Meantime... last song for everyone's simplyred's fairground~!!!!
HAHahaHahHAHHAHAHAa i SO EXCITED!!! LAST BOY's SCHOOL!!!!
AHHAhAHAhaHHAhaHAHAHAAHHAhaHAAHHAHAHA
Friday, April 5, 2002 12:18 p.m.
GOODBYE AND FAREWELL!! sounds In Ma' HEad: CRreed's weathered, CAndlebox, Puddle of mudd's BLurry, Liz phair, Bif Naked's Lucky and my fave smashing pumpkinsongs...
Oh kay.. tomolo im going. Going to serve NS and today i dont want to do anything at all. I just want to prepare my self mentally, u noe go up to some mountaintop and do some funky tai chee shite to be whole. SIgh.. if only things were easier like those jackie chan movies. Oh btw, u guys if you're pretty bored can start your own Stephen Chow Vcd collection!! yes yes!! YOU TOO!! Yeah poh kim vcd stores in singapore now stock most of stephen chow's classic movies! INcluding the early im very serious cop story ones! AMAZIN!!
Hang out with at me thomson plaza guys.. hhahah. if u read this... man im feeling a lill sad. I tot a few days ago its because im going to be missing out alot and all, but really its because i just had to do something nice and all. Yeah.... something really better than porn and u noe savouring the last few days of wankdom... :-).. i guess i change alot when i enter the army so's here me before the army really. man..
now to slag some people and boy do i feel very pissed still especially some peopl who are close to me. OKay i wont lah.. ill just say that i guess u all are having exams and all that's why u dont give a damn about me. Just want to say that it meant something lah..
Thanks to brandon, chen, sean, terrance, kel, kla and muthu a. samy and his brother govindar who lives at block 303 who are my great friends.. Govindar.. u take care love.. yeah..
i really dunno what to say... but lyraine Hur hur... u are a smile girl.
man im tired just woke up cannot write much but ill leave u with my inspiration for my time in the army......
Thursday, April 4, 2002 02:46 p.m.
tired and underfed Sounds in my head: Filter's title of record, The chemical brother's come with us, Neu's '75 and self titled, Cornelius's Fatasma, nine inch nails' pretty hate machine and FAye wong......
fuck... im going in on friday.. army. Its alittle wierd that events are start to happen in the days before i go in and all. Really funny. Bought Daniel clowes' Caricature the new edition which strangely is printed in singapore. Oh yeah read it finish already, and its profoundly beautiful.
its pretty funny how things have turned to such a way that i feel that army's going to be wierder than i think it will be. Will i turn out okay? yeah i really think so, after all this week, i think that i seriuosly dont regret all the shit in secondary school really. let alone regret myself at all. me and bran have more or less, unmistakenly feel that we have become well adjusted people actually. Sadly in return i have found another problem that i have and its not going to take me down. I wont say it but hur hur...
im pretty tired now cause i waited my dad to be over with the com before i could do this. And lyraine had this theory that the reason why my dad's trying to stop me from using the com's coz he doesnt want me to touch any undesired material on the net before i enter total celibacy in the army (like i was going to get any at all then). yeah... u are sick lyraine hur hur hur..
after so long i kinda see so many things and its kinda all happening at once now and... i dont noe... i just want to go army really and start things again. Be a nice person. Sigh... i really wish that someone could just hold me and tell me that everything's going to be alright, preferbly a girl and all, and nibble my lips playfully. Not that im an outward despo fuck now and all but its all pretty simple i believe.
i guess im already beginnin to see what's important to me, and what i love the most really. Its all kinda out of reach but ill make it some how. I promise u ill make it.
"reality is a meaningless consensus"
Wednesday, April 3, 2002 03:55 a.m.
Nervous. Neural Patch enabled. Sounds in Ma head: Frontlineassembly, Ministry, Nine inch nails' PHM, Filter's title of record, front 242, THE CHEMICAL BROTHERs' FUCKING ASS KICKING ALBUM COME WITH US and various EBM.....
sorry about the late response and all, been kicking myself around. yeah done with the drinking thing and all before i go in and all that shit. It was not very fun. things are getting very very, not what they seem to be anymore really.
hahhaha, kelvin's in a quite a state. Seriously im very very worried for him, because i keep thinking that's how i may be the next time round. Im seriously very very worried. Unfortunately it still holds true that i cant do much for him, not as much as he can do for himself that is..
yeah erm.. i had a beautiful time at sentosa. Bran wished u were there.. yeah.. and all my other close friends who couldnt be there or WHERE TOO FUCKING FUCKED UP TO BE GODDAM BOTHERED TO EVEN FUCKING SEND ME A GODDAMM RING TO ME FOR THREE FUCKING MONTHS!!!!!!! FUCK ALLL OF YOU! really.. got myself a tan and all hahahha... i think i look quite nice and all esp. with my niceyty hair and all.
sorry.. im really very pissed at some fuckers again. Using people to look good and all... all these contrived bastards.. i bet on saturday in the NR 1 u guys tot i was sleeping.. well i was and crying... hur hur.. then i bECOME SUPER HAPPY Again.
i went for easter mass and it was so disappointing... the message was there... im so fed up really.. i need to talk to someone really.. hur hur... but still.. ill just shut up...... somehow it goes away... hope u fuckers too ...
i screwed this up...
I just wrote the most beautiful entry in my life and i accidently deleted it... fuck.. and i ... shit man.. fuck.. fuck fuck fuck fuck. this spoilt my whole day...
fuck.. why... shit shit shit.. iwas so nice.
btw im fine.. and i cant write anymore dry. So for those who hate my long writing.. you're lucky today. har har..
shit shit shit..
anyway all the best to all those doing their exams soon..
marc, clement, hendri, lyraine and merli plus the whole mus nut posse... love u guys..
some stupid quiz i did... MARC AND BRANDON DONT SAY ANYTHING ABOUT THE JOHN CUSAK ONE!!
Which John Cusack Are You?
driving is totally redundant in singapore serious..... Sounds in Ma' Hed: Nine inch nails' All that could have been & still e.p. & pretty hate machine, Wild at heart and the lost highway OSTs, Joni mitchell's blue, Marilynb manson's antichrist superstar and the jayhawk's tommorrow the green grass with stupid cheesy lyrics.
man im totally tired.. one day can have time for more and more warped events that can totally screw your brainsout really. I just came back from dinner with my ex-gf... wait its stupid.. friend is a better term lah... must be politically correct nowadays hor. Yeah totally freaked out by the way she drove and all serious!! SCary man.. its like drivers after awhlie get totally complacent and all, start speeding and freaking everytime something shits get in their way to a RIDE!!! har ahra.. well im safe at home.. har har..
well today went to Ngee ann to check out the final mix on kel's and fran's final year specialist and all. Sounded good really, but u noe rush jobs and shit.. yeah.. mistakes and all. Overall its was good lah.. had that drive and all so no worries.. it kinda ROCKED!!hahaha..
well yesterday or rather, this morning.. i had one of the weirdest experiences that i so want to write out, cause its so drama, but i cant.. HOH OHOHO. Well, after last night i came to conclusion that i will never get married and that love is illusion. That i will never ever fall deeply in love with someone else.. har har.. unless someone wants to prove me wrong lah.. sigh.. har har.. really.. after last night i seriously think that im totally numb to watching movies other than jimmy neutron or ica age. Yeah ok ok, and old movies.. shit man.. machum john hughes.. not the 80's one..
sigh... slowly im really losing my interest in alot of things really... music sucks.. movies sucks... books except edgar allan poe's stuff.. suck.. ok ok.. red sky at morning is still the most beautiful book ever written.. *sob*. Ive grown so goddam cynical, but hey who isnt, at least im being normal now. Har har.. yes yes stressed about the army and all.. really.. the truth i think so far is really good bible sharings and mambo nights at zouk.. full stop.. whoops.. and.. jamming?? im all cocked and empty man..
btw go get the new nin live album, it made me cry cause it reminded me so much of teenie weepy years. hahhah, yeah just listening to hurt after four years just sends a shiver everywhere and all.. yeah like real i cried har har..
the people person i truly really totally love arent around, no one cares cept for mom dad and nice friends. im just tired from this stupid world and it sucks more that what u love most in this world doesnt want u. What a wonderful world.. with that reedy smoked voice.. torn.. yeah joey ramone covered that song. ITs universal.. sigh sigh.. oh btw the honk kong girl alana's fren is coming over to spore during the weekend and all.. hahhah..
im very very very very confused and sad. dont worry im taking each step and taking care 24/7.. empty.
Tuesday, March 26, 2002 11:36 p.m.
tit for tat.. tit for tat Sounds in my fucking head: Nothing but shit shti shit hsiths ithishtsithsi and the whispers of screams from somewhere inside..
I AM SO INCERDIBLY ANGSTY TODAY! one wonders why, ok.. if i start diggin out my marilyn manson albums then one wonders. SHIT I AM SO ANGSTY!!! its either because im so craving so much for NIN's live album and Still ep or because of what happened...
Sorry Lyraine after u left i became super uber angsty dunno why!! Shit man.. fuck.. im not an emo kid.. im an AngSTY BOy!! har harz.. im dead serious..
i guess it all started with my super medicine induced deep sleep with led me into my inner psyche of ashtrays and broken promises. I dreamt that i cracked in army really, (i just killed an ant on my leg btw.. GGgggGrrrGRG) i started u noe cracking and losing control of everything. I dunno... i just think im snappin really.. might be because of the stupid cold medicine that gives me my super uber wild mood swings.
way before ive been playing mahjong and i guess that it had a very profound effect on me, besides the heavy thinking and all really. Man oh man.. growl.. and i dont noe.. shit.. and yeah it was very fun being sick at mass durong the super long gospel reading about jesus being persecuted and led to pontius pilate. Before that i saw mel and wanted to talk to her.. yea yeah.. i noe i noe.. but i just wanted to talk u noe say hi or something u noe. I guess its all because of me being sick, see i was too sick to stay on the whole mass. I had my stupid fucking usual cold and bad sinus and shit, my head will start to crack up and all. mSHit man what the fuck is wrong!!! I left half way and all and kept thinking about things and all
Shit man.. i only have a week plus to army enlistment. I keep thinking im going to end up gay and all. I really dont need anyone to talk to really, i need a break from all this social politics that i keep thinkin im the only one who's actually seeing all this Bullshit. ITs so CONTRIVED... The saving thing about the week was the jam wiht Skyturnsgray really.. man that one rocked even though we did one song..
man and i kept thinkin about that stupid movie a beautiful mind.. shit.. Have u ever had the feeling that ur so full of love and that u can almost explode with love and love and love all scattered. I felt that last night, i was so satisfied... i took out bjork's vespertine and kept on with the feeling. It was so beautiful.. i felt so in love with myself being so in love with you. It was great.it was beauty behind my eyes in my mind and heart. After a while when i hit aurora, it was just my heart, the throbbing was in my head. It was so overwhelming, all the love or whatever, then i tot i was going to tear. I slept fell asleep and then it all came down ugly worst than a tool vid.
sigh..... im never going to actually love that's what i suppose. Im too pissed scared to fall in love again, and dont give me that crap about finding the right one who's understanding. Its extremely crippling. Im happy that i love being single and not commited apparently. God... im okay.. just fine. just too much anxieties that i left alone because i procrastinated. well that's the main cause for all my fuck ups.. so wont i fuck up.. i guess once again ive failed even without me knowing it. ( lovesong by Jack off Jill go check out.. sob) Well we could all do other things that are more "important" and fuck up so that we wont even remember the traces of the real fuck up that we'll live thru.
sob.. im okay.. i dont know what im looking for... as one says.. true love is spoiled by the randomless pursuits of happiness by either partners.. spoiled is an understatement.. broken's a better word (excuse the NIN pun bran and lyraine). fuck if this is all about just girls and shit im telling u today that this s not the case. The sequence of events during the week cannot be read, but the profound effects can neither be ignored. its just like christmas 2001 again, comes crashing down and im telling myself its okay.. its okay.. that's life.. that's what people go thru all the time..
tonight ill cuddle to my lullaby in the form of sarah maclachlan's wistful voice in the cool reins of sleep's abandonment. Ill hold my hands to my heart here on earth and lift my heavy soul to love in heaven, leaving my mind somewher else. In my hands ill hold something no less than a simple promise that i have yet to give. No more soggy tissues in my pockets but coins and keys. hmmm.. lyraine just icqed me.. i guess i take my leave and realised that once agin i write too much for a person like me. Sloppy and 10 kgs underweight... i really wish i could love u more than i did, sorry i didnt.
"we'll fast forward to a few years later, And no one knows excpet the both of us
id have honored your request for slience
and u've washed your hands clean of this"
-alanis morissitte's hands clean
Horray... dont read into this.. its a cheesy song duh.
Sleepy daze.. Sounds in ma hed:alice in chains' self titled, Soundgarden's badmotorfinger and other nice nice nice ncie ncie ncein cei Classic cassettes.. (i still have them btw!!)
ICq message..
jacky: i 'm china
bonsaimanu: YOURE CHINA!!!!!!!! go and check your grammar..
jacky: shit
jacky: fuch you
bonsaimanu: Come ON!!!!!!! u just SAid im CHINA!! im just politely telling u to check your grammar...... OK!!!!
bonsaimanu: and u told me to fuch off??
jacky: son of bich .²ÙÄãÂè-
bonsaimanu: Wang ba dan!?!?!
bonsaimanu: ITS Fuck you,,'
Son of a bitch...
jacky: ¸ÉÄãÂè
YEA YEA it sums it all up.. im really so emo because why are these china guys and gals so irritating... ive been added to so many china icqs and all.. ANd they ask the same questions time and time again.. WHere u from.. what u do.. and ALL THAT STUFF!!! GOD!!!!!! sigh.. its too much for me!!
I mean i care for them yet i dont noe what to do. Its too much really... like this nice person i started getting a lill angry.. because of how she started the conversation..
sea: speak
sea: quickly
sea: hurry
bonsaimanu: SpeaK???
bonsaimanu: WAT?!?!??
sea: yes
sea: what?
sea: where are you?
bonsaimanu: OK... i noe that youre chinese and that u are asking very wierd questions and adding me to your database of icq
its a guyt btw... sigh sigh sigh.. this aside ill be going to play mahjong!!! YEAH!!! FATT CHOY SPIRIT's IN ME!! har har... yes and yes time is running out..ill be in the army soon man oh man.
today was quite boring really.. i mean i was just literally sleeping the whole time.. listening the helmet and Alice in chains. It totally reminded me of school days u noe, being all sweaty and all and listening to Helmet on my tape player.. har har. Yea its really rocking. Chiong Soh was at my place too, filming some last scenes for serene's short. Suppose to watch a movie with a girl which i kinda turned down thinking that i would be doing alot today.. but thanks to the stupid handphone.. which is a first batch 8310.. IT BROKE DOWN!! no one could contact me and vice versa. Shit man that's how depedent i am on the phone man.
yeah yesterday's jamming with joe, chen and NaTE!! har har.. was really great. WE covered stuff, which i had not done in a long time in aband.. we covered foo fighters, nirvana. And the guys were totally raving about my cobain vox impersonation thingie during Aneurysm har har. Yeah! its was great really.. and i tried out one of my songs.
OKay and they kept calling pat smear because i mean, uve got taylor hawkins, chen as dave grohl, nate mendal as nate mendal and... yeah.. they said i wasnt cool enuff to be the no use for a name guitarist.. so tadah.. conclucion drawn.. PAT SMEAR!! THE MOST INFEMMINATE PUNKRAWK GUITARIST!! har har.. oh well.. if cant beat them. then.. yeah lor.. join them.
oh well.. i cant take it.. i out my icq on away. YEah i feel so bad now really..i really cant talk to them. i just dont understand. sigh..
take care ar.. ho hoh ohoho.. have to start on my army clean up...
Thursday, March 21, 2002 07:27 p.m.
Chocolate strawberry curses...... Sounds in my head: FAith no more's The real thing, TRapT( hot unsigned band!! get mp3's from audiogalaxy!!), ride's nowhere, jesus and mary chain's Automatic and Honey's dead plus New Order's Lowlife (PERFECTKiss@@@!!)
hey hey... sorry about the long break and all, i was feeling really tired these few days and all. yeah been jogging and all, but i kinda decided to take these two days off lor. Yeah rock on mama paula abdul, Had lots of shit happening these few days really. U wouldnt imagine!!
just yesterday, went to lido to catch a beautiful mind. I went with well... Kel, Cla, Bran and Chen. YEah it was great but the only reason why i wanted to watch it was because of Jennifer connelly. Oh.. remember labyrinth.. she's so beautiful man.. with those eighties brooke shieldlian eye brows and all.. Hhahha. Oh well, i wasnt too keen on Russel crowe's acting btw, the same old gladiator type shit i expected. All in all, the movie was great, backed by a heavily themed soundtrack by James Horner of titanic, and Jennifer connelly's surprising great ACting the show was really well... nice. There are some times in the show where alicia tries to help Nash out of his schizo state and it reminded me of myself. Why did she hold on?
oh bother its stuff like this that piles up on the back sof our skulls and all. Later on ill be jamming with chen and joe. yeah should be great hhahaha, be at novena there. Maybe we gonna hit some ermm.. foo fighters stuff, or maybe sunny days.. Its funny how last night i kept laffing at chen's stupid Stephen chow impersonation really.. its funny how i was so off the last few days.. its funny how i would get an erection when im totally nervous... its funny how my hair would look better with sweat and all.. its funny how little time i have till army... its funny how...
btw its been nice talking to u over the icq... ill be a lill direct.. excuse me.. hope to talk to u b4 i go in.. and dont worry.... roses and pleated handkerchiefs i place in your letter box.. tu lu DO!!
AND GuESS WHAT!!! IM DANDYWARHOL's BASSIST!!! ZIA MAcCABE!!!
EVERYDAY SHOULD BE A HOLIDAY!!!!!!!!!!!!! YAY!!
Wednesday, March 20, 2002 01:52 p.m.
No less no more.. my feet are very sore.. sounds in my head: Underrated album of the month... The Eel's electro shock blues, Sarah Maclachan and various various new found glory and radiohead.
Ok.. i wont say much cept that im fine. hahha, just went for recording just noe at ngee ann poly, working on kel's and fran's specialist project. It was fun really, cept that i notice i wasnt very serious and all, i guess i was tired from the morning run where i pushed myself abit more. yeah, the music was courtesy of the "tiger brothers" hahhah.. yeah marc and me. with marc on bass and slide guit.Felicia the singer couldnt make it because she had a bad fever and all. sigh everyone's getting really sick, just like marc who kept zhaoing the bass lines because he's sick and all. Well it was fun esp when we did the nonsense U2 guitarre lines and all. It was a good session really, rocked and rocked.
By the way, last night my sister's best friend who was away in cairns for the last 2 years plus came back to singapore. Yeah its pretty funny because my best friend's named Brandon and her's Brenda. Hahah bran and bren. Funny.. okay Smile.. Its not very funny!!( chen chen chen :-) Yeah, brenda came over straight after her flight and all, to catch my sister's b-day. Girl friends and all. sigh.. hhaha. They went later on to Orange and got picked up by scary pimpled Army men. God.. wat is wrong.I had a nice chat with bren after they came back to my place after the party and all. And she asked me a really funny question (u noe what i mean by funny lah! haha) Is it a hormone imbalance that keeps this teeny angst around, and that it will go away( i shy from using the exact words which included "depression" abit over used lah.). I told her that its not, its something that will always be there, and you've got to learn how to get around it. Its not some disease or pimple that will go away. Its more like pubic hair (excuse the metaphors.. couldnt think of anything else..), its there and u feel wierd with this bush growing of your crotch! Its dark, its messy, ITS UGLY!! ITS Change in it purest form!!sorry carried away, but u live with it i guess. I think i am not in the right position to discuss the whole thing and humans and their pubic hair. excuse me please hahah, at least i tried..
well its was really nice talking to bren and all, its really nice ;-> if u noe wat i mean hahah! yeah its nice to see her again really. Its that things with girls that u love really , when u dont see them for a while, u see or rather u feel this unexplainable air around them. I was discussing with clarene this morning about the strangeness of people who are just so simply pleasant and all. Like monks and nuns ( ok those in CJC and IJ tp may object but c'mon in general). I guess that's something that i felt and all when i saw bren, its more than the u noe, after a trip smell and all. I remember the last time i felt something like that really, ahhh.. shant bring it up. I take the words of AJ in Empire records when he was up in the roof figuring out how he would tell Corey he liked her. "u noe that fresh feeling, after u've taken a bath, u make me feel like that!". After which he would shrug off that line, saying that its stupid to tell a girl that corey made him feel like a bath or a bath tub. Seriously, i guess just be saying that meant that he understood the feelings he had for corey better than anyone, but in u noe wierd terms and all. The relation he made to simple everyday "feelings" and all makes a greater impact. Its that feeling of being satisfied with yourself, with your surroundings and all.
but why then does he need corey so much?? Imagine getting that feeling all the time.. the whole day. Not that im saying that ud get the same bath room freshness if you bathe every hour!! There are alot of other factors to an actually fresh bathe experience. oh shit.. i think i lost my train of though. oh well... this is what happens when u smoke too much.. hahha.. feel free to erm... extend this topic.. please.. hahha..
sorry, hope i didnt bore u. Sigh, sometimes i wonder really. today i found out alot of stuff that's happening and all. Im not thinking alot of love and all, boyfriends and girlfriends and all, but rather something else. I just need to manja someone i guess hahhaha, oh that sounded very very sluttish. ill be going in very soon, and im not asking for sex and all. But in the eternal falsetto of Freddie mercury whom got alot more than he asked for in this song.. "somebody to love". eeewww... wrong song lyric to quote..shit..
oh well.. tally ho and ill see u some other time. Had very very evil tots of things. Wish could tell u and all.. see ya!!!!
Friday, March 15, 2002 03:16 a.m.
drown drown in drown drown drown drown drown dROWN. sounds in my head: Sarach maclachlan's Surfacing, Shallow's various ( go d/l Falling please), Stabbing westward's cover of Bizarre love triangle on Not another teen movie OST and thursday's full collapse.
oh god.. i guess the a level results has taken a great toll on me. I mean, i cant tell anyone what my super secret agenda is. Its like all of a sudden u realise that uve been going nowhere and u end up in hell and you're all alone. Just like lyraine's plain blue biro :-) .... oh well. it really sucks really.
yesterday i kinda broke down in my room. i dont know what to say really. Except that i feel so bare now, and so alone. I kinda wish i was still at my toys and ultra pentium 9 imagination and all this can go away. Like how great positive thinkers like u-noe-who is like. I was in this wierd lotus pose and i just.. i dont noe.. i just feel so incredibly vunerable emotionally after last night. To think that i spend the rest of the night playing medal of honour (Highly RECCommeNDed!!).
i seriously dont remember at all the events that lead up to this really. i dont noe, i applied for nus arts soci and ntu comm stud. , somehow i think people know where im thinking at. im okay really. Ramble ramble on. I can keep saying alll i want because from the first word they read in the entry they know that im just rambling on and on.
she's out from the youthgrp's mailing list. yeah.. she's quit just as i thought. its funny how i suddenly look at the people in the list just today. well... im very tired of living myself really. About all the pro life club med one liners.. its what i missed.. but that's not the reason why.
im very sorry marc..
Wednesday, March 13, 2002 04:54 p.m.
Yawn!!! aiyah... another monday less.. Sounds in my head: Creed's My sacrifice(c'mon its a really great song wat!), Drowningman various, Thurday's full collapse, The benjamins, Joni mithchell's blue and f**k you song of the day... Son of a gun by janet jackson and missy elliot on her album all for you. So u think this song's about u. Watch the video for the full effect!
Yawn just woke up, yes another stay-in bed time. Funny, my stomach feels damn wierd. Well, im quite buffed after todays refreshing run thru bishan park again. Wow, im telling you the air in the morning is so much different, it actually breathes into u. Well i went chen and cla-cla it was totally good but i really think that on should get some proper sleep before even going on a run, coz i think the totally number of hours of sleep we got has to be less then 5.
Oh yeah about the rock star collective gig we played! Yeah i guess we rocked really cept for some u noe, mistakes in timing here and there and yeah. I really liked the atmostphere though, man but i was kinda kinda a lill hoping that the audience would rock out more to plain sunset's set!
Man those guys are freakingly tight and always always so... sigh.. Anyway's the first band that played was this nice nice mersey beatish britpop band called seven sundays. I felt it was refreshing to see a band like them play complete with the anoraks and the hair whoa.. u could pick out the liam gallagher, gem archer and andy bell in the band. The songs were great but too much of that oasis covers shite, some might say and rock and roll star? REally i loved this one original that totally was so RIde and all.. sigh but the guitars were too soft and the FlanGER's RUBBISH!!! SAY no to delay YEs to reverb!!
okay.. i was totally in super duper love with this one girl in the audience really sigh.. i wish i had guts to like say "hi! me shaun! you (fill in the blanks)!" man oh man.. but the thing is that i dont even noe her at all! while CT was playing she was still standing and her other friends were all seated, but seriously when i think about it again, she was looking at marcus and not me. Fuck.. oh well.. i guess its that x-factor that national service gives you. Oh by the way im still totally single and available thru email. wah lau, i really love the rock star guys really, i totally am in awe of farizwan and co. really. The party vibe was there all the time during the other bands, but when it came to CT and the rest besides plain sunset, most of them didnt quite give a damn. yeah life sucks. but man that girl i have to find her! she's totally IT!! ermm... scary right.. ok ok i will stop swinging my arms in the air.
will be recording some stuff with marc for kel's specailist project. Marc's playing bass and ill be on guitar, plus this super gingerbakermitchmichelljohnbonham drummer Jason that we met. Gaud... he rocks.. all the phlams... oh yeah marc and me are supposed to be the tiger brothers.. hahah.. sounds damn so gay so wrong.
sigh.. yesterday at mass, i kinda figured out something really. Its funny really how suddenly when you're a tad bit stronger and then u realise that uve been bluffing yourself and all. Its wierd really. I guess for the better now. : )..
boy boy.... i totally am okay.. especially now that im goin to have to ready myself for something that's coming soon.
i sincerely totally miss u. i dont think u meant what u said sometimes.
and i write too much for an online diary.. hahahah eat shit!!
Monday, March 11, 2002 02:32 p.m.
Moping times Sounds in Ma' Hed: THe benjamins' various, thurday's various, AFI's various, Dredj, SLipknot's Iowa and Sarah maclachan's fumbling towards ecstasy.. (i spell the name correct anot??)
OK ok .. tomolo damned fucking stress!! rock star collective gig plus plain sunset.. i really scared later on got tai zi leh... wah lau.. die die die.. SCared like fuck man!! scully kena chia lat chialat one million times!! some more never jam properly the set.. fuck man.. sometimes i really hate the underground scene and wish i could just sell out and be tanya chua lor.
ok lah today i was really feeling damn shite. Yeah, felt really bad about myself esp after the "a" results which will not tell, say. I mean man im so crap.. ok ok im dumb dumb donkey.. clue already.. hahah. Yeah the usual shite, felt comforted by lor reed's super beautiful song jesus on the self titled VU release. Then i totally screwed up when billie called!! hahah, i was totally into moping and acting all so cool in my depressed state of mopism... this the first time, well directly of course, that a girl told me to just go mope on your own. I mean man.. hahhaha... i really think im so uncharming now.
speaking of self improvement, i have embarked on a every two days 5 am jog to Bishan park from my place. All the way to the end!! hahaha. and then off to the exercise centre to work out!! wah lau, and chen kept saying that i run like stephen chow.. nah bei.. he kept laffin all the way. Shit man are the guys in my platoon goin to laugh and poke fun at me?? (pun intended) YEAH! i mean its damn scary!! like tomolo's gig!! all the punks are going to eat me!! i will cry like a girl to the cranberries about the path i chose.. an indie rock band fuck!! why couldnt i be a yuppie and noe all the facts about fucking cars and all..
which comes to the topic of how im feeling now.. well, i really hate my self. The choices i made. The people i love dont love. My mom doesnt want to talk to me. My dad... sigh... my clothes. I feel like puking most of the time. I stink of so much shit that i douse my entire being inside and outside with buberry's weekender colonge to smell manly.
i listen to macho shit music like Collin raye and chris deburgh. I go to mambo to feel shit about how i fucking dance like a girl. And i see all the pretty girls. And all the loser shit fuck winner jocks. I cant help it.
yesterday night it all went away for a moment when i watched my totally fave movie. I watched empire records with chen and terrance who have never watched this super shit classic.
I taped it from HBO back in 1997.. and its still working. Oh yeah.. did i tell u.. i always watch empire records before any gig. yeah.. hahah sad rite. Yeah and it all seemed to fall into place, just keep going and being true. unfortunately.. the whole thing is irrelevant to tomolo's gig.. the sweat.. the claustrophoic environment further aggravated by the audience pakt like sardines in a tin can. Man.. im just totally stressed and it isnt good. Tom's gig i feel is detrimental to my mental and emotional well being i guess. Im beginning to lose faith in music and its joys. And i guess its a good thing. Im quite sick of being looked upon as a person whose only ambition goes as far as being a music reviwer ala cameron crowe and the Zwan album's release date. Everybody misunderstands me i guess. Maybe its the glasses, maybe its the clothes maybe its the way i act. My charm's wearing off really, its totally decaying sliding off my eye lids. Fuck man.. i need glue..
played serious sam too today.. its really all wearing off really. The magic of life really. Today at church i felt it all sliding off.
I guess ill never ever feel the same again. The benjamins may save me for a second of forever. Still, there's one thing that i noe will be forever and seriously i wont kill myself or degenerate because of all the blunt knives being tearing at my skin. there's something i noe that's crystal and im not moping at it. Im very very happy that the way i feel is true. It is there that i find forever, forever. wink and smile to you.. missed ya' :-)..
dont stress out ah.. take care and jive bunny will be there to hawaii five o ya' ona train to osaka complete with blade runner lights.. and iya mountain tops of green..
Saturday, March 9, 2002 04:32 a.m.
Please, please me... soundz in the head: Foo Fighters' the color and the shape, Ozma, tool's AEnima, Mineral's power of failing and Cornelius' Point.
shine shine shine like tomolo.
ok tomlo's going to the d-day. U noe the day that prophets say would come, like all the prophets that come way before, they're aROUND!! argh.. yes tomolo is a levels results come out (GRAMMAR!!) I am damn fucking strung out now. Just walking along the houses with all the dogs barking freaked me out, and cats THE CATS!! shit shit..
Well today i went on the borders with bran and Chen, yeah it was fun and all. I guess i was too preoccupied with fucking over for the exams to have FaRN!! Hum's shooting stars come on... brilliants!! sorry playlist generator lahz.
Well, i bought maxx anderson's PIXY and i really want to write songs that are a musical representation of all things Maxx anderson. yeah go and buy it so u can help ME PLEASE!! hahah.. Bran bought Bill Hick's The greatest hits: philosophy from borders, it rocks!! Stand up comedy recommended by tool and some other bands.. oh yeah rage against the machine really.
i guess it goes to show how comedy can serve as a not very harmless platform to really say stuff. I kinda identify with that aspect i mean for those who noe me, there's some wierd shit going on behind every lame "fuck" i throw in a sentence.
tomolo i going have to use every lame lame lame comedic device on myself, getting my way thru tomolo's result's gonna be tough and the things tied with it are worse. Im not going to say what they are really, trust me as marcus says... there are shitloads of skeletons in my closet.
(think tim burton style of course).
tomolo's list of albums i will listen to..
Morning: U2's all u can leave behind (have to stay optimistic)
To school!!: RAdiohead's kid A (i listened to this album heavily during the prelims and exams itself.. "optimitic" and "idioteque" never fails to get me really really "motivated" to skewer papers)
After results:
If i am okay: Weezer's blue album, Smashing pumpkins' Siamese dream, sigur ros and cornelius..
If things fuck up: Mineral's power of failing, Coldplay's parachutes, Radiohead's OK computer (depressing shit about the end of the world because of things like the a levels.) sdre's LP2 and the super unknown but lovely disc from Puressence.
ok ok... set your rays on jerry.. and shit shit shit..
im off to stay awake..
i really think that everything's fine.. im alill sadistic but im cool.. okay?? take care and dont stop dreaming, stars will always be there to love you. if i cant do that..
HEllo.. hahah. Today i went back to school for the investiture and it was wierd really. I was literally shaking like shit as i went into the canteen, to meet up with Alan and Shahida. Well, i felt damn fucking nervous, i guess its because i havent gone back to school and all. All of a sudden i felt all the responsibility on my shoulders, this whole big boulder was clinging on to my heart. It could be many things really, seeing miller there, teachers expecting me to do well and shit, my stupid long shit hair. Above all, i guess it reminds how hard it was last year january.
The beginning of last year really fucked me over, having a near shit nervous breakdown. i nearly died, emotionally. It was so hard.. Ill admit really hahhah.. that i did my fair share of crying smoking on the toilet bowl seats when it tool so much for me to go for lecture. All the little things that just fucked me over, notes, seemingly irrelevent economics facts and all. Most of all, my duty as the head of welfare. It seemed as if there was pressure from everywhere.
Suddenly i smelled shit everywhere.
i saw miller today.. yeah the girl whom i tot i knew in the pics section and all. I knew she was looking at me really, i mean cmon.. her eyes so big!! it was so obivious from the corner of my eye rite. I didnt bother looking straight at them though, let alone converse. She was with her boyfriend Effin though.. man they are a great couple really!! hahah serious no sarcasm or shit mud throwing!!
its just wierd how u seem to remember things walking back from school to the usual bus stop and smoking areas. Hahaha.
Man.. today has been a very emotional day really, and im so fucking good at covering it all up. I started listening to some old songs i recorded on my four track in 2000, remind me and all. Sigh.. after a year, there's beauty in them. Of course who can see the deeper meaning behind the notes but the author himself. Later on, just now actually, i found this mysterious mixtape my sis' friend made for her, and i found this song. Sarah maclahan's ermm.. something.. At that moment it just felt that the whole world, nature, the late nite clubbers and office workers weary going home, understood and knew how i felt. There were saying its ok.
Just say what u feel. Now at this time u noe that there's truth and love in them.
the result will be out on wednesday, at 2 pm. Im totally boinked out like chicken rice. I will tell everyone why am i so stressed about it really. some other time. sigh.. im really so sad. In Alex kerr's dogs and demons, It says that chronic nostalgia contributed to the cultural malaise in japan. Its not that bad, i mean my nostalgia and all really and im not so protective over it.
At the investiture my junior, who's stepping down as head of welfare(my post), appeared in the video presentation in the hall. When he wa told to say something for the new head of welfare, he said this " My predecessor told me this when i become the head of welfare, if you aint cool, funky and wacky enough u'll never be a good head of welfare." I was very touched, although i never remebered using the exact words though hhahah!! I guess he didnt see that i was a lill scarcastic and all, that i was a lill maybe depressed and shit when i said that, like a joke. Now, as i ponder over the cheesy words i tot i had said, its true really. It means alot really. Thanks saipee.
thanks alot for asking. I really miss my bestestestestestestestestestestestestestesetest friend really.... sigh.. its so boring again..
"What ravages of spirit
conjured this temptuous rage
created you a monster
broken by the rule of love
and fate has led you thought it
you do what you have to do
and fate has led you through it
you do what you do,
I had the sense to recognize
that I don't know how to let you go...."
-sarch malachan's Do what u have to do from surfacing.
F.U.M.H.U.L.T.T.S.A.U.M.
Tuesday, March 5, 2002 03:35 a.m.
If you WANt BLOOD!!! U GOT IT!!!!!!! Sounds In MA HeaD!:B.R.M.C' excellent self titled debut!! ( DONT FUCK FUCK!!!), J.A.M.c's HOney's dead, Velvet underground's SElf titled, New Order's Best of, Echo and the bunnymen's Ocean Rain, Tool's lateralus and Bad Brain's I against I.....
wah kau. As kel would say.. KNEE NAH BEI!!!!! Yes yes the day that everyone has been waiting for! My a level results will be out tomolo. I guess it should be all my friends are telling that its on saturday!! shit man.. fuck fuck fuck fuck..
At least last night i went for mambo which was pure John hughes FUN!! hahah.. couldve made it into a movie. Well except that me and brandon were the shits from a night at the roxbury, lucky they never play la bouche's what is love if not u noe LAH!! its quite fun making a fool of myself, well once again, its not the first time i attempt to copy all the dance moves from MTW classic. they shouldve played debbie gibson's electric youth man!! Oh yeah.. its was pure undistilled joy dancing to the pet shope boys really.. sigh.. i still love them keyboards and tui tui sounds!
ok ok what to do saturday results die die!! oh yeah its quite shiok on monday when me chen and kel cycled to desker road.. haha damn fun. Btw i fell down.. hahah! ok ok .. at the back of the mind.. i kept thinking of the bike as a metaphor for how things are going.. for me.. just keep riding.. even if my fucking thighs are dying from the pain..
well i hope that i can get good grades so i can either sell out or just burn out.. go ntu and be with my dad.. yeah dad.. i guess as i grow older i become to understand him and its strange it makes me want to know him better.wierd huh.. if not study over seas then i can give a big immature fuck u to things here.. yeah rite..
like always.. i totally miss u man...
hopoe ill have great news..
SERIOUS SHAUN!! sounds in my head: Far's water and solutions, death cab for cutie, joy division's still, Tool's evetything!!!! shit everyone should listen to tool and go mad!!!
well HI HIH!! yesterday cannot write because the server pitas was going thru something.. hahha.. anyway today i had real fun. HAhha i love being with my friends really... esp. today.
First i met frankie law and went down to Ngee ann to go help in some mixing stuff. Got picked up in a cab by Kelvin, met chen and brandon. I met John nunis there too!! hahahha!! so FUN another old skool shunfu kid! then we went up and me and brandon started this little act, CALLED "GREG AND FELIX!!" hahahha.. we acted like our fathers and pissed people off!! LAFF UNTIL CRY... then met benard and daniel gan... hahahha!!!
later on we went to King albert park and got stuck in the rain... then I MET MY COUSIN DANiel!! haahha.. so fun!! then Joy from My old school JI called me an offered me an umbrella... so sweet.. WE had more fun asking each other what we would do with a nine million dollars and all.. hahah!! and BRandon's stupid obsession with my dad being maynard james keenan from tool!!
after which i went to my god-sis' house and wow! more fun and games.. except her sister.. GAUD! shitz man.. After which JUlius CAme on board and met up with Kel, brand, chen, clarene and her fren shirlyn... SO FUN!! hahahah,, went mad more... THen we met up with MarCUs and Imm after that!! By then cla cla and her fren left to party french.
The guys then went extra crazy with LAN!! hahah.. went to virtual ID and played Serious sam!! and WE used our dad's names as our nicks! HAHAHH!! ANd marcus.. or thomas HC formerly of SISPEC got the BEST KILL DEATH RATIO...
after that we went to mei lee restaurant.. (gaud i love shunfu road..) for tea AND MORE CREATIVE MARLBORO MAN!!!
MArlBOZILLA VERSUS COCA COLTHA!! AHHAAHA.
at the end.. ard three.. me jules and chen then sat down after the rest left and talked. I talked about how shit scared am i about the a's next week.. but im damn shagged..
after an hour of LAN..Sorry specifically serious sam!! hahha... I had the best time today my friends really.. they're all great guys and i really thank god for them. I really love all those fuckers.. hahahh.. sigh.. it seems that these are the right dicks to be with.. and seriously guys if you read this u are the best thing thats ever happened to me in a long time.. BEats being in bed with any old how christy chung.. cept for the girl whom god allowed to wear baby tees and dye hair right kel?? ahhahah.. goodnight and lots of love...
Im sorry... Sound in my head: Alanis morisette's hands clean.. i have to admit that song sound like any other alanis songs.. but the lyric in it well.. its bittersweet and all and nice..
cheesy song in my head: Vertical horizon's best i ever had.
god help us!! hahah!
ok u must be wondering why the sudden afternoon entry.Well i needed a break from somethings. I just quarreled with my mom over a very small thing, and i got really mental and all. It just tells me that i just cant run away from many things, like the fact that im still overthinking over feeling and something else.
looks like yesterday's session with chen looking at old photos of myself really made me all woozy.Its funny how much ive changed ever since last jan, along the way and all. Up till now, chen keeps saying that ive really changed just from the photos. I was fatter and now im totally skin.. could tell from comparing my investiture photos with my stepping down photos. At my stepping down photos i was totally skin and bones. i could see my adam's apple and all. ( pun intended..if u see it ;) ) All the times i tried to fix my mind and all.
i guess like the days after last christmas i guess i feel that ive failed not only to her standards but even my mom and everyone else. I guess today i feel incredibly sorry and helpless. Its just that ever since i returned to church which i so dread but have to face up to, i felt alot of old frustrations and anger. i havent actually told anyone. i really managed to pick myself up and all. it was so hopeful the past few weeks. but then today i just let my defenses down i guess.
one likes camping the other likes resorts. one like veggies the other like meat. one likes sports the other like music. one likes sci-fi the other like romance.
well my eyes are dried up and im ready to go out again. To find myself again, i cant help to feel when i look into the pictures that i knew what i was then, although i felt like i didnt then. Now, hahhah, i just think back about how i used to think i will be at 21 when i was 12. Its very much different. yeah... i guess there's still soemthing for me. I know that things are not what i think all the time. my heart is really cracking up now, and i dont really know why.Events bleeds more events. After the a level results im going to change, things are going to change and before i realise that the army's going to have me. Dont ask me why, please, please dont tell me to just fuck it.And its not because of CNY at francis, please dont blame me.. ITs not that! its just how these incidents happen okay? PLease its not my fault taht things happen all at once and mince me up. Its not my fault really, im really sorry...
that was just a burp. straight from somewhere.. hahhaha!! sigh.. its all these stupid comments i come up with..
some other time.. chill out.. Im going to meet marcus... i still dont know what i want.
Lots of love Sound in my hed: the get up kids' four minute mile. trizteza, Ozam, staind's break the cycle, DEath cub for cutie and the ataris.
another day another fun time, im totally beat after the week end. First it was Francis' house party (hahha cafe del mar man.....), Chris' birthday party and trina's chalet at costa sands pasir ris.
the chalet was alright played some games here and there. Brandon and i went there ard nine and got frggin lost, but thank god we found an abandoned shopping cart that we put our barang barang in! WE got there had a few drinks, caught alill noisy noisy stephen chow movie WHICH WAS DAMN POTATO!!(MARC!!! shouts out to you!!) oh well.. we went home after playing some cds and all, ending the mix with TOOL!! HAHAHAAAHAHHA scared the shit of the technicolor girls at the party... after which brandon wandered away to read love and rockets and all.
not much to say really cept that im totally partyish energy drained and all. On saturday i was dead beat tried. i guess seriously she doesnt want to talk to me at all really. it takes time. Brandon, chen and me were talking and said that we all need to have a close friend who knows our flaws and strengths. Chen couldnt give a damn and i just took that with a pinch of salt. I guess i still do believe in soul mates and all. seriously, it kinda explains how i am still.
afterall, i realised how very many many afraid i am to enter a relationship with a girl at all. I dont noe why, its a very Oscar wilde's dorian gray moment really. I am totally not the person i thought i would be now after the a levels and all really. Sometimes i cant help it and tie everything up with that person. It looks like ive changed so much so much too. One thing ive learnt is not how to judge yourself, but to just keep loving. keep living. god i miss you.
"Everytime i run away, it makes me want to stay"- The get up kids' amy i think.. hahhaha
okay here we go.. there were two little thingies i went yesterday that ended up into well, a really wierd night. It was so emotionally and physically tiring on my part really. Im really very very tired now and have to go for a chalet now.. man me and brandon have become 24 hour party people man... hahha!!!
last words last song b4 i leave for pasir ris. I think that im really starting from square one, and i have to learn to trust my heart again really sounds damn potato really.. but its alot easier to do things with your heart then to do things and understandingg it. Im getting there soon i guess. She look very pretty the other day, at the party, reminded me of somethings. I tried to talk but i guess.. oh bugger.. ozma's natalie portman.. there's nothing i can do at the moment..
Sunday, February 17, 2002 05:30 p.m.
ANother day of moving on to somethings... Souns Een ma' Hed: Rites of spring, triteza's various, The movielife, Avail, The smashing pumpkins' Adore, Cold's self titled, Manic Street preachers' The holy bible and Rick astley's wont u hold me in your arms.
WOW! what a day... after the super chaos night last night, u have got to eat and yeah.. its ASh Friday!! it sounded totally wierd because its suppose to be u noe on wednesday and all and i had to fast! YEah means no food cept for bread and water.. (snore....zzzzZzzZZzzzz) yeah.. boring fooed and all.
TOday i met up with brandon at bishan. Had a call from bilie and was telling me how boring JI is and all, and the total cheese in between the councilors campaigning for their posts. We went up to bishan and read A ULTRA SUPERB ISSUE OF GRANT MORRISON's NEW X-MEN!! THe shi-AR ARE BACK!! ANd the new authority gets killed off by the midnighter's undying super love for teuton who gets captured by the new authoruty.. sigh... homosexual love between batman and superman. That'll be perfect huh.. ahhaha!
Went for youth group cuz marc was doing alot more than worship and all. IT felt good to be back really, besides all the solid snake comparisons because of my mullet!! It was really great i tell you, cept that it felt really funny that i was introduced as a new member and all. I guess its back to square one and all.
afterwhich i meant up with brandy, kel, clarene and Ryan at China village. I was with marc and lliana before that too. THat's when marc told me some stuff concernin Choc tigre and yeah... sigh.. i guess there are a means for a end to a certain extent and all. Its funny how u discuss stuff like that and all the small things suddenly blow out of proportion. It kinda hurt my gut a little really.. let's face it im listening to OZma's Battle scars now. Well i could be george harrison of the band hahah, write a few songs and rock out hahah! sigh..
its like the whole night im marking relations to things ard. like how the shunfu kids and are that although we're all great people we all have differences, and i guess tonight the differences were a contrast to the youth group and all. How i appear out of nowhere and they happen. I believe its all part of god's greater plan still.
BTW chen you rock and youre not maynard.. u are maynard tan. hahha
last song for tonight. THe on thought that hit me when i heard about the idea of closing the tiger chapter was the bourbons i had after every gig in the early days, at the old roomful of blues and all. The person who gave me the bourbon meant alot in me holding on and being patient with the band. THank you for being there in those memories. thank god for u buying me that snazzy drink and being there when my steam was out. Rock on, tune in and never never never never drop out. thank you god.
NExt:New adventures in goodbye...
Saturday, February 16, 2002 04:18 a.m.
WELcome welcome back to the show?? SOunds in my head: susumoe yokota's grinning cat, 00100's feather float, Last days of april's angel youth, the movielife, saves the day's stay the same, and my heart beating from having too much fun... hahahahha..
Hi everyone!! wow excuse from the superlong BLog break.... just had some things going on and all. Hahhaha.. why choose to start again after valentine's day?? hahah is it because im attached or something?? or is it because im now a drug addict or something.. hahahha... im fine... non of the above reasons.
well things have been kinda funny all this while.. yesterday did the usual on friendship day and all me and brandy. And we went over to my place to get nice and drunk, so we got drunk to emperor, ozzy, Rick astley, neil diamond, BErlin, erasure, simpy red, Tool, a perfect circle and THE BEST PISSED FUCK BROKEN HEART SOUNDTRACK WILD AT HEART!!!!!!!!!! sigh i have to admit it borught back some memories for me... but looking at brandy acting like Chris isaak on drugs and no food for many days just was so fucking funny!!!
on the other hand, Chen kept thinking he was Maynard keenan.. hahhahah... oh well.. pinky just hung around looking at us guys making a fool of ourselves, after that while i was still high, i took my bike down and cycled around a little. It was really nice. It made me think of sydney, i dont noe why..
Return of the killer mementos.. Sounds IN MY HeaD:Tristeza various, sonic youth's bad moon rising and new york city and flowers, Stephanie Sun's Start 2002, The cranberries's no need to argue ,Helloween's time of the oath and mineral's endserenading.
Sorry about the total never update.. hahah dun worry i guess im back thanks to some funny events which have well made me come back to writing entries in the wee hours of morning.
well havent been doing much.. i just came back a awhile ago from a shoot... ermm... yeah im the talent for this temasek poly film short. Okay i really have to tell the story!! its all about this cinderalla story that ends with the prince charming (yours truly ahem..) actually having the hots for cinderalla's shoes and not herself!! HAHAHAHAA nice ncie ncie.. and tomolo im going to be smelling the shoes and wearing a pinafole.. THAT"S A BIG FUCK YOU TO SOCIAL NORMS!!!!!! ahahha... god bless indie films..
oh yeah had a few gigs here and there.. and yeah yesterday's fateful sonic edge gig.. i was touched i can say. That's all i will say.. thanks marc..
Last night brandon ,sean ,terrance ,andre ,chen(!!!!SMOOCH!!) and me went on a killing spree!! The night before.. the gang managed a score of four and half snails!
Whereas yesterday we managed ONE FROG (!!! HOORAY!!!), one snail (YUCKS!!!) and two cockroaches. it was a REAL TRIP KILLLING THE FROG!! have u ever heard frogs scream? seriously its something u should hear once... (YUcks.) me and brandon dealt the death blows and seperated head from body... crikes.. that's what u get FOR NOT LETTING US GUYS DISSECT FROGS!! it was a truly refreshing experience that brought me back to me the the times where i wasnt so much aware of things such as compassion or empathy.. remember how in primary school we used to squash aphids and drown ants!! Brandon used to bleach ANTS!!!
yeah anyway.. i wont say what spurred me on the keep this lill shindig on.. but nothing.. just a smile for you.
webkin