mixtape shit
im bored. here's my imaginary mix tape of the night
Sonic youth-Schizophrenia
Yo la tengo-Double dare
love and rockets-here on earth
the cardigans-sabbath bloody sabbath
velvet teen- penning the penultimate
david bowie-Five years
geneva- if u have to go
the get up kids- Coming clean
jawbox- ff=66
low-over the ocean
faultline- your love means everything
mercury rev-the funny bird
the beach boys- i just wasnt made for these times
jeff buckley-lilac wine
metallica-to live is to die
pavement-stereo
jimmy eat world-lucky denver mint
the cranberries-dreaming my dream
urgh.. ok.. im listening to simply red's simplified now.. i really like fairground alot.. what's with me and gay vocalists.. they just got more soul. really.
its raining like mad, and i cant help but feel so self conscious of updating this blog, esp. after doing a paper on singapore bloggers and their impact. Its nice and rainy, and im in my air con room with the lights dimmed listening to Yob's fantastic album "the unreal never lived", and i can smell my dog pinky underneath the chair where im sitting on.
these few days, havent been as boring as i expected really, i did something pretty naughty today:
>
today i was supposed to play guitar for church at 830am, but i was so tired that i .... kinda... haha "overslept". I hung out with chen till pretty late and shit, and i really couldnt wake up..
oh yea, more on guitar hobbyist news, i have acquired a second hand FM4, complete with really cheapskate looking Proel expression pedal. Now i have fully been inducted into the wonderful world of filter envelopes and fucking charmingly awful reproductions of vintage filter models. This purple monster is so going to blow up my amp soon... next i need a nice octave pedal.. hur hur hur...
well, last night something happened that i really got a BIG reality check. I went to borders to look at books and shit, and i happened to see this person from a certain band walk pass me. This certain person is from this certain band who released a certain album whom i certainly know we have met and talked before who is certainly alot more than a stranger to me. ESPECIALLY, after i got really gaga gaga after this certain band released a certain ep that i totally loved and raved about. I even went so far as to really, get people to listen to it and all, cause i really believer they deserve the attention. I even was thinking about doing a blog review about it.. but... anyway
back at borders.. after i saw him walk pass, i was like "oh yea! he's here" so i went to another aisle and there he was walking towards me. I looked up at him and said "hi! how are you" with the equilvalent of a convent girl (argh), and he just looked back at me and gave me the "wHO THE FUCK ARE YOU" kind of smile and walked off. I felt like a total idiot.
i think its a big blow to my ego and to my ideals about how people whom i say hi to really think of me. Im serious. I kept asking myself, why the fuck didnt he at least said hi or something, no bullshit about being shy and all.
ive seen him a couple of times and at his certain band's gig and all. I am very disappointed and has reinstated my distaste (which i had before but after hearing their ep i was like floored and couldnt help but love them) and this certain band and their certain people for their totally artistic and pretentious snobbery and will never ever bring their ep to good light, because this experience nullifies whatever heart that their music gave me.
ALL in all, i will not do this to people ever.
in other words.. FUCK YOU!
on to other things. I will try to update more often because. i think that these few days of not having an outlet to write has made me...a tad handicapped in the linguistics department in ma' noggin. I seem to converse now in wierd jumbled up grammatory vocabufuck talk. I have to get started on reading as well totally.
but seriously i am very disappointed by that certain person. as rock and roll as things can get, the inertia of their musical growth actually got to them. That's why i seriously hate it when people talk to me about being rock star and shit. Sad to say an entire sonic manifesto based on being real and blah blah can equate to such action outside the music. Its a scary thought really, and i hope i can elborate with clarity. Imagine: music played, tons of people feels its authencity, they get people all rubbed off. hot and bothered to real deal music. "i cant believe my fucking EARS!" "its SO REAL AND AUTHENTIC" "THE HONESTY!!". "so good that i can listen to it on my bus home and feel that locally written music finds its place within the context of SINGAPOREan Pre-fab HDB FLATS!".
after that they take all ur stupid little heartfelt urges urges and turns it into honest... honest desire to buy buyb uybuybubububybyuybubuybubububububububuybubbubububub after feeling like uve found a friend in their infalliable psychosonic contructs they kick u in the balls outside the matrix. Oh GOD ive been kicked in the balls.
the other day i went to queensway shopping centre. And i got myself cheap bootlegged Cure and black sabbath "headless cross" teeshirts. I brought them home and tired on the black sabbath one with my mum infront of me. guess what... i got scolded by mum like i was in secondary school oh what fun this is. HAHAHA she told me that will not wear this shirt to church.. because its SANTANIC. yes i do hear the santana riffs and tones in Iommi's playing. Santanic IT IS! supernatural.......
ok will write more some other time.. after ive recovered from (indie)rock star trauma... or rather local music fanboy whiplash.... man indie music could be the bird flu ... worse thing's now its spread from humans to humans and not from migrating packages UPS marked with wings, and in them carrying the hottest new indie releases...and more restocks of arcade fire coming to the Econminimart near you.........
today (yes i had to start with that.) .. once again.. Today, i woke up at 11am, ordered pizza, that canadian pizza thing, where u get two for one. A few days ago i went to pizza hut and ate the pasta there which was horrible, i nearly puked really. to make up for the bad taste and my disappointment in pizza hut, i had some nice canadian pizza, which i planned to eat out of for the rest of the day. As of now, there is half a pizza left.
after munching down pizzas at lunch i went to sleep. woke up at 4pm to watch a movie on the boobtube with a young Dan Akroyd and Fran Drescher called "doctor detroit". fucking boring.
the best part came when i decided out of boredom to plug in and rock out on my 'lectric guitar. (how lame). It was fun really, i havent played in like weeks, and ive come to the conclusion that germanium loaded fuzzboxes really add life to ur playing. I went from super sabbath single note riffs, to nice MBV/starflyer 59 dream chunks, to nice husker du/bad religion chords all with one pedal.
Welcome to the wonderful world of the guitar hobbyist, where we play music only to make ouselves feel happy and not for some audience. It was nice really, picking out wierd country rock riffs that mustve come from hearing too much Sweetheart of the rodeo era byrds, and trying to get some nice fuzzed out dream shit from hearing too much of brian eno and harold budd's records.
it dawned on me that i really feel like recording a punk rock husker du-ish song haha, where i can sing about feeling bored.
anyway, ive been transferring all my old tape recordings from cassette to my little ibook via imic which i borrowed from a friend. I touched it up abit on garageband, and ive started on "theGenerators" set of songs. hahaha yea... lame..
while walking back from my 7-11 with my big gulp awhile ago, i went pass wineflair, that wine drinking place that appeared on the newspapers awhile back, and i saw Patti smith on the video screen inside, for some live performance... wierd.
ive began helping out at church and im really in need of some help. some u know input or something like that. the other day i was walking to church and i just felt that i was doing things out of boredom instead of God and sutff.
oh btw, bonsai gurl u can always email me. My bedsheet has mickey mouse design on it. nice horh Kawaii.
these few days, i think that im just indulging myself in just being bored to maybe run away from somethings. i seriously think so. or im just affected by how people ALWAYS think im depressed and the best part they TELL ME that im depressed. Im also burdened by the feeling of being in love with someone but being too damn LAZY to do anything about it. better still, to futher acerbate procrastination, look at things from a bird's eye view, listen to Sunn0))) and stone to low subharmonic frequencies and just.. u know be angry about having to feel for someone.
Beer is boring, smoking is boring. movies are worst! Boring except for Godzilla:Final wars which has to be the most enjoyable movie ive watched in a long time. who says i can live with boredom, I AM THE LIVING BOREDOM!!!!
i think i'll get a slice of pizza, and think about how i used to wonder how the ninja turtles could live on nothing but pizzas but still remain fit and fight shredder's foot soldiers.
Tuesday, October 4, 2005 09:30 p.m.
Oh no here we go again.
ok basically. im going to do that cliche thing that all people with blogs do, write totally vague vomit when they feel shit. wait, ive been doing that manytimes already haha, but seriously i feel like shit.
so much so i am listening to phil spector produced christman album, beginning with the heart wrenching strings of christmas please baby come home.
someimtes i wonder what triggers off shit like what im... is going thru the right way to say it? i mean its happening its not like "going" until it does anyway and i dont think it'll ever go really. im not in the position to even think when it actually goes away really. Terrible terrible person i am really.
as all bad things that happen within the realm of our emotions and memories (really stupid yea im there already), it all started with another one of those dreams really.
its the usual shit that always happens every bloody september really, its stinking really. I really thought that i could avoid that whole September emo (arghh yes emo, im trying to be candidly positive about this.) bullshit, would have already u know, gone away. After last year when i totally didnt wish her happy birthday. I mean i tot this year, would be different, im working in a totally different world, totally different tools, different people and shit, and it still has to haunt me.
if uve been reading this blog enough u wouldve known what a prick ive been when it comes to well that ex girlfriend really.
ok ok i admit. just a few moments ago i clicked on her friendster profile (oh horrors... yes i am that lame) just to check, and she reverted to some profile where not everybody can view it. Apparently hooray! im not in the close friends list anymore, and usual per se, i feel absurdly, comforted. ok in this time where everything is worth talking about, i guess i couldnt help but make her worth talking about again. Its like a new conversational piece between my ego and my superego, where i can stare all long at the sky let them quarrel while i just get myself all beaten up again. kinda stupid huh.
well. i guess what i can do now. is really think of something more worth while. about what i dreamt of, its pretty scary. Its kinda like smoking... u finish that cigarette, u dettol-lize urself, listerine ur mouth, but u still feel it in your chest, the damage the smoke does to your lungs, at the same time feeling the surge of nicotine thru your veins.
i wonder how she is. really. but it stops there really,
when i was looking thru her photos. time really has passed really. and over.
wait i think i know when this whole how-is-mel thing started:
let me attempt to trace it phillip marlowe style.
1)it all starts with steph old church friend who smses me that she sees me at mass last weekend. i was thinking where she got the number from.
2)i asked myself what would mel think now that i've cut my hair really short after months of psuedo mullet-ry.
3)im stressed out by school work
4)i feel that i can talk to her and NOT piss her off the other day after i was talking to this girl.
5)i think i miss what she did. (man boy am i retarded!!!?? what kind of sentence is that?!?!?! i think i miss what she did!?!? - ok its an attempt at seperating the action from the person. what she did is not what she is, regardless of when and how.)
ok that's enough. the more i think about it, the more im going to let loose some serious shit in my head. I already can hear some semi rock arena size feedback going on the front house speaker in my head. IF i keep cupping the damn microphone im holding and not move away the damnnnn speakers ITS STILL GOING TO FEEDBACK!!!!!!!!....
i think i best just rip the cable off the microphone cable.
aaawww ggooodddd i think my life, or rather the way i think is too simple.
and i know herry's going to kill me for feeling this way.
suddenly phil spector talks about the album, and what he wants to express with this album. what a revelation.
Thursday, September 1, 2005 08:27 p.m.
more music for dummies
Believe the hype. BELIEVE IT. Mastodon just might be our generation's MOST EXCITING METAL BAND!!!
i remember hearing about Mastodon when they released remission a while back, and i heard the first track march of the fire ants, and i wasnt impressed really. I guess maybe i was going thru that whole metal is dead thing, that metal is going thru this whole entire genre specific kind of thing u know? Lamb of god's as the palaces burn was i thought as good as it gets, that straight fucked eat shit in your face thrash shit that sounded like RIDE THE lightning (my fave metallica album, minus the stupid slow songs.)
so here we are, HMV brings in shitloads and there are stark raving mad GLOWING reviews of Mastodon's latest album Leviathan. Based like a concept album on Moby Dick by Herman melville, I was thinking this has to be the STUPIDEST CONCEPT FOCUS, and that metal is going the dumps if they had to base it on a book like that.. what NEXT?!??!!?!?!?! Jane Austen?!! arrgghh
So's after reading more hype and hype, and dicovering that they had a re-release of the album in 5.1 sound surround and DVD. I went and get the album and true enough...... Believe the hype...
sounding REALLY like a wierd arse mix of swedish shit technical melodic metal (which doesnt get overburnt really) and some wierd truly down and groove heavy sleep/high on fire. I dont want to put out any band references, but.... it has that wierd neurosis/isis vibe as well, along with some truly good classic thrash/death metal thing... wierd.. this is one album that is .... TRULY METAL.
the album pushes along with an intensity that is really difficult of genre-lize. the albums opens with "blood and thunder", i remember hearing the song and thinking EEEeewwwww this sounds like kyuss-rip-off, pass the 1 minute mark and u should be converted, but i guess i was too busy thinking that metal was really sell out dead and headbangers ball vol.2.
Just go to relapse.com, the lable site and hear the samples for "march of the fire ants". Even on some tracks, they even cover the new metal pelican (yes. new pelican) instrumental rock aesthetic!!! Im serious!!! no one will believe me! The best part about mastodon is that they really cover ALL GROUNDS, its like...... they're this wierd Kitaro for metal, taking bits and pieces here and there. Oh OH and i did i mention the strange King crimson parts here and there?
ITS ABSOUFUCKING AMAZING!! (u can tell i was listening to the album while writing this)
sideline: Check out The life and times' Suburban hymns on Desoto records. good mature post radiohead blha blhab lhablah blah release. but really good. better than the solely (but not entirely) missed The gloria record. minus the chris simpson tear the blankets in pieces drenched in tears STOP WHINING vocals.
bottom line. if u have been listening metal, well maybe not quite deep but ive had my own fair share of metal maniacs back issues (ok ive never went that far to buy albums by Vader, Absu, Morbid angel, DArk funeral, DIO (yucks), CEpehalic Carnage, Marduk , Cradle of shit etc etc so that doesnt make me more of a metal fan...) in my closet and still listen to Mercyful fate's Abigail and scream ABIGGGggaaiiillllll everytime u get introduced to a girl called abigail... and started listening to Jesu and the new batch of METAL is dead boo hoo boo bands... THEN DOWnload mastodon and try it first im serious. ITs really invigorating! like japanese SHAMPOO!!!!
seriously. can anyone tell me who listens to burzum?
Wednesday, August 31, 2005 11:13 a.m.
U cant rock and roll in heaven #2
i was just listening to the latest album by The Tears and i have to admit its a mighty fine record really. Anderson and Butler sounds, terribly youthful and lovelorn forwards looking like mad on this album.
i have to admit that when the album first came out i was pretty reluctant to listen to the album. After the bowie space glam overkill on coming up and the wild Diamond Dog experiments on head music, and the pastoral post clubber masterpiece a new (hangover) morning, Suede i felt i was getting sucked into its own Sci-fi lullaby.
Suede came over to singapore twice and it was marvellous really, they came once for the Coming up tour and the next Head music tour. I went for both and i'll never forget the time he introduced "the wild ones" as the "the vagabonds" on the first show here. The tongue in cheek humour and romantisicm kinda got taken way too seriously in many ways i guess, but Suede just kinda couldnt get back to the wierd spacey melancholy on Dog man star and on their self titled.
many years later and seeing how britpop went from tropic wearing anorak clad ashcrofts and gallaghers to post shoegaze operatic radiohead pretentiousness, to soft quiet emerson lake and palmer lite folk. I'd have to include the pop hip hop what ever William Orbit produced jems that ALL SAINTS put out. From bedroom listening parties to dancefloor sing alongsI went from Smash hits to NME to Q and nothing. I'd have to say that The Tears made an album that's really worth raving about, dress codes do not appy. (anoraks and straight keith richard or early manics or looking like johnny marr hahah)
Seriously speaking, i kinda got this wierd vibe from the album. It sounds like Peter Murphy's solo album Cascade with the whole Im-pop-and-i-dont-care intertia crossed with the much more epic Smiths catalogue, complete with the uber hot shot guitarist Infinite guitar player, Michael Brook (see his collboration with Nusfrat ali kahn on Peter Gabriel's label) that was only on this record i think haha. Bernard Bulter's opening guitar lines for "imperfection", echoes many of Johnny marr's most underrated song intro's, and for once, I felt that Brett anderson's vocals have truly come into his own beautifully.
I have to admit that when i first heard "refugees" i was irked by the idea that they might be singing about some wierd homosexual relationship between anderson and butler themselves!! Im sorry its just this whole hooha post libertines and Blood brothers sexuality guessing game that really doesnt add value. i mean its been done, the whole boy George michael, mercury and bowie, kd lang, etheridge, bob mould, blah blah sexuality guessing game. hahah
The tears is a great album, with alot of elements that made britpop what is it, meticulously spaced out orchestral arrangements, and that nice trad rock guitar sound and did i mention harmonica? Its nice to know that an album like that is on the racks at HMV for once, really, other than the keanes, the coldplays and blah blah
perfect for in house listening and popping tarts across some dancefloor. oh yea, i read some blog entries about poptart overdoing it, and possibly mutating into Mambo night at Zouk, ive been for like 1/8 of a poptart and i heard Pearl by Chapterhouse and ride and ride and the clash and panic and hang the Dj hang the DJ and james and ... it just feels wierd. I just wish that they could play new music and more new wierd music, then it'll really feel like this great bedroom listening.
i'm not complaining about poptart or the aforementioned anoraks and kids rushing to complete their stone roses, manic street preachers, the smiths etc.etc. collections. I think its great really, that poptarts doing what they are, i guess its what we've always dreamed of, but not all the time haha.
gives a chance for mostly unknown Suede or britpoop freaks like me to come out of the closet and flaunt our cravats with our infemminate smiles to the snarl of a guitar straight to the end of the century........
that aside....
where in the world is Elastica? Why havent been sleeper albums been reissued? why Hasnt been the Verve DVD of their homecoming show STILL havent been release!?!?!? haha whoops??!!??sorry... some of the questions that havent been answered
but i wouldnt want to dance it out. haha on the dancefloor. i'll just stick to playing the raveonettes' pretty in black and getting lost thru uncertain times. or then again... maybe dig the swedish stuff that ive been wanting to get... or then again........
anyway, ive already gotten my hands on a Vexter Fuzz Fac already, cant say that it satisfies all of my Fuzz desires.. hahah but it sure can nail alot of sounds that really just... makes me want to buy a nice amp and smash it up and squish it and all.
Ok over the weekend, i did something that i haven't done in along time.. GO TO A GIG ALONE. Wow it was refreshing really, just felt really Own time own target and all. anyway, i went for the notorious POST ROCK FEST called aftermath of karaoke, i guess i wanted to just check out the bands that were playing though alot of people may be thinking that only wanted to catch furniture hahah.
anyway i couldnt even catch any of the bands that were at bay beats, because i was so caught up at the merch tent.. oh well..
anyway i got there on friday a little too late to catch Embryo, the uber guitar peddler all star band. I was in time to get a good seat for shame joanne shame, which was great really! I was really really super duper impressed by Joseph's guitar playing which was SUPER GOOD.. melding some wierd Def leppard hooks to some really nice atmospherics with the keyboards, the transitions were really good! Its my first time seeing them play, and i had to admit that the band added an extremely important variation to local instrumental music and blah blah.. Its like this what-if soundtrack to a re-make of teenage textbook! really good
i made a point to come early the next day.. i mean most the bands for the three days ive never seen live b4. the first band of the night was Documentary in amber, i was alittle like "what siale" after they're interview in Life! a week back, but i was really not thinking of that when i heard them play live. touches of explosions in the sky are still there, and the already cliche titles of impending doom and all and book of revelations, but musically i have to say that they had some really fantastic melodies that translated well. i cant make head or tail of most of the songs.. but it was a really good show. After the show an angmorh dude was shouting from the audience for a copy of the cd, which was really like wahhh.
later on i met the bassist and he told me that had like 30 copies of their demo and they were sold out before their set started. hahaha it was good .
next after them was I am david sparkle, which was introduced horribly by the MCs... ok.. it was just awfully cheesy.. hate to admit it. Anyway their set was marred by some major technical screwup's on amran's guitars, but it was a great first set for me. the first song was marvellous really, opening with some wierd doomy isis like low hung riff that didnt reach full fruitation because of amran's guitar. Deeper into the set...they some older songs which were really great.. and slowly setting themselves apart from the cliched kind of postrock stuff (which made me queasy in the beginnning ahha) I have to admit i was damn impressed when they played this entire song with just one rotating melody line that's ALL! when it ended i was like WOW... haha..
oh yea... honorable mention. I am david sparkle's guitarist Djohan and his fantastic THE ROOTS he was wearing.. uber respect man..
Next up was Funiture.. it was really nice, some days ago i was listening to their album and i came up with funny feeling that furniture's album just might be Asia's closest thing to The beach boy's pet sounds, with its uplifting teenage innocent symphonies to God. One of the members, Keng who... TOTALY BLEW me away with his musical mutli tasking ABILITIES (one of the members wasnt present so he had cover up guitars apart from his key board duties.), yea and he was wearing a Pet sounds shirt. WOW am i Psychic hahaha.... ok these are my own views lah. their set was good, but could tell that they had a little difficulty handling it with one man down.
Day 3, started with SUPER duper SUPRISE band.. citizens of icecream was waahhh old school shoe gaze man.... i was late and when i heard the band playing when i was walking to the esplanade, i thought it sounded like Gentlyfall... it was good man... employing THICK ASSSssssss Keyboards and CHORUS guitars..i bought their CD anyway. hahah
next was this thai band.. which i didnt know was playing, armed with thinny sounding guitars and a muscular drummer.. THIS BAND WAS ANOTHER SUPRISE... Eastbound downers played wierd 80's mission for burman/ gang of four punk rock with some really nice structures and all. The best part... ok for me ok? Was that the guitars was out of tune.. I LOVE IT WHEN GuitarS ARE OUT OF TUNE for live shows for energy bands like that. It was amazing really.. they ploughed on through with one of the guitarist breaking a string and all.. it was hot sweaty rock man... with all these vocals bits and clumps thrown around. SCARY thing i realised after i heard the guys cd i bought, which is not very well done, is that the lead vocalist sounds LIKE WAYNE COYNE from FLAMING LIPS. REALLY complete with the weak vibrato im going to crack voice! really cool ...
last band for the festival was Astreal... wow.. i realised when they kicked into projection, that i ve heard them play this song.. for a DAMN LONG time... ever since they played their album launch at Tower pacific plaza long time ago... well they've shortened it.. they played June 12 ... ultra fave..they seem more.. controlled i dunno... less noise i guess.. I still like their gig and baybeats two years back at the main stage. MAn that was their best show.
anyway i wrote alot im really tired.. hahaha will continue updating.. i promise... hahah
Tuesday, August 23, 2005 10:50 p.m.
on the eve of National day 2005
i love the way u wrote letters to me, they were written beautifully. Every letter u wrote had a morsel of wisdom that still stands even after i re read them years later, including references to an article in life! newspaper called "an ode to the hand written letter", with it the date, 23/12/00. Stuff about fate, about differences and how love makes up for differences.
i love it when u make me wait. Talk to me slowly and in some strange poetry. i like it when u let me see urself, at your most beautiful. When you walk pass me, i walk pass you.
Letters like about how we've become friends so soon. after calling u up and chatting. Playing in the same band as you, has helped me so much, but yet u still say that im the greatest. about how we share jokes that people dont really know.
i love it when u pick up the phone to talk to me. it less than a few minutes, but after that its more than what we can handle. To the cd racks we rake cultural floods digging for sonic treasures, soonafter we share them.
about thank you's, take care's, pray for you's and about having a videotape within a videotape in our heads. how we spend our days, trying hard to remember every moment cause we're so aware of how things, arent ever going to be this way. About comforting moments like being on a bus listening to the smashing pumpkins.
how your mother told u that as we get older, we get tired of keeping grudges and its easier to let go of anger and hate.
its amazing after so many years, that i got the message. that i wasnt listening at all that time.
i love it when u tell me about how we've grown and matured, reassured me constantly that the best part, is that we lived it together. The fact that u remembered "lord of illusions" like yesterday was nice.
i love it when i read these letters. There will never ever be letters like that anymore, from you, but at least i know where these letters come from. Letters like that survive a lifetime. and in this lifetime. these letters or no more than residual evidence of a life lived, but of a life yet to live.
happy national day.
it has more meaning than before i guess.
Monday, August 8, 2005 11:20 p.m.
on the eve of National day 2005
i love the way u wrote letters to me, they were written beautifully. Every letter u wrote had a morsel of wisdom that still stands even after i re read them years later, including references to an article in life! newspaper called "an ode to the hand written letter", with it the date, 23/12/00. Stuff about fate, about differences and how love makes up for differences.
i love it when u make me wait. Talk to me slowly and in some strange poetry. i like it when u let me see urself, at your most beautiful. When you walk pass me, i walk pass you.
about thank you's, take care's, pray for you's and about having a videotape within a videotape in our heads. how we spend our days, trying hard to remember every moment cause we're so aware of how things, arent ever going to be this way. About comforting moments like being on a bus listening to the smashing pumpkins.
how your mother told u that as we get older, we get tired of keeping grudges and its easier to let go of anger and hate.
its amazing after so many years, that i got the message. that i wasnt listening at all that time.
i love it when u tell me about how we've grown and matured, reassured me constantly that the best part, is that we lived it together. The fact that u remembered "lord of illusions" like yesterday was nice.
i love it when i read these letters. There will never ever be letters like that anymore, from you, but at least i know where these letters come from. Letters like that survive a lifetime. and in this lifetime. these letters or no more than residual evidence of a life lived, but of a life yet to live.
