: I'm so sorry that I'm falling :

saturday, august 23, 2003, 04:39 AM

i just took a much needed bath. since i'm waiting for my hair to dry, i decided to come online and blog. went for the nus arts bash at centro with chia, jinling, jean and shauna and boy, was it a night to remember for all the wrong reasons.

i didn't have much of a dinner and had a screwdriver on a near-empty stomach. the temperature was freezing. after standing more than an hour just watching the pageant, the most unglam thing happened.

i fainted!

i first felt a little queasy in my tummy and it got worse til i felt like barfing. suddenly, bright lights started appearing in my eyes. the noise around me slowly drowned out. the bright lights started to fade and everything gradually got shrouded in darkness. i couldn't hear, i couldn't speak, i swayed like a coconut tree. my head throbbed to the beat of the music. music seemingly impossible to dance to. so i swayed all the way to the bar counter (with a little help from my friends) and hugged my poor throbbing head. i got really drowsy and the kind pervy bartender gave me a free glass of lime juice. WOW! i should have these fainting spells more often. CHOY! this is no laughing matter man.

but the funniest thing was, i fainted right after chia recovered from her fainting spell! we had the exact same symptoms and couldn't stop talking about it the whole night. the poor girl just blacked out on the bar counter and we had to make her suck a lemon slice. the pervy bartenders were amused to see someone gone at such an early hour of 10.30 pm. they were even more amused to find out that she wasn't drunk, just unconscious. but it's weird! cos though we 'fainted', we were actually semi-conscious and could hear faint shouts of the people around us. any doctors-to-be out there who can explain this phenomenon? do we have a terminal illness? huh huh huh?

after we were resuscitated by water and lime, everything returned to normal. except i felt really tired, sleepy and weak. this is my virginal fainting experience. it was so surreal.

other hoo-has of the night that made us boil with rage would be that bitch of a bouncer who refused shauna's entry cos she was wearing flip flops. and that stupid checked shirt guy who kept sticking his ass in whatever space we had for dancing. if sardines could dance, they wouldn't look very different from us. it was so packed i almost lost my toes; so many people stepped on them i think they would have almost been severed off. another highlight of the night would be seeing my crush at the men's urinal.

oh yah the pageant! how could i forget about that. the contestants were pretty pageant-worthy. i can't remember much about that cos that's when the fainting came in. M2 really looked like donnie yen lah! then the hosts pulled up members of the audience to play raunchy games like suck and blow, where the girl is blindfolded and instructed by the guy to remove clothes pegs clipped at suggestive parts of their body using only her mouth. another game had both girls and guys downing glasses of beer and having the girl lick of whipped cream sprayed all over the guy's BARE chest. not just one tiny spot of whipped cream, mind you. the whole damn chest! hairy chest, pimply chest, chicken skin chest - just lick it baby. i will throw a faint right there and then if they picked me to join them man!

thanks chia, jinling and jean for taking care of me when i blacked out. I LOVE YOU GUYS! you're welcome chia, for me sticking the lemon into your mouth in an attempt to revive you. no thanks jess, for laughing at me first thing you hear that i fainted. your concern was much appreciated.

i had many laughs today. *muaks* to you babes - chen song ling, beckham rocker chick wannabe and hulk hogan. and shauna, better study for promos! clubbing is bad.

• • • • •

wednesday, august 20, 2003, 12:30 AM

it's been so long since my last entry that i almost forgot my login password. actually, it hasn't been that long ago that i updated lah but humour me and tell me i was sorely missed?

well, the reason why i haven't been posting is because of this verminous place called school. ok i'm exaggerating here; i'm not enjoying school but i don't hate it either. i'm just feeling what i always feel - indifferent, neutral. my god, i am starting to sound like an emotionless freak. but seriously, there is nothing much to write about school because tutorials haven't started and that's when the real friends-making starts.

ok one thing i want to gripe about is the obscene amount of money we are spending on lecture notes and books that i deem as absolutely impossible to finish reading. i have not bought a single thing for myself ever since i earned 6 and a few cents from the learning lab. it's being sucked slowly by the NUS co-op with the agonisingly long queues. why oh why did i take lit which requires us to buy four books? i think next semester i shall take modules for which only the cheapest books are needed.

the weather has been a grand old bitch. one week NUS turns into a gigantic oven, and the next it's raining like the pipes in heaven burst. so i'm lugging my umbrella and sweater when it's 40 degrees out and freezing when it rains. NUS is so big. walking up and down millions of steps everyday and running for the bus, squeezing with sweaty, smelly students really takes its toll on you man. the hour-long bus ride to school zaps half my energy away, and the aforementioned activities the latter half. the worst thing is : we are plagued by all this and yet are not rewarded with a decent piece of eye candy?? where are all the hunks, studs, love duds? all we see are girls walking around like they have a stick up their asses (to quote this girl queuing up behind me in the canteen).

but let's give the girls around there some credit. some of them do look very good, and they have great figures.

on matters closer to home, the neighbours living above me are either f*cked up or downright creepy. or a little bit of both. for those of you who watched dark water (that japanese horror movie about this girl who went missing and drowned in the water tank of her building), do you remember when the lead character and her daughter moved in, they heard strange noises from above? they hear foot steps scurrying across the room very quickly. patter-patter-patter. ok it's pretty dumb because in the movie, they made it seem like an unusual (and eerie) occurrence, without thinking that maybe the neighbours weighed 100 kg and liked to jog in their apartment. of course, in real life, it's nothing worth worrying about. right?

so in the middle of the day, or in the early mornings, i hear this same scurrying sound seemingly made by a child. i also hear someone skipping. you'll hear the whip of the rope against their floor (my ceiling), then two heavy hops. then the whip, and two hops. the skipper must skip really badly because it's never consistent. he goes whip hop hop. whip hop. whip hop hop. whip. long pause as he probably tries to break free from the rope wrapped around his body. whip hop hop. and it goes on all bloody morning. right above me when i'm trying to have a nice restful sleep. then sometimes you hear someone pushing a chair around the house. you'll hear the scraping of the chair's legs against their floor. i have lost count of the many times i lost control and charged out of bed to get my trusty broomstick and knock it heavily against my ceiling. they obviously can't take a hint.

i think about it and wonder whether it is a poltergeist wrecking havoc in the family's home, unknowingly dragging me into it. horror movies get into your head in ways you don't want it to. my imagination ran wild and i liked to fantasise that it is a ghost child with unfinished business still lurking around their house. then i'll pretend to be scared when i'm really bursting with rage because i know it is definitely some pesty kid high on sugar so early in the morning. i hate my neighbours.

i'm happy. no school tomorrow!

• • • • •

sunday, august 10, 2003, 10:56 PM

let's talk about hair. my hair. i got it re-coloured and trimmed on friday. goodbye to split ends and blonde streaks. now i have hair that's some sort of copper brown (mahogany i think). but it's saddening that hardly anyone noticed! i love the way hairdressers blow dry your hair so that it curls in. i can't figure out how to blow dry my hair properly so now my hair just dries naturally into a cowtail do that curls out everywhere, so ugly!

i've pretty much had every kind of hair length in my 19 years of existence - i was bald as a baby, i've had long rapunzel hair all the way to my waist, i had a short geeky boycut when i was primary 3 because of a hairlice problem, i got a spiky do when i was 13, midlength boring hair now, blunt cuts, layered cuts. i even got my hair permed when i was in primary school! and contrary to popular belief, i have never rebonded my hair. it's all natural baby.

my hair changes with every new phase of my life because every new beginning should do with a new you right? and the least you can do to complement that change in your life is a haircut. but this time, the changes are subtle because i am not exactly that excited about school. a small change is more than necessary. i like people who don't think twice about getting their hair cut, especially when they've had the same hairstyle forever. it's refreshing to see a person so adventurous with something that could alter their look from fab to drab, or vice versa if they're lucky.

i spent the night of our national day watching heroic duo and i give it 3.5 stars out of 5! ekin cheng and karena lam had little chemistry and seemed more like siblings than lovers. i never really liked leon lai but he's not bad an actor though. the plot was pretty good but not as good as infernal affairs since they are a tad similar with big names and police stories. hong kong movies almost always involve the police force, it's so predictable.

i was just thinking that NUS should include a mahjong club as one of their many clubs and societies. if it can include a pool/snooker club, i don't see why a mahjong club shouldn't be considered, as long as no money is involved. pool/snooker is a sport i know, but money is also involved when people play it outside. bridge clubs play cards, and cards are also considered tools for gambling but bridge clubs are still being set up and legalized. mahjong is played competitively around the world and there is even a world championship in mahjong organized yearly or biennially. america even has its very own american national mahjongg league (NMJL). so it's very much considered a sport everywhere. so maybe we should petition for the setting up of a mahjong club? what say you, mahjong players? haha.

anyway, i think wearing red underwear really brings you luck when you're playing mahjong. i've been winning games whenever i wear a red bra. it could be a freak coincidence but i think i can do with more red bras. might as well!

lectures start officially tomorrow so i should go to bed now. i have to wake up bloody early because my first lecture's at 8 am and i have no companion :( i really don't want to get lost and stumble into the lecture theatre half an hour late. good night y'all :)

• • • • •

wednesday, august 6, 2003, 11:50 PM

today something happened that got me pretty riled up just for a while, but now i'm all pissy over it again cos of a stupid argument with a certain someone. you can probably guess who it is anyway but pissy mel is very annoyed right now and cannot bear to even identify him.

right. today i met up with chia and chong to register for this part time job thingy for retrenched cabin crew of some of the major airlines in singapore. i do realise we have nothing to do with airlines at all but we just went ahead with it anyway. before that, we ate at burger king at raffles city shopping centre.

so first off, i ordered this meal from this lady, rather young-looking but with a super buay song face. i think she got out from the wrong side of the bed that morning. you know they have this meal promotion where if you get the .50 rodeo ranch burger and add , you get a vanilla coke? i didn't get that. i got one of the regular meals but requested to change my plain coke to a vanilla coke. but the lady told me no you can't do that because i'm not ordering the promotion meal, mine is a regular meal and they don't do drink changes for regular meals. i can only get vanilla coke if i get the rodeo burder or if i buy it on its own, ie. a drink alone.

ok. firstly, what the f*ck? KFC, macdonald's, long john silver's allow drink changes. secondly, i'm not paying less. it's just a drink right? i don't see why they are being so inflexible. thirdly, she said it in a manner which was so rude, she might as well have said DUH! in my face. i damn dulan man. so in the end, i just said it's ok i'll stick to regular coke. she brought me my drink and my burger, i gave her a ten dollar note. she took it, went off and got me my fries. i requested to change my chilli to ketchup, all the while lamenting to chia why why why can't i have vanilla coke. then i walked off.

without getting my change!

of course, at that moment, i didn't even remember that i forgot my change. i was too appalled by her attitude. only around an hour later did i realise that i practically donated .50 to the burger king franchise than the poor man who was kindly asking me to donate to help the children's association. burger king is a money-spinning fast food organization charging prices that can buy three plates of chicken rice for every meal, contributing to the increasing rate of heart disease and obesity, and i gave them .50 for nothing?? oh sorry. i gave them .50 for bad service. seems like a fair deal.

ok i did feel a tiny pinch for the forgone money. chia tried to console me that if i had it i would've donated it to some of the millions of donation-mongers in the streets anyway, or bought something that might've cost that same amount. seriously, to me, the money is nothing. she is right of cos. .50 is not alot. but, it just stings to think of the alternative uses for that money. it is an awful lot to pay for my absent-mindedness. it seemed rather silly to go back there and demand for my change, i bet she forgot about it anyway. i'll take it as a lesson learnt.

on the phone tonight with that certain someone though, i was relating to him the aforementioned incident. he said i was also at fault for not getting back the change, conveniently missing out the detail that i forgot. the tone he used, whether intended or not, was so condescending that he might as well have said why were you so stupid in my face. ear. i forgot lah! if i had actually remembered, did he think i would be stupid enough to not take back my change. alot of people think it's inexcusable to use forgetfulness as an excuse for certain things, like not bringing your homework, not completing your assignment. in those situations, teachers may think it's inexcusable because students may abuse the convenient reason of forgetfulness just to get out of trouble. but in my case, there isn't any reason for me to want to make up that excuse of forgetting. it was a genuine slip of the mind.

i don't really understand why i have to admit i was at fault because even if it was my fault, it's to my own disadvantage. teachers can say it's your fault for not remembering because you should have copied it down in your notebook so you will remember. 3 days detention! but you can't have expected me to write it down on my hand right! for all you know, i may have severe diabetes thus leading to gradual memory loss, and you'll regret even having this silly argument with me when you see me suffering taking insulin injections every day! (today i read that pre-diabetes causes your hippocampus to shrink, leading to memory problems. your hippocampus is the area of the brain that is crucial to memory).

ok i wrote the diabetes thing just to prove a point. but now i'm kinda worried. oh shit do you think i have a high chance of being a pre-diabetic?! it might just be the reason why i forgot to get my change! because i never ever forget! i'm serious! not being sarcastic or anything.

ok now that i got it out of my system, i can calm down now. i will not deny that i was the one who was offended in the first place by your tone of voice. i was the one who got pissy and instigated the argument. yes yes, i know i should be open to opinions, but what i was doing was just relating to you something that happened today! you can at least empathise with me dammit! i didn't ask for your opinion. you always say i refuse to admit to a fault but do we always have to find someone to blame every time something bad happens? (ok i may have blamed that burger king lady.) but even if i did remember my change, i would have complained about her attitude anyway.

i read an excerpt about women and men from the venus and mars book, and i have to say that it really made sense. when women share their problems, all they want from the listening party is empathy and sympathy, and kind words. that's why women love to talk to women, because they are able to relate to each other and give support just by saying they understand and how could they have done that to her. but when you talk to men, they don't empathise. they don't sympathise. they just tell you what's wrong and what you should do to solve it, or what you should have done. all i wanted was some empathy, but i got told what i should have done.

it could very well be gender differences at work here. so i shall leave it to that. i realise i might get some flak for this entry, forgive me. i'm in those stupid girly moods. girls are sensitive, girls think too much, girls pick on too many things yadda yadda. spare me!

most of this entry is made out to that certain someone. it was written in the heat of the moment so pardon the nasty tone. i still love you ok!

• • • • •

monday, august 4, 2003, 12:25 AM

tomorrow is the first official day of school. but after some discussion with the girls, we decided not to go. i mean, we have to dress formal lorh. and sit with our OG which i haven't even met. they were apparently not very worth meeting according to sandra's memorable great escape on friday haha. i'm in this school but most of the time i don't know what is happening, noone tells us anything. no announcements. and the bidding system is so stressing that any ounce of excitement i had on the prospect of starting school has been killed. i had to drop psychology! imagine that. oh well, shit happens.

so far, i haven't participated in any group bonding activity. haven't been for any camps, haven't gone for orientation, haven't met anyone new. the only new friends i made were friends of friends and that doesn't count!

since we decided not to go to school tomorrow, i was thinking of asking addie and eli over for mahjong cos none of my family will be at home. but addie's got tuition, eli's mom is sick and we'd be missing a fourth player so that very exciting idea was thrashed! i won 8 dollars yesterday :) cheap thrill man.

oh and i am so suaku i didn't even know there was such a thing as ICQ2GO where we can connect to our icq accounts even if we don't have it installed on our computers. so i've been stupidly using my brother's laptop moaning over the fact that i'm unable to chat to anyone and thus feeling very lonely on the world wide web when there actually was a very simple solution to my problem. thanks jin for enlightening me. my brother refuses to let me download anything of my own onto his laptop and he doesn't use icq. which is precisely why i am very excited to get my own laptop.

i was just wondering and thinking to myself whether i'm an antisocial person. because jess's parents seem to think i am because i don't seem to be very chummy with them or able to say anything to them. i mean, that is not the only reason why i was wondering that. i know i take awhile to warm up to new people but there are times when i listen more than i talk, not because i feel like i'd make a fool of myself saying something stupid, but because i don't want to say something that might offend a person that i don't know very well.

therefore, i take my time to observe a person and see what kind of people they are by listening to them. of cos, i can't talk and listen to them at the same time so most of the time i'd be quiet.

for example, if a person is particularly pious, i'd remind myself not to say things like "jesus christ!" or "godammit!" or "holy shit!" because i did that before and a friend of mine actually said to me "do not take the Lord's name in vain". although i have the right to choose what words i use since it's my own mouth, it's not very nice to know that i probably offended someone, since religion is a pretty sensitive subject.

like say, when i first met dawn (yes, you miss chang!) :) i thought she was a very prim and proper girl, very intelligent (which she is lah) and i thought she'd be as deep and reflective as she is on her blog in real life. that was intimidating. i thought we wouldn't get along cos i am not some kind of intellect but through observation, i realised she's not like what i imagined. she is really easy to get along with, she does talk about things that don't require much brains like shopping and guys. she does bitch, she does gossip like any other girl. so you see, observation can get you far! and of cos, talking to her after getting to know her gave me an even clearer picture of the kind of person she is. so lesson #1 on meeting new people is : observe then talk, but don't yak.

about his parents. by observation i have concluded they are very smart and capable. and they are very no-nonsense kind of people. and since i am full of nonsense, i decided not to show too much of my nonsensical side in case they decide that i am too nonsensical for their only son. so i keep quiet. actually, i think their son is even more full of nonsense than me.

maybe this isn't really antisocial, but multisocial? is there such a word? sort of like adapting yourself to different people. i think everyone does that more or less to a certain extent. i'm not trying to please everyone, but i sure as hell ain't gonna offend anyone if i can avoid it. i have formed many wrong judgements of people based on first impressions and i guess that's very hard to change. my mouth is hard to shut once you get to know me though. just a warning heh.

• • • • •

friday, august 1, 2003, 01:18 AM

a whole new month, a whole new beginning.

now didn't that sound like the introductory paragraph of a very inspirational book? haha. full of shit leh.

i've been very frustrated about whether i should get a laptop. my brother just got one, so my mom wanted us to share it at first but when she realised that repayment of the loan is 6 months after my graduation, which will be in at least 3 years time, she said go for it. hmmm. after that i got down to thinking : what the hell does an arts student need a laptop for? if the timetable i plan to bid for works out, then i hardly have enough time between lectures and tutorials to even use it. plus, i already have to start repayment of my tuition fees after graduation, isn't a laptop loan just adding to the amount of money i am obliged to save just to pay off for my education?

i haven't even started school yet and i already have more than enough bills to worry about. being a working adult is gonna suck real bad! tuition fees per year is 50. assuming a 4 year course, that would be ,600 in all. adding a mere 00 to that existing debt wouldn't be too much right? i have to save a week just to pay off the tuition loan and a week to pay off the laptop loan. ai yai yai yai yai!

speaking of ai yai yai yai yai, do any of you remember i love lucy? that was like, one of my favourite sitcoms ever! used to watch alot of those old old comedies like i dream of jeannie, bewitched, petticoat junction and gomer pyle. i remember trying to decide who's the prettiest bradley sister from petticoat junction - billie jo, bobbie jo or betty jo!

ok back to the laptop thing. i'm still getting the laptop because i want to play games and MP3s! i'm so used to using my brother's laptop at home then i dread the sight of my PC and that grimy old keyboard with all sorts of disgusting food and gunk in between and under the keys. it's totally revolting!

i went for the matriculation fair on wednesday and you wouldn't believe all the shit they piled us with. cup noodles, files, hair gel, face products, voucchers, books, pamphlets. i got three tshirts. i didn't believe it when estee said to bring a huge bag cos they'd give you two kg worth of stuff. but seriously, i think it was about 10 kg. we had to lug them around as well man wtf! i bet i gained 2 kg of muscles :)

i read addie's blog just now and i'd like to say :

i missed you too babe!

we had so much fun in first three months eh? here's to another 3 or 4 years of togetherness! *muaks* i replied a whole chunk of stuff in your comments and believe me, i meant every word :)

bidding for modules starts tomorrow, and i already have my timetable planned out. i wanted to post up what i plan to bid for, so that those i haven't discussed this with can plan their timetables in such a way that we'll be in the same tutorial. but then, i am too lazy. plus, i don't think anyone cares if they're in my tutorial or not :(

tomorrow is orientation. please, oh please. spare us the lame games and cheesy introductions.

• • • • •