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If a tree fell on my head would I hear it?
Feel free to Discuss
Wednesday, June 12, 2002 03:49 p.m.
From Memory:
This can be no trick
The conference was sadly borne
They have the truth of this from Hero
They do seem to pity the lady.
It seems her affections have their full bent.
Love ME!
Why it must be requited
I hear how I am censured
They say I will bear myself proudly if I perceive the love come from her.
They say that she would rather die than show any sign of affection
I did never think to marry.
I must not seem proud
Happy are they that can hear their detractions and put them to mending.
They say the lady is fair, tis a truth I can bear witness
And virtuous, tis so I cannot reprove it.
And Wise! But for loving... me....
By my troth
It is no addition to her wit, nor any great arguement of her folly for I will be HORRIBLY in love with her...
I may chance have some odd quirks and remnants of wit broken on me because I have railed so long against marriage
but doth not the appetite alter?
A man love the meat in his youth he cannot endure in his age.
Shall these quips and sentences and paper bullets of the brain awe a man from the career of his humor?
NO!
The WORLD MUST BE PEOPLED!!!!!
When I said I would die a bachelor,
I did not think I should live to be married.
Here comes Beatrice
By this day she's a fair lady.
I do spy some marks of love in her.
Tuesday, June 11, 2002 10:52 p.m.
"I need a brand new friend who doesn't bother me.
i need somebody, yeah."
Tuesday, June 11, 2002 10:49 p.m.
So my friends are not excited to see me.
My dearest friend is leaving me for a year.
I have lived in a city for nine months and no-one I know would think to call me.
Everyone I know wants to be somewhere else.
Including myself.
Monday, June 10, 2002 11:49 p.m.
My roommate is playing a video game.
"PIck a number." he says
"No."
"Pick a frickin' number" he insists
"You're a big boy pick your own number."
"Oh for the love of-" he swears
I laugh.
"I was just going to test your luck tonight."
"I don't believe in luck. You and the guys are alway like 'oh i need my lucky die my stupid unlucky die is pissing me off' and I never did. I don't believe in it"
"Well, I don't believe in it either I just have good luck and bad luck which I don't really believe in either, just a rational to blame things on."
A pause.
Then he says, "What would you have picked?"
"5"
"Good that was wrong. Loser"
"What was it? eight?"
"I hate you."
"I win!"
I laugh.
Sunday, June 9, 2002 01:15 p.m.
Remember on the road of life there are only one way roads. every choice you make takes you down one and you are not allowed to go back. Many times there isn't a turn off for a while. So merge with care.
Saturday, June 8, 2002 11:27 a.m.
I was walking today and a truck carrying combustable material containers drove past. One of the containers must have been loose because it was rattling and in my imagination bouncing around in the back of the truck. I imagined the tank bouncing around until it fell just right on a jagged whatsit in the back of the truck. Then a huge explosion rocked the two lanes of traffic. Luckily I was far enough away that I was able to jump and be just out of reach of the explosion. The truck driver miraculously survived as did a hub cap that came rolling my way. Then a bunch of men in black appeared, they were ninjas or corporate leaders I'm not sure. I had to fight my way from hilyard to patterson on 18th. Surprisingly enough the final block home was basically uneventful.
Friday, June 7, 2002 02:39 p.m.
I feel stupid.
Thursday, June 6, 2002 08:19 p.m.
I SO STUPID!!!
Monday, June 3, 2002 10:52 p.m.
I'm reliving a part of my life. and writing about it. it's painful, embarassing, and hopefully i'll learn something from it.
Sunday, June 2, 2002 09:56 p.m.
I have been stunned by a physical first reaction beauty once in my life. I blame this on my tendency to not notice looks unless they are bluntly obvious to all. A tendency which applies to other parts of my life too.
Anyway the female I saw through a window, in the brief 7 seconds I saw her she was an art form. Her slight look of frustration, the thick rimmed glasses, slightly alternative look (if the word alternative even applies), book bag over her shoulder. Everything about her seemed unique and special. I was enthralled.
The person I was eating lunch with didn't see her. Though, I doubt that he would have found her beautiful. The beauty was for my eyes only. I was grateful.
Sunday, June 2, 2002 07:55 p.m.
Remember when vomitting that the only noble way to do so is on the contemporary throne.
Wednesday, May 29, 2002 10:45 p.m.
Remember when voting that the only noble issue/person to vote for are those that are atruistic.
Wednesday, May 29, 2002 10:36 p.m.
Art Alexakis is my anti-muse.
Declare your anti-muse!
Wednesday, May 29, 2002 02:46 p.m.
No, accept the division.
Wednesday, May 29, 2002 09:10 a.m.
And on that note, is it really a bad thing to become attached to things that you own. Obviously the obsessive compulsive replacing intellectual/emotional needs with material ones is unhealthy. But having a few things and liking them dearly. I guess that's what I do. And I don't see anything wrong with it.
Example: If a guitar of mine were to meet it's demise I would cry. A lot.
Wednesday, May 29, 2002 09:09 a.m.
I am mourning the death of an old friend.
My first CD player...
Friday, May 24, 2002 01:40 p.m.
within the realms of my senses only I exsist.
Thursday, May 23, 2002 09:32 p.m.
If you already have perspective it's pretty damn annoying for people to put 'it' in perspective for you.
Because it makes you wonder what they think of you.
Thursday, May 23, 2002 07:10 p.m.
This weekend:
I will think deep. I will have a complete journey within the realms of my mind. I will become a basic being with simple impulses. The desire to feel good. The desire to avoid pain. And most of all Fascination. I eagerly await my journey.
Thursday, May 23, 2002 06:53 p.m.
Before you go killing yourselves, here is a rebuttal:
"There's a shipment of frozen parts come in downstairs- hearts and kidneys and brains and the like. I can hear them rumble into cold storage down the coal chute. A guy sitting in the rome sompeplace I can't see is talking about a guy up on Disturbed killing himself. Old Rawler. Cut both nuts off and bled to death, sitting right on the can in the latrine, half a dozen people in there with him didn't know it till he fell off to the floor, dead.
What makes people so impatient is what I can't figure; all the guy had to do was wait.
-Ken Kesey's One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest
Can't say Old Rawler didn't have power.
Thursday, May 23, 2002 12:38 a.m.
Suicidal.
Now I mean it, I could kill myself.
Why? Ha! Well, to prove my power. Yes power.
In the act of taking my life I show that I truly have power over my life. That in this final act I prove beyond a doubt that I control my life.
I run a car off a cliff,
I inject Clorox into my veins,
I drink gasoline and smoke one last cigarette,
I hot box a car with exhaust,
I take erotic asphyxiation one step too far,
Because you are too weak to do it all. And I have the power to do so.
Annnnd Action!
Wednesday, May 22, 2002 10:32 p.m.
And yet, how profoundly irritatingly honest is that song. I completely sympathize.
Perhaps poetic isn't the word I'm thinking of. Simplicity, but in no way a bad simple an honest stark bleak cruel... something...
another fine presentation.
Wednesday, May 22, 2002 10:18 p.m.
I'm Tired
So Tired
I'm Tired
Of having sex
so tired
i'm spread
so thin
i don't know who i am
who i am
I had a weezer moment a few days back. I came to the conclusion that Rivers Cuomo isn't poetic in his most of his lyrics. He is a classic example of the rock god. He has a few lines about some part of life and wraps a song around him. Except these words are typically something special, just not poetic. They are stark and brutally honest (pinkerton especially, not sure about maladroit.)
Though really I'm just jealous.
Wednesday, May 22, 2002 01:50 p.m.
And as our young hero approaches his second decade of existance there was a decree made across the land. A voice from the heavens proclaimed:
YOU ARE THE RULER OF ALL MY PEOPLE
Our young hero excited rushed out into the street and was hit by a car. While in the emergency room he declared the world his kingdom and was about to steal Jennifer Aniston from Brad Pitt (pregnant or not) when, tragically, he died. Proving God too has a sense of humor.
In a less automobile friendly city, a young man who shared our hero's birthday sat down to make some rules for his 20th year of existence.
Rule 1: Do not get hit by a car.
Rule 2: Remember to rock, even in the privacy of your apartment/dorm/or other location that give you privacy for which to keep the rock on.
Rule 3: Deal with God. You only have one year, so find the bastard and make him tell you what's what.
Rule 4: Your hair is sacred, don't let anyone touch it, don't let them see it if at all possible
Rule 5: Enjoy the changing of the seasons.
Rule 6: Find the wolf.
After a moment of reflection he crosses out Rules 3 and 4 dismissing them as pertinant rules. And writes rule 7.
Rule 7: Be Silly.
Tuesday, May 21, 2002 04:58 p.m.
Discoveries made by the age of 20:
I can cut my own hair
I can rock the fucking house, even if it is just mine.
I can sing, if not well.
I can make other laugh.
When it's warm enough socks are not neccissary.
Life can be simple.
Monday, May 20, 2002 08:34 p.m.
"I need a brand new friend who doesn't bother me."
Thursday, May 16, 2002 10:41 a.m.
INDIE:
Aussie slang for a person who is different, or does not fit into any groups such as homies, teeny-boppers, skaters, punks or surfies. The ideal of this group is to be an individual. This in itself is a complete contradiction. Tend to wear odd second-hand clothes and may like any type or mixture of different types of music. They think they're cool, but would never admit it.
Saturday, May 15, 2002 02:02 p.m.
I'm sick. Miserabley ill. Quarter of the time I sniff. Equal part sneeze. A quarter of the time I cough. The other quarter is blowing my nose.
Sniffing: When doing so I feel the inside of my nose chafing, as if all the mucus gained some form of friction and is rubbing all about the cavities with my face. Eventually this stops because there is a plug somewhere in the cavity, so I create a suction within the realms of my head.
Sneezing: Violent violent violent. I hurt each time. Everything related to my sinuses explodes. not in the happy orgasm fashion, but the violent bomb kill hundreds of people version.
Cough: Violence once again, a shredding rumbling feeling in my chest. When exhaling in a cough I stir around all the razor blades imbedded in my lungs.
Blowing Nose: Chafe.
Saturday, May 11, 2002 11:08 p.m.
My perscription with glasses is 20/40.
Funny, because a few months ago I was admiring my clear view on the world
Sunday, June 9, 2002 11:47 p.m.
if things like math exist, in which there are solid real answers. Isn't it possible then to predict all time, with enough postulates and theorums.
Math means it's predestined
Tuesday, May 7, 2002 11:14 a.m.
Adam fell that men might be
Men are that they might have joy
Monday, May 6, 2002 08:25 p.m.
Bleeeeaaahh!
Stop taking everything seriously William!
Blleeeeeeeeeaaaaaaahhhhh!
Puking can be a relief to ones body, mind, and soul.
Monday, May 6, 2002 08:15 p.m.
Feel the infinite division
Only after experiencing and acknowledgement can I begin to understand.
Saturday, May 4, 2002 04:22 p.m.
Tell me what to do.
Friday, May 3, 2002 08:54 p.m.
Who knew that renewing a book on-line could be so rewarding?
Friday, May 3, 2002 07:00 p.m.
I'm reading a book that addresses the question:
"what is the Messiah was reluctant."
so far it has been interesting.
Thursday, May 2, 2002 11:39 a.m.
A few years back i was concerned and frightened about testicular diseases. You see i noticed some strange abnormality in my left testicle that i had not noticed before. without going into gruesome details suffice to say that i told only two people, none of which i was related to.
i did go to the doctor. I knew it wasn't testicular cancer because i did my homework, thank you internet. i did see a type of disease that causes some pain (i was working out at the time so i was aware of some pain in the nether regions, whether it was related to my recent string of activity or not i was unaware) unfortunately i forget what the disease is, but it matched what i noticed on myself.
I go to the doctors for something else i forget, then ask my mom to step outside so i can ask the doctor something. Obviously she is shocked by this seeing as sex is the only thing i could ever talk to a doctor about.
so i explain best as i can to the doctor. in an unfeeling and uncaring way he tells me to drop my pants, examines me, and tells me to get the hell out of his clinic. feeling embarassed and as if i'm some fetishy guy who gets off by having creepy uncaring men touching my member. In short I have a predisposition to dislike doctors. or perhaps i'm just very critical of them.
I noticed the same abnormality last night.
Wednesday, May 1, 2002 05:26 p.m.
I want a love child, in the form of feline. voodoo works as well.
Tuesday, April 30, 2002 10:38 p.m.
"And when, on the still cold nights, he pointed his nose at a star and howled long and wolflike, it was his ancestors, dead and dust, pointing nose at star and howling down through the centuries through him. And his cadences were their cadences, the cadences which voiced their woe and what to them was the meaning of the stillness, and the cold, and dark."
-The Law of Club and Fang
Tuesday, April 30, 2002 11:28 a.m.
| You are Fozzie!
Wokka Wokka! You love to make lame jokes. Your sense of humor might be a bit off, but you're a great friend and can always be counted on.. | |
and i've got bad ass hair.
Monday, April 29, 2002 04:28 p.m.
Discoverance is better than deliverance.
Sunday, April 28, 2002 05:53 p.m.
i came back, to my surprise
my living area is clean, which makes me wonder
where is my roomate?
i add some spice, which is long in coming
perhaps i could live here again...
Sunday, April 28, 2002 01:39 a.m.
Dependents eh? Tax Return? Hm...
Can I claim insomnia?
Goody goody I get a few hundred dollars back. This makes me happy. i work and work and each time i get my paycheck there is money missing from it. i'm sad when money is missing. but then a special time rolls around when i get my money back, well some of it. i like to make others happy so i don't mind not getting it all back, like today i gave an unhappy man on the street some change and he was happier afterwards i think. he walked past the coffee house and took a right in the next building he was smiling when he went in there. lots of lights and stuff. i'm not allowed in there yet, but when i can i bet i'll be happy too.
Foreshadowing what now?
Sunday, April 28, 2002 12:43 a.m.
Tonight, or maybe it was yesterday was Prom. My experiences with Prom where actually guite melancholy.
Number one experience with Prom I only vaguely remember, which is exactly what happens when you go to 3/4 formal dances with the same person. Yes I only went to 4 damnit, leave me alone.
Number 1:
went with liz, nothing against her, which probably what my previous comments implied, unfortunately i'm trying to let my mind drift more because it's been a pain in the ass lately.
Sidenote:
My brain is being a pain in the ass, think how that makes one feel anatomically.
On to Prom 2:
Went with Kim, my current g/f. would have been a wonderful time except spent later part of evening with bryan, max, and alex. made big deal about max kissing date which is something i don't usually do except when my friends get involved with girls. ahem...
seems strange that evening would be spent with male companions of the dance. are dates what now? obviously did not fufil prom night stereotype. Andrew e. "prom's basically like hiring a prositute. hmmm..."
further problems with this night is that i made a complete and utter ass of myself and hurt friends feelings/made majority of friends (minus 2 maybe 3) wonder who the hell i am/ think i'm cruel low bastard.
earlier that year i had proved to one friend, very good friend, that i am very capable of bastardy. still struggle with bastardy even today. worry about previous bastardy events and how they affect me today.
seems like most relationships end with me as baseful bastard lacking thought and emotion towards other parties involved. perhaps the real problem is that i'm too irresponsible for relationship.
hard to say that 2 years into relationship. but i've gone and done it anyway. perhaps problem is ending relationships... or perhaps i'm just not as smart as i think i am. i would think the later is very likely. 'specially since i'm ranting about things that happened 3-4 years ago.
would like to point out:
first real interactions with girl happened at 17. perhaps my problem is lack of experience. some childhood trauma that i cannot get away from. leads to feeling insugnificany around women/ feeling that they are somehow better than me, all of them/ unable to find female that is 'just friend' because as soon as 'friend' appears i find attraction.
wonderful people (females mainly) should avoid close contact at all costs...
if they did i could stop thinking with my lower 1/2. start thinking with the bit right to the left of dead center, well at least if you look at my newly structured anatomy.
I do love a great deal of people out there. There are many special people in my life, but most of them i fear i have hurt severly at one time or another.
except of course the ones i don't know very well. They see me from a different side, a timid one, a harmless one. a quiet one. too bad quiet is synonimous with sneaky. and sneaky just fits too well with bastard. as does fat.
Briefly summarizing:
I am unable to communicate, and think, at the level that i like to.
communication, and thinking, is something that i have been working on.
my fear is that i hurt many because of lack of communication, and thought.
many that i love.
Saturday, April 27, 2002 10:30 p.m.
Biting the fat knuckle of my thumb just for the thrill of pain.
Wanting to throw up, but hate putting my finger in my throat.
Head spinning and reeling and heavy and absolutely bored.
Doc (the dwarf) starring at me. Soap in one hand a brush in the other. Frozen forever in a sorry looking goofy smile. What a fucking dope fiend. One letter away from friend.
Friday, April 26, 2002 12:28 p.m.
does one dig out from a rut?
or does one fill in the holes?
Thursday, April 25, 2002 11:46 p.m.
I'm stuck in a rut. I'll dig out with a little help from my friends.
Wednesday, April 24, 2002 09:52 p.m.
Give me indecision.
Do not scream I'm actually quite delicate.
I'm quiet i know, I'm shy I know, I'm little I know, I'm irresponsible I know, I'm not wonderful most of the times, I mess up intirely too often, I can't ever say what I mean to, I am nice except when it matters, I try most of the time,
i
know
Forgive my indecision.
the problem is I don't know.
Forget me.
Can I start over?
No?
Thought I would ask.
Wednesday, April 24, 2002 05:23 p.m.
Unfortunately I'm sizist, sexist, and hairest.
I am intimidated by the large, I am controlled by sex, I think my hair is superior to others.
In many ways I'm a pathetic sad person.
Wednesday, April 24, 2002 04:56 p.m.
ying and yang
thought and action
emotion and thought
chaos and order
confusion and direction
Though... I tend to use "or", unfortunately.
Tuesday, April 23, 2002 09:18 p.m.
I feel:
Dribble dribble.
So I should:
signal left, and all the way left.
Please.
Sunday, April 21, 2002 08:32 p.m.
*click *click
bu-uh-uh-uh-uh-bbli-li-li-lin'
feel the whirl/whirl/don't hurl
release
natural bonified synthetic imitation zen.
Sunday, April 21, 2002 05:12 p.m.
I know what Stonehenge was all about.
Thursday, April 18, 2002 01:32 p.m.
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