Am I not good enough?

Devolution

So, im back. The non stop suspension of classes and boredom made me return to something I missed doing. BLOGGING. Which is really healthy coz i've got a break from all my vices and whatnot. Also, I might be writing and webdesigning again. I really missed those stuff. Ok, to start off, my cousin made me do her paperwork about Devolution. It reminded me how I devolved in to a lower life form. The smart and witty me who used to write webdesign is now the irresponsible and alcoholic asshole. Sigh...I forgot about my passions...Haven't updated my stories in Candymag and DigitalPinoy. I even forgot about coding and using Photoshop. WTH is happening to me? But like what Jessica Zafra said about Devolution, eventually, after all the wrong has been done, we'll evolve into human again. Unfortunately as a human, there's some resolutions I can't keep and it would take some time for me to leave my vices... |
From my despedida to LA
So, I pursued the outing due to the insistent demand of someone and because of IT'S MAIN PURPOSE. From 20 expected friends, it was cut down to 6. No grudges, really. Coz after the despedida, I knew that we REALLY had to be that FEW to make the special moment happen. ;] As I expected, he didn't come. He was already in Cavite, friday pa lang. I didnt get depressed or anything, coz even if he was there, I knew he would never RECONCILE with me.

God made the answer to my prayers. It's definitely not HIM. Someone new. Someone who is BETTER than him.

He gave me someone who'll FIX me.

Grabe, actually, he isn't someone new. He professed his feelings to me about 2 months ago and way back then, I was slightly attracted to him. Even during my relationship with JB. But I never made him aware of what I felt because of some circumstances. I just tried to act cool about it and for me, it was nothing serious coz I know he is MORE SERIOUS with someone else. Then recently, something happened that made me admit about what I felt for him. And we suddenly became sweet to each other. Then,...I can't say anything more...Basta, all of a sudden, I F*CKING FORGOT ABOUT C******* R******* R****!!!

So, the broken me was finally fixed. He made me realized that I AM THAT GOOD. And it's Jb who's NOT GOOD ENOUGH FOR ME. He made me felt the feeling of loving and being loved. And for that, I owe him my almost-fucked-up-life. As expected, the affair was shortlived. Yes, I cried but there's no bitterness or anything of that sort.

I left the Philippines, Mar. 31,07. I didn't expected that my purpose is DONE just before I left.

So now, here I am in L.A. livin a life of a bummer.. all I do is shop,eat,net and sleep. Btw, I sleep around 2-3 am and wake up at 1230-4pm. haha. |
FUCk SOC. ARTS!
No outing. Period. I was so not in the mood today. As summer vacation approaches, Im slowly losing hope. Anyway, the only good thing that happened today is having a 27/30 in our oral defense in English…The worst thing is flunking Social Arts. Leche talaga yan si Mam. She cant even give me a specific reason why she failed me. Lagi daw akong absent. Tangina, di ko nga sya inaabsentan dahil alam kong napakaarte nya pagdating sa ganyan. Tapos sabi nya, BAKA daw lagi akong late. Tangina, kita mo yun, nanghuhula ng dahilan kung bakit ako bagsak. Leche talaga. Rumeresbak lang sya dahil lagi ko syang tinutulugan. Anyway, yun. Nahihiya na ako sa mga tao sa paligid ko. Masyado na silang nagaalala sa akin. Kung may sticker lang na smiley, ididikit ko na sa mukha ko. |
Am I not good enough?

So, im back....with my melodramatic entries about guys. I guess, I just cant take away my habit of being a martyr...Well, right now, I feel so depressed. Everyday, im carrying the guilt of making the person I love unhappy. I guess, it's everyone's fault. Their fault? they're pushing me to love someone I really never learned to love from the very start...Yea, I understand that they want the best for me, but what if I really dont love the one who is best for me and rather I really love the one who isnt worthy of my love? it's freaking hard alright...And now, I see the whole barkada torn apart because of me, and sakin napupunta lahat ng galit nya...Ang hiraphirap dfahil tuwing titignan ko sya, nakikita ko yun pagkamuhi nya sa akin mula sa kanyang mga mata. Syet, lalim...Haha...My fault? I didnt kept my promise about keeping our relationship a secret...Pero kaya ko lang naman nagawa yun kasi di ko na makayanan na secret ang relationship namin...At akala ko ipaglalaban nya ako...His fault? di nya ako pinaglaban...Why?Am I not worth fighting for? Am I not good enough? Tangina...Naalala ko nung tinanong ko sa kanya to...

Ako:Bakit ako? Di naman ako kasing tangkad ni *toot* O kasing ganda ni *toot* Di rin naman ako may ari ng computer shop tulad ni *toot* bakit ako?"

Sya:Inde ba sapat na dahilan na naging sobrang bait mo sa akin?

Ngayon alam ko na ang sagot...Di nga sapat...Di sapat na ibigay ko lahat at mahalin sya ng sobra... hay...I just missed the old Jb that I used to love. Yun Jb na bestfriend ko...The only guy who has the guts to stop me from drinking...Yun guy na nagcomfort sa akin nun mga oras that my family was starting to fall apart...Yun guy na kahit sobrang tamad, ihahatid pa ako sa paguwi at dadalhin yung gamit ko...Yun guy na pag alam na nagkamali sya, magsosorry agad...Yun kahit 3 am na, magtetext pa kung nakauwi na sya...Syet, kung mababalik ko lang yun lahat...Tangina...Nakakainis...Ngayon, sobrang depressed ko dahil wala na sya... IM sorry sa nakakagagong first entry ko for 2007, lasing e...ahahahaha...
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