does love light up your christmas tree?

happy new year
happy new year. sarah & i discussed new years resolutions.

sarah: i thought of a new years resolution.
me: to drink more?
sarah: no, to read the bible.

whoops, i was way off. to all those i hurt tonight, sorry, but i've been hurting for years... not for what you've done, but more so for what you havent.
::saturday, january 1, 2005@02:35 a.m.

shut your mouth, i just can't take it again and again and again and again...
hung out with the elster tonight. love that girl. we had more college talks and, of course, ate.

i love talking to her because she always seems to get where i'm coming from. i'm sure a lot of people are pretty pissed at me right now, but quite honestly, i don't even care anymore. i'm really tired of trying to please people. it's really not fun getting ditched by your "friends" and then having them expect me to treat them right when they don't even treat me right. i'm also tired of trying to pour my heart out to them to understand, when their only response is, "well, you do that too." that's such a tired excuse. honestly, why wait until someone confronts you about something to step up about something that's bothering you? obviously that's not the time to do it. it sucks that i feel like i can't tell people how i feel, but i've just accepted the fact that no matter what i do or say it's not gonna change anyway. treat others like you wish to be treated? fine, i'll treat people how they treat me because i'm sick of it & i'm sick of trying. i've streched & bended all i can to make people happy, but there comes a point where i just have to quit and let them do some of the gymnastics.

that's the deepness of the night. anyway, i'm off to chat with an andrew keegan lookalike that seems to have a memory problem, hahaha. goodnight!
::thursday, december 30, 2004@11:24 p.m.

one more thing...
i forgot to write about the peanut war! we went to logan's for dinner and our two booths and one table enjoyed a peanut fight. needless to say, the other people there didn't seem to enjoy it as much. it amused me, however, how trevor would catch the peanuts & then eat them.

speaking of guys i also need to add that i feel like *he's* always in the back of my mind. both nights this week that i've hung out with guys it've felt so nice & free, but then i come back down from my "happy cloud," if you will, and i feel attached. not in the sense that i'm like "ahh i need him!" but more so that i'm already taken. i don't know if that makes sense.

well, that's my deepness for the evening. bed time.
::thursday, december 30, 2004@12:34 a.m.

it's been a long december.
wheew my hair smells like smoke from the bowling alley. it's been a long day. i babysat from 10-1 (hmm she didnt pay me yet..) and then went to work from 3-7. i was supposed to work until 8 & meany michele was gonna make me stay until 8, but matt convinced her to let me go so i could go to his farewell dinner. afterwards stacey, oscar, matt, nicole, trevor, anna, lindsay, chrissy, katie, amy, & i went bowling. i came in second the first game because chrissy got a strike. aaaaw darn, but that's okay her & i were in it together. trevor sucks at bowling (see quote at the side). lindsay, katie, chrissy, and anna all left during/after the first game. then i discovered that they had dance dance revolution so OF COURSE i made trevor play with me. he picked probably about the hardest and we sucked and people were taking pictures and someone was video taping. it was kind of embarrassing to be quite honest... and i dont get embarrassed easily. then we were up for another game where oscar joined our team. i beat him by a few points. trevor cheated on that one by changing his score & he still didn't win. i'd like to note that oscar changed my name on the score board to "sexy b itch" haha. after that game we were going to leave, but trevor & i decided to play some more games. first we raced & he tried to mess up mine, but it only messed his up and i won -- waaahooo. then he decided to play some four wheeler game. when you start it says "you sit here" and "your friend sits here" so i went "can i sit on the back?!" and he said "sure!" so i got to ride on the back. what an adventure that was. eventually we fell off a wooden bridge into the water below, but before that it was all adventure. flamigos, inside valcanoes, i'll tell ya, it was quite the ride.

i have a lot of school work to get finished tomorrow including finishing like a whole book that i have to write a paper on : i don't even want to think about it. i am, however, going shopping with baby seritage at some point.

last night seritage & i hung out. it was a good time being "rebels" together ;). haha. well, i think that's all i have to say. i can't believe this week's almost over. between work & the LOAD of school work i still have to do it's barely seemed like a break, but it's been an interesting time. i can't wait to put my january layout up. g'night all!
::thursday, december 30, 2004@12:03 a.m.

baby all i do is suffer from the symptoms of you.
well, apparently not. according to my doctor i have a case of - dun dun duuuun - tonsilitis! honestly, who gets tonsilitis past the age of 10? she asked me if any of my friends had mono, no, but i did once. that got ruled out. plus, it's only my tonsils, not my whole throat like when i had mono. oy to the vey. i have these beautiful pills to take. they're yellow & red.

this may be the pill talking, but i've decided gosling is an awesome word. gosling, as in a baby goose, can also mean a "foolish or callow person" (thank you, online dictonary). you'd better believe this is my new word. don't try to steal it.

i'm exhausted & quite honestly, i have nothing deep or life changing to write about. maybe soon. until then, goodnight.
::monday, december 27, 2004@11:42 p.m.

i can breathe for the first time.
what a crazy day! first i worked for five hours and i rang the whole time. oy to the vey. then andy, zach, lindsay, and i went out to eat. after dinner, we decided to watch napoleon dynamite at lindsay's house. how crazy that one turned out!

jess from work as well as keith from valley (that really really tall basketball player that looks like andrew keegan) joined us. all was going well, until we started to get a little hyper. zach did some lip-syncing to enrique (all caught on film!), then he & keith wrestled...then i got taken out. keith grabbed my feet and i got face planted on the floor. it hurt my head. then he thought it would be really funny to tackle me to the floor and drag me around by my feet at which point zach thought it'd just be halarious to do the same to lindsay -- then they decided to race -- oh boy! not only did this happen once, but twice! then keith decided to sit on me. he's almost 7 feet tall, mind you. i believe zach started this next bit. he began chasing lindsay and tackled her to the ground and wrote with marker on her face and her stomach and her back. during this time, keith took it apon himself to pick me up and swing me around repeatidly until i was screaming that i was gonna barf. after about a minute of relaxation, i got markered. my arm says "i <3 keith" ... i look like a bathroom wall, honestly! then another race, then keith did some basketball moves on me and planted me to the couch. GOSH! so, though i cannot speak of lindsay's terror...here's a recap of mine:

-dragged around the floor for a "race" twice (we won both times, of course.)
-sat on twice.
-face planted once.
-tackled numerous times.
-spun around once (many times spun).
-written on numerous times.

though, according to keith, i'm the mean one. hmm. then they ditched us to play poker. all in all, it was a fun, painful, interesting evening. thanks lindsay, hope your rug burn is okay. my elbow hurts :( ooh, and remember, zach has a girlfriend.
::sunday, december 26, 2004@11:16 p.m.

merry christmas!
merry christmas everyone! i hope everyone got what they asked for. i got everything on my list (even though i dont really remember what was on it) except for gilmore girls season 1 because my mom could only find it one place and she said it was about 60 bucks! geeez! i told her i'd just order it. i got season 2, however.

meg & i went to church last night @ destiny. the stuff the kids did was really cute, especially when the preschoolers sang. toooo sweet! i worked yesterday, too. man-oh-man that was eventful. all i'll say is "check out the guy in the pink robe!!!!" meg & i made a resolution poster for the breakroom. it rocks my socks off. (i got a lot of socks for christmas, they're cute!)

i have to work tomorrow, too. that'll be eventful. well, i'm going to go back to doing whatever now. have a great day!
::saturday, december 25, 2004@11:03 a.m.

who can make the sunrise on a cloudy day?
well folks, tonight was my last night closing with matt. it was a sad event. well, when i stopped and thought about it it was sad, but it was probably the most fun closing ever. i'd also like to express my deepest apology to the gap staff as well as trevor for the joke chrissy & i played on him. trevor is the sweetest guy friend ever and i felt really bad, haha, but he said it would've been funny once he'd found it.

i also would like to say that adam cracks me up and i enjoy hearing deep thoughts from him & matt. guys, talking about curious george is really deep & heart warming. gosh, work just fills me with such joy and emotion. (okay, so i think this entry only really makes sense if you're a gap employee such as meg, lindsay, etc.)

on the tres amiga's journal, they voted for various things of the year. i would now like to name the #1 item of the year for me. it would have to be the GAPORY. ever since that eventful evening that meghan, lindsay, and i started the gapory, it has become a staple to our gap family. it brings us together & it is the one place where we can say, "sheldon looks like a turtle."

that reminds me, there was a drawing of a turtle on the marker board today and it said "sheldon is watching you." so many stories from tonight. hmm, okay, goodnight.
::thursday, december 23, 2004@10:55 p.m.

do you want to fall apart?
the format is a wonderful band & everyone should check them out.

yasmin sent me a christmas package! she got me a bracelet from guess which i love & made me an excellent mix. i'm listening to it right now. jammin' to a little jackson 5. ooooh baby give me one more chance. (how did she know i love this song so much? oh yeah! 'cause she's the queen of EVERYTHING!)

i'm almost finished with my christmas shopping. i cannot wait for break! eeeeekers. this is what i have planned so far: coffee or something w/ katie, who-knows-what with ellie (probably something involving eating because we love food), maybe ice skating with seritage & courtni, hopefully a bih reunion (heeellllooo!), oh there's just not enough time for everything.

my nail just broke, pooey. i need to go to walmart. yeah, i have nothing to say really. hmm. i'll write soon enough hopefully with some exciting winter break tales. who knows what the week will hold. hopefully a white christmas :)
::monday, december 20, 2004@06:59 p.m.

well you stole my heart & i'll get it back...
i haven't really written. not much has been going on lately, just work and school! i babysat anna, pj, and sam saturday night. sam can say "auddy" now, which is adorable, except when i put him to bed and he screams "auuuuuudddddyyyyyy!" over and over. anna told me they have another babysitter because "[they] have to have one next year when [i] go to college." then she paused and thoughtfully asked, "auddy, how long is college?" too sweet, gonna miss her a bunch.

i'm really behind on christmas shopping, but i don't have any time! about a week left!!! what am i going to do???? ooooy! i need to get that worked out. hm. we'll see. i have nothing else to say. oh, except congrats to my buddy brian that got in to STANDFORD...EARLY! way to go. some people are too smart. haven't heard back from either of my applied schools, but i'm sure my school has yet to send the transcripts...grrr. enough stressful talk, it's time to relax.
::tuesday, december 14, 2004@09:59 p.m.

spontaneous rose
i was just telling michelle this story & i felt like writing it in my journal because if you haven't heard it, well, you should. it reminds me of something one would read in a chicken soup book, haha, but it was sweet. michelle got into this conversation with us talking about how we love thoughtful presents where if you tell someone you just love jellybeans, that a few months later they'll remember and get you jellybeans. i then realize i'd never shared "spontaneous rose" with her, which is probably one of the sweetest things that has ever happened to me.

back in the days of 9th grade, my best friend, kat, from NJ used to come visit me. she was here over winter break and at that time i had been talking to my now-pretty-close-guy-friend sean a lot. he called one night while kat & i were in a conversation about guys. kat had mentioned that she loved guys that would do spontaneous, but sweet things just because. my example was to show up with a rose for no particular reason.

a few months later after sean & i had been dating for a little while, he came over as a routine 9th-grade-boyfriend-girlfriend movie hang out time. when he showed up at my door that night, he handed me a rose. i told him that was really sweet, but i'd completely forgotten about the conversation he'd overheard kat & i having. he reminded me about it and i'm positive that to this day it's the sweetest thing a guy has done for me. i still have the rose -- it's dried out & hanging on my bulliten board. so sean, if you ever read this (which, probably thankfully, you won't), thanks again for that.

i'll write about this evening's work adventures tomorrow maybe, if it still provides entertainment in my mind. goodnight.
::saturday, december 11, 2004@12:18 a.m.

loco ladies.
this morning i'm sitting in the cafeteria wearing my awesome "loco ladies" young life shirt, when meghan walks in wearing, well, the same exact shirt. unplanned! so later, after a short trip during newspaper, we're walking back into the school. meghan was walking infront of me and we were laughing about how dumb we must look wearing the same shirt when she said, "i love being friends with you!" i was so taken back by the comment i graciously thanked her and told her that was so sweet of her. a couple moments later, we came to the realization that i'd heard her wrong & she'd really said, "i love being twins with you!" but, alas, i still love being friends with her.
::wednesday, december 8, 2004@09:49 p.m.

i'm always stuck with these emotions.
meghan and i just had a brief discussion on how the tres amigas journal is educational to read. here now, is a brief list of things we've learned from it:
1. there are more starbucks than 7-11's in the US.
2. erin usually gets bad hair cuts.
3. just because we have a trolly, it doesn't mean we match up to san fran in any way.
there you have it, folks.

had a little lax throw-around get together today. i'm having some second thoughts about playing this year. i'm not sure how my mom felt when i told her that. hmm.

well off to lots of homework.
::wednesday, december 8, 2004@06:54 p.m.

tuesday morning in the dark
okay, first thing i need to say: if you've never heard of jessica harp go to www.jessicaharp.net (after reading this, of course) and check her out. she's been around for a while & she gets more awesome with every song she writes. i highly reccomend that you download "memphis." it's quite a touching song. plus, she's the one that's teaming up with michelle branch for a new "girl rock band" if you will. speaking of michelle branch, did you know she has nail polish now? how cool is that? oh man! i love nail polish. it comes in "breathe" and "are you happy now" ... yeah, they're named after the songs on her second album. so cool! i entered to win them, but i may just go to kohls and buy them for myself. merry christmas to me.

happy hanukkah to all my rockin' jewish friends out there. speaking of, i was just on yasmin & my pita site and we haven't written on that in soooo long... it still says im 16 on it! hopefully her and i will get that one going again. plus, it's kinda ugly, it needs some updating.

as you can see, i've added some more linkage to the left. one is for my dear friend ellie's journal who i will be eating and ice skating with (not at the same time) soon over spring break. she's my totally awesome college friend that i'm so gonna hang out with next year and watch old espides of "friends" when i (hopefully!) get into and go to the same college as her. whew. finally, there's a link to "tresamigas." this is the site to three wonderful young life interns which includes my home dawg, erin! big shout out to you, erin! she's probably one of the funniest people i've ever met. she's the queen of funny comments and is better about finding a song about everything than i am. YOU ROCK, ERIN!

i need to go do my chem take home quiz and very carefully at that, because man oh man do i need an A on that quiz :( ugggh. then i think i'll repaint my nails before watching the finale of laguna beach -- 30 minutes of uninterrupted laguna! yeaaah :) have a wonderful night.
::tuesday, december 7, 2004@06:45 p.m.

just want you here with me
okay i know i've used that grahpic before for december, but i really like it! i have a lax game today which should be exciting. "let's get our game faces on!" - ana. i still think we need to make shirts for our team. hmm maybe this week sometime. well, i really have not much to say. i need to go fold landry.
::sunday, december 5, 2004@01:11 p.m.

merry cajun chicken christmas
i decided to redo some stuff on this page. i (luckily!) found my old archives from the past two years. it's really interesting to go back and read some of the stuff. i used to write some really deep entries. i guess i just dont have it in me anymore.

i found one that i showed to sarah that i wrote two years ago about, well, a year after the fact. it's a little ironic because i wrote, "so much has happened in that year between us. good, bad, crazy, unexpected...it's been everything." the irony of the situation is that it still has been everything & after all this time i still don't know how i feel or how i should feel. as hard as i try to get myself away from it all, it's always still there and i always fall back to it. something that was said (last year i believe it was), which i won't write here, echos over and over again and everytime more truer than the last. it's such a hard thing to explain because it something that has to be experienced to understand i guess.

work was a bitch tonight. tara & i spent two hours on the denim wall, except she rang a lot so mostly it was me. then i got sent to girls where no one had been the whole time. i was very ready to come home. at least allie and i had a great time stalking brandon. what a hottie ; ) (yeah yeah, it's all a big joke. i have no idea why we started that. we're such freaks.) i also enjoyed lindsay's singing and talking over the headsets in weird voices.

last night was great. seritage, meg & i went to lindsay's for a girls night. we ended up having a dance/singing party since blockbuster gave us the wrong video. thus, cajun chicken christmas was born. okay, i think i'm going to go try to find a picture to make a graphic for this thing so it won't be boring all month long. more soon.
::saturday, december 4, 2004@11:25 p.m.