My Feathers need preening so I'll tell you about my past. It'll be titled the Dianna Story: What I don't really tell very many people (just after typing that, I wonder if I should have called it "why the hell is she so paranoid"). Well, I go by the maxim "Knowlege is Power. Power Corrupts. Study Hard. Be Evil." It's pretty self-explanitory.

I'm quite intelligent if I say so myself, though this thought could be construed as being narcassistic... Though, I can't say that I was challenged enough in school... and so I believe that some of this intelligence has been left to rot.

So, I'm not a genius and I have weak spots in my intelligence. I hide it somewhat well. I'm quite the elitist, saying that We is better at the dystopian future than 1984. I pull out random thoughts of elitism that really show through when I chat with my elitist in arms, Nick.

However, one thing that I don't talk about often with friends is, just how ambitious I get. In matters of Academe it gets overwhelming (although, this gets hidden under a veneer of soemthing or other). Like, I remember while I was a Duke University. I would have strategy sessions in my head. I would count out those who I thought would be competition. I would stay up until 2am each night trying to perfect everything. Make sure everything I wrote was gold and would generally be a basket case. It didn't help, that I barely liked very many people. That was perfectly fine, I wasn't there to become best friends forever with some of the individuals. I was there to learn, write and be accepted to the APSA conference.

And that ambition, constant planning, and sometimes paranoia that someone was writting a better paper than I would take my spot. This even works in school although to a lesser degree. I can't afford to gleefully burn every bridge that I come across. I make stregic friendships along with the friendships that I've made just for fun. I do get jelous of those whose intelligence is stronger in a certain field than mine.

When I was a child, I grew up in the inner city. A good habit of ours was sitting on the hill, and watching the drug busts (especially later in my life there). Being friends with Citino and trading some wild rasberries (growing on a tree next to our garage) for some veggies. A girl next door to me later in life, was shot dead just up the street from where I used to live. That street has gone down hill since we moved away from it. It's getting crime ridden, and I'm sure that the house that used to be owned by my god mother and her irish/french family is now being used by the homless and drugdealers.

I wonder if the Blind Child sign is still there.

Again, I had the ambition to get the hell out of the inner city, and to make something of myself. Now think of it. I was a kid. I was in 1st or Second grade when I thought to do this. My ambition was to get into a good college and become a lawyer. I was made fun of, I was different and I didn't care. I knew that one day, I would have my revenge. This didn't change until college. And really, it hasn't changed, because I was set back when I had to go to the University of Hartford.

Reflections

I've been in a self-reflective mood in the last couple days. And tonight is the first time I've been able to type to screen. I think it's the copious amounts of 鬼束ちひろ I've been listening too... she always seems to calm nerves... inspire and be a generally good singer. I miss her, and I wish she'd come back to the music buisness... her short career of three albums and 15 singles with all the best ofs they released... doesn't do much justice to the direction she could have taken. I hope she doesn't pull a Kate Bush... listening to BORDERLINE again made me re-realize just how much I loved her voice. ONI! Come back!

I've been feeling better. I guess I just needed a change of scenery. I've been running/walking around campus recently... I think that's starting to clear up my head more. Oh god do I need an MP3 player I can strap somewhere. I'm still not all-together there. And I'd like to be, but whatever. I need to write my application to graduate and put that in. It's due the 10th. I need it done ASAP.

I kinda wish the bookstore didnt drop the ball repeatedly. I hate waiting for books to come in the mail. And having to fall behind in readings because someone dropped the ball in ordering important books for classes. Sometimes, I'd like to wring someone's neck for all of that.

I'm glad I have my ps2 here... I love to watch movies while typing something.

What do I miss... I miss people. I miss people who have left my life for what could be for good. I will miss others who I will leave behind in future endevoirs. I was esctatic with leaving High-School-- I wasn't too attached. But, here in college I was pretty attached to people that I've made friends with. These people will be missed. Hopefully, I don't fade away with a quiet indignation that will befall all of us one day. I just hope my end will be remembered. The Blaize of Glory... if you will.

On the gaming front, Werewolf was fun. Using what I'll name Quicksilver makes me able to fight. I'm happy for that much. Vampire, is vampire. I already know that if I shelved this character one entire clan would probably fall without knowing what the hell to do. OMG. It's happened before. I have to write PELs for those two games speaking of. Maybe tomarrow morning I'll begin on something. I'm really just waiting for Requiem and I have an excellent story brewing in my head... I just have to write it. Joe gave me some really cool suggestions and so I think I will.

Hey! I could write a longer story in the vein of American Psycho without the vampire overtones for NaNo this year. That'll be cool...

Anyway, no point. Just stating that I'm alive. Here I am. Just Breathe.

Lost

I'm thinking, it's probably time to change my layout soon. I think I might even have a plan for it too... comes from my LJ userinfo. Though, there are some layouts there I think I want to yoink the style from. I think new beginnings are in order.

I'm getting sick and tired of people. Of life. Oh, gosh I'm only being emo. Not suicidal. Just, back the hell off. Perhaps, I really am somewhat paranoid. I took a test some time ago, and found that in social situations I'm paranoid. And in some respects I think that's true. I wonder what people think of the way I'm dressed, how I act and what I say. It's not often I am myself. I'm a chameleon of sorts, and will change for the audience. Even now, I'm a master of such. In places where I am the most myself, I'm shunned just a tad. Although, that's not completely the case with HE though... I do think I'm in the wrong house. But, I think I'll deal with that. And let it be where it may.

But, it's becomming more and more worrisome at school. I believe I'm being shunned by the people there. I'm not part of the "cool inner sanctum" of people. I was offended a little while ago when one person who had asked me the same thing over and over asked me again. And asked, if I was a junior and not a senior like I've stated over and over. They take no trouble to know me. They don't call to ask if I need something. And I give as much as I can to them. The fact that no one does anything for me, is infuriating. Just once. I'd like someone to do something for me.

My birthday sucked. The Hardcore. I'll laugh it off and say nothing is wrong. But no one called, no one sent a card, no one came to visit. Oh, SURE, people sent me a quick email saying Happy Birthday, but somehow that's not the same. I would have liked a visit. A something. But, no, no one cares and I would probably do better to just cut everyone off. And be on my own. I've done it for 22 years, I suppose I could do it for another 70 or so.

I dunno... I really wish people had my intentions in mind when they'd do things. I just feel left behind sometimes. I've overstayed my welcome I do suppose. And I'm no longer cool. The petina is showing.

Just once, I wish ... Elliot would call... what's funny is that we don't like talking about ourselves. We like asking about the other. Which leads to really awkward conversations. I should tell him I submitted my GWU Grad App. I kinda wish I could see him again. I haven't since I was in DC. I kinda wish there was nothing there. I just want to be left alone...

I move in tomarrow. I'm looking forward to my last semester. I just hope... that it'll go as well as I think it will. I just want to finish now. More than ever. I just want to finish. I want to move on. It's time to move on. There's really nothing there for me any longer. A part of me doesn't want to grow up. But there is a lot of me that sees the necessity. There's nothing to be afraid of. I think I may even be done with this living at home crap. I need my license. It's time to get independent. I can't stand sitting in my PJs all day.

Oh well... I'm stuck in a rut.

Saturday, January 21, 2006 09:49 p.m.

EyeRaise

HogChats have been interesting. They've been fun at any rate. I hope to get to know some more of the HE girls in the future.

So, I've been sitting in my house like a bum waiting...for something to pop up. I've been catching up on my television watching. And I still wonder, how do people who do this every day of their lives, get anything done? Or keep themselves from committing suicide from avoiding the bordom. I do know that I have my laptop, winamp on and the television on at the same time, and I'm still quite bored. I feel like I'm wasting time. But, at the same time, my slothfulness takes hold.

Right now, I'm watching TLC. And Changing Rooms I mean, Trading Spaces. And I just don't get the allure of the show. Can anyone tell me? It's... not that fun to watch at any rate.

So, it's Christmas Eve. Do you know where you're loved ones are? I don't think I'm getting much of anything. But, I don't really care. My Christmas present is having mom alive for another year. She's still somewhat depressed. And it's kept her off for a while. Having her a live for at least a couple more years would make me happy.

I think I'll take a quick shower and get to some visiting of people. Merry Christmahanukwanzaa everyone. Don't let the commercialism keel you ded. And remember. Have fun.

Saturday, December 24, 2005 05:40 p.m.

Done!

Well, I'm home now. Got four out of five of my grades yesturday. I'll get into that in a second. First, though, I am so happy to be done with this semester. It was an absolute drag. I swear, if it wasn't for the Guildren, I would have drunk myself into some sort of stupor. It's one of those well "here's some really good thing" (like the content of my classes, or my awesome Single) and "here's a kick in the teeth" (aka. Dirty Suitmates and the schedual that would kill anyone...). So, I'm happy it's done. The kicks in the teeth I could only take so much of.

I can't wait for this last semester. I need to email some profs to see if they'll do last minute LORs. And get my statement done. I really need to get these applications done. And now, I finally have the time I need to get them done. I'm pretty happy about that.

Got a Card from Julia, it looks awesome. My computer pisses me off at how it doesn't take heat as well anymore. I should have brought my Air Compressor home to give it a good cleaning. I totally forgot it. It gets really hot playing guild wars and after maybe an hour of play it starts slowing down crazily. This wouldn't matter if I didn't play Mesmer...

Let's see. Yay for the internet pwning christmas shopping... Yay for my puppy, being cute. Yay for being home. Yay for wi-fi G. Yay for having 10 GB of books sitting on my computer waiting for me to go and read. Yeah, you heard me. 10 GB.

Oh Grades that Have come in already.
Arab Cinema (ENG/CIN 345)A- (For a non- Film Major, this is pretty awesome)
Rise and Fall of the Soviet Empire (HIS 350)B+ (slightly disappointing but to be expected from the poor perfomance on the critique essays...)
The Politics of Tourism (HON 385): B+ (better than expected... I must have Pwned the Final)
Intro to Lit (HON 280W): A

One more class I'm waiting on. From the bitch who taught Intercultural Communication. She was a terrible teacher, incompetant, and irresponsible. Not to mention, terribly unprofessional.

Oh well, I'm done now.

Edit: Got my Intercultural Comm Grade in. B- The bitch has the audacity to just give me this low a grade, considering I had more or less a B+ adverage before the Final Paper. I've already sent her an email asking for an explaination. I'm THIS close to sending a formal complaint to the CMM department. Kami-Sama.

Thursday, December 22, 2005 10:20 a.m.

Procrastination

So, instead of writting a paper, I'm writting in my blog. Um, yay for senioritis. Huzzah! Anyway, so, this finals week should be interesting. Most of which is take home exams and the most important things are long papers which I have no desire to complete. But, they will get done, I suppose. I'm about to begin the pre-write/writting of my cinema essay. It's actually about a pretty interesting topic. I just don't want to write a damn thing anymore.

Oh well, I'll quit whinning and pull an all nighter on it. I have all day tomarrow to work on it as well, so it'll get done. I'll probably also start on my Intercultural Communication Paper that's due very soon too. And right after that, my RFSU exam. I'll probably type my SOP in the middle of that. English is done, and so the only things left would be my Tourism final that I got today to complete during the week.

Tonight, is Metal Chris' birthday. I'll show up and give him a hand. Whoo. Speaking of Birthdays, I turn 22 this winter break. Anyone willing to buy me something will be...appreciated?

Lets see. What did I do this past weekend. I did the Vampire Game on Friday... That went... swimmingly. Especially, since our ST is a PlotBlocker, who went against the other two STs and actively went to screw us over. Caitlin in and out of character flipped. I was annoyed extreamly, and George (who takes a lot to get going) was furious. Needless to say, we finally have a new ST. I look forward for House and Clan to end up leading the damn city after keeping a low profile for so long.

Saturday was Werewolf. It was Brenz's (is this even correct grammar?) last run as head GM. He's moving to Boston. And we had a great send off before game. It reminded me of when we sent off Chris Lavin off to the great beyond. I'll miss Brenz. Not only is he a great guy, he's an awesome RPer, and a good friend. Good Luck in Boston. The game itself, was pretty damn intense. Probably because I was on Brick duty. It was just every time he counted out those three seconds, it was the tense moment of deciding to use the brick. The fight with the Crawler lasted 2.5 hours. And Isabelle lost one of her closest friends in the fight. Sunday, thankfully, had no L5R. Unfortunately, I love L5R. But, Nick couldn't run it last sunday. I was happy for the reprive. Doji Umi (my Doji Courtier) has some big plans happening. And I RPed my way into having a Servant. *widening grin* I'll probably have him by my side until we find out who destroyed his family's honor. Too bad, he can't regain it. And Umi gets married next game. To a Miya. Whoo. Too bad, she's .1 Tainted (thanks Reign of Blood). I wonder what will happen when it's revealed to her for sure.

Thank god the semester is now officially over. Finals begin tomarrow. This semester offically, sucked. I did fine grade wise (not as high as I would have liked but certainly not low either--a lot of B+s). But the schedual itself, sucked the hardcore. Thank god, I only have 4 classes next semester and Fridays off.

Don't know if I have anything else, enlightning to talk about. Not that I ever do, anyway. To writting this damnable paper.

Tuesday, December 13, 2005 08:15 p.m.

CTHULHU!

Oh Great Cthulhu!

I have been an extremely industrious devotee this year.

In April, I rescued v_mina_harker from being sacrificed (-200 points). In October, I bombed a cultist gathering (-100 points). In November, I made a burnt offering to the Dead Dreamer (100 points). When the stars were right, I wore an Elder Sign (-10 points). In February, I defiled the grave of that traitor, Lovecraft (90 points). In August, I stopped codecrow from defiling Lovecraft's grave (-20 points).

In short, I have been very bad (-140 points) and deserve to have my body used as a host for one of your servitors.

Your humble and obedient servant,
angelnomoon

Submit your own plea to Cthulhu!

Tuesday, December 6, 2005 11:48 p.m.

Remember

Thursday, December 1, 2005 08:41 a.m.

StillAwake

I really should go to freaking bed. It's 2 am. And I'm sitting on my computer. Doesn't help that my mattress here at home, sucks like whoa. I should convince the 'rents to get a new one... It's not good when you wake up not rested, and you're back hurts up a new one. I love the network I set up in the house. Wi-Fi G and I share. It's the outskirts of the inner city, who else around here has a wireless connection besides the person I know next door?

Thanksgiving: Was pretty cool. We managed to stuff ourselves on Turkey and stuffing and rolls. Though, mom didn't make as much as she used to. I still gave thanks for her being alive. I made a chocolate cheesecake for the family to share. I don't think I put enough sugar in it though... as it came out too cocoa-y. You know, the chocolate that hasn't been sweetened. It's still good cake... because I made it. But it seems that I'm the only one in the house eating it. Le sigh.

I wish all my internet friends, the brazillians (I don't know) and the government who I found out are stalking me a Happy Thanksgiving. Hope you ate half as good turkey as I did.

Spent Buy Nothing Day, at home. In my Pjs. Intermittently playing Guild Wars. I've missed that game. I heard my old guild fell apart. And they kicked me anyhow I was assuming they did... as I was inactive most of the semester. So, I don't really know what happened. I hope they get their acts together, for their sake.

The one thing I miss while being at school is my dog. She's curled right up into a small ball on my bed right now. At least she can enjoy it.

I need to write my SoP and narrow down school so I can send my packages to places this week. And start applying to places online. I guess, I won't take the GRE again. I really don't have the time.

Oh, well. Perhaps I'll see Patrick tomarrow (my best friend), he's supposedly in the area, and I should do something before going to school.

Saturday, November 26, 2005 02:00 a.m.

Weekend

So, lots of good things with this past couple days. I'll run them down one by one, by one.

Thursday Night: Midnight. Harry Potter: And the Goblet of Fire. I went with Lauren in costume to see the premiere. I can't say that I was blown away by it. It was a great movie, great special effects and some great acting. However, the direction and the screenwritting were subpar. At least Curon could turn trite into something good... I'll still buy the DVD. It was still a good movie. It was just disappointing.

Friday So after frantically getting my exam from Intercultural Communication done and sent in (even if my computer was completely cranky). I got ready and ran to the Vampire run. It went ok. I'm a Tremere now, as Pheadra died for being a hardcore adhearent to Path of Bones. I was smacked around a little with plot, but I feel to be a solution more than just an addition to said problem. It's also funny how we're a chantry of 12th and 13th gens (we roll gen on a die). I'll have to see how I develop the character further and how we can deal with plot. Things to think about...

Saturday: Werewolf Run. It was the Moot. And quite possibly the best one we've ever had. I got to call the West Wind--after being deposed from Caller of the Winds, I actually really liked calling the West Wind. My childhood acting training paid off with projecting the voice. Poor Jason (p/o Trent) was sitting right in front of me. I hope I didn't make him deaf. Anyway, the wind performance was awesome-tacular. I got to rank up. And I think my title was the coolest thing ever. It is:
Isabelle Abbot- Homid Ragabash Adren of the Silver Fangs
Far-Questioner, seeker of truth, winder of tales and watcher of the ways.
Ivory Priestess of the Moon Lodge
Caller of the West Wind
Child of Heron

I got to rank up, so change the word "Adren" to "Athro" and we'll have my new title. It's pretty spiffy. I like it lots. I'll have to sign my IG emails in an abbreviated form.

Sunday Went home, washed clothes kept a bunch there for the week of thanksgiving...took some back with me here and then...Legend of the Five Rings Run. We join Doji Umi (my character) arriving in Toshi Ranbo and beginning an investigation into some explosions and an increased opium run. After saving a Monk from a foolish crowd I found some promising leads. And then the rains started. The Isawa, Hiruma and myself were in a tea house. And we began outside. And that's when we noticed... the Rain wasn't water. It was blood. And some of it seeped into my skin (read: I'm Shadowlands Tainted now .1). So like oh crap. We eventually run to the forbidden city. Killing possessed peasant and Matsu alike and make it there, were Sezaru is protecting everything.

Umi is pissed her life is ruined... being shadowlands tainted and all. She was supposed to marry into the Imperial Family of the Otomo, but now I'm not so sure. Honor dictates that I tell my lord--Doji Akiko. So I don't know how long I'll last. . .

Crazy weekend it was indeed. Fun times. One more essay and it's thanksgiving for me! Whoot.

Monday, November 21, 2005 11:24 a.m.

Finally

Ok, so things to do while you're procrastinating typing a paper for basic writting... Archieve the year in blogging. Yeah, that's kinda why it looks a bit empty. I've finally, done the archieving proceedure. It's simple, just weird. And considering I do clear out my webspace where the images are held, you'll have to ctl A it to see anything. Oh well, sucks for you people. I know what I wrote.

Oh well, the curious will manage. Like they always have.

So, I have a paper due tomarrow, and like I did with the last one, I'm burning the midnight oil. I actually got started with it earlier, but I still procrastinated and I'm typing it out now (I write everything out on paper). There's still some polishing to be done. Hopefully, I'll do better on this paper than I did on the last one (79 Ouch). I really, cannot afford another bad grade. But, I'm not helping it much. I'm also, much to ambitious in my topics. This school doesn't have the resources that I need. *rolls eyes*

This weekend was pretty cool. If a bit hectic. Friday I got a paper done, and sent that out, went over to game night. Next day I got up early, fooled around on the internets, did some research, and went to Werewolf.

Werewolf, is fun. I finally, got my totemic quests done. Raised some eyebrows got some Wyrm spawn killed in so ded. Yes, Ded. I worked hard to get that to happen. I'm pretty sure I made some of the human-leaning wolfees like me and my ingenuity. Yes, it's all part of my plan to make the caern awesome. It's just such fun. *nods*

Sunday, I stayed inside, and did lots more research. Though, gosh this paper is not working out well... I'm worried, a bit. Next Weekend is going to be freaking crazy. Yes. Exam, Vampire, Werewolf, Home, and then next tuesday starts thanksgiving. OMG.

Monday, November 14, 2005 10:26 p.m.