I'm currently slogging through the Lord of the Rings trilogy, which bored me silly as a kid, so I never finished 'em. I want to commend the screenwriters for vastly improving on Tolkien's dialogue; they managed to stay true to the general concept while making it much less ridiculous. Sweetie and I were talking about it, and I read some random passage from the Two Towers to make a point. Sweetie agrees--even in imaginary lands, people just don't--or shouldn't--talk like that. Apologies to hardcore JRR fans; I'm sure I'll be getting some angry messages. I still think I'm right.

01.09.02

If you've never seen Christopher Walken dance, then baby, you ain't seen nothin. His Fatboy Slim video is remarkable, and I just discovered a tap sequence in Pennies From Heaven, an otherwise unentertainingly weird film. How many Christopher Walkens can dance on the head of a pin? He's amazing.

01.09.02

As I was trudging up the hill from the library, I noticed several oddly accessorized people: A neatly-dressed man with a mysterious black bag and a most extravagant ceegar. A tiny, elderly woman with an Hermes head scarf and a cane featuring a jumbo-sized brass mermaid handle. A man in a business suit, with a brown and green featherduster in his back pocket. The duster got me wondering about the old gayboy language of Things in Pockets. I decided rather quickly that I didn't want to think about the possible symbolism.

I discovered last week that my favorite magazine is having publishing issues, and that they need lots of subscribers. So you should visit Bust and order a subscription and send me one of their lovely cards.

01.08.02

Glory day. I had no idea that my semi-beloved ether-snorting cue ball was still writing sports. I now have one reason to check in with espn.com, at least on Mondays. Even if you care nothing for ball, skip down towards the end and read about bigots and chickens and the fear. His latest book may be found here.

01.07.02

Here's another short list of books-I realized that out of the titles I pulled for my favorite 10, five of them had to do with eating. So here's my favorite books about food. Even if you eat out all the time, perhaps especially if you eat out all the time, you should try and read them. Think of all the time you saved not having to read the five I hated.

In the last few months, I've reviewed a small pile of various diet and health books, and it's remarkable how they all say versions of exactly the same thing: eat less fat and sugar, more vegetables. Some say add a few whole grains, some say meat, and that seems to be the single difference that an enormous industry has built itself around. How can a zillion-dollar industry be built on that foundation? Am I missing something?

01.03.01

I regularly have absurd dreams featuring professional wrestlers. The lastest starred Stone Cold Steve Austin, who I was convincing to include PSAs for recycling in his segments. He drinks a lot of "steveweiser" beer, and has an amazing one-handed catch.

The list of the five or ten best books I read in 01 will follow later; I thought to start with the five worst, so you all can feel pleased that you didn't waste time reading them. The circus book has the first mean customer review I've posted to amazon, and wouldn't you know it--I've had many personally-addressed emails thanking me for it. These are in no particular order. Note that they all seem to have colons in the title. Perhaps there is a book-purchasing tip there.

01.02.02

Finally found a non-sold-out show for Lord of the Rings. Much enjoyment. Things I liked (so don't read this if you haven't seen it)were: Frodo suggesting he'd "put the ring away" when he first heard about the whole power thing. Under the bed in a box is an excellent place for indisputable power. I laughed and laughed. Sweetie and I marked out entirely for the badass orc dude in the fight with Strider who, when he had a sword driven into his belly, pulled himself closer to Strider by jamming the sword in deeper. Now that's a badass. My other favorite occured after the show, when Sweetie and Sweetie's Friend were complaining about elves by saying "ohhhh, I'm an elffff" in whiny falsetto voices.

The follow up books in the series have lots and lots of holds on them through the library system. Nice to see. Wonder if it's kids or cheap geeks. Wonder who gets the bucks from tolkein's estate these days?

My new favorite candy is the Cadbury Wunderbar. You may purchase them for me here.

01.01.02

Ahh. While the food has been great this holiday season, and I love my presents, I'm glad it's over.

Things of note in the last ten days:
• I spent five hours scrubbing wallpaper glue off walls. Never again.
• I read a total of 374 books in 2001. Thanks to brothermine for the suggestion of keeping track. I saved the little receipts the library hands out, so there may be a few more that didn't come from the library that I've forgotten to record. I may put up a 10-best list at some point. Save you all the trouble of trying to catch up.
• Jumping beans are just as cool as when I was a kid. I love jumping beans.
• A couple days ago, I was looking through Sweetie's mother's Whitehouse Cookbook from 1905. It has a health section. From what we can tell, I stumbled across a recipe for homemade abortion pills, called "hunter's pills". The notes said this recipe was worth the price of the book alone, and it was completely reliable for women in need of regulation, but didn't actually say what it did. I can't find anything about the name or the ingredients--scot's aloe and seran or serin--online. Anyone? The dosage was two pills per day until desired affect had been achieved. I wonder what the current whitehouse would have to say about this, if our guess is correct?
• Cordials made at home have it all over commerical ones, and they're easy to make. Less sweet, fabulous flavors. I plan on becoming a cordial-making machine.
• I received my first solicitation for an old-lady magazine. It's addressed to "One Smart Lady", and among other topics, claims to offer a one-minute cure for stress. I get tense just thinking about it.