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i wont deny the pain. I wont deny the change
Soundz in My HEad:Smashing Pumpkins Mellon Collie and the infinite Sadness, Nirvana In utero, Drowning Pool Sinner and The cranberries No need to argue.
i wont write much.,.. i used so much energy cleaning up the page and all.. shit have to learn how to add pics on the main page.. check out the banner i made for the site at the bottom of all the other pages.. it links to the main btw.. HAHAH Steal the Fuckin pic and Shamelessly present it at your own blog!! ADDed more pic.. much more recent one.. too much of my sis..
More peroxide blues stuff coming up.. like mini movie by brandon and comics.. Actually i had a new logo and all.. Slowly building up the site to make it look and work better..
other than that i received a b-dae card
AND IM SO SICK AND TIRED.. okay im a wierd fella mucha lah mucha gracias monkey monkey....Seeeeeek ye first the king dom og god....smurf love.
Some times i wonder if she reads this page. let alone anyone.
I was feeling quite sad just now.
Im stressed out
im a little silent
I guess this is where i leave my emotions.
WHERE ITS ALL VERY FUCKING BORING RITE!! YEAH I AM BORING ITS LIKE DAYS Of My life...Everything except the hunkiest guys.. F4.. fuckin TV and SHIT IS EXCITING WHO GIVES A DAMN ABOUT FEELINGs MAn.. ITS GODDAMM cliche,... IT BASICALLY BORING!
goodnite. Sunday, November 4, 2001
03:43 a.m.
Super thursday....
SOundz In my HEd:THe Brilliant Green All ALBUMS!!, MAssive Attack BLue Lines, MAnic Street Preachers Everything must GO and Bjork VEspertine and Mini Post remix ep....plus MATMOS!!!
Man i cant write much cause im having a fucking headache now really.. FUck man it hurts!!! ANyway today i went out to celebrate Brandon's B-dae! It was kinda fun esp. When we went around orchard road thinking we're on chinese MTV.. We were like DAvid wu Or some FABC's (fake american born Chinese!!) yeah.. its was really fun.. Kelvin, melvin, Djinn his cousin and Serena was there. We were at The heeren Annex.. at this place called Fuxion or something yeah. Met kimberly from Urban exchange too, she looked pretty funky with the hair and the way she said hi to us when she was talking on the phone!! MEt quite a few pple at wu jie lu really like some SA boys and all..man Im supposed to go back to St' Andrew's tomolo. i miss the morning devotions and all esp. tomolo is Krempl's last day as principal... "nostalgia's at my knees again!!"
Oh yeah today's All Saints day and guess who i saw.. no prizes rite! Hahhhaha.. oh yeah saw her (NOTE:This her can be anybody so instead of trying to figure out who she is.. just think of it as just someone.. or some fictional character ok!) Yeah i sat upstairs and all in the church, paid attention to the sermon which was quite uplifting despite that derpressin sermon abt god choosing a certain np. of pple to go into heaven.. shit man there's A QUOTA!!
yeah didnt talk to her.. i guess she wouldnt want to.. The strangest thing is that i dont mind talking to her mother.. i dont noe why. Sometimes i think abt things, i feel that her parents are really nice u noe. Dont take it as a u noe.. cheap shot at getting to be with someone and all okay..serious.. they are very nice pple esp her mom.. esp a few months back when i met her mother at the coffee shop near church and all.. it was nice u noe.. SHe telling me that i have to catch up and all. Time to time, i think about wat she told me and all. I think it was during early july and all. Yeah i left the church in a hurry, cause i didnt wat and akwardness to seep in. But i kept thinking that what things u do that hurts u sometimes do make u stronger or make things better. I wanted to go up and talk yes.. but i guess not now... not that im attached or something.. im very aware of wat my emotions can take and all now.. Not now lor.. HHAAHh. at least there's some certainty i myself i can lean on.
i wrote a nice song today.. kinda for brandon and all. It kinda oozes with all the kidiness that makes brandon and maybe me so Charming.. oh yeah brandon's got three girls on the waiting list that bastard!!!here's a lyric (infact the only one..) "roses are red violets are blue/ everybody needs someone like you" hehehehehheee.... oh well..
sometimes i wonder if pple read this..tell me if you do..
"uve said goodbye once, mow im learning how to say goodbye like u did. Dont blame me if i cant.." (EMO SAY!!!)HAHHAAHAH good nite brotha!! Friday, November 2, 2001
02:21 a.m.
scare me ,please scare me.....
Soundz In My HeAD:The Brilliant green self-titled and Los Angeles, Whence it came,CAN Ege Bamyasi & The Jayhawks sound of lies.
wah kAU!! These few days there has been this serious Taiwanese B-BOy Craze goin on with Brandy, me and Kelvin man!!! SHit..
REALLY We just keep goin on and on trying to be DAvid Wu presenting some New LA boyz or Nicky Wu ALbum mAN!! ANd of course the ever immaculate DJ SOH!! HAhha will be posting new pics of this new cool SI FEN SHI TOU (very ROcKin in chinese that is..) New M T WEE ARtise.. hee hee..BTW HAPPY B-DAE BRANDON TAY!!!
today i attended the school's "CHampions' Dinner" which was so fucking cheesy and all.. gaud awful man.. fuck.. th ex councillors were told to help usher the parents when the dinner started.. like we alreadi graduate lor!! man oh man.. oh well.. felt pretty shat on today and all.. cause of my parents ( SO EMO!!! ITS EVIL!!)oh well i shant elaborate cause its way to complex and personal this thing.. yeah right.
yeah and i visited some other pple's BLOGS and let me tell u how screwed up mine is compared to theirs.. GOD man.. i must suck real big time.. man. And im like trying to be DAmO Suzuki and all... im beginning to truly wonder abt my place and future in society now that after a year ive got my ostrich act out of my emotions. Suddenly its all big and shit.. i cANt FUCKIN REACH ANYTHING!! Oh yeah.. for my solo project shit.. im gonna call it vanilla.. and the mini album's called "songs to listen with a couple on your birthday". Its goin to be pure Sadistic mish mash!! SO SHIOK!! but man.. after checking out some things in my musical creativity and all.. i begin to SERiOUSLY DOubt My AbilItIES and all man...... i mean im not a good singer let alone song writer.. shit i shouldve stuck to Metal all the way instead of letting all that dumb elliot smithisms and scott weilandnisms get into my head.. BTW i told brandon yesterday that i wish i had Bjork's voice and maybe Sarach maclachan... man this is unhealthy.. especially with my secret PET SHOP BOYS obsession.. Oh well.. i can always GO WEST!!!!!!!!!!!
video OF THE YEAR: Bjork's PAGAN POETRY the most beautifully Video... U WILL WATCH IT... its on the offical website go catch it!!! Thursday, November 1, 2001
02:59 a.m.
Metal Roosters and Water Dogs.
SOunds In my HEAd:Big o singles club no.4, OS Mutantes everything is possible, The Cranberries, kid loco The Grand love story.
Currently reading:william gibson All tommorrow's parties.
wow boy am i tired. YEsterday i had rosary over at my place so we had people coming from all over shunfu road. My house was packed to the max, there was basically no way we could have fit that much into the living room really! There were some very nice pretty girls who came though!! SAd to say they were a lill.. YOung!! HAHAhaja.. i mean if they're pretty they're Pretty and all!! then came the CHonglets.. or rather these five kids from the chong family, affectionately known by the Shunfu Road estate as the CHonglets ARE so CUTE!!!!!!!I had quite a hard time really with them Jumping on my BEd, Screaming their heads off everytime they see my barbie stickers and all the Monkey Soft TOYs In my ROOM!! i really love children u noe..man..
ANd my god sis and natalie was there too, laughing their haed off at how i was so Krusty the clown at the kids and all.... it was nice u noe how maybe they messed up my room they made it warmer..
the REAL madness started when after the rosary was over, i turned on the christmas lights i have hung up in my room. I was thinking that the kids would really love it, after all their exams were over and all so IT's all up to Uncle John Robin Hood To Start A party!! Maybe it'll change their lives or something. SO a theory proposed by a auntie kat states that flickering bright lights will make kids go mad, symptons include high blood pressure and uncontrollable laughter!! man i love those kids man..
it was really coincidental that when i had turned my the lights on, i met someone on the net after a long time. Yeah it was a rare moment that that someone wasnt in N/A or some mode to avoid conversation. But its more or less the same u noe.. the short replys the cutesy wutesy stuff all fluffed in sugar and all that. I just found it wierd because i told that someone i wouldnt want to turn on the lights in my room anymore, but i remember she told me that i will, soon. For an idea of how the christmas lights in my room are see S-11 nat'l library. Funny how things are. Its now at a point that all these small miracles and mysteries mean nothing but yet in a very deep special way something somehow.
Oh well IM OFF TO SCHOOL@@ BYEBYEBYEBEBYEBYE!!!
Tuesday, October 30, 2001
10:02 a.m.
me love u long time singapore brotha....
sOunds In my HEad:TOOL mixdisc,The brilliant Green Los Angeles, the Cranberries No need to argue,Sarah Mclachan Fumbling towards esctasy.
Today i kinda slacked at home and tried to study for the a's and all. Man is it tough especially when i was feeling kinda uninspired and all. That was until i saw the most beautiful movie that makes me cry all the time i watch it. "Groundhog Day" with Bill murray and Andie Macdowell is so much more inspiring. Its kinda like a "what dreams may come" but with the humor that was expected from Robin Williams and all. I can say so much about the movie, i mean Bill Murray tries so hard to find out how to break out of reliving the same fucking day, only to realise that he must change himself and find true love.. *sigh*... the funny part was that everytime he wakes up in the same day Cher and Sonny Bono's "i got u babe" plays on the radio/clock.The answer was always there in the background!! After the movie i smsed every guy i know that i love them very much. (..............)
well i went out with brandon to s-11 to get some drinks and shit. Read this new Universe X comic called herald which is the fucking reason why comics ROCK man. I kinda met this girl that i had a crush on way back too which was funny u noe.. i mean especially after watching something like "groundhog day" and all.
well a new week's starting soon and its goin very few days till the a's and i still think i havent covered enough. I guess im kinda confused abt certain things like where to after and the ever eternal question of who am i and all that emo bullshit (sorry MARC!). Just last night i smsed someone goodnite and yeah.. it felt funny u noe.. sometimes i cant help feeling like im 13 or something.. and that everybody around u are busy trying to be Tay Ping Hui or some hot shot mohammed sultan/china black leisure suit sally or something. I feel like a freak sometimes because id rather put on some innocence mission or gram parsons instead of.. maybe its because ive outlived it or i never fully understood it.. or maybe im not some uni fooper cum jock who likes all the glam. oh well.. ill just stick to just feeling i am who i am i guess.
Monday, October 29, 2001
03:22 a.m.
All things must and will pass...like fart.
SOunds in my head:Do as Inifinity Deep Forest, A perfect circle mer de noms,Whence he came, The jayhawks tommorrow the green grass and Trans Am self titled.
well another day gone. Ive been slacking off these pass few days coz im a lill sick. Plus i need the Drum Machine!! nvm.. i went out with jules brandy and kel.. oh yeah immanuel too.. (man whatta wacko!) yeah hung out at s-11 bishan which is our fave hangout for chats and such. And today i went for mass and nearly bumped into her.. wah lah yesterday also nearly bumped into. Sometimes i wonder why i am so afraid.. is it like a you noe.. crush that ur kinda shy to see and all, or is it that im afraid i may get emotional and all, the same way she claims she does when i sms her?? hmmm..
anyway had a really great time with the guys esp. when im feelin very down and all.. the best part i met this old fren called shirlyn!! WOw.. she's now at CJC doing her a's too!! HahaahaAH oppourtunities.. Man i thank god for all this nonsense that's happening, somehow its made me feel better THANK GOD ( man im soundin like a Jesus freak.. HI JOHN!)yeah.. im kinda sick now poss. the flu. And im thinkin of helping out marc in awakening. Ive got plans to help out in pa, to do volunteer work and be a good boy!!
SOmetimes i wonder if i shld call her and check her out.u noe i get kinda queasy everytime i see girls dressed more like sluts then pretty girls.. i dunt noe.. maybe its because of myself.. the adrian tomine type. well all i can say is that life is fine although I HAD A TOTALLY MEANINGLESS B-daE WITHOUT PRESSIES!!!!!!! (THank U MArcus!!!) YEah signin off and love YA!! : ) Sunday, October 28, 2001
12:28 a.m.
Pee Station.. pearls add 50 cents
today's sadistika therapy track listings: TOol 's lateralus, A perfect cirle, Radiohead, CAn, whence it came and the icing with aphex twin.. okay quite tame lah today...heheheheheheh
okay today i went to school i havent been to school for like along time and shit man!!! so yeah it all felt quite alien and all. Anyway im really plannin to get my hands ON THAT FUCKIN DR 202 MAN!! den i can become JAMC man!!! AHAAHAHAHAMUAHAHAA!!! maybe i can become famous. if not kena have to become a half past six p&w leader.. or better still be a priest...*sob*
okay lah these few days quite hair pull man.. well i talked about my X gf the other day with my olde fren and all. Its really been a long time.. since i spoke about her u noe. ANd its just so pretty weird how things are.. i mean if u really like someone u wld keep talking to tt person rite.. wait that sounded damn emo/autobot... no I AM A DECEPTICON!!
nvm.. no deep emotional tots here.. even though im bangin my heart with Dashboard Confessionals..ermmm...oh bother..
oh well ive just got to keep moving on lor.. ive decided to major in either accounting or some business course.. so i can be what pple always said i cld be.. esp ermm.. stop it shaun!! HAHAhrhrAHR a stock broker..*wink*.. yeah then i can moonlight as a SHOCK ROCKER WITH A Kewl TRANSFORMERS THEMe!! Growl and make cool vids like tool's.. wow ive got lots to say actually.. meeting damien and learning about his new short tt he'll be filming in DECemeber.. and the choc tiger gigs.. and the drum machine.. and the a's and the pain and the memories.. *tape hiss* *tape clicks* Friday, October 26, 2001
02:28 a.m.
late night coffee and diana ross.
yeah goodmorning..im suppose to now go and sutdy and stuff. GOd im so sleepy i guess its because i was till three talking to my god sister which was really fun and all. Strange thing is that she likes little mermaid the movie too, when i woke up this morning the radio was playing "under the sea" funny huh...
anyway i had an okay b-dae on sunday.. i went for the SUB-C gig at NUS, which feastured some hk bands which were pretty good really!!~! They totally rocked MAN!! and yeah funny thing was that the guitarist for return to fall and Plain sunset, Sham also had his birthday on sunday.. which was really cool.. then Brandon had to see his ermm.. how do put it??.. ex-gf??yeah...
well im 20 now and i started off by hitting myself with tool's lateralus, Trans AM, Bjork and the cds of the hk bands and all. Well somethings have changed and somethings have not really duncha think so? well.. i dont really think anyone's reading my entries anymore.. if there is anyone please sign my guestbook.... hahhah.... see you soon... Tuesday, October 23, 2001
11:02 a.m.
Im wearing thin...
okay i just archived the rest of the entries so if your interested in finding out what's been happening and all u can go can and click on the link.
yeah ive set out to make this page with my most personal entries, my god-sis once asked me why do i do this? Am i trying to advertise myself or what, for girls or something. Be pretentious and build this world around myself. Or am i trying to prove to everyone something. That im dead serious about myself and what i experience everyday.*sigh*
anyway today's my last day of school in jurong institute, there were the usual farewells and goodbyes that seemed alwfully surreal thanks to the stupid graduation ceremony and all. But it took alot of me without anyone really knowin really because i guess no one will really understand. Like how i used to be a under achiever like bart simpson in secondary school and a super achiever(non-academically of course!) in JI. And what came to mind the most was why i came to JI to do my A's.. its pretty strange how all of a sudden u realise the reasons to why to do things u noe. I always told my friends i went to Ji becos i was sick and didnt have a choice as to where i could go. Yeah after three years i noe that behind the back of my mind and heart and went there for someone. It was basically for that person and to catch up on my years lost. (im 20 u see. i got retained in sec. school) Years lost? yeah.. i feel so left behind and someone that person.. nvm.. i wont.
i just enjoy that thing about meeting people after school and all. Knowing that someone's going to meet up with u and stuff.. in school u and all. Man nostalgia's at my knees. im goin to miss all of that the most really. most of all i am deeply saddened by how little effort i have tried to keep that person sure of me. I am Embarrassed at the fact that it was my first time in a mixed sex environment, that kinda got the noggin going Penis wise.All over excited. As i look back in all these memories and bullshit.. it stinks really.okay stupid analogy.. i cant write all these emotional stuff really.. its just wrong..
anyway old friends and all. Graduating from school is like stepping up and all. A new beginning. (fuck stephen gately...yucks) Yeah i noe it sounds cliche and all but.. i really want to share it with someone.. not just anyone u noe. its funny now how i actually know who i want to share it with. Today at mass (YES I DO GO FOR DAILY MASS).. i started thinkin about that person.. i kinda had tool's lyrics for "schism" in my head though (YIKES!). i just knelt and i kinda got this feeling.. and to be loved over in the long time's the best to do although not as effective as all those sweet little teenagerisms and rosy cheeked heart melts.. its very beautiful and much more beautiful then ever. although i will never fully know what happened. i will just sit in my pew and close my eyes. And maybe ill know in a nice sweet aching way that's truer than true. im still to young.
"go your own way and ill be with you
make mistakes and ill forgive u
always waiting here for you, for your return"
-"wearing thin"- further seems forever.
simple words that painfully say too much.. too much even for myself..its quite disgusting.
thanks for listening.
Friday, October 19, 2001
08:37 p.m.
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