smitten.. souns in the head: Magazine's rays and hails, The cure's 17 seconds and head on the door, My bloody valentine's loveless, yo la tengo's painful (ultimate..) and bob dylan's blonde on blonde.. with the song of the day.. "i want you"... sigh to da power of 100..
ive got to make this entry fast cause im booking in soon so here it goes.. 6 different ways to look at the week by shaun soh..
number one:long week, despite been short. Life sucks in camp, the oc sucks and must die. Shitty things happening to nice people. I have to take my soc tom, and i hate it.i hate it.. i feel so depressed in camp. i realised how much of the ord mood thing's settled in. CSM gave me till november to brush up my chinese or DIE!
number two:bought neon genesis evangelion the other day the whole entire series and i believe its the best cartoon in the world. Goes from typical jap robot story in to a total art film, in the vein of 2001 space odyssey with hot chicks. Watched Forbidden city. first half sucked, fell asleep, woke up in time to hear kit chan sing. Brilliant! Notable preformances by kit chan and sebastian tan. Brilliant.
number three:bought loveless and realise how shitty the album is. First copy lost, second kena cd rot this is my third copy. Sounds so much different from then in a good way. now i love it more.Completed my main the cure discography and i realise the importance of transitional album and realised that the new deftones and A perfect circle are similiar in their operation. The best cure albums are pornography, head on the door, faith and bloodflowers... and they will never ever happen again.. despite the curisms of recent bands like the rapture and hot hot heat. ta dah! trust me they sucks...
number 4:oh about mel. Ive come to a conclusion of sorts concerning her.. and im going to write a email to her about it. She's well... its all about how she thinks of me and how i think of her. im plannin to tell her what i think of her and all. Its these things, the different ways we think of each other that causes this conflict in myself, up to this day. I want to be myself again. I want this to end for sure. Its not that i hate her, but lookin back i realised how much of an idiot ive been. She's just kickin me around like a doll. She want to find true love, so what am i doing.. is it true at all in her eyes? its all about the sex in the city.
number 5:i met miller just now and im incredibly smitten by her. i dunno, man.. its just so beautiful, i feel like i just a nice hot bath when i see her smile. I guess its tacky to say things like that but.. hey?!!?? Yea... i dunno, i dont want to do anything really at all. I just want to end this thing with mel. As in really just put a stake thru it. Im feeling like tellin her off.
number 6:well im off to camp now. Life sucks.. im depressed big time. The only thing's that holding me together maybe miller and all, yea man.. her smile's like.. really as what people say puts a hold on time. oh god... im not in love right? hahahahah...
Sunday, September 28, 2003 10:14 p.m.
this honesty souns in the hed:sonic youth's dirty deluxe, smashing pumpkins' machina, dntel's (this is)the dream of evan and chan, the rapture and the cure's faith.
i believe that the first trilogy of albums by the cure are the greatest in the world. starting from three imaginary boys to 17 seconds to faith, essential.
its official, she's not getting it. She's never going to get it. Even if she does its not going to be under these circumstances. Its lame. and im too tired to say anything. Im sick and tired of all this shit, that im going to spent the rest of the entry writing mini reviews.
sonic youth-dirty (deluxe edition)-
i bought this album on cassette back in secondary school. "youth against fascism" was my anthem for post lessons angst on the bus, fucking home work and there was "wish fulfillment" to keep my hopes in check. I remember Astreal playing a cover of "100%" for their opening gig at tower for their album release. It was great seriously to hear ginette sing "and all u men are slime" in that kim gordon snarl thats in every woman. Alot more honest than all that stupid alicia keys RnB barf that u hear, do u think woman all sing like angels when they're really emotional, fuck the restraints. Of course there's "chapel hill", the first song that meant what hardcore and punk rock was to me, about social commentry and saying things that were always meant to be. Its not about doofus nonsensical paperboy/macdonalds punk rock and mummy and daddy, we're lying to ourselves the whole time with wat we listen.
sonic youth's dirty, is what pulls everything together. The whole rock experience, its amazing up to now that the made this whole load of crap on a major label (geffen records) and still got off with it. Now remastered and with additional rehearsal tracks that are a total joy to listen. "little jammy thing","hendrix necro" and "genetic" are definate standouts. Its amazing how much these songs blow up into your face with the wallofsound guitar poundings, kim's bass and steve shelley's above average drum work.
this album feels like everything that you've loved from those early ninties, the second summer of love, the teenage textbook, ponycanyon and more. Songs that come to mind that i still love are... "iris" by the breeders, "sabotage" by beastie boys and paul's boutique (yes i owned these albums), "the power of the picket fence" by pavement with its nonsensical name checking, "jesus christ pose" by soundgarden, matthew sweet's 100% and all. It seems that alt rock now's a reflection of what could have made it then, now its cool to catch it. American music club and matthew sweet and wilco versus Your gungho country ryan adams, jess malin and the thrills and all. I used to push my earphones hard and loud everytime i heard "star" by belly in my head, so did radiohead's "anyone can play guitar" inbetween lessons back in secondary school.
sonic youth's dirty was a mental photograph of things that was and can be.. still. Incredibly relevant now not by chance or what, but because its a great example of the magic of rock. From the chiming guitars at the bridge of "sugarcane" to the noisy tidal wave sound collage of "drunken butterfly", sonic youth digs deep into their soul the make sure your's doesnt fall apart. oh yea... it comes with a cover of the new york doll's "personality crisis" with kim on vocals... totally rocking. : )
u sway off side to side of your chair alone in some room. With your hands lit by a lamp that u spent hours choosing at spotlight. You must wonder how your hands got so fair or something. Well, if u ask me i dont do that really.
Sometimes it takes u by the head, grounded but yet still standing up, while u can feel yourself crying. There's not much meaning in things after that really, after you've made decisions after decisions and well.. come to no resolution about things. U wake up the next morning and figured out that what u did was stupid, insensitive and horribly hypocritical. U feel cheated by the person that means so much more than the world. Ive spent three years understanding why she could mean so much really, and i think its really really time to stop. Its taken a toll on me, on my pride on myself most importantly.. on my heart and soul. Ian curtis' lyrics come to mind immeadiately now that ive forsaken all holiness that could come from her, or so i thought. Coarse and overdone, i have never ever felt this cheated before, even much more than the time she dumped me for another guy. I felt so stupid that i've deluded myself into thinking that the way i was acting was the way i should in a friendship, in her case, or for that matter to everyone.
its the sex seriously maybe. No one talks about it openly except in stupid dirty jokes and uber cool current pop culture about guys fucking boys and girls fucking ladies. I think its time for me to go so totally headon on touch issues. U could spent your whole life seperating the sex from the love but u cant man, if you have good for you really. Its come the point where ive given up and resigned to the fact that im just a typical National service boy without any sex for my own good. Furthermore, the lack of a proper straight social circle of friends and a highly developed outsider mentality. I'd be better off humping bolsters and tearin my cock off to fall in love.
it goes to show u can dedicate yourself to one thing, and never get anything out of it, even with you heart and soul whichever way. But its different, u can make your love to anyone harder and faster in many ways but u need the cash.
in the evening in some city, you could be lost walking along the streets letting your thoughts float from the moving scenery, the mish mash of bodies, potential fucks. Even if you got killed, knocked down by a car you wouldnt know. You can leave your imprint on every square inch of the internet and leave out the spaces inbetween your ribs, i which i could put my fingers there and break them, make a wish like a wishbone. who cares about flesh when you've got strong bones to hold you up? Maybe find my soul lying somewhere under blood and bone.
i'll bore the internet, fuck the internet with my slender long hard fingers across the keyboards to the beat of humming hardware, until im thru. There is no art in the simple things anymore, no more beauty, its all being used by shallow media rockstars. in the great tradition of degenerative absinthe drinkers or days yore, there is only beauty in things that go like "hdcfhsfhgd". All the more i see the beauty in you, the more i see the beauty in meaning.
Monday, September 15, 2003 08:48 p.m.
flowered water powder weather barometer blues souns in the head: Rush's hemisphere and farewell to kings (for Cygnus parts 1 dan 2!), The postal service's Give up (EXCELLENT ALBUM OF THE FUCKING YEAR!), radiohead's b-sides (my fave's Fog.. which reappears on go to sleep cd1 live titled Fog(again)..) and because i cannot see them live and i feel like shit because of that YES' 35th anniversary collection, saves me the headache of which album to buy over the years.. its hard to find the perfect yes album really.. i guess the charm's in the Roger Dean covers.. : )
start: i went to zouk yesterday for mambo nite, and ive never felt so old in my life. There were alot of pretty faces there but something was just not there really. Joy division's disorder "Ive got the spirit/lose the feeling" kept ringing in my head the whole time. I kind of figured that i'll be better if i drink lots more, and alot faster that i wont go mental. It seems that the previous episode with mel just, fucked up my system for alcoholysistemisation. Well i went mental, as usual i just went outside, saw this wide eyed girl look at me twice like she wants to know me and walked off. Before that i started going nuts over the blanketing paralysis of all senses during the 1 for 1 drinking binge, leaving me quite sore around the tonsils.
i left the place and went outside and called miller up, which i shouldnt seriously. I cant remember what i said but i knew that it would take a good person to be able to listen to shit like that, when i said good person i really meant "good" person, like in saints and not sinners. All i knew was that i was making a saint out of her the whole conversation, telling her stuff that u shouldnt say like-wise to your favourite celebrity. its quite wierd really, the whole reactionary process of things now when i drink, scares me as self destructive? I figured out in the blur that there's no meaning in anything, immersing myself in some puesdo-existentialist nightmare with a hot and sexy supporting cast. im sorry miller, i know she's not going to call me again, fuck.
middle:i came up with a few songs over the block leave, a stupid MBV rip off one, a wierd epic rock song starter and a radio shit one. Yea, the one for pat's film thingie, which turned out i havent passed to her yet. It so happens that ive taken this super focus interest in film soundtracks and i wanna do it. Brandon told me that my stuff souns alot better than wat his classmates churn out back in Film sound video, at Ngee Ann poly. So, i guess there's something for me to get going yea? Mel's been telling me that she needs music for her film and all, im taking it as a focus for my music now which's great really. I tried recording with piano but have no idea otherwise how to mike my piano up nicely, instead i had a stupid bass heavy tone which died in the mix. i really want to do it for mel's film but shouldnt i see the film or know what's it about?
ender:i met some old friends, Janus melvin, joshua, school mates and old secondary school mates.. sometimes i wonder how much more will i meet on the street if i was able to go out on weekdays.its quite funny, makes me laugh and i dont feel pressured to fall back into that old persona that i used when i was with them, i felt assured that we're on some same ground.
im leaving now. Going to camp to pillow myself in Jon anderson's voice, always reminds me of a more versatile jeremy Engik seriously, and steve howe's clean as shit guitars. remastered yes... man lucky i never waste my money buying the crappy ones back then without the bonus tracks!! Next up on the wish list... Bob dylan's bootlegs no.4 with the Rolling thunder Revue... man... hurricane makes me so wet my pants man.. "the answer my friend's in the wind." nite.
Thursday, September 11, 2003 09:45 p.m.
flowered water powder weather barometer blues souns in the head: Rush's hemisphere and farewell to kings (for Cygnus parts 1 dan 2!), The postal service's Give up (EXCELLENT ALBUM OF THE FUCKING YEAR!), radiohead's b-sides (my fave's Fog.. which reappears on go to sleep cd1 live titled Fog(again)..) and because i cannot see them live and i feel like shit because of that YES' 35th anniversary collection, saves me the headache of which album to buy over the years.. its hard to find the perfect yes album really.. i guess the charm's in the Roger Dean covers.. : )
start: i went to zouk yesterday for mambo nite, and ive never felt so old in my life. There were alot of pretty faces there but something was just not there really. Joy division's disorder "Ive got the spirit/lose the feeling" kept ringing in my head the whole time. I kind of figured that i'll be better if i drink lots more, and alot faster that i wont go mental. It seems that the previous episode with mel just, fucked up my system for alcoholysistemisation. Well i went mental, as usual i just went outside, saw this wide eyed girl look at me twice like she wants to know me and walked off. Before that i started going nuts over the blanketing paralysis of all senses during the 1 for 1 drinking binge, leaving me quite sore around the tonsils.
i left the place and went outside and called miller up, which i shouldnt seriously. I cant remember what i said but i knew that it would take a good person to be able to listen to shit like that, when i said good person i really meant "good" person, like in saints and not sinners. All i knew was that i was making a saint out of her the whole conversation, telling her stuff that u shouldnt say like-wise to your favourite celebrity. its quite wierd really, the whole reactionary process of things now when i drink, scares me as self destructive? I figured out in the blur that there's no meaning in anything, immersing myself in some puesdo-existentialist nightmare with a hot and sexy supporting cast. im sorry miller, i know she's not going to call me again, fuck.
middle:i came up with a few songs over the block leave, a stupid MBV rip off one, a wierd epic rock song starter and a radio shit one. Yea, the one for pat's film thingie, which turned out i havent passed to her yet. It so happens that ive taken this super focus interest in film soundtracks and i wanna do it. Brandon told me that my stuff souns alot better than wat his classmates churn out back in Film sound video, at Ngee Ann poly. So, i guess there's something for me to get going yea? Mel's been telling me that she needs music for her film and all, im taking it as a focus for my music now which's great really. I tried recording with piano but have no idea otherwise how to mike my piano up nicely, instead i had a stupid bass heavy tone which died in the mix. i really want to do it for mel's film but shouldnt i see the film or know what's it about?
ender:i met some old friends, Janus melvin, joshua, school mates and old secondary school mates.. sometimes i wonder how much more will i meet on the street if i was able to go out on weekdays.its quite funny, makes me laugh and i dont feel pressured to fall back into that old persona that i used when i was with them, i felt assured that we're on some same ground.
im leaving now. Going to camp to pillow myself in Jon anderson's voice, always reminds me of a more versatile jeremy Engik seriously, and steve howe's clean as shit guitars. remastered yes... man lucky i never waste my money buying the crappy ones back then without the bonus tracks!! Next up on the wish list... Bob dylan's bootlegs no.4 with the Rolling thunder Revue... man... hurricane makes me so wet my pants man.. "the answer my friend's in the wind." nite.
Thursday, September 11, 2003 09:45 p.m.
the story is in the struggle (!!LOVE!!) souns in the hed:various mp3s from insound.com, including astrobrite, crushed stars and honorable mention band the decemberists, sounding off like a great dylanesque swing and wordsong godd.. i miss my jayhawks..
up and up!:i cannot believe it, yesterday i met an old crush that i had. I felt friggin funny. I believe there are many guys around my age who've had their hearts broken BAD by convent girls seriously, ive sworn off them like the plague or something like that cause once u know them u noe them all. I used to compare them to having that hive mind thingie, u noe.. aliens? Starcraft's Zerg? Ant colonys? "The men must all toil to keep the queen's palace nice and tidy, bringing food nutrition to the queen for her to thrive. After which some of the males are given a chance to mate her, and die after which..a horrible death."taken from memory is my account of queen ants and how covent girls are like to guys... well guys like me... of maybe just me.. oh well!
so yea we go on... yesterday i met this old crush, she's like at least a head taller than me, looks eurasian incredibly charming. She's nice, i make her laugh when we talk, she makes me laugh. She got this nice tied back hair that reminds me of that girl from Seventh heaven, nicest hair... and she's only 19 god... she's never going to be a model cause she's too sophisicated for seventeen magazine, or even Herworld. She's the kind of girl u'd see in interior design mags... yea i dont know why?Like sitting in this nice balinese style bungalow, with wood all over the place in different shades of brown. With plants in nice little corners that give the illusion as to where the walls end. Man.. she'll be seated in a casual kebaya or something with legs crossed smiling at the photograher, like smiling at you. Yea, that smile.. shit.. the kind that u could spend hours just wondering if beauty's skin deep. The kinda smile that shoots your head up like a My bloody valentine ballad: hard and elegant to your head. Now why didnt i ask her for her number!??!?1?!? i dunno, i guess its just that im shorter. who she is?
crush no.2: years ago in church i used have this total crush on this girl. It so happened i came across her pictures and saw her in them, i was like where did i see her and Boom! Yep... man.. seriously ive had like these super crushes and i wonder wat happened to them? its totally out of sigh out of mind. I remember dawn... man.. she was really pretty but yea.. flaws here and there not my type.. But yea.. this girl.. shit.. really caught me by the toe and turned me into a figure 8 submission hold.
i couldnt sleep the whole night, i kept thinking about her. Really, it was like i couldnt remember where i saw her but i know who she was. I remember that i used to make sure my neighbour brought his sis' calulator along, when we used to study together for the exams. U see, his sis was classmates with this girl and her calculator had tons of neoprints of her. hahaha.. yea. Its seems just wild that i really couldnt stop thinking of her after going thru picture after picture of her. Which is wierd. It kept looping u noe, like a picture within another. I think that because of last night ive got a fever really.. and the fact that i really do not feel like going to the david bowie concert because i got turned down by some people.. yea mel too..
im now sitting in front of my computer in the midst of leave from my duties as a soldier, or watever. I have now spare time, i spent the day doing what i like most; sponge bobsquare pants, arnold, lord of the rings, gossip and starnge frequencies and monthy python. Nicklodeon always makes me very melacholic. I always believed that i shouldnt go over seas because of certain depression dips that happen. I really have no one to be with that i really want to when i have the time. What makes u think that i will ever be? i won free tix to the david bowie concert tom and.. i seriously do not have anyone to go with...i mean.. i dunno someonei really want to go with... u noe brandon? or... i ended on askin mel and why? why did i ask her? why did i accept....
im meeting pat to pass her my Song, a radio friendly one i call "radio song #2". Im meeting chen and we're going to watch SE band play at novena. Its hard to say how it is you know. The minute im alone i do funny things. I start to run around the house in my boxers or just talk to my dog like she acutally is wondering how what im going to do today. I could always go to church, but i want it to end so badly. I want all those attachments to end. Its been constantly fucking me over all my goddamm time.
i sit slouched over a few moments ago and i just had a blank in my head. I was opaque, just a thick white slap in the head. i really dunno what to say. Suddenly all these small things that i do seem larger than life, like peeing like shittin like.. having the time. Best of it all a new phone. I just realised how i hate being out of control and im out of control and i hate it. i hate it. I hate it when i go out with my mom after mass and i constantly bitch about the church. I hate it when i go mass and look out for mel. I hate it when i feel that this isnt home. I hate it when i play music. I hate it when i buy a new disc.
im sorry i cannot be objective, afterall i wasnt all the time. Its difficult to be objective when it comes to shit like that, passionate nonsense that i wish i didnt have. I wish didnt overwhelm me to a point im crippled, to a point of shame. i want it all to end, really.
Monday, September 8, 2003 05:06 p.m.
the girl with a man's name. souns in the head:mojave 3, cursive's the ugly organ, lamb's s/t, sonic youth's experimental jetset and no star and husker du's zen arcade.
sunday:the soft and quiet sounds of the day can be heard everywhere. Especially in the deep mornings past midnight. I took a cab to meet her, past the rain and fianancial strain (im an nsf duh), i just had to do it. She was having problems with her bf and i wanted to be there to get her thru things, i wasnt thinking of anything much but helping. I was bitching earlier in the day to my mom about people who only want to help so they could get something off for themselves. Being in the church for so long, i see lots of people like that sponging off others to get with theirs.
Last night, i was looking at her and seeing her huddled over her shivering from the cold winds and the thought of a relationship totally collapsing totally broke something in me. I spoke to her, told her what i felt about things and she's the only person in a long time to be truly appreciative of what i say, like it mattered to her and the whole world.
They say that the strongest man would not even reject the possiblilty of hope, especially in hard times, last night i never felt so human for a longtime, i hoped she felt that way too. She wasnt crying though she never cried much but in short bursts of resignation that i will never know when.
saturday:i was happy to see her happy really, we watched an old shaw music classic movie at plaza singapura. We couldnt watch on at the GV plaza cause it was crowded and i had two complimentry free tics in hand.It was a wierd old period love story, tragic and in chinese, which meant that we both had difficulty understanding. It was strange that we both understood the chinese the same limited way, i mean she's not chinese afterall hahah. We kept talking about the symbolism of the red scarf in the movie, the girl meets the guy when she drops her scarf, and when she meets the guy again later on, she's dead already and drops her scarf again. It was interesting how that image lingered for a long time in heads and conversations after.she said it reminded her of something in othello..
linger:i wish i could write more, because its funny i never really did. Its the kind of things that leave this heady scent of a smile in your head. Its been like that for a long time really. LAst night i had the greatest time in the world. between the options of going to womad to meet mel and other things, i think ive made the right decision.
palmistry: last night before i left, i asked her to read my plam again. I always loved it when she read my palm besides having her fingers go along the lines on my hands, she would tell me things about me, great things really. Somehow i heard in her readings things that she really meant, it was like she wasnt really making references to the palmistry manual she reads, like she was saying for real. The way she would tell me and the things she said, i wouldnt trade it for anything in the world. I liked it... i really liked it. nite...:)
Sunday, August 31, 2003 05:29 p.m.
reconsider everything u do now. souns in the head: cursive's domestica, bloom and burst ep, storms of early summer and selections from the ugly organ especially staying alive.. beautiful song.. The essential bud powell, miles davis' kind of blue, Michael nyman's the piano soundtrack and poison the well's you came before you...
what's on:im bookin in back to camp in a few hours time. Camp politics and all have gone crazy, Specialists are all blood thirsty and officers at their most bastardly. rocks.. im sick of it, i tried to talk to my men about it and yea.. i really felt like shit being unable to talk to them about it, i mean i cant right? Its all about the men really, i really care for them alot, its like a family that's got to keep together. its a family that matters everything i feel guilty that ive not been living up to the role given to me.seriously.i will introduce them to everyone soon.. next week.. they're the greatest guys in the world.
music is not the radar: if you've been keeping up the new u should be checking out the local music shit that's been going on. Fuck the media if u hate to so much, that its a goddamm money manking scam.. fuck it.. if it eats u.. till u cant live it than fuck it. Like my dad who just wrote a book, he was at border's or something promotin it.. man.. he wrote a book. Man.. Go check out www.bigo.com.sg and read Joe kidd's views on singapore music scene.. trust me its best view of things by a foreigner.
masturbation: Made up a few more songs and realised that the tone of my voice is gettin all screwy and all, its changed man. Must've been because of all the cursive im listening, but really, Tim kasher's like the best lyricist in the world. cursive just might be the authentic emo nonsense band in the world, in the midst of stupid shit pop punk crap. I came up with on poppy ditty that's nice, and a slow shitty anyhow make up acoustic one that souns like a crappy shit guy doing a bjork song cover.
cursive:listening to domestica time and time again with micheal nyman's the piano in between helped me alot this week, thru all the things. Tim kasher's lyrics just points out the words i need to express things, to put into mental vowels, to even mouth it out and hopefully land on someone's ears.
Miles davis's sketches of spain made the nighttime stars at khatib seem almost magical, like out of fantasia, with coltrane and miles davis at it fast hard and smooth like iron maiden's janick gers and david murray at their most devilshly inspired twin solos. Bud powell... wow.. richard meltzer's favourite painist sounds evil man, like a high powered groove that u get lost in walking around riot frenzy NYC, check out mediocre. Ohh and yea.. the best emocore, metalcore watever fuck core album ive heard in a long time, poison the well's you came before you is their most balanced album, tear from the red and opposite of december sounds like eps compared to this monster. Lyrically it rocks full stop, a killer rollercoaster ride in youself before you were yourself. Fucking killer shit.
feelin better:im feeling better i think although yea... im really like dunno at the tagboard stuff that's going on. Just a while ago at church i was pissed at every fuck person again, this guy beside me kept giving stupid fuck looks at me and shit. FUck him. Afternoon this fucking old bastard pushed me HARD and fuck him. I saw some church people and FUCK them, why? i dunno why? maybe its because im totally guilty at how im feeling and i dont have anyone to talk to about it?
ender:i thinks that choc tiger's going to be put down soon. I need a band. i need to stard a proper band. Anyone wanna do? i need musicians who like to rock and sleep.
i going mad really, in camp there's been a major suicide case, just beside by block, dealing with ceiling fans. Jumpers in tekong, and cycle funboys buyin more than the thrills. it could all go away if you'd just want to talk to me. just want to show alill something. Im going to be patient, instead of immediate satisfaction and all. im going to keep it clean. i really care for u but yea.. fuck im down.. "The night has fallen down the staircase...
I need a catalyst, to rekindle the flame
That once burned within these fists where defeat remains
One Februrary night, we screamed our agonies
And I swear I tried to care
I tried, I tried...
But the icicles hung down like prison bars... " cursive's the night i lost the will to fight. like many many nights up in the night in camp and then i sms you goodnight before losing conciousness.
Saturday, August 23, 2003 08:36 p.m.
haunted by you souns in the hed: 311's s/t, appleseed cast's low level volume 2, the velvet teen's out of the fierce parade, Miles Davis' Big Fun, Michael Nyman's the piano OST and king crimson's USA...
holy shit:wow... check out the tag board man, pple are really gettin ballistic on me. I like it really, its like u noe exchange between pple? They actually bothered to read what i write, well they left been sympathetic out. I'd guess they'd be church pple who are doing that stupid reverse psychology shit they they do often instead of being nice and all.
waddafuck:too squeamish to use the word fuck in his/hers name rocks big time. Smashes with self pity and all the great stuff on me. Equally poking at my penis and my sexuality, great stuff really, but quite boring.. used to it already hahah.btw the way u should try fucking your mother too, be the experience of a lifetime maybe stick your head up to re-live those memories u forgot? heh..About my friends.. yea they arent too good looking, u must be. And dont fuck with my camp mates hahah, cause they're nice guys."Mr Author Shaun..... seems like every damn f*ck body in your screwed up dog shit life is a hypocrite...." seems like ur abit tongue tied on this one.. dont understand dah. About hypocrisy isnt it now about u? Why am i a hypocrite cause im hurtin u so much with my bullshit? then kill me. about slashin my throat im too chicken shit to do it cause im entitled to more music.
archtypal:nice stupid name, a typical follow go getter.. archetype bitch.. i wanna feel your shit on my hands. About losing u should check out my anus its losing itseld already i need a hand.
Cjgirl:knowin that ur a girl makes me all hot and bothered and horny. A Cjc girl.. man.. must be pretty and looks for hot guys.. and wow.. goes for cars materialistic buys shitty chill out house comps to fuck to. Oh.. yea.. best diners and coolest food and nice shoes and shit.. RnB and shit.. drinks like an ahlian but says she's not.. shit im totally in love with u. Leave your number please...
Thank you:i wanna say thank you to all the comments that u have left. U all have taught me how pple look at me. In view of this, i might want to run off and be a holden caulfied, or be a kurt cobain. If you ever love someone, be sure to rub off your genitals in a bloody passionate spagetti mess, that's love rite?
i wanna thank you for wanting to meet me to. I seems that u all take a major interest in me.
end and goodbye!:im haunted and haunted and haunted by all of you. so haunted so haunted i am that my dreams nite cel mares are golden.I think i might wanna start severin sever.. god i hate this shit. hahahha..
the real thing if uve managed to read this far after all the bullshit..: well here's the real deal. im startin operation clean out, and im quite inspired by the audacity of the hecklers up there, to like just say stuff. Anyways, im being haunted by a person, i dont know if it counts as a haunting but. Its starting and im really trying hard to figure it out. Its not like i think of the person at all but at the end of the night when i sleep, it somes these dreams and all. its.. stupid and i feel very very dicked). Therefore.. i have decided to embark on a self help program, an essay im planning to write called "what i think of melissa(understanding detachment)".
yea..
Instead of suppression, im going to just let it out..
i'll start off by saying that she stills looks like the greatest prettiest girl in the world. Her hair's great and she still looks great in tank tops. Well, she's still got that charm and all, its amazing, i swear to god, its gotten much more infectious. I am not going to talk to her cause she's in love with someone else. I am not going to see her or even ask her to talk as friends because ive tried too much in a pussy way. I am not going to even sms her because she'll never answer. i am not going to talk to her friends because they arent my friends anymore. I am not going to even think of going out with her cause we're all adults. i am not going to ever appear in her life again vice versa because she'd say that im not worth it. Im worth nothing to the person who means all the world to me. Waddafuck, archtypal, cjcgirl all can start pulling out your knives, im waiting. Because just like u all, everything that seems permanent to u, is severly temporary to others, and this case the most to the one that seems incredibly most permenant to you.
anyone want to take over?
Sunday, August 17, 2003 07:55 p.m.
pornographic beauty souns in the head: the mars volta's re-loused in the comatorium, the velvet teen's out of the fierce parade, jeff buckley's live at the peyote theatre and the boredom's new creation sun... excellent..
next week.. mars volta and the boredoms comparisons.
bored of radiohead? listen to the unbelievable truth.. fronted by thom yorke's brother andy.. unbelievable..
vain gina:went for a wedding on saturday it was great.. friends that somehow always had faith in me, maybe its because they didnt really know me at all. Met jessie, man.. she's nice.. missed her but yea she's haha.. disappointed i am. It was fun hanging with them at the introbar at raffles city,with really good indian tinged light electro symphonies lacing my new fave cocktail.. the Blue hawaii and Nice strawberry daiquiri.. man sweet..
croc eats pussy:its a hard week, yea and not the last one. The kind that u need to conciously stand up straight, slouchin comes so natural. Its time i stopped everything really, i've tried my time been friends and be there and be yea.. friends and all. Its time really to just say fuck all of u and really step out of line. At the wedding i realised how important church friends are, reminded me of my own. How shallow and stupid and dumb fucked my own are. Its time to leave it all behind really.
im sick and tired really of taking time and asking for them, like always having them first on my own list of close friends when they wont answer your calls, reply. Especially at last meeting them and wantin to chat but would rather get drunk and wasted than have a nice time that yea.. would be great. These people are crap really, i do not want this just as much as i do not want myself to.
public hare:im so sick and tired and sick and tired of all of you and that i actually need u all. im so sick and tired and sick and tired, at same time im sick and tired of myself. The other day my bunk mate said something that was trivial to him probably, that i write about depressin sad stuff and listen to shit like that because i wanna think that ive seen the whole world.. some big shot i am.. isnt that wat every body wants to feel? Then looking up at the stars and feeling like your on top of the world ought to be a sin.
banal office:i really want to help this person so much these few days, and yeah.. its the first time that it feels great that i can be there for someone, and that's so important. It something that.. man..esp when we've been friends so long. Im not at all wanting it to expand into a serious relationship but hey, its good now why spoil it?
end:i want to die so badly in some time pockets, tucked away in my hair. I coudl bury my face in hands all day long like they were meant to be like that. Let some birds pick at my fingernails or something. In other words.. fuck you ***
Hail to the thief ( after listening it for 8 tracks which is about a few minutes)
so what are we lookin at here? After struggling with the thought or whether or not to buy it and readin write ups (both bad and good) about it, ive decided to get it. Why? I was thinking it might work as a great come down album from last night which i will talk more later about, but now on the album.
So as i said what are we lookin at here? Stanley downwood's artwook vaguely resembles a old chart of the human brain, drawn sections of the brain of what it represents, from what i remember the area at the back of the neck's supposed to be sex. A collage of words that leave a poignant tensity that ties all of them together, like map of the world that we live in? Seperate titles in parathesis and an alternative name (the gloaming.) of the album suggests that they have realised how their music is interpreted so diversely that its impossible to keep up. So where is the true radiohead? They said that this album's more "pop".. if this album is pop than i say fuck your pop culture.
The songs driving swagger and guitar licks may scream sell out (white stripes?) to many, the analog drum machine and drones may sound tired to some (kid a) and lastly the jazz like bass grooves and faux-sax and phones ambience (amnesiac). So what we looking at here? Radiohead has returned back to present tense to just sit back, from an arm chair. The reason why these songs are good, is because its obvious that there are real songs here, not chopped up bliss that required more than just a feet tapping to rock too. Thom yorke's vocals have retained the same sonorous echoes if not a more smokey tone, maturing like their song writing.
The songs mostly tongue in cheek may suggest a funnier radiohead, but in all seriousness this sounds like a band internalising, a synthesis of all things modern if not post modern now in an album. They're now playin with pure full hearted sympathy for everyone, nut then again.. will scattered lyrics and fractured songs say what they dont even understand? Stabs of melodic prostituition and funky prince-like beats make this album a soundtrack for your workplace, for your wedding, for your sadness, for your funny little shortsightedness, for your stupid head, for your love, for your stupid legs, for your religion, for your values and for buying the album for them to steal your money for doing what they wanted u to do.. hail to the thief motherfucker, this is rock to roll to look at.
purity: Last night, last night i'll ever be the same. I was at zouk with people, some people, with people that smiled and made me think last time. Last night.. whoa.. I learnt some special things that i'll never forget, which was good but yet bad, just like everythin u'll ever learn in life. I was feeling guilty, that i was protective, why? I held on my dear life tapped into somewhere in my brain, while coldplay's clocks re grooved was on at phuture.
My head was straight as a ruler because the situation needed me to be. I held on to myself to keep myself holding on in case she falls and hurts herself. That's the last thing i want in this world for her to be hurt. I so wanted to protect her, of course within the proper lines. Soon the music was pulled down to a hum in my head, and the piano keys white and black punctuated my sentences as i kept telling her "its okay, just keep dancing it off". I nearly cried at one point seeing her in this state, thinkin to myself that i was responsible, after all she wanted was to get drunk.
purity:I didnt want to protect her anymore, because i wasnt suppose to at all. I am not suppose to do anything, even though this friendship means everything to me. What's important is that i come out of this alive.I took off for her back and shit and gave it all back. After buyin a pack of fags at golgotha shell station and back, falling thrice to my stupid sobbing and ranting. If the world's population were all intoxicated together, the world might be a better place.
purity epilogue:it was hard to describe the whole process of things just as it was the air. i kept mouthin the words this is not happening the whole time as i felt the little nuances, edges of my head cracking up. I kept up though i needed to make sure she's fine, i must get her home no matter what, i must make sure she doesnt fall on anyone else, i must shut the fuck up and cut my throat and bleed naked navajo indian way as a sign of my manhood.
are u trying to be funny with me, my sense of humour failed me totally when i heard that. I do not believe in the brotherhood that is god and all at that point, i felt churches crumbling. I told her i wasnt. i really wanted her to be alright, which was retarded, because where would my prayers go to?
end:i do not want this at all, but here i have it free of charge in my face. I do not want to see or hear from any of u again because i do not want to. im not saying this to u but to myself, but this is temporary of course. i only wanted to help u like a good old citizen, happy national day.
i leave u with radiohead's a wolf at the door.
Sunday, August 3, 2003 08:35 p.m.
walking on the moon souns in the head:asobi seksu's walk on the moon, catherine wheel's ferment,the jealous sound(rocks man reminds me of knapsack..),weezer's s/t (which i am totally bored of already..except for oh girlfriend and glorious day..huhu), king crimson's thrak & starless and bible black & red & B'Boom live in argentina... and more more larks' tongue in aspic and contrucktion of light..
larks' tongue in aspic:this has to be the king crimson album that was never supposed to be made. Never too technical to be pretentious and never to offbeat to dance, this isnt prog rock... this is music..Off the kC webbie, "discipline is needed to make music that ties with the future." Philosophy or hippie music ramble? Robert fripp's vision of music as an antithesis to the glam rock movements in the 70's like Bowie, roxy, dolls and bolan still holds to today, with lyricist Adrian Belew, an outward revolutionary that would make Thom yorke blush. Caked thickly in feedbacked un-jethro tullian "classical" instruments and arrangements, with a rhytmn section that would be echoed by the 90's era Pat mastello and Bill Bruford but this time, bruford teams up with mad man (check out the band pics and laugh at his Mad englishman moustache) Jamie muir for total otherworldy journey. Sloppy as shit, and tight as f**k,, James whetton's vocals sounds like kinks ray davies singing like they should after taking a glimpse into the furture, discoverin their timely demise past the 70's. Rocking tracks includes the sweet breezy exiles which makes u really think about where the musical limits of kC's music lies. Talk about the epic "larks' tongue in aspic part one and two" bookending the album and robert fripp ripping your ears with ornette coleman subharmonics, sounding like GSYBE ripped off their ascending melody foundation in their epics.
Soft lush violin also accompany the cacophony, sometimes tearing up in feedback sounding more like a samurai movie soundtrack. in its quietest moments as tender as nick drake's most solitary songs, and the slow meandering can-like cinescape that the percussions evoke, of course bursting out later in triumph over forces. king crimson's songs let alone albums including contrucktion of light, thrak and even live plays the music with something that music now lacks, they play music with a resolution that what they play is the future. For a band of this scope, there has never been a better time for its relevance to be re-visited in the heads of dickheads like me and you all alike.. : )
days passed:i didnt write an entry the last week so's yea.. basically its been tough, goin up and down and down and out.
days passed no.1: BaybEats '03 is the best thing to happen the whole year why? Saw buddhistson twice and wow, they've become alot more tighter! yaz the bassist starts wearing contacts and he looks great man, i talked to him abit after the show and yea it was great. Saw the gloria record and was abit tad disappointed about the newer material that it didnt sound as grandoise like in the album... honorable mention would have to go to electric co. for a fantastic set with daniel sasson on the bandwagon which was great... tempered mental sounding like skunk anansie without the feminstic spikes but much more complex grooves, sounding too intimate for a such a big sound for a 3 piece band.
days passed 2:Played last nightfor speed camera ahead at Coos for sonic edge, and yea.. its as great really cept that the bass took some time getting used to, cause i borrowed mine, man i so need one myself. It was great really, i kept thinking all this blue and cut up all this red and red... yea.. it was all abou cutting dunno why. well i had fun esp the second song..
kel chen terrance and pat came over watch me play which would make it the first time that they do.yea...amy was there too with candice..
poof: mirah's cold cold water is playing and yea.. man i feel like that.. i dunno.. all i can only listen to is king crimson, frankly speaking im fricking addicted to the songs man.. who wouldve thought? so much so that ive confined myself to later post 70's minus 80's with 90's kC, to keep it under check. Shit i mean what's better than pumping up "lark's tongue in aspic part 2" and then go soft with "walking on air" all by the same band.. great.. im really tired.. all i want now is my beginner guide to the projeckts cirkus, my script im working on....
oh yea ive got a DV cam and i recorded the whole SCA gig... hur hur//// man i wanna die....... fluck.. i hate being in love and falling out the exadct sam,e ti;m==e
