cheated.
i feel so cheated today. i think you all know why so i shan't bother going into the details. but today, i was in quite a dilemma. i don't know if i shld buy the blue one. i like it but i don't know if it is practical. what a hard decision to make. thus, i did not bother making it.
i'm going to watch daredevil on wednesday. how fun is that. i am not watching for ben affleck cos i heard that he sucked in the movie, esp in those emotional parts. i think tt jennifer garner is v. pretty. i hope i spelt her name right. and they, referring to the movie critics, said that the kingpin and the bullseye guys are really good. shall look out for them. can't believe their names are so cheesy. i mean, hello? the moment you hear their names, you know they're bad guys. no one on this earth with the right mind will call themselves kingpin. it's like telling the police "catch me!" stupid comic.
shan't be so longwinded today. this can encourage pple like shihan to read my entries. take cares.
yours seriously
angel_undefined,beek.
Monday, March 10, 2003 09:11 p.m.
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a little rest before a long run
hasn't been here for a long time. almost wiped this page clean from my mind. been experiencing some mental blocks lately. can't think of anything to blog on the pau blog and this one. must eat more fish.
feeling really low since yesterday. especially with my ankle in such a bad shape, it's really hard even to force a smile. felt really sad yesterday, partly due to the rain. i dunno why, but rain in the afternoon always spoils my mood. and after school yesterday, i was feeling a little feverish. didn't have any appetite to eat at all. and i tell you, when i lose my appetite, you know tt there's something really wrong with me.
shan't tell why i am feeling blue. i always keep all my troubles inside me anyway. i'm just feeling a little guilty and stuff. shan't tell why i'm feeling guilty either. so when i got home, i spent a little time in the shower, trying to figure out what's wrong with me. and i came up with a conclusion. there's nothing quite wrong. i was just imagining things.
ok, enough of those sad stuff. you know how mariah carey songs always manage to give me hope. yesterday when i was feeling a little down, i listened to "i hope you dance" by lee ann womack. felt quite relieved after that. i especially like the line "don't let some hell bent heart leave you bitter". really felt like someone just extinguished the bad feelings inside me.
by the way, yesterday, the tcher ong was telling us about our graduation. i just had a bad feeling about it. felt that it isn't gonna turn out right. esp after glen said "i wanna see you in a dress". and they said pastel and white dresses only. i didn't know how to react. moan about the restrictions on the colors or be happy that i don't have to look like a weiqi board.
got so many things on my mind right now. but i don't feel quite comfortable revealing it on the net. in case you're wondering what i'm thinking, let me just tell you this. it isn't anything undesirable. got so many things i haven't done. homework, good deeds, room-cleaning, and some things tt i should've said t some pple which i hadn't. just keeps on praying every nite that god will make my life better. the more i blog, the more i am reminded of my blues. shan't say anymore things to make myself sad. hugs and kisses.
[cantseenosunifyoudontopenyoureyes]
yours seriously
angel_undefined,beek.
Saturday, March 8, 2003 04:54 p.m.
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for everything you gain, you lose something else.
the PSLE results marked the end of my primary school life. such sadness and nolstalgia.
now i'm in secondary school, the graduating year, in fact. wonder how i'll feel when i graduate. i didn't really feel very sad in primary school partly due to the fact that i wasn't exactly that sensitive and mature. but now i'm sixteen, almost. when i leave school, i'll probably miss the school, maybe the teachers and definitely my friends. i think without my friends, i'd have quit school long ago.
listening to Graduation [Friends Forever] by Vitamin C. Great song. Meaningful lyrics. sometimes when i listen to it and put myself in the shoes of the poeple graduating, i feel like crying. it's like i wanna grow up but i don't wanna lose a single thing i have now, which is kinda impossible. i guess that's why they say for everything you gain, you lose something else.
i keep on thinking about the future. about whether i'll get married and whether my career will be successful. it's really funny, cos you can fantasize about the future (and about how you're gonna marry this rich and gorgeous guy), but when you get back down to earth, you realize that all that might not even come true. it's good to have dreams but it can be depressing sometimes, if you come to a realization that not all your dreams will come true. i know i sound negative but i think what i've said is true.
i wonder if in the future, i'll still keep in touch with my friends now. my friends and i have made a pact to meet each other opposite our present school in 4 years time. 4 years might seem to be a short time but when i think about it, it's not that short and i think all of us will forget about the pact altogether. i mean, i don't remember what my friends and i said when we were in primary six.
i dunno what's in store for me in the future. i think the Singapore system is kinda dumb because they are making us go through streaming in secondary 4, and then when we get into JC, we'll all be 17. i think it'll be quite hard then to make friends cos when you get older, you get more self-conscious and become more shy, supposedly. looking forward to my future, even though it looks so bleak and impossible.
aye, sigh. shan't talk about my future no more. sounds almost depressing and hopeless. hope that your dreams will all come true, even though it might not all come true. take cares.
yours seriously
angel_undefined,beek.
Sunday, February 2, 2003 02:05 p.m.
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grad.
well, it might seem kinda weird that i'm writing about graduation now cos i haven't even taken my O'Levels and i might not get to graduate after all because i might just jolly well fail my O's cos i'm so well-known for my sloth and happy-go-lucky attitude towards life and studies. [wow, that's one long sentence]
well, since i haven't graduated from secondary school, i shall talk about my primary school graduation. somewhere in the depths of my memory, i still retain some memories of my primary school life, even though it has been more than 3 years since i graduated.
still remember those times in lower primary, when my friends and i were so childish and petty. we all went [i don't want to friend her. you don't friend her too okay?] that sort of stuff. looking back now, i feel quite ashamed of myself.
then there's times, many times, in upper primary, where my gang of friends always make promises to be fiends forvever that sort of thing. it was always eventful, although i can't remember what the events are. we liked to sign autograph books and would always write birthday as hatchday and [my profile] as [my criminal record]. i can't remember why it was so popular then. that was the time when all the boybands rule. backstreet boys and westlife were the everyday topics of the class.
i still kept all the neoprints of me and my friends. we liked to take them and write the message [friends forever] on top. we liked forever friends bear even though it wasn't like particularly cute. i did so many silly things then, which i would never do today. my dress sense back then was terrible. i hope i didn't have any pictures of the past. otherwise i would probably jolly well hide myself in a shell if someone was to stumble upon the pictures.
i miss my primary school life, my friends and everything back then. life was simple. studying was stress-free. friends were loyal and sincere. but of course i understand that all would have to move on in life, sooner or later. that's why i don't immerse myself in the memories, lest i become too engrossed in the past and neglect the present.
although i don't think my friends and i kept our promises to be friends forever, i think it was still worth it, making the promise. because it made me feel at that time that they were my true friends and i would still say today that they are my friends. well, that's all. shall continue on the topic of graduation next time.
[yesterday is history. tomorrow is mystery. today is a gift. that's why they call it the present.]
yours seriously
angel_undefined,beek.
Friday, January 31, 2003 04:42 p.m.
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hope.
oh wow, it's been a long time since i updated this journal. esp since i have a shared blog up. can't really think of a good topic to blog about right now.
here goes. i shall talk about hope. presently listening to mariah carey's "hero" now. it's a really er. inspiring and encouraging song? i mean, i find the lyrics really meaningful cos it's so filled with hope and faith. hope that things may turn out for the better and faith that things will turn out for the better.
that's the way life is. sometimes, some bad and demoralising things strike you and you find yourself a total flop. that happened to me, though i can't think of when it happened. but you know, as long as you think that there's this force out there, be it your own or some divine intervention---thanks fel, for the phrase---, things will never be too bad. there's always a balance in life. even shakespeare said so.
something bad happens to you today and something good will happen to you tomorrow. ok, maybe not something good. it might be something good hidden in something bad. cos sometimes bad things aren't totally bad. take an example. failing a test is a bad thing. but it might be a good thing cos it might encourage you to study hard. sadly, that does not apply to me. not becos i don't fail tests, but because studying is not really the number one priority in my life.
i'm sure there's always hope in life. so i don't really believe in all the the-end-of-the-world stuff. because life is within the control of men. unless everyone in the world decides to end their lives, i don't see an end to life on earth.
talking about hope. hope in itself is not enough. there must be action. actions to make your hope come true. your hope will be like a guide and engine during the course of your action. i have hope in tomorrow, hope in the people around me and hope in my future. of course, to make my future happen, i must have action. and that action is --- eat. food is one vital factor of survival.
hope and dream. for then will you have a soul.
yours seriously
angel_undefined,beek.
Sunday, January 26, 2003 12:00 p.m.
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