Happy bday...woo.
Monday, January 31, 2005 10:22 p.m.

Yeah...well...the day started off pretty dang early...got into work just before 9 so I could get u2 tix...and I got two...for me and Justin. I wasn't sure if anyone else would want tix...since we got BEHIND the stage (which isn't bad since u2's set up is usually pretty open)...but I wasn't sure if anyone else would want those...but for me and Justin...it will be awesome... end of May...

Did some work...and just got burnt out...still sooo sick. Did what I could and had to take off around noon.

Got some meds and used some gap/br gift certificates that expired today...and just went home and slept for hours. I really, really needed it too. I felt much better afterwards...and even though it's only like 1030...I am ready to collapse again.

Mom gave me a huge bunch of cash (in traveler's checks) and Chris got me Sopranos season 3 and 4!... Lots of bday wishes from Eric and friends and family...

Folks came over to cook me noodles and had cake. Justin was over and just acting like a big baby...he's my pride and joy...and when I told him that...he was like "You need to have some kids already."

Just plain flat out tired...and seriously contemplating what I should do. Should I quit without a job and just look for something and write in the meantime...or should I try to hold on? All I know is... I definitely need to watch my cash flow in the coming months, start working out my portfolio and other things...and just try to make things happen.

I'm still young and I have many years ahead of me...there is plenty of time to make something good happen. Look at David Sedaris... look at Augusten Burroughs...if they can do it...so can I... I just need to be shaken up and given that jolt...that will make me go...ok, this is the first day of the rest of your life...

It's about time.

Happy, happy. Let's make something happen.

weak as a kitten...
Sunday, January 30, 2005 10:06 p.m.

I can't say that I'm actually getting any better if I still feel like this...I think my abs are used to all the coughing and I'll have a rock hard stomach for the next few weeks...but other than that...I find it hard to stand for more than 5 minutes at a time...I'm pretty freaking weak at this point and I think I might just go to sleep soon.

I'm exhausted and cranky and I can't believe I'm going to wake up and feel any different...it's just going to be another miserable day for me if anything.

I'm just going to work and I'll try not to talk to anyone for most of the day. And yes... I've pretty much reached my boiling point... so I'm going to try to stay as Zen and calm as I can...otherwise I might just snap...and right now...that means busting out in tears.

Yeah, I'm feeling that bad.

It's not jsut being sick...it's everything else all combined...I just feel rotten about EVERYTHING...and it makes me sadder because I'm not in control of my body or anything else at the moment.

So, it's really the last straw...and I'm about to break.

Pray for healing and clear vision... cause I really need it more than ever right now.

Sleep... I wake up looking forward to when I get to go back to sleep. That's not a very good sign, is it?

oh no...not again.
Wednesday, January 26, 2005 10:57 p.m.

Ok...so i was up until 2 watching "Some Kind of Monster" and it was fascinating...but this morning I woke up with a cough that wouldn't go away...all day... it's been horrible and painful...I blame Chris!

Lisa thought I was pissed at her because she was sarcastic to me this morning...is she kidding?? I love that.

After work... prepared to work from home...so I brought a bunch of stuff with me... met up with Amy, Jesse, Sara, and Christine Choi...we went to Kenka and everyone had a good time...Always good to see Ames...and I hadn't seen Christine since Sabs' wedding... old times...

The only upsetting thing was Sara kind of knew E and Sara's sister was in the same year as her at Stuy... so a little weird.

Anyways...had a good time otherwise...despite the coughing...we had some good, cheap food at Kenka and then got eclairs (chocolate covered cream puffs) from Beard Papa's...some of the last ones they had...and we were ther to witness them sell out of every last one... wow..

Home... exhausted...sick...and yet I have to get up to do a whole bunch of work tomorrow... I hope I can get it done...I'm completely out of it...ugh...help!

Things look so dark now... somebody save me.

hope against hope?
Tuesday, January 25, 2005 09:28 p.m.

Not really sure if things are going to get better...but a lot of people are going to a big sales meeting this week...so the office will be a little more empty... but does that change anything?

I'm hoping I don't have to work this weekend...I really need a break...but I do have some things that I should keep in mind and get under control.

Still hoping for that Anime Insider job... got in touch with the Senior ed again...he promises me he'll let me know.

Best Buy and Target run today... got AVP, Metallica: Some Kind of Monster, and the bright eyes cds... some necessary stuff from Target...and home...a little late... I'm beat already.

So...b-day palsn...may need to wait until next week... people from Boston in town (Amy and Liz...and Eric) so I need to hang out with them...and I can celebrate with Eunice on her bday next week...where I will hopefully not be so stressed...

Anyhooo...Sunjoo...I think I missed her bday? Happy Bday, kid.

Sleepy...tired... despondent. Such is the Abe.

Cold...and sad...
Monday, January 24, 2005 09:10 p.m.

Yeah,yeah... snow, work... more crap. Dad's home from Taiwan, reading "Running With Scissors" and Swiffer cloth thingees make me happy...but not as much as Mr. Clean magic Eraser...those things really are like magic! It gets Sharpie stains out of my table! How insane is that?!?!? ...yeah, my life is really sad.

Johnny Carson...I remember when i was little and I got to stay up to watch Johnny Carson...it always made me laugh...and gave me that feeling that things in the world were ok. I remember watching the Tonight Show with my family...and just having that there was a comfort. Somethng that was consistent that you could count on. I guess back then we only really had like 4 or 5 channels...so that shared experience, that shared culture sure meant a lot more back then....when times seemed so much more innocent...and I could still imagine what things would be like when I got older.

Yeah...so I'm not going through the best years of my life..in fact...the past three years could possibly be the worst. Who knows how things will change...and if change is necessarily good...that was one of the big lessons I learned.

In any case... I'm tired of moping around. I'm going to just keep plowing through and when I can...stick my hand out and see if the weather has changed.

Send me some love...I need it.

oh man... that's a lot of snow.
Sunday, January 23, 2005 05:41 p.m.

Yup...haven't been able to leave the apartment this whole weekend...we've got about 16 inches of snow in Queens. That's pretty insane.

Watched "I, Robot" and "Dark City" ... Alex Proyas-fest! Robot was pretty dang good...much better than I expected.

Did a bunch of work this weekend...i just have to keep plowing along to see if I can get this stuff done... I'm scared to get my Feb/March schedule at this point. I might just flip out if it looks like this month.

Chris was watching "Eternal Sunshine" and I caught about 5 mins. of it...and I know that I'm not ready to watch that movie yet...I'm not sure when I will be...but the whole premise of it makes me sad and gives me that icky feeling that I thought I put behind me...one day I'll be able to watch it and laugh...or maybe cry...bu tright now...I don't think I'm ready to subject myself to that just yet.

Might have dinner/ see Bway show with Amy tomorrow night. I know she is only in the city for a little while...but man...it's cold out there. I'm more than happy to come home and pass out. Ah... we'll see.

It's been a weird weekend...but work has been done...and I got some much needed rest. Now if only I don't get sick...Chris and my Mom are both sick...and I do not want to revisit that after I'm just getting better...and I'm still not 100 percent yet.

Arrrgh...Monday is creeping up... blech.

hectic...snowy...unpredictable.
Saturday, January 22, 2005 05:16 p.m.

Well...brought more work home...and I really should do some of it...but recovering from the hecticness of last night...and just mesmerized by the snowfall.

Work was work... lots of details I need to remember and lots of things I need to get done still...hopefully things will ease up in the next two weeks or so...

After work... first off... plans with Amy and Christin aren't going to work... because of the snow and rescheduling and shuffling...crap.. went out into the arctic cold and hung out at Doris' place for a bit... Karl was over...(Jeans are jeans!...um..They were cones!) and we watched the infamous"O-Zone" video...and the "fat guy lip synching to O-zone"...otherwise known as "Ma Ya Hi"... what more can you expect from fey Romanians...look out for a cameo from an animated Frddy Krueger! HHAHAHAH!!!

http://www.musiqueradio.com/videos/vids/ozone-dragostea.htm

www.funpic.hu/swf/numanuma.html

After that...went to St. Mark's to meet up with Mary... she was actually really cute...we tried to get Japanese, but all the restaurants were packed and crowded...so we went to get crepes...

Learned a lot about her...she's a PK! Her dad is a professor at a seminary...and her mom also works there. She's definitely waaaay more liberal..but still considers herself a Christian...talked a lot about education and other random things... I thought she was great...but the whole time the vibe was very "friendly"...I guess we both kind of felt that way...no real spark or anything that would lead me to think this would lead to something more. We are going to hang out again...but I'm not expecting anything more than a new friend at this point. The elusive chemistry...maybe I'm jaded...or maybe things are just different now...whose to say these things have to kick in on the first impression? I'm not saying that I'd rule anything out...but I think the get to know you phase is very important...

In any case...we had a lot to talk about...went to Veniero's and chatted some more. I definitely think she is cool...and I'd like to hang out with her again...but call me a pessimist or a realist...but not a natural couple do we make. But friends...for sure.

Maybe I'm only attracted to the weirdos? Or only weirdos are attracted to me? I dunno...it would be really sad if that was the case... oh, well..

Got home at about 1...and then my Mom calls and tells me that the pipes burst in the house...so she shuts off the water and cleans up...and brings Justin over. Mind you, I am exhausted by this point and I have to get bed stuff for them...anyways...I get to pass out around 330.

So, when I get up this morning...my mom already has Con Edison and some contractor fix the heater and the pipes...so things are ok...but she has to go home and keep an eye on things... and I have a ton of work to do. Now if only I could get motivated and do it! ARRGH!

Interesting article in GQ about "Creation" the Christian music fest...Former born-again Christian goes to research...and sees a lot...but doesn't really change. Lots of stuff I agree with...a lot I don't. The guy obviously still loves Jesus (a really touching part of it was when he was talking about how he had come to know Jesus as God...and that he couldn't help but still love him)...but a lot of other things he couldn't make work in his life.... and some other thoughts...one thing I do agree with...the majority of "Christian-rock" sucks... "Christian bands" on the other hand...much better (U2 being the prime example)..."Christian-rock" tends to always be derivitive and is based on emulating an already proven secular equivalent...no real artistic merit...and I'm talking on a purely artistic level...spiritually...it is a different animal. I mean...some of the musically and lyrically "dumb" Christian-rock songs have brought me to tears... so it really depends ...case to case...but on the whole...yeah..a lot of it sucks.

Anyhooo...Stay warm... enjoy the snow...I might be shoveling all day tomorrow...and doing work too...arrrgh!!!

Man, still waiting for good things.

arrrgh...so cold...
Thursday, January 20, 2005 09:04 p.m.

Ok...my fingers are kind of numb right now...it's so cold in my room...I thought I sealed up the window and the door...crap...I'll have to do something about it soon.

Work is work and I'm just plowing through...Lisa is a dear...I don't know what I'd do without my BFO at this point.

Might see Doris tomorrow...it's been awhile..and then maybe see if I can hang out with Eunice later...and then...I kinda have a date... I don't want to jinx it...so I won't say anymore...but she seems cool, cute...and SANE. We'll see how it goes.

Anyways...I've been through enough crap (see blog from...oh...day one) and I'm not very optimistic about these things...but it's nice to have that glimmer of hope, that twinge of anticipation...just before everything goes to crap. So...we'll see...but if it's crap... or if it's good...you'll hear about it here...(well, a little bit at least)

And then the weekend... hoping to see Amy and Christin while they are in town...and of course...I'll be bringing more work home...hoorah.

Anyways...bought Milk and Cheese TPB...AGAIN...because the one I bought like 10 years ago was falling apart...so the I Love the 90's--Part Deux nostalgia is making me geek out in comicdom...I wonder if it's as funny as I remember it being...

Running out of David Sedaris stuff...eeep...uh-oh...what am I going to do? Well, there is always Augusten Burroughs...

Ok...Happy Thursday...have a good weekend, kids...wish me the best...I sure need something good.

silver lining?
Wednesday, January 19, 2005 06:59 p.m.

Ok...well...I was very productive today. I got a lot done and if I can finish this stuff by Friday...it will be a huge relief...though I have a lot of other crap looming on the horizon and I'll be busy this weekend...

Ack...I'm stressing out over having fun? Christin and Amy are coming into town and I'm stressed about making time for them...crap...I really don't want to work over the weekend...but it would really help a lot if I did... sigh...ok...I'll do work on Saturday morning and all day Sunday. How's that?

Other than that...CD art is getting closer and closer to being finalized and other things are faling into place...

So...it's really just the job that is stressing me out at this point...and the weather...and still being a little sick...crap!

Anyways...sigh. Trying to be optimistic is really hard.

help.

misery loves...bah.
Tuesday, January 18, 2005 07:08 p.m.

Yeah, aren't you guys sick of my bitching yet? My friends and family are convincing me not to quit...but oh man...am I getting ready to just...

Well, I've given myself and August 1st deadline...I need to be out of this industry by then..or else I might really flip out.

Not much going on here... music and anime are keeping me going...Arcade Fire, Hall and Oates, Dido, Slipknot, and the Faint...those are the last CDs I bought...isn't that random?

Bitterly cold out there right now... bundle up... and don't flip out...keep calm and relax... chill...HA.

Ok, enough with the corny jokes... I'm not even in the mood to. bah.

oh...just great...
Saturday, January 15, 2005 10:09 p.m.

Well.. not much to write about...but going into a long weekend with a bunch of work to do just isn't the most exciting thing..

Friday: Crappy weather...but went to the diner with Lisa...she's such a character..and apparently I am her girlfriend or something...how odd. I think she is really cool.

More CD art work to approve/correct... and that's about it. Came home and tried to relax... watched anime and just knocked out.

Saturday: More anime and a long nap... I'm still pretty sick... it's been nearly two weeks and I'm no where near healthy...dang this flu season...what the heck?

Did a bunch of work and had Strangers with Candy on in the background. Amy Sedaris was on Letterman last night...and dang...she has nice legs!

Other than that...taking a break until tomorrow...then...more work to do...ugh. Why does this have to suck so much?

Have a good weekend while I suffer. :(

things are kind of looking up?
Thursday, January 13, 2005 09:55 p.m.

Sigh... well..it beats nothing...but finished one of the big projects I needed to get done...but I have one right after it...how am I going to get 250 some odd pages edited by Tuesday...and develop an entire book following that...plus a fresh 250 page plus book next week? It's insane. I need to bring work home like every weekend in order to get anything done...I don't know if I can manage this much longer...

In any case...I snuck out during lunch to talk with a recruiter...she seemed a little...loopy...but apparently she has connections at marvel, DC, and Scholastic ...and she thinks manga publishing is going to be hiring across the baord...very hot product at the moment...so she put me in her database and will try to help me find something soon.

Still sick...still not sleeping...at least my warm pack is making me feel a little better...if only I could sleep a full night and not wake up worrying about work or somehting stupid...

had a weird dream about a friend stealingmy credit card info...apparently he was working for our old assistant pastor...Hank...and he stole my whole family's credit card info from Eric when he was in China...what a wacky dream...

Lisa is officially my "BFO" (Best Friend in Office)...and her old BFO...went to Stuy...and we both kinda knew each other...he's gay, love comics, and loves to talk about old Stuy people...he told me something really schocking...

One of my old acting buddies: Adrian Johannsen...well...I was in a whole bunch of things with him...apparently...his sister is...Scarlett Johannsen...and I think I might have met her when she was really young... HOW WEIRD IS THAT!?!?!? Another famous sibling...I know Gideon Yago's brother...so weird.

Anyways...more good news...So Won is getting album art to me! It's almost done...a few more tweaks and it will be all set...I'm hoping to hve the finished product in hand...by March. woooo...then time to tour and play! Must find a place to gig at though...no more green room...so sad.

Anyhooo..excited for the weekend...where I can relax...and work from home...how sad is that ?!?!??!

Seriously...Abe needs some real love...and soon.

:(

more of the same
Wednesday, January 12, 2005 09:34 p.m.

yup...not much to talk about...just more of the same old same old... work is totally kicking my arse and stressing me out...the day passes by so quickly because I am basically stuck doing the same stuff for hours and hours...thank goodness for music and Lisa... otherwise I might really just go off the deep end and flip out.

Comics...another good thing...and speaking to a recruiter (across the street) about future possibilites... my new year's resolution is to get a job I really enjoy before the year is through...can I do it?

Well...just keep plugging away and trying not to go crazy...I want to write and play music...but between this flu and being exhausted from work...not much is going to happen for awhile.

I took Lisa's suggestion and got one of those microwavable heating packs...it's AWESOME...and only ten bucks...

My life is so sad...I get excited about a heating pad... seriously...wtf.

Another wtf moment...LOST...man, that show is good...but come on! Won't spoil it for those of you who Tivo-ed tonight's episode...just saying that things are not what they seem...

Ok...two more days and I get the luxury of working from home...oh,joy.

Suckfest '05 continues...Lord, help us.

more of the same
Wednesday, January 12, 2005 09:34 p.m.

yup...not much to talk about...just more of the same old same old... work is totally kicking my arse and stressing me out...the day passes by so quickly because I am basically stuck doing the same stuff for hours and hours...thank goodness for music and Lisa... otherwise I might really just go off the deep end and flip out.

Comics...another good thing...and speaking to a recruiter (across the street) about future possibilites... my new year's resolution is to get a job I really enjoy before the year is through...can I do it?

Well...just keep plugging away and trying not to go crazy...I want to write and play music...but between this flu and being exhausted from work...not much is going to happen for awhile.

I took Lisa's suggestion and got one of those microwavable heating packs...it's AWESOME...and only ten bucks...

My life is so sad...I get excited about a heating pad... seriously...wtf.

Another wtf moment...LOST...man, that show is good...but come on! Won't spoil it for those of you who Tivo-ed tonight's episode...just saying that things are not what they seem...

Ok...two more days and I get the luxury of working from home...oh,joy.

Suckfest '05 continues...Lord, help us.

more misery?
Tuesday, January 11, 2005 09:33 p.m.

Well, more of the same.. another day of non-stop work basically. Not much to say besides things look pretty bad at the moment...but then...things could change on a dime. I'm just hoping that things get better for once. Facing crap after more crap is just getting really old.

At this point...I'm just tired and I want to be healthy...I have no idea what is going on wiht my neck...but I think it's the flu and all this tension. I'm just powering through...the sad thing is... the weekend just means that I will have time to work from home and maybe catch up on some anime... sigh.

Yeah, a little sunshine might help...but all I really want is someone to take care of me.

It's not even 10:00 and I am so ready to just lie down and pass out for a few hours before this crap starts up again...ugh. Help me.

more misery?
Tuesday, January 11, 2005 09:33 p.m.

Well, more of the same.. another day of non-stop work basically. Not much to say besides things look pretty bad at the moment...but then...things could change on a dime. I'm just hoping that things get better for once. Facing crap after more crap is just getting really old.

At this point...I'm just tired and I want to be healthy...I have no idea what is going on wiht my neck...but I think it's the flu and all this tension. I'm just powering through...the sad thing is... the weekend just means that I will have time to work from home and maybe catch up on some anime... sigh.

Yeah, a little sunshine might help...but all I really want is someone to take care of me.

It's not even 10:00 and I am so ready to just lie down and pass out for a few hours before this crap starts up again...ugh. Help me.

the days are torturous...
Monday, January 10, 2005 09:20 p.m.

My optimism for 2005 has seriously taken a turn towards the dark side...I can't move my neck without wincing...I'm still sniffly and coughy...and I hate work...I am stressed out. Physically, emotionally, and spiritually spent... Lord, I know I am a whiner... help me to suck it up and deal. I'm supposed to be learnign something, right?

Compared to the tsunami victims...I've got absolutely nothing to complain about...and I promise to donate money as soon as I can recoup from the holiday expenditures. It's in writing! Soon!

Let's just not talk about work..hot chick... ok let's just call her Lisa now...is totally sweet...she worries about me and was going to order this heating pad thing for my neck... damn... and honestly, at this point...I know better to think anything... and I am in no mood to even think about girls...but it's nice to have a buddy that's genuinely cool ...and easy on the eyes.

Seriously, why do I have so many hot girl friends when I am such a fugly doofus? I have no idea. It's kinda sad, actually... on second hand...most of the girls I've dated have been gorgeous (though crazy)...so there must be something there...but at this point... "not hideous and sane" sounds just about perfect for me.

Again, no time to think about girls.

What is on my mind: work, trying to get out of work, trying to write, David Sedaris' hilarious stuff (inspiring me to write), good music, and anime that makes me forget about editing... these are the things occupying my brain...and oh yeah...the grace of God that has allowed me to maintain some level of not-flipping-outness...I'm surprised at how I haven't just wigged out on anyone...someone up there likes me.

Anyways...I'm going to be incommunicado for awhile...no IM at work...can't afford to waste anytime with deadlines looming...

I'm starved for human contact... so leave me a note in the side margin...or send me some love someway somehow...cause I really need it.

Actually, I need a neck rub more than anything now.

what can i say... you can't kill the rooster!
Saturday, January 8, 2005 12:23 a.m.

Well, haven't been on a regular blog schedule this week since I've been working so hard...literally...just get in the office and get going... I have no idea what these people are thinking with their insane schedules...if you are going to really edit a 300 page text...you are going to need to give me more than a week...and they expect me to be working on other things at the same time> are you effing kidding me ? I'm going to quit as soon as I can...honestly.

Speaking of which...more good news from Anime Insider...the Editor sent me a freelancer info form...and hoepfully I can start writing some freelance stuff in prep for a full time job sometime this year. I'd take this job in a heartbeat...long commute...feh...I'll read or get a laptop and just enjoy the commute...who cares if it's a paycut...can you say freebies? not only anime..but Wizard and Toyfare...dang...could be my dream job...or at least get my foot in the door in magazine publishing.

Other than that... the only thing that is keeping me going is my obsession with the Sedaris family... I even picked up "naked" after work today... so that would mean three Sedaris books in three weeks... and it makes me want to see the Strangers With candy movie...and get the audibooks...because Amy reads with David on them! Man, that's what I want for my birthday...David Sedaris CD boxset...whose gonna get it for me?

So... in order to decompress after work toay...I came home and cleaned up... rearranged my room again...switched the anime and my cds around... I don't know if this is supposed to make it neater...but it's a change...and it makes me feel like I am in control... am I OCD or what?

Missed out on a lot fo fun this weekend...was supposed to go to Gary's surprise party, was supposed to hang out with Grace tomorrow... all ruined by working over the weekend...oh joy...I brought work home... and being sick ain't no picnic either.

One funny thing...was watching the Tom Hanks Biography on A&E and right before commercial break...when they show you a clip of what's coming up... Tom Hanks says "Yeah, I decided to stop playing pussies." I was like WTF?!?!? Did I hear that right ?? And then I watched...and YES...he said that...and YES...it wasn't bleeped... wtf?!?!? is it ok to call people pussies now??? sheesh. I mean Comedy Central after like 10pm ...I can believe it...but A&E???

I'm just in an awful mood right now...and I don't know what to do to get out of this...besides getting a dream job and a dream girl...come on 2005? Why does this year seem to suck so bad...so fast???

I was all optimistic a week or two ago... see what happened?

Maybe things can turn around before the end of the month... if not... well, I'm just gonna have to flip out now, aren't I?

I could really use a massage right now.

I can't stands no more...
Wednesday, January 5, 2005 07:13 p.m.

Seriously, not only am I not healthy at the moment...I've got all this work looming over me...and I just have to plow through it until it's a distant memory...if I was working somewhere I enjoyed...I wouldn't mind...but I'm not sure how much more of this I can take.

It's not just the whole corporate mentality...it's the pettiness and the fact that people don't really know what's going on...on top of that...the material is just...mind-numbing...

In any case, I wrote a recruiter last night and she emailed me back...supposed to call me tonight also... hope something comes out of it...AND I wrote my contact at Anime Insider again...just to see if there was anything available...at this point...I'd take anything. I need to get out of this soul-sucking job.

Comics and David Sedaris are getting me through the day...this one essay about Amy's hlaf fat suit (which she obviously wore on SWC) was HILARIOUS!!! I didn't realize that she was such a crazy kid...she was always an actor and just did all this crazy stuff...

Ick up New Avengers...my bad for doubting Bendis..the action sequences were relentless...a prison break...full of Spidey's villains... and Count Nefaria just dumps him in the middle to fend for himself...Spidey's mask gets ripped off and he gets spanked by legions of his villains...and that's just one scene...pretty friggin' awesome.

Other than that...just trying to get healthy and make it through this week...not going to be able to do much socializing...missing Gary's bday (supplliiieees), Laura's art show, and a party that Grace is going to... I just need to rest and be well... I just need to get this stuf done...2005 isn't really what I thought it would be...

Lord, help us through this.

ugh... misery...
Tuesday, January 4, 2005 09:49 p.m.

It's not just the fact that I hate work right now...I think I would hate any kind of work...just tired and sick and grumpy...feeling as if nothing is going right.

Work has been so hectic that I have no time to IM..no time to have even a decent lunch brak...it's going to be like this for the foreseeable future...and the fact that my company is going public...just means more corporate BS...that I really do not want to deal with.. so, what can I do? Look for jobs and pray for the best...that's it really. I just don't want to make the same mistakes and end up somewhere that i do not want to be for years on end.

Some things that get me through the day...the fact that the hot chick is slowly becoming my friend...she even came over and gave me some vitamin C because I was feeling sick...and she gets antsy when i don't reply to her emails...cute. But I've been burned before...so no way in heck am i even thinking about going there... though she wants to get drinks after work sometime... hmmm..

More bad news...remember the green room? The cozy place that used to pay me to play music...it's GONE...some mega bar/restaurant called ROGUE and another one called ORCHID are there now...where the heck am i going to play now? this makes me sad to no end...

Finished "Dress Your family in Cordouroy and Denim"...and picked up "Me Talk Pretty One Day"...which happened to be an autographed copy! Man, if I could be like David Sedaris and just write nutty stories about my family... one day...I think I should. So far...not enough AMY! Does he ever go into detail about her? She's the other famous Sedaris of "Stranger With Candy" and "Sex and the City" fame... but so far...I think I like Paul "Rooster" the best... David's little heterobrother that just curses up a storm....what he says to his Dad: "F** this. Motherf*er, that sh*t don't mean F** to me."...and he lovingly calls his dad "bitch." HILARIOUS! And apparently true...

Best Buy at 23rd was too crowded so went to the one in Queens...crowded too...but got Troy and went to Target for other assorted crap...mainly...lots of soap...as in body soap, hand soap, and shampoo (head soap, for you uninformed)... am I a neat freak...you betcha.

Oh.,,,my sexy purchase of the day...pajama pants for $5.58... damn...that's hot... gotta love Target (pronunced TAR-jhaaay, to you uninformed)

Pray for me...pray that I get through this week...pray that I get a job that doesn't make me want to cry... pray for the tsunami victims...pray for world peace..pray for yourself.

Lord, help me.

ARRRGH! MONDAY!!!
Monday, January 3, 2005 08:36 p.m.

Ahhhcrrraaaap...my throat is starting to hurt.

Work was super hectic today from the moment I stepped in...it was just go go go...I don't know how long I will be able to do this... I should just start saving money and get ready to quit one of these days... arrrgh...

Hot girl at work is so cute...I was at a meeting and she emailed me and I didn't respond...and she wrote back..."why aren't you emailing me?"...hahaha cute or psycho...who knows!

Not much else...just work and feeling sick...am I going ot be able to last the week??? HELP!

Oh one more thing...I did get pooped on by a pigeon! Is that supposed to be good luck ??? sheesh.

Lord, help us... the tsunami victims... it's insane the amount of destruction...I didn't realize how bad it got... crazy.

First day back at work... first Monday of the year...hope it gets better... hang in there!

resolutions and best ofs...
Sunday, January 2, 2005 11:00 p.m.

Well, it's that time of year:

RESOLUTIONS:

1. Finish the first draft of my novel by Feb. 2006
2. Lose some more weight
3. Get CD done and on the market.
4. Successfully tour behind CD
5. Find a job that I truly love.
6. Do something I've never done before...and be good at it.
7. And of course, find true love.

BEST OFS: 1. NEW Music: Killers, Thrice, Coheed and Cambria, The Faint, Postal Service, Muse
2. Movies and TV: Shaun of the Dead, The Office, Arrested Development, Mr. Show DVDs, House of Flying Daggers, Oceans Twelve, Harry Potter, Star Wars on DVD, Justice League Unlimited, Teen Titans
3. Reading: Identity Crisis, Walking Dead, Green Lantern: Rebirth, Negima, AI LOVE YOU, Battle Royale, David Sedaris books, Chuck Klostermann essays, SPIN and Esquire.
4. Anime! Last Exile, Kaleido Star, Witch Hunter Robin, InuYasha, Read or Die, GiTs: SAC, Tokyo Godfathers
5. Randomness: Beard Papa cream puffs, local deli sammiches, XBOX goodness, BOSS pedals for my guitars.

And that's about it for now...I',m sure I'll remember something later... sigh... here comes 2005!

new song!
Sunday, January 2, 2005 12:52 a.m.

Wow...wrote this one in a little less than 2 hours... it just came flowing out. I guess it stems from all the talk about girls likeing guys who are jerky a-holes. So, this is my take on it... it's written from the perspective of a jackhole guy...kind of giving the rationale behind why he acts that way...but with an emo touch. I like the lyrics alot...and the music is pretty rockin... I'll try to record it...might even be a good song for a new album ? Or cram it on last minute onto "lof-fi is chic." ??

leading you astray

there’s not much left that I can say that would seem optimistic
I base it on the principle of avoiding the clichés

so accuse me of just what you will, I’ve always been a little sadistic
but I’d rather be found innocent of leading you astray

leading you, leading you astray
leading you, leading you astray

gathered all the evidence, I knew this wouldn’t work
everything I said to you just added to the hurt
blame the one that came before for leaving such a mess
in another time you’d be the only, but now you’re second best

I wouldn’t say that I lied to you
but what I said was half the truth
there was no other way

I’m leading you, leading you astray
leading you, leading you astray

there’s not much left that I can do to better the situation
I blame it on the principle of “fight another day”

so accuse me of just what you will, it’s selfish preservation
I’d rather be the one to go, than watch you walk away

watch you walk, watch you walk away
watch you walk, watch you walk away

if you think this is sabotage, I wouldn’t blame you at all
it wasn’t planned but that’s how things always seem to fall
I’ll tell you all the sweetest things before it turns to dust
given time it could be love, but now it’s only lust

I wouldn’t say that I lied to you
but I find it hard to tell the truth
there was no other way

I’m leading you, leading you astray
leading you, leading you astray

new song!
Sunday, January 2, 2005 12:52 a.m.

Wow...wrote this one in a little less than 2 hours... it just came flowing out. I guess it stems from all the talk about girls likeing guys who are jerky a-holes. So, this is my take on it... it's written from the perspective of a jackhole guy...kind of giving the rationale behind why he acts that way...but with an emo touch. I like the lyrics alot...and the music is pretty rockin... I'll try to record it...might even be a good song for a new album ? Or cram it on last minute onto "lof-fi is chic." ??

leading you astray

there’s not much left that I can say that would seem optimistic
I base it on the principle of avoiding the clichés

so accuse me of just what you will, I’ve always been a little sadistic
but I’d rather be found innocent of leading you astray

leading you, leading you astray
leading you, leading you astray

gathered all the evidence, I knew this wouldn’t work
everything I said to you just added to the hurt
blame the one that came before for leaving such a mess
in another time you’d be the only, but now you’re second best

I wouldn’t say that I lied to you
but what I said was half the truth
there was no other way

I’m leading you, leading you astray
leading you, leading you astray

there’s not much left that I can do to better the situation
I blame it on the principle of “fight another day”

so accuse me of just what you will, it’s selfish preservation
I’d rather be the one to go, than watch you walk away

watch you walk, watch you walk away
watch you walk, watch you walk away

if you think this is sabotage, I wouldn’t blame you at all
it wasn’t planned but that’s how things always seem to fall
I’ll tell you all the sweetest things before it turns to dust
given time it could be love, but now it’s only lust

I wouldn’t say that I lied to you
but I find it hard to tell the truth
there was no other way

I’m leading you, leading you astray
leading you, leading you astray

Wow...that was a weird New Year's Eve...
Saturday, January 1, 2005 04:00 p.m.

Well, I guess I should start at the beginning. Got up pretty late yesterday and did some work... the kids came over and we played some DDR before I had to get ready to leave... I love the kids...but I needed to be with some adults on NYE!

Got dressed and headed into the city... Weird thing on the train... I was sitting across from this girl... and this guy just came over and sat next to her...which I thought was weird since there were lots of empty seats on the train...I figured that he was just going to try to pick her up...since he looked pretty normal. I got mesmerized by this other guy and his daughter... he fed her pizza and she was twirling around on the train...then the girl across from me...just got up and bolted down the train...and the "normal looking" guy just ran out the train. The girl started crying...and I think she said something to the effect that the guy was playing with himself...ACK! I was totally oblivious to this... man, what a weird start... I hope she's ok...

Met up with Grace and her friend Brian at Village... we had a few drinks and dinner...and he was pretty cool...a few years younger and he went to Stuy too...apparently, he thought I looked familiar... could be anything...but turns out later that night...he recognized me from SING! HAHHAH... anyways...guess my days on the stage didn't go unnoticed...

Anyways...went to Cindy's place...which was a block away...they were having a small get together...got to see Cindy, Cathy, etc...and stayed for a few drinks... Sad to only have seen Cindy twice since she came back... man, I really miss having her around. I wish she's just move back! Hopefully, I'll see her in London this year...Grace's friend Gina joined us... and Grace was trying to set her up with Brian....hhahaa.... anyways...we left from there to go to Guernica...

Grace actually was trying to get us into Le Souk... she tried to talk the bouncer into letting us in a reservations only place...but it didn't work... anyways...ended up going into Guernica around 1030...and it was pretty dead inside.

We had a few drinks and the place filled up some... had soem good conversations... brina is a cool kid, Gina is actually really funny and pretty cute...and Grace...wow...a side I've never seen of her...she's a total party animal...and she can be fierce! Look out when she is on the prowl...damn...guys were hitting on her...and she can handle herself well... totally a side I've never seen of her. Little do you know... well, it's cool...since it makes her a bit more human...I guess I've really been on guard when I hang out with her...but I guess we both can loosen up now.

I mean, I am a self-decribed "good boy with a bad streak"...I just tend to lean more towards the "good"...and I guess that's probably what you guys get most on the blog...anyhooo.

New Year's! 2005! WOOOOO...drinks and hugs...but no making out with anyone (which is par for course, duh) and just after... Eunice and Tia join us...I was pretty drunk by then...but I remember talking to Gina outside and thinking...heeeeyyyyy sheeee's cuuuuute...and then Eunice and Tia show up...hahahah...buzzkill!

Anyways, we all leave Guernica and head to Lava Gina (heh) and Gina has to leave... awww... but the rest of us go inside...first thing I see...GO GO DANCER ON THE BAR! And the cute gothgirl waitress asking us for drink orders...anyways...a few stiff drinks later...and I'm starting to blank...talking to grace and I must have been saying something pretty pitiful cause I remember her hugging me for some reason...and then I can't remember... and then she got mad...and then it was uh...ok...I can't remember...but we were ok...

Tia and Eunice looked good and apparently Brian liked Eunice...even though he was like 4 years younger... anyways...I went outside with Grace...and she was like "ok... I'm gonna go..." Just like that poof! She just hops in the cab and disappears...without saying goodbye to anyone inside... weird! I'm gonna wait to hear what she says about that...

More drinks and I am really out of it...I give the Go-Go Dancer a dollar...and then one for Tia (who wanted a fiver) and one for Eunice... hahah I was out of it...

Anyways, we stay for awhile...and then the girls swipe this HUGE balloon and we get pizza...and then I needed to go home...

Apparently, the girls went to hang out at Brian's and watched "Saved"... but nothing happened...hahaha...too bad for him...

And I got home...made myself puke (yeah, once the streak is broken...it's really broken)...and went to sleep.

Which leads me ot waking up at noon...eating...watching some anime...and going back to sleep... and getting up to blog! What a weird new year... fun... no super real drama...but learned a lot anyways.

So... maybe that's the way to end 2004... a culmination of much of what 2004 was like... no real drama, but some eye opening revelations...needless to say...I'm going into 2005 with optimism...but guarded hesitancy as well...

Let's jsut play it by ear...we'll see how the year goes.

Day One! Game ON!