and so by the way i thank you* 2313h. 301204.

Second last day of 2004. Today went well, actually and for that I'm pretty thankful. Grateful also, to have regained the drive to do work hahah.

Also I really really wish there was something I could do to stop the death toll from Asia's deadly tsunami from rising so rapidly. Today's newspapers said more than 70,000. Then it rose to 81,000 as I found when I came online. And last I heard its 100,000. Astaghfirullahalazim. God please, please have mercy on those kind souls.

How much worse can things get? And I don't understand how people can still afford to party to "usher in the new year". Huhh.

I've realised how grateful I am for having being born and raised here I mean I really cannot imagine myself elsewhere but in Singapore, even when there are the times when things get so out of hand you just wanna escape. Even then. I feel whoever who is not the least bit bothered by what's happening in our neighbouring countries, deserves to be squashed into a luggage bag and thrown into the sea.. who cares where the bag lands. For it's time for us to wake up and stop living in the shadows of our bigger neighbours. Yes we're small and it's really a wonder how we've been able to avoid all the natural disasters that somehow hit everywhere but home. But aren't they all signs from God? What if one day we get hit, and hit real hard? Who's gonna save us?

Aughh. The end's coming. And we should all be scared and start doing something. Something more.

held up so high on such a breakable thread* 0934h. 261204.

The rest of the day is an eternity, stretching beyond the realms of endurance. I just want to sleep but I can't. I'm strangely calm, all cried out, but my spirits are leaden. They lie like a dead weight in the pit of my stomach, physically hurting. Can you understand what it's like wanting someone so badly, needing someone so much that every second spent without them feels like a lifetime?

Outside the sky has turned the most amazing shade of pink, touching the houses with rose-coloured fingers spreading like a huge soft blanket across the horizon. It's so beautiful, but even as I watch in awe the pink gradually begins to fade to grey and then inky swells of ominous black.

Dangerous and threatening.
But still beautiful.
Only now, when it's too late, do I realise exactly how I feel.

'I love you, both,' I whisper to the heavens, and as if in response they begin to cry for me, great sheets of rain thundering down to hit the ground like the lash of a thousand whips.

I'm lost in memories. But what's the point. SClub once said that there's no use looking back or wondering how it could be now or might've been. And this I know, but still I can't find ways to let you go - Aughh.

superstition ain't the way* 1823h. 241205.

When Christmas comes it means school starts soon ahhhhhh /: But ohwell. That's good cos at least I won't be such a lazy pig anymore yeayyy.

Somebody stole the angklung posters. The pretty ones that Nurulhuda painstakingly drew and coloured homigod. Erghhh. Okay so maybe they weren't stolen but they couldn't have just flown away lah halluuu. Like, one and a half sets? Cos one set = 2 pieces of paper. Ahhh nevermind. There goes my money ergff. At least the one at the foyer is still intact. It'd better be.

And why, why is Meet the Fockers rated NC16? Sexual humour? Halluuu don't we hear that every other day la please! Ahh nevermind. There's always the worthwhile wait for the VCD anyhoots [: Ladida. Ohyes Ocean's Twelve was good but the group of girls behind Tanta and I, who obviously sounded like they're from a girls' school, were being SO BLOODY NOISY I wanted to throw my unfinished nachos into their faces. If you don't understand what's happening and how the storyline's going then shut up and listen so you'll catch what they're saying la hullo.! Annoying like heck. Every tiny thing also must say so loudly. O_O Like every time Brad Pitt comes out they'll hyperventilate so loudly and SCREAM out "shuaige!". What the heck -_+

Wahahah I sound like some angsty teen. Anyway Dad's been in a bad mood since forever, I'm getting scared blehh. Like he keeps scolding and scolding and putting on that fierce look eeyer.

I topped madrasah class agaiin wheee Alhamdulillah (((: Must make sure I do the same next year wahahahah. Hopefully Fir and Aini stay consistent too, then we can be The Unbeatables for 4 consecutive years wahahaha :D

Seeing someone made me happy today :) I liked the windbreaker! So chio. And oyy I want my Sec4 EMaths text la bruda hurry pass to me please xP

Life's a parabola. It's back to the old Dyakrptexx. Emofied and restless.

i've got sunshine on a cloudy day* 1423h. 201204.

Bah. Long holidays make Liy a lazy pig. Eep. Being lazy is bad enough. Being a pig is another thing altogether. I lost so much weight yet I gained it all back. Wahahha I'm so angry it's amusing. Weighty issues, lol. Shan't continue lest people will start labelling me as this weight-obsessed teenybopper. Ew.

School starts in 2 weeks. Or has this blog been informed already? I'm doing everything else but revision. Seems like I need help having my engine jumpstarted (?). Once it's up and running I know I'll never stop. Chehh xP Er yeah so I'd better start soon. This week (: Abit late I'm sure. But better late than never! (Wahhaha rhymes)

I feel like giving my hair a crop.

and then if you can remember* 1203h. 191204.

Today was a pretty fun day! Actually so was yesterday. Wahahah. Finally got to watch Polar Express. Em, yesterday I mean. Lol had to travel alll the way down (or up?) to Causeway Point just to catch the 1505h show. And that's also since mum and dad wanted to catch Putri Gunung Ledang which was showing simultaneously. Anyway Polar is a real good watch. Not that kiddish or anything, it's actually pretty full of suspense for a G-rated show. Marvellous, nonetheless. Go watch [: Don't download! *wags finger at some people* Tsk xP

Today was yet another family outing. (And so's tomorrow. I should be grateful lol) Did morning jog first. Felt real good cos we haven't done any jogging as a family since before Ramadhan. Understandable, yesno? Haha. After a not-so-proper lunch we headed for Bedok Sports Hall for World Pencak Silat [: So fun! Really! Hehh. It was pretty much on impulse cos we didn't quite have any plans so dad suddenly brought up the idea and off we went. And no I'm not regretting it *insert wide grin* I wanna go again tmrw! Bahh fat chance. But I don't care. Imma join silat. Dad says I can so I'll try to find some time. Ohwell. /:

Then we went all the way to Woodlands again. This time to help my gramps move house. Wahpiang moving house is so tiring a job. Especially if the house you're moving to is a three-storey bungalow. Crazy shite. I'd rather live a simple house in this humble abode of mine please thankyou. (: And I hope my mum realises that too. And quit her on-off ramblings about how everyone else is moving or renovating house and we aren't. Wahah. Whatever =p Too bad I've got dad's mindset. Whee.

Anyway anyway. I had a ball of a time admiring my uncle's muscles. Actually his bod. Wahhh *fans self*. And he's really so strong and so pro :D Told my mum what I thought and then she said he works out at the gym and does the stuff a bodybuilder does. No wonder. Lol. And last time before marriage he used to be this scrawny yet tall and handsome guy. Now like, 420380291times better. Nyahahaha. Reminds me of Mr Incredible! Only difference being that my uncle was never fat.

Today's a good day. And I'm sleepy and tired I can't stay up any longer to do what I'm supposedta do for RS. Blehh /: Nevermind I'll do it first thing in the mornin tomorrow.

I'll sleep a happy person tonight. Fir's back! Whee. And Sanjay too x) Hahaha these NP people, tsk. Oh and I just heard from Aini last night! Whee. Reality's not that bad afterall once you've learnt to look on the better side of things. It's even better if you start living each day as if there's no tomorrow. Kinda reminds me of one of Prophet Muhammad's wives who treated him so well because she lived each day just like that - as though it was his or her last living day. Wahh so touching. Let's all be like that, then the world would be a much much better place. Wahaha. Ya right. That'll take eons x)

Then again you know what. They always say happiness is shortlived and I've seen that too many a time. Bahh. Let's hope this time it'll last a bit longer. Anyway. I miss dikir a heck lot. Bahhhh /: I miss doing tepuk10, miss singing my lungs out, miss hearing the rebana, gong and canang.. Ahhhhh.

don't you ever wish you were someone else* 1340h. 161204.

I Live My Life For You - Firehouse

Y'know you're everything to me and I could never see
The two of us apart
And you know I give myself to you and no matter what you do
I promise you my heart

I've built my world around you and I want you to know
I need you like I've never needed anyone before

*I live my life for you
I want to be by your side in everything that you do
And if there's only one thing you can believe is true
I live my life for you

I dedicate my life to you, you know that I would die for you
But our love would last forever
And I will always be with you and there is nothing we can't do
As long as we're together

I just can't live without you and I want you to know
I need you like I've never needed anyone before

*I live my life for you
I want to be by your side in everything that you do
And if there's only one thing you can believe is true
I live my life for you

I live my life for you

*

Awesome. And I finally, finally get to listen to this song again. Ah, how archaic. I really really wish I could turn things around and start all over again. If only I had the butterfly effect.