imagine us* 1943h. 310705.

Here's something I took from Tanta. Love her works man. She's a pro =)

*
imagine me and you
imagine if we tried
imagine,
if dreams came true.

imagine you.
drifting away
imagine me.
left alone
imagine my fading dreams,
and my crumbling life.

dont tell me.
coz i know ive got to get away.
and maybe ive allowed my imagination
to sometimes run free.

but everytime i try to leave you here
i find myself constantly
dragged in.
falling deeper.

and tonight i find myself waiting for you.

i await for the day,
when my mind is free
when my heart mends.
and when i'm no longer alone.

coz i dont want to be reminded of the times
i spent right here waiting for you.
with you, nowhere near.
no i dont wanna be reminded of the times i spent here,
where the silence was too much to bear.

but tonight i find myself waiting for you.
again.

*

Yeah.

and you give me reason to stay* 2037h. 290705.

So July's ending in two days. Nooooooo I want to stall time! Sigh.

Today was pretty alright. Fridays have always been good anyway, probably because of the rather slack timetable. After last block we (Fanis, Kaly, Noo and myself) rushed to TPJC for the Manifestasi matinee. Watching their dikir performances made me miss dikir alot all over again ): Haish. But kudos to TPJC guy and girl dikir teams (y). You people are super pro man. How dyou do it so well without any instructors?

Lol. And I've decided, I think I've got an affinity for dikir guys. No particular ones, just them in general. Heh ;D

I aim to finish Harry Potter over the weekend! LOL. I wish I hadn't started. Now I'm finding it so difficult to put down, yet there's so much to mug. See what trouble you've got yourself in, Liy. Tsk.

Somedays I'll make it through, and then there's nights that never end.

sous le vent* 2004h. 260705.

I think my world's slowly crumbling into pieces. So much has happened and I've barely had time to even reflect. I've been so tired, so confused and never have I been more disappointed.

I just don't get it. I know I'm weak. You don't have to push me down even further. I don't hate you for wanting me to improve. Just please allow me to at least prove myself. Just because I'm half as conscientious as others doesn't give you all the right to criticise every action of mine. Especially when you know alright that I just don't have the tenacity. I know you mean well. Just stop pointing out all my mistakes and imperfections as if I'm the only one like that among the 37 of us. I just cannot stand it and it's killing me.

And I really hate it when my dad's on the afternoon shift, like today. Imran will think he owns the whole bloody place and pushes everybody around like nobody's business. He has no respect at all for mum, much less for me or the other two. It's times like this that I'd rather just lock myself up in my room and shut myself away from all that bickering that's going on outside. If it's not between him and the sisters, it's him being rude to mum. His rudeness is really beyond words. And I really have no more patience to put up with that already. God. Who does he think he is?

On a lighter note. Thanks Aini and Aisha for the Perlini's Silver bracelet. It's really pretty ;D Thanks goes to Beifen, Sab, Kiat and Vaneh as well for the necklace with the gorgeous (and I mean it) pendant! Hehe. And for the rest who made my day with well wishes and posties and hugs; Ely Fanis Kaly Noo Karim Shiwei Noddy Nadiah Janna Jerinne Yingzi Aditi Melayumates Zul and everybody else, thank you so much! I appreciate it all heh [:

Haish. Today's been rough though. I kind of knew it the minute I woke up and heard rain falling really heavily. Sigh. And I think he forgot. How's that supposed to make me feel, damnit.

What a birthday this has turned out to be. Really.

if i see you next to never* 2012h. 210705.

I'm drowning.

I wish she'd understand. I wish things were less complicated.

On to something totally different now. I'd do anything to be in her place. Yep. Hers.

How can we say forever?

how we're dying inside* 2237h. 150705.

I feel so trapped. And lost and it's really, really suffocating me. I can't believe how much strain I've put on myself these few days. I'm really pushed beyond my limits already. I cannot take it anymore. I just want to curl up in a corner and cry. Not cry now. Not when I have siblings to attend to. Housework to do. Tests to ace. (The problem is, I don't ace.)

How do some people manage to pull it off so easily? Teach me. And why's it when I need someone with me to cheer me up at my lowest moments, no one's there?

I need sleep. And I hope somewhere in my dreams tonight someone will tell me why this world is so bloody difficult to live in. Everyone's nasty. I am, too.

bombshell* 2105h. 050705.

Fine, if you want it that way. I can't and won't care less. Thanks for you know, acting like you cared. Stop it already. Give me poop and I'll give you shit.

I'm tired of always being the one to give in. So what if I'm nice. That doesn't give you any right to walk all over me. Take advantage of me. Put me down. Use me as and when you wish. And then chuck me aside when you realise I'm afterall, this garbage of hopelessness.

What is it that I have, which you don't?

earworm* 2323h. 280605.

Hahhahahaha. Okay, bear with me please, unless you're one of the not-very-many who are very into sappy Malay songs. But anyway, regardless of which group you belong to, Melayus please give this song a listen! It's by far the best jiwang song I've heard. The lyrics are super sweet, and meaningful (although a little farfetched, but who says we can't dream? ;D). Haha, talk about old. This song debuted when I was in P6! How come I didn't like it much back then, lol.

Permaisuri /Data

Aku rela hidup denganmu Demi bahagia Hanya Tuhan bisa memisahkan kita Di jaga dan lena ku kuntum kerinduanku Untuk mempersembah sayang padamu Keharuman bunga tak seharumnya cintaku Istimewa untuk sunting jiwamu Bermula pandang pertama Kau utuskan senyum mesra Aku ingin seribu tahun lagi bersamamu Ku binakanmu istana Aku rendakan bahagia Dengan niat suci Kaulah permaisuri Sambutlah cinta abadi Genggam dan semat di hati Manisnya asmara Kekal selamanya

*

-beams- Am in love with this song, it's been my earworm for days man. Wahahaha. See how a simple song can make me go crazy.

I'm tired. Let tomorrow be good.

jangan ada dusta di antara kita* 1837h. 260605.

School reopens tomorrow yelppppp. On a lighter note, at least we'll all quit being such bums, eh. I really wonder what the next 10 weeks are gonna be like. God, please bless all of us. It's Term 3, my goodness. That's when all hell breaks loose, isn't it. But it's alright. We'll just slave each week off and before we know it it'll be Term 4 already. Good, because then we'll be having our Options. But bad, because that just means we're closer to our last days in RGS. Dang.

Today was funny. In a way it helped me prepare for school, so that's great. Passed around the Cadbury I bought in the UK, haha. Somebody had 3 helpings man. o__O And the same somebody was being so noisy and evil the whole day. Wahaha. Not that we minded I guess, cos it was rather entertaining. I've come to realise, my Sundays really won't be the same anymore when the year ends. Holidays would be fine because they don't last beyond six weeks, but no longer being a part of the Sunday school I've attended for 12 years, not being able to see the same people week after week will be pure pain. ): But I shan't get to that yet, it's really too depressing. Haha, I just remembered something that happened during Ustzh Normah's lesson.

Her: So what did you people eat just now?
Aini, Turaiya and Fir, at the same time: Chocolates!
Her: Really? Buy from where?
-everybody smirks and I try to stifle my laughter-
Fir (guilty for having taken 3 helpings, LOL ;D): Err -points behind him, where I was seated, but Ustzh thought he meant the carpark behind our class-
Her: Oh, really? You're kidding man. Since when did they sell chocolates around here.
-everybody sighs in exasperation, but decides to keep quiet anyway cos there's no point explaining-

I don't think it sounds as funny here, but haha. That was just one of the funny moments of today =)

Raaaaaarghh. The euphoria of school starting again is really biting me man. )): It's okay. At least there's still tomorrow's performance to look forward to. I hope we'll do okay. Must let the Msian education minister have a good impression of RGS, wahaha.

it's like you're a demon i can't deny* 1540h. 210605.

I slept real long last night! Was tossing and turning in bed from 12, then Noo called and we talked till about 2, and I finally slept. Woke up and the clock said it was 10 in the morning. TEN? I scolded myself but instead of waking up, found myself falling asleep again and woke up again slightly after noon. Man, the jet lag must be kicking in.

Have been bumming around since then. Had brunch, then read the papers and went online. I'm just too bloody lazy to do anything and it really isn't good, is it. Haven't touched tuition homework. Thank God for Friday's math class, and Monday's controle and next week's English pt thing. Otherwise this pig wouldn't get moving. (It's like you're always on second gear.)

I ripped this off someone's page some time back, it's really sweet, aww.

"I love you means I accept you for the person that you are, that I do not wish to change you into someone else. It means that I do not expect perfection from you, just as you don't expect it from me. It means that I will love you and stand by you even through the worst of times. It means loving you when you're in a bad mood or when you're too tired to do the things I want you to. It means loving you when you're down, not just when you're fun to be with. I love you means that I know your deepest secrets and do not judge you for them, asking in return only that you do not judge me for mine. It means that I care enough to fight for what we have and that I love enough not to let go. It means thinking of you, dreaming of you, wanting and needing you constantly, hoping that you feel the same way for me."

Ah. Sigh. Oh you know. I hate making myself so confused. All the time.

what good is a heart* 1959h. 200605.

Hello! Haha. It's great to be home, really =) I wanna pen my thoughts down about the trip here but I shan't do that now. (Feeling very lazy, you see =p) But to sum up, it was a real great trip. Let's just say I enjoyed most of it, yeah even having to succumb to eating up a whole forest on a plate (more of that later), and yes. I learnt a lot. [: Of course I miss France and the UK! So much! And I miss bunking and hanging around with Kaly and Nava and the whole jingbang (howeveryouspellit). But HOME! Wahahha.

Today was heaps fun. First thing in the morning was class outing and filming of the class video at Sentosa. Was funny at parts haha and was definitely wonderful reuniting with classmates! The birthday cake we got for Beifen/Nadiah/Qingling was so sinfully delish 9: (As if French pastries aren't already creamy and rich enough.) Anyway, played in the water, got ourselves half-wet, walked to the Southermost point of the Asia continent as the Management claims -.- and took many photos and plenty of video shots. Haha. Oh, and I haven't mentioned the pretty couple we met, have I? Either we were following them, or they were stalking us. Hoho. Nah, just kidding. Anyway, if they happen to read this somehow (as if, but nevermind), I think they look real good together! The first I noticed was the guy, because I thought he looked familiar (think Nabil the runner) and I thought wow, he's good-looking. And then I saw the girl. Woaaaaaaaa how anti-climax BUT she's good-looking too. =) So, yeah. There goes a pretty couple. I wasn't the only one to think that way okay! Heh.

Okay enough about Sentosa. Haha. The afterwards was more fun =) Met up with AINIIIII. Hehehehhe. =) Missed the girl man, loads. Was just so so happy to see her. (Man Aini your head must be bursting now. I've said too many nice things to you today. LOL) But anyway. True what! So yes our agenda was to have lunch, then have her hair trimmed. Or cut. Whatever. She just needed to tame her mane a little. Er no, alot actually. Dang I should have taken before and after pictures! And put them up here! No, she'd just kill me. Haha. God, I sound hyper.

So anyway! Headed to the usual 5th level to have Wantan Mee. I was craving so badly for it while away for 2 weeks! Haha. Sadly Taman Ros was closed ): So we settled for Cahaya and guess what Aini found in her drink? A cockroach! Floating at the top! Among the ice cubes! Gross. >.< Remind me to think twice of going there ever again. After lunch we went to pray first, then we went to Rave to get her hair done. Er. Who's Rave? No, let's rephrase. We went to Rave to get Aini's hair done. Ah that's better. (LIY WHY ARE YOU TALKING TO YOURSELF!) I got the hairdresser to give Aini "a nice and neat haircut as long as it's still tieable". Well that's what she wanted! And she was so scared to speak up -.- Hahahaha. And the aftermath? Aini looked goooood! Beautiful! Pretty! Nice hair! In my honest opinion, anyway. So then I got motivated! Felt so proud of myself and just plain happy seeing her have nice hair so I dragged the poor girl around Far East getting accessories for her to play around with. I felt like a fashion guru! Haha. Was really, truly fun you know. Especially how she trusted me so much and was always asking me for my opinion and stuff. =) Not that I minded, of course. We dropped by Livia's. Where else, you ask. Hoho. Spent a reeeeeallllllyyyyyy looooooong time in there. GOD, THAT GIRL IS ONE VAINPOT. Hahah. But it was fun! How many times have I said that? She tried hairband after hairband and hairclip after hairclip and well, she almost tried on scrunchie after scrunchie but the salesgirl stopped her. -_- Haha! Anyway, yaaa she spent so much on accessories! But, it's good la =) Now her schoolmates and someone else can see her hair in abit of colour, otherwise it'd be just a usual black rubber band. (And a lion's mane hehehehehhahahahhahoho sorry Aini!) Yaaa. Wahaha.

Okay anyway other than all that shopping we shared alot of stuff, talked alot to catch up on each others' lives =))))) I've said it before and I'll say it again, I'm real happy for her. Thanks for today girl, happy 17th in advance. I'll try to make it on Saturday but if not, you have fun with him kay? =) Hahah. Love you!

I'm hungry. And stinky. Desperate Housewives today! Oh btw, does anyone know where I can find long floral skirts at good prices? I'm needing some skirts, urgently. Well we did see some pretty ones today but they're all so costly. Nyeh!