an open page souns in the hed: Bjork's Family tree, Nada surf's proximity effect...
"Silver apples" (mca reissue with s/t and contact)-great suicide/kraut rock courtesy a "simeon" machine and a taylor drummer. Reissued in '97, this '68 album stinks of experimentation in a good way, sounding like trans am with david gates on vocals. Crazy hippie sensibilities filtered thru over worked drones and experimentation. And i found this album at jurong point, after lookin for it for quite some time.track: "ocsillation"
King Crimson's Thrak: Robert fripp is a genius with this squeals, own brand of fusion, soft heartbreaking passages and whitenoise fetish!this 90's KC album is hung low, sloppy, more anti technique than technique and also full of ideas that results in this complex melting pot of music. With trey gunn (wat's a stick?!?!), bill bruford, tony levin, pat mastello ,adrian belew's fantastic vocals.. this one's a fucking classic album that has to be heard and felt.shit and it goes to say about my new found KC obsession.. for the unhooked check out "red" from the album red which sounds still so way ahead from '74!track:dinosaur
Sylvian/fripp's Damage:Im not familiar with Japan but frankly speaking this album sucks. David sylvian does a bryan ferry without the david bowie. The charm here is that it documents the first meeting with trey gunn, pat mastello and fripp. The strength of the songwriting just does not give the added effect to the fabulous lineup! which sucks! this album was recorded live in'93 so yeah.. Another bonus on this lineup's micheal brook also the inventor of the infinite guitar that Edge STOLE! And MADE SHItloaDS Of MONEY!track:damage
The jesus and mary chain's live in concert:i was so happy when i got this album at hmv, despite its heavy price of 35 bucks!C'mon! its the fucking JAMC!!Shit LOVED THEM TO death Since God KNows ONE and still defines Punnk Rawk Or Watever Rock to mE!The concert tapes are culled from two shows, one after Honey's dead and stoned and dethroned, which is GREAT!U get two versions of Reverence (which is my all time FAVourITe SONg to dance to alone!), two seperate lineup's with curve drummer monti and without.. playing live the stoned and dethroned material and shitting on the automatic songs!shit THis one's a total winner!
ok the real deal: im totally shagged out, yesterday i was pretty bored spent the whole time walking around town by myself and all. yea, but when i reached border's i met a friend and got me Off and off to Zouk! my sis was there and shit i met a whole shit load of friends and shit! it was an amazin nite truly! So if u all think about me not having a life and hanging out at border's its because its where i meet people and all.. hur hur watever that meant.
Next up:this week's a tough one, the last few days have been tought and all, because i realised something out of the blue just thinking about mel and all, after a fucking longtime. Its about how we used to be and all, and its funny how i realised that i never ever though about how we could be similiar in some ways, i guess thats why there's not proper closure in some sense really. I guess on think that ive learnt is how people can be similiar in ways that it doesnt have to be scary but.. its a great thing. I guess its great that people can acknowledge these things, i guess the world would be a better place. I guess te reason why music or rather playing music brings this understanding into greater play.. i guess..
july:ive chosen my men already to fight with and i pray that certain problems that i have dont form an obstacle in doing my duty as a SEction commander really. I really pray. Last nite some wierd things went off in my head that kinda well, i dunno.. i realised that im a fucking wierd arse guy man.. buay tahan totally.
well i dont know if im even going to make it for bay beats really i only want to see buddhistson, i really like the band alot. Last year they played i swore i was smiling thruout their set... And its not because if the keyboardist OK!Man... im not sure really, i really so want to go, its like the meaning of my existence in gig deprived singapore. Oh yea im going to miss blondie too, i so badly want to hear them play "dreaming". I remember dancing alot to it in my room with my ex girlfriend to it, to the smashing pumpkins cover from the bullet with butterfly wings single..the boy girl vocals and all.. and my my favourite line.. "why i met u in a restaurant, u could tell i was no debutante.." sigh.. Could it actually happen in a restaurant? Can u tell me who i am? hahhha.. i so want to go so badly.. sigh.. till dunno when..
should i go MDIS and do mass communications? hmmm.. or murdoch?
Sunday, July 13, 2003 07:19 p.m.
2+2=5?? What the f**k's THAT!?!?!? souns in the hed: sunny day real estate's lp2, do make say think's good bye enemy skyship and debut, Mogwai's rock action, dinosaur jr's hand it over, the flaming lip's yoshimi battles the pink robots and Mp3's from RAdiohead's release Hail the thief.. Still TRYIN so hard to convine myself that the album is woth buying.. man..
bjork's Verandi's playing beautiful..
list of albums i bought over hail to the thief 1)king crimson's red
2)king crimson's starless and bible black
3)do make say think's debut
4)do make say think's goodbye enemy skyship
5)genesis' selling england by the pound
6)Led zeppelin's how the west was won
7)Led Zeppelin 2 (remastered with cool vinyl style cover originally available as jap imports.)
8)Alanis morrisette's former supposed infatuation junkie
9)PRU (what the fuck? why did i buy it? it was on at 9 bucks so hahah,, just wanted to relive stasis 4 where they played..:))
there, there u have it the albums i bought over Hail to the thief since it came out. I can compile another list of stuff i couldve bought instead like Blur's think tank, i guess its because 13's a really great album and getting rid of graham coxon to his americana punk stint on optic records and all, might open up new doors for Damon albarn's increasing artsy electic soft rock writing. Cmon.. admit it.. coffee and tv was a bad single to have recognition instead of "no distance left to run" and "battle".. ok tender was a fluke.
ramblings: I was sick for the past few days, tried to quit smoking really bad. The price has gone up ridiculously totally, two big packs could get u a T.a.t.u album so go figure. Afterall its not goin to be good for my own social life too, or watever love life..smoking does not equate to productivity after all, but in the army it could be different?
hamblings:wanted to go for some dance thing that amy's dancing for, she was doing "all that jazz" from chigaco, for that she had to wear a skimpy cabaret number for it. I kinda wanted to go, but i guess i was sick and yea... Oh well, its funny how things could maybe develop or something, u begin to wonder about all these little decisions that could well lead to something that u want or need. It all points to the situations i guess. Wanted to make a nice mixdisc for her, kinda like the list i made a week ago of dancing songs for her birthday, and get her a nice card and shit. It makes me wonder why do i want to do all this? well For once i know, because she's genuinely appreciative, i mean for one who owns most of the swervedriver albums? she should! hahah..
MONEY!!:on to my total wishlist.. hahah.. i guess being sick gives u time to think over things and all. I really want to get a proper "no.1", a fender telecaster.. yea.. black or red. A fostex MR-8 for recording and i can bring it overseas to develop my song writing skills (i cant believe i wrote that.. its so sell out!! hahha.. i wanna be Dave DeBurgh or Collin McRaye!!). Yea im thinking of doing media and communications overseas, hopefully if my mental space permits marketing too.
ive been re-reading my old "cyberpunk" books that i own by the heaps that i bought during secondary school. I bought william gibson's virtual light again, for 14 after bran must've stolen it from me.. bitch. It made me think about all these funny dreams bran and me had back in secondary school, about our plans to open a pirate radio station by ordering bits and pieces of broadcasting equipment from radioshack(usa) to get thru customs. Yea, we were suppose to play spazz playlists like one minute meltbanana next celine dion and next sonic youth and then n*sync..yea that kinda of shit so that people will hear it pass the capitalist bullshit and hear it for the song itself,this being that the lack of concern for tempo and proper playlist removes the song from context, and into a platform where its just music. Hah!!!
And our other dream of owning a company that designs pop culture alternatives to media companies or what not, to reduce fringe cultures or imaginary ones to a bite size nugget the size of britney spears. this inturn opens a new markets for various products from soap to fashion to food to whatever. ok ok.. it wont work.. but yea.. we made it all up after reading too many william gibson sub plots. But it could be probable.. look at the price of cigarettes.. its like in the book..
ender:Well will be booking back into camp, have the week end burnt. fuck. I may not be able to make it for baybeats to see Buddhistson.. man.. and the gloria record and isabelle tears... Oh well, have to finsh up nonsense stuff.. im totally stressed and anxiety torn to the point, and quiting fags, and trying to well.. hahah.. lets not think too much of romance or anything of that sort now.. i leave u with my personality test and i think i should downgrade.. till NExt next week!!!
ALaZ!!
well what the fuck am i doing back on a tuesday night? Well ive come back home to pick up my CDs. Yes they've arrived, in a brown paper bag. The most beautiful albums that i've heard so far. Do make say think's debut album and good bye enemy airship are the most exciting albums ive ever heard in the world, just a skim thru the tracks makes me moan so much, imagine if u sat thru the whole album.
its hard to describe their music, some pple say its DJ shadow mixed with fusion rock, some say they're the most important dance albums, some say its chill out miles davis with lots of texture. I say its rock and roll. Im now listening to the 12 minute opus off good bye enemy airship, Its beautiful... im serious breaking into a newyorker swagger down broadway breaking slowly ever so painfully and sweetly into a My Bloody valentine squeal. Sounding like a fusin between classic jazz structures with space rock textures, these two albums makes whatever experimental releases by sonic youth or spiritualized sound elementary.
Check out "minmin" its downloadable off the net off some file sharing network and you'll see. Its like a pop single munched off a piece of snow on some neon stained street on christmas night. Yea.. that's it.. Do make say think's music sounds like christmas, an overpowering joy that's a wink both to things passed and to the future. a Fruity christmas which just grows deeper in white with each second, guranteed to change your life its a pity the longest songs last only at 12 mins max.
the CDs come in exquitsite packaging, handmade no doubt like godspeed's releases with multiple covers and embossed letter in the inside. If this is what canadian music is, then canadian post-rock (darn i use that word!) is it.
This is it ...fellow music lovers the holy grail is it? this has been do make say think....
Tuesday, July 1, 2003 08:08 p.m.
fuck your rock and roll souns in the hed: ALanis morisette's supposed former infatuation junkie, cheap trick's heaven tonight, king crimson's starless and bible black + RED, Mogwai's happy songs for happy people and jeff buckley's live at the sin-e....
blue:Yesterday had a somewhat imbalanced good bad time at zouk, had alot of xcrewups here and there but yea... just somethings that shouldnt have made it to the show or was missed, things that actually couldve helped make it a better time i suppose? Well i ended up at phuture which well, never fails to just play the right shit all over the place! They played underworld's cowboy and born slippy in mutated free funk states that was totally great.. sigh... And yea.. they also played this total euphoric dynamic version of "so pure" by alanis.. man the built up was so good although it was built up on the chorus, and im so glad i need the words.. it was great "i love u when u dance in a freestyling trance so pure an expression.." hahh... and then ur eyeballs pass a really un attractive girl and youre like wha..
rok an roll: hey hey what can i say, friday's life had an article on rock and roll being dead. Well it says alot of how misrepresented rock is in the media and seriously i blame everyone for it even me. Fuck.. Comparing bands back then, bobby dylan and tra la la to the current crop of mainstream bands seems utterly pointless. What we're looking at is a whole industry for art built on consumerism and not one that sees music as a cultural force, or is it impossible for music now to be? i guess its all in the listener really.
Just saw bowling for columbine and marilyn manson's a really intelligent guy.. his smarts and his totally ugly are as tragic as stephen hawkins and his muscle disease. His comments on the media are exactly what people should aware of, majority of the people out there all watch matrix reloaded for its action and whatever thought provoking plot and shit, but to me its about fucking waking up and realizing that the shits not what it is.
Its funny that the writer for that article that friday noted that there were great releases in electronica, hiphop and something else.. so's what? All of them talk about sex and more nonsense useless dancefloor politic infatuation shite. ITs not about the music man... u dont hear jazz.. u dont hear dance or house.. its not that ur not cool or not yuppie or living music that's positive or what. The word hear is Fear, do u fear that ur not part of that party that's got their eyes wide shut?
i mean ive got know problems with whatever hippity hop drop shit and all, i love avril lavigne and all.What i mean is that people should take their music seriously. Im not saying it only just because i think its the only topic that i can actually say things about but hell yea. Music and all can say alot more, can change a starless night into a romanctic dream or a satanic sabbatical wetdream. So to the person who wrote the article.. stop looking for the right things and do the wrong things. The band's last waltz i havent seen it but im sure that rock's not dead surely, its not in your pants, its not on the dancefloor, its not with your partner.. its in your heart.
oh yea i want to make a list of songs i want to dance with a girl to now.in order.. 1)"tongue"-by REM from MONSTER
2)"babyface"-by U2 from ZOOROPA
3)"Lift"-by RADIOHEAD b-side unreleased
4)"soon"-by My Bloody Valentine from loveless
5)"just like heaven"-by The Cure from kiss me kiss me
6)"sometimes always"-by The Jesus and Mary chain from stoned and dethroned
7)"sweetness follows"-by REM from Automatic for the people
8)"()"-by Sigur ros the whole album
9)"2 rights make one wrong"-by Mogwai from Rock action
10)"bright as yellow" by The Innocence Mission
11)"almond kisses"-by SpaceHog from The Chinese Album
its just something about michael stipes voice..hmmmm
sigh.. i wont be aroundthe next few days.. still waitin for my Do make say think CDs to come.. sigh.. till then..
btw Happy 19th birthday Amy, wished you were here or something : )
Sunday, June 29, 2003 09:01 p.m.
close to the edge of a sunrise souns in the head: Cold's s/t, The concise King Crimson, the essential beethoven, death's greatest hits, Mogwai's rock action, the microphone's mount eerie and Genesis' selling england by the pound... now what kind of cock listens to this shit all at once, im so retarded man..
i'm sick, sober, tired, slightly disappointed, and smitten by matrixreloaded and animatrix's themes. All part of a delayed old school cyberpunk (william gibson's defination not some cock japanese one.) wetdream... watched bruce almighty and got ripped into two by it. tired and sick and sick and sick.. lucky i didnt go to the fort cannin film thingie with mel. Hung out with joe and the guys.. jammed with SpeedcameraAhead which was great.. ahhahah.. i wanna be mike rutherford... and long live the illumanti..
i'm on a blog holiday
Monday, June 23, 2003 12:39 a.m.
my father my king souns in the head: aphex twin's selected ambient works vol 2, led zeppelin's how the west was won, EMPEROR's scattered ashes and Mogwai's happy songs for hppy people leaked mp3's for their new album : ) ... beautiful. and assorted stars of the lid, landing and labradford mp3s.
the good in everyone:well just had my block leave coz my recruits just passed out. Since tuesday ive spent a bomb on everything! Mostly on the alcohol and all, but a major bulk was paying for some goodwill from people. It was great really, but like zouk last nite.. man.. the music wont stop and i'll keep dancing and dancin till my pants fall off from the sweat..
wednesday:It was funnite at zouk when i went with some recruits and met up with more. Met lots of people and had crappy cheesy shit fun just like all the previous mambo nites, strangely i conciously kept ignoring the ah bengs doing their stupid hand thingie's, the novelty's worn off but the cheesy shit music still rocks. Had great fun with the guys esp those ORDin.. yea thet're great guys really and i wish them all the best man.. I love em.
i came up with this little thing.. "men bluff and women Lie" yea.. think about it.. this bitch from NUS 2nd year arts soci with a tennis racket says she wanna share a cab with me and all, but runs away. OK... it not just that but i spent like some time thrashin out the "men bluff..." thingie with trina on the phone. ANd trust me, men bluff with the fluff and women just LIE!
saturday: well saturday was crazy really, it was.. man... just too good in a weird way. At last i met up with two old friends that i realised that they mean alot to me. I guess meeting them one after another in one shot just.. well spells it out. It's strange how they just inspire me with the smallest things that they deem insignificant, almost perfect.
i met up with mel after miller and we went to eat, it was great really, cept that i was really tight for time and shit to go embassy or something. It was great really talking to her and seeing her in her new haircut which makes her look totally cute Hahhahaha!yea.. oh wells lets hope she doesnt read that. Miller was fun too, still as butterfingery altogether hahah, yea but yea she's still as fanatically arty farty as ever...her energy for grabbin things and turnin them into things (if she doesnt destroy it) still's there.. man its great.
we went to zouk with kelchenterrancepatsean in a super cool space wagon which drove like a fucking f-14 in a dogfight, embassy was totally like packed and trust me i could've died there on the spot at the entrance to embassy the girls there were like.. GOd... Spunky girls with sharp anglo-chinese features with blusher and too much blusher.. and man.. sad to say they were playing hip hop and yea.
on to zouk i met my pc my camp mates some recruits brenda and friends there.. man if i remember correctly i met both my cousins and shit loads of pple in town b4 that.. MAN Its like im full of aquaintances and all. hi-bye kinda shite. Well phuture was good playing all the snares and kick ups all the floor, i realised that there's better grip on the floor closer the wall for dancing. Phuture was a total big beat meltdown oozin barrage after barrage of classic relentless break beat bombs. Zouk was good too.. house didnt sound this good before really, some guest DJ was spinnin as surprisingly it was really rocking too. Low hung basslines and squeaking shit keys interlocked together with a unforgiving tempo thump that couldnt be heard but felt. Oh... about girls.. damn i was havin too much fun.. hur hur..
closer: well i just went for a plain sunset gig just now at the substation, saw 59 minutes too and boy are they good.. i mean both of em.. Its great to hear the new PS songs too, man... its bliss really sitting at the side and seeing the sun set thru the trees above the substation. After that i went for mass and had a haircut. ANd here i am.. ready to book in and do duty tomolo.. fuck..It was a great week and i guess everything turned out alright although i wasted thursday cause everyone wasnt free, and also disappointed like mad when someone didnt want to meet up. Oh wells.. i guess it was the alcohol, spent alot on it.. but thanks to all those who made my hols worthwhile and let's do it again sometime?
Sunday, June 15, 2003 08:37 p.m.
citizen erased souns in the hed:emperor's anthems to the welkin at dusk, godspeed you black emperor's F#A#xx, mono's under the pipal tree, led zeppelin's physical grafitti and atomic:best of blondie.
blank:Over a night, last night that is, everything's being erased.. all 21 years of it or maybe i want it to be erased. I figured it too much for me to handle that i need someone to help i did get that help.
blank:u lose trust in some, u gain in some. U lose everything in one night, because of what u realise. That this is not what has been. Everything depends on it. U get disappointed when the people u want to trust again plows u inside with ignorant coldness, condescending play thrus and fluffy americana stabs. Its okay, really. I just thought too much without thinking or telling i never expected it.
blank: to my fears relieved, it is what i thought it would be. The worse of everything comes in pure arabesque ballet delight. I wont do anything because its all me and myself really. I realised that my whole life's a fluke. Its not like i want to end it, its just that i dont know what to do with it? With what i am and what i am not.
blank: i realise that i feel no distinction between desire and love, i have been feeling the wrong things. There is nothing to define what i am and feel to at all. To an album? To a song? to a book? to a memory? to a memory yea.. maybe.. temporal but meaningful. I feel bloated to a point where i feel relieved in knowing but not in showing.
<
blank:i cant say anything less.. i feel that it says more, saves lots of trouble. i just want to leave it all really, and find somewhere i could just fuck off. Let's just say that all this is all too chronic postmodern, its so mtv behind in the electrons, its so behind the sea, it so beneath the bookshelves i just want to really let myself pass away. out. my life is a crapping.
Sunday, June 8, 2003 06:15 p.m.
this is rock and roll suicide souns in the head: deftones' s/t, longwave's the strangest things, swervedriver's raise,tori amos' scarlet walk and envy's beautiful new album dead sinking story... epic post-everything album partly distributed by mogwai's label rock action...
hey hey: booking in camp soon. This week 24km route march, i still have my blisters from the 16km the last friday. Legs aching and having people calling me pussy the way the army taught thru negative motivation whatchamacallit. Sleepy tired, frustrated and having my mood swings again, just stoning. Staring the the sun and waiting to go blind.
input: German movie "what to do in case of fire" i did watch today, about a anarchist film club that plants a bomb which blow up 20 years later when they're all yuppies and nursing maternal instincts. gReat film really.. especially with the soundtrack with manic street preachers' "everlasting" playing in the background as a theme for the movie. Saw it back to back with David spade mullet white trash opus "joe dirt", which has to be the greatest mullet movie made (is there such a genre?). What kind i say, both films were about the main characters doing something about their past...the german yups dealing with their punk rock past.. joe dirt dealing with his dirty ol' trailer park junkie parents. Man.. u have to watch these two films.
what is to come:Well Battle innoculation course on tuesday.. which means its back to tekong the island where i stared at the sea and found out what life is.. i think, i cant say that i reached nirvana staring out into the sea while having the worst time of my life... that fucking week... i wonder where was my mind then? Mel's coming back on thursday.. i hope she's ok on the trip back. im drained dry and dry and true..kid 606 bleeps and rips all cut up whatever heart left.. im afraid i wont have any left.
end:i went for a play at hwa chong and it was great really, the people there? well things never change... the play was gr1eat.. "rumours" yea that's what its called, the usual funny neurotic peoples in funny neurotic situations. Clever acting there.. but somehow something was missing and i didnt know what it was.... it was bugging me the whole time when i was out with my godsis.. it felt hollow.. i felt terribly numb and totally limp.. impotent to watever sensations that everything around was suppose to get to me... i think im dying really. hur hur.. next time ...
Sunday, June 1, 2003 09:27 p.m.
the medicine for melancholy souns in the head:mazzy star's so tonight that i may see, spiritualized's lazer guided melodies, longwave's the strangest things,mayhem's deathcrush e.p., sparta's wiretap scars and the ultra powerful lastest release from deftones s/t..
the cure: im back for a nights off, again i guess.. i was stuck in camp with some wierd cock up in my head. I feel so guilty that ive cut myself again, i was thinking it'll be all over, u noe the adoloscent thing but i think im rottin again. Everythin feels like a ray manzarek keyboard sway really... side to side like a bad acid trip in a brick shithouse.
the pure: tell u frankly i took the title of the entry from an essay by anton lavey from the satanist's notebook.. go figure man, hahah. Yea, its funny really. nah.. im not going satanist.
the lure: If im human, then i need to be loved. That's the problem with been brought up middle class i guess, spoilt brats like me grow up emotionally retarded. I just feel that i need to be loved somewhat, after doing so many nice things i guess. I like it really doing all these nice things and im not doing because i want to wear the "mister goodguy" badge, it because i want to. After that i start to think about why im doing it, its because i feel immensly inadequate. that's why i try my best to do things, but will anyone do things for me? i just need to be loved tt's so lame. and boring.. i sshould call that person.....
the truth:im sick of being so goddamm fucking beggar to this person about needing to talk because i want to. its to fulfill some sexual desire or something, lets just face it, i do not like readin men's mags, i might be gay for all the matter. I just want to talk.. really. these few nights, my head just caves into sleep, and i have these wierd dreams. Im sick of it.. i dunno what to say but i really want to talk and if noone's gonna talk its okay. Why because im too nice to bore someone else with some problem that's self inflicted.
the drugs: I believe its a shortage of dopamine. Go read up on it if u want to. that's all. Ive lived off it for too long in the army jerking off to everygodamm memory and promise that was. Im sad that's all. in the night i feel my cheeks to some faint sensation of being noticed. i cant be bothered to talk about what's happened in camp because its the same old shit that happens to me.. range.. field camp.. recruits getting the shovel in the arses..
the end: given a choice. given a choice. I'd reboot totally everthing, to mazzy star's fade into you. yea, i then give up what ive tried so hard to keep, and i wont need to keep anymore. i wrote i love u so many times in my journal the other day again and again until it meant nothing.. temporary displacment. The effort's too great for so little relief. Its good at least to know that nobody's who they are and nobody cares and nobody bothers too much for comfort, the way i want it to be. yea the way i want it to be. sumire shot in the head. yea that's where sumire is.
Wednesday, May 28, 2003 07:22 p.m.
where i end and you begin souns in the head: Spiritualized's collected works vloume one, matthew sweet's in reverse,the beatles' white album, michelle branch's the spirit room and leaked mp3s from the new radiohead album "hail to the thief" out june 10.
sweetness follows:if we all get sweet from the bitter and bitter from the sweet over time.. it happens to me every fucking second it leaves trail marks on my chest. I think that everything to do with being down is wrong really, and that everythin to do with myself is right there down. "kangaroo" by alex chilton paints your heart like a coloring book.
the bitter bends:on a daily basis i'm wrecked by what to show the world really, what i am. I cant help acting all kiddish and teenrager cause im stressed every second about something. I see a car and i think i should drive but i hate driving. I see a face i love that face but i hate facing. i see the sky and i love the skies but is it worth staying? i subscribed the last few weeks to a daily horoscope sms service so that i can feel comforted somehow. Its nice really, u can always depend on technology to find yourself in the right spots.
electricity:i hear my old songs and i hate it when i hear my stupid old whiny voice i used to sing with. I think about what that voice means, it means w-e-a-k, s-a-d and l-a-m-e. Strangely enough those songs mean the most to me, all the stupid ones like "the national day song", "what's wrong" and "complex uninspired acoustic song" all kills me.
referal script:i hate it when people compares me to my cousins. They think that being a music critic means paring your music tastes down to kylie, britney and coldplay. now what i fuck is that? ive had too many people over the week asking me if i have a girlfriend, worse enough asking me if im getting one. I told them i didnt have anyone in mind though, and u start to think about why not? Its not important really,but somehow its an indicator that your not gay when your still having a girlfriend. I guess the biker look should shake things like that off, like im all macho and i have girls too much or something.
the important bit
the night closes with mojave 3's love songs on the radio and tomorrow its the grading for the cct im attending. then its field camp and the range.. all this week. Mel sent an email out about when she's coming back and all. at the back of my mind i dont want her to come back. I want her to stay there really, somehow i m happy she'd be happy there esp without me pestering the shit out of her. its not about what i need anymore really, i feel halfway given up about it to my friends and all. the lustre of the stars cant raise any spirits in me.
ive taken a bow sometime in this life, somewhere really. i wish someone would call me now chat and give me reason to want to talk and talk till late and not feel abit more tired tomorrow, someone id love to talk to. simple things. no hangups. the blowout strangles me. so much to feel..... little to feel with.. nothing to feel for.... sigh
Monday, May 19, 2003 12:02 a.m.
a man plays a violin with his nerves ,the strings. souns in the head: Mojave 3's ask me tomorrow, At the drive in's in casino out, The warlocks' rise and fall, cursive's domestica, the smiths' hatful of hollow and nick cave and the bad seeds' murderballads.. and if you feel like youve lost all hope in the magic of love then pick up a copy of beach boy's petsounds and you'll be reminded of how wonderful being in love is.. well i needed to be reminded myself about how magical it can be..
the situation:well.. i was a little discouraged necause i didnt noe what to do with my songs. yea, i talked to joe just now and he told me i had to copyright it, which was funny why i didnt think of it. I guess its time to really stop romanticsing all these indie work ethics. yea.. either that or im a very bad business man? I mean c'mon.. who would rip my songs off??!?!? it goes to show that i should have more confidence i guess, its still a problem... i still think i sound sucky and old even though i try listening to my songs in different places to test drive it. yea...well its very masturbatory..
Is this it?:ive managed to get him to help me do a winterhalter website with the songs on, in exhange for me doin his own acoustic demo. Hee hee. me? Producer? hahah.. I guess i feel very strangled by the fact that im the only cock who's totally striving for people to like just hear the songs and all..i dunno. i guess that's why people are in bands cause they split the feelings four way?
yea.. i really like the songs i came up with.. tried it when i woke up the other day in the chalet and its really great stuff to cosy up to.. hahah..
sometime i really wished that i had mel around to kinda guide me on the finer points of marketing the songs or something.. to like give pointers and all. I really wished that i could make good.. like maybe see the winter halter name on the credits of some local film.. yea.. actually it did on some law faculty nus short in which they didnt inform me that they did? Maybe they didnt.. hahah..that's why.. all these selfish people who just see music as some cheap emotive commodity for some yuppie stained episode of money make me sick.. i mean i just dont like people like that really, they'd hate the mouldy peaches no matter how much they'd bleed really.. (d/l lucky number nine... sweet song<.. makes me smile.)
here's where the story ends: natalie portman by chino's side project band TEAM SLEEP makes me want to cry really.. beautiful shit esp. with her name tagged onto the melodies awfully soundin like a mogwai throw away that landed in the deftones soundbin.
all this talk about music and gettin to send my lill songs to record labels make me think alot. It like ive created my own personal intimate night time world and i want to share it with others that's all, and its time to think about the real world.. driving lessons, paychecks, loneliness, the church and lost promises. Kiss had a good deal of spreading their world globally.. from Japan to the mat rock next door.
I wish that someone would encourage me.. i guess its myself.. iguess.. well.. i guess its always that special someone whose words always manage to help me a great deal.. make things seem a little easier to chew on, the world alot rosier and my dreams alot easier to swallow.. maybe its me... ive got great friends what.. but yea.. i guess we all must carry on slightly wounded.. its all me.. really... but it matters so much. yea? u make me feel like morissey's my heart is full.. i really feel so much for every thing u breathe and its all i want to do forever... awww so fucking mushy..
winterhalter ep numero dos the ep has three tracks, ones a rocker, the rest are instrumentals... yea..second ones a housey bit and the last one's a dreamy cracked heart tone ballad..
1)sleeping on the plane
2)morning breath
3)sincerity
yea... hope to have the website up soon.. with sound bites.. for the fucked UP lo fi shit powerhouse that is Bonsaiboy!! and the cranked up white heat sloppy dream rock of winterhalter!! hahah.. sigh.. wish u were here..
Friday, May 16, 2003 12:10 a.m.
AT LAST
well basically, i managed to figure out a way to put my sloppy songs on disc properly without the bad volume and with greater clarity. so that means that i can give away the cds now!! AT LAST!!! basically i need to know if i should release a nice short and sweet ep under winterhalter.. or a cha pa lang nonsense of stupid shit songs from '00 onwards..under the title of bonsaiboy.. uner the title "dayglow sketches:'00-'03"...... u give me comments on what i should do ok?
btw if u think u dunno wat my stuff souns like and would like to know just find me on icq with my email or just leave something on the tagboard with ur email and i'll send some mp3 yea? hope u like the songs.. hur hur..IS ANYONE INTERESTED IN THIS SHIT!! hur hur...
Monday, May 12, 2003 12:35 a.m.
cinammon girl
i jus looked thru mel's chrongically self compiled photos of the youth group... since like i dunno.. 1998? yea..or is it 99? Well no matter what it's still being somewhat i long time, well, it sure did feel like a lifetime then yea?
its a great book really, started out with this foreword by her that well.. summed up every heartbeat that everyone in the youth group had, it wasnt cliche or anythin but..
One thing noticed in the book was my smile, really. I'm not being like totally ego-homo sexuall over myself but.. man i think i looked better then haha, and my smiles were so much better. Yea and pictures of me and my guitar hahah.. yea my old acoustic one with the stickies that ive torn off after things between me and mel were over. I still have them though... the ones that matter nothing still stay i guess.
one thing i noticed was how i started smiling alot more thru the book really, its funny... in the earlier pictures i was totally dumb when it came to taking photos and preferred taking them, suddenly later on.. it was really alot brigher and better.. i wonder why? It was funny that it was really the best when we had our final new year's day mass.. i shld think its.. 2001 yeah.. when things screwed up just a few months after that. I wondered really what happened.. i guess i lost that smile along the way.
And the little wierd photos i took.. hahah.. all the blurry as shit one. I remember one really nice one that i'll never forget how i took it, people say that i remember the strangest things but i dont think this' one. It was hours after one youth mass and the guys went over my place to change up and all, i was botak at the same time after winnin a bet with my secondary school friends (haha). The guys came over and were all over the place bathin and doing shit when mel was asking where she could her make up. I told her to do the make up in my room and i'll take a photo of her dolling herself up, cause that's when women are most beautiful. so she went up and was puttin lipstick with some old hand mirror i had, when i took a picture of her. It was blurred really, but somehow, it just lit up without any clarity, and yet i could remember things still.
that day, pictures of the youth mass were put in the weekly catholic news with me and mel in it.. with me with my guitar with the stupid edge delay nonsense. Those were great memories...
There were pcitures of mel, adam, nat and fran in australia
too.. it was great seein pictures of that really. It was like a totally missed out something and yea... it was great to see her with adam in sydney meeting up with junice and all. One thing that mel never ever will lose is that smile... it was always there and will always be the centre of attention when u think about the youth group for me... no matter how long ive been in it. Well, i could say that im pretty cynical now about all this religious hoo hah.. but one thing i can say that mel's really blessed in some strange way the i could think of. yea.. its really special somehow so are the rest of the youth group people then.. imm's lost his abit.. i've hur hur.. just spend my time avoidin taking photos or being in them.
Friday, May 9, 2003 12:06 a.m.
i know it hurts...
i know it hurts so much thatu know someone is getting hurt really. U might think this may be u and it can only may be. i'm really feel like crying because i know someone i love so much is getting hurt on a daily basis. I feel so helpless because i cannot do anything. It shoudl be numb to me after all i've done the same the others irresponsibly not knowing how much it hurt them.
it could be crying or dying... but its eatin away.. cliche words like sorrow just say it all. I really love that person, or the watever hurt person or watever grammtically limited brain i have. I really love u... but i just cant do fucking nothing.. i love u all but i cant do fucking anything.. god... this is what i didnt want to feel anytime soon. i really dont know how to say i love you really... but im afraid im too late.
I feel like ive failed as a brother or a person.. it family.. all i can say is to pray and hope its over sooner than u think. i really do really.. i can feel it at the corners of my eyes. fuck man it hurts alotta..it hurts alone.. it hurts in every goddamm possible way.. i loved u .
if u think this is about u it only could be.. ask if u wanna know, if u dont care its ok, because i do.
Tuesday, May 6, 2003 11:11 p.m.
Close combat training part #2 souns in hed: pavement's slanted and enchanted, sonic youth's murray street and yeah yeah yeah's feel the fever...
hatred:today we did striking punches and more beat each other up stuff.. wicked fun har har.
HATE!:today i wandered around the whole fuck place and i realised that i'm psychogically unstable and insane. Thinking about taking drama seriously, or part time, i still love performance.
hate:deftones may 20th, metallica also may, marilyn manson's god of the gortesque on may 7th.. mogwai's happy songs for happy people on june 7th...
Tuesday, May 6, 2003 10:12 p.m.
Close combat training Part #1 souns in hed:jimmy eat world's clarity, YEah yeah yeah's feel the fever (BRAND NEu RELEASE!! ROCKS!!! check out "maps", pj harvey with thurston moore on guitars.. rocks..) and daneil bedingfield's gotta get thru this.. man i remember listening to if you're the one and staring at the cbd from pulau senang.. it was beatiful really.. and the night skies and mosquitos..
What's on???: currently i'll be at home every night, coz i'm now attending this new course last minute. It's called close combat training axilluary instructor course (icct) and its for 2 weeks. It's at pasir laba camp and there's no difference really.. It's quite madness considering the fact that i just finished my unarmed combat course and managed to pass it... hur hur.. tom i'm going to learn how to perfect my punching technique.. whoa.. I AM THE ONE!! hur hur..
wat i did on my first monday nite out: i met up with miller and we mwent to bishan for dinner. I had this super bad mushroom soup at Mackie's, it was really really bad. Well we talked here and there and it was great really, i;m serious it was great seeing such an old friend like her. We talked about how we were and how school was, and how she's going to migrate to perth.
it's funny that somehow i related to deeply to how she was feeling. Totally lonely and all, it was good i guess. Somehow, the strangest thing is that i could tell that i couldnt somehow find wat i needed in her, or rather its that i'm just totally numb.i hope she's fine really... man miller thanks... hahha its great to find friend in her..
tomlo..:ok knives out..im sleeping tom's going to muddu uniform time hur hur..
