wonderful time.
today was quite a wonderful day, which mainly started from after school. in school, we played cards, and captain's ball again. for the first time i feel that bridge is not the best game in the entire world. it's probably cos i just played for the entire week.

we celebrated brenda's birthday today. she had a pleasant surprise i think. and the entire read-your-mind game was fun. though i was quite slow on getting the answer. but nonetheless, i finally figured out the how-many-men-jumped-over-the-fence thing. and i learned alot of new stuff today! maybe not useful textbook stuff but just lots of fun stuff. great to see everyone again, though many of them are from HC. but well, ever since we got into different classes, i hardly ever get to see anyone except my class pple.

ok, HC is getting quite fun. though lectures still suck. the LTs are really cold. i'm like freezing during almost every single lecture. how am i going to survive like this? i get drowsy during almost every single lesson. and i don't feel any motivation to do my tutorials. i need some kind of miracle to save me from slacking all the way in jc. i think life for everyone has been about the same. seriously, i prefer to stay in classroom for lessons. at least, i feel like i have a place i belong to everyday. i think moving around just makes me feel like i'm going for some course in some foreign place.

i think i shall read jy's book tmr. have borrowed it for more than a week and i'm on page 14. fantastic speed. at this rate, i'm going to have to return her the book after we graduate. i miss watching movies. haven't watched movies in about a month. what the crap. i wanna watch Love Me If You Dare. it looks quite sadistic, definitely a movie for me.

everyone grew prettier in jc, except me. everyone just looks different from the way they looked in st nicks. and alicia and the guy---i kind of forgot his name--- looks quite good together. i hope they get together. i'll be happy for her. i think i'm having some goldfish memory syndrome. GMS for short. i can't remember names well, and i can hardly recite all the names of my classmates without any help. i seriously need brain food. i'm feeling stupid these days, though i've cheered up considerably. thanks everyone who has made my day in one way or another. love you all loads.

beek.
Friday, January 16, 2004 11:41 p.m.
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like relative to dislike
today was a absolutely boring day. like the econs and physics lectures were nothing but crap. "what is econs?"...like i really care. i don't like it when tchers do stupid things like beat around the bush to tell me econs is actually just the subject i'm studying now. physics was worse. do you think i really care abt who invented what and their entire life story? funny teachers. it's probably their way of giving their students an "exciting" intro to a new subject in a new school.

i dunno where my life is heading right now. maybe i sound dead serious and depressed but that's the way i feel. i mean, why did i even join hc? okay, it's nearer than any other good jcs. that's abt it. and yeah, it's big. tt's all. no other reasons. that's probably why i feel like dying right now. i think tt jc life sucks. i miss st nicks so much. jc life is not interesting at all. and hc has done nothing to make me change my impression. really, i hate going to competitive schools. compete in sports, compete in studies and everything else. what's their prob seriously? just relax and enjoy life...

i thought abt changing jcs. but i don't wanna regret changing cos even if i go to vj, i may not like it there. but i think i'll like it more than hc. hc just gets on my nerves. it's not the people. it's the entire essence of the school. i don't feel a sense of pride telling pple my jc. i don't even feel tt i wanna go to school at all. every day in school is just another dreary day that i'm going to waste away.

you know what, i think i'm suffering from depression. i may smile everyday but i feel tt it's really just a facade. i'm like forced to look happy in school even though at the end of the day, i'm going to say tt "oh, my day sucked". life really isn't perfect. i should just lower my standards and stop judging jc life the way i judge it now. i mean, if i continue like this, i'll never be happy in any jc. urgh...i gotta cheer up and just live each day as it comes. easier said than done. but i'm going to try to do it anyway. have a nice life.

beek.
Monday, January 12, 2004 09:10 p.m.
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a brand new year
ok this entry isn't exactly made on the new years day but it's not my fault. this blog thing was out of my mind until just now, when cheryl reminded me i haven't blogged in more than half a year. ooh, talk about lousy memory.

oh i got into hc. i hope i haven't made the wrong choice. i don't wanna feel too stupid in jc but now tt i'm in hc, i guess i have no choice. pple there sound really smart and i'm not sure if i can measure up. oops, what does measure up mean? hope it's not something i created. oh my class is 04S62, just in case any of you want to crash hc, you're welcome to look for me. when i say this.

i suddenly forgot how it feels like to be talking to someone who isn't like right there in front of me. like i don't really remember how it feels to be typing a journal entry online. i miss sngs. like alot. when i hear vitamin c's grad song, i feel so sad. the song suddenly makes alot of sense to me. even though we still live in the same country, it's diff cos we don't have time to see each other everyday. urgh, i'm so sad now. hope you are having fun in your jcs.

i hope i can stay in hc. i mean, not tt i like to feel stupid or anything but hc has been quite okay so far. notice i said so far cos i think the orientation is supposed to psycho you into feeling tt the jc is great. wish tt i can be happier in my class. i think it's the antisocial side of me again. somehow i don't feel like talking to anyone cos i am still caught in the 4u thing. i need to change if i would want to make new friends.

things in my class are getting interesting. peishan, jy, cher, yiwen and a few other pple would know what i mean. i hope my class isn't too hardworking cos i don't want the pple around me to complain tt i distract them too much during lessons cos i sleep or do things like write and draw in my book or message. urgh. i don't think i'll ever be happy enough in jc. i just am too greedy. i want my jc life to be perfect. but nothing is perfect. life definitely isn't perfect. much less jc life. sigh. have fun, you guys.

beek.
Sunday, January 11, 2004 07:53 p.m.
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