mendayu irama takbir berlagu, penuh syahdu* 2055h. 041105.

Selamat Hari Raya my dearest Muslim sisters and brothers. Sepuluh jari kususun memohon ampun zahir dan batin. (Or, as Netty puts it, ask for forgiveness inside outside HAHAHA crazy!)

Yesterday was hmm, pretty good I guess, Alhamdulillah. White is THE colour. Hurhur. Pictures shall be up soon once my card is full. (Actually just making an excuse la, I think I'm just lazy that's all so. Too bad =p) We visited five houses, the most we've done for first days so far if my memory serves me right. Prayed at Ahmad Ibrahim Mosque where I saw Ain, then went to maternal gramps', followed by paternal gramps', my dad's aunt's, my mum's uncle's and Taffs'. (:

Reached home pretty late and guess what time I woke up this morning? 0620h. Wonderful please. That's 5 minutes beyond the usual time I leave home. Hurhur. PLUS today was the last day of school man. Applause for the genius that I am ;D But all was good anyway, because it was raining(which means latecomers don't get booked, hurrah!), and my dad was really nice and decided to give me a lift (: Berkat Syawal, I tell you.

So. Today, like I said, was the last day of school. Took many many pictures (but I should have taken more), cleaned up the class, listened to some overseas trips presentations (how come nobody presented on the HistLit one? Boo.), got high during the RockEmo band (I think Jeremy Ratnam and the other DJ/PP are way too cool - nice voices please. And OMG the lead singer of WGB! *drools*), was restless during Mrs Tan's address... and all that time, it didn't really hit me. That my 4 years in RGS are over. Even now it seems quite surreal, like it hasn't sunk in even. Hmm ):

Alright I shall go find something to do now. And please God, don't let me gain back all the weight I lost over the month. Kwakwa.

how could you just walk away from me* 2044h. 291005.

This happened just a few minutes ago, via SMS.

Nadz: Eh why did you call me so early this morning ah? Oh my or was there supposed to be school?
Me:-is confused- I called you meh?
Nadz:Oh sorry hahaha that was yesterday HAHAHA.
Me:@.@ AHHAHAHAHAHAHAH

Yay for Nadzy slengerness <: Hahah. Never mind Nadz I love you all the same (: I don't think I can thank you enough for yknow. Tolerating 16 years of me, especially these past few years. I'm sure having to see my face first thing in the morning every morning save Saturday, isn't exactly what anyone would call... pleasing. LOL.

I hope tomorrow's papers will be okay. I know I'm not putting in as much effort into studying for Madrasah exams as I want to ): Just so I can focus more on Malay. God, please be kind.

Hm I didn't get to drop by Angklung prac today ): I'm not even sure if I can attend the camp sigh. 2 days of school left, save Monday. 5 days left to Raya. THE YEAR'S ENDING SO SOOOOOON T_T

And some people still owe me my birthday presents. Not being materialistic or anything, but the last I checked, I'm sure promises are meant to be kept? Yeah.

la vie en rose* 1940h. 261005.

I hate periods to the max. Today was a pretty disappointing day because of what happened in the morning. Bah. I don't like having to miss Lailatul Qadr. Am really hoping I'll be clean by Monday. ):

I love my juniors though! They are such a lovely bunch. Yesterday after school they were playing games like Murderer, Contact and Pepsi Cola HAHAHAHA in the Malay Room. So fun watching, it was even funner being part of the game. I got bullied like mad though. Suddenly I'm known as Kak Lipas. Get it. Li(y)pas. (Malay for cockroach)

I think I should start bringing my cam to school to capture the memories. We have what, four official (even then, without proper lessons) days of school left? Aw man. I really don't wanna leave. T_T

But anyway. Should go do Malay now. Come on batchies, let's work hard and all get distinctions. InsyaAllah, we'll prove our worth to the Cikgus (:

kau pergi jua* 2259h. 191005.

Wajahmu
Seindah sedunia pelangi nan indah
Seharum mawar putih sedang berkembang
Wajahmu
Mengapa sering terbayang di mataku
Sehingga terbawa di dalam mimpiku

Sayangku
Tahukah kau di dalam hati ku ini
Tersimpan perasaan cinta yang suci
Kau pula
Ingin ku sunting mu menjadi milikku
Lantas ku abadikan dalam jiwaku

Sayangnya
Harapan yang selama ini ku bawa
Hancur berkecai musnah jua akhirnya
Semuanya bagaikan sebuah mimpi
Kau pergi jua
Setelah cinta ku kini membara
Belum sempat ku curahkan kasihku
Kau pergi tak kembali

*

Goodnight, world.

because i like the number seven* 2158h. 131005.

Seven things that (will) scare me:
1. My dad's (onceinawhile) anger
2. Losing mum/dad/loved ones.
3. Finding out I'm suffering from some weird health complication.
4. Transvestites, transsexuals and transfat. (LOL)
5. Really horrifying horror stories.
6. Really heart-cabuting thrill rides like the ones at Dreamland. Mwa ha ha.
7. Being on an airplane/coach that will crash/go over the cliff or something like that.

Seven things I like the most:
1. Striped stuff
2. Pointy heels
3. Cheesecake
4. Outings with my gurlies.
5. Heart2heart convos with my mum.
6. Late night chats with closest friends.
7. His jokes (which are otherwise lame attempts to be funny, hur hur)

Seven most important things in my room:
1. My laptop+internet connection. Regardless of how krepot the laptop is <:
2. My bed.
3. My toiletries (manymany bottles of deo/perfume, abundance of hair accessories etcetc.)
4. My Longman Dictionary of Contemporary English/ French School Dictionary & Grammar/ Kamus Dewan Edisi Ketiga!
5. My Quran & its tafsiran
6. My great big mirror
7. My clock!

Seven random facts about me:
1. I cannot stand it when people DRAG their feet when they walk. -covers ears-
2. I like to smile.
3. They say my laughter is my trademark.
4. I get high at the weirdest times. Like today, at tuition. Uhhh?
5. I have 5 moles on my face. I like the one just next to my right eye the most.
6. I am a sucker for Malay jiwang songs. Bring it on.
7. I'm the eldest child. And contrary to popular belief, I get pushed around more than I actually push around.

Seven things I plan to do before I die:
1. Become a Malay Studies lecturer.
2. Go for Haj.
3. Get married.
4. What's a marriage without kids? I want four.
5. Name one of my daughters Naima. HAHA.
6. Ask for forgiveness from everyone I've been in contact with since 26 July 1989.
7. See my children (and if possible, grandchildren) all grow up and get married.

Seven things I can do:
1. Touch type.
2. Make soft chocolate cookies.
3. Survive 3/4 of a day without food.
4. Make people happy! (:
5. Scream like Brittany did on ANTM. All together now, shutuuUUuupppPPPP.

6. Laugh my mistakes off.
7. Slack. Alot. Like now.

Seven things I can't do:
1. Lie, especially to my parents.
2. Watch horror movies without covering my eyes at some point.
3. Play the monkey bar. Go on, laugh at me xD
4. Have long hair. Eeh I'll just look bald.
5. Tolerate parasites. In both senses of the word.
6. Break promises.
7. Draw. Goodness, my art is dismal.

Seven words I say the most:
1. Okay
2. Serious?
3. What the heck!
4. Really..
5. Whatever
6. Like
7. Nak bedek siaper?

Seven celeb crushes:
1. Fauzie Laily Ramlaily!
2. Aide Iskandar. Because he smiled the most charming smile when I saw him that day (:
3. Naima Moraaaa <333 Wa ha.
4. Usher
5. Jennifer Lopez!
6. Once upon a long long long time ago, Norman Ishak.
7. Habriyah! That small girl on Krayon. SO CUTE LIKE ANYTHING. (but my adik cuter)

Seven people I'd love to see doing this:
1. Taffs
2. Ely
3. Kaly
4. Fanis
5. Narishka
6. Toffa
7. (:

held up so high on such a breakable thread* 1936h. 101005.

Sometimes, life just frustrates me. And I can't help but wonder why. Thank goodness my tolerance level now is a little higher since it's Ramadhan. But still. Subhanallah. Only God knows what I'm going through right now.

Ugh honestly? I can't even help myself. I've never felt more lost before.

Di firasat ku lihat wajahmu. Aku rindu.

lights, camera, now you're on* 1111h. 061005.

I am upset. Yes I'm upset and very very very very very very disappointed. Yes I put in effort. I guess I'm just not smart enough. Yes you're better than me but NOYOUDONTHAVETORUBITIN. Yes you have something against me. Stop looking at me with those you-didn't-try-hard-enough smirks and looks and whatelsehaveyou. STOPITALLOFYOU. Yes I'm upset although I'm trying to keep my composure. Yes girl you are going to dry your tears and cry no more. Nothing much tears can do now, is there.

Let tomorrow be good.

same script, different cast* 2138h. 021005.

French OLevel Orals tomorrow yechhhh God help me. I pray I get friendly/nice examiners who will excuse my very miserable French. Hahah, who am I kidding.

I've had lots to do this weekend. Am feeling rather accomplished, but I do wish I had alot more time to finish the Malay reading programme thing. I kinda entertained thoughts of skipping Madrasah today, but guilty conscience got the better of me.

I miss France/UK ): So much. Lately I've been having dreams and lapses which bring back the memories of either the airports, the places, or the hostels. Ahhh. I want to go back. I miss Mike, Andy, the serenity of everything. I still remember how me and Kaly were so weirdly happy when we found out the barber at the shop next to the hostel in Paris was Muslim! Ahh. I still can vision him sitting on his chair reading the newspaper in Arabic. Oh no, please don't get me started...

On a lighter note: Ramadhan's coming =) Alhamdulillah.

Some days I make it thru, and then there are nights that never end. These miss you nights, they're the longest.

I really don't know what's happening.

bila rindu ku sebut namamu* 0004h. 300905.

A quick entry before I call it a night.

Tonight was Anugerah finals!! Haha (: Fauzie was so cute, at first I was a little skeptical about his dyed hair but then emm. I guess the stylists are good? Lol. Anyway, I'm glad Khairul won. He deserved it, though he's not quite one of my favourites. I'm contented that neither Azmir nor Fauzie ended up 4th. (Then again, why would they, right?)

Aaaanyway. I still prefer Aqmal's voice. He's a cut above all these uhh youngsters. Okay so maybe Aqmal isn't as old as the previous winners but still! He's alot more mature, I think. Kind of helps that I know him personally. Anybody want his autograph? Lol. I still remember how fascinated I was at his rendition of Sambutlah Kasihku and Ghazal Buat Rabiah. Aaaaah <:

But Fauzie!! Hehehe. <333

I'd give my all to have just one more night with you
I'd risk my life to feel your body next to mine
Cos I can't go on, living in the memory of our song

Come back baby, please. ):

we all bleed the same way* 2137h. 260905.

Ku berikan emas, intan dan permata
bukan kaca, kilau tiada berharga
tetapi sayang kau terpukau, lupa segalanya
yang telah kita cipta selama ini

*

Well I guess that's it. Sigh.

No worries though. Today has been pretty good. What better way to spend Monday night than watching Fauzie on TV. And Naima on ANTM later. Ahh. Boleh terkedu seh dibuatnya. Hahahaa.-guffaws the way FL does- Man, his girlfriend must be one lucky girl. It doesn't matter if he's not gonna win la. What matters is the eye candy, no? Lol. Excuse my moment of infatuationSLASHbimbotism. Hurhurhur. -again, guffaws like FL-

i want to tell you so you know* 1903h. 250905.

What do you do
when the very people you care so much about
the ones you love to bits
and who rank so high on your Friends list,
don't try to be there for you
or to make you feel complete
and ultimately don't make you feel
special?

*

I want to cry, but what's the point. I'm just gonna wait (like I always do) and see what happens. Between you two, let's see who gets to the finish line first, yeah.

It's bad enough feeling like you're stuck on second gear all the time. It's even worse being treated like second class. )':

and now you're gone* 2001h. 220905.

Hello, new page. (:

Firstly: Happy birthday Huiyi/Shiwei! =)

Mum made me happy today. I felt so loved. Thanks mum, love you too. Very much. =)

Sigh. He's such a freak. FREAK. Do you have a problem with people kidding around with you? Sheesh. I mean, nobody puts their nick as I didn't mean to fall in love with you if it doesn't have anything to do with their personal lives right? So what if it comes from a song lyric? You put it there, it's got to have some sort of relevance right? I'm bloody annoyed. ERGH. #&@*)@*@(*#)

Anyway, today was fun. Had this really long break from 11.15 to 2. At first lazed around in the library reading a book, then decided to walk around looking for people to sit around with and then I met Ely love, and we went to join Kaly in a game of badminton! ;D Haven't played for ages man, it's quite hard to believe I was part of the school team just 3plus years ago hahaha. I bet if Coach saw me just now she'd be laughing her head off. <: Uhhuh.

I saw Hosrina at J8 today! Haha miss having her around at Angklung practices. (Don't even let me think of how much I miss Angklung itself.) OH yeah speaking of which, I met Bernice the other day. She's still as witty and as intellectual and as funny <; Just a little more girly! Haha.

Hmm well. Tomorrow's Friday. Time flies.