back" prayer requests in mind.

See ya'll soon! Can't wait to get back...

more food stuff...
Wednesday, August 24, 2005 02:52 p.m.

Yesterday, worked out most of the day. Started to pack up. Doesn't look like I will be able to meet up with Xiao Mi Su... he had to go back to work...so I bought Pei Chung dinner.

Went to Shi Da and got some more Naruto stuff for Justin...and then met up with Pei Chung. We decided on hot pot...and it was pretty good. Super cheap too. With a 5% discount from a "lucky ball drawing" it was only 310 NT for both of us!

We walked around and talked a little and ran into a used book store. After she left...I went back and got a few magazines and a Murakami book.

Spent the night packing up and just thinking about stuff I need to do when I get home. Then got a beer and an ice cream cone from the Sevy at midnight....because I can.

Today...more packing and then met up with my godmother, Uncle Ernie, and Regina and Uncle Lee. Had Peking Duck and talked a bit. They gave me all this stuff to take home to my folks and stuff.

Friday, Uncle Lee wants to take me for some "famous beef noodle" before I leave...and he's gonna drive me to the airport.

So, I have to repack some stuff now...and then going to Taipei Nightlife meeting with Susan...and yeah, Kaye might be there. Might go to Ministry of Sound by myself too...we'll see how I feel after a nap.

Funny thing.. "Susan" and "Oh Young"...my aunt's name used to be "Susan Ohyoung" before she got divorced from that evil man...

Anyways, pray for my safe flight...and that I'm coming home to some good news...no mor ebad news...things must start turning around now...they've got to... please.

buffet...again.
Monday, August 22, 2005 09:37 p.m.

Another lazy day...raining and watched "The Secret Window"...when Oh Young got back... we went to this Japanese buffet in the city and it was amazing...they had free booze, all types of liquers and champagne, little shots of egg custard stuff, sushi, sashimi, stuff like that...and this thing called 'niao shia" which looked like bugs...but were supposed to be crab/shrimp like things...very interesting.

Yeah...I drank and ate a little too much... time to get back on the diet. Oh...and I basically used all the money I exchanged today...yipes.

Plans for the week... meeting my uncle tomorrow afternoon, my godmother and her friends for Peking duck Weds. afternoon, and thursday night, dinner with Lisa... that's the plan so far... I'm sure other stuff will fall into place before Friday...I'm excited to go home...

Pray for a safe flight.

oldie goodie!
Monday, August 22, 2005 11:24 a.m.

Got up at a decent hour and worked out...hung out with Oh Young and Susan a bit and then went to meet up with Pei Chung and her family.

Her Dad picked me up at the station and we went to their house for a bit. They live in the penthouse and have like 4 floors to themselves. Just amazing... really nice place. Sat and had a "tai young bing" and some tea and then Uncle George arrived.

Uncle george i smy folks filthy rich friend. He was wearing a grey suit, chomping on a cigar, and was wearing sunglasses the whole time. he's kind of like a gangster/movie star type business man...and he calls me "Junior".

Anyways...we all had Thai food which was really good and some Starbucks. Nice chat. Pei Chung's family--her mom, dad, and grandma are all really nice. George also said that my dad was a "gentleman" unlike him... interesting.

Came home and took a nap...and then got up to find Susan and Oh Young watching "Election" one of my fave movies...and they ordered pizza and chicken...just like a Chang Faturday! ...the pizza was eh...but the chicken was actually great.

My godmother picked me up at around 9...and Uncle Ernie was there and they brought Jesse...someone that knows my aunt and my mom well. We went to Oldie Goodie which is right by Shi Da...and listened to old school music and this brother duo that sang to some drum loops and stuff...they were pretty good.

But this one guy...I don't know if he was part of the act...or a regular that liked to sing Elvis tunes with them..but he was pretty awful...but he had a great time. We even called my folks to say hi to them from their "spot" in Taiwan.

And then...after a few beeers...I went up and sang "reverie"...people actually seemed to like it. And it was fun. I got to perform in Taiwan...even though I forgot to get my godmother to take pics.

Had some nachos (really doritos with mozzarella and a really sweet salsa) some fries, rings, and nuggets, and a few more beers and I was out of it. Went home and just passed out...kept waking up with weird dreams... but I'm ok.

Exchanged some mor ecash today and saw some guy yelling at the teller. Going to meet up with my uncle later tonight...other than that...just hanging around and working out.Only 4 days left...and I'll be on my way home...I think I should be feeling ok when I get back... barring any more upsetting news... but I think these past few weeks have really done me some good.

Can't wait to get home... I have a list of things I need to get done. And I didn't get fat here...wooo.

oops...plans change.
Sunday, August 21, 2005 10:00 a.m.

Got up and puttered around. Got some food and hung out with Oh Young and Susan...and Emily came over again. Just watched tv and chatted about stuff. Fun.

Went to meet the Chen family for dinner...and it was pouring rain. I stopped by Taipei Main Station to get Justin a CD...and it got torrential. But I got back on the MRT and made it to Ming De where the Chen's picked me up.

They had ana amazing house with a koi pond and antiques and just really nice stuff. It was the nicest house I've seen in Taipei so far. We sat and talked and had some really strong belgian beer "delerium tremens"...their son is "long-Long" too...and he is 24, finishing up his service in the army, and studying architecture, his girlfriend is just amazing. her name is Aure and she is from France. Her father is Chinese and her mom is French. Her Chinese is incredible. She's learning abut architecture in CHINESE. Insane!

Talked a lot and went to this HUGE Italian place called Diamond Tony's. We were joined by two families and their kids. One family was from Seattle and they had three precocious kids. We sat and talked. I talked mostly with Aure and about her life in Taiwan and just her achievements. Just remarkable. And Uncle Chen kept filling my glass with wine...

Joyce arrived a little later and brought me a cake. She stayed at my place 3 years ago...and I barely remembered because I was going through...ahem ...a hard time back then. But I remember her and her friends watching DVDs while I was moping around.. but she's grown up and is supercute now...hahah.

Anyways, Long Long is really cool and I invited him and Aure to come to NY to hang out and check the architecture. And Joyce wants to go to Boston to study Communications...so I'll tell Eric to help her out if he can.Long-Long (his english name is Ian or Watermelon?) and Aure drove me to the MRT and I went back.

So this is where my plans changed...I was supposed to go to that Cut N Blow electro party...but I was WASTED and I'm a little hung over right now. I didn't realize how much I had to drink until I got on the MRT...ugh ...and we had so much food and my stomach is not used to that...so I wasn't going to be bale to go out at all.

So Susan borrowed my camera and went to the party. Oh Young stayed and napped and went to the afterparty and I'm supposed to have lunch with PeiChung and her family later. Ugh...my head. I wonder if the party was fun last night...Susan and Oh Young aren't even back yet...oh well..

Was going to go to church with Nicole but turns out she isn't going today...and I dodn't think I have enough time to go to the English service where I went last week and make it in time to meet PeiChung and her family...

More later... less than a week left. I'm getting anxious about going home... hoping for good things.

date?
Saturday, August 20, 2005 12:10 p.m.

Had a lazy day around the house since it was pouring rain for most of the day. Watched tv and worked out mainly...and then I get a text message from Nicole...the neighbor.

She said she was free most of the weekend and wanted to meet up. So we agreed on 10. Whoah...it gets better.

Anyways, killing time by going fruit shopping with Susan and then had dinner with Ferris and Sabina at Peacock around ShiDa...Talked a bit and had some beer. I ordered a chicken tikka sandwich and it took forever... apparently in Taiwan sandwiches take a long time in general. So, we talked and ate...turns out they are heading back to Toronto in May and if they came to visit NY that would be cool.

Left at 915 and Oh Young and their friend Emily was over...so I showered and got ready and Nicole rang the bell at 10. She's really cute. Brunette, about 5 foot 5...and she suggested we go to Peacock...hahah... but we went to 45 instead...

A little chit chat and then we got a table... and just talked about her time in Taiwan. Turns out she is leaving in 2 weeks and heading back to BC to finish her degree in social work. Then..she is going to Africa for a few years. All this after she was in Korea for 2 years and Taiwan for the summer. WOW.

So, I ask her...what kind of music she liked...and she was like "Um...Christian." WHOAH!!!

Turns out her family is Jewish but she became a Christian when she was hanging out with a missionary in Africa. She listened to a lot of CCM stuff (Amy Grant, SCC, MWS, Jars, etc...) and read the Bible...and became a Christian.

Her folks don't really know, and her sister that she lives with here in Taiwan sort of suspects it...but all her friends kind of know. Just remarkable.

It was really encouraging to hear a new Christian talk about her faith and how she felt God has led her. It really reminded me of my faith and what I need to do and believe in...in terms of my future.

And I told her...wow...God works in mysterious ways... here I am asking you out cause I thought you were cute...and she encourages me like this. Amazing.

So they had a 3 Coors Light for 300 NT sale... and I get it...only to hear that Nicole doesn't drink beer...she sticks to Smirnoff Ice.

I tell her...if I had a few more beers in me...I'd propose. And she was like... where you going to get a ring? And I reply...there's 7-11s everywhere... I'm sure I can get a Lifesaver.

So she asked me...ever think about going to Africa? I say...ever think about going to NY?

So, she goes to a Korean church in the neighborhood...and they preach in Chinese... but she gets someone to translate for her in English. So, I might go with her tomorrow.

All in all... had a pretty good time. clean, wholesome, and life-affirming. Who woulda thunk it?

And today...cheking email. Got a little bit of good news. I might have an interview with Muze.com when I get home. My friend's contact said my info looked good and forwarded it to her boss who would be setting up interviews soon. So, here's hoping I have some hope.

Anyways... having dinner with dad's friends, might go to Taipei music fest...and then there is some "Cut N' Blow" party tonight...um, yeah... wooo...one week left!

We had a really good time

urrgh...not so good time.
Thursday, August 18, 2005 02:13 p.m.

Was very brave and went to PLUSH by myself. Susan wanted me to help Mark take pics for the website...so I took a cab and met up with him at the club. The promoter, Wyman got us in. Mark's girlfriend Amanda and her friends Maggie and Viola (all from taiwan) met us there. The club was really, really nice...but the lay out was weird...tables encrouched the dance floor and the girls in bikini tops were on this weird runway...interesting and new...but dang...too crowded.

Mark took some pics and I just checked out the girls...DANG! But it was so loud and crowded...you couldn't hear the person next to you... so after a short while we left and went to COR... because Amanda knew the owner.

BAD IDEA... PLUSH was at least lively and the girls were cute...but COR was empty and just sad. Birthday cake and a hookah pipe, Snoop on the big screen...and an empty dance floor. Amanda was really nice and we talked for awhile. She says my Chinese is really good. Mark was really cool too and we had a good talk and joked around. So after a few drinks... we left.

Amanda and mark were going to leave me with her friends but I decided to just go home. Susan and her friend Jesse were up and they went to see Public Enemy at Ministry of Sound. Talked to Jesse (another Canadaian) for a little bit. Then went to read HP and konked out.

And again, up early and feeling a little sad and homesick. Showered and went out to the Sun Yat Sen Memorial Hall by myself. Took some cool pics of the changing of the guards and a whole bunch of little, little kids on a school trip. Just adorable.

Called Lisa to say hi and my godmother. She gave my resume to Pearson and they want to meet me. ACK. I could possibly get a job here. Yipes. We'll see when I go talk with them.

Took a walk and got some lunch. Left the neighbor a note to see if she wanted to talk about living in Taipei over drinks... hmmm...we'll see. More later, as always.

Man, I'm so conflicted...sometimes I think I could really live here...and then, I miss home like crazy...but I sure don't miss the hurt and the bad memories. And yes, it still creeps up. I need to get on with my life. With or without her...with or without a sense of security in a job...just need to hang on and ride out this storm. See where God leads me.

Keep those emails coming! Miss ya.

my friend the superstar...sorta.
Wednesday, August 17, 2005 05:49 p.m.

Finally met up with Lisa (Wang Lee Ren for Chinese folks)today. Found out that she was filming and "idol drama" loosely based on the Slam Dunk manga/anime (but with rugby) in any case... she's doing pretty well...but a little unhappy. She's stuck in a contract with a bad agency that isn't really promoting her enough. She has 2 and a half years left on her contract before she can move on.

Apparently she started teaching English then got scouted for modeling and then got roped into acting. She's been in 10 dramas or more...the one she is filming now is going to air in january. She would like to try recording an album and would want me to write something for her to demo... if only I could write in Chinese!

She treated me to lunch at this Japanese place (she told me to go to CKS but she meant CTS by Sun Yat Sen...oops!) and we had a very long chat about life. She wants a family now...and I want the career... she's still pursuing her career as much as it will take her...and she is just gorgeous, sweet and level headed. A lot tougher than I remembered her too. We had this long talk about what we wanted in life, how relationships are so hard to get to work, and how the career thing...

I mean, I've had my teeny tiny taste of fame with my writing and music...but Lisa has really got things going...and still not happy with it. I guess we always want to reach our potential...and what we know we can achieve given the right circumstances.

Went to the CTS station set with her. Watched her get her hair get done, met the cast and crew, hung out and watched them film a scene. We'll try to get together again before I leave...but she may be stuck on the set.

We were never super close...but we always had a pretty good friendship back in the day...so maybe I can write that song for her...and maybe help her career and mine. She said she doesn't mind if I come and keep her company and follow her around. I guess she's a bit lonely and I remind her of home...

Met Susan and Oh Young's neighbor Nicole...pretty cute brunnette from Canada...said I could come over and talk about living here with her...hmmm.

Going to PLUSH tonight...I'm kinda beat actually... more later.

Keep those emails coming! I'll reply soon!

family... you can tell.
Tuesday, August 16, 2005 05:16 p.m.

Got up early this morning and went to change some more currency. Apparently they don't take "old money" or money with "small heads" here...ok?

Walked to the Chiang Kai Shek memorial today... I was there a few years ago so I only stayed for an hour or so. Just so sweaty! Hot! GAH!... Some weird hip-hop dance troupes rehearsing at the theaters there...so odd. Then walked up the steps and looked at the huge statue and the personal effects. History meet the modern... there was a sign that said people needed to dress appropriately..."no mid riff showing shirts, underwear exposed, and no hot pants"...hahah!

Came back and Susan was hungry so we walked all the way to Sizzler and had... buffet.(Yes, the Cahng family gene) It was mostly salad but they had Taiwanes noodles, chicken feet, and dragon fruit (my favorite) and ai yu bing...but the other stuff was basically the same as in the US. Just not as much. had a good talk and then went shopping...walked past Da An park and went to the Guangong area. Got a copy of Chinese MAxim... can't read anything! And the girls aren't that cute!

Went to a pet store and they had beetles, a pig, and the cutest CUTEST little bunnies!!! Susan got some make up and she got a load of free stuff...and then some bakery stuff.

Came back...just exhausted and sweaty. Found out that I may be taking pics for Taipei Nightlife tomorrow at PLUSH. So...going clubing tomorrow...sure I'll see lots of cute girls...Wonder if I'll actually talk to anyone this time?

Pretty much it so far... trying to not have nightmares...trying to get on with life. I've decided I'm going to take up a few projects: going to look into non-profit jobs, start my young adult book, and maybe paint the apartment finally...well, at least change the bedroom... I need a new perspetive and maybe it will affect the other things in my life. The little things might have a larger effect...I'm going to start small and hope for good things.

As always, more later. Someone email me! Say hi...c'mon!

more changes...
Monday, August 15, 2005 04:33 p.m.

Arrrgh...I can't do this anymore...weird dreams in the morning when I go back to sleep. This time I dream of hooking up with Sarah Silverman... how weird is that? And more weird thoughts to boot.

Met up with Daisy and her mom for lunch at the Brother Hotel...just floors of restaurants...actually pretty fancy. had a prixe fixe lunch...Chinese food...but slightly fancier. I didn't realize how close Daisy's mom was to my Dad's family growing up...she was over at their place all the time...knew the whole family.

She says that no one in Taipei reads the papers anymore...they get it from TV or the internet...and books... man, sad decline. But they both thought I lost so much weight since last I saw them...but I thought I was getting chubbier? Weird...

Lots of things here are way beyond NY...the MRT even had a wifi station... wow...and fully air conditioned...I mean...even the stations...not just the cars.

Anyways, after lunch... Daisy was going to take me somewhere...but decided to get me a haircut around the area. Nanjing Rd...went to this Show Lin salon (a block away from Hooters Taipei) and I got the best hair cut ever.

They washed my hair, gave me a scalp and shoulder massage, gave you a drink too... and that's before the haircut. Some cute girl named Maggie cut my hair and I let her have free reign to give me something a little more stylish.

So, she gave me this spiky messy do that looks pretty good...it will look better when it grows out...and I gave her a CD in appreciation...she seemed really happy about it too.

Left, said goodbye to Daisy and went home. Might go out to dinner with Susan later...trying to stay up later... no more 5,6,7 am wake ups anymore!

Still waiting to hear from folks...c'mon...email me! You guys want anything from Taiwan? Limited luggage space...better tell me now!

uh-oh?
Monday, August 15, 2005 07:25 a.m.

dang it... still having nightmares and reliving bad memories. I really can't take this. I can't let my mind wander when i am half asleep...it just gets me so sad and upset. When I am conscious and up...I'm fine...but in that drowsy state... I am so susceptible to the hurt... anyways...

Ended up meeting with Pei-Chung (her English name is "Iris") at Sogo by Zhong Xiao Fu Xing. She rode her scooter there! Anyways, I have this joke (it's funnier in Chinese) where I go "I lok like my dad, but I'm a lot better looking"...since we never met I got to the "Hey, did you recognize me because I look like my dad?" and she was like "Well, you are much better looking"...hahah ...uh-oh.

Originally, I thought we were going to hang out in the city...but she took me all the way out to Danshui which is one of the harbor fronts. The place was lovely. Carnival games and food-on-stick (tofu, shrimp rolls, grilled squid, quail eggs, and the biggest seller...corn dogs) and just lots of kids, huge ice cream cones, famous swahn mei tang, etc... a good date place. And then she goes "this place is for 'lovers'" and "do you have girlfriend?"

Ok...so i get a little flustered and tell her the short version of where I am in my life...and how I really need to get a job as the top priority. So, I think she got the picture. She was a very nice girl though and we had a great time wandering around. She did say that she didn't have boyfriend at the moment and that she was "too ugly" ...Chinese humility. She wasn't ugly...far from it. But still... not my type. But we became good friends.

Wandered around the shops and stopped to talk a bit. She's going to Florida to study Marine Biology for her master's or doctorate. But she needs to practice her English!

Went to Jiantan station and the XiLing market... got a really good Oh Ah Jian there and was stuffed... wandered around... had a great Ai Yu Bing that was just citrusy and much needed. The crowds there were just oppressive! Like cattle...almost to the point where I would freak out because it was claustophobic.

Got the new DAI CD (I know, but it's like 10 bucks cheaper at least in Taiwan) and looked at the cart people freak out when the cops came. Lots of cute tourist girls too. FUn place...but too crowded on the weekends...may go back later in the week.

Supposed to hang out with Pei-Chung again sometime. Lots to do here...but my heart is still in NY. I need to do so much there...my career, my family, my friends, and the remnants of a heart that cared too much... just need to pick up the pieces and move on.

Time can't move faster...what's next? I'm hoping for some fun and some good stuff....and cooler weather.

Where are ya'll? I'm missing home! What's going on back there? Drop me a line, huh?

church...
Sunday, August 14, 2005 02:53 p.m.

Woke up early and went out to church. Had breakfast at MOS Burger and then walked over. Around the corner from the church was a store that was called "ensuey"... why do I still see these things?

Anyways, I was a little early so I wandered around. TONS of kids there...got the paper and went to the English service. The pastor was from the States...and he had this monotone at first that was hard to get over. But he preached on not having contempt and being humble before God. It was a good sermon...but a little unfocused at times. A lot of "foreigners" at the service and I said hi to a nice lady and a couple from overseas. Interesting to see a Presbyterian church in Taiwan...lots of similarities.

Came back and talked to Oh Young and Susan a bit... did laundry and going to meet my dad's friend's student, Pei Chung later...

Still hard for me to sleep. Still get the panic and the dread...but it's different here. I don't know if things will be better or worse when I get home...but they will be different. I'm praying for change for the better. I need to be strong and move on...no matter how much it hurts.

More later... email me! I'm getting homesick and a little lonely...

day continued...
Saturday, August 13, 2005 11:08 p.m.

Went out with my godmother and her husband Ernie to Yingge...it's out of the city and it's like a quaint artist town. Went to the Museum of Ceramics and it was as exciting as it sounds... um...they had toilets and some North American ceramic art.

What was more interesting was the shops. They had some amazing art in bronze and yes, ceramics... got some stuff for the kids, had tea, had some kind of chrabaked bun thing that was great...and then went to Szechuan food afterwards. Took pics to make my parents jealous.

Lisa finally called but I couldn't meet up with her because I was out in the mountains. Try to meet up with her later in the week.

Home, watched tv...and just feeling tired. Off to church tomorrow. I can't believe I've been here for a week already...it feels like it's been so long. More tomorrow.

big steps?
Saturday, August 13, 2005 12:09 p.m.

Ok...I think I am officially hung over. I got up at 8...and then went back to bed at 10...and now I' up and groggy and feeling a little sad. I just don't think sleeping and waking agree with me. I'm tired of feeling sad and panicky when I get up. It's just not natural.

Anyways, last night...I thought that I could stay in and watch tv and eat potato chips and feel sorry for myself (but I did apply to a job at about.com...ehunlikely but who knows?)...but I just went out by myself instead.

I went to the bar that I went to the first night. I just had a beer and just people watched. No one really to talk to...but in any case...I had been trying to find this ROXY place...but couldn't...but the bartender told me it was around the corner...so I went.

So I went into Roxy all by my lonesome and they were just playing such a weird mix of music...people went nuts when they played "Who Let the Dogs Out"...um...ok. And I had a few drinks and spotted a few cute girls...but then this one girl noticed and she kept telling her friends to look over...and then I got to nervous...so I decided against it.

There was this cute white girl and I decided to say hi since she was next to me at the bar...and then her boyfriend was talking to me... Turns out she was Russian and didn't speak much English...but her Singaporean boyfriend did and we got a long great. he told me where to go and what places were fun...and then he bought me a couple of shots of Cuervo... great. I get up the gumption to talk to someone and her boyfriend buys me drinks. Funny. Anyways... this Wei Chung guy was pretty cool.

When they left ...I talked to some Canadian dude but he was a total tool talking about having sex with Asian girls...ugh... he was trying to follow me around and get in on any "action" ...but I ditched him.

I saw some cute girl that reminded me a little of Grace...but again...her friend was turning her head and I chickened out...

I left around 230 ...but it was a big step for me...I was a little wasted and stumbled home... showered and then Susan and Oh Young came home... the Naughty By Nature interview went well and the guys were nice.

Anyways...my godmother just called so we are going to go out in a bit. She's going to take me around the city a bit. I'm a little out of it...but I need to get out and do something or I'll go crazy.

Must get over this weird sadness that just comes in waves. Need to think of the good stuff back home and just the prospects I still have there... life must go on...despite the hurt and disappointment...I'm still breathing and that counts for something.

lazy day...
Friday, August 12, 2005 09:46 p.m.

I have no idea what happened...but I think it's a combination of being really tired and allergy medicine...I just knocked out for hours. I didn't get up until like 1230. I haven't slept that long in ages. And I didn't feel good getting up either. I was still drowzy and a bit depressed. I think the meds and the weather aren't helping either.

The typhoon has swept in and it's rainy and the winds have picked up. Went out to get groceries and that was really it. Stayed in and watched tv mostly. Just didn't feel like going out with the weather this way.

My cousin is actually out interviewing Naughty By nature for the website she is working for. I was just not in the mood to go to LUXY again...but I was up for a drink or going somewhere else...but the weather is just crap. So...looks like I am staying in and just chilling for awhile.

One interesting thing is garbage... yes, you have to take your garbage to the truck at a scheduled time. A whole bunch of people show up and they heave their stuff into the truck...the best thing...the truck plays Fur Elise as it drives up the street. Too funny!

More later.... feeling a little homesick.

Craziness...
Thursday, August 11, 2005 02:49 p.m.

Whooo...what a day. Yesterday was the busiest day yet. Went to meet Daisy, her mom, and her cousin. Went to her neighborhood and talked with her mom a bit...and saw her three cats. Then went for high tea at Rose House (a chain) with her cousin Michelle. Michelle went to NYU grad for TSOL. And she's back in Taipei looking for a job. We all had a good alk over sandwiches, scones, and tea. Then the girls took me to Taipei Main Station to get some cheaper CDs. I got the DAI dvd for me, an old DAI cd I didn't have, and the Cyndi CD/DVD (she's like the pop princess here at the moment). Afterwards...came home and rested.

Went out after dinner to a meeting with the website people that Susan is working for. Met this one guy Eric that books rap artists, and he knows Young Kee! And this one girl Kay...that I thought was cute. I was like you can call me "Abraham" or "Long-long"...and she was like...that's too cute!

Anyways...came home and changed and Susan took me to this HUGE nightclub called LUXY...this place was just...ginormous. 2 floors of hip-hop and one floor of house. Susan's friend was DJing...so we danced and had a few drinks. The Taiwan club scene here is insane...lots of cute girls in hip-hop (kinda) gear...and most can't really dance. And yes, I will not be doing any blow. I promise!

Ok...so this is where it gets kooky...Kay comes along..and she's a Taipei girl...but she comes with a visor and these hot pants...and we end up dancing...well, after awhile you can't even call it dancing anymore. My goodness, that girl can move...but some of the things she was doing (to me) were illegal. Ahem...anyways...after awhile we go look for Susan in the other room...and then kate just takes off. She says she has to work early in the morning... um...that's called being a "tease" I think? Sigh... messed up. Susan told me to avoid her anyways...she has her reasons.

Went home pretty early. Oh forgot to mention that the line was literally wrapped around three times...and we just cut everyone...just snuck in... dang. Anyways...unconscious...but I got up at 6 AM again and had to make myself sleep more.

Got breakfast and did laundry again...and then my godmother called. I went out to meet her and she brought two coworkers...and one of them was playing a trick on me...he was like "where's the subway" and I was like it's here and there and yadda" and he was like "can you explain that more clearly? I meant the subway in NY"...turns out he knows my dad too.

So my godmother and Uncle Lee and Regina took me to have thai food...and free Thai iced tea! Had a good lunch and talked...they are just so funny. Their English is pretty good but I could understand their Chinese...they want me to hang out with them at a club where they play like "old" music...

Anyways, they tell me Pearson is next door to their office ("economic bureau") and I may go back to see if I can work in educational publishing...in Taiwan.

Had a good time and now I'm back and I may need a nap. Oh, the bathrooms in the MRT are super clean. I highly recommend using them.

Was supposed to go clubbing again...but I think Susan is wiped...so we might just have dinner around here or something. Ok...I need a nap.

why am i so tired?
Tuesday, August 9, 2005 10:07 p.m.

I think this lack of sleep thing is finally catching up to me. And my poor discman is eating batteries like crazy. I still can't sleep in silence...so I need to have music on. It's going to take me awhile...but without the music on...I know that my mind will be racing and I'll be thinking of things that I know will hurt me.

In any case, I was up early. Got breakfast and talked with Susan a little. Then went out to meet my dad's friend, whom I call "Ah Yu Su Su" and we had iced coffee and talked a little bit about Taiwan and the US. He let me use his spare phone, so that will make things easier. We went into the city and had a great Japanese lunch. Sashimi, eel rice, bbq eel innards, omelet rolls, octopus, and beer! I was so sleepy!

Took the MRT back, picked up some groceries...got more dragon fruit which is this amazing cactus fruit thing that is kind of red and a little artichoke like on the outside, but it's white with black seeds and tastes like kiwi. It's my fave thing here so far.

Took a nap...well kind of...from like 2-7...slept only maybe an hour or two really...then Susan woke me up and went to the Shi Da night market... lots of food!

Got milk tea with flan, stinky tofu that was really stinky!, oh ah jian, bbq skewers, and baked potato with cheese and mushrooms... came home and ate... but couldn't eat much. Just tired and full already. Sleepy. Watched "desperate housewives" and supposed to meet up with Daisy and her family tomorrow.

Just a lot of stuff to do...but I'm still kind of reeling from the stuf back home. So much I need to do when I get back...and dealing with the past... I wish I could just wake up and be over all of it...but it's going to take some time. I can't help but think of her and miss her....and I don't know when it will ever end...or if it truly ever will.

Yes, sometimes it really takes someone new to help you really get over someone...but right now, I really need to get a job. That should be priority number one.

I miss New York...and I pray that when I get back...I'll remember how much I love it there...but now...Taiwan is fun...but the heat and the sweat...ugh. At least I'm losing weight....sigh...tired. More later.

still out of it...
Monday, August 8, 2005 09:23 p.m.

Urrgh... still really jetlagged. Just got up from a nap and it's like 10 PM here.

Went out this afternoon to Taipei City Hall area and went to check out the megamalls around here. I went to Taipei 101 which is the really chi chi place with all the most expensive stores and it's inside the tallest building. I'm not sure if it's the tallest in all of Asia...but for sure it's the tallest here.

Walked around and went to Page One...a bookstore with lots of foreign stuff... so expensive ...but I was starved for reading material and got a Brit music mag.

Just after...I felt like I hit a brick wall and had to come back. I came back, read for awhile and just knocked out.

Oh Young told me that my uncle called. Which is weird because he should be far away from Taipei working...but he said he came back. So I'm not sure what's going on...but he and my cousin don't get along...so it could be weird...I dunno. Waiting for my dad to call and see what's up.

Ok...so now I'm up again and I need to get on schedule and get to sleep at a decent time tonight...so I'll try to stay up until 2ish and see if I can get over this jetlag. Taipei has been interesting...but the heat and humidity...and other things have me missing home already...

off on my own...
Monday, August 8, 2005 11:27 a.m.

Yes, jetlag has it's grip on me. Got up super early and just explored the neighborhood a bit. Then in the afternoon I went to Xi men Ding bymyself...it's just insane and packed with stores. I got some gashapon, Foo Fighters CD and DAI Live dvd that was filmed in part at the show me and Justin went to...

wandered around and just took in the craziness of the packed streets. I'm still delirious so I'm going to keep the blogs short. I'm keeping a journal of my time here so I may revisit at the end of this whole trip.

Came home and watched three ALi G dvds with Susan... and then went to bed at around 2...but then woke up at 4...and then at 6:15...so I am just out of it...and my brain is still not cooperating and I'm having nightmares on top of all of this. ugh.

Talked with Oh Young a little this morning. She seems pretty cool and works at this Japanese company. I had my sweaty morning walk and then another one and another...

Susan thinks I should get a phone ...but they aren't as cheap as she thought...and I need to get a cheap watch because mine clunked out.

Still need to make some phone calls...but meeting up with Daisy on Wednesday... it's just so hot...urrgh. I've done laundry already...and will have to again.

Still delirious and feeling weird. Jet lag. And what's up with my email? I'm not even getting spam ??

oh jet lag....
Sunday, August 7, 2005 11:08 a.m.

Last night we went out to meet Susan's friends Ryan ("Ferris" because he loves John Hughes) and Sabina (who reminded me of a redheaded Laura) at this pub... we had a few beers and it was actually a lot of fun. They both are teaching English here and are artists...they make like soft art (like hip toys and stuff) and film stuff. They both love indie rock and metal and love horror films like Evil Dead...so we had lots to talk about. Pretty cool. The pub also played really good music from SOAD, B-52s, Killers, Arcade Fire, Bravery, and new Order...and this is in the little neighborhood that my cousin lives in...well, off the main road. Still... lots of cute expat girls around...now if only I had the guts to just talk to them.

So at like 2:30 we got to Swensen's (the American ice cream change from the West Coast) it's like a chain store all over Asia and they are open 24 hours serving a weird mix of Western food. We all got the "Gourmet Mushroom Burger" which was pretty good. And there was a huge table of tourists...really cute (Cali?) girls...but super young. HAHHA.

Took a cab back and crashed around 5 AM...still can't sleep in the dark and silence so I listened to my CD player and only managed to doze off for like an hour and a half! I was up around 7 and went out to get breakfast, a journal, and explore. Came back with the paper for my cousin (Taipei Times...so thin) and ate. Got really restless and went out again.

Over to Taipower MRT Station near the night market...which is really just food stands. But found a little store that had some anime goodies...so I got Justin some Naruto cards and walked around for an hour and a half and worked up a good sweat. Came back and Susan was up right after I wrote in my journal. So, I'm going to shower and go wander around by myself for a bit.

I need to keep active or my jet lagged and over clocked brain is going to drive me nuts. I want this to be a cleansing trip and I want to be able to go home renewed and refreshed...and restored. So, lots more to do today...and I wonder when I will get tired... more later.

Anyone miss me yet? You know you can email me...

Broadcasting from Taipei...
Saturday, August 6, 2005 08:31 p.m.

After my 20 hour plane ride...I'm here.

It was a tough trip and wasn't the most comfortable. I just had a lot of time to think about where I am in my life...and I had to deal with a lot of unpleasant thoughts... and I must get on with my life. I know it will be so hard to get over so many things...but the things that I do have control over...I must concentrate on those things and do my best to overcome these trials.

Anyways...got in to Taiwan and on the bus to Taipei. The most comfortable bus ride ever! Lots of leg room and LCD screens that were showing "Kung Fu Hustle" and "House of Flying Daggers"...so off to a good start.

Got into Taipei main station and waited for Susan to pick me up. Some billboards of a certain company made me scowl...memories. But there were lots of cute girls on the street...hahha! Susan came and we took a cab back to the apartment. Caught up a bit over some dan bing breakfast and then I passed out.

I went to sleep around noon and got up around 7! I had no idea I slept that long... when I got up Susan's roommate, Oh Young was back and her friend James dropped by.

Got some dinner and watched a little tv. "LOST" is even on cable channels here...and the "Daily Show" ... we are planning to go clubbing or something later on tonight... we'll see if things work out.

Apparently the party scene here is pretty intense and all the expats/"foreigners" kind of know each other. The air here is so humid that it's hard to breathe...and my cat allergies aren't doing me any good either.

I'm feeling a little nervous and anxious here...but excited nonetheless. At first impression, I don't think I could move here...but it's fun to visit.

7-11s are everywhere...stuff is pretty cheap. The streets are packed with scooters and cars...and it's a mix of old and new... lots to see...we'll see what these three weeks will bring.

take off...
Thursday, August 4, 2005 05:27 p.m.

Another really busy day. Got up and finished some last minute errands and packing. Did laundry and talked to Eric, Elaine, and Deanna. Ready to leave soon.

Then, my phone died all of a sudden. The screen just went blank for no reason and I went to Forest Hills to get it fixed. Good news was that they gave me a new phone, bad news was ...none of my numbers transferred over. In any case, I'll try to transfer numbers over from my old phone when I get back.

I was forced to kill almost two hours in Forest Hills. Which was very tough because it still really reminds me of her because of the time we spent there. It was hard...but I made it through. I got some comics and a large Diet Coke and stayed at Mc Donalds for awhile. And then I got a great blazer at the Gap for only 40 bucks...so some good came out of it.

Came home and finished up the last of my errands in a hurry...and then finished my letter to her. I think I said all I needed to say. And I don't know if I will ever hear from her again...or what she might say if she ever were to respond. I just fear that she will only have cruel and hurtful wrds... if that's the case, I'd rather this be the end. I've said my peace and I have to...I must move on with my life. I've lived through years without her...and I'll have to do this again...and maybe this time it really will be the end.

I don't know if anyone ever gets the closure that they want or deserve...I know that a lot of it is mental and sometimes we just have to buck up and leave things as they are. God's plan is perfect. One day I'll understand why this all had to happen the way it did. I pray for God's grace and mercy...and for the redemption that I place my hope in.

So, I'm ready to go and have a good time. I'm ready for something new. I'm a little anxious and I can't shake the feeling...so, please pray for me. I'm nervous about the typhoon there, but it should pass when I get in. Please pray for a safe trip.

I'll try to blog and email when I get there. I'm hoping this will be a good change, that the tide has turned, and that when I return...life might be good again.

Amen. Take care of yourself and yours.

Can I put it all behind me?
Wednesday, August 3, 2005 06:06 p.m.

A busy day...got out early in the heat and picked up some toiletries and things for my cousin...

Dropped by the post office and dropped off a letter and the CD...and sent it to E. It's really more for me... to give me a real sense of closure. I felt that I owed it to her to be upfront about what those songs were about. I don't think she will listen to it...I don't think she will really care. And I'm pretty sure I won't hear from her. I don't even know if she lives at the same address...but it was fitting to send it out today. 3 years to the day that it ended... it seems so close...and yet really far away... I'm still hurt from it...but I think it really is behind me...at least this chapter.

But there's so much more hurt and disappointment that I'm dealing with currently...and this is what I need to deal with...and I will. It will take time but I'll be better... just give me the support that I need...and I'll make it through.

Anyways... Sunjoo came over today to hang out. I made her lunch and we just watched tv and bummed around. Man, talk about tough love. She's pretty harsh with her words...but I guess it's something different and something I need to hear. I just need to get out of this pit and get my life in gear. Find a job and just get on with it. I appreciate her coming over to keep me company and she got a bunch of stuff from me...stuff that I connect with some bad memories... but for her...it's some schwag.

Packed more. Went home, went to 7-11 with Justin, and then had dinner (well, a little) with the family and my dad went over the situation in Taiwan with relatives and family friends. So, I have a lot of stuff to do and people to offer me some advice if I do decide to move...

Came home and my Mom helped me pack... more stuff than I thought I had...but I guess I do need to bring stuff over there for my cousin and clothes for three weeks.

I'm just so grateful that my folks are supporting me through this. I know that I'm totally leaning on them through this financially...and my mom is really there for me emotionally. I can't thank them enough.

Shelb stopped by to say goodbye. I wish I had spent more time with him since he is off to Georgetown...but I had to get the packing done.

So, basically ready to go... I need to take care of a few things first...and then I'm going to try to enjoy myself and leave my problems behind for a little while. I just pray that things at home do get better and when I come back....I'll have a renewed appreciation of what I have here.

My heart is in NYC...my friends and family, my hopes and dreams...and it would pain me to admit that things here are worse and won't get better unless I left...but I'm keeping my options open. I'm taking things as they come and I'm hoping for a few pleasant surprises.

I know that God will be kind. I know that His grace and mercy will lead me through this. And whether this trip is going to affect me greatly...or if it will be a brief respite from the pain... it's yet to be seen.

All I know is I'm leaving tomorrow. Pray for a safe journey and for some serious healing. I need to get better.

Archived... and ready for change
Tuesday, August 2, 2005 09:44 p.m.

Just a very busy day... woke up feeling not too great but working out and packing helped to take my mind off things.

So, yes, I'm off to Taiwan for a few weeks.

I'm leaving Thursday night and I'll be back at the end of the month. I'm not sure what is going to happen there. I might love it and come home and pack my things and be there indefinitely...or I'll be back with a new resolve to make things better for myself here. I don't know what the future holds...all I know is I'm ready to leave on a jetplane and hoping that things get better.

With that said...I have a few letters in me that I need to get out. If anything, they are more for me. To get my peace of mind out there and to move on with my life.

Stranger things have happened before. I have no idea who God chooses to be in my life and when...but I can't hold onto a hope that she'll be back one day. I don't know if she will or she won't...all I know is that my life has to continue and I have to make myself better.

So, Taiwan is a real option. I looked at a few websites and they are hiring for so many different things...all of which I could be qualified for. My dad told me to treat this trip like a vacation...but honestly, I'm taking this seriously. If I could have a better life there, if I could find my happiness away from all these ghosts and ill memories...then I am willing to make a fresh start. I don't know if things will work out that way...or if I will find something back here...but there is hope again.

I'm excited and scared at the same time. I know I've been disappointed beyond belief this year...and I know that nothing is what it seems...but I have to still take risks and get out there. I have so much to offer...I have so much heart and an intellect that I know can better the world...or at least a few lives. I want to be of use.

I know that God has a plan for me...and things will work out. I just need the faith to carry on.

Doris called me from St. Thomas today...and I'm so glad she cares enough to take time off from her vacation to call. And I talked to Eunice before she left for Cali/Vegas. I think we all need a vacation.

Talked to Amy and she's got a cool job (working with cars and helping with reading...it's hard to explain, but it's cool) and she's moving in with Charlotte! Things are picking up...I'm just hoping that this wave of "things getting better" reaches me soon.

Sabrina is doing well...and I'll see her in a few weeks at Nancy's wedding... we talked a bit...about things that are going on, the big changes and Harry Potter. :P

Also talked to Jen Tse and she's moving to Santa Clara for law school...she finally quit her job and is heading toward better things. Talked to Christin too...it's been awhile and she's doing well...and we do have our promise to marry each other if we are still single...I thought it was 40...but she said it was 30. HHAHAH! Hey, you never know....

Talked to Laura too...and she finally moved out and is living with some actress girl she found through craigslist. She's in Williamsburg now and is doing really well. She wants me to hang out with her and meet some artsy fartsy girls in Brooklyn...which might be good when I get back.

I've got a ton of things to do before I take off... things to get for my cousin, things I need to pack, bills I need to take care of before I leave, stuff like that. And now I hear there is a typhoon heading towards Taiwan this weekend...oh, boy.

And yes, I have a few words that need to be released also.

I'm actually up for playing a benefit concert in October. Fred's (Chris' best friend) sister is putting together a show and she listened to my CD. She's pushing the board to get me on the bill...so it looks like it's a big production. She says she has three favorites already...

Lots going on. I'm hoping that August will help me put the rest of the summer behind me. I'm hoping that good things are just around the bend...or on the other side of the world.