peace || joy || love
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have decided not to blog anymore. i hardly even say what i really want to say on this space. if you really want to know, ask me. some things are better told at a personal level. i don't like to tell people about my life. it's tiring enough to go through each day without having to relive it by telling it on the blog. sorry, i don't have that excess energy. have a nice life, everyone. if you're really bored, you can try the archives. beek smiled on dormant; asleep; unconscious; detached; inactive; resting; idle wake me, whether you are my alarm clock or otherwise beek smiled on all the days you spent with me, now seem so far away and it seems like you don't care anymore. sorry, i can't be perfect. beek smiled on birthdays are fun, won't you agree? beek smiled on i always kept believing, that more, if only i had more, i wouldn't get so bored, but everything just left me empty. i so need a compass, if you get what i mean. beek smiled on nothing. when you want something so bad, yet you can't have it, it hurts. when you have a choice between making someone else's life better or making yours better, it hurts, either way. sometimes everything troubles you so much, and you don't know what to do, it hurts. life is all about hurting, isn't it? beek smiled on THIS IS A TIME TO BE JOLLY! maybe not jolly, because i am seriously quite sad over the fact that my class will never be the same again. i am faced with a difficult decision to make. something that might affect my life. sometimes i think i am only getting myself caught in this dilemma because i want to take the easy way out. :( the holidays are here, at long last. this week, i don't really feel like doing any work. school has just been to energy-sapping for me and it's like the only time i can wake up late on weekdays. i just provided myself with a preview of my days to come. i woke up at 11, ate breakfast/lunch until 1, watched a movie until 3+, napped until 6 when i woke up to eat some snacks. what a perfect day, nothing but slacking. sometimes i think i am seriously so compulsive in my procrastinating that i don't think i can ever snap out of it. beek smiled on the ists. an optimist is an idealist in a pessimist's eyes, i think sometimes i'm too realistic even though i wish i could be idealistic. the world is not perfect, much less me and you. yet i think no one is that bad deep inside, not even the most evil man, whom i think should be either osama or bush. i don't know who is more evil, both are mass murderers, like hitler. beek smiled on thought through i've just been thinking what i would do if the class splits. i think i'll just be very sad and be like that for quite a while. i consulted my mum on the possibility of me changing sch if the class splits and she told me to shut that thought out of my head, even though she said she would support me if that is to be my decision in the end. i love my mum so. i think i would not change school even if the class splits, because i don't think i want to view myself as a loser for the rest of my life. anyway even if my class splits, i'll have a huge role to play in causing it. i haven't been really conscious about putting on my best behaviour when there is obviously a need for it. and i've noticed that i'm kinda the only person in class who has a habit of being late for school. forget it, i'm waking at 5oclock everyday. blame it on geography that i should live that far away from school. i feel guilty that i really did not put in much of an effort for the class. i miss st nicks, i never used to be early for school but i'm almost never late, except on some days where the circumstances were quite exceptional. whatever the outcome might be, i'll just accept it. how lovely. beek smiled on no idea at all. talked to someone after school today on the bus. i just realised something that i haven't really noticed before. the phrase "you think you know but you have no idea" is so darn true. alot of people don't know alot of things. it's vague but enough said. no one will ever know what it's like anyway. beek smiled on thanks dearies. today i got back my O's results. it was overwhelmingly surprising for me. i hugged so many people, talked to so many people on the phone. thank you dearies of st nicks, i couldn't have done it without you. how could i have got through without you teaching me math questions, teaching me zaoju and tianci, doing revision with me...i remember amk library and its snacks and cards... i am too shocked to do anything. hope everyone was satisfied. cheer up, those who are sad. it's not the end of the world. you still have your friends and everyone else. i love all of you loads, and thanks to those who had faith in me when i didn't even have faith in myself. i am too shocked. i keep thinking it's a dream, it better not be. or my life will be a nightmare. beek smiled on my part. i read jason's email about doing my part for 62. er...i realise i have to put in the most effort. i have the most hw to catch up with. i have to first, understand what the hell the teacher has been talking about during lectures over the past few weeks cos i haven't been listening at all. i will try my best to do hw, even if it kills me. SO JASON CHEN, YOU BETTER STOP BUGGING ME TO COME ONLINE! come to think of it, i remember what i dreamt of last night. i dreamt that i can't stay in hc, and 62 was splitting up. i went to vj and guess who i saw? everyone in 62. weird dream, i know it'll never come true. but somehow i think the first part is a premonition. somehow i see myself in the vj uniform rather than the hc one. maybe it's because i like the vj uniform more. results coming out on friday. yay! like finally man. i am still deciding whether i should go to school that day. there's so much for me to do all at once that i don't know which one is of higher priorty. darn it. shall procrastinate today since i am not attending school tmr. darn, darn, darn. beek smiled on nothing in particular. results are coming out soon. i feel kinda excited, maybe it's because it's been a long long time since the O'levels and i just wanna get over with it. i don't know why. somehow i feel that i've known people in my class for a really long time, even though it's been only less than two months. guess it becomes like that when you stick to your class the entire day. as in literally STICK together. we go for classes together, which is more than 6hrs a day. and we have breaks together. and we get punished together. and we have fun together. how cool is that?! i'm not complaining but it amazes me how we can bond so quickly somehow. if i have to leave, i have only one thing to say, i have no regrets. serious. at least i got to know a nice bunch of people. haha, they kept me happy for three months. i am quite sure i will be just as happy in other jcs as well. oops, that sounded quite mean and unsentimental of me. but i think nothing last forever. anyway, i have them on msn, so yeah, it's not like we won't talk to each other again in our lives. maybe i'll cry, maybe i won't. i don't know. there's still the BIG DECISION to make. but rest assured, i won't regret my decision. love ya loads and loads and loads. beek smiled on disguise. Have you ever seen your face, Lene Marlin rocks!i don't know if she writes her own songs, but her songs are great. i want her cd but i can't seem to find it in cd stores. maybe i should go cd-hunting one of these days. beek smiled on the one up there fantastic! woah! cool! maybe i'm putting words in their mouths but i seriously doubt so. the whole bus was turning their heads to look at the beautiful sight. rare in our city i must say. fingers were pointing, faces were smiling, eyes were just looking in that direction. funny how something as small and insignificant as a kite can attract the attention of so many people all at once. but really, i was captivated by the kite today. i've always been impressed by people who can make things fly, which to me there are only two kinds. the first being pilots and second being kite-flyers. kites are difficult things to handle, judging from how my last two kite-flying attempts had ended up as total flops. but the guy today was really cool. i just realised my house has so many fields surrounding it. perfect for kiteflying, didn't realise it till today. a silver speck in the sky, gliding and flapping. up and up it goes, till it seems to be able to go no higher. then it all comes crashing down. ouch, poor kite. there goes the guy to pick it up. the silver bird will soon be up there in the sky again, soaring. i am sure. beek smiled on happy. :) i don't know why i'm happy. i just am. okay number one, i convinced my mum to let me do something which i wanted to do all along. it's not really a big thing but it might make a difference to my life. MIGHT. nothing is definite. and today i found something that i enjoy doing. actually i thought i disliked doing it but it turned out okay in the end. oops smiling too wide to say anymore. pls SMILE! beek smiled on
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cherished || smiles
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peer\pressure
impression
becca
cher
dee
ee
elaine
glen
jackie
jo
kaishek
neelie
peis
rah
richard
seb
sixtwo
tribe
xuemei
a someone yet to leave a mark in the world. a someone searching for something to let others remember her by. a someone who knows not what is true bliss, for that someone is not satisfied by imperfection. and this someone thanks all the people whose feet have left footprints in the beach of her heart.