see ya February!
Wednesday, February 28, 2007 11:54 p.m.

Ok, I am officially ready for winter to be over. Rain and warmer temperatures are heading our way. yay.

Work...pretty light today...finished all I needed to get done...tomorrow and friday might be some heavy stuff...but I can deal...though I may have to go in during the weekend or bring stuff home if things are late...ugh.

I just have SOOOO much to do now. I don't know how I ended up getting so insanely busy. ARRRGH! Music stuff, poetry stuff, job stuff...and mercury is still in retrograde!

I am very excited about the school thing...going to be a very full day...I get to read, maybe sing, and teach...awesome! Cannot wait!

Some new show before lost...Jane Seymour was on it...and DAYAAAM...she is HOT! How old is she now?!?!?

Gotta finish freelance stuff tomorrow night and get stuff ready for gig...I have less than two weeks to practice! OH MAN...

busybusybusy.

good news!
Tuesday, February 27, 2007 10:43 p.m.

Two doses of news! One is ranked "ok" the other is "pretty darn good" :

First: last night I wrote two head honchos. One at Vertigo (DC) and one at Marvel. And at 9:30 this morning, I got an email from DC person. Impressed with my resume, no openings right now, but keeping me in mind. And let me tell you, she has hiring power is VERY well respected, and worked on some of my FAVORITE comics of all time. I am thrilled with "ok" news.

Second: This really elite school in NJ has invited me to read and teach for a day...and they are going to pay me 500 bucks! WHOAH! I guess I must be "mildly famous" enough that they would seek me out and invite me for their writing festival. Man, I have to get a few awesome lessons ready...who knows, maybe I can land a job over there.

Anyways, work is winding down...but still insanely busy. It should all be over by mid-week...NEXT week. I have so much to do...I am so tired. Freelance stuff, gig prep, festival prep, comic con follow ups...just loads.

Went for "finished product" drinks with my coworkers...only thing is... my project isn't finished yet. Sigh... but still, drinks and snacks on the company dime is still good.

More to discuss...but too tired...but that's plenty of news anyways. More work tomorrow...urrgh.

back to the real world...
Monday, February 26, 2007 10:08 p.m.

Pretty much a non-stop work day...crappy weather and more snow...and a ton of work...and some bad news.

My coworker's dad passed away...she knew it was coming...but no one thought it would be this soon. I hope she's ok...I can only be there for her when she gets back.

Pretty much all today. Comics and getting some follow-up emails ready to go... also some freelance stuff I have to do this week. Busy, busy...good to keep my mind off the sad and stagnant things.

At least Monday is over. On to the rest...

NYCC--Sunday
Sunday, February 25, 2007 09:33 p.m.

another long day....here are the highlights:

Got in around 1030-11...made a beeline to Artists' Alley and got Neal Adams to sign something for me and for my friend Sean and his family...then got some more Greg Horn stuff...he should remember me by now.

Went to the Brian K. Vaughn signing and talked to him for a good bit. I gave him my CD and he said he would pop it in his ipod soon. Cool...who knows.

Met up with one of my coworkers..."JR" and her friend. She actually likes a lot of geeky stuff...wow...cute and cool...anyways...wandered around with them for a bit...then met up with Justin for a little bit.....and got more Coheed stuff signed.

More wandering and then it was time for the BKV panel. I ended up singing a bit of Hotel California...because he made a joke before...anyways...asked a question to BKV and his editor...and afterwards went to shake his hand...and he remembered my name...very cool.

Met up with JR and her friend for a little bit...looking for Haden Panitterre...but she was gone...but did see Ray park and Gary Coleman...went back down and won a t-shirt for this PS2 singing game...

Most important thing...talked to Jim from Marvel..we've kept in touch for two years now...and it was good to finally meet him. We talked about his sketches he bought from Steve McNiven...Civil War original stuff...gorgeous. Chatted a little...and then Mac came by...talked to her a bit etc...very cool.

By the end of it...a few more pics and then we left. Had a good time with Justin...got lots of free stuff...autographs, art prints, a few trades...and a TON of contacts that I must follow up on! Good time...I'll be there again next year.

Went to Chipotle...and then home...family was over for a bit...but I was so tired...and then uploaded photos etc...anyways...good time was had by all. I am exhausted...and work is going to be super tough this week...ugh.

Anyways...lots to digest...but check out the FLICKR page for the cool stuff I got. Hope I get a job...if not...it was worth it for the fun.

NYCC--Part 1 and 2
Saturday, February 24, 2007 10:20 p.m.

Oh, man...where do I start. I am so exhausted...but I'll just list some highlights.

Friday: So, I got in early as a "professional" (thank you AI!) so I was privy to a lot of stuff before the general public.

Things I bought: I FINALLY got Absolute Danger Girl...and it was 25% off which is great considering it is OOP and really hard to find. Then I got these GORGEOUS prints of Greg Horn's work...3 of them for 20 a piece...but so worth it. He is one of my favorite artists...and I actually talked to him for a while and gave him one of my CDs...may go back and pick up a few more.

Everything else was free. I got posters, DVDs, shirts, buttons, etc...etc...

Panels: I went to the Editor's Buzz one and there were Marvel, DC, and manga editors there...in a room of maybe 25 people. Anyways, it was amazing cause I got to talk to DD from DC and AA from Marvel afterwards. Sadly, it looks like DC doesn't really hire much editorial...I had a good talk with DD and he was a really nice guy who was a straight shooter. I appreciate the honesty. I had an even better talk with AA...he told me how he got his start...he had an unusual name and the guy hired him because he remembered reading one of his articles. I explained my two year pursuit...chatted him up, gave him a resume and a CD and found that we had a mutual friend...

It gets better. I ran into my friend that I went to HS with...and she is the Director of Development at a new comic company with great backing...we caught up a litttle...and she said she would vouch for me...so....maybe I do have another shot at Marvel...

Anyways...Justin came in at 4 and we wandered around getting free stuff. Just tons of it. Nasty part...I totally walked into some nerd's fart cloud. Got to hear Stan Lee speak...and went to DC and Marvel panels which were very cool...

Made a TON of connections with lots of publishers. I have all these business cards and people to follow up with. So much so that I can't even remember...but I plan to get cover letters and resumes out in the next week or two.

So much more...but I am exhausted...so let's just get to Saturday.

Folks actually gave us a ride cause we were so tired from before....so we got in and bypassed the huge line and made it to the first panel--Buffy cast! Juliet Landau was the biggest name since Nicholas Brendan was a no-show. Some other members of the Buffyverse/Firefly U...pretty cool...

We stuck around and next was Kevin Smith chairing the BSG panel...which was just Q and A and KS talking about how much he loved the show. Tricia Helfer and James Callis were both very cool.

After that...met up with my friend Amber and her friend Amanda...I introduced her to my friend...and to Greg Horn so she could do some work for her gallery...only got to hang out a little...but I did give her a bday present...

Off to meet Claudio from Coheed and Cambria...took some pics with him and got him to sign my CD cover. Justin got so much signed from him...

After that...checked out the Wes Craven panel...and stayed for Kevin Smith's panel...some funny stories...much like his college tour...I didn't get a chance to ask a question...but I was tired and there was so many nerds lining up...oh, well...he didn't stick around to sign anything either.

More exhibitor's hall stuff...more free stuff. Justin won a Ghost Rider video game! That's worth like 50 bucks!...more wandering around...made connections at Imaginasian TV and hung out waiting for Wizard folks...anyways...it was a packed day. I need some serious sleep...more tomorrow.

so excited!!!
Thursday, February 22, 2007 11:37 p.m.

Well, got a lot done at work...and I'm at the point where I kinda don't care anymore. I just want this project to be over and done with...which it will be next week, basically.

My friend who is in Japan wants me to go visit ...badly. He just got married...so I think he's trapped in this wonderland...and he needs someone to play with him...other than his wife. Hey, if I can find a cheap flight...I am so there!

Getting stuff ready for Comic Con...I cannot wait! I just don't want to get my hopes up too high. But I so desperately want to talk to someone about working in the comic industry. I need to make a connection and just milk it. In any case, I think it will be a lot of fun...so much stuff to do...I don't know how I will manage. I'll be there bright and early...just hope I don't run out of steam too quickly!

Ok...enough chit chat. Going to bed...and I am ready for a weekend of fun. WOOOOO !!!

tired...but can't sleep
Wednesday, February 21, 2007 11:12 p.m.

too much crap running through my head. my body is exhausted...but I have all this stuff on my mind...work, music, NYCC, girl problems, friend issues, etc...ugh.

Work...anxious. My pages are late...I still have about 2 weeks to wrap up this project...but I just want it to be over and done with already. I may not get anything tomorrow either... so...next week might be super stressful.

Came home...worked on vocals...and I think I nailed it. I am so tired of fiddling around. I just want to mix it down right and be happy with it already. sheesh.

LOST...ok...Bai Ling...I think she is gross...she just looks like she has an STD or something...and I was watching Conan on DVR...and Heather Graham...she looks innocent and sweet...but it seems like all her roles are overtly sexual...eh. Who am I to judge...she's still hot...but Bai Ling... yeeeeuccch. grody.

Comics....yes, Civil War is over...and it sets up what happens in the Marvel U next...another event...leads to another...and if it ever gets back to the status quo....hmmm..but yeah, I kinda can see the pro- and anti- reg sides of the conflict. Ok, no one reading this knows what the heck I am talking about. So...Iron Man is now in charge of SHIELD...and Captain America is in prison...still underground heroes...and now the INITIATIVE...a superhero team for every state. Some interesting possibilities...

DC stuff...52 is hit or miss...but this week's was pretty awesome...poor Ralph...there's more to the story...and there's more to Animal Man's next issue. I love having a weekly comic.

Oh...and in geek news...BSG panel at NYCC---Caprica Six and Gaius Baltar...with Kevin Smith presiding! Let the nerdgasm commence.

Sigh...I am pathetic and geeky...that's all I got at the moment.

The Swimsuit Issue...
Tuesday, February 20, 2007 10:55 p.m.

Yup...good ol' SI. The top three: Marissa Miller, Bar Refaeli (hottest Jewish girl I've ever seen), and Beyonce....best photo...Marissa Miller with just an (old) ipod. Goodness...that's a thing of beauty.

Got work done...not much else. Came home worked on recordings...and almost done with a bunch of them...a few I need to retool...and one song I thought was done...oh man...I gotta replace all the vocals...FLAT. Ugh.

Doris is off to Vegas...and if I can get my vacation time and some cash...I want to go to Tokyo...in any case...the friend of a friend she mentioned...well, she's in Chicago...and she has the same name as my sister-in-law...D'OH!

Morrissey is going to announce North American tour dates within the next two weeks! OH MAN !!!

Anyhoo...I got Comic Con and wrapping up this project to keep me occupied.

Civil War ends tomorrow...and I read spoilers and I'm not thrilled. Read some 52 spoilers and...yipes. I may be more excited for that.

I need someone to share my geeklove.

tired...and rejuvenated.
Monday, February 19, 2007 11:08 p.m.

ugh...my mom woke me up at 1000...and then she didn't even get here until 2! So much for sleeping in on my day off...in any case... my aunts came over and we all had brunch with my grandparents, Nina and Chris were home too...and then just watched a little tv until everyone left.

So, I think I am almost done with this first batch of songs. I am so glad I worked more on these...the last minute epiphanies and reduxes made the songs so much better. I just have to know when to stop so I don't mess up the songs any more. Redone vocals, a new guitar part, a new beat here, a new harmony...so far everything has made the songs better. I am THRILLED. I cannot wait to put these songs out for people to here. Some of the best and creative stuff I've ever done...and for some of them...my gosh...I can't believe it...but you can even dance to them. How weird.

Here's a weird story. I was working on this new guitar solo/riff thing for one of the songs...and I was like "wait...I didn't record a harmony for this song"...and I was like..."am I actually HEARING the harmony in my head" maybe it was some weird resonance thing...but anyways...today...I went in and recorded the harmony part in less than 10 minutes...because I thought I heard it so clearly...was that divine inspiration or what???

So...the song that I thought would get trashed: "leading you astray"...because I couldn't figure out a beat...now is one of my best songs. I figured out the beat and it's almost like "Jack and Diane"....and it sounds frakkin' amazing. After Comic Con...or if I can squeak in some time after work...I'm going to start mixing down these songs...and then wow...I will be done with half the album...I should be able to record and get everything mixed by May...and if I can get the album art done...the new CD will be done in June or July...wow...I'm actually doing this. I can't believe it.

Anyways, that was my little excitement this weekend. Creative pursuits and such...it staves off the loneliness...but hey, wouldn't it be great if I had someone to share these songs with? Sigh...it's still a dream.

I am so sick of hearing myself talk about this.

Work tomorrow...short but brutal week...the thaw is coming...then COMIC CON !!! WOOOOOO !

Alias
Sunday, February 18, 2007 11:29 p.m.

Watched a lot of ALIAS today...dang good show. Watched a little of the NBA All-Star game...but ended up recording some guitar parts instead...I'll probabably watch some tomorrow with Chris.

I don't know what it is about weekends...but I just feel so tired and rundown... my aunts and uncle came over...had dinner with them...and fought the urge to fall asleep.

Heard more about the kid...sounds like he was depressed for a while and he was a gun fanatic...such a bad mix and a sad ending. I am so glad for gun laws here...

and as for me...I really feel like I am stronger for having to go through all that crap two years ago...if I can live through that...I think I can manage with a dose of the winter blues.

Man, I gotta start running again. I'm glad I lifted weights all winter...but I gotta lose some of the chub soon. Ugh. I feel gross...and yet I ate that last piece of cake. Buying crap is definitely a better way to deal with depression.

BSG...what is going on? Such weak and sappy episodes the past few weeks...we need some tension and action already...enough with the lull...but it got me thinking...I want to marry someone like Mary McDonnell...she is a WOMAN. Dang.

Ok...it's only 11:30 and I got up at 1...and I am so sleepy already...urrrgh. Blahs.

Happy Chinese New Year
Sunday, February 18, 2007 12:39 a.m.

I am just exhausted. I slept until 1 and watched "The Departed" ...which was just as good as the original. Then I had to clean up the house since the family was coming here...something I didn't know about until the last minute. Anyways, I was just tired...from work, from Comic Con/resume prep...from not being able to sleep because things keep echoing in my brain.

In any case...half my family came...my uncle's wife was sick so they didn't come...and my other two aunts...went to a funeral.

I had no idea...my mom told me the story. I actually met the kid years ago...my aunts' coworkers kid. He committed suicide...sounds like it was debt problems...but probably something else as well. So sad...I met the kid when he was an infant...only 21...and it just totally brought me down. It's such a tragedy...I can only imagine what this woman's family is going through. My folks went to her daughter's wedding a year or so ago...so it's just insanely sad.

In any case, NBA all-star stuff...but I was just in a bad mood because of all of this...and I just got annoyed at everything for a while. I seriously need some time to mellow out...just not feeling all that well...and this time I don't mean physically.

Not sure if it's just the winter blues or all the disappointment and stress...but I just feel on edge...like something is wrong and I don't know what it is...I'm lonely...but then again, I can't stand people.

And this kid's story...honestly, it is a miracle that I am still here considering all that happened two years ago--unemployed, losing my dream job when I came so close, severely depressed, feeling like I lost the love of my life, having people I care about dealing with unexpected deaths, divorces, illnesses...and feeling absolutely helpless--like the world was coming to and end...and just when I thought things were getting better...my grandfather was hospitalized...and I was there for 12 hour shifts...listening to people screaming in the halls, seeing things that no grandchild who is proud of his grandfather should see...and being all alone in the dark of the hospital...I mean, looking back on it...I think I did have a nervous breakdown...I remember just being numb and crying a lot...and not saying much....but I bounced back...all of it just happened within a 6-8 week period almost two years ago.... with a few months in between before my grandfather got sick...and honestly, the fear of hell...the fear of not seeing Justin grow up, the fear of...you know...those are probably the only two things that kept me from doing anything stupid. But...I've never felt so close to being capable of doing it. Can you blame me? I can't even look at what I wrote two years ago. I can't even bring myself to remember what that time was like... even typing this stuff out...it's just a list now...I can't or I won't recall the details...it's just a blank now...and I'm still not completely over it all.

But in light of "hitting rock bottom"...things have only gotten better...even if I find it hard to admit. I'm still here, I'm still capable of change...things can get better. I have to remind myself daily to care...a lot of stuff seems like a blur from back then...and I think I blocked a lot of it out...but I remember the thoughts that went through my head...I remember the darkness that threatened to consume me...and it is a terrible place to be.

Yeah, I'm not happy. At times I feel absolutely miserable...but I get out of bed and I pray every day that God forgives me for my hate and shame and distrust...and I pray for healing and for my life to be worthy of something more than this.

I'm tired of the pity party. But I'm also tired of doing things for others...and being let down.

I keep saying that I want someone to take care of me...but when it comes down to it...would I really let some one? I'm damaged and I am unfit to really open up any more. But can that honestly change? Is there someone out there that is capable of loving someone so unlovable?

I'm exhausted and I'm rambling...I'm sorry. I need to be more selfless and understanding...but I'm trapped in this spiral of doubt. Only thing that will heal it is God's mercy and time...and maybe a few cigarettes and a cocktail or two.

Light and dark...it's all there. I'm hoping for brighter days.

wrapping up the week
Friday, February 16, 2007 11:55 p.m.

Work...got a lot done. Only a few pages to go and I will meet my deadline on Tuesday...and then one final big batch...and all of this will be DONE! On to the next project...until I can get a job in the comic book industry.

Supposedly my horoscope says that this is a major year of planning where I am supposed to map out big changes that will come to fruition next year. Next two years are supposed to be awesome...but of course...I don't put much creedence into stuff like that.

Anyways, had lunch with the gang and it was J's last day in SS ...he's moving on to Music..which is awesome. He is really my bro... glad to have at least one guy friend now!

H is just weird...she grabbed me for a choco run and threw one over the wall to me. She was checking her voicemail and this guy was like..."NEXT...didn't mean to sound like a douchebag..." and she was like "Bye, douchebag!"...and he replied "have a nice weekend!"...only in New York.

Anyways, Target run for some junk food and supplies...cause I was feeling depressed...ate, watched tv, and recorded. I am so glad that I am revisiting some of these songs...the new beats and vocals I am laying down make them sound sooooo much better. I am so excited to get this batch done and mix it down...that's half the album right there! And then the second half should be easier since I know how the beats will work. I just hope people will think the new songs are as good as I think they are.

Now, if only I could get some groupies. I deserve some.

Ok, weekend...family stuff for Chinese New Year, must watch The Departed and more Alias...get stuff ready for Comic Con...and then record more. Pretty busy...and no girls involved.

Next week...big week of work and fun. I cannot wait to get these pages done...and then off for three days of nerdiosity....and Cindy will be home in a few weeks! I am thrilled!

TGIF... who needs women....ok, fine..I do. But I've got other stuff in the mix. So, what are you up to?

frightful...
Thursday, February 15, 2007 10:44 p.m.

I am officially sick of winter. I just want spring to come already.

Work...winding down...by the end of tomorrow...I should be just about 3/4 way done with this project for good. I cannot wait.

The thing about couples is...no one knows what is best for them. People have different motivations and time tables. That's completely fine. But I for one feel like there are so many alternatives to the norm...why put off what you can do tomorrow when you can do it today? Who knows...all I'm saying is that I'm not one for pomp and circumstance. I believe in simple (but deep) truths...and if you love someone...well, why not just take the plunge and not worry about the ceremonies and the pleasantries? If anything...Eric and Charlotte don't have a lot of money...and they took the plunge...and it all worked out beautifully. Well, each to his or her own.

I'm just eons away from anything like that...but when I find her...I'm not going to hesitate. I'm pretty sure I'll know sooner or later if it's going to work. Simply...the 6 month mark...and yeah, I'm getting a ring...someway somehow...but of course...these are all dreams...and you know what they say about the best laid plans.

Took the train home with K for the first time. Neighbors! Fun...

Not fun...dumb dog peed in my room. Kinda fun...working on recordings again. I think with a few more minor tweaks...I'm ready to clear the hard drive and work on the next batch of songs. Should be soon. I just need a little time...and then...I can start laying down more tracks. I want to finish this album by June...we'll see if it works out that way.

Eh...I'm still kinda sad. I really wish things with the new girl worked out. It's not over...but it feels like it is. I don't want to try so hard any more. I deserve better than this.

So, I'm predicting...sometime in the middle of March...something good is going to happen. Right before the winter thaw...I think something majorly awesome is going to happen for me. I'm predicting it. Let's see if I'm right or if this wishful thinking is just foolishness.

TGIF...I'm still here.

here comes the fear...
Wednesday, February 14, 2007 11:13 p.m.

What a crappy Valentine's Day...the snow outside is brutal. The wind and the sleet...just awful. Work...wasn't so bad. I cleared my plate today. And I can definitely say that it's almost over. I think in 2-3 more weeks this will all be a memory.

Ate too much today, got comics, got a whole bunch of dvds...all just so I would be preoccupied. Even recorded some...haven't done that in ages...and it took my mind off the fear...

One of my biggest fears is that I will die alone. That I will die without knowing what it feels like to be truly loved by a woman. I'm just not good at this. I don't think any girl has ever loved me in my life thus far...and I'm scared that I'll never find that. I'm terrified that this cycle of disappointment and heartache will be perpetual and ...finite. I'm so, so tired of being let down and hurt. I'm sick of being lonely.

So, if you think you have it bad...can you imagine dealing with the problems of life and never having the feeling of that someone to support and comfort and kiss you and tell you everything is going to be alright? Can you imagine dealing with the everyday struggles, the life and death ones, the silly moments, the crises, the big and small....dealing with it by yourself. And no...don't say you "have your friends and family and God"...because it's not the same. It really isn't.

Don't pretend to know my misery and frustration...I bet it has been a long time for you. I don't want empathy or sympathy...I want a proactive revolution of my friends and family...actively helping me to find someone...because obviously...I can't do this myself. I always pick the wrong ones...or they pick me.

So, shut up and help me already.

I honestly think people are just lazy or they just don't care enough to really try. "Oh, you'll find someone." What you are saying is "It's not really my problem...I have problems of my own."....and when I'm there for your problems and I go out of my way to help...well, here's your turn to help me.

I'm just waiting for someone to step up and just be like "I hear your single...I have a friend who is blah blah blah. Would you like to meet him?" Easy. Am I really that weird and unlovable that out of the hundreds of people that my friends, family, acquaintances know...that not one of them would even be remotely interested in meeting me?

I know I'm pathetic. I have no pride left in this matter. Honestly, I have done some truly amazing things in my life. I've done things that I never imagined I could do...but that one thing...I fail and I try again...and I fail some more. It makes me want to give up and just accept the fact that it really is me...that something is wrong with me...and I can't fix it.

I hope it isn't God's way of punishing me...I want it to be a life lesson...that I will come out of this victorious. But as the years go by...I just want this pain to end. When things ended with "S" it was emotional pain....and physical. I had a lump in my throat for at least a month. I could feel it killing all the joy left in me. Now...I just feel numb.

I joke about how emotional and sensitive I can be...but it's always at least half true. I have literally wept from loneliness....I have wept and laid prostrate on the floor because of my failures and disappointments.

If that doesn't stir you to help me...then maybe I'm not really someone you care about. No more excuses. I just want the people that love me to ACT for once. What's the worst that could happen? I mean, I have a coworker that I've only known for a few months going out of her way to find someone for me...

Ok...I have to end my little rant. I'm just making myself upset and for what...a stupid made up holiday? Crappy weather? Too much work? Maybe all of it...but in the end...I'm the one to blame. I'm not tough enough to keep doing this. I'm not strong enough to be alone anymore.

Can you imagine how lonely I've been...and for this long? Can you imagine the repeated failures? Can you imagine it all coming back to you in one cold, bitter, dark day?

It can't go on like this much longer. One way or another...it has to end.

Death or life...together or alone.

news...
Monday, February 12, 2007 11:34 p.m.

Ok...so she wrote. And I am still confused. Basically, she said that she's been insanely busy with everything going on in her life...and that she thinks we have potential...but when faced with potential...she gets ambivalent. Which sounds to me like..."she's not that into you."

Then again, she still says she wants to have a second date...and she would have loved to see me play (as a second date)...but she's getting her wisdom teeth pulled and will be out of the office and on painkillers. So, I guess it's not a closed book...but at the same time...I'm tired of working so hard until she makes up her mind.

So, I guess I'm in limbo still because I do think we could have something...and isn't it the guy's job to pursue the girl?

I don't want to give up yet...but if she doesn't cave...I guess I may have to move on.

This totally and completely sucks...so unless there is some Valentine's Day miracle...I'm going to be stuck alone. Again.

Gig tomorrow...work was work...nothing else to report.

I'm not in a bad mood...just frustrated. In more ways than you can imagine.

Weekend of...food.
Sunday, February 11, 2007 11:04 p.m.

Ugh...my stomach still hurts. Whole family went out to East Buffet and we stuffed ourselves silly. The rest of the weekend was basically just recovering. Played some XBox 360 with Eric and Charlotte. Pretty much it.

Oh...and watching ALIAS...I LOVE THIS SHOW. I can't believe it took me so long to watch it. On Season 2 now. I think I should be done with the whole series by March sometime.

Worked on my letter to comic book editors and such...and also going to work on my poetry/music artist residency.

Anyways... a lot of stuff on my mind. I'm glad I'm keeping busy...otherwise I think I might go crazy. Got to get some more ALIAS in before bed.

Gotta be productive this week...just gotta.

My baby done all growed up!
Friday, February 9, 2007 11:51 p.m.

Work...well, got a lot done and I can actually picture the end of all of this crap. I can't wait to get out of the computer files and just work on paper...and just be happy with the end of this crap. Just a few more weeks!

Ok...H keeps talking about farts...and she called me and was like "ahhhh" after she had some Diet Coke...so weird. And I hung out with K and her friend...who is cute. And...well, looks like she might be joining us for karaoke soon.

Anyhoo...stopped by the office "art" party for a little bit. Bought a sexy painted postcard...and this one guy had all these pics of flowers...that just looked dirty. Man.

Raced back to catch Justin's Battle of the Bands...first band...sang Green Day's "Basketcase"...the guy had a very broadway voice...but the song was like three times too slow. Justin's band did MCR's "DEAD!" and I was so proud of him. He didn't sing the best...but he had great stage presence and had such a cute EMO outfit. Pointing to the crowd and dropping down on his back at the last note. I ran up to the stage and I was like ...gimme a high five! But he got shy and ran off...I thought I embarassed him. (more later)

Some band with a chick singer did "What's My Age/Video Killed/Boom Boom"...um..a little annoying. Next...a band did Joe Satriani's "Surfing with the Alien"...I could only hear the bass...and the bassist did a Jason Newsted hairspin and looked like...Jason Mewes.

After that some crappy band with some crappy song...and then the fan fave...they did Taking Back Sunday and I think Fall Out Boy...but the mic died and the kid just went on and on...and was oblivious. Moron. With dumb emo hair. SUCKED...and all these kids raided the stage and almost got the band disqualified...I guess that's why Justin didn't gimme a high five...then total awesomeness..."JAY" played in another band that did.... IRON MAIDEN! They played "The Clairvoyant"...holy crap! I couldn't believe these kids...I loved it.

Afterwards...a lot of people left and didn't stay for the band's encore ...cause they knew they sucked. Justin came out and I hugged and kissed the crap outta that kid. So proud of him...it runs in the family! He was beaming...I was so glad. My big baby!

Went to BK with my mom and dad...(oh my mom got a camcorder so we got it all on tape) and then went home and waited for Eric and Char...more junk food...and then finally home.

Family buffet time tomorrow...and I am so beat. Cannot wait to watch some ALIAS...and then I gotta rehearse for my gig...and then collapse. What a long day. Anyways...the fan fave won...and Maiden cover kids came in second.

work...
Thursday, February 8, 2007 10:43 p.m.

not so bad since I got a lot done and the light at the end of the tunnel is definitely in sight. March 3rd...or just about...that's when this project gets put to bed. Just have to hang in there for a few more weeks.

Could not sleep last night since I am weaning myself off the Nyquil...but it got me thinking about a proposal for my artist's residency. I want to do a confessional performance piece. "Confessional poets"...that's the school of writing that I belong to. I want to do like a VH1 Storytellers thing...like 5 poems and 5 songs...and discuss where fact meets fiction...when the poem or lyrics take over and become their own reality. I think that's the seed of the idea. I need to work on the proposal and soon.

Anyways, K was down today...she has psychic powers and she feels like something is wrong...poor thing. Another of my friends had something bad happen...so bad that she won't tell me. I hope things are ok. I'm here if you need me. You know who you are.

Met up with Eunice and took her out for her bday. Went to Samba Le...food was pretty good...but the water glasses smelled like fish! WTF!??!? Anyways, we had a good converstation about the state of our worlds...so much has happened lately...it's hard to keep track. Her bday is tomorrow...so...it was an early celebration.

But today...is HER birthday...and yeah, I did think about her a little. But it's over. I'm moving on. Yes, if things worked out...today was probably the day I would have proposed to her. So...that's one path not taken. A heart broken...and a love buried. Goodbye. I never want to see you again.

Work...office party...weekend with the family. TGIF, kids. Life goes on...and on...and on. Hallelujah.

I am a CATCH...
Wednesday, February 7, 2007 11:42 p.m.

...more on that later. Work...well, I almost flipped out again. It's one thing if someone doesn't understand a directive...it's another when they say it is "RESOLVED" when they haven't done anything. I was seriously gonna clear a table and just start knocking crap off.

Anyways, had lunch with K and C...good to chill out with the gals. H has been talking up this guy she is seeing...um...he sounds like a total dork. But, whatever. I am so over it. What the heck was I thinking? It's one thing to have a "preference"...it's a whole other thing to be ...obsessed with some one else's culture. Eh, each to his or her own.

Anyways, comics... awesome. I got a LOAD of awesome deals...including two Avengers trades that were out of print (by one of my fave writers also) which were going for big bucks on ebay...and I got them for 5 bucks each at my awesome LCS (local comic store)...thank you, Midtown!

Home to find some awesomely cute anime figures that I ordered last SUMMER...they finally arrived and so worth it. This one cute figure...this witch girl, totally cute and goth...and she has this big ass jack o' lnatern as a skirt! Insanely cute.

Ok...why I think I am a catch. I'm just basically trying to make myself feel better because this girl is taking her sweet time to get back to me. (Apparently, she is at a conference this week...how did I know? Yeah, I emailed her again to see if she was free. It could explain a lot...if the whole time she was prepping for a three day conference. I'm giving her the benefit of the doubt.)

Anyways...I am a great writer. It's a rare thing for anyone to see my e-mails or letters when I am a-courting...but ok...here's something that's a little personal. One of my ex's...in the middle of a heavy makeout session...I can't remember what I said...but she just sighed "your words, your words"...yeah.

I'm a frakking award winning poet. I better have some good words in my arsenal. I know I am a great performer. I'm a decent guy who is earnest. I mean what I say and I stick by the ones I love. I've got an insanely juicy brain. (to quote Layla Miller..."I know stuff"...ahem...and not just geeky stuff either.) I pride myself on being able to strike up a conversation with just about anyone and have at least one tie to them. Something in my wealth of knowledge that I know will connect with them on a personal level.

I am an immensely loving person...and forgiving. I am thoughtful and I notice the details that matter to YOU. Ok, I'm not the most handsome...but I could totally be hot if I laid off the cookies. I've been lifting weights all winter and my arms and shoulders are insane. Now I just got to wait for the thaw and start running and burn off the hibernation fat.

I have a decent sense of style. I'm sensitive...but I can be tough when I have to. I can be very protective in a papa/mama bear sort of way. I am welcoming. I share friends and I try to get along with everyone. I have firm beliefs and good morals....though I won't force them on you. I know what's what.

I was born to be a dad. I've taken care of so many kids...done the whole thing. I love them and I can't wait to meet my sons and daughters. I may be a lousy boyfriend because I'm not enough of an @$$hole for some girls (admit it...stop lying to yourself...ALL girls like that)...but I'm going to be one mighty fine husband. I'm good at taking care of people. Ask my friends and family.

Um...I have weird interests...which SOMEONE out there must find endearing or at least somewhat adorable. I...I know stuff, ok?

Anyways, I'm tired of trying to convince myseld. Self-worth is such a tricky thing. In the eyes of God...everyone is special and precious. But our identity is such a fragile thing. We humans are weak and easily torn down by an unkind word or action. If we could only aspire to greatness...

But in the end...we need a frakking pep talk every once in a while. It's kind of sad I have to do it for myself.

Tried and true: I am human and I need to be loved.

Just carrying on for now.

in the zone...
Tuesday, February 6, 2007 10:37 p.m.

I was in such a good mood today after work...because I did a lot of work and just got it out of the way. Looks like my troubles end before the end of February. Got my tentative schedule and just before or just at the beginning of March...this project is in the can. I'm just imagining how good I will feel when it is over. But just a few more weeks of late nights and working weekends...and whew...

Frakking freezing out there. Came home, walked the dog, dinner, comics...and Veronica Mars...um...can we say nekkid Kristen Bell back?!?!? Can we say...adorable side ponytail?!?!? So cute.

And I wrote a song...it took me like 20 minutes and I think it's almost done. Might need a bridge...but it's the first time I have any "lai-lai-lai" stuff in a song...and of course it ends with "lie to me"...I think it's going to be called "One Night With You"...um...no need to ask what the inspiration was...ahem.

And yes, now word on that front either. Looks like I am spending Valentine's Day alone...again. bleh. Comics and DVD overload that day. Looking forward to it.

pppbbbt.

frigid
Monday, February 5, 2007 07:16 p.m.

It is flippin' freezing. I spent the day working from home and actually got more done than I would have at the office. But it's almost too cold to sleep. I tried to take a nap but I was too cold...I can't seem to seal up the draft in my room and it's gonna be rough tonight.

One thing that really puzzles me...back in the day I guess I mentioned some of my friends by name...and apparently some stupid joke (wasn't even a joke) is getting brought up...and I cannot even change it since it was archived. And apparently this stupid site doesn't have a function where you can go in an change archived pages. GAH ! I would if I could...and honestly...this page is so far off the beaten path...I'm not even sure how anyone other than my close friends and the people using the same software even know where this is...I was blogging in 2001! it's been years!

And seriously, if someone believes EVERYTHING you find about someone else on the internet...gah, that just says a lot about someone. Please, every single person has something out there about them. It's ridiculous.

And if my friend is reading this...I am so sorry that something I wrote 4 years ago is coming back...if I could change it I would. I emailed the admin...(I don't even know if there is anyone out there still running this thing...last update was in 2004.) and if I can change it I will...and seriously, I will give a WRITTEN STATEMENT under OATH to attest to your moral character. seriously. It was a stupid comment made in passing years ago....sheesh. IT'S A STUPID BLOG BY A STUPID DUDE...chillax.

Other than that...I'm busy trying to get healthy...still got a load of work...and I'm waiting on that girl...am I an idiot or what?

Don't say nothing.

archived...
Saturday, February 3, 2007 10:09 p.m.

Yeah, February... starting out as a major bummer...I've been sick for over a week now and I don't feel like I am getting better. I mean...orange stuff...ORANGE is coming out of me! WTF !?!?!? I'm headachey, tired, week, stuffy, and I can't hear properly and I am so sick of it.

I pretty much flipped out at work yesterday because the vendor screwed up again and I'm just so tired of doing this crap. Inefficient and mind numbing and I am so ready to just quit altogether... I'm going to get my resume ready and my work samples...and I am totally going to work the floor at ComicCon...

As for other stuff...options. Yeah, there are options...but I want to see this one thing through. It's so hard feeling like I am waiting for something or someone...and I feel helpless but to sit and wait to hear back. There's a time to be active and a time to be passive...but I don't want to wait around for nothing. But hey, I'm using the time to heal.

The one thing that pisses me off...I still have to work late nights and weekends. Just a ton of stuff that still needs to get done. Talk to me this time next month and it should be a different story. I can't wait to archive this crap.

Did finally start to watch ALIAS...awesome stuff so far...and I passed out for like 4 hours afterwards...and I'm tired again. Ugh.

I just want to be healthy again. No more orange.