you cant do that on the net anymore. souns in the head:vertical rush's songs for the girls we never dated, dream theater's change of seasons and metropolis pt 2:scenes from a memory, the infinite steve vai, the very best of OMD, finch's what it is to burn and Frank Zappa's uncle meat.
why??: to tell you the truth i "stole" my copy of Frank zappa's uncle meat from a friend whom i think hated the CD as much as i was interested in it. I never fully completely understood the shit in it. Totally, i only skipped to louie louie and vomitted the rest of the album. Oringinally recorded as a soundtrack to a yet unfilmed moive, uncle meat is the album that i know so little of. The fact still remains that it is an incredibly dense, cerebral, undruggy album drawn from the beautiful of Frank Zappa. Did u know that The Jets is originally the name of a Zappa band configuration?
too little can be said about the flurry of micro notes that zip past, except "what the fuck?". u cant hum to it, u cant even think of playing it, Atonal as hell, zappa's shit as interpreted by uberslickgitnut steve vai even sounds tame compared to the shit! Mixing doowop garage rock with jazzy classical melodies (if it qualifies as that!), for me it would be a mutated version of archie comics filtered thru alot of agar agar and then some chilli yes and then some chilli. Frank Zappa's next on the list, and i think it would ruin my life. YES! Hear more about him soon from me.. whoa..
when love and hate collide: My dear friend Chen, yes chen.. his name on my handphone ends with the letter D and T. Which stands for Dream Theater. YEs. I hated them for they represented technique over feel, rock and roll afterall is about feeling and not flashy shit right? Ok save the flashy shit u see in cock rock bands yep? Dream theater i hear now sounds really different from then, when i totally cannot ta han the high pitched singing the predictable structures MAN! It totally sucked, now enter change of seasons.. which surprisingly has a cover of led zeppelin songs from my fave era! Dream theater's cover of the rover/achilles last stand/the song remains the same, has to be the damn godamm cover/medly of zep songs ever comitted to tape. MAN.. ok labrie's vocals sounds slightly more bon jovi than plant but what the hell! No one covers shit by led zep during the physical graffiti/presence era man.. MAN im EVEN INFURIATIED by the FACT that People STILL STHINK THAT STAIRWAY TO HEAVEN's THeiR BEST SONG! FUCK! no come the question what is led zep?!?!?
??????:So how the fuck does frank zappa and dream theater come together? the absurd and the clean sanitized BRain metal? the funnily dumb and funnily serious??!?! MAN that's life!! hur hur.. it sums it up. OK its not like ive lost anything but yea hur hur..
lessons in life pt.1:ok.. so ive started commiting myself to teaching some people from my church guitar bass ot whatever u need to know to qualify/satisfy themselves as musicians! Man.. I so totally feel like im screwing up someone's life here by adding my own blend of ZAppaesque (......everybody says im retarded anyways!) musical theories which incidently is the result of Being kena PLay out by people WHO WANTED TO TEACH ME GUITAR!! so.. i will not play people out who want to learn guitar if not they end up like me. TOTALLY screwed up. ermm... It gives me new meaning in life totally, ha ha, yea.. but something at the back of my minds just says "MAN yer stoopid.. like they'd really eat your stuff!??" OK.. so's im going to teach first//
1) how to hear the music: building vocabulary to abuse. - this consists of understanding how to hear the music, including my unpatented "third eye" listening which i use for NICE DREAMPOP or SMOOTH FRETLESSBASS or THE STOOGES..enabling to develop a totally drooling obsession with music!
2)PLaying the acoustic guitar:unlearning notes and the lack substance for form.
-this consists of realising the only reason why people like to play acoustic guitar if not because of the notes but bcos of the sound of RAW RAW RAW RAW POWER... raw POWER of string being RAVAGED.. yea..
3)Prog rock is Punk rock: How to wayang as prog rock in punk rock ways.
4)guitar acrobatics:how to play guitar in 7 positions
5)rythmn:breathing underwater to develop natural rythmns"
6)Black metal and guitar picks: THe importance of good equipment for maximum PAIN!!
7)guitar tone: why your guitar should sound as good as frank sinatra and ozzy osbourne at the same time.
8)expression:why u should always not think and play guitar.
9)the jesus and mary chain: Why they are the world's greatest band, if there is a world!
and blah blah blah.. i'll think up more.. hur hur.. man this is going to be fun really! YEA!! hur hur.. in the mean time.. i have to book it.. btw how the hell did i get from Neil young to this shit??!?!!?! must be the gameboy.. huir ur..
Sunday, December 21, 2003 09:53 p.m.
jaaaAAA KKKuuu Dddeeehhh WWwuuu souns in the hed: wilco's yankee hotel foxtrot, king's X gretchen goes to nebraska, ...trail of dead's madonna (thanks MAG!), japan's gentlemen take polaroids and the beatles let it be.. naked
across the universe: i love this song. I can live inside this song. I first heard this song way back when my dad played it or something or somewhere. Or so i would imagine. it reminds me of many things. "across the universe" from the album let it be is totally, almost entirely irrelevant to the rest of the album. Fiona Apple covered this song, and it seems whoever sings this song will sound good. Why? Because it is a beautiful case of the song singing the singer. It's beautiful, with the nonsensical chorus that i havent bothered to find out what it means ha.. to the soothing sitars in the background.
i'm now hearing this song on repeat on repeat on repeat. It makes me think of being free, and happy, of being with someone u want to love. I could listen to this song the whole day, i used to for an hour or so with the beatles past master 2 disc. The funny thing's that i cant remember or catch the lyrics, it just doesnt stick as words or letters u know?
sediments:we bring it all down to the end of the year. One whole year moving back and forth between myself and other selves. Im sick of being responsible for people's whatever, i feel guilty about things that i've neglected.
i've started the old man thing. I hate Xmas.
they've been talking about me hahaha.
i want to sell out.
I must sell out for my children
personal intergrity is thinkin about the future. Not about being nice and good to everyone.
i got myself gameboy advance SP with ADvance WArs 2 and Sword of mana. Brilliant....
other than that.. i think i might want to die.
oh about sharon seng. There are a lot sharon sengs, when i put the name up there, it was just to see what reaction would pple get. To the person who really wanted to know why i put sharon seng there, dont.. unless you're unhappy that some other person's got the same name as you, or misusing it.. we arent angmor and dont have flowery names yea? That's the part about being chinese. So... go find something else better to talk to me about... yea.. sorry.. i find that is no need to explain why i put it as sharon seng and other experiences. I just like it as it is. tell me why i shouldnt?
Sunday, December 14, 2003 10:01 p.m.
dont think twice its alright. souns in the hed: korn's look in the mirror, bob dylan's greatest hit 2, hopesfall's the satellite years, mew's frengers, the smith's the queen is dead and the boredoms creation new sun.
sigh sigh... the previous entry was a hiccup. hur hur..
armpitas:sorry cant put up the photos that i promised on the pourknowgraffiti page or something, well its kinda harder on pitas. Ha!
one more time:well jammed with the other two guys from chocolate tiger and well.. i was abit uncomfy with the set up yea. Well im not used to be like in charge of the overall energy and u noe.. i admit i used to be quiet and u know, usually more concerned with playing over what's already made up and make it better! Apparently playing with speed camera ahead really helped me out alot totally, i guess playin as the bassist opened up my (y)ears alot to the music!
well its funny cause i made up alot of shit on the spot during the jam, and the guys cant really keep up or tie them together into something solid. Like we got this one that i intended to be a nice rocking upstart beatles like number! hahaha, complete with the rocking change in key solo nice nice...was good but i wanted to make it alot more complex and energetic... just couldnt do it. Another one sounded pretty thin at the beginning, i was trying to force in a psuedo COck Rock riff into it, which to my delight became a Husker Du Type rocker! Its sounds greaT!!
well.. i guess the guys are not used to be fact that i'd rather put down the music map on the chorus the verse than GO KAboooOOOMMM with the vocals.. hahahha.. i liked it when i started singing with a westerberg/mould sneer like automatically when i played the guitar thru thick shit chorus and a marshall stack.. hahaha.. i like it really. really.
sicky!:well ive been totally sick the last few days sufferin from a flu. This morning i woke up dazed and hungry and devastated a tub of prunes which was the only damned thing i could find, and... Wah LA!! My poop comes up like the damned niagara falls Lor.. i went to see miller who's working as the calender cashier at border's just now and had a hard time clamping ma' arse shutz. MAN!
mythology: i saw this great book about The band and how these canadians (plus one arkansas guy) defined the romance of pre industralized americana . I went over and totally drooled over The band's expanded copy of Music from the big pink.i started thinking hard whilst browsing thru some missisipi john hurt cds: What KIND OF 22year OLD IDIOT LISTENS TO THIS SHIT! Well.. it dawned on me that i know/understand/tolerate more about this oldtime ragshit amercan folk/blues nonsense abit more than the nu-every-fuck-electronic-shit thing that's making the money. i dunno there's a wierd air of familarity when i see the cover of Johnny cash's live an san quentin. MAn.
personally u might be asking why i find this whole countryaltbeatstoryshit thing so.. wow. Well it extended much more from the core of idea of the authencity of music really, the unpretentiousness of musicians living it out and singing about it. It's not about the business man.. it's the mountain song. The song that was passed down from generations to generations that makes up more like a genetic blueprint of how we live in the characters in the song. fuck man.. machum britney spears or WateverFuckDjcock rather defines the total bullshit the world is in. Well, its a good alternative for that really, ever wondered what happened to those carpenter's songs? Just pull an old carpenter song out and hear it. What do u feel?
the whole idea of response is what im gettin at now somewhat. I used to hate fucking country man. brandon's gotten in it now.. I feel like buying him A REALLY good album for xmas. Man..
dylan again: Of self abuse and watever what not.. "it's all over now baby blue" has to be the greatest end of everything song ever written. It just makes me all choked up or something when i hear him sing "look out tthhhhheeEEEE angels aaaAARRRREEE CCcoomin' thruUUuuuuu" its like... i dunno man. i Feel something religious in me just cave in. It's the kind of song U just cant get sick of. Man.. another goot song has to be percy's song man.. its just. It just makes me think about sitting around in church halls.. and.
TALking about sitting around. "dont think twice its alright" is the song that sings alot about how i used to sit around in voiddecks dreaming into the overhead lights maybe studying or moping about broken hearts, mainly the latter. If i had heard this song last time i wouldve recovered faster really it's just. yea.. just hear him sing the lines " I once loved a woman, a child I'm told
I give her my heart but she wanted my soul
But don't think twice, it's all right" man.. its like.. i will make my kids listen to bob dylan there are so many beautiful images and things that u can feel and hear for.
end:i sat around town and kept wondering alot. wonder wonder wonder. came to no conclusion take a fag. wonder wonder wonder. im in love with someone or something and i wish that it could be you.. hahaha.. yea.. i guess im beginning to believe that love's too good for this world that intelluctualizes, puts laws, segregates or exterminates love. I had a dream and.. it was nice thinking about acoustic guitars and playgrounds with sand and not those stupid boring padded floors. I guess its back to camp soon.. and with ma' buddy holly smirk hope that you're fine where ever u are and take care.
Monday, December 8, 2003 06:26 p.m.
sans scrik #1 souns in the hed: Faye wong's Tian kong, Open hand's the dream, Echo and the bunnymen's crocodiles, deftones' s/t, joy division's Still, Poison the well's opposite of december and van halen's fair warning.
killborn youth:im depressed. I am so fucking depressed over the state of things its bloody killing me. I am so wanting to just be a van halen song man. Like the drums pounding, guitars wailing and david lee roth saying YES take it off. Elvis man.. its so elvis.. whaddaya think of elvis now? ya thinking of your unborn son? Dude.. or whaddaya teeeennn kkkeeeeennggg... think ah'll ask ya some 'ther 'ime right? You rattle ma' brains and shake my something? gotta a lyric? sing to me like how 'ol gran ma sang on the way.listen listen whistle. Ah like ma' harmonica, i play until ive lost ma' wind.
killborn tooth: i puked all over my fucking jeans yesterday. Its been a long time since i got myself this high, wasting away, facing the grandiose test of sanity.. which i die die confirm fail one... HA! Stupid nameless soundtracks to concealed hardons and emotional psychodramas, what glory is our civilisation! What would mankind be without the glorious legality of alcohol all around the world to warm your belly.
i lay in my vomit comtemplating the the little snippets of the dinner i had. Abit of tomato here and there, an anonymous piece of whitish grain, all dowsed by my naturally fantastic stomach in e33. Wonder!oh Wonder! In the midst of my stupor, a numbess shook me and took me back to what i had done before:
i watched igby goes down and.. i cannot imagine how much i related to igby in the movie. The characters, the situations well.. not exactly but after the show i felt extremely light headed, like after you've had an intimate first kiss with someone. I trodded down to borders with magdalene to look at cds and only found one album appealing enuff for purchase (lust): Joan baez's the first ten years with the song that i so want to own, the song "love is a four letter word". Whilst everyone is whisked away to bliss with jazzy comforts i prefer the serene drone of folk. Incredibly sexless and depressing. Great stuff.. the mountain song.
blessed by sheer exuberence i made my way down to zouk where i was greeted by nubile nymphets with their appetites whetted, nicely by elizabeth wurtzel and sarah jessica parker. Their eyes marked with the sharpness of a tech freak looking at hardware, forever guessing the abilities of my hardware which ended faster like a 286 computer. my enthusiastic friends caught me wrapped me in beautiful embrace, that would make my mother blush and i fed myself with pure liquids.
you cant say much really cause i cant remember. Excellent. I really think that im never ever going to fall in love or maybe its my consistently developed philiphobia working its way. Is it rejection? Nah.. i never look at girls when im zouk. "Oh.. i know.. its the army hahaha"
Army.. army.. army army.. AR ME!! Its happening again, u know the thing when ur so sick of things. Its going to make u keep shitting all this. The who went ga ga on something "i cant explain" and went next to something only they can explain (my generation).
an excercise on reckless violent writing:
(earlier on in the day i nearly got knocked down by a mid 20s fatherfucker who drove a space wagon with his hot peroxide fuckmate)
the violent writing. Crash, boom, rip, pull. Suck and tease. Further squeese SQUeeeEEEEEEeeeEEEeeeEESSSSSSEEEEE then consolidate what u have, and use what u have collected SELFishly to your own advantage.
god.. oh god.. im listening to KOrn again.. WHY! remember how i actually felt so much for the song "faggot" in secondary school? Remember how much i died in council? Remember how i would always bite my nails and cut words in my thighs? How i would cut myself trying to undo the puzzle to fit the pieces again. How juvenile! The inquisitive mind is one that is tireless! sad how bravery is gone to waste? how masturbatory your efforts are!
the mantra suits u. It so does really, even if you deny ever having breathe a word. I could hold u in my arms and still never forget that i have to book in camp.
Oh glorius day has come at last! anon anon will the sheets be spread over my bed anew! Like a glistening porn star!
U've lost your will to live again! Death is what youre dreaming of? A means to an end? (i put my trust in you)a joyful division between what's changin and constant. With a palm tungsten/w in my hand man.. we could go on!
help me i am in hell. I've always been.
man i am so st. trent reznor.
or maybe st. johnny cash brandon
or maybe st. leslie cheung
or maybe i could just for once be you for one day. yes you. haha.... fuck m@n. st elvis pray for us.pretty pretty gods make empty empty followers.
next week.... photos: Pourknowgrafy. photos of ma puke to jack off to complete with mos burger tomato slices and pictures of fellow circle jerk mates. LIve the Dream clark kent.
Monday, December 1, 2003 01:19 a.m.
the ghosts of electricity. souns in the head: Poison the well's opposite of decemeber, neil young's tonights the night, sloan's one chord to another, bob dylan's new morning and jesus and mary chain's psychocandy.
help!:well oh well, im so totally drained from the church camp i helped out last weekend. I was suppose to be only a musician but ended up being much more a facilitator for grps than playin though.. but it was great still. Realised how kids hate the p and w sessions alot, because its very solem and all, i totally understand why really. Other than that i got pretty close to understanding how the participants are and everything. One of my old cat classmates' sister was in my group and the whole rest of the bunch were somehow connected to me in some way, including super piano prodigy joakim whoa...
loose:man.. im totally tired out losing the verve in the writing. Anyways.. heh watched resevoir dogs and freddy vs jason last night on dvd which was great. Loved resevoir dogs only cause of tim roth which was MAN!EVIL! in his role as Mister Orange. Freddy vs Jason, was totally beautiful: bloodfestival, SExscam, Campshit, bigtitcontest, hormoneorgy watever!! IT WAS gREAT! Made me cry tought serious, the fight TO BATTLE ALL FORMS OF DECADENCE IN TEENAGERS IS ONE TO THE DEATH!!!!!heh heh ok ok abit overdoing there heh.. im still sensitive ok?
st elmo's fire:watched st elmo's fire this afternoon on the telly. I always wanted to watch this movie which was made in the 80's with the original 80's bratpack where most of them appeared too on the breakfast club. Emilio estevez, Rob lowe,demi moore and all.. but where's molly ringwald.. man.. i always told myself to watch pretty in pink and 17 candles but yea. OK back to the movie, st elmo's fire tells the story of a bunch of kids who stick with each other after grad and all the stuff about growing up. I think its a great story. things start to go all mental when they start falling in love, esp. with each other here and there. Emilio gets obsessed with upperclass Babe Andie macdowell here, and wat he gets and does in the end is classic. U get Rob lowe going around being an asshole playin sax leads like there's no tomorrow in a band. C'mon its the 80's, the hair the jackets and man...sometime where we grew up in but never fully experienced.
selfless: well, all these movies and all got me thinking about the weekend alot. Its been like a year plus since ive helped out in any church camp, and... it feels good actually, like going home. I heard this, that there's a small town in everybody's heart, and i think wat it means that there's this special place, where special people are and special memories are. I kinda was wandering around church and all, thinking alot about the past and realised how i used to spend ALOT of time in church, playing the guitar and all that stuff. It was great, when the world consisted of school and church. It was well simple.
Its funny, who would have ever thought of something like this: Imm, Francis, herry, Nat, jerry, mel and me. Best of buds. just like the buds in st elmo's. Going thru all these totally radical changes in life dude. Falling in love and then falling out. Hurting ya and hurtin me. Being forced to live the life. man.. haha.. all the fun times. I wish i could write a book about it. For a moment i'd admit that it really felt like we could hang out forever. Like ForEVER! man... the camp made me feel alot of community again, and i was wondering how can i.. tell people about it. man.. i dreamt just now abt how me and mel where fighting for the wheel of the car on the way to church, man it was hilarious really, i bet i was laughin in my sleep.
all in all. thanks for everything guys. there is a small town in my heart and u guys are in it forever, along with the prata shop HAHAH!!
Tuesday, November 25, 2003 08:03 p.m.
the peroxide blues ambition souns in the head: the byrd's the notorious byrd brothers, REM's document, Bob dylan's infidels, Explosions in the sky mp3, my bloody valentine's loveless, his name is alive's mouth by mouth, Mew's frengers, The still's logic will break your heart, The electric soft parade's the american adventure and tom mcrae's just like blood.
misunderstood: First and foremost i would like to tell all the people out there that i think that REM's losing my religion is the worst..WORST misunrepresentative song that MOST people think that its their best song. MAN.. it sucks.. I dont CARE if it has that inbetween the lines kind of meaning or shit that means your smart or anything really! MAN... this month REM's greatest hits get released and ITs amazing how it wont change people's mentality about the song being their BEST. In my Shitty unworthy opinion.. The BEST AND GREATEST REM songs.. would be "talk about the passion" and Of course.. the song that i would love to cover.. "its the end of the world (and i feel fine)".
after hearing again for like god knows when since guitar world printed the tablature for it in years ago, which i felt was absurd for such a simple song. It sings like an updated "subterranean homesick blues" in fact.. I THink it is!MAN the bloody song rocks rocks rocks and roll!It reminded me of the time in secondary school when i would sing the chorus to myself when i took back my exam papers.. hah. THe guitars the lenny bruce.. the government. MAN.. I didnt understand the verses but when it hits the chorus.. BOOOoooOOOoooOOOOOooooMMMMMMmmm@@@!!! that's it.. the raw conclusion of the beat rap barrage of images! ITs the end of the world mother fucker!! Then we go again into another salvo of syllabuses that u dont have to hear deep to rock? well that's secondary if u want to, u know to read the lyrics and go "whoa.. he's smart!" and again we get blown sky high by the chorus! this time though with mister mills and buck singing in the bckgrnd "i need some time alone". Look.. the world's ending, i feel fine and what? Now i need sometime alone! HELL YA!!
what's up:well, ive wasted my money on some new things again. ITs really like im postponing all the fianacial responsibilities that's soon to kill me after i finish army. I bought invisible republic by greil marcus, Hard rain by tim riley, Aesthetics of rock and roll by richard meltzer. All brilliant books; invisible republic written by ubersleekcool greil marcus about bob dylan's basment tapes and the rich "underground" "invisible" sub watever ,taxanomist wet dream of the americas. Hard rain by tim riley starts of the introduction decontructing the beauty and merits of bob dylan's crude singing, its a commentry on bob dylan's album and shit.
visual artifice:OK.. im a loser, i bought bob dylan's dont look back on DVD for 52 dollars at HMV, and its the greatest rock and roll movie. Super way cool dylan mindfucks senlessly a science student about the science of human relationships and WINS! hooray BOB! He goes on the "smoke" (u noe army term smoke) a time magazine interviewer concerning the truth and the mass media at large! Filmed in black and white, this docurama is very very extremely raw and well thought up. All the facets of rock stardom that would come to a shock to most dylanites are here: sex symbol, prophet, chain smoker, lover, Bum, talented joker and above all.. a man with a heart. beautiful and essential for film students. i think hah!
serioushit: man. The other day i got a belated birthday present and i really wanted to collect it earlier cause i was wanting to watch a dvd. I tore open the funny overwrapped paper on it and guess what.. I TOTALLY forgot about this movie. I remember how i watched it and nearly cried because of the DRAMA and TRAGEdy and COMEDY.. i was very much entertained, in fact wholesomely entertained by Man on the moon. Man on the moon starrin jim carrey in this mock bio pic about the late andy kaufman is a great film. So good that i havent watched the DVD yet. Its a great film and not movie cause it deserves to be watched again and enjoyed like wine.. i want to see Paul giamatti again i want to get pissed off by tony clifton, i want to fall in love with courtney love again (SHe's GOOD@) i want to laugh and cry again. Its a comedy of errors so much so as an error in the comedy of life itself, tragic dude. Man on the moon displaces myself right up there, with the man on the moon.
army stuff and depressing shit:well, its been ok in the army, counting and counting the days until i get done with things and carry on living yea. I'll be doing a course in MDIS on mass communcations and live like william gibson's characters in Pattern Recognition. I serious do not know where society i can fit in, let alone in any girl's heart, im quite a whore-bum really sigh(had to add that bit about girls hah!). Alot of ideas have been in my head and yea, it seems that the whole illusion of song and dream are fading now really. I could listen to john mayer all day and not feel jaded. somewhat.
weeks ago, i went back to JI for the school closing ceremony and i met some really old friends. I met this girl whom i had a crush on real bad, i never failed to always be sitting behind her during economics lectures. Never did talk much but yea? the whole school reunion thing was so much like an american high school reunion, all the screaming the cheerin and man.. changing. My teachers were telling me how skinny i was insetead of beefing up like the rest of the guys, in my opinion, i think those guys are fattening up rather than hunkying up.
I remember how damn out of place i felt in the damn school save it for some people like Miss Teh and Billie and yea.. its funny how i was stugglin with the fact that i cant remember shit about JI at all. AFterall i was a councillor, head of welfare, SYF gold award for drama,started the lunchtime gigs, scared girls with my sermonizing and realised how important it is to speak chinese.i'll never forget how much i went thru during the last year when i a's was happening and me and mel fell out. The nervous breakdown and meeting chen and the rest of the neighbourhood guys. The funny solo acoustic performances where i played songs like The verve's "so sister" and "sonnet", beatle's "in my life", humpback oak's "circling square" and my own stuff.. hahaha.. people just couldnt understand me and all. When someone that really understand's u just says something like "i dont want to understand u anymore", the world just tears away like wallpaper.
that day when i got the dvd i realised that once u understand someone in a point in time in this life, understand as in.. u noe.. yea that persons acknowledges that.. it sticks. Just like how u hear a song that's so goddamm simple and rocking, how carthatic it is to listen to it! it makes u dance!:u understand the song. After a few days, u dont remember the song, but u remember the dance the rocking and that's all that matters, u never forget. thanks you.
Tuesday, November 18, 2003 06:28 p.m.
what do you see. souns in the head: the mothman prophecies OST, bob dylan's desire and another side of, the byrd's tambourine man, bob dylan's self-potrait and the how-come-radiohead-doesnt-sound-like-they-beat-this bob dylan's uber classic Time out of mind..
rock no roll:oh well here we go. I started the weekend by watching the underrated mothman prophecies onn DVD, with the fabulous mtv of low's "half-light" on it. Man what a trip the movie is, the visual equivalent of joy division's dreams touching from a distance slowdive's deeper narcosis nightmares. Absolutely fucking charming. About richard gere, its ok.. he basically takes the john doe character template off primal fear and works it out of the status quo like anyone would, sufficient, anything more would spoil things i guess.
rock to roll: i watched barberalla too.. which counts as one the worst movies ive ever watched other than space nymphoid in dinosaur land (its a real movie.. im serious i did watch it.). it stars ultra sexy jane fonda, and roger corman.. which explains the cheese. U should watch it esp. for the opening seqence which has barberalla (jane fonda) slowly peeling off her spacesuit to reveal her (ahem) flesh, in time to stand naked in a video conference meetin with her superior earth leader. Her spaceship with angora interiors and multiple spacesuit changes all to a ultra groovy hip 60's soundtrack. What can i say. She actually seduces an angel, has sexwithout stripping clothes and shows her nipples thru the suits.
in space no one can hear u scream!:watched alien too, ridley scotts super imitated space horror flick. Excellent shit, esp knowing wat's to come after. Aparrently reading the alien faq after i watched it cleared up lots of things really. Super cool fact.. Ash the cyborg on the nostromo's played by ian holm.. who would play bilbo baggins on the LOTR series!@ har... my precious... anyway im too tired to write more..
concluesion: i watched pet semetary to top off the movie marathon thingie, and it was great to watch it again. My favourite story to sum up what i got from this movies has to be Edgar allan poe's berenice, which i still re-read once in a while, still its alot more personal than fall of the house of usher. The way all the characters are toppled out of the status quo by circumstances, all seem incredibly relevant to things now.When i watch horror movies i get tired easily because its physically draining, to get all those goosebumps and all.. akin to watching a great porno i guess.
well about myself, i realised some things, and i'd be a lie to confine it to just trust and friends and all. Rather how much things have changed. Since my birthday, its suddenly dawned on me that im going thru growing pains. Some things like having no band to play in, diminishing creativity, lack of imagination, lack of respect for the opposite sex, impoliteness, rejection of things like movies theatres magazines and all like, increasing paranoia...
it all started with bob dylan's time out of mind and it started me thinking hard about things since me and mel broke up. About what ive lost and how much ive lost since then. I could list them all really. Bit by bit, im degenerating and most gracefully. I can feel it all pulling away from things already.
i admire this old friend billie so much about the subj she's doing in UK. MAn. i could be richard meltzer.. she's doin philo and journalism. MAN...
the only good thing that's happened recently is when i smiled at geraldine the other day at church and she smiled back. What i saw in myself was something i knew was artificial in a way, like its not suppose to be so. I can feel so much of myself just burnin away with each day. Now i wonder what's going to be left.i cant trust myself cause there's nothing left to trust anymore. I slowly noticing my destructive tendecies towards old friends and all. itz like im becomin the brucebanner or the brucewayne.. i need a name to strike fear in the hearts of men!
I was born here and I'll die here against my will
I know it looks like I'm moving, but I'm standing still
Every nerve in my body is so vacant and numb
I can't even remember what it was I came here to get away from
Don't even hear a murmur of a prayer
It's not dark yet, but it's getting there.
bob dylan's its not dark yet from time out of mind.
Tuesday, November 4, 2003 02:50 a.m.
roll another number souns in the head: neil young's tonight's the night, bob dylan's bootlegs vol 5 and vol 6 '66 and '75 respectively, thursday's excellent new album war all the time (sounds like early october/boy U2 lyrically) and bob dylan's boigraphy.. indespensible boxed sex with a 50 page liner notes and track by track analysis by cameron crowe (director/writer for vanilla sky and almost famous)... god..
in my time of dying: well, another week's gone and ive promised myself i will not buy another dylan record until im properly done with what i already have. I cant help it really, once u hear the first sentence with that voice.. That Voice u just cant help but wanna listen. Its just like having an older brother or something i dunno. U wont say like im gonna hear this story cause im going to learn shit abt lyric or music, or if i hear this is gonna be cool or even man, but its because its good.Really? Neil young's tonight's the night kinda grows like smashing pumpkins' adore, shitty man.. just pure shitty shitty vox and all.
borrowed tune:i guess this whole bob dylan and neil young thing is an inevitable consequence to my search for authencity and.. its kinda inbuilt that sad slow songs say lots more than fast hard ones (with the exception of hopesfall and thursday blah blah blah). i dunno, but it feels really comforting to hear lyrics from the both of them that really makes up what i feel comfortable most thinking about, and come to think of it, its depressing somewhat what these guys sing about. I guess that's it, these guys sing what they really are, and there's a connection made somewhere. I learnt one thing from my current starvation period (where im totally losing my appetite big time.. must be psychosomatic or something), that before the music there is a man, but who is man? Bob dylan quotes rimbaud on the biography notes when asked about songwriting, he said "i dont think of myself as bob dylan. As rimbaud said "i is another"". Who is that another.
I read this incredibly naked entry on self identity on this blog, and u start thinking about self identity. Its quite a passe term really, afterall u have retro here future that, u can go to a rave in a old airplane hanger dressed like jimi hendrix. From one my old entries i said something like "songs are about the past dreaming about the future for the future" or something like that. Diggin into cultural rubbish bins and all, have we forgotten a future that we had in the past?
syd mead: Syd mead uber cool futurist designed whatever fuck shit from the dropship from alien trilogy to flyin cars in blade runner to the lightcycles in tron. His dream of the future, i mean taking into consideration the technology required i'd said it would take alot more decades for it to ...come true? The truth is maybe we've lost the plot altogether, maybe all those dreams of replicants has been tucked away in some part of our minds labelled "funny things that i dreamed of but will never happen" along with meeting bigbird on sesame street and having gizmo from gremlins as a pet.. ha. So what exactly are we just dreaming of? Within the truth? or are we just liars and enjoying it in time for the sequel?
skeletons: the other obsession i have now is none other than thomas harris' red dragon, which i think is a literary murder mystery masterpiece (says alot about how much i read eh? rather its because im ultra selective). I could start all over the place on the book but yea.. i'll hold. I watched the one with ed norton and harvey keital, making comparisons to manhunter. Well, guess both are equally good cept that ralph fiennes just made the tooth fairy look like a FAGGORT, which he isnt suppose to be. Ed norton does his primal fear thing again to piss of the tooth fairy. Harvey keitel does a fucking excellent job playin Special agent jack crawford playing the urgency and tension just with his prescence. Man.. but the lethargic edward norton just screws up everything. really fuck him. About hannibal lector, has anyone noticed how is he played in the movies? Will graham consults lector on every thing about the case and he reveals everything about the killer vaguely enough for him to solve the case. Still essential to fucking will graham. think about this.. will graham has the ability to be incredibly emphatic to his prey, but lector.. he's not just intelligent, but he's like will's sensei! with that, we know that both are equally fucked up, only to different degrees, the only difference is who's more in control. ok i lost my train of tot and time's up gotta go... and ?Book in hope u like the shit i wrote..
Sunday, October 26, 2003 09:47 p.m.
birthday. shaun's hitlist for the week: plainsunset's the gift, bob dylan's bootleg's volume 5 rolling thunder revue, neil young's zuma and decade, low's the curtain hits the cast and things that got lost in the fire, mercury rev's the deserter's songs and yerself is steam, the fire theft's s/t, hopesfall's the satellite years and televsion's marquee moon.
greatest thing in the world now: the stroke's "12:51" video directed by roman coppola which has the band in the neon drenched world of tron. Beautiful. I watched it like three times and still i wanted to cry. Check out the trail on julian casablanca's mike when he swings it around. SWeeT... oh did i say that the album "room on fire" is great.
john: yea.. happy birthday. I had alot of things i wanted to write initially but yea. I'm reading the little prince now, alongside thomas harris' red dragon and bob dylan lyrics. Take all that together and yea. I went out alone today, nobody was free to go out with me at all. The night b4 i spoke to mel and its funny how i really am so not myself when i talk to her.
paul:yea from that weekend where i didnt eat and all... I learnt a few things.. that its always the man before the music. Bob dylan's stuff affected me big time, it wasnt about disenfranchised 60's youth or anything, it wasnt about the government.. it was about relationships. I learnt that there is no true innocence, and that it doesnt happen when you're a kid or anything. True innocence is forever, like how i still eat up records and eat the shit.
bob dylan's life and times affected me big time along with the whole david geffen sell out thing, about how rock n roll became big money. How fire theft sounds like YES, like how bob dylan's tangled up in blue can mean the world. It cemented something in my head and heart. So much so i wanted to alienate myself, somehow no one else listens to shit like that i knw off, or think the same way i think. i'll never knw really.
george:the beauty of things never felt so dim really, this is not how i imagined i would be like when im 22. Im not driving, im not married, im not ambitious. U cant help but feel that im screwed. The beach boy's "i just wasnt made for these times" just keep ringing on my head. The other night i cried to pet sounds, and made a mental list of albums my kids must listen to when they grow up.
ringo: take it this way. Im retarted, total escapist freak. Believe me u wont imagine how much money i spend on getting material or CDs haha. i wrote two short stories.. one called "the death of suzie ong" and "wank holiday". both are suitable new paper front page material.
end: i just realised that its impossible to ever think about falling in love with not just girls, but society again. Its just.. bland.. i missed you really. but then again ask yourself who are you.
my birthday dream, that i had while sleepin to low: i was batman, i had fallen in love with a girl(mel) but couldnt go on with it. The police had me surrounded cause she's like the mayor of gotham city (all in glorius bob kane art) and she doesnt understand me. Although comissioner gordon knows that im true, he still has to stop me. I dodge the bullets and tommy guns and helicopters and i get hurt. Im dangling from the empire state building and mel approaches on a helicopter with a loud hailer saying something i cant remember, and she fires off a round from her pistol. I fall off... and someone catched me. I wake up to find myself in the batcave with joy division's atmosphere playing and alfred and someone else.
that someone's the only person that could get me out of this shit. I then take a ride in her cadillac and she brings me to this old english castle where a banquet is held. At the main table's bob dylan and joan baez, with frank zappa as a clown. Billy corgan and james iha motions to me to join their table, i sit.that person someone that sits beside me then hold my hands and tells me not to worry. I smell the wine and i get heady, much more especially when that someone puts her head on my shoulder and i smell her. Powder. next moment im in love. I find out its all being a comic book that i read when i was young about 12. then i woke up from my dream.
Tuesday, October 21, 2003 08:18 p.m.
r(a)pe souns in the head: bob dylan's blonde on blonde and John wesley harding, american music club's san francisco, fort apache, system of a down's toxicity and bad brain's i against i...
damn..
riot control:because of the previous entry melissa's ripped me to bits about me hating her and no wanting to be friends. come to think of it why of all things? she said something that were true.. that friendships are meant to be easy going, but that's how i felt and still do too. Its easy that she can be someone that i can love, but hard to be someone who'd love me or even be friends. The same goes with everyother person that comes across me. Its gotten perverse beyond understanding i guess.
mark eitzel's voice causes some thoughts up to the surface, the thin horizon between two different places, afterall where's down and where's up? Im totally tired, of the contradictions between what i think of her and what i feel she thinks of me. It's strange how people treat you, how u act with them, approximates the person that is you. All i know's that its important that mel knows me, because its what she thinks of me that determines who i am. Now what's that? Is it because im in love with her still? Cant get over her? From where i am, i think not.
she was asking me why she deserves the attention i give on my entries. I dont know why? Maybe its because its gotten to a point where i totally am obsessed with my every little reaction when i contact her, maybe its because i feel the authencity when things happen in relation to her?
alliteration:I am not sure how things should go really, sky seems pretty blue from where i am. She said that she would want to know more about me, but she's not ready. It's okay melissa. Its okay for her to tell me that she's not ready to do anything that would mean friendship to me. We'll play it by your rules. Afterall, im sick of playing by my own.
float:i could be dreaming of falling in love again. I could be thinking of how marriage can be. I could be thinking of driving and having my own house. I could be thinking of a pan asian wife. I between the lines, i could be dreaming of life without anyone else except myself.
feather:to find my way out would be running away from the most fragile thing that matters most. Its been sold in reality shows (like jackass), survivor, bachelorette and the amazing race. A community of pretentious sincerity ( sweat shit pain loss happy sad), when u know what's real is only real to youself. How's that for loneliness. it entertaining.
song: when will be day when i can say "im back" and truly feel that ive returned to something. im "still ill" (the smiths), and ive fallen once more to things like this and this. To say i'll never leave you.. is to say that i'll live true and this is what im doing.
