comme quelqu'un qui n'a plus personne* 2308h. 310105.

Last entry for the month. I think January's been pretty kind to me. Am praying that'll be the way for the rest of the year. Hopefully.

Like someone who doesn't have anyone anymore. Man it sucks not to be able to talk to the ones you wanna talk to the most. But I suppose if that's how things are going, there's nothing much I can do is there? I tried. And I didn't come out successful. No point in further trying.

Blessings (Taufik's album) is full of sappy songs. Which I like, cos they're so "me", but I think I've had enough. I don't like getting reminded of the past. And that's what the album does to me. Especially One Last and All the Love. Bahh.

I don't know what to say anymore. Silence is worse when you know it won't be broken.

I've always liked Februarys. God, please let this one be good.

walk alone* 2208h. 260105.

January's coming to an end! O: Wahaha. I shouldn't sound so surprised.

Things have been going pretty well these few days. InsyaAllah this will last [: Dumdeedee. Is the whole of F4A taking the DELF? Is there a fee we're supposed to pay? Hmm.

I miss Nurul! And Kaly and Ely and Dynna and alot of other people!

Such a random entry. We haven't had that for ages have we.

And I wish my photographic skills were better. Shall keep on trying, hurhur.

I suddenly don't feel like carrying on with The Book With Stripes. For one, it's rather time consuming. Then again, not really, considering I still have about 6 weeks to go. Maybe in actual fact I'm just questioning whether or not it's deserving of my sincerity and effort. Well, looking at how things are now, definitely not. But since I'm such a kindred soul. I shall just carry on... even if at the end, it's taken for granted.

Hmmf I can't believe I'm still like this. Even after what's happened. Well.

OKAYY NOBODY UNDERSTANDS WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT HOHO.

But wasn't that my very purpose.

Tennis tomorrow! Am praying I get to ball better. And stop driving Kiat/Janna/Nadiah up the wall. And yeyy tomorrow's rather slack.

shall we dance, mr clark? *1846h. 220105.

Hello everyone, for the second time today. Wah. Haven't been doing that for a long long time man. Blogging more than once a day, I mean. Ohwell.

ShallWeDance was really really really good! Everyone go watch! Yes yes must must. I wna watch agaiiiiiin homigoodness (((: Ladida.

And Nur'Aini Sidik if you ever get to read this. I got reminded of what you told me over lunch and do you know. That if I hadn't been so nice I could've chucked you into the bin which was so conveniently next to us? Do you know? Wah my heart pain sia. *clutches chest* Damn pain! Hahahah.

Well don't look so confused my darlings, and let me enlighten you. This Aini, her sister's friend apparently received a call telling her she won two tickets to Taufik's signing party which takes place today. Took place, rather. And this friend of this sister, couldn't make it so she got this sister to pass to her sister. Who so assumed that her friend, ie Nur Liyana Mohamed Sinwan, was going to be busy in school shaking bamboo. Or rather, hitting wood. And so she nicely declined the ONCEINAFREAKINLLIFETIME offer of two free tickets to get to see Taufik Batisah. Like. There. In. Front. Of. You. Signing. Cd. After Cd. RAWRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR-

THEREFORE. IN SHORT. WE COULD HAVE BEEN JOYFULLY AT SINGAPORE POLY ADMIRING TAUFIK HEAD TO TOE. Instead of sitting in a red red cinema in Bishan, watching a feel-good movie. AUGHHHHH#&)@#*)@*@$&)*#@)*)#*@*)@*_@(_@(_@*)@)* AINIIIIIII. T_T

Wahaha okay fine sorry. I promised not to think about it anymore x) The movie was worth my 8.50 anyway. (: So shush and don't tell me how the movie would still be showing in a few weeks. Or that meeting Taufik is a damn rare opportunity.

I'm still sad but it's really funny don't you think? That's why I just squealed, screamed and laughed out real loud. Hoho. But I still love Aini anyway. The girl just assumes too much man. Self-proclaimed, you know. Wahahaha. And wahpiang look at her now, she's lost so much weight, is that what JC does to you? Wahahh.

Okay that's enough rambling for today. Jennifer Lopez is freaking hot please. Oh, and does anyone have a picture of Richard Gere when he was alot younger? I bet he was like, Brad Pitt material man. And I suddenly have the urge to take up ballroom dancing. I wonder why! Haahah. Not funny -.-

i wasn't kissing him, i was telling his lips a secret* 1103h. 220105.

I have a date with Aini today! (: Sister outing, more like. Hahah we're gna watch ShallWeDance yeay. It'd better be good man. Then again, all the movies I watch are. Either I have the best taste, or I'm just too lenient. Hoho xP

Yesterday was major pig out day man. Then again that's what happens on all Raya occasions, so no big surprise. Gramp's rendang is love! :9 And I like Aunt Tini's cookies and durian fudge cake. How classic!

Mum left home without giving me $. Howhowhow am I supposedta watch a WEEKEND movie and have a good meal without the buckeroos! ): I wish I was filthy rich. Wahaha, nah I'm just kidding.

Oh do you know. I felt like doing a good deed on Thursday night so I baked my ever-so-famous cookies. Or tried to. But I couldn't and almost got my oven exploded. And you know why? Stupid me mixed ICING SUGAR up for FLOUR. How dumb is that la. I got so pissed with myself, with my mum, with the whole kitchen I just scooped the whole chocolatey goo out of the big bowl, threw it down the rubbish chute, angrily washed my hands abit too harshly, and locked myself up in the room the entire night. (And in such angst, I announced to the whole family that I wasn't gna bake anymore, ever. Now now, obviously I'm not gonna keep to my words HAHAHHA don't I just suck -.-)

I'm going to tell you something really subverse. Love is everything it's cracked up to be. That's why people are so cynical about it. it really is worth fighting for, being brave for, and risking everything for. And if you don't risk everything, you risk even more.

That was uh, a quote bytheway. Nice (: And hmm I'd better get dressed now. I'm craving for Mac's Beef Prosperity meal. Though I think I should give the fries a pass. The video we watched during History really turned me off. Wahaha. (We'll see how long I last xP)

Ohyeaaa. Happy Birthday Kiat Yeeeee <333 Wahhaha. You'll get your big big big birthday present from all of us on Monday hehe. Meanwhile please takecare! We all love you ((:

and i wish on a star* 1031h. 160105.

I must really, really thank the Lions. For winning the Tiger Cup once again, for bringing so much joy to my dull and busy Sunday night, for spicing up my soccer-less life, for igniting my interest in soccer (especially the local scene), for accompanying me while I was struggling with work. And for ending the tres horrible week on such a good note.

And you know what. When Captain Aide held up the Cup, Aisyah passed a really funny comment. "Eh, like Taufik! His brother eh, kak?" I really couldn't control my laughter. Like how hilarious can a 5yrold be please! And dad was playing along and said something like, "Ya, ya. His brother. They look so alike." Hurhurhurhur.

I'm filled with great joy. I finally finished what I set out to do. Except of cos there's still alot of Lit Review for RS to be done. But nonetheless.! All the nitty gritty schoolwork done. Wahahah. Does this mean next week is gonna be a good one?

Oh yeah man I bet it will be. Shall We Dance? will be out on the 20th. And when I save up enough money I can go back to the pretty pretty stationery shop at Citylink to collect the reserved notebook. I'm in love with it. Even more in love with what I plan to do with it. Kekekeke. (And Aini HAD to add that I'm also in love with what I'm going to do with it after I'm done). Hur. Did that make sense? Of cos it didn't. You don't know what secret agenda I have! *rubs hands in glee*

How many times have I said that life's a rollercoaster? Wahaha. I think it's about time I look for another verb. Or is it adjective? Forget it. Goodnight all. <3

silver foil* 2248h. 120105.

Screw everything.

you are the only one, my everything* 110105. 0914h.

Yesterday was horrible. Really horrible. Robs and I really looked like two sick and lost schoolgirls. Ergh I'm too tired to even comment on what happened. Thank God though, for the solace we found in the Iced Mocha from Westmall's Coffee Bean & Tea Leaf. So heavenly. Or maybe we were just delirious and deprived. And dead. Today Robs isn't in school cos of the sore eyes she got yesterday. Take care please.

We're having Bio now at the Raffles Room. I like the teacher she's really nice and motherly, too bad she won't be permanent. Hmm. I feel a tad too zombified today. And today's gonna be another sucky day. Thanks to 3sci and 1 Math. Stupid timetable but whatever.

Life's a bitch. I wanna go home and sleep. And wake up to find that a miracle happened and everything's fine again. Just like it all used to be.

you make me wanna* 2042h. 070105.

First week of school's over. Was alright, really. I'm gonna miss my tablemates ): We're gonna be seated at our new places come Monday. But hmm it's alright. I'll get used to not having Kiat near me, not having Nadiah to crap with, wahahah. I still have Janna though [: And next to me is Shiwei. Who's next to Huiyiiiii :D :D Not that bad afterall ehh!

I've decided to carry on with French afterall, kudos to Kak Art! Whee love her. Speaking of which I MISS SENIORS LAA T__T Sigh nevermind.

Damn I forgot what I wanted to say.

I really like Destiny's Child yaknow. I aspire to be like them. Wahaha like real. Dream on, Liyana. Tskk xP And I love their songs! Well mostly, at least. Like Soldier and Lose My Breath, in the case of the newer ones.

Gonna follow Kak Freda to Arab St tomorrow after prac to get kompangs! Yeayy. Need one more person to come along with us though. Mwahaha. And after tomorrow is Sunday! Yeyy get to meet Aini Aisha and everyone else again (: Sad thing is that it's gonna be our last year together. Shit la how am I supposed to cope. One departure's bad enough pleeease )':

I really really really really really really really really really times20381028102810829210929 want to go on the History fieldtrip to France/UK. Okay who doesn't? Arhhhhh. And it's really unfair that they made it a Hist-Lit thing so those taking both get priority. djskjaojnsdksjo! How really unfair but I guess it's better than nothing at all. But I don't care. The point is. I aim to be one of the 40 History students going. Please let me! *insert big fat grin*

My nougat supply at home is slowly but surely depleting! *insert exasperated sigh* The raisin chocolates are gone already! *insert bigger sigh* Waaaa. I'm left with a few pieces of cappucino and apricot nougats as well as a box of macademia nut chocolates. Waaa. I wanna go back to Australia I wanna buy more nougats I wanna comb every street I wanna grab every pretty 10aud pencilcase I wanna splurge on gorgeous wallets so everyone back home can have one and we'll all be happy! Auughhh.

Nevermind I'll go there again someday. I wanna go Turkey too!

Then again why am I saying all this. I feel really blessed that I'm still here, still the stubborn old Liy who sits infront of the com almost every night, still having my friends around me.. and most importantly still living, as a Muslim, as God's creation. I really wonder how the Tsunami survivors are doing. God please please bless them and keep them safe, away from other hazards.

I feel so disgustingly lazy. Wake up Liy. (wahaha that rhymes!) Okay shutup. *slaps self*

words to lead by* 1958h. 030105.

Was looking through the folder they gave us during Leadership Camp, and I found this. It's really really motivational. This goes to all of you out there, because everyone's a leader; maybe not so much a leader for others, but really a leader for yourself. Take time to take this in (:

Looking for leadership? Look in the mirror. A leader is a dealer in hope. Vision is the art of seeing things invisible. Where there is no vision, the people perish. Study the past, live the moment, plan the future. Leadership is action, not position. There are no shortcuts to any place worth going. Don't wait for your ship to come in, swim out to meet it. Most things are difficult before they are easy. Act like you're invincible, know that you're not. Fail to honour people, and they will fail to honour you. Blame softly, praise loudly. The more you say, the less they remember. Be grateful for luck, don't bet on it. It's not what happens when you're there. It's what happens when you're not. Think with your heart. Authority is a poor substitute for leadership. Hold everyone including yourself to high standards. Listen and lead. Remember there's always room at the top, but even more room at the bottom. Seek out people better than you, braver than you, different from you. The time's always right to do what is right. Keep your promises, keep your confidence, keep your temper. Be out and about. Enjoy the process but crave the goal. We'll either find a way or make one. Be not afraid of greatness. Real leaders are ordinary people with extraordinary determinations.

*

God bless us all.

what you mean to me* 1157h. 010105.

In the year 2005 I resolve to: Stop making silly resolutions. Get your resolution here

Feels weird to be typing 05 instead of 04 but yeah. Happy new year, everyone. May we all be blessed with a good and fruitful 12months ahead. Fasten your seatbelts guys cos it's gonna be another swingy rollercoaster ride. Fuhh.

I should have done this yesterday, but nonetheless. Here are the recollections from 2004. Okay maybe not so much recollections, but really just shoutouts to the special people in my life, and who helped me pull through last year. (Now that sounds weird, too)

305'04:
making friends, changing seats every two weeks, complaining, laughing, arguments, fretting, OBS, livingstone, boon, class bookings, toffa, sab, chuwen, beifen, nadiah, noddy, kiat, janna, sourdeeflappers, tshirt design, winning netball carn, cliques, disagreements, making up; May 2005 bring us all much closer as well as strengthen the bond we've created since day1. Love you guys to bits and pieces of sweetness (:

Drama04- PutihMerah:
gayish old man, white hair, truckloads of powder, the ride home, smses, pictures, jokes, laughter, chips, smelly sofas, dances, directors, crew, love; Enjoyed working with allll of you and may Drama05 be as succesful. Much love, hugs and kisses <3

Firdaus:
up and down round and round, dear, smses, smiles, tables, Lovehunters' SambutlahKasihku, Firehouse's ILiveMyLifeForYou, malutaaak, msian mat hair, jiwangness, clowning, Macs, BK, Tampines, laughter, red shirt, red box, bahas, cookies, SClub's NeverHadADreamComeTrue, happy, short meetings, stripey Urban bag, harrypotterbus, Youth Park, pictures, mistakes, regret, disappearing, reappearing, making up, Air Supply's Goodbye, promises made, promises broken, crying, losing, letting go; This year was good at the start and then it became weird, strange, unpleasant. We both did the other wrong and for that, we're both to blame. I started it all yet I was the one to end it, for at that point of time things got too complicated and I just couldn't bear to carry on. I was stupid, I know. Thanks though, for the memories and for what's worth, I'm sorry. All the best for what's awaiting you this year alright. Study hard bro. The past 10 or so years have been great with you as a friend, insyaAllah we'll stay friends till the end ya? Muchlove (:

Ely:
My bestie, the one who understands what I need to say even before I say it (hoho, did that make sense?), the one who's always been there with me and for me, the smart one who says she hates Math but passed it anyway *insert punch*, the one I love. Truckloads of thanks Ely, for all that you've done and may our friendship blossom, Godwilling, till the end. (Kirakan macam till death do us part gitulaa, haha). Lovelooove* [:

Robs:
Yeah, 2004 has indeed been rough and dead unpleasant for both of us but hey we managed to survive. Sorry darl, for the misunderstandings, the bitching, arguments; but at the same time, thanks for being the good friend I've always had and hopefully, will continue to have for as long as God wills (: Let's aim to have lesser emofied entries this year alright? Wahaha. You're one strong girl Robiah, we all know that, so don't let the sun go down on you please darling. Study hard okays, and let's all work our asses off for RS. Heehee. And ofcourse I love you much dear. hugsmuacks-

Nurul:
Noofaaaart! My lil sis. Hehee. Someone's getting pro-er on the PK by day ehh? Well 2004 was undeniably rough for you right darl? But all the more I'm glad that you managed to stay the strong Nurul I've always known, and pulled through the darkest times. I believe you've emerged a more mature and experienced, stronger Nootin Madman. Thanks for always keeping us entertained with the corniness, the mad dances, the dirty yet wacky jokes and all that; you rock to the core and I love you alotalotaloooot (: All the best for what's to come this year alrighty Nurul. We'll always be here for you. Friends till the end k!

Farhanis:
Faaaarns I know I made you sad/angry/disappointed so many times in 2004 but still I'm glad we've managed to stay close friends. Stop being a mawar berduri okayy, stay loyal to the guy who gave you that pretty pretty necklace! We all know who he is la huhhh. Anw, here's to another year of funky friendship! And to more jimhatamatibulatness. Heehe. Kiter sayaaaang awak :D

Nar:
Hello youu who's always caught up in Zlatan galore! Wahaha. Thanks so much for all the advice and sense you've knocked into me. You're one of the reasons why and how I managed to survive 2004, really really. AND Nar you're one heckuva rocking vice pres ILOVEYOUTOTHECOREEEE [: God bless us and our lovely Orchestra. Haahah.

Kaly:
HIIII FUTURESINGAPOREIDOL! :D You're stillll as mysterious as ever lahh woman so your resolution for this year should be to open up MORE. Hahah. Okay, I'm kidding. This year was one weird one for you too right? But hey thanks for always standing by me, for coming up with the wackiest yet truest replies whenever I have a lineup of questions hehe. Keep singing okayyy! ((: Me loves youuu!

Mazlan:
the (greatest) distance, BK, 3hourslate, august, long train rides, fake adidas, companion, confidante, cheemfied malay words, big soft cookies, long walks, sayang, lepakbawahblok, mat&minah tempe, 13goingon30, essays, lalalalalala means iloveyou, 93, head, scent, yam bubble tea, Bishan, dikir, hairband, kendatipun!, leotard, rain, thirtydots, escalators, rojak uncle, social studies, spasticated mannerisms, together, 7eleven, icecream, running away, karate, j8, Macs, gym, stadium, MoreThanWords, library, studying, chocolate stains, asplak!, foodcourts, ice kachang, sakura, fareast, orange, math assignment, graphs, stretching x, loveyous, fried wanton, baby, anything for you, boo, hotplate, prawns, everyday calls, smses, getting suaned, dreams, bio, french, muscles, teasing, to die for, sleeping on the phone, shoes, complaining, poking, punching, hands, fingers, shoes, sharing, sweater, bag, waist, bustop, mrt, senget specs, hair, people-watching, veins, tight shirts, nutmeg, ntuc, (sepet) eyes, busrides, spasticated laugh aahahaha, teacher, smiles, stories, laughter, grins, tapereds, broad shoulders, pretending to merajuk, first and last, tears, questions, losing, learning to let go, trying to move on; All I can say is, thanks for the period of time we shared together. The memories were, are and will always be unforgettable but I guess it's best we leave them as they are. I'll always have that soft spot for you in my heart, and no ofcourse I don't hate you; why would I? You taught me alot. About love, about life.. and your strength and how you deal with the problems and crises in life really amazes me. Study hard this year alright? May Allah grant you all the blessings you deserve. Stay strong cos I know you're one tough guy. And cook for me! Haha. (:

*

Ladida. I shan't cry. Happy new year all, once again. I'm kinda scared actually. Of what's awaiting but I guess I'll stay positive. Afterall I do have these people with me. *points to the names above*

And Ryan Cabrera's True is a good song! Hehh.