supposed to be having the batch talk thingy... but yeah... again not everyone is here lah... didn't expect her to come and when quite surprised when she agreed and yeah... she didn't in the end. hmm... actually i don't reallie want to blog got nothing to blog. i feel mean. haha. say sze min disturbing me. lolzZz.

310703 3:32pm

wednesday

hello. hehe... once again im blogging when im not supposed to. but i'll finish in five minutes. i promise. hehe. 6:18 now. anywae... yesterday was argh. hehe. sad then happy. :) anywae im glad we had the batch talk thing... and yeah... we didn't have last footdrills with the seniors!!! stupid yapper. but we had nice band... no... mass indiv. hehe. :)

anywae i think i cry very easily. hehe. not my fault. i cant control it lorz. i cried when we couldn't go for footdrills. then i cried when shunling told us to go and play with them. it was like she said. then silence. nobody moved. then she went. then AHHHH!!! haha. everyone started rushing for the door. hehe. anywae... i was just thinking... sze min said i cant cry coz they said they didn't want to see us cry. but they said from then till syf. syf's over so i can cry. haha. not the point. oh. but during footdrills they said don't. anywae... im just crapping. happy. lalala. okay. haha. less than five minutes. im done. :)

300703 6:21pm

tuesday

there's footdrills today. im totally disappointed in our batch. and myself. i can't believe you'll didn't tell your sbm there's footdrills. its like so DUH. OBVIOUS. what kind of batch unity. if i didn't go online, i wouldn't have known too. whoa. we're are a damn united batch. im disappointed in myself for not telling them too. but i thought like you are sbms hello?! i admit that im in the wrong too. but isn't it like common sense to inform your sbm?

disappointed.

290703 10:48am

monday

i was supposed to be doing my geog newspaper file... but i got distracted and started reading blogs... and after reading everyone's blog about how we got gold and how happy they are i had to blog.

i realised that in my previous entry i said RGSSB rawks... but i never said i loved it. well i do.

i love RGSSB. i love it for all the people in there. for all the music i was exposed to. to the special relationship we all share. the seniors for always being there for us. mr oura for believing in us and still pushing us on. for being so lenient with us. so patient. for the seniors always there. pushing us. giving us motivation by saying they still believe in us.

but somehow... i still cant convince myself that i truly belong here... i cant convince myself that i can really feel that music. but i know truly that i care. now what. im at a dilema. help me. i didn't feel that rush of emotions when playing on stage at VCH. i only felt the rush of emotions off stage. after. when i really felt like crying. but crying coz of what. i cant pinpoint.

i still love RGSSB.

280703 9:53pm

sunday

OMG.

GOLD.

im soooo happi... ahhhhhhh... omg... it was like when she announced gold i couldn't even smile... and jillian woon wanted us to clap for the other bands... i :wanted to... reallie... but i was just crying and crying and crying... *sheepish grin* i think i was the only one who couldn't stop crying coz everyone i saw told me to stop crying... yi qing was cute... even if you're crying you must still smile... hehe... so happi!!! omggggggggg... :)

and thanks to everyone for the notes and presents and everything and to everyone in rgssb... we did it. :)

and im glad i didn't let the band down... although i cant say i didn't let myself down at all...

RGSSB rocks!

Band 126 ... Raffles Girls Secondary ... GOLD

i cant promise best band 2005 but i can promise i'll try my best...

270603 2:48pm

thurday

com studs... argh... wanted to blog but now that i actually get to i have like no idea how to start...

basically today is just a reallie rotten day... im just feeling horrible coz of something that happened yesterday and im like this horrible emotional wreck. i jupm

st keep longing for band prac when i know im going to mess it up like crayzie coz of my lousy mood. try not to get into fights with your parents. yeah rite. it wasn't even my fault. but so what. argh. strangely i felt no resentment or rather hardly last night. but im starting to feel it now.

i was the closest ive ever been to crying myself to sleep last night. im glad i didn't cry in fron tof him though. i was trying my hardest. then when i went back to my room it was like argh. i couldn't stop. and everything just kept rushing up. all at once.

i realised that whenever i cry, i don't reallie know why im crying. its not some specific reason like im sad or hurt or happy or whatever. i think the reason i cant pinpoint it is because how does it reallie feel to be happy? or sad? or hurt? is it just me? but when im happy i feel like laughing or whatever but i don't or cant recall the specific feeling. is it just me? or what?

i was crying. then i stopped. then i thought of the possibility that we might get silver. and then i started again. its not that i don't believe in us. i do. its just. the possibility is still there. and with all the unexpected results this year. i cant be sure. im damn freaked. about everything. im dreading going home. reallie. for the first time in my life. and my bio test does not help at all. saturday is coming. and now its not just SYF but everything else too. its my relatinoship with them. im scared.

its two dayz away... OMG.

240703 11:18am

tuesday

well... actually wanted to write a note to everyone in our batch for syf... but decided it would turn out all qian pian yi lu so might as well post one here...

anywae... good luck to all of you... play well... don't freak [which i think is impossible] but TRY not to freak [hehe... speak for myself] play your best... put in all your effort... jia you jia you jia you... hear the music... feel the music... [when the beating of our hearts echo the beating of our song] move the audience... yupz... good luck... oh... and SMILE =)

220703 10:16pm

sunday

you know when deborah tan came in in the middle of band prac and started talking? well... i guess she's right... i mean we're in band coz we love the music right? i mean even if you didn't join band for your love of music, but since you've stayed for so long, im sure there's something that's keeping you here still. oh well im not sure i even have the ji ge to say this... but everyone plays better with eyes close coz of the loss of one sense... just like the blind can hear much better. but that's not the point. i wish we needn't be judged by a superficial medal. but we are. and we can't do anything about it. why can't we just be allowed to express ourselves freely without being judged.

aniwae... its six daez away... omg... you know what... when i found out or rather realised [my chi dun fan ying] that shatec was on ... i nearly cried. and i nearly woke up crying when i dreamt that we didn't get ...

200703 10:28pm

tuesday

eurgh. some do some don't. irritating.

140703 9:03pm

tuesday

eurgh. the font on my blog looks different now. doesn't look like arial anymore. gross.

140703 9:00pm

sunday

gosh~... im so loser... nvm... aniwaez... went to malaysia today :) bought a nice pair of sports shoes *beamz* and this new handphone cover.

ohohoh... section diary!!! yay!!! *beamz*

aniwae... im sorry wanling for making you do everything for kampong glam... although i probably wouldn't have done it... hehe... okay... i would... but whatever. i hate formatting brochures. aniwae... there's lit test tmr? i think... whatever. damn stupid. i shall just go and fail coz i haven't read the court scene and i just keep thinking that they will test on that... if not then at the end of the year. aniwae... oh wellz... tomorrow new module for asthetics... you can tell im running out of things to blog... oh wellzz...

130703 10:27pm

friday

practice what you preach
if not then at least
preach only what you practice
if not... how do you expect anyone to believe in you?

110703 8:13pm

tuesday

oh and... harry potter five is NOT nice.

omg!!! titanic rawks!!! still don't get why he couldn't fit on the board with her. I promise you I'll never give up...

080703 10:27am

tuesday

hehe... guess what... haven't blogged in one week... wasn't anything to blog about i guess... anywae... i was damn pissed off at my mum yesterday... its like what the hell kae. don't think that just because you're my mum and your what wonderful ren sheng jing nian that means you're alwaez right. damnnit. i told you the truth and if you didn't believe that's your own fucking business. argh. i was still damn pissed today. when i woke up i forgot. i was like where am i? what's the day today? then i remembered. whatever. argh. damnnit.

080703 10:14am

tuesday

courtesy of noelle...

Happy Deathday!
Your name:	gek
You will die on:	Sunday, September 27, 2020
You will die of:	Food Poisoning
Username:
Created by Quill

tuesday

OMG... i just lost this reallie long and i guess sentimental entry on me reading my autograph book and everything... guess i shall type it again some other day but the feeling won't be there anymore.... oh wellz... all my bro's fault. argh.

anywae... feel better about your lost blog kae? not easy... but yeah... feel better. *hugz*

010703 11:18pm

tuesday

gosh... what sadists... i found this lyrics at a site that says 'Best All-time Breakup Songs and Breakup Song Lyrics!!!!!' gosh~

010706 10:55pm

tuesday

hmmm... there was construction work going on outside my house just now... and they accidentally cut off the water supply... i didn't know lah... coz i was sleeping... i seem to need alot of sleep onwadaez.. aniwae... i woke up and wanted to bathe then i found out. then i was damn pissed. and so was my mum. hehz... okay.. not funny... then she was like saying that they said they couldn't go and buy the parts needed to fix it coz the hardware shops were closed. but like what the hell. it was barely past seven. anywae... they fixed it but ive deicded to bathe tmr. dirty. i know. whatever. my maid offered them food. then i was like saying still offer them food? then my dad was like saying that after all they worked so hard. and i was like they wouldn't have to if they didn't cut the wrong pipe. then he was like but they also didn't want what. i guess. but the fact that they didn't want to go and buy the part coz it meant more work for them. but did they think of the inconvenience its causing us. but yeah... on the other hand... its reallie not their fault as in they didn't want it also. but haiz... nvm... enough about that... but from this you can reallie tell the difference between my mum and my dad i guess... oh wellz...

010706 10:48pm

tuesday

decided on arial after all... even though it doesn't reallie fit but well...

how can people be so selfish? the reason why Singapore toilets are so dirty and why the streets are littered and everything, it's because of people like them. like spare a thought for others will you? its convenient for you. what about the others? oh wait. it doesn't matter? right? all that matters is YOU. argh. sometimes i wish i could just make them see the light. sometimes i just feel so frustrated. and it doesn't help that in school the teachers keep picking on us, and like mrs neo? yeo? said. why do people squat on the toilet bowls when there are others cubicles to use?! like argh. is it reallie that hard to walk into another cubicle? and it doesn't help that gillian woon keeps picking on GEP. or for that matter. everyone picks on GEP. started since we were in primary school. like hello?! we didn't even know the main stream people and they hated us. why? because we're in GEP. whoah... how democratic. it's like the Christian VS Jew thing. or the white VS black thing. its so bloody unfair. then you rell me. life isn't fair. whoa.... BIG consolation you know.

have you ever thought of what it means to gossip or talk about someone behind their backs. let's see... if you face a problem with your friend and you find someone else to confide in. is that counted as talking behind their back? i don't know... i mean you're allowed to do that and you aren't insulting them or stabbing a knife in their back or anything... but i personally feel that its a sense of betrayal... you know how unnerving it is... how irritating it is... to know that or to suspect that someone else knows everything too? and by telling someone else... you're betraying me... and the trust we had. i don't know...

okay... nvm... ignore the top. i was just ranting. deleted something else i said coz i thought it would be very unfair to her. yeah.

010706 11:55am

tuesday

oh argh. i just realised this is the ones with the scroll bar thingy for the entries... argh.... hai.... and im so not use to this template i keep scrolling right down to type my entries then i remember. when i don't see the place to type my entries. haish...

was typing the date when i realised. its 07 alreadi. 010706 11:37am

tuesday

new layout... even though i didn't make it... its a nice layout :) think my url doesn't fit it though... never thought about that at that time... haiz... aniwae... tried using the adding a new entry thing just now? how the hell does it work?!?!?! nvm...

finished the hp book in one dae and sad to say... it wasn't thattttt good. it was okay. and how can they kill sirius? they're idiots. a bunch of idiots. oh well... still think that book wasn't that spectacular. you know... i was just thinking... after an author gets famous... no matter how lousy her books are... people will still buy them... and the standard just starts dropping naturally... *shrugs* i don't know...

and i think that my way of blogging doesn't fit this layout... okay... maybe the layout is just not me... but whatever. i like it. :)

finished reading Something Wonderful again... *beams* and Whitney, My Love and Almost Heaven . the books arent in good quality though i guess coz everyone stands there and read... but i couldn't wait... so i bought it anywae :)

theres band prac today and im not going. keep having headaches for no apparent reason nowadaez. and it hurts like hell. sometimes its okay... then it just comes in jabs and then it hurts hurts hurts. argh. if not its this dull throbbing pain. hammering on my head. woah... nice choice between the two huh? argh.

010706 11:35am