blue Souns in the head: Art of fighting's wire, The white stripes' de stijl, Filter's the amalgamut, coldplay's parachutes and dinosaur jr's hand it over, and yea... Primal scream's higher than the fucking chee bai SUN!! hee he.. whoops.. i vely vulgar.. but how to describe?~?!!?!?
well im pretty worried about something, yea, she just sent me a letter from like US, instead of emailing me and all. I kinda just got off talking to her on the icq, she told me tt it would come like like later this week or next i guess, i wonder how long it'll take. She said it was a long letter. Ok.. do you want to know wat i think'll be inside?? hhahha.. i think its gonna be about me to really just stop doing certain things.. the used's on my own is playing.. man.. hahah..
im somehow thinkin ill just let things as it comes, i guess its somehow related to me being worried about her sometimes.. ive had some really bad dreams and all of her in New york.. but i never tell anyone.. somemore i never hear black metal one.. so how come all of a sudden can become so scary my dreams?? i really am hoping that she'd surprise me again lor.. sigh..
i hoping she doesnt think im brendan fraser as the MOST emotionally sensitive guy in the world in Bedazzled. And alison admits that she likes being taken for granted ignored and all guys want to is to get into her pants and all. shit man.. that movie reall got me thinking so did the comic Y the last man (out TPB on vertigo label... very good) about the last man in the whole entire world. it sucks sometimes when i REALLY regret things u do that u just do it coz its the right thing that u'd noe u;d regret.. did i jus say that??
i have a very very bad feeling..
Saturday, February 1, 2003 03:58 a.m.
red Sounz in the head: The very best of frank sinatra, Arkana's freash meat, babylon zoo's s/t (underated album totally..), The pernice brother's world wont end and zwan's SUPER FANTASTICAL DEBUT RELEASE MARY STAR OF THE SEA!! UN DOUbTlY THe BEst GUITAR ALBUM IN THE HISTORY OF ROck AND ROLL!!!!
well yeah another week has passed eh? I just went out with old mates from JI, June and jasmin lee and marcus wong. It was fun really, hahah.. its been along time since ive done honking around with marc, saw brandon though.. man he's got this wierd army mentality that creeps me out totally really still.. dunno why.. its scary really.. oh well.. what the heck..
Erasure's got a new covers album and it really rocks. Kidney thieves debut album's out but i kinda got a bad feeling about it that it might not live up to the track on Queen of the damned OST. Do not think that Azure Ray is good.. its too.. Belle and sebestian with too many electronic beeps. Hightlights hands down is the track "you've lost that loving feeling" from Erasure's other songs and a really crappy cover of video killed the radio star.. have to say that the erasure signature keyboard sound is still there beautiful.. the souns almost on par with s/t with stay with me.
i saw this totally popular model that's on the cover of every goddamm fashion mag in singapore. MAn, she's really so much more beautiful in person, and she dyed her hair black and all. Wow. im telling you... man... and i heard her talk.. man... its totally out of this world. i get her name soon
im really biting on me nails coz me tired... tying up the winterhalter players already.. hahahha.. nice nice... make some nice songs and shite.. some other time..
Friday, January 31, 2003 12:11 a.m.
taxanomic strains ad pour si... Sounz in the hed: SAves the day's cant slow down, The gloria record's the traffic is lull, the pernice brother's, Yeah yeah yeah's s/t ep, Enon, hot hot heat and dinosaur jr's without a sound.. hahah.. i dunno why but guitar work is damn good on the album.. 2 days more to zwan.. man billy always inspires me now that he's a born again christian..
rise and shine rise and shine.. stuck in camp with richard meltzer and dreaming of ordering more cds online after totally losing faith in borders and all. Eg... i didnt bloody noe that last days of april's got a new record!! haha.. ok ok.. and yeah yeah yeah's ep was sold out at hmv in under three days!! if.. i remember correctly.. there were abt six copies left. Im so happy, ok guys be sure to go to jacob golden's website and check out.. im sure u will love his music and all.. man i wish i was him coz i think im like him. Go check it out for fans like jeff buckley and acoustic radicalhead.
well basically, i sprained both my ankles with my left one really swollen and all. Its really like bad?? ups and downs and pure boredom in camo has crippled me for the week end.. oh bother.. ill be on super long leave and all.. sigh... life really sucks.. i listened so many bloody times to jesus and mary chain's psychocandy during the week that i think my head's cracked like the dawn!! its like mad!!
oh yeah.. i shall now reveal my crush my aVril laverene (or how u spell her last name??) yes... she is very cute.. the girl fwen i want.... im serious!!! its like her vocab's limited to only "u rock", "Rocking", "rock rock rock", "i rock", "we rock" and so forth and so forth an eternity of pronouns and language whatchamalcallit... sigh.. i wouldnt want to kiss her though.. her teeth's gonna cut my lips off.
well surprise surpise... aergramme's new album coming out.. Zwan.. Deftones.. i still havent watch Lord of the rings dunno why.. comtemplating the mystery of rap and hip hop's relation to jacob golden (im serious u must hear this guy.) looking for art of fighting, liars, places to park, the warlocks, kinski and many many more... i just discovered the reason why i like thursday so much.. i still think geoff sounds like robert smith.. i mean the guitars!! MAN!! Porl Thompson!! ThE BAss CLASSIC SIMON GALLUP!!! MAN!!! I keeP thinkng that they're The present day era CURE!!! MAN!! The lyricS and shit.... sigh.. they rock... and yeah interpol.. hmmm..... i love them and hate them... but i feel good its like catching joy division or something again... i wanna be ian curtis ( btw, thursday's first lp waiting, contains a song titled ian curtis.. hmmm.. and alot more.. go check it out.. it rocks!!) go check out PDA video too.. very very rock.. above all make youreself happy and hear Honestly..
in the meantime.. i already wrote my will..
Saturday, January 25, 2003 10:55 p.m.
faux pas extrodanaire shaun soh.. Sounz in the head: The stroke's is this it, The yeah yeah yeah's s/t ep, depeche mode's black celebration (im so happy i have it on disc after the cassette screwed up.. really the best depeche mode album..), the compact king crimson, mogwai's rock action, the gloria records's the lull is traffic e.p. and Yo la tengo's and then nothing turned itself inside out... undoubtly the most important album by the greatest band in the world.. Yo la tengo is the most important band in indie rock.. did i just say that?? beautiful.. check out "last days of disco" and imagine youre at mambo night for a acute narrative of indie kids feeling umcomfy at discos..
yeah..hard time now.. ive fallen out with some of my best friends.. mel's gone overseas and im taking this time to find out where should i put her in my heart... im totally demoralised.. bashed inside out about the winter halter ep that i dont want to give it to anyone now..army camp's very very sian.. i just made up another three songs before i came on the com.. nice nice.. new kind of style.. it happens after i hear yo la tengo.. fuck man.. the album beats anything rem DOES!! It beats Rem's automatic for the people flat flat flat.. ok with the exception of sweetness follows ( with the best stipe/mills vocal harmony and feedback im the world.) And night swimming which still brings to mind david boring's night swim with his cousin.. haha.. daniel clowes.. always makes up the imagery for small town beauty what ever that meant..
alot of things have happened inside my head like crushing a bag fulls of peanuts, open it up and ud see all these peanuts and crushed shells, in other words to support the crappy metaphor... fucking messed up. A bagful of aphorisms could never save me this time really, let alone a fort knox's worth.
i got alill pissed the other day when i needed my monthly dose of pure top fourties indulgence at mambo night, its like im the only cock who can hear all the synths and bleeps and weeps overhead. Somehow, i tot maybe someday i would find some girl who sees that too.. there goes yo la tengo's "last days of disco" in the laser lights above. A mixture a post adolescence hormone rush and too-old-too-drunk grey matter clouded my mind that night in between all the cheesy kitsch. Then i snapped.. i am all alone. The music didnt turn down like in the movies when the main protaganist starts to go thru this thought process thing. I turned down, coiling inways like a ship drawing in its anchor from the sea. I need another fucking drink i think. yea... i somehow knew i was never going to fall in love again with anyother one, the thoughts reached an climax at the last sigh of the crashes of the wonder's that thing u do.
Music they say is about the present dreaming about the future, no matter how many times u play that song, it still feels like something's that yet to come i guess. the irrelevance of the future came like a ball off a wall. "fuck man". Things just felt unusually of no consequence, like the drinks, the guys with me, my sis and trina... it just flew of the handle. i just saw nothing but fake superficial optimism and months and months of fluffed icing on the shit filled cake. I felt worse than a paper mache monkey.
the rest of the night played almost backwards, the beatles playing without their instruments. i remember how big star's september girls kept skipping and looping up at the opening line.. which was september girls.. hahah. Round and round i kept rambling about things i shouldnt say to anyone.. i fucking let it all out like drunk ever since who knows when. i would be on the verge of frustrated tears on one side and next telling trina that my ego's being busted. Alex chilton shouldnt have done that r and b shite man. i lay in bed legs crossed as if my crotch was in pain under the sheets, made me think is this how most real guys would sleep after they had their first wet dream.. in pain?
i was suppose to write an email to mel, but.. im thinking should i just let things out and fix things.. or not to take the risk of her hating me and not buying me the strokes, hot hot heat or yeah yeah yeah shirts she promised. did she? well if ur wondering what is their to let out.. its nothing really.. release is just an exaggeration of things. its so much a let go on my side but it turns out lame, flaccid or just deflated the words. i was also suppose to write an email to miller telling her that i only want to be friends with her no more... i want my friends.. to come over.. its being ages..
underfed and numb.. im going to sleep. Totally tired and uninspired im going to crawl in to bed and maybe into the arms of someone i love, well, used to i guess. i realised that the reason why she told me about the contradictions in out relationship is cause of my warped sense of morality, guess i shouldve paid more attention at the Moral Education lessons back in school huh.. the blue book and the work book.. text book and work book.
during the route march the other day i was tired but i had to keep going on... fucking tired but as a sergeant had to keep up the pace for the men.. we went passed the Nanyang Technological Uni's hostel and i imagined mel somewhere at the end, she would wear a yellow ribbon for me.. i was thinking.. after i ord im going tell mel thanks for the memories for she had no idea how she was there at every hard time without knowing.. for every really hard time... thanks again. nite nite..
Monday, January 20, 2003 12:49 a.m.
Jitterbug blues.. Sounz in the head: Punk goes pop loving further seem's forever cover of bye bye bye... go check out!! The flaming lip's masterpiece beautiful so beautiful Yoshimi battles the pink robots!!! Deserves the best album in the world award!! harz..
anwyays.. yesterday played a quite ok gig at oosh bar. quite rocking really.. I think i sang roses the best yesterday dunno why.. it was really good!! the gig was really good overall and pension state as usual...IS THE bEST BAND IN THE WORLD!! I SO LOVE THEM MAN!!! Im Like so Going to become a groupie man!! hahha.. they rocked so well.. and its really funny about how im hearing the ord song then and now.. i feel so much for the song that i was doing the actions thing in the pauses.. sob.. and i love the new songs... the magic is so there...
anyways.. im going to book in, and i suppose that she's on her way to the airport. She'll be gone for like four months?? Be back in june and all. Now u might be asking me, why the fuck should i worry so much or like care so much, its not she'll be gone forever.. well i guess people wont ask each other that because its somethin that we've felt before, that u want to care even if u dont have to, but what if you keep asking yourself that?? yeah.. herry told me that ive come somewhat fullcircle, im pretty clueless about what that is, but all i can say is that im pretty okay now.
i had a strange passing dream about her last night, the ones that u cant remember shit, but it felt like a song off jet to brazil's orange rhyming diary with korean drama show cinematics.. haha i was watching my sassy girl b4 i slept so go figure. yeah.. it was nice.. i really dont noe how to say it, cant write a song about it... cant do anything about it and all.. hahah..
ive got a super powerful rob gordon music mag with me, brandtson, mono, GSYBE, Thursday, talking back sunday and the flaming lips with me. All this with me to camp i shall devour.. yeah ill bring a book about media and shit.. time to get focussed.. im actually quite disturbed about something.. but.. yea.. ill figure it out first.. im the meantime..
Sunday, January 12, 2003 08:45 p.m.
my i love's you may mean something.. Sounz in the head: corrine may's flay away (thanks you so much mel), Mogwai's rock action, thurday's five stories falling and nine inch nails' still ep..
The winterhalter ep is done.. tell me how u want it and ill do it for u. Its got six tracks and bedroom quality fun fun fun and more fun.Two copies have been given to some people and they still havent heard it.. hahah.. little did they noe. Work on the next ep is in process.. tentativly entitled "calmi cuori appassionati" jap drama buffs stay away.. hahah..
the heart: im sorry shaun that i had to be this way, sometimes i cant control what state i am. If its good for you, i tell you. If its wrong, i may tell u at the same time dont feel so bad. Shaun, sometimes u shouldnt trust your fucking head ok?
its been a night of intricate complexties welled up like boils on the back of my neck. I feel my posture bending over slightly as Bjork's hyberballad plays in the my foot steps. Im sorry if i couldnt help but stand too close to u, or say take care. i really mean it. The finality of things, the photo albums of her and her bf, the new pumpkins single, and a death too close to heart seem too ambigous once taken wholesale. Its sums up in a corrine may album and memories. there was something different tonight, things like the past were telling me to treasure them. Frankly speaking, ive covered the soil enough with kafka-esque lit and jingo jango muzak that takes to topsoil to the skies.
im really caring, i wont say im worried, i wont say im tensed or anything like that. I am truly caring for someone, and if it cared so much that i want to think about the times that everyone had. The photos i took and funny smiles i gave. The tableau that played out infront of me with everyone made me feel home. It was because of tonight that i felt home again. Her wit, her (excuse me) Spasticness, her charm and her... wow. I shant say too much afraid of falling into a psuedo sweet valley boy's locker room litany.
walking home with the breeze with her disc playin all around the night, it was surreal. it could play out as the vid for Smashing pumpkins 33, but it wasnt cold, it was.. slightly envigorating. it made me want to go on, thinking what might happen, somehow all these accidents they go on for something (Bjork's joga).
the climate of these days will not betray my heart or soul, the very essence of these days are not in the books at all. Jungian psycho analysis and the imaginart social demerit system would not appear in the form of non-conversation.
to bring things down short. beautiful still, i wish i could tell you that, and that my comments are not in expectation that would benefit in any consequence that most likely may occur. The stars and gershwin moonsea could be the backdrop to your marvelous self. sometimes... take care.. all the best and im happy for you. i wish i could be more direct. Farewell hugs never felt so much. After going in and out of somemany people. Farewell hugs last too short, but everything u are i could mark out in a ikea catalog. thanks for listening.
Sunday, January 12, 2003 01:41 a.m.
life changes again.
oh my god.. im seriously on the verge of crying.. its been a long time since ive felt like that.. maybe when mellon collie came out or something.. but i really feel like crying.. like how i nearly cried when i heard the first notes to adore's for martha and hearing it over and over again.. taking in all the music and words like oxygen.. the same feeling i had when i bought machina.. the air breeze over me when i heard this time and stand inside your love..
i just saw the video honestly.. and its so beautiful... the lyrics the guitars... the drums.. the voice.. i have to admit.. its totally part of me.. its coming out at last.. january 28th on reprise records.. Zwan's mary star of the sea is coming out... the video is beautiful.. i am so happy really.. the feeling is indescribable.. i really feel like crying.. im so happy.. its like this old friend's coming back to visit u after so long.. after being with you for the majority of your conciousness.. i really missed you..
its really very nice.. its like things are going this way for me.. mel's leavin and i havent finish her farewell present.. im worried for her.. im feeling so alone.. coz everybody in camp calls me kentang and wierdo just because i quote from JG Ballard's Crash.. i smoke too much.. im emotional.. i miss the old times.. im just down.. down man.. cant go for daily mass which is so important to me.. mom cant stand me.. work sucks.. and then corgan's flanged tinge guitar starts up.. "i believe.. there's no place that i could be without u.." he sings with paz.. with the triple guitar attack that matt sweeny (chavez) and david pajo (slint) and the evergreat jimmy chamberlain.. god.. im so happy.. its like the first time i saw the vid i took the words straight to my heart.. i can.. im realyl so happy.. and this time it doesnt matter that i cant share this joy with anyone coz i noe noone understands.. im really shaken.. im really so incredibly happy.. i could just let go and cry.. and the album's title. mary star of the sea.. strikes deep in me.. mel wouldve understood.. i guess.. oh mi god.. im really so happy.. thefamiliar corgan guitar solo.. its like the song took what was left of untitled from the pumpkins and made it more.. optimistic.. i really am going to cry.. it makes me feel so much better.. im listening to the song for the sixth time and the words just keep getting louder and louder.. 2003 janaury 28th.. Zwan.. its just not about the music now man..
i argued with jason just now.. im wondering sometimes.. god.. i really am crying now.. after reading the lyrics.. man.. i love it.. this is music..
[Zwan]
honestly
i believe
i believe
i believe
i believe the love you talk about with me
is it true, do i care
honestly, you can try to wipe the memories aside
but it's you that you erase
'cause there's no place that i could be without you
it's too far to discard the life i once knew
honestly, all the weather and storms aflame
are just a picture of my needs
'cause when i think of you as mine
and allow myself with time
to lead into the life we want
i feel love, honestly
i feel love, it's honestly
i believe you mean the best that life can bring
i believe in it all
honestly, you can try
your heart is just as long as mine
is it ours to let go
'cause there's not place that i could be without you
it's too dark to discard the life i once knew
honestly, a single wrong is not enough
to cover up the pain in us
'cause when i think of you as mine
and allow myself with time
to lead into the life we want
i feel love, honestly
i'll make a joke so you must laugh
i'll break your heart so you must ask
is this the way to get us back
i don't know, honestly
i don't know, it's honestly
there's no place that i could be without you
honestly
there's no place that i could be without you
there's no place that i could be without you
there's no place that i could be without you
there's no place that i could be without you
honestly
Saturday, January 11, 2003 12:11 a.m.
why need husbands?? Sounz in the head: Built to spill's ancient melodies of the future, time in malta's the second engine, the faint's media and glassjaw eveyrthing u wanted to knoe abt silence.
im back for a while to check the emails and shit. Life is very different for me now, its kinda really boring. Bought some magazines from jurong point which suck big time, bought alternative press and Bomb (rocks!) with an interview with jeffery eugenides about his novel middlesex (beautiful!!)
she just sent an email to everyone abt her leaving for NYC, and she started off the letter with some lyrics from Leaving on a jet plane. Its the exact opening as one the letters she wrote to me before she left for new zealand way back. Well, i just find it profoundly affecting that she used the lyrics to the song, is that why they call old song golden oldies??
ive been thinking alot these days, from the intial shock of the extreme porno motifs in J.G ballard's crash to presently understanding the book's stand in 21st century relationships, sexual and other sorts.
sometimes, before i sleep, i really think hard about who to sms or call. I really think hard and really ind it hard to find someone to talk to.. old friends new friends, people at a point fail to reach to that balance, or never at all. ive been thinking alot about friendship and all, after calvin said something and saying some stuff to her. Am i being lonely, or is it just like that. She's leaving and all for the great Nyc. Just before i got on the cab i slipped into imagining what she would do before she left. strangely, i kinda expected her to be thinking of another song to her departure soundtrack, i was thinking along the lines of maybe some chinese song.. (i dunno why), so im back checked the email and voila (yes herry...)
all i can say im trying my best to find it, esp. now that im more or less settled in shit. I feel so alien in camp really, nobody thinks like me, ive been labeled a pervert, a wierdo, oldman and all. Im no isolating myself really, sometimes i wish that it would much more clearer, and i guess its clearer now abit after that email.
i wonder what other songs mel remembers, does she remember mine? i wonder really, its like u cant sleep, so u close your eyes and imagine/dream of yourself sleeping on the bed eyes closed but fully awake that youre awake. Thanks calvin.. i feel so stupid... but what can i do?
Thursday, January 9, 2003 07:52 p.m.
dell delld ell ell d e l lll souns in the head: Fly pan am, GSYBE's LUYSFLATH, Jim o'rouke's eureka, Appleseed cast's low level owl volume one and badly drawn boy's hour of bewildebeast and about a boy ost..
at this point in time im supposed to ermm... head down to beach to get my stuff. i think it would be ermm.. white shorts, new field pack, oh yeah zipblocks and i think ill get some small itty nonsense here and there, but the shorts are top on the list i guess.
oh well, life really never sucked this bad really. Someone flings his shit at me and calls me a whiny bastard, another totally ignorant taunts me to give him a fucking good bashing and another totally ego wants me to smash his face in. im ina generally bad mood hur.. hahaha.. oh well.
oh well ive got a new com now and yeah god forid!! Its a DELL!! hahha, its quite ok cept that i have to get all my old info back and its quite a bitch, the keyboard;s nice by the way.. very cosy and all. oh well, its funny how now im thinking so much into relationships that pple have. I guess it all started with that xmas card from mel. It really matters alot and sometimes when u see how much it is u see what u really have now. trust me, the kind of friendships i have now are funny. I was always the kind who would u noe, have fun and shit i guess. Oh bother..
oh well i have to prepare a copy of the winterhalter ep to mel asap, i havent burnt it yet and i have to redo all the mp3 transfers. the closer added's called "friendship song" hahah.. lame.. i guess reading J.G. ballard's crash in camp would help satisfy me... running a five tonner straight into the some big shot or something. Fun fun fun fun fun fun fun fun fun fun fun fun fun fu nfun fuhf... then im going buy some more nonsense.. help me god...
Sunday, January 5, 2003 12:51 p.m.
EveryThing IS SO FUCKING WRONG!!!!!!
Fuck!!!! FUCK FUCK FUCK!! im so Fucking pissed!!! Im so fucking.... sigh... man.. im damn fucking angry.. my email account has been deactivated for some wierd REASON! and Fuck!!!! What the fuck!!! what T/he FUCK!! SHIT!! fucj!! My new CAMP sUCkS!! I HATE IT!!! IM SO fucking Angry!!My GrOin Is fuckiong infected with some SHit FunguS! im SOFucking DEpreSSED!!!! fuck FUck FIUckfkfkfkckcklmfcklmdjflnadvjdasnkfcsdkljfcshnlscn Fucked Up NW YEAR and Fuck AJNd fuck!!!!!! Fuck FUCk FUCKF CUFK FUCk.... shit fucking SHit!!! FuckI Will NOT Live..!!!!! WRONG TIMING AND ALLL FUCK!!
Thursday, January 2, 2003 08:30 p.m.
happy new year lor.. Sounz in the head: FLy pan am, Mission for burma's vs and deathcab for cutie's something about airplanes...
how oh how.. one thing for sure about the new year that's real is that ive really grown up, i mean yeah. Something's are so different i guess, i wanna do things like get pissed drunk and puke all over the place but, its simply i dont want to do it really. I guess even the girls i really have a thing for have changed also.. ok i dont want to make this soun like some Sdu profile or something lorz... anyways..
its back to camp tomolo, sianz and all.. yeah.. aim still seriously pushing for this minialbum thingie, its still quite shit cant do anything more to improve it really, i guess im really damn bo-liao lorz. I wrote an email to her.. she said it was sweet, i wonder what that means??
plans plans plans and cashed in ers shares.. man.. the same cycle goes one really... what to expect in the new year really. One thing's for sure.. the new deftones and A perfect circle should be out, new dashboard... new black rebel motorcycle club... new mogwai... sigh sigh... shock me god... next time..
Thursday, January 2, 2003 12:42 a.m.
a new dawn fades and its the new year already. Sounz in the hed: FLy pan am, Godspeed you black emperor's Yanqui u.x.o, Mogwai young team, Bjork's greatest hits, Sigur-ros's start here and electric wizard's supercoven....
what was good about new year night: Hanging around with my really old friends that i really went thru shit with laughing and all like small giggly schoolboys. I could imagine us in our old school uniforms even.. hahahah.. thanks Jay.. ur the best really. The whole night great music played on and on... fun laughter.. drinks and shits.. it didnt feel like something was left out really. nothing at all..
What was bad: Fuck YOU BRANDON!! IM SERIOUS FUCK U!! this is the bomb i will not say what he did man.. fucker... more and more.. there were ALOT of bad things that i guess had to come along with the good things..
basically i started the new years good and alos finding some things about people that i may kill them later on this year.
im going a lill of kilter, tomorrow im going back to jurong camp... yea.. who gives a fuck man rite?
