say no more* 200704. 101004.

yeaaap some things just don't change hurhur (:

okay nevermind- you prolly won't get what i'm talking about anyways so hee.

today was a good (though not very productive day). ha ha. in the morning was uhh madrasah exams- fiqh and tauhid. lols. both papers were pretty much okay haha, i'm rather satisfied myself. just hoping for the best la, insyaAllah. (wa piaang if only sch exams would be like that haiiiyah) but anyway my class is so very rocking :D haha, no kidding. everyone was like sharing and comparing answers lol lol lol. i was like in the middle of everything and wondering what to do ha ha. was very difficult to concentrate cos the guys at the back were making so much noise. lols couldn't help but laugh at their cockiness ha ha ha ^^

went home. supposedly wanted to finish studying for next sunday's paper so i won't have to chiong last minute but uhhh. i ended up watching the hindustan show (kuch naa ho or something) most of the the time heehee. was very nice. i like the opening titles verily much yey! the story itself unfolded very very nicely. and being the typical hindustan show, it was so full of climax la walau cannot tahan. but fun (:

hmm after that decided to take a short nap. ended up getting so annoyed at imran that **** (for you to infer). wth can't he just understand basic courtesy! i hate it when he's like that (which is like.. most of the time.. all the time. GRRR) no manners, this child . ERGH. i threatened him saying the next time i see him being rude (which will be any moment now), i'd take my dad's electronic shaver and shave all of his hair off. i mean imran's. walieuu what a brother he is. ERGHFFF. nvm. no use ranting anyway. he won't change for the better. not anytime soon. i am really hoping God will like soften his heart or something. he really needs some kind of miracle to get to em2. we're not even talking about em1 here. blahhhh. ohwell. sometimes i blame myself for being such a bitchy sister but. grrr.

so anyways. just finished refining karangan peribahasa. i don't think i'll choose to do it in the exams. unless i really have no points for the other option, that is. cos ha ha i am so NOT an old grandmother who has so many stories to tell that would actually FULLY and er FULLY (hhahhaha) illustrate the FULL meaning of a peribahasa. darnnn.

now there's exposition to do. bahh. actually Lau has potential to be a good teacher la. i mean he's patient and all that. but he has to learn to not make our lessons so emm boring and dry. ha.. well. his games also, ya Allah. i wouldn't even call them games LOL. but well. at least he takes effort, must commend him for that =) haha. and i feel my class should do him a favour and not be so mean. we're always like taking advantage of him, the poor thing haha. i tell you, if ms cheryl ng were to relief us for one day, we'd all walk out of class with zombiefied faces. that's if she doesn't walk out on us first. ha ha.

anyway it's about a week to exams. am i dead or what, haiiyah. God bless me. and everyone else (:

some things don't change (:

haii. but right now though, i wish i could take the confusion go all away. i thought this would have been for the better. now i realise it might actually turn out to be the opposite. i might end up getting more than what i bargained for. i like * but i love someone else. it's for you to infer who fits where. i don't know for sure myself.

but oh anyway! yeyyy Alhamdulillah my friend is back =) yes that friend heeheehee. superman specs eh hahahaha yey! i missed you and i'm v glad we're back to normal. maybe even better now. yeah i guess we're better off as friends right (: heehee. yes Allah is great Allah is merciful (: friends forever* heehee.

okay this has been a very long entry. tk care people (:

don't even get me started* 2254h. 061004.

you don't know how i feel.

there's no point in letting it out anyway.

oh SIGH.

i wish i could just bury my head into my books and just let them swallow me up.

why am i here in the first place. no wait. i'm not supposed to be questioning my existence so scrap that. what happened to me. how did all this happen?

sometimes the things you want to have, you just cannot.

this was one whole big mistake.

baby i love you, you are my life* 1911h. 011004.

it's october! *stares in horror* haha ohwell. nothing we can do to stall time, is there? so yeah. anyway i'm supposed to be on hiatus right, haha, but well. i just had to sneak in an entry la. my apologies, hoho.

well today was alright. pretty much a good start to october, actually. happy children's day? lol. my sister's weird. i mean lina. wth she wants a family outing because she wants a children's day present? LOL what crap is thaaaat. i don't remember being like that ha ha. ohwell. but still. i look at her and umm i'm reminded of myself. especially the guai-ness. (back then when i was a primary sch kid. now loook what became of mugger me)

french fin d'annee. o ho ho. i was freaking out so much and hyperventilating at the eleventh hour. i probably could have gotten a heart attack if not for the constant hugs and whatnots by the people around me, so thank you my gurlies (: hmmm the paper itself - well i shan't comment, for the fear of the worst. am just praying for the best.. insyaAllah yeah? but anyway. i love my frenchies. i love f3b. most importantly i love janna! haha i hope she reads this, lol. girlfriends forever otayyy? *hi five

beyonce's dangerously in love is such a soothing song. hilmi was right. and so's kaly. haha the song kept me going through out the day. was even scribbling the lyrics down on the rough paper we were given to do our Redaction draft, go figure! haha.

ohwell. i seem to be on a testimonial spree or something ;) no la, it's just me feeling nice lol! mwahaha. this has been a good start to the month. promising enough, ay? hehe.

well i shan't muse anymore. that's enough for now. toodles!

talk to me, even if it's to say goodbye* 250904. 1323h.

saturday and i'm back in school. needed the com to access french sites. studying in school's really productive. yey go me! hurhurhur. ely's two classes away. or that's where she was, the last i saw of her. bet she's with the lit group now or something.

so anyway. will be on HIATUS. until after my com gets better. more importantly, after exams lah tu. so yeap. take care everybodayy (: lovelots*

ohyeah before i go - here's another song! lols. it was playing on class95 at like 0400 jnow haha don't ask why or how or what i was up for haha >.< anyway yeap this song really really says it all. actually there are other songs also la but i really cried after listening to this one. sobs. so here goes-

Michael Learns to Rock - That's Why You Go Away

Baby won't you tell me why
There is sadness in your eyes
I don't won't to say goodbye ... to you
Love is one big illusion
I should try to forget
But there is something left in my head

You're the one who set it up
Now you're the one to make it stop
I'm the one who's feeling lost ... right now
Now you want me to forget
Every little thing you say
But there is something left in my head

I won't forget the way you're kissing
The feeling so strong were lasting for so long
But I'm not the man your heart is missing
That's why you go away - I know it

You were never satisfied
No matter how hard I try
Now you want to say goodbye ... to me
Love is one big illusion
I should try to forget
But there is something left in my head

I won't forget the way you're kissing
The feeling so strong were lasting for so long
But I'm not the man your heart is missing
That's why you go away - I know it

(Yes I know)

Stand here all alone in the middle of nowhere
Don't know which way to go
There ain't so much to say now between us
There ain't so much for you (so much for you)
There ain't so much for me (so much for me)
If you leave (now)

I won't forget the way you're kissing
The feeling so strong were lasting for so long
But I'm not the man your heart is missing
That's why you go away - I know it
That's why you go away - I know it

*

hmm. shrug- can't help but feel guilty, cos yet again i'm the one at the receiving end. it's not being teraser. it's called coming to your senses and accepting reality.

tell me how did this happen? ah sigh. things won't change now. they can't. i've gone too far. forgive me?

more than words is all you have to do to make it real* 1149h. 230904.

hello hello hello!

wow. not being online for very very long really makes you realise how much you shouldn't take things for granted man. whee. so anyway, am at shawlab now for malay. stumped at my krgn peribahasa (no, i'm just lazy to finish) so yeeap. and hey tell me which teenager deprived from proper Internet access would resist clicking the IE icon huhhh? mwahaha x)

been doing alot of thinking these days. realised how deep some songs i used to take very lightly, can actually be. well here's one. there's alot more yep but yeah. this one says it all. usually when i post up song lyrics it'll be on firstperson context. this time it isn't. so here goes - to whom it may concern.

Air Supply - Goodbye
I can see the pain living in your eyes
And I know how hard you try
You deserve to have so much more
I can feel your heart and I sympathize
And I'll never criticize
All you've ever meant to my life

I don't want to let you down
I don't want to lead you on
I don't want to hold you back
From where you might belong

You would never ask me why
My heart is so disguised
I just can't live a lie anymore
I would rather hurt myself
Than to ever make you cry
There's nothing left to say but goodbye

You deserve the chance at the kind of love
I'm not sure I'm worthy of
Losing you is painful to me

I don't want to let you down
I don't want to lead you on
I don't want to hold you back
From where you might belong

You would never ask me why
My heart is so disguised
I just can't live a lie anymore
I would rather hurt myself
Than to ever make you cry
There's nothing left to say, but goodbye

You would never ask me why
My heart is so disguised
I just can't live a lie anymore
I would rather hurt myself
Than to ever make you cry
There's nothing left to try
Though it's gonna hurt us both
There's no other way than to say goodbye

*

do you remember? are you reminded? cos i am. and it's painful. it hurts. but what can we do. now.. too bad. i miss you.

heh. okayla enough lols. better get back to malay haha. fifteen minutes left! nyahaha. bio eoy later. go me. InsyaAllah (:

doe a deer, a female deer* 1444h. 040904.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY NURUL FATIN AHMAD SUDIRMAN!
heh yepp. may God bless you always my dear friend (: love you loads mwahahaha you'll get your present soon okay? stay cheery.

bah so anyway. now at OpenHouse. blahhh so boring. waiting for time to hurry pass. seeeelah. when you want it to fly it crawls. bah.

dian's here. haha. says she looks stupid with my hairband on. do i agree? hmmmmm. heehee. silly girl. okay she wants to write.

HIEE!!!!! dian here!!! wheee~! sangat funnnnn~!!!!! =)

LOL crappy lah you dian. so anyways. IM SO BORED. grrr. lalala. oh haha just changed layout if you didn't notice. yeyyy.

and hol's are here. happyhappyjoyjoy.. not! am still contemplating going to johor with my fam on monday. eee johor. haha no offence. i just don't like going there. baaaaaaah.

dian is being crazy. yes crazy crappy cute dian. AS IF AH lol my foot man. hurhur -___-

ok enough. forgot what i wanted to say (always ah.. damn annoying) so yeah. shall let this monkey here use the com. >)

IM NOT A MONKEYYYYYY!!!!! dian here btw. again. IM NOT A MONKEYYY!!!!

ok dian you're still a monkey no matter what! heehee. my monkey haha. OK LA FINE LA NOT MONKEY K! heehee.

hmmm x_X ok take care everyone! have fun! go watch 13 going on 30! garfield! cinderella story! princessdiariestwo! haha. i wish =P

with every word i'm saying* 2002h. 290804.

argh.

nothing. is. going. right.

nothing!

astaghfirullah. God help.

this is so saddening. freaking saddening.

i need you.

and i suppose i'll be up till late again tonight. maybe i won't even sleep. it doesn't matter.

once again i question the reason as to WHY every thing bad has to happen all at the same time, one after another. oh damn it.

because love is a strange and funny thing* 280704. 0620h.

wheee i'm back =) my Internet's back, Alhamdulillah. a little slow but it's okay. haha am wondering who fixed it. i suppose it fixed itself lol. smart com *pats HAHA.

so anyway look at the time. if you're wondering why in the world i'm up here so early in the morning well. last night i was doing work and chatting ah (not good, i know). and then aisyah came in and asked me to layan her to sleep so i did. and i fell asleep too. unknowingly x____x so when i woke up, the lights were still on, aisyah wasn't on my bed, i looked at the clock, it said ten minutes to six waaaaah. damn bodoh i tell you. no wonder in my sleep i thought dad came to me mumbling something about the computer being on yadayada. i think he switched it off for me. lols. always happens.

two days ago, i think, the same thing happened. was making tea cos my mum wasn't at home. so while waiting for the tea to brew i went into my room, supposedly to study french ah. took my dossier, sat on my bed and what do i know, i find myself waking up at 9pm. wow. and dad came and said; eh you made tea without sugar? what, self-service is it? okay you won't know how stupid i felt hurhurhur.

mwahaha. anyhows i'm looking for someone to go have breakfast with today. since angklung starts later than usual. dumdeedee. and oh i'm so glad week nine is over, but that just means another gruelling week. ahhh. sept hols are so around the corner and am i excited? of cos not. more like worried man. how much of the year is there left? won't answer that.

but anyway. next tuesday is 31st is it not? lols i still haven't gone around to collecting donations for NKF. next time i just shouldn't accept their offer laaaa. but it's like whenever they call i just feel obliged to say yes. like a bit paiseh to turn them down. so. boooo =( ohwell i have what, three days? HAHA. oh and sunday there's a fam gathering sooo. it'll make things easier. nyaha.

and oh boy are we all dead for malay project or what. and oh boy it takes up 20% of the final mark. ohh boy. if we screw this up there goes my only A1. oh boy. oh boy. fanis robiah and nar. MALAY HOWWWW.

oh boy.

don't leave me hanging* 1446h. 180804.

ahhh computers hate me i tell you. even this school one i'm using! what sia. maybe i'm jinxed huh? lols. ooh yea anyway, sorry i haven't being updating- as i told some people, my female dog of a laptop just refuses to let me open Explorer these days. like the connection is established, they sign me in onto MSN and yet! can't access Internet. have never heard such nonsense before man. so right now i'm staying in schl to get pictures for French presentation. and do malay proj script with nar. goodluck to us, hurhur.

alot has been happening. good and bad. as always la. you win some, you lose some right.. but ho! i'm happy and so thankful, so yep doesn't matter anyway.

ahhhh i KNEW i had alotta blog about. now all forgotten already. bleh =( aight good day all! [:

the greatest distance* 1423h. 150804.

WHAAAAAT it's mid august already =| where did the earlier part of the year gooooo? oh man. soon enough it'll be ramadhan. then hari raya and then. sec four! hmmm >.<

anyhow! today's class was fun hahaha. haven't i said how much i love my classmates. everyone was present today, so it was pretty kecoh here and there hahaha. the guys in front are so eeeviiil. well actually the two shitheads at the back also la. haha. so kesian.. like isolated =p

yesterday seemed pretty short, as in time went by pretty quickly. (as quoted from kaly's blog - time waits for no man) yeah very true. but hmmm. angklung was pretty alright. did the usual. lestari kaly and i sorted out the last column of the cupboards at the back.. woah the sense of satisfaction when it was all done. incredible, i tell you! haha. abg yaziz finally came for our dikir prac haha. he's so full of crap -____- learnt this new song which has got like so many different lenggoks here there everywhere. but it's a meaningful song, incorporating the metaphor of a girl as a flower and this certain kumbang that's going after her. or something like that.

late lunch afterwards was at BK. hurhur. $5.90 is really alot for a meal like that k. grrr. but hmm it was filling, nonetheless.. so much so that i couldn't finish my fries! hurhur. kesian someone ;)

ladida. let's see. there's about ten hours of today left. what shall i do? oh yeah re-edit SS. then 3rd draft of french.

but before that - SLEEEEEEP. good day! hahaha.

silap aku juga kerana jatuh cinta* 1944h. 110804.

finally got around to archiving the entries. i haven't been very strict with sticking to my archive-every-month plan huh? but then again i don't blog as frequently now as i did before, so yep.

furthermore i'm somewhat tired of having so much of negativities in my entries. i choose to have it all behind me, as a part of my bittersweet past.. afterall i'm in a relatively better mood now. no more zombie face, no more pessimisim, no more absurd rollercoaster or cubicgraph moods. and certainly no more tears each night. i'm glad. thank you Allah. and thank you friends who've always been there. you don't know how much i appreciate all the help, support and encouragement you guys have been giving me. i feel very loved (: merci beaucoup!

mwaha on a good note: ely won some teens mag contest thing. and it's all partly thanks to me cos i helped her send her postcard! lalalala >D is Duplex a good watch? someone tell me!

oh and one last thing. how come last days of holidays turn out to be the best for me? like during june, it was the best out of the other days cos dad brought all of us to Snowcity and i really had so much fun there and the whole day just brought many smiles to my face (and i didn't get mad at my siblings at all). and yesterday was the best, too! we went to johor (it was a spur of the moment thing). usually johor trips make me dizzy and sick (no offence intended) but somehow yesterday's made me feel good. lina and i had a haircut at JeanYip :) i like their service. makes me wanna boycott normal hairdressing salons (nyonya yankee shops, as my dad calls them :p) and save up to visit professional ones every three months or so instead. like really! very relaxing and you don't have to worry about what your hair turns out like >D heeheee. well i like mine, at least. different from the other short hairstyles i used to sport. mwahahah :) and em i think cutting my hair had something to do with uplifting my mood. cool huh.

oops i digressed. so anyway, back to last days of holidays. it's weird isn't it? but pretty good, because at least i'll go back to school feeling satisfied. yey(; Alhamdulillah, once again.

okay then. better get back to work. amazing race later ohyeayyy! go charla go charla go CHARLAAAAA :D

ps/ oh yes christian is such a mad guy. so amusing yet funnily annoying at the same time. "charming soul" indeed, eh christian? =P