rip rip rip rip rip rip rip rip rip rip rip rip rip sounz in the head: Godspeed you black emperor's yanqui xo,mogwai's selected from CODY an rock action, siouxie and the banshees' tinderbox and aereogramme's the story in white......... the kevin shields remix of mogwai fear satan sounds so manga noir...
post baybeats singapore looks so much different. something clicked in the back of my head again. Like me going to be an instructor and shit, something just clicks yea. i was thinking about all these girls that i had total crushes on hhmmm... farny thing to think about but its quite fun to really. I guess only wierd cocks like me would talk abt shit like that why? Because i have no fucking life!! ( mogwai's you dont know jesus plays) i want to kust stay in camp for the rest of my ns life, then when i ord... immediatley set off for australia... yea.. that's the best plan!!!
yesh... i jus watched Tim burton's early films Vincent and frankenweenie and its... *sob* the most beautiful shit in years!! If you think Nyc's all about shite like the strokes and more uninterestring swagger rawk.. WELL HELL NO! The walkmen (boy era U2 with too much to drink), french kicks and others like Gotham 4 and Fischerspooner!!! Shite!! must get their albums man...
all these things have inspired me so greatly today that... i wanna start another project thingie.. this one's gonna be my lill cure meets depeche mode meets tones on tail meets erasure and JD!!! HArz.. actually its because i got alor of songs that dont fit on the winterhalter moniker so's i boh liaos somemore.. this one's called Glacier Grin!!!! ermm.. quite cheesy hor BUT THAT's IT!! GLacier Grin!! Dark DARK JACK SkELLINGTON STUFF!! NICE NICE NCIE!!!!
today has been a funny day really. The transport to my new unit didnt come and i got to book out. I think that im going mad. hahahah.. me and bran were talking about our future and what i should do... What should i do in the media industry am i cool enough for it??
mean while glacier Grin... is coming... bbbrrrrrRRRR
Friday, December 27, 2002 12:15 a.m.
.............
am i so feeling longing now. i dont know the whole day i wanted to talk to her, like call her or something. Very very funny, maybe its because suddenly ive found her so incredibly approachable, and i kinda like want to know more. Its a natural feeling yeah, but i guess i shouldnt, because of what we were? i dont know i know i shouldnt think about things like that really and just well... do it. i just have this strange feeling im going to be in deep shit soon. I just want to talk to her, at least i did send her a short email, it'll be enough what? rite?
i took all of this and offered it to god telling him to do something with it. I cant tell what's right and wrong really, after all feelings like that arent that big or what. i hope he knows what to do with it. I actually shut my eyes tight and told him to take it really, it kinda made it look like it was something wrong. I know that i think its wrong. am i emo or what? nah... its just life hur.. continued from previous entry so read it too... F.Y.I
mineral's If I COuld She stepped outside into the morning air
To watch the cars go by and let the sun dry her hair
I wanted to tell her how beautiful she was
But I just stared
I sat behind the wheel and watched the raindrops
As they gathered on the windshield
And raced down into the humming motor
And she folded up her fears like paper airplanes
And lost them in the trees
And I know I don't deserve this
The capacity to feel
To laugh and cry and to praise
For that I live and breathe and wake each day
Is nothing less than your grace
In awkward and glorious movement
man... as before its just a burp... i wish i could talk to someone about it.
all i can say that this morning i was tearing a bit, cause of the usual indie kid music trappings of understanding un-understandable things. Time in malta plays in the heart with a mistletole stylus. I wont say wont happened. haha damn turn off rite. Anyways, thanks alot mel. Your card meant the whole world to me, even superman would blush. I guess ive aged really, i know what really matters now, but i wish people would stop thinking of me as a sad guy really. Well last nigh ill admit that i was playing field engineer spec too much, the specialist talk and all hahhaa.. its all a mask really. It was great really, hahhah. I dont noe how to describe it i wish i could talk to someone about it but, u know it loses it lustre if you do. Its alot more special to keep it to yourself after who can feel for it better. Its something that's best to left not analysed.
the card read like some old friend that uve not seen for ages and that's how it was. I totally miss that without knowing it at all. I miss the conversations. Above all, i dont miss them as much as i miss something else. The weighed more than it was, it weighed the world, much more than a smashing pumpkins bootleg from the adore period let alone the final metro concerto. Oh yea... smashing pumpkins played christmastime on the a very special christmas 4, i think so i got that offthe top of ma' head correct me if im wrong. (hopesfall's the bending plays in the background) . I thank god for the person who gave the card because i guess no one else can encourage me so deeply in this world, just as i was thinking about the same thing.
this christmas was short but it happens for a reason, reoncilation, makes way for nostalgia (calvin!! LeT ME sEE THe VId!!), new songs and change in general. I was pretty skeptical this xmas, afraid that i would fuck up hence the army spec act. I wish that i wasnt so fucked up and hugged when i saw her after mass. It was okay, i got more than a whole lifetime of hugs can give. I thank u god really. U held me in your arms so much this while. U showed me what really mattered, for that i will live another year for you. hahah ( i wish you were here by incubus plays.)
across the mediaterrean sea where she swam, sun baked and coughing from too many singapore sling cocktail parties. i was quite surprised when she had a present for me too, and it was, well processing when i had mine too, well.
winterHalter ep consists of the following songs...
Postmal CArrie
last pretensions of rock star boy
miller no.1
eyes falling
all my love yous
jitterbug
quest for ions
wind like trees
thinking about you
realy im damn sorry about the radiohead cover there yea? but i think its a nice closer song so.. dont hurt me.
basically the ep is very very very very messy, pure lo fi shit really, done with out eq nor volume leveling, so hahhaha... im really sorry i couldnt get it done by xmas. but the cover's done u want to see it??!? hahah... (shining light by Zwan plays)
i dont noe how to thank you. merry xmas to marc too.. everyone who put on a record in his room sat up and took time to think about things.. its worth it.
i bet u can hear the gershwin playing in the lights overhead
i know where my sumire is. for now.
Wednesday, December 25, 2002 02:28 p.m.
Jaded jah jah dead.. Sounz in the hed: Mudyane's ld.50, rolling stones' steel wheels and let it bleed and last days of april's angle youth.
where is my sumire before xmas?
hee hee:squatting on the edge of the drain behind class to brush my teeth! My friends. Hair cut to short and foreheads too high.. hor? Talking about the biggest sticker trade of the year for fifa italia '90 for Roberto baggio. My friends are nice, we dont talk much but we do so much together. Eat, play shit pee fart, discover the mystery of puberty.
Before christmas: I saw some couple i know, wont mention names though really, would be big gossip, but then again who cares as long as their happy, right?
where is my fucking sumire!! (frustrated already hor? no one cares lah u animal *wink*)
ive been hearing my songs for the ep and i think i suck. white and trees like wind rock, the new acoustic one "all my love you's" sound so singaporean! Goin alone thru orchard road after discharghin myself from the familiar company of the guys. SOmethings missing lah, really lor? Ha ha. Im sorry guys. Christmas lights and the couples relishing in the atmosphere of pre christmas, not that it was snowing and all, but it sure was cold. Its not like a catwalk anymore lah? Ha ha... funny. Im getting abit drunk from nick carter's new song, the one he sounds like bryan adams. I really so want to be alone lor? hahahha, with my water bottle slung around my neck and a knife in hand.. hee hee whoops! i meant a kaimara school bag in the back of class when everybody's gone home, and i alone, have to wait for the goddamm bus. Bury it all in secret seven and lone wolf and fighting fantasy, the decisions are easy really, just turn to the page and if its the wrong one? Make sure u memorise the previous one lor? quite easy.
just fucking leave me alone. i might kill all of you, with my extensive collection of mechanical pens and roof top molasses i learnt to make from lit class. somethings amiss, but im really really not doing anything, maybe that's the way its meant to be huh.. dont expect anything much okay? Who said there was going to be chorus at all?
i really hate ua ll so much now.. i really do.. i really REALLY DONT LIKE YOU SO GO AWAY!!!! LEAVE ME ALONE!! at least dad bought me something so good this xmas.. frank miller's the dark knight returns 2.. so good... so really good.. i wanna be robin so can get away from all of you and hang out with batman.. but i might want to still know you again? hahah.. school finshes a 1pm why i bring so many text books until my back hurts hur??
Monday, December 23, 2002 12:21 a.m.
............ pre christmas blues........
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where is my sumire?
Camber's 38th and 8
do the right thing. we've scratched until it bled. choose the right thing. let's give it half a chance. the world is open. circumvent our circumstances. the door is open. give it half a chance. choose the right one. to this thing we're wed. let's do the right thing. before our dream is dead. the door is open. to adolescent romances. the door is open. give it half a chance. do the right thing. we scratched until it bled. let's choose the right thing. before our dream is dead. the door is open. to adolescent romances. the door is open. welcome to the dance
goodnight goodnight...
Tuesday, December 17, 2002 12:52 a.m.
Call me morbid call me pale.. ive spent sixteen years on your trail.. Sounz in the head: The smiths, CAmber, Death cab for cutie's the photo album and most dangerous album about pain in the world... text's s/t (4/5 of the infamous refused infusing dub/reggae with post hardcore spoken stuff about gettin you calves crushed and caligua.. scary...)
Well things are turning into a hurki murakami novel very soon... missing love.. loneliness.. wrong music and bad situations. The long weekend had being a lill stretched really leaving me kinda tired and lonesome. Cept for the fact that chen got picked up by some girl which is quite cute. Mambo night with my sis ended up with pple thinking that we were a couple.. lesson for you to learn. Shopping for clothes seemed alot harder than u'd think, with me browsing hugo boss and louis vuitton trinkets. Marcs and spencer woodspice scents and seeing someone who's blog i read quite often... i hope she recognises me btw.. funny.. this is the first time. Seeing your ex-lover's photo in CLEO magazine about her therapy for post breakups and seeing her today. Expecting someone like a break in a DnB hit and not seeing her, even if it means in the most unfavourable circumstances, like with her boyfriend, at the least i saw her mother. Noticing that someone lives near you and that she looks like a better version of your greatest lover. Being branded as a mat/boat quay trendy after buying a new pair of specs. SMsing someone and she never replies for some strange reason (is she in singapore at all!!??! or in some mediterrean island with her boyfriend diving in the sea... machum blue crush in a tankini).
christmas brings back some bad memories for me really. Just read the last xmas entry, all the zhen qing dramatics and the bad boy tantrums. IT just doesnt pay really. its all coming back really. Sometimes i really feel like kicking off everyone else so that i reduce the chances of fucking up like last year. Its bad. Seriously i believe im a better person and will not resort to shit like that really, trying again or somewhat is a very spoilt brat thing to do. Totally alien to what love is really, love is patient and kind and doesnt fuck things up this bad.
during oh holy night sang just now. I thought about alot of things, seeing couples head on shoulder. Kids all excited. where have all the good times gone? Were they just good? Or because of time, those memories reduced to a short minute trailer highlighting the great moments. I used to play caroling guitar and during silent night when she would not be with me, i would imagine us by the fireplace, old and drinking nice space age cocoa listening the silence of our hearts. Head on shoulders and all, u could hear the sounds of the ice glaciers. even then. I wish sometimes those trailers were for something coming up and not for something that has passed. where are u sumire? i dont want us to be just sputnik sweethearts........... c u guys Xmas... wish me luck and safety.. god bless your hearts and souls.. thanks for listening.
Monday, December 16, 2002 01:02 a.m.
VERY SPECIAL EDITION!!!
hello, yeah... i guess its time to sit down and talk about what kind of musician i am now. Afterall its the end of the year and i wanna analyse myself and all, well i hope u get to know me better and all, at the same time ill find out more about myself. Well it all started with someone asking why i buy so many albums and all, i guess i take it as a measurement of growth as a musician i guess, or really too much money to waste hor?? hahhaa... here we go.. Shaun soh musician as of 2002/2003...
Favourite guitar albums: The smashing pumpkins' siamese dream/ pisces iscariot (tie),the jayhawk's tommorrow the green grass, Mogwai's young team, hopesfall's the satellite years, Sigur ros' first album, Led zeppelin's physical graffiti, Sleep's holy mountain,jim o rouke's insignificance, Jets to brazil's orange rhyming dictionary, jesus and mary chain's psychocandy, The verve's ep, Dinosaur jr's without a sound, placebo s/t, cure's faith, luna sea's shine and sonic youth's sister.
i guess that's more or less i think it is.. hmmmmm.. got somemore one lah.. hahaha.
FAvourite lyric albums: The cranberries' no need to argue, james iha's let it come down, jets to brazil's orange rhyming dictionary, death cab for cutie's everyone's voting, lisa loeb and nine storey's tails, Mark eitzel's the invisible man, The verve's urban hymns, kings of convienice, John lennon's imagine, Sensefield's s/t, promise ring's very emergency, bjork's vespertine, Pj harvey's from the sea to the sky.. (i think that's the title..), Pet shop boy's discography and tools' Aenima. got many more... haha
Current live set up: Tubescreamer, danelectro milk shake (yum!!) and boss delay. The same set up ive been using since god knows when.. the wah's kinda missing in action though, wanna get either a proco rat or a big muff.then a electro harmonix phase shifter....
Guilty pop albums that i love: DIDo's thank you, vertical horizon, Take that's greatest hits, Aha best of, ella fitzgerald does the gershwin song book, beyond basic, Natalie imbruglia's white lillies island, tori amos' little earthquakes, missy elliot's under construction, michael jackson's dangerous, Janet jackson's all for you and the party's free.
favourite electronica albums: THe chemical brother's exit planet dust/dig your own hole (tie), cornelius' point Underworld's strongest of the infants, Aphex twin's collected ambient, Squarepusher's port rhombus ep, NEU!'s '75, Massive attack's mezzanine and bluelines.
FAvourite metal/hard rock albums: MEtallica's kill em all, Iron maiden's powerslave, Emperor's in the nightside eclipse, Sepultura's bestial devastation, helloween's keeper of the seven rings, Electric wizard's come the back wizards, Sleep's jerusalem, Kiss' ALive, Soundgarden's bad motorfinger, ALice in chains' s/t, cathedral's the carnival bizzare, TOOL's lateralus, King diamond's abigail and metallica's and justic for all....
FAve local singapore bands: Pension state, liviona, concave scream, the wakak, humpback oak, old skool stoned revivals, return to fall wah actually got alot... man... hahah..
sigh... am i so bored with what i did.. its totally impossible to narrow things down. All i can say is that im so in love with this japanese band mono, no its not the stupid french electro pop nosense group! Well, its on the uber cool tzadik label that released melt banana live, started by john zorn, uber cool avant garde autuer. MONO's an instrumental band that at first souns derivative of mogwai's style but soon after repeated listenings, mono reaches heights that mogwai cannot reach! serious! The guitarist for the band's called yoda so go figure.. its the most beautiful music in the world and yet its so emotional.. man.. i couldve cried everytime i listen to it, just like the way i smoke a cig while kicking out to summer (winter version). MOno makes explosions in the sky sound like a hoilday with friends.
sigh... i jammed with choc tiger today, it was really great, but somethings missing still.. i wonder what..
ok im tired. im bunking off.. hoped that u learnt more about me.. harz..
Saturday, December 14, 2002 01:26 a.m.
RE-birth of sorts... Sounz in the hed: Appleseed cast's lost songs, no knife, mogwai and last days of april's angel youth.
Man.. after the gig. i FEEL so re-energized.. im sure lots of people got really inspired by the music being played loud and all at the esplanade yesterday. Well, i was! HArz.. i just went to check out some deep elm stuff and they got some new stuff.. nice nice!! CAmber souns totally great.. and im so tempted to get brandtson stuff man.. its totally. White octave.. yeah gordon told me bout the band, not that ive heard it for myself.. im totally jaw dropped. Among these bands Camber sounz totally good. Man..
well, the progress report. The winterhalter cdep called post-mal. ITs going to have like six songs. All nicely sloppily done HARZ!! sorry... i dont have good recording eqiupment, but if you can get thru sebadoh's early stuff mine would sound pleasin! Some rock songs, some stupid love songs, mostly nonsense songs.. harz. shite.. camber rocks man.. im so going to order too many cds...
Monday, December 9, 2002 10:46 p.m.
ROCK AND ROLLING!!!!!! like a happy baby!! Sounz in the head: Buddhistson, Appleseed cast's lost songs and volume one, sommerset's fast cars and slow songs... shit.. must get brandtson!!!
well its pretty late and im sorry if the webbie looks quite cock.. some probs with the html i think so. Anyways i gotta book in tomolo, at seven and i shouldnt be up now.
anyways im so happy today really, well for the past week for the matter really. Had a really great gig with speedcameraAhead, man.. it was so good that at the end there was this super cool x-wing fighter dogfighter delay closer to it!! GREAT SHOT KID IT WAS ONE IN A MILLION!! harz... but yeah i was pretty tired after all the nonsense i went thru the week in camp. I really thanks god that my PC let me off early for the gig. If not.. chin chia lat!!!
WEll I just came back from Bay beats and IT WAS SO FUCKING GOOD!! i FEEL SO HAPPY!! IM ALL SMILES REALLY!!! I SWEAR THAT I HAD THE BEST TIME IN THE WORLD!! DANCIN AND GROOVIN!! There was Buddhistson THAT WAS GREAT!!! IT WAS so GOOD really... ANd there was brandtson!! WHICH WAS GREAT DANCING MUSIC!! I really am so happy.. caught isabelle's tears ANd it was so akin to finch and ALL THAT POWER!! well... ermm.. cept for the lyrics.. abit the .. yeah.. man.. it was like uplifting and i have so much love for the music it was like a cumilation of all the stuff i went thru this year having to miss all the gigs and all. IT was godsend and i thank god for that really.
Well... i can say that i was really quite speechless for the beginning of the week.. i was still affected by meeting yeah.. her and all. But.. yeah things dont last that long.. i mean the whole aftertaste was really overwhelming, not that it doesnt stay at all or i get on my knees and shite. Somehow it was good, i had all this funny inspirational nonsense going into ma hed. Like trina said its okay to have a muse for things like that, its like a creative (more than that actually but who knows what triggers what? very freudian eh..) mode i get.. yeah.
i was kinda coaxing her into coming.. after all bay beats deserves all the media it can really! SHITE!! YOU GOT THE BEST MUSIC IN THE WORLD PLAYING SO PUNCHY INTO YER CHEST!! I had a room at the marina mandarin on sat nite after the sommerset gig and it was really great having a bubble bath and listening to sigur ros. It was great. Another would be going home on the bus and listening to Appleseed cast's owl music vol 2. Beautiful. Being in a hotel room and shite.. it was like another country looking down at suntec city from the balcony having a fag, all the more it was different in the morning. SOmetimes i wish i could share it with someone, i saw alot of nice girls really. HAHah.. ooops... ok ok .. that was a hiccup im really quite dedicated to music really. MAN!!
anyways i doubt she'd gone for the gig really, i wish she did. I remember when they had localpoolloza at youtt park and i kept telling her not to come coz.. i dont know.. talk abt me being an asshole huh. But she came anyway during the concave scream set and it was great, it was her first local gig btw. At today's concave scream's set, i dunno somehow music builds on the fundatmentals of expectation and anticipation, the ebb anfd flow of waiting for that break and release yea? I admit that expectation was mixed with her presence of some sorts not that it was there but like a ghost really.. especially the lyrics brandtson was singing..
btw the cd ep for winterhalter is more or less done. Im trying to make a consistent one really. Its all new songs.. well i dont noe whether to put in one song.. coz at the back of my mind the comments made by her kinda u noe.. affects certain things, i take this as a tribute to her position in my life and how im taking it positively i guess. oh shite.. am i emo?? harz.. its all fun fun fun..
i so thank god for tonight and bay beats and the crew who did the whole bay beats good job!! bringing down the right bands and all.. man... ntie nite nite nite nite wish you were here...
"sometimes i wake up with a smile. it's been forever since i have had a turn. it's always you or someone else. and i won't fake it anymore. i'll spend the next three hours driving in my car. to think of ways to say i'm happy when you're gone. to say i'm better off alone. on the drive back home. i listened to you talk. but didn't care. i knew exactly what you'd say before you said a thing. the time we spend together always ends up the same way. and if this is how i feel then i'll just say it like i mean. i'm sorry that i came. it's over today. and nothing that you say now will make this worth saving. how long did you think i'd stay. it hurts me to see you this way. i'm sorry"
-"with friends like you" by brandtson.. sigh isgh... im not emo im not emo... rock on angels..
Monday, December 9, 2002 01:11 a.m.
It was there that i... ermm... Souns in the head: Sigur ros' ( ), INterpol's turn on the bright lights, Homegrown's kings of pop and ..and you willl know us by the trail of dead's source codes and tags... beautiful really..
well im heading to borders in a moments time to get the new mudvayne album.. shit man.. i really hope they got somemore copies, the one that's bundled with the DVD. Man I really love mudvayne man!! ha ha!
recorded two new songs yesterday, seems like the winterhalter mini ep songlists keeps changing!! well id have to say im getting alill closer to the sound i want and its better. The two new songs are.. "white" and "tears like the winds", hee hee.. they're quite rocking but still souns a tad samey.. sigh. Ill try and find some place to put them really. i just realized that winterhalter could be the name of the supercomputer in william gibson's neuromancer, the com's name's wintermute. yeah..
sometimes i think now, that alot of the relationships ive built over the years are based on nothing. seriously, the ones that really mattered seem to be made up from magazine covers and thrown away cans.
Why I shouldnt go to RHCP: 1) RHCO songs are too funky and wont work out well ina venue like the indoor stadium short set confirm..
2) i think i dont like the people who go and watch them
3) the ticket prices are totally nonsense.. u pay so much for fruciante and flea and chad's performance using so lill equipment!! SHIT MAN Id RAther use the money to buy them a pedal so they can sound more U2 for the yuppies!!!
4)BAY BEATS!!!!!! HAHAHHHhahAHAHaAahaHAHA PEnsionSTaTECOncAVESCREAMLIVIONAPuGJElLY!!!!!!!! who needs RHCP man... now we gotta live with crazy town and the rest of the rap metal bullshovels..
im still affected by the other week.
Saturday, December 7, 2002 12:05 p.m.
call me back please? Sounz in the hed: Sigur ros's ( ) , Cave in's jupiter, interpol's turn on the bright lights and the apex theory .. (not that i was manning the apex during my excercise the other day during deployment.. hahha.. those in army get it..)
Im so happy! i got the new sigur ros.. and its really nice nice nice nice.. ther was this very nice moment just now at borders really.. must tell. Well.. what happened was i was going around looking at this disc and singing to bjork's hyperballad which was playing on the speakers there.. when this really nice cute girl.. yea.. she was really that type! haha.. she went pass me and also seeing the song at the point where bjork sings "...to feel safe again.." , she was also singing the song!!!! For a moment she turned around and i was like also .. hee hee.. blushed.. nice really.. hyperballad.. has to be her best song really..
well had a pretty exhausting week.. yea im officially a sergeant now.. haha. Its been a long while eh? From the beast of burden totally recriut days to like now.. man.. i wonder what pple see in me when they gave me the rank.. am i really that good.. as a leader really. The times where i really felt like a leader was when i was doing the praise and worship back in my church, doing the arrangements and the feel of the song.. singers and all. Man i can remember how passionate i was in getting the things done.. yeah.
today i saw her at mass. It was really funny.. a few days ago this line from the jamie lynn phillips book black tickets was stuck in my head.. from this story about strippers and all. ".. angels dont have curly hair girl.." well she was referring to strippers that is.. hahah. I saw her standing in the pews opposite facing me and there was this sunlight from behind her that made her look so different. She looked seriously so beautiful. i swear to god.. i almost could be brendan fraser in bedazzled as "most sensitive and emotional man in the world" and start sniffing all the way. Well... it was really nice.. she wass wearing this red top and all. It made me want to put my hand on the ceiling with my eyes closed, walking and tracing linces on the walls on top of me. almost like maybe touching the limits of the skies.. could it be heaven then on armstrong?? I dont know but she kept looking at me i thought, i felt kinda uncomfy.
I was totally guilty of having actually felt so much for what i saw then that after mass, when she was ard to talk to i felt so comfortable. SHe said hi and i was all quiet. I tried to avoid her really, i really felt so guilty and the right thing to do was not to talk to her, much less deprive myself of the oppourtunity to honor her friendship i so treasure. Im talking only abt this time, today.. but its just that.. its happened all the time. I feel so guilty.. she doesnt deserve someone who thinks this way abt her really. Desires and the longing to talk, hold her is not something to be proud of really.. its quite shameful. i find. really..
i saw her after mass, her hair was pretty, she mustve had the most beautiful perfume on. On her blouse the words "sex kitten" was knitted in black, " .. i got in from australia..". How does a open proclamation of one's sexual freedom compares to my own guilt of feeling the way i do? Rest assured that sex kitten, the words have already been reduced to a label or brand, no direct invitation to whoredom. My own free guilt have been reduced to nothing too.. did this all meh...
i will never forget today really. Its come to point where i dont want her to look at me. About me feeling guitly and all. I dont know, its the right thing to do i guess.. i regular mental conditioning routine works. If i ever feel that way about her, i supress it, and deprive myself any chance to start small talk to her. NOthing. I will beat myself to a point i shall think nothing more than a friend to her. I must.. time is running out really. Its been too long and all.
today i also managed to get the newly released re-issue of smashing pumpkin's earphoria. I nearly bought it for seventy bucks in australia, the original print and all. I felt really sad that i decided to part with it really. It has many memories the songs and all, i remember how the album/video made me want to write songs and all. I also remember how mel bought me vieuphoria from australia way back after i had lost my original copy i bought in sec 3.. sigh.. it was really sweet. she was telling me about how the pumpkins all look so cute in the email.. is still have it btw.
there is nothing more to say.. i am going to be a good boy and not harbour any more things in my heart. She wouldnt think it would be nice anyway. I so want to talk to her properly, its come to a point where i can only talk to her the way i used to only in song. Noone believes hur.. hahah.. its okay u might.. she used to really believe in me. i always believed in her.
Sunday, December 1, 2002 11:38 p.m.
santa maria Sounz in the hed: cave in's jupiter, hopesfall's the satellite years and ATDI's VAYA...
YEah accidently deleted to whole lot of the the entry.. have to redo shite...
Just came back from beach road and met up with brandon.. it ws great meeting him really and im totally smitten with his comment on me writing and all. I guess its all just a matter of finding the right writer to ripp off really.. hahah.. to quote.. "an approximation of longing.." how accurate?? quite easy especially when your in the army really, u dont need to be a classical japanese writer living in the floating world.. hmm..
oh well...talked abit here and there about things and all. Im pretty worried about things and all. Could break out like pimples on britney spears face really, have to keep my calm really and just keep on focusing. I remember how i was so inspired by luke skywalker's will to learn to use the force to levitate that friggin x-wing back in secondary school. I used to think of that everytime i study for chinese spelling, lifting up sense out of those characters that i should know.. after all i is chinese.. hahah the teachers always say that to me.. if only id put more effort and blow up the great chinese death star!! Later on i would see kevin as silent bob in mallrats doing to same to a cigarette... and still be equally inspired to have tt same control over my ADDICTIONS!!! ermmm... i should know my addictions well after all i am a smoker... harz..
oh well.. im really nervous.. its always times like that i get so emotional. i used to think that if i get my self all emo and all and then let it out in one big fireball it would be better. Well i guess not really, its better to keep things at that level that u can control. Its not like it would make me anymore stronger or fitter but it matters really. im worried about saturday really, man... i wanna be rocker for a day!
about dreams and all, i kinda let the cat out of the bag with bran hahha.. i will not tell anyone! cept that i think i should seriously stop acting like a cold hearted man, and be nice and warm. I guess people i think associate being nice and friendly as being ignorant and very very stupid. I'll admit that at times i think that way but on the contrary im like that most of the time... well quite stupid. Ill be nice to ya ok? i promise..
i met so many people the past few days really, old friends and my sec com. who fucked me up for being late the other day for the out camp run.. its like ive really outgrown so many things! Its like i picked up the programme for SSo performances for 2003. I remember how my parents used to bring me for the performaces back when i was in primary school. Man i totally miss it. its really quite nice, the innoncence and purity of music back then strikes a greater chord now than then. in january there's this perfomance by this local toy pianist who's been hailed as the " high priestess of the avant garde!" i admit that im totally turned on when i see that word.. sigh.. i miss the orchestras.. here i COME!!
ok i take my leave.. im feeling prettty sick now.. dunno how i can tahan the exercise.. i guess i know that somebody out there's praying for me.. i dunno.. its just better to have faith that someone's out there still rooting for me. old or new friends, lovers.. hahaha... just take care and ill take care.. till its safe again.. byez
Sunday, November 24, 2002 04:12 p.m.
good day sad day, Sounds in the head: At the drive in's VAYA, sparta's wiretap scars and kraftwerk various.
somebody so has to write a thesis about at the drive in's power. One guy said that relationship of command makes him feel like jumping of a building, i personally think its freedom like flying. Its like the music the lost boys on never land would listen to while peter pan goes out, rocking with tinkerbell!! (ermm..) Yeah, just downloaded shitloads of live ATDI and whoa.. if i were to be reborn i want to so be cedric blixer really, write like a post psych trip ernest hemingway about south america and cigars. Its like total energy in the tradition of MC5, and i though that it could be captured on live records so go figure... ATDI live.. man.. its near feedback omar does thurston moore guitar freedom! Who needs country folk to talk about politics!! All u need is one nicely placed feedback in the air to fly with pixie dust!!
Just went to tower and saw the grace ep's going for 80 bucks!! When i bought it at borders for only 14!!!! its really quite shitty when u think about what price to put on the music really..
Herry analysed the name i chose, winterhalter and i came up with something on top of that, pretty deep shit. Halters, are female tops that cant be worn in the winter, why? because its too cold yea??Its nice and sexy, chen loves halter tops like everything, i bet girls love them too, but who would buy a winterhalter? Who would make them?? Its showing too much at the wrong time and it wont work out. Har har.. talk about totally wu-liao!! And there u have it, the reason why i chose the name.. ta dah!! it doesnt sound very nice, but the thought's there.
well im feeling pretty sad and down today, for some reasons i cannot say. (Oh here we go again the same old shit hahah, vague vague.) Yeah... veron found the video that cal did for the christmas play the church group dod for christmas. Yeah, i kinda want to watch and id really rather i watch it alone. Dunno why. Its just better you know, i just want it to sink in further into the past. (appleseed cast's mare vitalis so rocks..) Yeah.. i was playing one of the main bill and ted type characters in my acting peak! Yeah.. mel was one of the wise men, hahhaa.. she was really farny man. I remember the previous play which was three years ago, a year before the one i was in. I remeber abit only, cept that it was one of those drama mama type play. Mel was interviewed outside the church about her participation and all in church on christmas night by the guys, who did good morning singapore. It was really nice waking up the next morning and seeing someone u love so much on tv. I guess i might be seeing more of her on tv. She was always u noe.. a totally better petrina kow, more energy and verve. hahah.. ok ok.. talking nonsense. Im gonna watch it no matter what. Oh yeah after that my last acting role i would ever take would be tt of a cross dressing schoolboy obsessed with making his own companion out of stolen women's clothes. i really liked that role, it was for my sis' friends final year film project. sigh.. times have changed.
in church today, i really felt so in need of someone to talk to. Just talk i guess, i think its not just talking anymore. its more like, that special someone. I admit again that i wanted to sms mel and all, but somehow the failsafe mechanism kicks in making sense that there's nothing much to talk about. These few days ive been hearing things from old friends thru friends that i somehow had influenced their lives greatly, they really looked up to me then cause of me guitar playing. I used to play lots of metal shit and all flashy but ive now mellowed out alot (!! screaming infidelities is playing!!!) i hear back those old jam tapes with me playing and i still cant believe how i used to wank like mad on guits. sometimes i wonder how things were if i hadnt met mel, and viceversa. I wouldnt have thought about really taking somethings seriously, or maybe she wouldnt have thought about takin that scholarship. What if? (no not that stupid creed song) I really want to call her but i dont think its safe now, arti bombardment lah.. : )
my demo's in the song selection stage and i think that im in a stuck on the songs. I have to have some songs like slow and low on the nonsense and shit. Have something for everyone. Somehow when communication's so much easier and faster u think alot more, and you start to really fo further than u need to. I should just call her, for old time's sakes. a song's never gonna help me, or hiding behind my glasses. I just dont want to mess up anyone's day. especially hers... sigh.. i nearly cried today looking up at stars and thinking what lies they telling me, making me feel like im on top of the world when im not. im very very much small. i miss you so much....
Saturday, November 23, 2002 11:38 p.m.
the long hard road to sell.. sOunds in the head..: jeff buckley's grace, jason lowenstein's at six and sevens, ash's free all angels, alice in chain's dirt and john lennon's imagine.... oh yeah.... the most beautiful disc in the world!! disc 5, beats from the bjork boxed set family tree..
oh well, it seems very much a tough thing to be doing this disc. It seems that my dream band or rather the kind of shit i wanna play is not very popular now. Its the curse of the 21st century i guess, playing at the extremes without realising it really. Yea.. ive had feedback from some of the tracks for the mini album that i play better slower songs and all. I just wrote this song kinda like about marilyn monroe and white dresses hee hee.. quite shite.. oh well.. confidence ar.. Its like i like playing songs with only two chords and just singing shite and going in out about dynamics and all. I cant say ala mogwai or anything but remember i hate dream theatre.. i wanna be like a more believable j macsis! hahah.. i love playing simple songs so much kinda like makes u feel all nice and sleepy.. man.. too much neu i guess, repition has become part of my style!
ive been thinking alot really these days, next week's gonna be tough really.. its making me go mad..
well progress report on the mini album.. i might be recording some new songs just for the albums.. i guess there arent any "slow" songs and all. Honestly i havent been too sincere in making up the words and all so im really making a concious effort this time really. I wonder what people might be thinking how my songs sound like really, i kinda wanna say its like a shittier sanrio character musicbox.i am beginning to really find ways to make the music serve me better is saying somethings really.
man... sigh koff koff.. sigh... i wish i could be in jim o'rouke's band.. i would so love that..
im feeling damn sad now, not that it really makes any difference... or making me try to make a difference at all, its just somethings lah. Man... im really thinking alot of things, kinda like all these wierd little nickity pickies that u start to see in the past only now..
things are starting to really fuck up and i can see it, little trailer bits and pieces fall into place faster than long kang water man. REally, its alot better now that i noe that i can bounce back from feeling shite faster than anyone really. Like today i felt so much better after hearing bob dylan rainy woman no. something and something, just the thought that im not the only one getting stoned every second everywhere, strangely i find some comfort in his lyrics which might lead me to the greatest music geek habit...... collecting bob dylan bootlegs... that is really the extreme...
oh well, ive heard somepple telling me rumours that ive been kicked out of choc tiger.. that's scary really!! Argh... oh btw the cd's okay already.... ill burn like five copies and pass it around yar?? or email me and ill like send the mp3 files or something... hmm... im so dumb at computers really that's why im still stuck at pitas.com..
man... im startin to get this wierd obsession with marilyn monroe.. i saw this photobook with her in a swimming pool sans makeup and im telling... she's so beautiful. sgh... reminds me of someone (oh there i go again.... fuck man when will i grow up!!)
i pay my busfares with coins and countless times the bus drivers gives me a ticket for student fare... shit man.. im 21 for godsakes!! sigh... i think my muscles abit got shape lah.. more man.. My bunkmates were being very insensitive and started talking about how thier girlfriends could beat me up. sigh..
very very soon... sigh.. i really wish that it could be safe again to talk to her. cOme to think of it... this being "safe" to communicate thing has been on my mind.. its lieka ll of a sudden this whole danger amazonian jungle grows out in between us and we drift.. sometimes i wish i could say more than just "HI! how ARE U!!" or shit that goes like that.. the dialogue sounds cheesier than a channel five sitcom... lydia lum to lydia sum.. change of character no change in style.. poosh..
Thursday, November 21, 2002 11:33 p.m.
Sleepes... Sound in the head: Bjork's family tree boxed set (Bought it for 79 bucks FROM HMV!!!!), Jeff buckley's the grace e.ps ( FOR FOURTEEN BUCKS!!!! ITS MADNESS!!), jim o'rouke's insignificance, favez, further seems forever's the moon is down and quicksand's manic compression.. oh yeah!! and The super power eyepatch's first single "someoneelse" WATCH for this name!!
well im pretty tired so ill just say... IM SPENDING TOO MUCH ONCDS!!!! and... go and buy this month's issue of uncut with john lennon (my total rock god) with the jem of a disc bundled with it containing covers of his songs... check out ian mculloch's cover of jealous guy and generation x !!!!! SHIT!!
emotionally deficient sounds in the head: ah-ha's greatest hits, duran duran's RIO, u2's zooropa (my totally fave u2 album, just got it on disc.. loved it ever since secondary school, hated joshua tree!!), lisa loeb's tails (same.. loved it like forever!) and reggie and the full effect's promotional copy.
well had a great day really! jamming with speedcameraahead just makes me all nice and warm inside, like chilling out on some brazilian beach and watching the clouds connect to the sea, everything looks possible. It was great really, still i think my bass playing sounds really irregular!! SHItE!!!@@@ Have to get that farking bass!! I was really stupid on the way to jamming coz i took the wrong bus to the place and ended up in novena instead. I felt so incredibly stoopid really. Shit sometimes i really doubt my mental sanity, im forgetting things i shouldnt!!
well im feeling much better really, esp after hearing the manic street preacher's greatest hits remixes which were great really!! worth the price of the disc it self!! U've got tsunami remix by cornelius and u stole the sun from my heart by mogwai! Oh yeah.. the incredible remixes by the chemical brothers totally rock!! esp on Faster which i think was a farking tuff job to do man!!
well im now looking thru the deep elm records website planning to order the new appleseed cast and some nice old stuff. Didnt know it took a week for the discs to ComE! i expected it to be longer really!! Well just now at borders i found out that they had already brought in the new bjork boxed set (well not exactly a boexed set) but was reseverd by one of the stuff thus cutting me OUT!!! its like all the border's staff have their eyes on the damn album! sHIT@ i was really hoping i could have it really, and its quite ex really... 99 bucks.. which i find it strange really. Its like the echo and the bunnymen boxed set was goin for 60plus whwn HMV has it still for 110 bucks?? wierd.. sometimes all this wierd wide price gap makes me wonder.... What is the real worth or price of music... or rather recorded music.. hhmmm...
well im feeling much better now really, what happened a few days ago still bites at the ghost at the back of my mind ( lisa loeb's do u sleep.. hee hee). Its like im really digging myself into the ground and the scary thing's that im not the only one. someguys bury themselves not in the gorund but rather routine.... getting themselves out of that would mean total dis-equlibrium with the world. sometimes i wonder about myself really. For most of the week in camp i was at the smoking point wiht my disc man alone. I read in some health mag i took from watsons' that reptition is relaxing and takes your mind off things, quite true really, like some sonic youthful feedback stare that keeps holding on to your brows, and soon you submit into some deep sleep state like a polar bear... harz!!
oh yeah btw album to be aware of but not buy this year.. well that is until my course finishes is Beck's sea change.. it is a very beautifully sad album, gone are the funk-disco ornaments on midnight vultures or the folk tomwaits notes on mutations but pure Country electro symphony tunes.This album would make wilco and jay farrar blush really lyrically and musically. Its very very scary.. i can say its very very emotional. Throw away all previous impressions of beck (ala loser or dead weight) cause this is real music, naked and will burn a hole thru your hands.
alright time to sleep, id love to talk more but its late and all. Tomolo ill do somemore stuff and its book in again, sigh..... BTW ill be thinking of someway to do the demos thingie.. and im planning a new name for myself!! a nice nice name which kinda sums up the feel i need for my songs. im still short of space so hold on... guess i noe what to give people this christmas.... three years of music.. Music is made up of lies that help us understand the truth in life as quoted by someone.. dunno who..
night night.... sigh..
Sunday, November 10, 2002 02:08 a.m.
there is something that is fucking killing me Sounds in the head: this may sound totally mastubatory but im listening to my tracks on the 30 percent done mammoth collected demos im doing... listening to the track "last pretensions of rockstarboy"
im feeling very very very frustrated.. im sick of playing saint without thinking twice... its sick.. imagine something i totally love has become something that u so totally hate for your whole life.. against everything u believe in.. that u thrive on.. that i love for.. totally..
its an cross frayed ends now the tips of totally breaking down. I should have talked to someone about it earlier u noe.. hahah.. but well i never learn my lesson that i shouldnt keep things in and play the saint. Im too nice.. seriously im so frustrated to a point tt the only fucking thing to do is fucking cry and rip my face off so i wont recognise the immediate affected party from the circumstances. i can be as vague as this really. Its affecting me everywhere, from the very depth of my soul to the pimples on my goddamm face. im now listening to a cover of "thinking of you" by radiohead i did last year. hahah.. long time ago.
i really should talk to someone. i shouldnt be like this. I really shouldnt. not when im plannin to pass around three discs of collected songs and shite, its detrimental to my whole esteem as a person or a musician (afterall im totally unable to seperate both, am i a over passionate artist at that then?) i like it how winamp segues the tracks, makes it like a contining concert or something.
im really cracking over, why? why hwy hwy hwy why.. why does it have to be this fucking way huh? Why GOD!! To get over this i know what i have to give up... i so know.. but is it what i think it is? im so hurt today alot more than anyone can say. Like anybody really cared? hor.. i have never ever felt that the world could come crashing like this in this manner really.. oh god.. this is so tough really. "red book" this song about political ideology ot something 's playing that i played... its so un rage against the machine.. hahha..
leave me alone.. that's all i want to say.. come close to me and ill die.. leave me fucking alone. its everything really... fuck man..
songs that is now on mp3..not in chronolgical order..
vol one:Shitshaunsongs.. 1)bruce lee vs hong kong
2)chinese love im sorry
3)cold water is flat
4)dewateridge
5)eyes falling blue
6)crack of dawn
7)far east kid '93
8)fleet to fleet (midway)
9)im sorry (birthdaysong)
10)last pretentions of rockstarboy
11)suit yourself
12)lunabye
13)meantakamean
14)miller #1
15)mineminchmail
16)nice sun
17)polar bear funeral march
18)quest for ions
19)red book
20)run polar run
21)short waveform techniques
22)stiffkettinrock
23)the train has a door (by marcus wong)
24)thinking of you (radiohead)
25)tonight
26) would u pretend to love
most of the songs are instrumentals really.. i hope their nice relzing ones really.. sigh... had to knock out a few really.. and its still so many!! fuck AND THEY ALL SOUND LIKE SHIT!!!!!!! That's the sound of sincerity.. fucking shit.. that's all.. ill be putting them on disc aplhabetically.. saves the hassle of fucking cheebai track lists and shite.. god help me really..if you want a copy email me or sign the guest book with your email ill work it out.. cover art is so uncertain... just like how im gonna take the grind of things around me... thank you for supportin pure authenticity.. that's so monkey of me.. opps.. did i mean human?
Tuesday, November 5, 2002 11:49 p.m.
the reasons to loving to hate you. Souns in the head: The flaming lip's transmissions from the satellite heart, drowningman's still loves you ep, tori amos' scarlet's walk, mogwai's young team and ...you will know us by the trail of dead s/t...
yeah today i shall tell the story of a great band to be.. yes.. Jason and arylene just left the building after listening to some very very old jam tapes from '96-'97 before the heydays of soft rock and interstellar sonic flirtations. Back then i was a metal neo crassical nutcase leaning on calavera/hammet bow eyed guitar wanking.. close.. now as i sit at the computer tired and sleepy, with the sweet innocence of wayne coyne and the flaming lips in the background, i shall tell the story that was shaun "faggort guitarist extrodanaire" soh. Furthermore complete with st andrew's school boy angus young posings and near samoth/insahn lust for destruction!! smelling of after school secret winston red smokes and repressed hormonal activity limited to the convent girls at toa payoh interchange (FHM wasnt out yet then.).
MEtal Blades Made Out of STAplers stuck TO YESTerDAY's NOtes FOr AMATHS..(story of a deathrock boy) Part one
it was 1996, secondary 3 was tough for shaun. He had a girlfriend from the nearby chio bu palace chij. it was a dream come true for him really (that;s another story!!). He was a passive smoker, hooked on stale fags stolen from his friends who were heavy into cobainesque bravery, The school toilets were littered with cig butts and toilet paper balls in the ceiling. THe very depths of our soul reflected the toilets, young, bored and very very wanting to get the fuck out of here.
Shaun then, inspired by Janet jackson's guitarist at a concert, tries his best to mimic the squeals from the guitarist while he plays black cat. He then find like minded metal heads at the same time spreading the faith that is slayer and calling metallica total wissies. He would then meet joshua, school boxing captain to play for him. A bassist was found later on, marc. (suddenly i think im too tired to write somemore.. oh well)
a band is born out of the ashes of having to put up with fuck heads covering oasis and nirvana! Where shaun could pratice what he had learnt from EMperor, sepultura, Iron maiden and Kiss!!! AN OUTLET!! A MEANS TO KICK ASS!! He was still in doubt though, his other band mates all loved metallica and bon jovi, I FUCKING HATE BON JOVI!!( wait wasnt i suppose to write this in a third person perspective!)
Shaun would then play confusing many mats about how this faggort chink could play like kirk hammet and sound so FAT!! By then classrooms would be filled woth talk speak of oasis and nirvana.. ahhh fuck.. i cant finsih this.. im tired... anyway... more the next time.. how did this shaun go from sepultura to sunny day real estate from emperor to sonic youth and slayer to tori amos.. hahah..
ok off with the bullshittin, im a egomanic! i guess the flaming lips album wasnt the right album to write too, its making me feel all woozy like cough syrup.
anyway today i was feeling very shit. I so totally miss putting my arms around a girl really. I really miss loving, a girl. HAhah.. yeah.. and im really feeling not for zouk coz or anything. in an infantile state of mind and body, im reaching slowly for a swedish backdrop for my sing song. Im planning to compile all my demo recordings on CD-R and give it away. It'll be called Shaun soh.. demos and homos 2000-2002.. It'll most definately be about three CD-RS considereing the amount of material ive accumulated so far. Songs about love love love love and more love. Hahah.. after much editing i guess it'll be ard two dics lah. I just heard some my old stuff and its funny, its like i could really do music quite well, the ideas and energy is quite amazing really, Reflecting what i was listening at that time. Like the ADF phase, the nick drake phase, the radiohead phase, the Verve phase and the humpback oak phase.. hHHeheh.. like some posuer frank zappa i am. Which eventually brought me down to being a total zilch in returns.
my fave songs would be the ones during Pre u two.. i would record immeadiately after school, straight to the bedroom. Hahahha.. i did covers of beatles, john lennon and all. trying to work out my fucked up voice and all. Next thing trying to be an acoustic placebo/bowie creating my own space oddity. The song "u can do whatever u want" was one of the songs that i made up for mel that most pple have heard it. It sounds very very lame now to me, totally unfash. the lyrics were cock, the chorus sounds like some ah pek forgetting the melody at karoke. The best time i played the song would be at the border's gig, where marcus did the harmonies. IT was nice. The other time would be at calvin's b-dae party at his uncle's pub or something where i played it for mel. It felt very full.
alot of nice songs i came up with, like this AIC sounding one "without you, within you" hahah, yeah copped the title from the george harrison song. I was always so in love with beatles songcraft. ALot lah.. some songs were always lethargic with the Lou reedisms too obivious and all. Some was so gary louris ala jayhawks, it felt the sane think to do coz theie lyrics were just as cheesy as mine, or so i thought. There were the songs that were just so whiny!! Pulling off jeff buckleysism were tough!! IT Still is!! hahah..
the best songs came after i broke up with mel, i kept wondering before i broke with her why she didnt want to hear my songs.. iguess i suck SO BAD!!! BEWARE!! And i didnt know why i couldnt write a song for her at all. funny.. but i did eventually, write too many songs for her. I remember i wrote mostly folky shit songs, kinda inspired from the dashboard confessionals and thom yorke's jeff buckley lite stylings, i wasnt afraid to whine much. There were the Neu style instumentals too hahah.. and all in the confines of my four track bedroom, sgt pepper's lonely hearts club band by the beatles was made on Eight tracks, and if i had four, wouldnt the chances of making an album half as great as that be still there!! HAHAH!!
ok ok.. i shall stop talking about all this nonsense.. yeah.. someday maybe u the reader may hear some shitty ditty from me. Like some herman hesse character, i am so fuekd over by how so little i can do with these songs, the least i can do is pass it around. But im most content with her having it, she dont have to listen to it. Its just there in carbon magnetic waves waiting to be laughed at.
Monday, November 4, 2002 02:08 a.m.
cry cry cry cry cry cry cry cry... like youve never ever ever did mister smith Sounds in the head: Tori amos' scarlet's walk, peter murphy's aLive just for love, cocteau twins' stars and top soils, sparta's wiretap scars and speedcameraAhead's jam disc which is so totally rocking.. oh yeah.. u must listen to the CHURCH!!! British replacement's come echo and the bunnymen.. gaud i love the 80's indie scene..
well, its that feeling again really. I just need the time alone. Im sorry brandy if i didnt go out with you and all, i really am tired. Im just feeling all inside out,like the moon ive been dreaming of all my life has never existed before.
the week was a tiring one really, working like a decomposing dog has never been charming for me but the experience has been worthwhile nontheless. Im just feeling abit alone that's all, no worries. Its just funny that its being two years already. In the blink of other people eyes, there's really so much memories that can be retrieved. Like late night studying in house, falling in love and actually feeling confident enought to do so (i guess i need to get that confidence back really... i guess i realised i never realy did.) Perplexing it seems really, always anticipating when ill be back on the top and back at the bottom.
it itches at the edges of my eyes really, the geometry of things now seem really muddled by the usual throes of feeling so left behind. Really, so left behind. I take it that people really think im okay and all. I trust their good taste in judgement. i met two old classmates today, yeah they've finished the army and all already. My old bunk mates well, they've made it already. Im still in this stupid music preacher boy scout coat that protects my from what i dont know.
im so tired. tired tired tired tired. U can say the word a few more times and discover that it loses its lustre. tired... tIREd.. TIred.. hee hee.. ok okdamn boh liao. But u noe what i mean. it comes to this wierd circle around to acting on it, breaking out of it. Yeah.. u could sleep.. hahah! I have to do something. some times... i wish i could.
this girl i think i have a thing for ends up having a boyfriend who's a commando, how;s that for building up self esteem? And strangely out of this world Rafflesian girl in super bright (But not gaudy@!!) tie dye shirt appears again, for a few moments i swear that there was some communication. Oscillatine back and forth between an episode of felicity to hi-fidelity the movie, it loses it momentum after sometime, giving the illusion of permenace. things still go on yeah, just look the the clock, ticking away. sigh.. i wish things would be like.....
Sunday, November 3, 2002 01:44 a.m.
L@zy calm. Sounz in the head: cocteau twin's 1980-90, The church's very best of, Bauhaus' in the flatfield, love and rocket's seventh dream in teenage heaven, gothic rock boxed set and sarah maclahlan's surfacing.
blending like poster paints on leaves the time glides into air balloons disappearing into the horizon, on course for venus. Its being a nice weekend, topsy turvy and wide eyed blinding. i really loved jamming with speed camera ahead today.. its really the best thing that's happened! I mean playing with them is so good that i feel so unworthy to play in them! Its so nice like today, i totally felt so condensed, summarized into some wierd embryonic state of mind on the bass. It was as JG Ballard puts it "in perfect symtetry within everything". It was like something from the inside sleeve of some warm vinyl record sleeve by Fleetwood mac (not like ive seen any before, but i'd like to think its that way..) Youve got the super volcanic guitar freak outs courtesy of john and marcus, sounding like neon lights flashing past u in some futuristic New jersey skyline reminicing dreaming past bedtime. Milton with his sweet sweet sweet sweet sweet rhytmns totally in time with vanilla ice cream, sweet, creamy, volume and pure sincere white. Joe with his almost shamanic singing, could imagine him doing it under some moonlit sky for some tribal ceremony. If hearing it could make ur synapses coil outwards, the lyrics would rearrange the head furniture that your heart lives in . hahah... yeah.. about me.. i just sound like ben lurie drunk listening to the black rebel motorcycle club shitting in DETAILS magazine. I hope the guys, and the crowd we play to will hear what i hear in my head...
sometimes i wish at the end of the day i could share it. Like hahah.. some girlfriend or something like that. I miss it really. i want to share it with someone.. sometimes..
Sunday, October 27, 2002 11:53 p.m.
Ermmm.... Sounz in the head: Tones on tail's everything, sarach maclachlan's surfacing, hitomi's self-potrait and sigur ros!! yes those were my b-dae discs.. not forgetting the mandatory empire records and romeo and juliet osts and the super must hear.... smashing pumpkins' pices iscariot... yes yesy esy es.. its so timeless...
now sitting at the com with my chin chow on a nights out... i am so so tired.. hee hee. yeah got some nice gifts waiting for me at home.. it was nice. thankyou!! Anyways.. i didnt do anything for my b-dae at all, besides buyin the super uber cool Bjork's live at cambridge DVD. Beautiful really.... its was done with mark bell and the icelandic octet. BNICNEINIECNEIN!! har har.. anyways i dont want to say much cept for thanks to all my friends whom i still know since my other birthday. Thanks for being around. Herry hahah..
yes this is also the one year anniversary of this stupid website.. yes yes... its being already one year.. andi feel so fucking guilty.. sigh. i cant bear to say it.. but.. someday. Yeah, so much shit has happenend hur, all nice and some bad. hard and long road to somewhere else. I hope that im really prepared to legally watch r(a) movies and you know do adult stuff like casual sex.. (!!! JUST JOKING!!!!). yeah, look all nice and mature. Write music and stuff that's believable cause im an adult. Scared huh. I only wish that this time, ive let go of some teenage things, like sounding like a angst anthem all the time, cutting myself (yeah i still do that.. stupid huh!??!), talking big!! and yeah,... falling in love and holding on to it thinking its worth it.
before i start sounding like the lastest guest editor on NEW MAN (btw pierre png's interview on the mag was great.), i really think i have to go to prepare myself for the goth weekend. YEah, time to start looking at things like skeletor and turn my room into a dungeon!! Its time to dig out dephece mode's violator and black celebration! THE CURE's FAITH AND PORNOGRAPHY!! ITS TIME TO TAKE OUT THE JAMS!!!!! hee hee, oh yeah.. and the ever nicely dark crow soundtrack.. boy i love it when halloween's after my b-dae!! hee hee.. somebody make me a bahaus shirt and call me robert smith.. growl.. oh kay.. im not so goth.. poser goth ROCKS!!!
Thursday, October 24, 2002 07:30 p.m.
OH NO!! GRAHAM COXON KICKED OUT OF BLUR!! sounz in dah head: Jets to brazil's orange rhyming dictionary, the cranberries' everybody's doing it so why cant we, stabbin westward's various and death cab for cutie's stabilty ep which is think is crap, cept for the totally wonderful cover of bjork's all is full of love.. sorry marc!! : )
YOO HOO!! im back yesh.. i went to borders to like totally hang around and look at the crowd at border's which was totally full of pretty uni girls!! Harz.. all right.. yeah i was so tuned in to buying cds that i had lost.. like sigur ros and wanted to get the new glassjaw cause it was like so fucking cheap!! wanted stabbing westward but too... eee-eee. Then also got the super uber cool electo pop ala new euro dance cher reunion of berlin!! YEs!! it has explicit sexual content as warned on the front cover. More fantastic cd reviews... Emperor's new live album rocks Shite!! its like all of a sudden border's been chocked full of great metal cds!! like samael old albums.. convenant(of uk), more failure cds!! SHITE!!! And they brought shitloads of johnny winter which i so want to get cause they rock so hard!! SHITE!!
well oh well, tom ive got to go back to camp for some dumbshit lecture and then go for a unit "fun run" at mac ritchie. Ill catch a movie with chenny then, maybe got effects pedal shopping, hoping to sound by billy howerdale meets monthy python by the end of the year!!! SAturday is unit family day and in the night its some thingie party at changi.. sigh.. havet o make this weekend count.. after all ITS MY FUCKIN BIRTHDAY!!well.. soon that is...
oh yeah.. wish i could tell mel this... but that legally blonde girl shit.. whatsaname.. ermm..reese witherspoon yeah!! hahaha... a slight tinge of tomboy that's nice with all the girlishness.. fuck.. why am i wrting this!! IVE GOT PRIVATE THOUGHTS FORGODSAKES!! oh weelll... talk to yer tomolo!! nitezzzzzzz.....
Thursday, October 17, 2002 11:52 p.m.
at last!! sounz in the head: And you will know us by the trail of dead s/t, sparta's wiretap scars, at the drive in's acrobatic tenement and the cranberries expanded version of everyone's doing it so why cant we.. oh yeah.. im listening to the pumpkins again.. hahah.. happy birthday shaun..
anyways.. at last ive passed her my b-dae card with the ever super crappy mini album ive named "are u a caricature?". With ermm.. farny songs.. that are serious. ermm.. im funny rite? yeah... man.. she looks totally stressed really can tell in the way she laughs and all. well ive managed to make myself better just only by playing all these songs.. making them up and all. Shit i think that i sound better live than when i record. I wish i could play a gig on my birthday and play people my songs, they're nice in a sensefield way.. those who heard them will understand.
alright i wont be booking out this whole week... yeah that means yeah. Anyways, its gonna be my b-dae soon, so's yeah. here we goes fun fun fun fun fun funf unfunf at the field.. btw the hint for the b-dae present is.. anything to do with tim burton. fulls top... man.. ilove the pumpkins..
songs list for "are u a caricature" on shitty shaun records
1) blue(intro)
2) do you wanna go
3) tonight
4) wont stay
5) blue
6) tambourhinocerous
7) 21 shiny guitars
8) end
tadah!!!!!!!that was it... complete with a track by track commentary by bonsaimanu... hahah.. llike its really widely available... hahah.. sigh... the musings of a rock star fade out.. soon i will take over my estate!!
take care and im feeling much better thank to you..
Sunday, October 13, 2002 08:31 p.m.
i cannot take it.. here it goes...
well its really eating me off especially so close to my birthday, or maybe its because of my birthday?
lets flashback, is it because maybe of my pampered childhood i keep thinking that i may get what i want on my birthday?? is it?? sigh... i dont know.. things are getting so much further and its not really goin to do me any godd unless i do something really, but..
for instance, i so want to write to mel but i cant.. beacause im afraid too go look in to my her old letters and all.. i guess i should.. shit man. What the fuck.
oko k.. yesterday.. choc tiger jam was so madness. I was totally angsty, played hard nice and hard. PLayed like monkey... sung like a shit head.. Its nice to drown yourself totally in your sub concious.
the gist of this: i really miss mel.
i just had a dream of her last night which was really wierd. It was like she was looking thru some books at times the bookstore and i was there. She kept reading books and all later on i walked off thinking that the reason why she wasnt talking to me was because she was waiting for her boyfriend and all. I understand. Later on.. i went back and she was still there. She didnt want to talk to me really. I recommended some books to her and she just shrugged it away. She then went back to reading her books.
there is an issue that i have here really, its being bugging me the past few weeks. Yeah, i totally think that im so unattractive to any or everyone. i think that my habits, passion my heart and fucking soul.. is so fucking ugly. god.. sometimes i really wish that i could just go to amelia or mel and ask them, what did they see please? i really cannot remember. And in return ill tell u what i see in you. Pure brutal honesty. i wish.
im so sad these days because i feel the total weight of being away and all. All this thing about spirituality... i really am finding it shitty, i mean whaty's important are the relationships that people have and not how spiritual they are.. why?? its like..
ive been wanting to send mel her birthday card, ive always told myself that ill keep trying when i can really. I guess i couldnt this time because ive realised how pathetic and fucked up i am, in the totalsense of things. How i look at things like some fucking colouring book right bran? hahha.. my dreams are a recurring fantasy that may have already happened but never alert enuff to notice. an di sa. this is between the both of us really. for me i keep thinking its between the world and me.. i have to stop thinking that she is the world...
just now, i received an email from mel addressed to the rest of the guys and all. She's going to new york for five months on an exchange program and all. I hate it when things like that happen.. its like.. i feel this hollowness in my heart. Its funny.. like someone blowing into a tiger beer bottle and that sound.. hollow. Its like ive missed you so much and miss u even more if u leave?? hahah... sometimes i wish i was talking to mel. her experiences and what she learnt can really teach me alot of things now that im in the army which yeah.. sometimes i want to call her and you know talk to her. Or sometimes i wish that she would call, You know u shouldnt be worried when u stop thinking of god and all totally. You should be worried that one day u stop thinking totally and forget the people that did something.
HAppy brithday shaun soh. what u want??
for you
for youth
for glue,
cannot put these pieces back
on truth
on hooves
for truth,
my horse eats grass that u shat on
funny how these pieces fit
rabbit, car, victim, ambulance and vanilla.
at the tip of my fingertips. yum.
Sunday, October 13, 2002 10:23 a.m.
i want to write a poem!!! HAr ahr roman romantic.
oh looky here its an animal farm!
what animal may i be today?
a dog?
a cat?
or a monkey?
i love animals cause i see myself in them.
After a while of chasing my tails,
a sharp shadow tidies itself in the sandblown walls
camel shadows and musket fires lit up the night sky.
"There is evil here"
the old wise abdul strokes his parrot, which he bought from a market before reaching this part of the desert.
from within his cloaks he pulls out knife sharp enough to cup the wind-breeze.
sometimes june would dream of december's reindeers instead of presents she were to receive.
staring at old christmas cards of santa and his reindeers going pass the moon, on the for merry making.
Three days ago her parents and their dog went out to the river to fish. instead, at the edge of the reservoir they found grotesque mudskippers and a whole plethora of
creepies eating on their ham sandwich.
in the heart of the city it stinks like monkey fur.
deep in the recesses of not one but "one" near the stray dogs. with peacock fashion limtiations and post natal chameleon acts.
The ring leader lifts up his arms.
The audience claps on, as harry the elephant continues on its warpath into the man.
Saturday, October 12, 2002 03:04 a.m.
Piperpoisonarrows. Sounz in the ears: Ears ringing after jamming with speed camera.. rocks.. ok ok.. a slight tinge of sunny day real estate... man.. rocks and rolls..
well just came back from my jamm with speed camera and it was so good really! Cept that i notice that i really cant be a serious rock star type, cause of the way of play my guitar and yeah.. highly abstract terms to get my musical ideas across.. har har.
anyways i really have thanks the guys, its been along time since i played this hard. Its like im back on track again, the rhytmn's okay and the notes hit hard like clouds. the songs were long but i wish they were longer and windy, like nusfrat fateh ali khan pieces to apoint where there can be no return.. i like that. Something like a candy cane that doesnt finish you know (whoops that sounded vely doity...) har har.. anyways..
true to the spirit of things.. im very anxious over tomolo. I guess yep.. there are some issues. I was very happy that miller replied to my email, it was nice. Well there's no time left and i ve got book in soonz.I was wanting to go to church to maybe catch someone but.. yah she'd be busy.. sigh life really feels like its end when u listen too much to mogwai and yo la and tengo. Its time to switch to classical music.. sweet sweet.. see u next week.. fuck its going to be long week.. need to say rosary already..
I WAS A SWEET CHILD you're parents were lucky with you. you're sweet. innocent. helpful. and cute. what kind of child were you? (brought you by april)
Sunday, October 6, 2002 06:54 p.m.
sueisfine... Souns under headz: Mogwai's 4 satin ep, sonic youth's sister, sunny day real estate's lp2 and boards of canada's geogeddi...... sigh..
well i cant say much really. Today i met an old friend who used to be an old classmate, he was one of the guys i went with to the suede concert back in ermm.. 97?? yeah. Sigh.. he's now doing some freelance writing in FHM and maz i thinks. I met him at borders while looking at some books, talking each other over the rack in the middle of the shelves. It was pretty funny talking to him really, all about what we were going to do, about my plans to pick up creative writing course or doing journalism. We were talking about my dad too, and how he could get me a job, with charles bukowski books in between us (i so wanted to get one really, i like his stuff).
it then just hit me why all this reclusion from everything, from talking to people or wanting to stop doing music and shit. Ive developed this incredible shyness to what shit i make. Im not saying that brandon's "encouragment"'s made me feel extremely insecure at time, but i do give him alot towards his photos and all. I guess i need some really, i used to have alot really and it got to a point i was dependent on it (u noe). Ive learnt more or less to deal with it alone, feeling much more confident, but its wearing out. Sometimes when i listen to mogwai or yo la tengo, i just have the feeling that these are the last albums that i will ever, ever ,ever buy for the rest of my life. Mogwai's super serious guitars just say the end for me. Its the end after jeff buckley, nirvana, mineral and the stooges. Jazz doesnt cut it for me, its too... varied in a same way. Im listening for the purity in things again, like how i could see the purity in sebadoh's freed pig back in sec 2. Let alone trying to write. My friend did mention that musicians have a natural thing for writing, really? One person i really want to be and able to write like would be haruki murakami.. that's music in motion.. high velocity words. Yeah.. i just need some.. encouragement.
yeah, it was quite funny when i realised how shit id sometime feel everytime i am about to leave borders. Sometimes id feel so hard up to read some philo books, or some hard thought books and make my way to the philo section but, would be totally put off. By what?? By some really smart looking pple, the kind you'd get in Local u's. I feel really shit when pple tell me i should some media or art fart related course next time because i was a commerce student for my a's, did mostly commerce subjects (cept art) for my o's and yeah.. stubbornly didnt want to take literature or arty shite seriously (well i did take art elective in sec three, but got retained because i did pretty badly for the other subjects. I still blame having to stay back after school for art class as having me retained. Imagine. Art sucks) I walk around border's today feeling so horribly alien really, like im some primary school kid horsing around in some Junior college waiting for an imaginary big brother to take me home. sigh..
me and sean have somehow brought things to just wanting female companionship. Yeah.. just simple talk, which can really make u feel all nice and special. Not in that falling in love way, but, a really nice simple way that makes u think why there are two sexes. About girls, i really so totally have a crush on that girl in church (excuse me for using crush really, its not really what u think.) ITs kinda really boring going thru the motions of feeling that, thinking thru it and coming to a conclusion that its quite bullshite and im scared still. Its better this time coz i dont noe if she remembers me btw. She's always with this guy that i thinks her boyfriend, others tell me brother, nah dont know. I saw her after mass talking to another guy i know, he was getting her number. I kept thinking on the lines of if i did that, would she give me her number. Afterall i doubt she'd remember my name even so. man.. i cant say im love sick... there's so much to do but so little of myself to pass around. I really want to talk to her so much.. just u noe.. be able to look her in the eyes and converse, tt's all, simple.
oh well.. i have to sleep.. sometimes i really so much better just staying away from things. I was just reminded of some bad times. Old friends.. sigh.. they do it to me lots too much. good night and..
Sunday, October 6, 2002 02:43 a.m.
las minite. Sounz in the head: Janet jackson's all for you, sonic youth's EVOL and Yo la tengo's painful.
Understanding is the sum of all misunderstanding.
ta dah.. today i read in the world's greatest book. Fuck... i wont tell.. hahah.. its my super secret... Yeah basically what we think we know, we have equally no knowledge of, or rather dont know at all. Basically there is nothing that we have full understanding off. Ourselves for that matter. Who was i when i was in love? We convince ourselves that we understand things as they are thru various stubborn ways that we dont bother deconstructing them, but in the end its all really not in our hands. The only way out of this is thru our dreams, constantly living in our own individual fantasies, not aware how little we know. Once u cannot differentiate between what u know and dont know, everything falls into one big blob. It chokes u and u realise that uve fallen apart and reassembled into some wierd being. My dreams fell apart when i fell out of love last year really. I started understanding things as they are, taking things as what it is when i know so little. Its come to point whereby it numb and reality is as i thought i understood it to be. The grey areas start to seem much more visible under the light. sigh... i kinda wish sometimes.... sometimes u realise that the only way to get up, and not think about what u noe. That what how is how u thought up your own reality is thru god. Leaving all with him.Forget about these grey areas, and do not read too though provoking books in camp. They will fuck u up. Shit.. i repeat i have the greatest book in the world....
time to book in.. ta ta..
Wednesday, October 2, 2002 07:28 p.m.
simone movie review and more... sounz in the headM: Geneva's weather underground, Sarah maclahlan's mirrorball, the smith's meat is murder and sonic youth's evol.
im feeling pretty melocholic today. Why?? hahah.. let's just put things into perspective first (oh shite u must be thinking another long long entry. but! neccessary.) The order of events for today...
1) my ex called me up abt losing her job and.. she called me up in the night, very very sad and emotional. I was kinda taken aback at the reasons why.. it was the job but.. i guess its about who you're doing it for. I tried so hard really to comfort and all but when she said something, i just snapped and asked her if she was aware who i was talking to. Last night, i really sincerely wanted not to feel like that, all depressed and really broken. I didnt know what to do really, after all i havent even had any experience in office poilitics to that level. So i just told her how much i want to help her that's all. That was it. It was just so damn sincere and satisfying on my part even though i was totally helpless in my methods. I just told her that. She said some stuff about trying to be ok and all, i just told her something like, it doesnt have to be trying, just take it as it's a whole lot better to be ok, ot something like that. Im not saying this just because its some self serving kind of excuse for being a total idiot and all when it comes to consoling pple, but, sometimes being brutally honest in the sweetest way helps. i really hope she's fine really.. in that way not the other way no more.
2)i came across an old friend when i was on my way to church for mass after book out today. YEah.. it was pretty funny and all, him getting religious and all. The big thing was that he was telling me that my birthday was coming. It was in that "oh shaun your b-dae coming leh." it was very matter of factly, like some holdiday i ought to be excited about. I dunno, i just brushed it off saying something like "i dont give a damn" which was somewhat how i am towards it. Is it so adult to think that way or what?
3) after which i bumped into julius with my mom. He was running towards me, rushing or something, his face pale. I had to call him out after he went pass me before he knew i was right in front of him. He told me he was on his way to meet a friend and all. Later on, near my block, his brother, sis and girlfriend were talking and all. I wanted to say hi but instead they were totally oblivious to my usual u noe, attention thingies. The first thing they asked me was where julius was. It seems that julius had some tiff with his gf or something, and was suicidal. I gave his bro my no. to call after i told them where i last saw him. It was scary really, u start to think about what could happen and look back at the signs and symbols that led to this. Why wasnt i attentive?? Alert??
4)On my way to meet francis for the movie, i saw a amubulance right across the seven elevn from my place. Somebody was being carried ona stretcher into the van. It was surreal sigh really, cause u have this bus parked in front of the bustop while the police where taking statements from the witnesses. The cars on the road just sped on.. another urban victim.. hahah..
simone.. its really a bad movie but not that bad... its just that al pacino was.. too GOOD for the role.. funny.. but something baout the movie really affecting me.. or maybe its the reason why i hate watching movies and all. It just kicks me very very hard in the balls all the time i do so.... i feel so wierd.. like i need something.. man.. i miss my sputnik sweet heart..
Tuesday, October 1, 2002 01:20 a.m.
SCrew up!!!! Sounz in the head: Yo la tengo's the heart beats as one, MOgwai's ten rapid, tom jones greatest hits and everthing but the girl's back to mine..
Shit.. i am so very sstupid!! I thought that the sheares bridge run was at 7 in the evening and it turns out to be in the morning. HAs my COMMON SENSE FAILED ME?!?! MArathons and ALL STart in the morning what!! ANyway lucky i didnt god drinking or shite.. cept that ive got very little sleep.. i mean look at the time!!! DAmn... still good thing i only did low impact outing today.. just slack at kino's and all.
went out with francis today, a fellow bmtc whiskey alumni. Nice seeing him again really, its been a long long time since ive seen him at church! Anyway.. i have two crushes now!! YAY!!! har har.. ahhahah.. sigh.. actually today i went to border's till late to try and talk to this old friend.. oh yeah if you've read the earlier entries its the mysterious media studies girl that i have been so running away from talking to. Strangelove man..About the crushes, its not going to really materialize into anything really, unless.. unless i DO SOMETHING!! must Make a difference!! hmm.. i will tell more next time..
During last night bbq, it was just brandon and me doing the bbq, cause the rest of guys (three others.. only.. sigh) went up to sleep and stuff. They were pissed drunk on XO and Brandy (real drink brandy.. not brandon brandy...), and had to u noe.. sleep on it. Brandon and me were pretending to be a japanese and american soldier, stuck on one island and left with limited amounts of meat that we have hunted. Furthermore, only one.. yes.. one fire availble!! HArz... and yes.. bad music too courtesy of shaun's lo fi shit cassetter player coz it was the only thing in it and the radio had fucked up reception. Next, we pretended to be the notories french paparazzi, taking photos of arylene up in the chalet, risking the wrath of her most ray wilson-esque body guards!! After which we packed up the shite.. brandon drunk on his namesake was very very drunk. It was LAw and order special crimes unit in the chalet room.. taking photos of a very very naughty issue of Glamour magazine, conducting a grand honourable funeral for Colonel Uncooked " marinated" chicken wings... he was a good man.. in to icebox and finding a tribe of fishball stick worshipping natives.. all in PASIR RIS DOWNTOWN EAST!!
chilling out to this track list rocks.. try it.. we did it!!(sorry hor.. i got very little cd that night in my cd case.)
1)massive attack's teardrop
2)Bjork's new world from selmasong
3)Something haddaway's we'll all be free from Ebtg back to mine
4)Bjork's hyperballad
5)mogwai's mogwai fear satan
6)tori amos's jackie's strength
7)natalie imbruglia's come september
8)mogwai's summer (winter version)
and then need to sleep right.. so must find the greatest album to dream to..
TOOL's LATERALUS!!! ALWAYS THE BEST CLOSER FOR ANIGHT FOR ANY CHALET!! ermm.. yea!!
ok ok.. must go sleep.. scully i DIE Tomlo at the run.. btw.. i really think for my birthday.. i would really like one book.. yeah.. its really the book that I would really like.. i mean its me man.. im really waiting to see if anyone buys it for me.. its.ermm.. need a clue?? okay.. one of its characters that i really love is stain boy.. its a book... another clue.. well another character's the boy with the needles in his eye.. so yeah, if someone buys it for me i will cry and promise never to wank anymore, if someone doesnt i believe that the world doesnt understand me and therefore i must die. Ta DAH!!!! hahhahah.. so exciting!?!!??!!?!? Ok ok.. go kunz.. for once this yolatengo album doesnt have a super long dreampop closer to it... lovely.. *smooch*
Sunday, September 29, 2002 01:41 a.m.
Where's the toilet to dance in??? Sounz in the head: Mogwai's ten rapid, natalie imbruglia's white lillies island (complete with super cool pictures that u cant help rub your face over it!! oh yeah.. natalie imbruglia's quite pretty .. ok lah..), The june spirit's testing superstition and beck's midnight vultures.
har har.. yes yes.. went jas' little chalet and ill be going back there pretty soon and all. yeah tonights the bbq thingie and i came back home to take a bath and shitz. Anyways.. we spent the night watching temptation island 2 whihc was so good@@ HahAHAH.. a real different thing from the first one i must say really.. its like more girls!! GUY!!!! With heavier ChesTS!! (both sexes had bigger chests..) YEAH!! DRAMA!! ACTION!! SUSPENSE!! Shit... its so nice.. i which that i could just spend my whole day watching temptation island on VCD.. sigh.. i liked the first one though..
Watched more show after that.. and wow.. I totally wanna keep watching Grosse point really.. shit man.. i totally am in love with irene malloy.. She's like a younger and hotter rose mcgowan!! Fucks.. and of course.. managed to catch my super idol!! KeiFER SUTHERLAND ON 24!! the prob is that i didnt watch the earlier episodes so i didnt know what was goin on.. sigh.. wish i did. Anyways there wa dennis hoppy man.. on it.. There this really great scene were kiefer gets a call from his wife telling him that she's pregnant.. really tear jerking stuff. Ok ok.. it was the way it was done.
Met brandon after that.. earlier on this morning after having my breakfast and saw this really cute girl with her boyfriend wearing one of those boxer shorts out.. really obscene. I dunno, just cant stand it when guys wear really small shorts, its like they really want to show it? Rock and rolling to burger king i had my usually breakfastas with derek and shit. Kinda okay lah.. its quite good really to meet up with old friends and talk. I so feel like a girl. u noe talking talking talking talking the whole night.. and yeah cant tell u wat's it all about. ITS A GUY THING!!
BRandon's going mad wanting to study in france. he's nuts. and im nuts. we;re all fucking nuts. Spent like four hours at bishan mrt looking at people. heheh.. yeah sch girls. hehehhehehe.. no lah.. reading shit.. like the new wildcats and all. Met special agent joseph soh and told us wierd stories about malaya and the japanese and the kuomingtang! HE IS THE SINGAPORE INDIANA JONES!! SERIOUS!! har har..
on to serious shit: i wont be home tonight. thankyou trina for giving the directions to downtown east over the phone. Although it was farking cock of me to ask a person who's overseas for directions, it was good.. yea.. really good.. heh heh. Anyways, Thank you.
NEWS FLASH!!: brandon has just bought a motocycle mag.. he has already evolved because he has developed a thing for these metal machines! AMazing!! I think that he will be going for scuba diving and rock climbing lessons too!! shit and look at WHERE I AM!! I FUCKING HATE MUSIC!!!! WHERE IS THE MUSCLE!! where are the girls?!?! Just look at everyone!! IM A RETARD!! WHERE's MY ROCK BAND!! WHEre'S My HI-FI MUSIC!! I HAVE NO GODDAM LIFE!! cept maybe thank god the army.. (seriously) SHITE!! I AM SO FRUS!!
haahahha.. shaun..shaun.. can u hear the bagpipes playing in the background. YEah, its like blowing in the wind. Look to your right and you'll see a nice typical tree. Climb up it and look far and hard till your glasses explode. On the left you have a little chair and a cup of tea on a table, for u to relax. Of course you dont want to hurt yourself going up the tree yes? Take this little nife and help yourself. If you cant go up, sit down.
All of a sudden while shaun was climbing up the tree, using the nife in his right hand, to prop himself each step, aloud boom was heard. It was the sound of his chair and table and cup of tea being smashed flat to the ground, by a magic naked fairy with her magical sirloin steak magic (What!??!). Magic naked fairy (mnf) flew over to where he was, by then he was half way up the tree. "youre a fucking dick!! What;s wrong with you!!", the MNF whispered into his ear while he was trying to hold on to the tree,"WHAT THE HELL's WRONG WITH YOUR GODDAM LIFE!! GO PICK UP SOME HABITS LIKE RABBIT HUNTING, RIVER DROWING, FOUR LEAF CLOVER WEAVING!!". the mnf just stayed there in midair staring intently at shaun, who happen to have great difficulty hanging on. With his hands shaking from fatigue he, he shook his head motioning the mnf closer. the Mnf who was slighlty transparent and blonde, beautiful really (!), floated to no less than a centermetre near to shaun, with a smirk on her face knowing that shaun's gotten the message. In one swift rockandrolling move, shaun took the nife out of the thick trunk and pushed it into the skull of the mnf, letting go of the trunk at the same time. "WOTS THIS BULLSHITE CUNT!" sounded his battle cry!! Gravity Pulled him down along with his nife, serating hair, bone, flesh, innards and flesh down to the ground! Bent over and knees hurting from the fall, yellow furries and transparent reds reveal their opacity. THe nife was still in his hands when he stood up, feeling like a beatles song. ALong his body which had undergone physical shock, he was able to put together some words in his mind.clouded like dirty laundry being soaked.. Synapse after synapse like a word processor, his mouth opened... lungs inhaling.. building up the climax of the moment.. which would be those words.. holding on to nife like his wife when she loves a guy.. he shouted with a swagger that'll do his daddy proud!!!
"where's the toilet to dance in when youve got people, (especially cocky fairies) TO Tell u shite like this!!"
and that concludes the story of the day. hope u loved it like mummy's bosom.
Friday, September 27, 2002 06:10 p.m.
Apologies......... most needed.. Sounz in the head: Coldplay's a rush of blood to the head, Mogwai's Young team, self, Catherine wheel's ferment and vex red. Btw... the new queens of the stone age is so Fucking good but yet so flawed.. sigh.. another great band with a fucking imbalanced album..
just came back from mambo night.. last time i went was before i enlisted being march or something. Yeah.. it was really .. well.. surreal really. The same white top girl and white top boi were on the podium dancing all the official mambo night moves to the songs. The same jocks and early working girls were there living those pop songs on the radio.. their anthems were on that were written all over their teeth and clothes.
tonight was different.. there was this wierd group of girls that were quite hot (yeah this one with a white tube top that was slightly loose started a real hormonal plague on the dancefloor..) they were like totally dirty dancing and shite.. going from here to there like real near to me and the guys from SOCE. Pretty scary.. at this point the tube top girl was rubbin her tush on me crotch and i was like: THIS IS WRONG!! HArz... yeah.. my pals managed to pick up a girl, lying about his name and age. In fact his false approximation was a tad too little and the girl told him that she's old enough to be her older sister. Harz.. After further investigation on the dirty dancing group, it was discovered that they actually 24 years old. Scary.. and like the rest of the guys in SOCE were 19.. It got me really thinking about things. Kinda like how we feel when we hit the dancefloor all laughing and things start to get serious when u get the groove. How people project their desires on the dancefloor and manifest them openly in so many ways. How at 3 am when the lights go on and reality hits you thru pure silence and sharp white light. How u realise that there were actually more pretty girls there than u saw. How the guys look so much less jocky than before.
intimidated?? i might say really, by the stage, dancefloor and the irritatingly predictable mix of songs (WITH THE EXCEPTION OF THE CURE's FrIDAY Im IN LOVE!! WHICH WAS GREAT REMIX!!!)YEah i sang so loudly to friday im in love, and it got me thinking.. is that what i want?? ITs funny... how i would always slightly close my eyes and imgaine things, thinking about the beats and synths and the lyrics in the form of some wierd abstract dance of my own desires at the moment. Release?? Hmmmm.. i wonder..
Apologies before i go kunz.
-im sorry for not going to your party
-im sorry for not loving myself as much as u had loved me
-im sorry for not treating as much as i really loved u
-im sorry for so many things like acting like a mad man.. schizo.
- im sorry for your birthday night that i wanted to call you and wish u happy birthday.
- im sorry that im not really what u wanted and i dont think ill be
-im sorry for so many things that...
slowly its time, to really look at all the things i have to apologize. Im sorry i have to do this, time does heal but does the heart still feel? Im sorry for all the things ive done... but will say sorry to me??
Thursday, September 26, 2002 04:48 a.m.
today is a good day to die#1 sounds in the head: Sigur ros, Ida's will you find me, Pavement's brighten around the corners, the cure's faith and coldplay's a rush of blood to the head.. (they so rip off and sound like echo and the bunnymen.. sigh)
Guilty good song of the day..:natalie imbruglia's butterflies... beautifu; song..
well im having a block leave now. One wonders really. Ive been thinking alot these few days and all. its really scary. I just say my fave movie again.. Flatliners. yeah.. its scary and totally beautiful, that's why i must listen to the cure's pornography again. I suddenly teared a little when i realised something after i watched the movie. Something. Well... its a scary kind of teary. The kind that gives u a bad cold after that.
tomolo.. i guess ill be going to super act stupid place mambo night. After all, like the whole of soce will be there..So's ill be having fun to the same old songs.. again.. sometimes really. Im beginnin to see thru my running aways... hhmmm.. its somewhere.. oh well... today is a good way to do.. and before i flatline.. see you soon
Wednesday, September 25, 2002 02:57 a.m.
silence. A new start at last. sounz in the headM: Mogwai's young team and ep+2, Ozma'a rock and roll part three, Finch's perfection thru silence ep and At the drive in's relationship of command.
Just last two nights ago i came up with quite a nice song as a birthday present for yea.. and well it ended up sounding pretty much like a song for myself. I wish i could spend more time for it though, i was going for that.. hahah. nice sigur ros type shit but little can i do with only a stolen delay pedal. I kinda am calling it "21". yeah so.. u noe its like something for everybody, 21 years old, birthday on the 21st, 21 years anniversary, 21 dollars, 21 lovers and 21 kisses. Hahah okay its like reading too much into the numbers.
Anyway had quite a really up and down weekend. First it was free coffee from coffee bean which got totally hyper.. then it was totally boozing which got me a scolding from the taxi driver from not staying awake to show him the way to my house. Well.. hahahah. It was funny really. I got really all pissed and all. Had so many little parties to go that i was seriously stressed out. in the end i chose the ones with people i should think i should be with?? Sometimes i wonder. Got me thinking alot about myself. About how i am and all.
well im thinking of moving to a new webbie that ive gotten work on. Its a little more, in fact alot optimistic than this one hopefully, im aiming at nice white reality and some perky pinks and shite. Ohh well so much fer dreams. Its gonna be called "pianos must be guitars!". hahhaha.. Its going to be less personal really.. or maybe should i have two?? hhmmmm.. one for nice shaun and one for bad shaun.. shite that would make me so schizo.
Talking about naming things, i originally wanted to call my little demo ditty "final pretentions of rock star boys" hahah.. sounds ermm.. like something from monthy python eh?? yeah there's going to be church like p and w songs and all horrible craphole rawk songs with three strings tuned in D in it. Its going to be fun! yeah.. cept maybe for the sound quality, which is so shite. Nvm.. birthday coming buy myself abbey road studios... heh heh heh.. harz..
anywayz.. i just want to say a big happy birthday to u noe who. Yeah couldnt say what i wanted to the day before cause u was like busy?? (if u read the previous entry u get what's my idea of busy...if u havent, dont.) Anyway.. its already been what.. one more year before u graduate and work for mediacorp. I guess u should be already comfortable working for them after all uve done so on some projects. Things are really great for u, and im not saying that because im getting all shit about how im out of future (hehheh.. max anderson's pixy). Well serious, i dont think i am really out of future, look AT MY GROWING COLLECTION OF CDs And HomeREcorDed SOngs!! haha.. oh well that aside.. The reason why i kinda took your b-day kinda serious was because.... its always better to celebrate someone's birthday then to wait for someone or to organise your own birthday. I guess that's what i always think, do unto others what u want others to do to u.. (erm is that correct??) I dont think anyone's going to give a shit about my birthday, or is that how am i going to treat my b-day.. that im not going to give a shit? Well.. im sorry.. that's all.. if you do get my b-dae card, the whole thing's there. Im sorry... if you really think im still schizo.. ill kinda try something.
LAst night i went to orange at mohammad sultan and it was really funny. I went there with the old shunfu kids, rocking around and shite. Well, there was this one really great song that i liked that had these fucking hard beats and shitty dissonant keyboards. Beuatiful!! HArd!! but soon it went back to some shitty trance house nonsense. Ta dah..... I was telling my mom yesterday in the pews, that i wish that people or rather the majority of the working class, didnt have to go dancing or drinking their arse off and acting really stupid and horny on the dance floors. Seriously, the dance floor is totally perfect stage for whatever dramatics. Couples making up after like what, getting misunderstood for eyeing another girl or what.. old chio bus tearing up the stage.. (yucks) china girls appearing out of nowhere to steal the whole disco.. indian man in super uncle clothes just staring at them china girls... like he's seen the world... hahha.. looking like the hot young things he'd seen with his daugther on mtv that day... Laser light and smoke shites with kylie minoque stealing new order's blue monday keyboards and singing la la la la la in place of benard summer's most depressing lyrics. Is that what the dancefloor, or rather is the stage like that now for everyone?
Well, ive got a bad cold now.. ill be leaving for camp soon too.. sigh.. this has to suck really. my body's a lill breaking down from all the late nights. Ive still got to do somemore saikang when go back to camp. Anyway.. its okay..
everything's alright..
Btw herry if i dont talk to you before u leave. Enjoy xmas over there, ill be also spending my xmas out too hahahah. ANyways.. ill keep on trying. at the most ill just wither like a .. somthing lah.. *achoo*.. sorry.. take care and be sure to fucking call me when u get back..
