1.22.04 Gray Matters
Things I have forgotten that the internet can't help me with:

Things I have forgotten that the internet can help me with:

1.21.04 MyCrowSoft
There are two fine things in this otherwise silly article. The first is an offer of a settlement. (why bother?) The second is the subject of the article was "unavailable for comment, as he was taking a late-afternoon nap." Let that nap be an inspiratation to all 15-minute fame seekers.

Seattle's dumb, bad FAO store is finally closing its doors on the 25th. Since I spent about 10 years working in educational toy stores, I am glad to see it go, but it's a little surprising what's happened in the biz. In 1998, stores like LearningSmith, Imaginarium, Store of Knowlege, Right Start, and Zany Brainy were taking over, and sent Toys R Us into a re-org. (Game stores are gone or going, too, but they target a different audience.) Now all those stores are gone, Toys R Us has "boutiqued" its stores to resemble the long-gone foofy ones, and Walmart and Target are taking over. So much for boomers spending money on their kids. So much for toys ever being worth premium prices. So much for the mall-based toy store. Online toys (note the Fingerhut-eToys connection) are taking a healthy chunk, which makes sense: shopping while the kid is asleep is a grand thing. But I like to think that this means local people actually stayed loyal to their small, indy stores if they were in the market for "good" toys. And that's sort of nice, isn't it? Also probably somewhat incorrect, but no one seems to have tracked stats for independent businesses. Gee. Imagine that.

1.19.04 Instead of Working
This morning I bought a yacht with a flag that says, "Chillin' the most".

Then I got four tubes of blood drawn from my arm, and didn't faint. Let's hear it for normal blood pressure! Perhaps the Years of Faint are now behind me!

Then I came home and ate a sandwich. After many fancy dinners, that little tuna fish sandwich seemed like The Best Meal Ever. Perhaps it was. Perhaps all meals will be downhill from here on until I drop dead.

Have you sent your postcard to Penzeys for me yet? What, don't you want a cookie?

1.15.04 Entitlement
I am thinking about politics again. I am confused again. I'll keep saying that any democrat except Lieberman can win against Bush, and even believing it. Lots of people have good reasons to back specific candidates; Michael Moore's good reasons are in favor of Clark. A lot of what he says I think is right and proper and just. But (in the words of Brothermine),everyone's got a big fat but.

Today's fat but is questioning how so many people are claiming so loudly to speak for some kind of Genuine American. Moore at least occasionally acknowledges that he's separated himself from the union card bearing, fiscal conservative/social liberal masses in trucker hats and big hair, but he also frequently proclaims how in touch with all these people he is. I suspect that if you have to claim that you are "in touch" with a group, you are by definition not. We all have family members in the formerly well-paid working class. Having a cousin or 12 doesn't make you "in touch", and having a well-selling book that appeals to the unsatisfied folk doesn't either. Neither does having been right about something in the 70s. Neither does having a medical degree. Neither does being a high-ranking army guy. Neither--especially neither--does being a career politician with Good Hair and a sturdy thumb. So I guess part of today's confusion is this: if I think Moore's reasoning about what sort of person appeals to former Reagan voters is sound, does that mean it's likely to be incorrect, as I am no more "in touch" with former Reagan voters than any other young urban populist? (For that matter, I know two former Reagan voters. One of them I don't think I could say the words "voter registration" in front of without him getting disgusted at my Goddamn Commie Ideals. The other I think might've secretly voted for Anderson.)

One a different note, I continue having hassles with my health insurance. I knew it would happen, I am nicely prepared for it all and kept all my documents well organized, but it is still quite annoying. Recently, all my post-surgery visits with the surgeon have been denied payment, because "traditionally doctors don't bill for those". In my case, the first one was free, and billed ss such. Why would all of them be free? At each, it's worth arguing. Mostly.

1.13.04 Belly and the Beast
A busy work schedule in the life of a food writer means a perpetually full stomach. This week includes four large, fancy dinners out and one night of Burrito Festivo, thanks to a generous rugby player who purchased 20 pounds of carne asada when he was in So Cal recently. Every job has its drawbacks, but complaining about too many large, fancy dinners isn't likely to win me any sympathy, I know. As part of the dinner conversation last night, I realized again how difficult it is to maintain proper perspective as a critic. Eating large, fancy dinners on someone else's dime five out of seven nights is very different than laying out your own cash for a celebration of some kind. Shouldn't a 0 meal be basically perfect? Does a 0 meal need to be just as perfect, or is it ok for it to be just very good? How do standards change when you only eat out like this twice a year (or even once a month)? Are there really universally applicable standards of perfection when it comes to food? (no.) What about service (in general terms, yes.) What about comfort of surroundings (oddly, yes.) Hopefully, the days of my becoming a food writer and less of a critic are coming closer. Nothing firm yet, but cross your fingers.

I keep meaning to write about cookies and editing, so I am now going to. Separate topics. Get that look off your face.

About cookies: Europe is sort of known as the Home of Excellent Pastry, like BK is Home of the Whopper. Cakes, tortes, tarts, puddings, frozen treats, breads of all kinds--it's hard to beat what the pastry chefs have come up with, which is why most Europeans buy their pastries rather than make them. We do pies pretty well, but really they're just enlarged tarts with less concentrated flavors. What the US does better than any one is cookies. We invented both brownies and chocolate chip cookies. Other cookies are dry, crisp, buttery and nutty, perhaps with a dab of jam. They are sophisticated and dull. Ours can be made by kids, have names like "hermits" and "snickerdoodles", and are often created out of odd little bits found in the back of cupboards. A warm, chewy-on-the-inside, crisp-on-the-outside cookie is one of the world's best things to eat. Just look at all the possibilities. It's winter. Go make some cookies.

About editing: I once appalled Brothermine with one of my editing techniques, with which I will now appall all of you. There used to be a foofoo fashion rule that a woman should get entirely dressed and then remove one accessory; that way, she would never be overdressed. Most professional writings have fairly specific word counts that must be met. I have a tendency to overshoot those counts. So at the final reading, if I am over the count (and sometimes even if I have precisely hit the target), I remove one sentence so I will not be overdressed. Sweetie and Putative didn't really get it, but Chickago summed it up nicely. I will paraphrase: There's usually one sentence that you love but know that it doesn't really fit. It's like a sparkly brooch.
I look forward to being a cantankerous old woman who gets to lecture young hopefuls about the Sparkly Brooch school of writing.

1.9.04 Things That Hurt
(with apologies to Sei Shonagon) My left arm and wrist. My hip. My lower back. When Gato Gordo jumps on my belly. Stubbing my toe. Carrying heavy things. Squirming around in bed trying to get comfortable. Opiate withdrawl. Falling down the stairs. Falling out of a tree. Falling in general. Having multiple pieces of metal inserted into my spine. Forgetting to use a hotpad when removing something from the oven. Forgetting to use a hotpad when moving something that has recently been removed from the oven. Forgetting to use a hotpad in general. Mistaking a glass of 180 proof alcohol for a glass of water.

Things That Do Not Hurt
Remembering to use a hotpad. Sleeping.

1.8.04 Sauron Wins!
Apparently, when I read the LotR books last year, I skipped all the appendixes at the end of the last one. During this morning's trip through the Seattle liberry website, I decided to hunt down a copy and check over what I missed the first time. There are a lot of different versions with different pretty covers now (no surprise) and I looked through four different versions to find the one I would get the quickest. Shame on geeks! Every version has an extremely high rate of lost/missing/claimed returned books--the highest I've ever seen. Late fees I approve of, as long as other people aren't waiting for the book, but just not returning? Shame! See, the thing with fines is that up to , you basically don't ever have to pay them. So you can pretty easily get a - book for free, if you are That Sort of Person. The hearts of men are indeed weak.

I got a funny little product survey in the mail yesterday. Looking through it, I found a question that asked "How often are you concerned about getting or maintaining an erection?" The first answer was "All of the time". I say pull Viagra off the market pronto, then when all those old guys are asked to cause further harm to the world, they will respond with, "Not now, dammit, I am worrying about getting or maintaining an erection!" Perhaps populists can start some kind of subsidy fund to pay the company to not make it, like farmers getting paid to not grow corn.

1.7.04 Slush Pile
I've never seen so much snow disappear so quickly. Snowmen as performance art? If you drank up all your hot cocoa in the cold, order some more from here. It's great stuff. I can't vouch for the pink varieties. Yet.

I have a new favorite war. When a churro and a croissant wrassle, which wins? What about tres leches vs. dacquoise? Someone, I don't remember who, once inquired whether it was possible to kill a person with a baguette. Obviously, if it is nice and stale, a single blow to the head should do the job. What about a tortilla? Difficult to smother someone with an edible item, but possible, I guess.

Welcome to the Monkey! Seattle dwellers, will I see you there? I am a little concerned that all the performer's hands are somehow welded to their chins, but the fashion show, spelling bee and cooking demos should help ease my anxiety. And since I have a piece on Vietnamese food due soonish for NW Palate (my Islandwood thing is in the current issue, by the way), I have sort of a Professional Obligation, do I not?

I ran across this book while doing a spot of research for an editor. As i figure most anyone likely to read this is in some way a member of the "creative class", I feel a minor non-Professional Obligation to pass it along. Don't worry, all of you people so busy filling this world with silly love songs/consumer newsletters/card games/targeted advertising/educational products: Auntie Boom will read it first, and tell you all the Important Parts.

Instead of reading, can some of you please invent new names for these? Scrod is far too pubicly inclined for a baby, and bloater? Who wants to sit down and eat a nice piece of bloater? I kind of like Longnose Sucker, though. One is what one eats.

1.5.04 Winner's Circle
Apparently, it was Boom's Year of Light Reading. Books I liked, in no particular order:

Don't both with these:

Best cookbook goes to Best Recipes. Thorough, specific, entertaining, wide-ranging, equally useful for novices and experts, teaches theoretical as well as practical cooking.

1.03.04 Bang A Gong
Every desk needs a gong. Much easier than banging your head on nearby metal objects to emphasize your point. I spent about a year banging away on the Boom Parents' metal railing, so I know.

Even after all those brain cells I mashed in on the railing, I still read 210 book in 2003. For new readers: It's just a tic. On the other hand, if you try to make yourself feel better by thinking "well HA, I really take the time to savor what I read and clearly Boom does no such thing" and are fool enough to communicate in any way that you are thinking this thought, I will poke you in the eye. See if I don't.

Let us all say a quiet hurrah for the Mighty Library System, which let me read 152 of these books for only .50 in fines. Oh Library Love of Mine, you are worth so much more I was actually happy to see you're raising your late fees for the coming year. I promise to bring back many late books as a way of saying thank you.

Seattle dwellers: get thee to Assaggio for a truly excellent meal. Really: four entrees, four desserts, every damn one of 'em worth getting fat for. Don't hold me responsible if conversation is a little odd--we covered the marketability of GMO tape worms, the definition of stupid people, sniping camera-phone-guns, charter schools for baby cows, when to leave non-profit jobs and the difference between a gourd and a squash. Satisfyingily, I was right; gourds are just those funny-shaped little things that people turn into things that need to be dusted. Go forth and make a flamingo for Boom.