leaving on a jetplane* 1757h. 050605.

My heart's beating really, really fast. This is it man. SQ 334, leaving at 2335h. God bless all of us, I pray we have a safe journey there and back. Those at home, I'll miss you guys loads. The family, Mama and Papa especially, the gurlies (thank God I have Kaly with me!), the buddies (Amran please take care at NS). I'll be back soon enough [: Time does fly! Hahah.

All my bags are packed, I'm ready to go I'm standin' here outside your door I hate to wake you up to say Goodbye

[: Haha. Very, very ironic. But on a lighter note! I get to be served by Singapore girls. Wahahahahahahah.

Okay. Back to being emo. ARGGGGGGG. HOW CAN YOU DO THIS TO ME. SHEESH. Empty promises -_- As if I haven't gotten enough of them already. As if.

already i'm so lonesome i could die* 2140h. 010605.

It's the same routine each time. I wish I could tell you. I wish you knew.

Just please, come back?

IMUILU ):

because of you i am afraid* 2224h. 310505.

Rargh. I should really, really learn my lesson. What's the point of loving a man who doesn't love you first? -.-

Like my departure would mean anything. *throws pillows everywhere* What do you want? #&@)*)@)@(*#)(@)(@)@@&(@*@)(

Anyway. It's really depressing to be out shopping and yet limiting yourself to what to buy because for one there's a budget to adhere to. And number two, the stuff these days are either far too ex or are far too ugly. Where have all the good designers gone? Even the stuff at MNG don't look half as great anymore. Pffbt. So I went out and came home without making much difference to my wardrobe. It's still as pathetic as ever. Ergh.

I need money. Money money come to me. Haii. Uncle owes me at least 50 bucks so where is he? Grrrr.

I'm tired. Nyeh. Mm. Well I must admit, it feels pretty empty around here with brother at camp. Sigh. SEE. I DO LOVE YOU AFTERALL. Wahaha :> Okay. Must sleep now. It's funny how my head was rolling sideways and forwards and back on the bus and I was tryna stop myself from falling asleep. And now in the comfort of home I don't feel the least bit sleepy. Raaagh.

You still confuse me.

hope these pretty flowers chase her blues away* 2150h. 290505.

Hello! Hehh yesterday was one heck of a long, tiring day but it was all worth it. Most definitely =) Concert was a huge success and for that I'm happy and thankful. That's one big load off my chest man! Haha but anyway.

Thank you Kak Faridah, for being the best and most passionate and endearing. Even though you can't make up your mind at times and that drives all of us mad but who cares, you're always forgiven. Anytime =) Oh your chocolate cake turned out well. Still abit too buttery but can make it la! Lol.

Thank you Mrs Goh and Mr Azahar for putting in so much effort to help make the concert a success. Couldn't have done it without you two, especially with the backdrop hahaha Mr Azahar looked funny twirling the green leaves around the black pole. Er, nevermind.

Thank you Hosrina, for being such a great assistant and being so sporting and helping us with every single thing possible! You rock man. You deserve a treat hehehehe!

Thank you Kak Ratna Damayanti! Haha I still like your name =) Well you were great as an emcee! Thanks for calming me down everytime I got tense and yes thanks for watching out for the Orchestra.

Thank you Kak Kamie, Kak Ain and Kak Baba for coming over for pracs and helping with reception. =)

Thank you Narishka, for being such a great companion and vice. Kudos for braving the flu bug and still coming up with the best melodies everytime. Am sorry I haven't been the best to work with, but =)

Thank you fellow Kulintang players, Ani Nar Nurul Sarah and Anna, you guys have been great but must always keep in mind we have to tone down a little kay? Haha. Anna and Sarah you people are SO noisy but that's good. And bad =p Don't always stress so much la. Nurul keep being funky. I look like a totem pole next to you and your weird dances -.- Ani and Nar don't play to the ants or the mice or hahahaha the duster in Nar's kul. Wahahaha.

Thank you Angklungers all, for being such great members and so participative. Yey! I love you all. Sec 1s, you people have improved so much, good job darlings! Whatever it is Angklungers, the main focus and sound still comes from you guys and I hope the passion keeps on running even after concert. Am looking forward to greater music next year! =) Will definitely be there for yawl, Godwilling. Take my word for that.

Extra thanks goes to Habibah and Humairah, for the effort they put in with the Decor. I hope you guys get reimbursed for the money you put in, yeah? Also to Dian and Fads! My efficient ticketing people-in-charge. You guys rock la. Adik sorry if the work stressed you out heh but you did well dear! Love love.

And thanks Kak Atiqah, Kak Ain and Kak Shafia for coming to watch us =) Also to everyone who come, we appreciate your presence and participation. OMGSH and the other schools that came! MacPherson, STC and SAC you guys rock =) Thanks for playing with us. Hahahaha Eric is so funny hahahahahaha. But abit blur. >.<

Lalala. Today I'm going to do more shopping. Nyeh. Am leaving in exactly a week's time. Is sad ): Somehow. Haish. Alaaa and someone is probably still at camp. How? I want to go out la pandai. But anyway. Madagascar or Monster-in-Law? Hmm. Ahhhh. =)

I miss Angklung. SIGH! Haha. Nevermind it's still not too late. Romanza. Thanks for yesterday (:

just walk away* 2214h. 220505.

I'm sad. ): Nyeh. Today was pretty bleak. Was a little late for class but we all got dismissed after break. I should have just stayed at home dammit. But it's alright.

Yesterday's wedding performance was a little screwed up but the whole wedding setting was so <333 Although I would never wanna hold my wedding dinner at Fort Canning. Hehheh. The food was super yum! 9: I liked the dessert dish alot. We got to bring home bubble soap! Which came in these white bottles in different shapes! So cute.

Thanks Karlos for the Breakaway CD. I love love love it. You're right, all the songs are freaking wonderful. Will give you the Embun CD on Tuesday, yeah? (:

He's such a beautiful disaster. My heart can't possibly break when it wasn't whole to begin with. If I could hold on to the tears and the laughter. Because of you I learned to play on the safe side so I don't get hurt. That is just so you, coming back when I've finally moved on, I'm already gone. It's like I'm stuck. You're always there, you say you care. It's always me who's reaching out for your hand. Like a petal falling to the ground. I want a man by my side, not a boy who runs and hides.

Nyeh. My chest still hurts. I can't walk properly cos standing straight would just make it hurt more. Oucchhhh. I feel like an old woman please. Ergh.

Why's your love so cold? I don't understand |:

when you left i lost a part of me* 1927h. 180505.

Today was happening! Haha. SO many things to blog about but I'll probably run out of things to say. Like um now. Wahahah. -.-

Okay let's just say I've got the wackiest friends around. And the most slenger, if I might add. Heheh but nonetheless I appreciate the laughter and everything else, guys! (: You know who you are! Hahaha. *points to Toffa especially* Wahlauu that girl is so buruk hahahaha rolly polly oly! Eh Sab what was that Econs term again? Haha. Today at Social Sciences Day we were going around kope-ing sweets and then on the way out of the Econs room Toffa saw this whole plastic bag full of four different Fruitplus packets wahahahhaha parah. And then we were tryna navigate our blur selfs to the canteen and ended up going through so many exits and Toffa gave the slenger-est face when she found out the lift doors opened both ways. Slenger. For lack of a better word :D

Lalala. I get to do some shopping this week! Tomorrow, I hope. But by the time Angklung ends it'll be real late! Hmf. Never mind. Mum asked me to make a list first wahahah. Sure man. =)

American Idol and Eye For A Guy later. Whee. Oh, and I'm so glad Tom won Survivor! =)

i never found the words to say* 130505. 2142h.

Bad end to the week. I feel utter crap now. How come some get it so easy. I don't understand ): Ouch la. Heart pain k.

On a lighter note. I'm glad my people are all so enthusiastic and full of zest to make our concert a success. So come watch us! Heh. Or hear, rather. I <3 Rindu Lukisan. Especially the Coda. (Okay. The Kul players must have heard me saying that so many times already. Noo especially, hehh.)

Crap. Crap crap crap arghhhhhhhhh.

He doesn't deserve my care and concern and everything else but why'm I still clinging on? Sometimes I feel so stupid for making myself suffer and go through so much when it's apparent he doesn't care as much. Or maybe I'm being paranoid. And it's so true how they say girls are emotional and they're the ones who'll be affected more. Just this week I think two teachers talked about that. Nyeh.

Sorry this entry's all disjointed and don't link in any way. I feel so screwed up and inadequate and ergh my self esteem is all the way down there right now and that's probably the reason why I've been under the weather these days. Nothing's helping. Not even my attempts to cheer up by indulging in food. My siblings are giving me hell. My parents are well, being parents and my mum just doesn't understand how I need space when I'm in a bad mood and then she'll get me all worked up arghhhh and she'll scold me for being rude. SHUTUPNLEAVEMEALONEEEEE go away. Shoo. So, so imperfect. Talk about stooping so low man.

Ohwell. 3 birthdays this week. Fanis and Imran on the 11th. Nabil's tomorrow. Happy birthday people!

Okay. Off to watch Survivor.

make a wish and break away* 1508h. 080505.

BAH HUMBUG. Fine. Deprive me some more. I'm going to SHOW you how much good it does me.

How come THEY get all they want all their way all the time and I don't get bloody anything and you still dare say I have to sacrifice for them. All you're out to do is make my life a stupid misery isn't it. Fine. Continue.

I take back my words on missing home when I'm away in France/UK for two weeks. Now it's the exact opposite. I can't wait to leave. Can't wait to be alone in the company of friends. Oh, it must be bliss to be away for so long. No siblings to put up with. No parents to please. Thank you. For doing this to me. And for showing me how MUCH I matter.

At least I let you know and ASK for permission. Can't you be the least bit thankful and consent?

This sucks. You don't even TRY to be fair.

I knew the day was going to be bad the minute Lina pissed me off and I left for Madrasah in the worst mood ever. In this household, I'm the one with the saddest life. Those rugrats have each other as playmates and they can play their assess off every single day without giving a hoot or two about exams or anything like that. The parents have each other to talk to and they can do anything they want here since nobody can tell them what to do and what not to, anyway. Me? I have no one.

je me suis* 2100h. 060505.

Wooyeah the week that I thought would never end is finally ending hahaha. After this it'll be three weeks left of the school term and then! (: A whole long month of holiday hahaha.

It feels really weird to be sitting around doing nothing. Haha. But who cares. Not for now anyway.

I am so bored! And I wanna go out! Shop! Movie! Nyehhhhh- I think tomorrow I'll drop by the library or something. Wanna read a book it's been pretty long since the last time I read. How sad. And I wanna get a haircut although my hair isn't very long yet. I just feel like giving it some justice wahahah.

Will someone please entertain me? Haaaaaaah. No good shows on TV either. Bahhh. ): None of the people I wanna talk to are online also. This is pathetic. Really pathetic.

Ooh tomorrow's gonna be a looooooong day. Anyone wanna go out after that? =p I feel like making a trip to the Esplanade. Gurlies, what say you?

because i'm a bad girl* 0859h. 020505.

Taken from Narishka =)

THREE NAMES YOU'RE CALLED BY
1) Liyana
2) Liy
3) Loser

THREE SCREEN NAMES YOU HAVE HAD
1) dyakrptexx
2) liy `267
3) rainbO./

THREE THINGS YOU LIKE ABOUT YOURSELF
1) Eyes
2) My being able to laugh my mistakes off.
3) My strength. Both physically and not.

THREE THINGS YOU HATE ABOUT YOURSELF
1) My tendency to procrascinate. LIKE NOW.
2) My inability to get along with my siblings sometimes. Or in the case of my brother, most of the time. >.<
3) The fact that I sometimes keep grudges which I can't get rid of.

THREE THINGS YOU WISH YOU HAD RIGHT NOW
1) Sleep!
2) A lot more intellect.
3) Can I be materialistic here? If so. THOSE PUMA SNEAKERS.!!

THREE PARTS OF MY HERITAGE
1) Javanese
2) Baweanese
3) Er...

THREE THINGS THAT SCARE YOU
1) God.
2) Death.
3) Realising someone's importance only when he's gone. Or she, for that matter.

THREE OF YOUR EVERYDAY ESSENTIALS
1) Food. Biscuits, rather! =p
2) Computer. Nyehh not good, not good.
3) Math. Hahahahahah.

THREE THINGS YOU'RE WEARING RIGHT NOW
1) My old, senget (slanted) maroon specs
2) Blue Sec1 Orientation shirt. Ehhhh I like it okay. No matter how spastic the R in front is xP
3) My old pair of track pants. Old because the pockets are torn. And the buckles are gone. (Wow, I so can be a poet!)

THREE OF YOUR FAVOURITE SONGS/ARTISTS AT PRESENT
1) Pada Syurga Di Wajahmu /Nash
2) Tak Mungkin Berpaling /Slam
3) Usher

THREE NEW THINGS YOU WANT TO TRY IN THE NEXT 12 MONTHS
1) Second ear piercings!
2) Silat? But aiyaa no time ):
3) Canoeing! I wanna do it again. And again and again.

THREE THINGS YOU WANT IN A RELATIONSHIP -- LOVE IS A GIVEN
1) True friendship
2) Respect
3) Understanding

TWO TRUTHS AND A LIE
1) I really love watching soccer.
2) I really have better things to do than sit on the couch watching the tube show me 22 guys running after a ball. Wahoo.
3) I really want to turn back time.

THREE THINGS ABOUT THE OPPOSITE SEX THAT APPEAL TO YOU
1) Good humour. And if I might add, comes naturally.
2) Charm
3) Ehh. Hair =p

THREE THINGS ABOUT THE SAME SEX THAT APPEAL TO YOU
1) The closeness. Or sisterly bond.
2) Being able to shout and go mad at each other and at the end of the day are still the best of friends?
3) Legs! Wahahahahaha.

THREE THINGS YOU JUST CAN'T DO
1) Tolerate my brother. *Spats*
2) Run 2.4km in 10minutes flat.
3) Roll my tongue hahaha can you can you?

THREE OF YOUR FAVOURITE HOBBIES
1) Surfing the net.
2) Shopping. Though most of the time there's a window- in front of the shopping. Nyehhh I WNA BE RICH!
3) Watching good shows on TV. Right now that would be AMI even though they took my Anwar Robinson away. And oh, tearjerkers like Dalam Hati Ada Cinta which! Suria didn't show yesterday and I wasted my time staying up just to watch it. Bahh. ):

THREE THINGS YOU WANT TO DO REALLY BADLY RIGHT NOW
1) Go out. Like out. Shopping or something I mean COME ON IT'S A PUBLIC HOLIDAY but too bad. Piles of notes are outside waiting for me. Which means I better hurry with this.
2) Watch a movie. It's been donkey years since the last time I stepped into a cinema. And if I'm not wrong, it was for Hotel Rwanda? Yeah I'm that sad.
3) SMS someone. Or call, for that matter dammit I just want to talk. Need. To. Talk.

THREE CAREERS YOU'RE CONSIDERING
1) Malay Studies Lecturer
2) Psychologist
3) Pediatrician? But that was long ago. My sciences kinda suck ya see. So, nevermind.

THREE PLACES YOU WANT TO GO ON VACATION
1) Dubai. Or elsewhere in the Middle East.
2) New Zealand
3) Turkey!

THREE THINGS YOU WANT TO DO BEFORE YOU DIE
1) Prepare for akhirat. That means to say I wna do all the good things I can. Like provide for my parents when I'm earning money myself! (:
2) Be what I wanna be and make the people around me proud for who I am.
3) Find eternal bliss with the man who'll love me for who I am. And em, have kids? Kwakwa =p

*

Yaaa that's done now I better go do work hahaha.

tak mungkin berpaling /slam* 0814h. 010504.

Tidak mungkin ku berpaling lagi Salah sangka yang dibencanakan Gelora melanda adalah dendammu Setelah diriku tak mampu menjadi milikmu Cukup sudah hati berdarah Usah ditambah cerita yang sudah Di mana kekasihmu yang pernah kau sanjungi Mengapa pula padaku menjadi pelepas ceritamu Dan jua sepimu Usah menabur budi mengharapkan simpati Sedangkan kau meniti cemburu iri hati Tak mungkin ku berpaling padamu yang meracuni Rimbunan kasihku Sehingga berguguran kelopak cinta kita Kerana mu Tak lagi mengerti hatiku Usah menabur budi mengharapkan simpati Sedangkan kau meniti cemburu iri hati Teringat keguguran kelopak cinta kita Kerana fitnahmu Walau segunung sesalmu tak mungkin ku kembali Cukuplah sekali Kejelekanmu menggamit pilu Tidak mungkin ku maafkan lagi Salah sangka yang dibencanakan Gelora melanda adalah dendammu Setelah diriku tak mampu menjadi milikmu Sepenuhnya

*

Hais. I just realised how much that song actually means. Someone must've felt really sad and disappointed and all omgsh. Liyana you are one stupid stupid girl. GRRRRR NOW I FEEL SO BAD. AND SO GUILTY AND URGGHHHHHH I WNA TURN BACK TIME I WISH I DIDN'T HAVE TO PUT MYSELF THROUGH THIS MESS. Oh goodness. And I can't believe it's all thanks to some egoistic freak. Who's not worth the time. And the loss. Arrrrrrr-

No point pondering about it anymore anyway. Stop listening to such songs Liy and get back to work.

Eurghhh I still cannot get over it. It's all my fault isn't it. Noone to blame for this but myself. ))))))): It's no wonder he doesn't care anymore. LOOK AT THE SONG AND WHAT IT SAYS. Raaaaah.

[edit] Gah I'm so annoyed grrrrr! Home really isn't the best place to study man I've been tryna tolerate this from the beginning aurghh it just gets worse but really where else can I go? I feel like screaming and pulling my hair out and throwing pillows everywhere and then having a good, hearty, stress-relieving laugh after that. So what if I'd appear retarded. I JUST WANT MY SANITY BACK and this influx of everything bad isn't helping. At. All. Ya think? Bad day. Baaaaaad bad day. T_T [/edit]