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creative combustion
Feel free to Discuss
Tuesday, June 1, 2004 11:15 a.m.
A big purple dragon
yellow eyes hiden when biden
body moves to please, now please sneeze
nostril fire found fog uninspired
hiden from view dragon pit perspired.
hunger knaws on the dragons mouth,
fire fastened only to move madly south
eyes flare, fire erupts in the tummy of the big gout.
wait for things to come or let this dragon out?
Friday, May 28, 2004 08:37 a.m.
this whole time i've been worrying about my body. not in some vain egotistical way. i like making faces in the mirror that's for sure. but i've been wreckin' my body up, and i'm not even really sure how. one guy took it for what it is. my body. the only advice i wanted was how to hold, move, flow my body.
Fire has been burnt in and i'm retired for spectre forces. re: RE: re?!
OH WELL THEN HOW ABOUT
re: re: re: re: re: re:
re: re: re: re: re: re:
no i say get back to me, that is get back to ME. reply spectres rapping in the wind. restore hope. resserect the unearthy, the mystical. put yourself in guy's shoes. in all guys shoes. if your foot don't fit, don't wear it. you gonna yell at me through a window, i don't wanna hear it. i can't even go home.
Home is dead. A broken glass house. invaded by deceiving political knowledge, with religious intent. imperial conversion, just like imperial pop culture. catch onto a good thing, then make it stick forever. a celebrity must have no life, just hounds sniffing at their asses. They must need money to make it anywhere, why because like the damn president says security.
I'm so insecure about being secure.
more soon...
Wednesday, May 26, 2004 04:05 p.m.
plays victim to the voices outside
your staged selves need a new bride
i'm quiet here inside
by my big ass retried
comfortable corner
jack... oh that's right
jack outside bearing off my behind
what about this tick
crawling down my belt
while i sit on the toilet
of the computer lab, done been smelt
hearing things dude, gotta belive it
cause theres voice guy, did you hear it?
i heard a
hoppin' urgin' copen' hag
purge bleach nah
i,uh,gotta queer it
take a crap around the lab
niiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiice w/rice dude
i think i fear it.
afraaaaaid, of a raaaaaid
down done been depraaaaved?
question a bit more i get myself sssssssssaved.
nah your out, fucker. damn damn voices.
say their sorry, but not about what
just keep talkin' bout my chickAH chicken butt
Wednesday, May 26, 2004 03:33 p.m.
Heeeey you guys
yeah guy write it
that's tight
i know
he's right
yeah guy write it
who do you think i am anyway?
direct your answers to the guestbook, then i'll fuckin' read it.
Tuesday, May 18, 2004 01:04 a.m.
Collected silence, the story of my life.
Crumbling conscious, chored boredom strife.
Arrogant assumptions, deposited safely behind doors.
Guarded paranoia, hoisting hotstuff towards the floor.
Fleeting vericose brain with mind numbing not-at-alls.
Pose my head about ducking at all the street calls.
Feet heated not defeated solving tepid dreams >BR?
Lifes a blur then whirl that winding is all it seems.
Saturday, March 27, 2004 09:41 p.m.
Found a bag and thought it was a bomb.
took my conscious home to drop it off at the door
of the YMCA where a guy said he'd
take care of it.
wonder if he shared it.
Saturday, March 27, 2004 09:33 p.m.
There was no beep on that telephone.
A sexual revolution don't bring no one home
Bring a little bring a little more,
before i exit the door.
Bad ass self, forget mentioning health
Bringin' glad fashion for ms. common wealth
heated up, but not defeated. down to the cusp
not arrogant, these naive notions
just playin' the motions, for some real emotion.
bring it back, bring it back a little more.
hates not great, you shut the fucking' door.
lookin' for a little more. awareness. increase that chore.
Friday, March 5, 2004 02:28 p.m.
boom sha locka-locka tic ah tac tac
boom sha locka locka tic a ricky tac tac
boom shacka lock lock tic ah tac tac
Ricky tac tac boom shaka ricky spick spack
Boom ba da Boom Boom isaida
Boom ba da Boom boom isaida
Boom da ba BOom BOOM icka ricky tac tac
Sunday, February 29, 2004 01:31 p.m.
It's a hunger,
y'know?
the desire to feed
to taste and breathe
to shout out loud
to cry again and again.
It's the hunger,
y'know?
needing sustenance
breeding nutrition
feeding from malicious manners of men.
I'm hungry,
y'know?
I eat and eat and eat
and my belly grows round
I'm sleeping too much,
on the job
damn you slob
gotta eat. gotta eat. eat, eat, eat.
But,
Must remember to breathe
Sunday, February 29, 2004 01:30 p.m.
When I am ready
to be who I want,
I will want to be.
Sunday, February 29, 2004 01:24 p.m.
Okay okay okay, so I'm a sham. I got my sham on. I have no idea what's going on. My life is a little blank slate, an empty vessel of which I'm begging others to fill. My problem... I got the sham on, I don't follow. I'm a little slow. Sham on!
To think slow is to fall behind in this mighty era.
But, if you look cool enough, whether you try to or not. If you're acting big enough you are that big. Of course when a big ass mutha fucka sees the sham, he'll beat the scrawny sham off his ass and through the floor. Then he won't be looking so cool.
Luckily, I have some charisma, though I'm not sure how or what it is. I try to see between the lines, while walking the line. Don't be fooled now, i've got the sham on. But even though I do have the sham on, big ass mutha fucka's tend to be a bit hesitant about the sham. Mainly because they don't know what the fuck the sham is. Because, for the simple reason that, I don't know what the fuck the sham is. It's a sham, remember?
Sham on!
Monday, January 26, 2004 05:11 p.m.
Mooseman
Offering the ladies his coat.
More than breathing is the tenacious goat.
I mean, Mooseman.
Rattle Rumble Rockin' side to straight on down the road
Ecliptic muttering makes me the minor node.
Mooseman!
Waking me up and teaching me to breathe
The man who was more than a moose made massive molding moose-like sounds.
More is to the wobble in his neck, his prowlin' figure
shambling his way and mine my own.
wondering when paths cross if there is more to it then my own.
what may men be, when they are merely men?
Tuesday, January 20, 2004 10:14 a.m.
Religion: A perspective oriented body of order.
Church: A group of people exploring religion.
Doctorine: An exchange, only touching the truth of religion.
Finding meaning.
Wednesday, January 7, 2004 08:33 a.m.
I ponder the severity of the generation gap. not that i have any context. but i don't know one child who can express their life to their parents, the way they wish to. though, i have been trying these last couple of days to communicate with my father, on a no boundries level. on a not holding myself back. the glory of e-mail is that we can disagree and never have to look each other in the eye. this is somehow an easier way to disagree. i'm not sure if for him or me. prolly me
Monday, January 6, 2003 11:28 p.m.
Celeste who works with the functionally disabled, or some other such Politically Correct nonsense. had a hard day at work today.
what advice could i give for the racking of nerves, the clenching of jaws, irritation boiling?
so I wonder is happiness merely an option that we face each day. do we have the courage and tenacity to accomplish our happiness? can we let it go and just have joy.
Celeste did tonight. after we chatted and she struck a dischord of catharsis. Shortly, peace assumed.
Monday, January 5, 2004 02:43 p.m.
and what americans do have is the joy of industry.
Monday, January 5, 2004 02:39 p.m.
So,
Diane. the lady that i met on the street the one that didn't know, but professes human rights. rights that everyone should stand for, she says. she who complained so much but had not one single answer... if you had so many questions, and your life was full of every question with not one answer... wouldn't you be crazy?
i don't define people by the western, sterile medicine, institutional practices of psychology. i don't define people by anything but who they are... this is what i try to do. the only hitch is adding who i am into the situation.
that was the problem with diane. she didn't want me... she cared for only herself. i called her selfish and vain. because she didn't have the courage to stand up to her attackers. but "why would anyone hate me??? i'm just a simple oregon lady. i'm well liked in the community" which is one question and two complaints... complaining first about herself, because she should be more. then about her community because she doesn't realize that the people in her community have every single "human right" that she does. she must stand for them, even her attackers, if she stands for all. conversely if she doesn't stand up for her human rights using a language that people who would call her a whore use... then she is doing nothing. if nothing is done? ever? I will go crazy.
Yet she is so much closer than the rest of us... she just needs someone to lead. A true leader among men. Yet, fighting from guidance... was her only option. Because she was stuck on "I don't know"s... the key word there is I. No one person will know. i think because:
one to one is the same
and the same is one.
it takes two, more than two. Jesus (sometimes i hate relating it to him, he's such a has-been) had a big old group of friends... 12 of them that believed. these 12 would have followed him to the ends of the earth and back again (even Judas.) his little scaleywag friends and him performed all sorts of 'miracles' so that people could see something more. a bigger picture...
Through Diane's complaints i picked up on one simple message. 'I don't know.' So I think what it means to know, and what everyone does not know. I had only one answer for her as she continued talking, but her words became sounds, her gestures articulated these sounds, animalistic pure true. it went:
concern, concern, help me, i don't know what to do... and she continued shrugging at the injustice of it all. So she went, off into the cold dark night... the answer i had, was that i didn't know either, but maybe together...
Peter and I continued on, walking a dog with a pink collar/through the dark, speaking of many things... That dog is a lot closer than many of us, her name is Maka. She holds keys to doors i dream of opening. Purity. Truth.
Monday, December 29, 2003 08:32 p.m.
To those that hate Americans:
I am an "american." But I recognize my corrupt government, my prideful culture, the hypocrasy. My question is what do i do? Where do I go? How do I act against the bullshit.
My idea is to transcend the bullshit. To walk away from the shit. My morals tell me I cannot kill except to protect myself and those that I love. But it's long been past since my government had lied to me cheated me and abused it's power (which I feel is no longer of the people...)
The Republic of America, The divided republic needs fall. I am boiling, my new years resolution is to keep the fire burning. But I have a lid, i'm not loosing water. America has blown it's lid, we're openly being evil and calling others what we are. HYPOCRITES. Our holy bible warns us against the actions we are commiting. Telling us not to kill, yet our own president has put a price on the heads of other country's leaders.
I'm looking for an answer and I'm telling the world (on this dumbass page) that I don't have one. But I want one. To that end I am going to boil. for change must happen and happen it will hurt. though, stuck are we on wear and tear and wearing what shirt...
Wednesday, October 1, 2003 02:31 p.m.
And suddenly I'm industriously joyous.
Monday, September 15, 2003 10:17 a.m.
"Wintertime winds blow cold the season
Fallen in love, I'm hopin' to be
Wind is so cold, is that the reason?
Keeping you warm, your hands touching me"
-Jim Morrison
Friday, August 29, 2003 10:42 a.m.
Next summer I may give up my ways of checking. Instead of selling people groceries that I have nothing to do with, I will sell people groceries out of my backyard. With the rudimentary principles of gardening I will study and work to become a farmer, creating from the land I live upon.
Self sustained.
Wednesday, August 27, 2003 11:25 a.m.
Flee foul demons of mistrust. Flee from my mind.
OUT! Bashful self consciousness OUT!
Sense of doubt, selfishness, be gone!
I revoke the demons inside myself!
Sunday, August 24, 2003 12:11 p.m.
Must seek mystery, for answers never come.
Can't wait on tomorrow to see the mission done.
Sunday, August 24, 2003 12:07 p.m.
Cultural identities plague me.
Must remember not to cry.
Must stay active despite indifference.
Must love labels pushed towards me.
Must remain ignorant in face of my betters.
Friday, August 22, 2003 02:42 p.m.
I feel the happy joyous moments of self betterment. A turn of new ends in my life. An awakening long desired.
My greatest fear is self-delusion.
I'm seeking something to hope for. To delight in. To hurdle thru the Cosmos with.
Wednesday, August 20, 2003 11:56 a.m.
I was giving a coaching session on my life by my roommates auntie one morning. She calmly listened to me spout out information in a stoney haze. Wild ideas exchanged among friends. Then I was given advice, simply put.
And I dwell on that word put, for it is subjective in nature, the strongest kind of advice.
Thursday, August 14, 2003 10:06 a.m.
I am a battery. Like a battery I feel sometimes I must drain away all my power, till I have no option but to recharge. From this I will live a fuller and happier life. A battery must do such things to adhere towards optimal performance
Will I arrive at some conclusion when all my powers are used? Perhaps the conclusion is merely the things that I did on my way towards the end. The memories collected, the knowledge that I have in fact done everything I could. Then the next day when I arise, my body aching slightly from completed use, will i be recharged or will things from the day before stop my refueling?
Can I do this each and every day?
Monday, August 11, 2003 11:25 a.m.
Mars a small street light in the sky. Not white like the stars, but yellowish red, the color of the lights around us.
Mars, in the Greek pantheon, was the God of war. At this exact moment Mars is having the greatest gravitational pull on earth, and that force is applied on us as well. Is this merely an ironic twist of fate. Or perhaps astrology's insight is the gravitational pull that planets and stars have on our planet and our selves. Hormones could be moved from place to place. A lung might feel Mars in a different way than a heart.
I'm not sure if it is gravity, but we as humans have a force that interconnects us. I can feel it walking with friends, bumping into them despite walking in a straight line. Sometimes I feel people who are very far away from me. Sometimes my friends and the people around me arise such "coincidences" that I am forced to conclude that perhaps things are so coincidental as I suspect.
Sunday, July 27, 2003 09:39 a.m.
money is what stopped the world from moving. people require compensation, in modern american culture, for the things they accomplish and the things they do. No one is happy to do something for the sake of action.
Sometimes when i'm excited I feel a pull. It's hyperbolic and I just want to get caught in it. So I'll scream toward infinity always nearing a goal. The problem is i'm trying to decide whether to follow the x or y axis, so instead of relinquishing myself, I settle.
But, what I really want is action.
Wednesday, July 23, 2003 11:23 a.m.
When will information be free?
Where anyone who has anything to add to information can do so, freely and openly. Where advances in technology aren't hidden and copyrighted and "protected" but theorized and moralized and debated.
I need to discuss the things around me. The things that I use everyday. These inventions, that are synthetic, I must analyze in my own life to see if they truly have a place in my life.
Otherwise we're just consuming things. The land of the obese.
Wednesday, June 25, 2003 11:07 a.m.
Oh?
A simple question seeking elaboration.
Sunday, June 22, 2003 10:57 a.m.
Last night there was still about 8 people in my house when I passed the fuck out. My room door open. The party noise muffled from the blood alcohol content in my ears.
And now I write.
Saturday, June 14, 2003 09:48 a.m.
I wonder what the exact moment is like when someone decides that they need theropy. To know that what's going on in your head you can't figure out on your own. Getting down to it, nothing is bad about wanting the help of others. Or even needing the help of others. That's why we have friends and family.
The question I ask myself is should we ever rely on strangers for the benefit of our mental and emotional health.
Monday, June 2, 2003 12:58 p.m.
A new beginning
A summer of self sufficiency
To never turn back
To realize what I want in life.
To follow a loved ones words of guidance and love what i'm doing.
In love with the community I have chosen. Having found a neo-family from which I depend. Having found sollace in the family that I rely on. Having so much that the only option is to have myself as well. That is content.
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