OK true believers.. i am still a vampire! I look very fair now with the lack of afternoon sun and all, Without the use of any wierd products and all!! HOORAY!! Today at home i recorded three kick ass instrumentals with full band drums, bass and guitars shit. One of which was really rockin, so i added nonsensical lyrics to build some melody!! Im going to call it "suit yourself"!! Man oh man.. i sound like william goldsmith now on the drum machines!! How geeky can i get...
today's wierdest comment about how i am and look by someone i know for like four years, but never seen me before is that i look pretty queer and funny with specs. Shit man.. its funny i mean would people who knew me four years ago expect me to look like tay ping hui!! shit.. i dunno she kept avoidin the blardy topic and she ended the comment with something like "we're still friends!!" whoa... i wonder what she was thinking if i hadnt let her see my current pics. God's cruel jokes.. sigh....
oh yeah... ERaSErHEAd's album rocks!! STicker happy is one PLayful as hell album! kinda reminds me abit of cornelius shit tight playing with samples and stuff!! SOmetimes i think i sound like the lead vocalist, ELy!! haha.. sigh.. i really still want to sound like a honk kong version of john lennon or worse comes to worst Sam Hui.. or worse still the lowest of the Hui brothers.. Fugly Hui. At least hot girls like a forty year old Amy Yip would talk to me and not think that i would go for some other hot chick.
Note:Eraserhead's new album to the Hui brothers?!?! how did that connection happen?!?! GOD!!
well today i read marcus' entry and boy oh boy.. its strange that he would write something like that during this time. U know all this time staying up late and really stripping myself of.. or rather getting out of my comfort zone ( wink*** marc).. kinda means something. I dont know how i remember the date.. but the tenth of january is when alot.. everything crashed down on me... and turned everything to a robert smith wet dream. Weird really.. i rememeber that night because it was so stupid and surreal. And looking at it from now. it's like i could die laughin and crying about how i was. The christy chung pics.. orientation '01, the phone call, the macho mac act, the wine, the sobbing, my sis actually being with me at my side while i was digging my eyes out and the never ending fuck you's.
now as i look i feel so much more like an asshole... how i one year i had never actually honored the decision that she made that i also agreed to. I guess love fucks u up, its cruel and kind. I wish i could say sorry to her.. but ive said too many sorries that its so boring, losing its sincerity. (thesaurus anyone??) I guess that tom will be a joyous day for them, i guess kinda like a anniversary for them. ITs like her to turn bad things to good things. i guess ive really fucked it all up this time, but then again ill just keep trying once in a while.
god... i have never had feelings for someone for so long.. tell me God that its funny.
hahahah... ok ok ok.. u run along now.. remember that photo of u i requested from you in new zealand.. i havent looked at it at all ever since you gave it to me... i can remember it...
next issue: Revenge of the killer momentos...... playing in a cinema in you!!!!
I am 55% evil.
I'm getting there. I haven't done all the damage I could do but I've done quite a bit. I'm just over the border into the Evil Zone.
Hello everyone! its 2002!!And it totally sucks that everytime i think about that cheesy hong kong movie with nicholas tze and stephen fung about ghosts and shit.. fuck the trailer made me so want to puke.. 2002 is a cheesy movie.
sorry havent been writing.. im strangely developing this wierd fear to use the internet all of a sudden. I dont know... these few days have been wierd.. im sleeping during the day and awake during the nights. Especially when its so windy and all, in the day, things are much too hot and expensive.
im thinking im looking for a job really. Im really thinking im one screwed up piece of shit.. and never in my life have i ever felt so worthless. HAHAH took that from a alice in chains songbook. BAH! Well i think that im really screwing my mind and body up. BLurring everything in between what i think things are and are not. I guess im excercising control for once in my life.
ill admit that there is a very big hole in my heart, and the one at my ass that's re-filled most of the time (unfortunately due to lack of dietary fibre and all.. u noe.).. i am so traumatized by what i did.. and what ever happened.. maybe i should be named Jabez.. then i can my prayer go..
god just pass all deserved supernatural flavour to me.. like vatican vanilla, christiany chocolate, Mohican mocha.. mohican mocha..
u know someone once said that when someone reads what i write,one cant help but feel that there's something wrong with me. that person was important. "a ribbon is special and a smile is rare... so ill wear a ribbon and a smile so ill be special and rare." U must be thinking what the fuck is that huh.. hahahh. I was just relating how things were to an old fren and she said she doesnt want to hear anymore.. its depressing. Countless times everybody says this whole website is depressing.
i dont noe myself anymore.. hahah.. it just like me, myself and irene (starmovie channel 58 cable), maybe ill get hank to handle all the bullshit. after everything fucked up..
i should put myself away and run.
Sunday, January 6, 2002 05:15 p.m.
there's one day more to 2002, one day left for 2001... Sounds in my hed: Alkaline trio, Sunny day real estate's rising tide, The explosion in the sky, Mineral's power of failing... that is all... and yeah.. i'll admit.. The cranberries' everybody's doing it so why cant we..
ok ok.. hahah.
today i woke up and had this urge to really make up my room for the new year. So i headed down to IKEA to look at stuff, meeting julius along the way after getting his place in SAJC for three months. Went around here and there, GAUD it was a fucking labyrinth there man! piles and piles of meat All stacked up against each other! Saw this totally funky lamp that i so want to get! And cool Flower pots and all... that's IT!! I'll do flower ARRANGEMENT classes !!!hahhahaha
then after which i went to toa payoh for mass and all. Met marcus and saw the photos for the youth park gig.. it was kinda funny u noe. ANd the most funny part was that my hair still looks the same after a hair cut.. damn.. Good thing ive got 2.90 BLEACH!!! Hahahah.. Im goin to look like monkey by the time i reach the army. yeah saw some funny charcters at mass, like pretty eurasian girls.. oh sigh
Just came back from hanging out with more of the shunfu guys and all. MEt this really POSty RAWky guy, Andre. WOW!!
yeah.. i went with julius for dinner at bishan kopitiam, had some shitloads of kueh chap. And his sis marianne kept making fun of my chinese name.... man.. it goes on and on..
the usual void deck talk cock session followed of course lah!! hahah.. with me whackin the shit out of julius' crotch!!! HAHAHA!! ok ok .... juvenile.. tsk tsk. And on and on..
oh yeah.. im trying no to write some crappy thingie about how i fucked up 2001.. but oh well.. maybe tomolo night.. which still has no plans or whatsoever.. for me.. HAHA..
oh well.. ill just shut up now. and stay a victim of my overwhelming anger... and frustration.. at..
Monday, December 31, 2001 02:47 a.m.
Monday, December 31, 2001 02:47 a.m.
breakdown 2002... be prepared always
later on ill be heading for sonic fest to catch pension state and other cool bands for the big man up there.. hahah.. oh well..
i just had a gig at youth park for some afghan refugee thing.. organised by this RGS girl.. im telling ya.. wow..
secondary school girl madness man!!! hahahahah...
girls that are cute that i saw..
1) Pink shorts and red specs girl...
2) dead center acappella girl
3) borders girl
4) Pinky
5) BEatrice chia
ta dah!!! happening man... shit man i dont look twenty at all... fuck fuck fuck.. oh well.. ill be marrying midgets i guess.. ooppsss sorry!! HObbits.. or halflings...
Saturday, December 29, 2001 04:52 p.m.
i dont know...
ive made... im going to break down over the computer because i know i did something wrong. The whole year my approach has not changed me abit. i reject my ex girlfriend the same way i did. i dont know. i guess.
i just read her email. and.. i dont understand what she meant still by changed.. 90 percent of women marry for security. why does everybody think i have no priorities, no dreams in life and all. i bet she doesnt know them even i fi said them. she's right its all so complicated because of who i am.. god i just wanted to lovw. the whole year's worth of emotional damage is coming down at once. all the way from the day one..
im learning to let go. i can only dream ofone day i can talk to mel normally. what the fuck is wrong with us..
the reason why i returned the christmas card is because i want to forget this christmas. the monkey because ....... i reminds me of the past ok... and the comic because is that what u want me to be?? an indie kid and all?? with all that stupid problems with individuality...
i not strong to anyone at all. all in all.. i guess when i think about things like that. i think about when i was in secondary school when i would go mental.
but who .. im trying not to care.
Friday, December 28, 2001 01:49 p.m.
Its my fault.
i guess that i was really wasnt thinking about some things... today after i woke up.. i took the book mel gave me.. it was nick honrsby's hi-fidelity.. yeah. It was then after feeling the book that i realised this was her copy of the book!! After which i just turned to the the first page and there it was.. a handwritten messsage from her.
i guess im feeling very bad about whatever i did that morning, really. Sometimes i think i have to screw it up much more. Being the nice guy i am, i think it hurt her more than it did to me. I will carry this shame with me.
There a few things that i just somehow.. how can i put it.. just came out. If u ever read this mel.. im really sorry.
i shouldve just.. cmon i dont know what to do and at least i tried...
after a day being alone and all. Too much mineral and alkaline trio and all that ploody ploody clarke. I guess mel's given the best present again. i wish that i had made my point clearer.. said things to make it alot more easy to understand. i guess mel never did want to listen at all.... or maybe she did with her heart.
okay... on to nicer things.. hahah.. im in love with the weather totally. And i think everything's going to be fine..... i hope so.. i guess it back to shaun version 2.05.. haahhaha. see u in tekong..
btw i cant track who is visiting this site but only how many have visited.... ok?? anonymous..
Wednesday, December 26, 2001 04:04 p.m.
Merry christmas.. hahhhah.. to mel
well merry christmas and im again me. thanks to the conversation with mel in the morning. i guess no one reads this so ill just write what i can.....
i guess somethings wrong with me, its the curse of everything true and beautiful u know hahha. And it can be seen from the way i write and all..
last night i left her christmas card behind because i think the card wasnt meant to be mine. She doesnot know the sincerity that i though her to know. She doesnt know the true meaning behind songs anymore. She just wants pure practicality. she doesnt believe in anything else except her major mistakes that she made. like running away from me and then she tells me to stop running away from her. Ive always wondered where i get the running away from....hhhah.
and i told her the truth about her boyfriend.. about how she deserved better and that he really looks ah beng man. Afterall i take back my blessings after all, its not worth it. Nothing ive done the whole year has been worth it in her eyes. nothing. so let me tell you, youre not fucking worth anything. She's afraid of being emotional.. hahha..
except to adam of coz, maybe bcoz he's just there. She never ever remained single longer than i have anyway, at least i have and im proud that im not some desperate case.
Obiviously she doesnt see it. Im sad that she's turned out totally like some typical hostel confused and all girl, obiviusly what ever i said this morning was blinded by nothing but all my pent up feelings.
at least today i can say that im feeling better. LAstly thank you mel for saying that u knew that would always keep u in my heart, and no matter how many times u wish id do things your way and not have u there, youre lying mel i know it. U can drown yourself in all your romantic comedies and finding more little hobbie too keep yourself busy with adam and all. And stop acting like a little girl. I was sincere but i didnt get anything in return.. much less your sincerity. i dont hate you. And to make things worse i love you full stop. In all its finality. You go play with your hostel mates and shit. And least i know i didnt compromise.
take care mel. i know you do.
.........................................................
...........................................................
...........MERRY..........christmas>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
Tuesday, December 25, 2001 02:57 p.m.
piss.............
IM fuckin pisss shit drunk.....
jason told me some stuff... yeah its true.. hahhhaha ploddy ploddy clarke clarke.... fuck u... i just puked shit.. man.. there goes my crayfish pasta.. hahhahha... fuck me...
i still love you.....amen.. merry christmas and your boyfriend sucks.....
oh well. today was a pretty eventful day. very eventful. I guess it kinda ended with vicki saying that my website's disgusting.. too depressing and all. Is it because that's how i am, bleak and having a dark sense of humour? I know that no one reads this.. if you are. then i say blessings on you and merry christmas.
today mel accidently called me.. which is not exactly out of the ordinary at all. And i couldnt help but be a lill tad defensive about it. U knoe the u called me okay! GO AND CHECK YOUR CALL REGISTER. its funny how things like that just pierce your synapses and go kaboom.
i guess everybody's sick and tired of me talking about her and all right. whoever my audience is really like no one actually cares now.
well, i guessed i can say in a way after playing for the church today ive got some things resolved. I cant say fully but at least something. I guess i just want her to know that i really love her very deeply. and that its beyond friendship that's why i kept avoiding her. I admit to running away from things. Keeping myself constantly under check emotionally, not to verve away from being "Stable". Which meant constant lying to myself that i never had those feelings. THe reason is that i know that the feelings were too strong and i would not be able to take it, eventually tripping on reality and falling. hahah... all the intellingent dance music, the numbing of the feelings... me and brandon and all. hahah.. i guess this year ive learnt the limits of my feelings. you know.
i really miss her you know. but i guess its reached to a point whereby i quite satisfied to know that she's around some where. I guess true love doesnt wait.. it's there. hahah.. what nonsense. drunken song speak. im not dissing myself off really but its true. i really miss her. i guess ive never actually said this out for sometime. At least now i can accept the fact that i do miss her. I really do accept the fact that i really really miss her the most. And i dont care if i actually see her and dont noe what to do. Because its there. It's it. She's there. I wont put myself down no more.
i believe it aches really.. i wont deny the aches. But its good.. all along i felt that the aches would kill me.. but after this while.. this eventful year.. its kept me alive when i let my guard down without me knowing it. so many times you know. ive come to accept how i feel, and it's about time. i realise how ive been stoning myself.. esp my heart. I guess the heart will listen if you want to. it heard me today.
it will be different from today.
see you tomolo.
Saturday, December 22, 2001 01:04 a.m.
Rage against the rockscene sounDs In my HED:OPETH's Blackwater park, TOOL's undertow, BLINK 182's enema of the state, SMASHING PUMPKINS' JUDAS o, SLEEP's jerusalem, the cranberries' no need to argue and reggie and the full effect's promotional copy..
Today i went to watch LORD of the rings with nat, francis, Imm, herry and brandy. IT WAS GREAT!! i mean imagine all those old fantasies i used to have about living in the dark woods smoking wierd weeds, listening to grateful dead, led zep and other trippy shit bands like the essential "THE WIZARD" by BLACK fuckin SABBATH!! shit man.. and being in the direct middle of some hugh fight between good and evil and able to change the world.. WOW!! yeah.. i remember all those D&D days man. SHIt.. IT all came true, well on the screen only that is, today!! HAHAHA. ANd really eLvish is the sexiest language IN THE WORLD!! any girls who can speak ELVISH PLEASE APPLY !! IM A SINGLE GOOD ALIGNMENT BARD CLASS human WHO LIKES ELVES!!!!!! i bet they smell like nature... growl!!!!
yeah... well today was fine.. packed my room and shit. Went through lots of old stuff really, like all the old papers from my council term. Seems pretty long ago huh.. yeah.. about how how frustrated i was then. I also came across some wierd things in my old full scap pads. Lots of nice old aborted love letters to hahah.. u noe who. Yeah.. i kept writing about how frustrated and stressed i was.. but its funny how i kept saying she's the best thing i ever had and all. They were aborted because of either bad handwriting or total sloppiness and cheesiness haha but they were down right sincere man!!.... i guess they were written in between class periods, lunch breaks, lonely mornings, meetings. hahhaha... i did wonder what will happen if i actually gave them, i dont know.. i just tucked them somewhere.
some where on my kazaa.. SOnic youth's SUPERSTAR cover is playing
well this brings up to the end of another day. Another attempt to quite smoking, to decipher tool lyrics, to discover new bands (OPETH FUCKING ROCKS!!), relive old times ( Old letters), old worlds (middle earth..) and to breathe. god i think i need to pierce my ear.. hahahah.. i need to look funny.
"sing it onto sweet uncertainty"
-Jimmy eat world's "SWEETNESS"..
Friday, December 21, 2001 02:37 a.m.
ALL i want is a WOOKie for X'mas SoundS in My HED:BLink 182 Enema of the state (ROCKING!!), TOOL's UNDERTOW , TAPROOT's GIFT, SMASHING PUMPKIN's SIAMESE DREAM, SOUNDGARDEN's BADMOTORFINGER (CLASSIC!!! FUCK SUPERUNKNOWN!!) and DO AS INFINITY's DEEP FOREST.....
well, so far ive had my hair cut to look like some over worked japanese salaryman which is kinda perfect and all HAHA!! anyway, im planning to get my ear pierced soon.. maybe on saturday or something. Got my hair dyed but didnt come out so obivious lor.. fuck shit... but never mind can do again!!
well i been basically just slacking around and im giving alot of things second chances now. FOr example the youth group and all, ive decided to play for this friday's sessions. I guess if the HS yg just see how protestant YG work things would be alot better.. really. WEll there's only so much ah can do.
well yesterday i kinda told someone a bulk of my probs and it felt kinda good, i mean to just release some of that shit that's been piling up and all. One of my mom's friends, yeah he started talking to me after my mom had to leave for RCIA and all. I guess only so much had being done, but it was something.
i guess things will be fine. TOday NAtalie asked me out to watch the lord of the rings at plaza singapura, yeah wierd that she would think of doing so and calling me. Time after time. i guess. Hit the rooms. its time to pack the room. and throw out.
item of the year: Undercover.. Ntu jcrc play programme and ticket. (!!!!!?!??!!?!!?)
Thursday, December 20, 2001 02:06 p.m.
CHoke choke choke choke... soon enough i noe ill swallow.. sOundz in my hed:TOOL's AEnima, Mudvayne's ld.50, Cold's 13 ways to bleed on stage, RAdiohead ok computer, taproot's Gift, Muse's Origin of symmetry and the all almighty Jeff buckley's live at the sin-e.......
yeah yeah.. well today i went for confession.. there was this new shitty way of doing the confession. Where it was done like communion, easier cleaner.. and.. something else. oh well, all i can say is that its better in a way if not why they cahnged it right. wow.. ADEMA rocks.... that space age shit...
anyway... its quite funny why im bullshitting myself with shitloads of all this Nu metal shit.. i mean these fucks actually had solid foundations in rock and roll. Mainly Alice in chains, Tool, Soundgarden, Faith no more and pantera... and all the cool metal bands we worshipped BAck then during SEcondary school.. hahah.. well i guess that doesnt justify that eh. Anyway, Mudvayne's good.. although at first listen it sounded like FUCK typical shite.. but after a few listens (which was wierd coz nu metal albums lack a certain depth) it started to come together u noe. I guess its pop music for the emotionally seriously fucked up that's under ..... i dont know really.. i guess its just all the marketing shit...
one good band that i've come to love better is definately TAPROOT and COLD.. im telling yah .. the latter isnt as good.. but i love the whole goth feel and the sludgy kim thayil derived licks and shit.. And the Former TAproot... WOW!! FUcking shit. Like faith no more plus AIC, which is a superb combi. Layne staley and mike patton. fuck.
okok ok ok... im okay these few days.. but had a few over emotional experiences these days.. too tired to relate them.. but really really intense. And the search for the cure for the emotional FLu.. is still on. Anf my mantra goes on.. FUck my heart.,.. fuck my heart.. fuck my heart.. bear grudges to make it all go away... piss people off... to make it all go........ haahahhaha,.. sounds so juvenile huh... is that shaun talking or shaun talking...
see u soon ..........
Wednesday, December 19, 2001 01:19 a.m.
IM back..... mother and father. sounds in my head: TOol's AEnima, Tool disc, Mudvayne ld.50, Cold's self titled and 13 ways to bleed on stage plus guilty pleasure single of the month ... staind's home... SORRY!
hi hih!! sorry.. it's been awhile since ive updated this page and all.. had to have some time out.. u know. I guess alot has happened since i actually updated this page. Yeah one thing is this sudden interest in 90's alt-metal derived nu-metal stuff.. ok ok .. dont worry non of that rap metal stuff, but that alice in chains/ tool type of depth undernourished goth head bang and all. hahah.
oh well, ive been playing gigs these days and its been kinda fun and all. hahah got into that rock star thing and all but i still feel something's amiss. I guess the thing i realised after this time practising and giging is that im kinda gothy type of person. Hmm.. Not all that anne rice horse shit and all.i dont noe..
went out with chen, terrance, sean, brandon and some gurl.. yeah. I have to say it was pretty wierd that the gurl said that i was fierce when i spent all the time at the coffee shop in the middle of the Market place as Bugis jokin my head off. Plus the ever fun fun fountain place at bugis provided the most fun when this kid put this crotch and ass over on of the squirts cleaning his ass, plus a good colon scrub. tsk tsk.. brandon's jaw hangs loose.. young nubile kids with wet t-shirts.. everyone's a strange closet paedophile..
went for a chalet with the guys in the neighbourhood. it was fun and all. AND alot of things HAPPENED that night.. im not jokin.. it was A REAL EXPERIENCE.. and i did some really respectable thing that night.. i wish i could share it with someone though...
anyway.. gtg.. staind's Outside is on. Aaron lewis and me?? hahah.. yeah right the band sucks actually ya noe. but something just keep getting me back to checkin the band out.. might get breaking the cycle.i guess the reason im getting all nice and bleak and nihilistic is because of something that happened that i really would like to talk about.. but i just can't.. god i really miss talking to that person.. i really want to.. ok ok ok .. im gone.
Sunday, December 16, 2001 02:38 a.m.
ITchy COUGH!!!!! sounDz In My HEd: NERVOUSNESS!!! Hahaha. okay okay.. Neu! 75 and 1... elliot smith's XO.. Bump of chicken!!... Rotten apples by the SMASHING PUMPKINS..
ok ok o oko ok im very very very veryvery mrevous about tomolo's gig.. man.. its the biggest GIG that i HAvE ever played AT!!! STASIS FOUR!!!!! AARRARHGHRHGR...
anyway today i went tfor the kids confirmation mass and.. wow...hhahha.. and i went out with trina chan at the newly stocked chio bu place.. THE BRAND NEW THOMSON PLAZA!!!!! HAHAHAHAHA WOWWOWOWO!!!!
and yeah some revelations about my emotions that i have kept in... the funny thing is that today i met my ex gf.. my old crush.. and on the mrt i smelled some thing that smelled like ... yeah.. wierd huh?? i kinda got emotional and put on disarm by the pumpkins.. i kept asking god why in the world did he have to put all these funny things in my mind and .. yeah around me.. if he wants me to just forget her and TO FUCK OFF!! then why the hell?? why??
ok ok ok ok ok..... its all up to me.. am i thinkin what you're thinkin HAHAH!!
tomolo.. cheesy song by shaun...hahah sung in an overemotional way.... fuck.... see u at stasis 4....
bye bye..
Sunday, December 9, 2001 12:01 a.m.
DEgenerATE Be generate..
Okay... sounds in my hed: Neu! '75 and 1... SMashing pumpkins' Judas O, Dinosaur Jr. Feel the pain, CAn's Tago magoo, Blink 182's Enema of the state and Assorted Melt banana..
okay.. im sorry if u guys have been coming and kinda checked this site out and found no new entries. Ive been busy playing pool.. (well learning that is.. im determined to play a proper game at least before i enter the army> practising for and playing gigs. U can check out the pics on the Chocolate Tiger website.. YEah.. just click and GO!! hahah..
yeah ive been feeling pretty sick these days.. for example i just had a big fever the other day.. and i think im coming down with a fucking Sore throat and all. Plus tomolo ive got a RaDIo Interview on PASSION 99.5! Cool HUH! im goin to be a rock star and all those people who actually read this will see the rise and god forbid fall of a death rock boy!
BTw im totally nuts over Harry potter!!HAHAH
okay.. ive got to go and sleep now.. and .. yeah.. im still single HAHAHAHAHA.. FUCK OFF NOW!!!!!!! okay ...sorry. about that.. how's that for responsibility...
I S W K U I M H N M W, B D W, I R C L A. I W R, H Y U.
Wednesday, December 5, 2001 02:54 a.m.
i am keeping alot in still....
okay.. i havent been updating this page for some time now.. this is because ive been busy practising for the gigs i have lined up for my band.. yeah check out the links page for the website..
i am very very very very very very ver yve ryevr yevryevryevrveyrevevrvevyr emotional now.. why??
because i said some things to people i shouldnt have u know why?? because everything in life except money, GOOD BackGrounds and CLiques and more FUCKING DEMOGRAPHIC FAULT LINES!!! Yeah its SO HAPPY TO DO THAT RIgHT!!
im Just FAnatasizing all the FUN i can have on GENERAL HOSPITAL AND FRIENDS BINGES!!!! ITS SO GREAT RIGHT!!
I BET all you people in the youth group reading this might think im some fuckin CRazy rite.. after all i hung out with imm!! let's be goddamm frank lah.. Im so willing to serve but yeah in like major inner conflicts in myself..
well im sorry for you.. im sorry for what ive done.. MOST of all im sorry for myself.. YEAH..
ITS SO FUN keeping ALL YOUR FEELINGS IN u NOE HAHAH!!
I COuld die from all this happiness u noe..
last night,my dad brought back for my paul baloche's new album... and.. for the first time IN FUCKING EIGHT MONTHS!!
I CRIED FOR SOME BORING REASONS!! B O R I N G!!!!! FOR CHrissakes.... even after miller I DIDNT FUCKin CRY!!! hahahaha IM SO STRONG@!!! ill be so MAN enough FOR ANY fuckin AFFAIR NEXT!! AHHAHAHAHAH.........
THE TRUTH:i just want somebody to listen to me.. and i wouldnt mind tellin that someone. Even as i write all this irresponsible Hunk of shit. I bet u all know im keeping something.. I keep telling my self its boring. I cant help it if i know who i can talk to. i just cant speak openly. Im very very very very veryve very evry very very veryve rveyrvey very very very evry evryevryevr frustrated..
but as ive said its all very very very very veryveyrveyrve boring i guess..
"I'm Happy... but im not equipped to be.."
-----ALLY McBeal--------------*******************
