Mockery.

A Visit From Saint Nicholas 2000

T'was a month before Christmas,
and all through the store
All the night crew was working at their holiday chores.
Sale banners were hung by the entrance with care,
for the staff was sure customers would come there.
The children were dreaming, asleep in their beds,
of robot dogs, Playstations, and sleds.

My wife had her checkbook and I had my card,
when we hit the stores running (and we hit the stores hard),
All through the mall the shopping was furious
for all kinds of things, trivial and spurious.
The lure of the toys 'midst all the cheap fake snow
gave illusions of quality to the new junk on show,
when, what to my wondering eyes should appear,
Department Store Santa, until four pm, right here!

With a ratty old costume, so grumbly and tired,
I knew in a moment he was just recently hired.
More surly than friendly his elves they did come,
butting out cigarettes, and spitting out gum.
"Now, Dammit! Now, hurry! Get Pokemon, Barbie,
get Rugrats, get 'nSync and Backstreet and Britney!
There - on top of the shelf! There, on top of the wall!
Now buy them up, buy them up, buy them up all!"

As dry leaves caught in a wild hurricane wind,
so were we, screaming, "Spend, spend, SPEND!"
And up to their limits were the credit cards maxed,
with a houseful of toys, and later bills, on our backs.
And then, in a twinkling, I heard through the mall
the sounds of the crowd lined up on the wall.
As I drew in a breath and swore to myself
Through a fire door St. Nicholas came with a teenaged elf.
He was in polyester from his head to his toe,
except for his beard, made from what, I don't know,
and his clothes were all soaked from the slush and the snow.
A bundle of toys had been flung on the floor,
which were offered for sale, marked up some more.

His eyes - how they glazed over! His breath - how it smelled!
His cheeks were like roses, his nose - how it swelled.
His droll little mouth was curled in a sneer,
And the beard on his chin smelled strongly of beer.
That beard, I could see, was obviously false
like the yellowing teeth he held in his jaws.
He had a broad face and massive, great belly,
Which distracted the kids from that beard rank and smelly.

He was surly and mean, a real rotten old cuss,
and we laughed when we saw him and he stared daggers at us.
A yawn and a groan and a tug at his belt
soon gave me to know just how Santa felt.
He spoke not a word, but went straight to his work,
yanking a child onto his lap with a jerk.
He gave me the finger when no-one could see
and returned to the children who giggled with glee.
He did his routine, and the elf worked the till,
while parents begged their children to please just sit still
But I heard him exclaim, ere we walked out of sight,
"HAPPY CHRISTMAS TO ALL, THE LINE FORMS ON THE RIGHT."

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