it makes me feel to see you smile* 2038h. 300404.
last day of april! good, bad? hohum.
i was, and still am, happy and smiley today. for no apparent reason. some people found it weird hahah^^ what's wrong with being happy? nothing at all! ehheh. it's good to be in a very good mood what. ahh (: i should be like this more often. happiness is rocking man! yarright. haha.
finished my part of the chem performance task. i think elizabeth taylor's so pretty (: haha. and arnold schwarzenegger has a robotic smile. ohhohoh.
oh! just now i had a bad bad experience waiting for bus 56 ah. the service is so damn slow ok. so many of the other buses kept coming - all but stupid 56! in the end i gave up and took 88. grrr. actually if not for my own forgetfulness i wouldn't have hadta wait for the bus in the first place! in my em rush, i forgot that i was supposed to buy a hairbrush -______- so instead of walking home straight after alighting at the mosque bustop, i had to resort to waiting for another bus that'd take me to em the ntuc or j8 area. anyway my point is, IHATEWAITING ah! pity the lady who was with me waiting. at least i had other bus services to resort to eh.
ahh.. anyway schl was okay, yep. i was in a good mood what! lol. but morning assembly was so LONG okay -_- nevermind. lesson learnt: bring tissue with you wherever you go if you know you're having a runny nose. chuckles-
then french haiyah. i was falling asleep zzz. but anyway it's probably the last lesson before mid-annee.. ahhh -screams- monsieur gave out quite a load of worksheets. let's see if i even complete them, hurhur.
alright. waiting for chuwen to send me the math performance task. and then i can retype the whole doc. hopefully i'll finish by ten. and then pray, iron nurul's pants then sleep. yey. pray i don't get eyebags tmrw morning :D
okay ciaaaooo. i hope there'll be a good turnout for tmr's concert yey. insyaAllah everything'll go fine (:
The greatest distance is not that of heaven and earth or hell and the clouds. Its when i'm standing in front of you, but can't say i love you.
ahh. but you know it anyway, iloveyou (:
have a good May everyone!
cos there's nothing about you i would change* 2131h. 290404.
another collapse. God forbid.
got news of it after cle just now. haish.
ohyeahh speaking of which, cle was fun. yeah it always is, anyway. but nazri hurt his back. aiyo poor kid. he's so charming ^^ lol. ahaha. no connection. don't worry, i won't fall for him. he's only a year or two older than aisyah =p
ahh. tmrw's friday. after which is SATURDAY yey. i'm kind of excited for the concert. i'm praying it won't rain. yesterday and today itself it rained around dusk. and that's about when we'll be perfing. hmm. let's hope for the best eh? and i really don't want to screw up. nah. we wont (: we wont we wont we wont. pick guitar fill fruit jar.. and be GAY-O!
HEHE.
ahh. studying's fun.
and i've been walking in and out of my room quite a few times today. every time i walk in this nice smell greets me. nice smell coming from the new pants i bought for FOUR people ah. hahaha. pandai aku. buy for others then mine sendiri haven't buy yet. woohoo.
Cinta itu belum sempurna kalau belum sampai ke puncak rindu -
(: (: (:
i know that it's true* 1954h. 270404.
Astaghfirullahalazim.
how on earth could something like that have happened? i'm still refusing to believe. but i know that it's true. if i can trust my sources, at least. but my goodness. why's everything so screwed. shucks.
and you chose to keep it from me. thanks man. i don't know if it's for better or for worse. but i'm glad that they were nice enough to tell me about it.
let this not be official. please. -prays-
Love is a priceless commodity. It's something you can give away and still keep.
feed your ears* 2030h. 230404.
i'm a loser. failure. i don't belong here. just wished i could turn back time and make a different choice. i'll probably be better off and much much MUCH happier elsewhere.
yeah. i would. really. but there's one thing i know i'll be greatly missing out on. the friends i've made since January`02. i'm not saying that friends can't be made elsewhere. that'll be absurd. but i love the life here. just not academic wise. i suck in everything else, but activities outside of the curriculum. now how can that not be frustrating. tsk.
and i'm sorry you guys have to have a vicepresident who's just so damn lousy in her work she almost had to transfer elsewhere to save her own face. yeck. if i can't do well in anything (not even MALAY which is deproving by the day. then again maybe it's just cg nuraini's way of assessing), might as well forget about getting high posts in the two excos. yeah. forgetit.
eurgh.
Destiny is not a matter of chance - its a matter of choice. Its not something to be waiting for, its something to be achieved.
yeah. true that. thanks ely. my dear quoteswoman who doesn't fail to lighten up my mornings even more with her fantab quotes (: yep. ilu girl <3
and i really cannot afford to screw up any more.
i want to make myself happy. make you happy. haish. stabs self- again.
don't give up on me* 1947h. 210404.
my brother is a jerk.
am i surprised? not the least bit. tsk -_-
and is asking for the simplest favour so difficult? you're going out and gna be walking past the bookshop anyway, so why can't you just help zap a copy of the letter? it's only one side. ONE. won't take more than a minute. if you can't then tell me nicely, not just give me that look and walk off in a huff. hmmf. oh i'm not talking about my bro. it's someone else in the fam. nevermind about that.
two more days. two more days of crap and i'm out of this #(!&$^!(#&ing week. then again, it's just a matter of three nights and two days.. before it all falls back into routine again. gah. sometimes i wonder why is it that i always look forward to weekends so much. afterall they're always too short. but. yeah better than nothing.
i still need an answer. i need an answer, yet i've learnt to not care too much. maybe not at all. it's okay if they don't want to tell me anything. it's okay. cos i'm really just not gna let these things affect me and get me emotionally drained. pms and the mood swings that come with it are bad enough. i'm just gna look at things in a neutral manner. there are two sides to things all the time, anyway. it's up to the individual from which perspective he or she wants to look at. okay i duno what i'm talking about.
ely sent me this in the morning:
relationships are like sand in your hand. held loosely, and the sand stays. but once you get a grip on it, it slips away.
true eh? anyway just now i was looking thru my drawer searching for my sticky note thingys - whatever you call them. and i found my old notebook. the one i took so long to decorate and everyone was so impressed with the end product hurhur^^ ya.. and i came across the back cover where i wrote all the lovely quotes from sec2 (i think i got them from ely also =p) yep, shall type them up here one at a time. lol.
aight dinner calls.
nothing's the same anymore* 2250h. 200404.
i am in pain.
in more aspects than one.
i'm in pain because it hurts to see people so stressed. and shagged. and, i dunno. walk into the malay rm after school or during rs/some other free block, and you'll see what i'm talking about. and it pains me even more. the fact that noone else can understand what these people including myself are going through. no one else but us alone. alone.
i'm in pain because i miss the old us. true, we can't help change. but whoever said change has to result in severing friendship ties? i don't think so.
i'm in pain because my whole body system is screwed. no wait scratch that. i'm just not normal anymore. yesterday during chem pract i absent-mindedly got a whole lot of nitric/hydrochloric acid onto my bare hand. after that it turned so pale, like i died or something. scared toffa and noddy out.. and i really have to thank them for being so caring. thanks, and i want to add a smiley in but i'm not in the mood for smileys. eurgh.
and then today i barely survived school. had this freaking bad tummyache. i dunno what it was. cramps? no cramps aren't like that. diarrhoea? i dunno. but it sure hurt. and i had to do compre test with it. wow. it hurts till now. i tried using a bag of warm water but stil it hurts. i'm sweating for no reason now. and i almost puked my dinner out. congrats liy.
and i'm in pain because i'm torn - again. between giving my body the rest it needs (so at least i'll get slightly better), and studying for the coming tests. i hate this. the heart yearns to study (because i MUST study and i MUST NOT screw up any more than i already have) yet the mind says the body wants rest. if i don't study i'll get nagged at. by the guilty conscience and by you. if my health deteriorates, i'll get nagged at too. by my parents, and by you too. wow. and oh one last thing (not): the eyebag problem. i sleep yet it's still there. when i don't sleep it goes away. what do i do then? tsk.
what's become of the world?
i'm still in pain. Allah, give me the strength to pull through this.
and shucks. just realised i forgot to call nadz to ask her if she's doing well enough to go to school tmrw. see, this is what a screwed up body system does to you. it disallows you from doing things you want to do. another example? i was supposed to start studying at latest, nine. it's eleven now and i haven't started.
heal the world
make it a better place
for you and for me
and the entire human race
ya. sure. look what became of the one who sang that.
and again i ask; what's become of the world?
love me just a little while* 1713h. 180404.
heheeeee (: -grins like a mad evil-
alot of things happening. ohwell. just hoping for the best, i suppose.
i'm STILL wondering when's the next time p10's gna play i'm still in love with you, by sean paul feat sasha. i love that song okay :D (i'm still in looooooooove with you boyyy. just a dutty dutty love) haha. i think i irritated noddy and ely cos i kept singing those two lines. hahaha. not my fault that it's very much applicable right? (:
ahh yesterday was tiring. i officially HATE rangkaian padi ah. i still remember loving it so much in sec one. and that's prolly cos i was playing angklung. it's so &#(@&$(@&$-ing on kulintang! -cries- i think the ones who have to suffer most are the poor melody players ah. nevermind, us kuls shall do fine yah? then dikir, which was quite -_________- cos 1) attendance was -muttermutter- and 2) instructor couldn't come. and i realised we're the only group that had a prac in the first place. tarian went to watch JT and bahas was cancelled or something. lucky ducks^^ but ohwell (:
ely followed me home after that. haha. took turns to do zuhur, then had lunch, then took turns to have a bath and get ready all. waaa ely sexy mama! look what she wore man (: and she looked good. duh, she's my friend :p and then her blouse matched fanis' bag hahaha-
alright thennn left for buona vista. waited and waited and waited and waited for robiah, fanis and ex secfours. in the end the seniors said they were gonna be late (woah we were SO surpised eh ely? ;p) so we left with the two monkeys (: reached rj (which is scarily secluded. so many trees ah?), asked for directions to the prayer room and then. prayed? yeah. quite a couple of rg perbayuans there already. haha. ohwell. Laila was emm.. okay. the storyline's very similar to putih merah's. but yeah. i love the fairygodmats! rudy's so emm natural. haha. and kak yus and jau are very (: Laila and Firdaus AAAHAHAHAHA -chuckles- i will kill fiz for laughing at me.
yep. then went home with ex secfours. in particular kak anisah and kak liyana. hoho^^ reached home ten minutes to mn? lols. then i was debating whether to sleep or eat. cos i was both hungry (only had one meal) and sleepy. and i was lacking in both anyway. but in the end i gave in to my stomache. haha. and slept late and woke up late today = wasn't able to do my jogging before madrasah just now. aiyer =X
alright. it's so stinking hot nowadays. i'll go bathe now now now now. and start on some work (:
ilu* baby.
malu tak? =p
and to think i almost died yesterday. literally.
right down to the wire, even through the fire* 1943h. 140404.
BAHH humbug. i feel stupid. yes. STUUUUPID. stupid.
woohoo. nevermind! i just feel damn stupid. how come eh? i think it's fengshui. sitting at the back with lin hannah and lun is making me more forgetful than ever! hoho. or maybe it's just. this week. dang! and you know me. i HATE losing things. even if it's just a pencil. or eraser. or.. nametag! hah. nevermind :D
okay anyway alotta hilarious things happened today :D after school, i mean. was supposed to go support netball (and i wanted to) but alot of people pulled out and noone wanted to go with me and kak hanna PESTERED me to stay with her so i didn't go (sorry toffa =/). but i did have fun. kak hanna rocks wooyea :D love her to bits. and nar too, la. then somehow i got dragged to the east hoho. me and nar were left alone after tanah merah (i bet someone had FUN), after which we took the train tooo. em. yes. pasir ris.
took 88 from there. walau. after tapping my card i steadily walked up the steps to the upper deck.. all the while getting ready for a nice long one-hour nap (journey takes an hour, see). but nooooo right, just as i settled down, set my eyes on TVmobile, guess what i saw? mynahs flying around. yes. mynahs. the black birds with yellow beaks. WALAU! what were they doing in an air conditioned bus sia. upper deck some more. aiyo! and there were only what, six of us on the upper deck? yeah. then one by one people started alighting so i decided to just go sit at the lower deck. but homygoodness. few minutes later the birds flew down! waieoo. and all the while when i was upstairs and wishing they'd fly down, they didn't.. sheesh! then in the end one of the birds got to fly out when the door opened. i think the other flew back up to the upper deck. until my bustop i could still hear it chirping. so poor thing =/ and the driver also blur! i bet he thought he was seeing things.. hoho.
---
Through the fire, to the limit, to the wall
For just to be with you I'd gladly risk it all
Through the fire, thru whatever come what may
For a chance at lovin you, I'd take it all da way
Right down to the wire, even through the fire
haha the middle parts are so HIIIIIGH. like really cut throat high man. but i like it anyway (:
yey. love youyuuu <3
shabum shabum shabum* 2100h. 130404.
WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE.
okay. aussie high school kids are niiiice (: ehh wait. nice is a tad too general. they're amiable. yeahhh woohoo! and with looks. and TALENT. ahhh i love their acapella group :D shabum shabum shabummmmm. woohoo. i so don't regret staying back (until freaking 1900h) for that man. i'm sure so didn't many others. :D :D :D :D
plus! something happened. oh well. you're so.. what's that word for it? ahha! slipped my mind i guess. but nevermind! (: made my day though i was damn tired (and still am). aaalalala.
oh anyhow, i was damn slenger today. no wait. ESPECIALLY slenger today. kept forgetting stuff or leaving them lying around. tskkk. first, my sweater. that was during recess. then my pencilcase which fanis mistook for hers and took away (i was actually PANICKING when i realised i didn't have it with me la k. silly fanis^^). and then my wallet. which i nicely left on the mat at the gym cos we were wheeling the kuls out. damn, i'm smart. woohoo.
okay i'm on a high. high high high. she's so HIIIIIIIIIIIIIGH high above me.. lol.
like someone said- i'd better not get too overthecloud. there's 2.4 time trial tmrw. i'm praying my body can take it. and hoping i won't get heartburn, please no. and ohyes. two EOIs on saturday. TWO. nevermind. at least there's laila to look forward to. study hard now, be happy later. (see, i'm taking your advice. be happy.)
---
i'm just a fool
a fool in love with you**
but all i can do is try* 0817h. 090404.
eurgh. where's everyone. asleep? really. tsk.
holiday today. yeah sure. like wow.
i think it's about time people stop making use of me. i'm just human like you are, excuse me. eurgh. EURGHHHBUFFALONITIWIT. i hate it when you do this to me. it's not like the first time this is happening. eurgh. i'm not a freaking ROBOT la for goodness' sake. i have FEELINGS too okay. i'm not a TOY to play with. not a MACHINE at your disposal. none of that. EURGH.
i feel like wringing something dry. maybe that'll help. eurgh.
nothing makes sense anymore* 2030h. 070404.
screw it.
screw, damn it.
i hate. being in the middle of everything. eurgh.
if i'm the reason everyone is still "together",
then what if one day i decide to lay my hands off it all and just. give up? what are you gonna do, live life separately?
i know i shouldn't be doing this. but. really buay tahan already. swallow that damned pride. difficult yes, but DO it, damn it. don't just think for yourselves. think for those around you. for the rest of US. no wait. that's just another big PROBLEM all together. WHAT HAPPENED TO US? damn it.
for once i'm agreeing with mum. and realising it for myself. it hit me real hard in the face. the things i do for friends are just too much. the reason i'm not as close as i'm supposed to be with my fam anymore, is because of friends. the reason why i'm not spending time home with mum tmrw before sportsfest, is friends. the reason why i'm rushing to finish my work, is friends. friends. after over a month now, i found the reason as to why i didn't and haven't been following my fam overseas.
and in the end do i feel good? no.
how great. i suppose if you people don't take the effort, i shouldn't, either. i'm gonna go set my priorities right. it's no longer friends. more like, family.
sorry, anyway. i didn't have much of a choice. now let's see what happens.
i feel like crying. not like tears would change anything.
that's all i'm breathing for* 1900h. 050404.
aaaahh time flies. april already. so fasT? i'm freaked yes i am. howell. even so, i'm dying for june hols to come (ha ha ha) ahh yes, madrasah camp's on the 29th of May. that's gonn be a good start to the semester break, i hope (: it has to be, everything madrasah-related somehow or otherwise always turns out gooeed :D wooyea to that. hm why'm i talking about something that's like more than four weeks away^^ hoho. two more days left of school this week. rocks man.
anyhow. i've taken my medication and stuff but still my nose refuses to get less runny! in fact i think it's getting worse.. X_X and i had better remember to bring packets and packets of tissue to school. unless. ergkk.. gross =/ and my cough isn't getting very much better either. i still cough like some old woman^^ hoho.
i still haven't decided which to go for, gym or choir. or band? hm. wanted gym, but it clashes with laila. #(&$(@#(@&$(&%0! and choir.. how ex. but ah well, i guess choir it is, then. ooh speaking of which, can't wait to hold OUR concert :D wooyea. first may, saturday evening, sentosa's ferry terminal. come, people, come! foc, excluding entrance fee to sentosa. all the more you should come! wooyea. (waaa i make such a good promoter i tell you -_*)
out of my mind
nothing makes sense anymore
i want you back in my life
that's all i'm breathing for..
---
haha everyone's hooked on that now - really, blue have such good voices yumm :9 lalala.
i'm running out of things to say. typical, gee. emmmm. yeah well things are looking now eh :D Alhamdulillah, i must say. hopefully they stay like this. i know the confusion still exists, but at least there's no conflict nor misunderstanding, hoho. blabla ILOVEYOUUU <3
hoyea. are there lessons on thursday before sportsfest? they keep coming up to the podium and telling us to report at bishan stadium at 1245 and what to wear what not to wear, who's coming, and how we should cheerclapcheerclapgiveencouragement bladibla BUT they don't tell us what we're DYING to hear of. doesn't the school rock.
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