December 5, 2009 Saturday

MUSIC: Horchata - Vampire Weekend |BOOK: White Oleander - . Fitch | KOI: ...

THE CHRISTMAS 09 WISHLIST

★ The holidays! I enjoy the whole hustle-and-bustle of the holidays with the appearance of fairy lights and a sense of magic in the chilly December air; even those things just take away the prospect of the holidays being difficult at the same time, with all the pressure and insane expectations you’re getting (the endless parties, the gift buying process). But of course being distracted with the glimmering fairy lights doesn’t take away the actual process of preparing for the holidays, one of which is buying presents. In my experience (well, right now for example) I find it so difficult to find and choose gifts for people since these days, most would buy for themselves what they really need. Usually, you find yourself scuttle around for a gift and end up buying and giving them really crappy miscellaneous things or what-knot rubbish that would probably end up in the depths of their cabinets, never to see the light of day again. As I write this, I’m wrestling on a few options I’m going to give to this chic at my class whom I know nothing about—I have until tomorrow morning since there’s no other free time to buy presents.

★ Also… I’ve been finalizing my wish list this holiday season. Of course, it’ll be totally nice to get them all, but you know how it is with the country being in recession since forever and I’m up against my impulse buying which I have to control just before I spend money that’s reserved for my wish list.

BOOKS
★ The Sandman Chronicles by Neil Gaiman: Preludes & Nocturnes | Dream Country | Fables & Reflections | Brief Lives

★ Vladimir Nabokov: Laughter in the Dark | King, Queen, Knave

★ J.D Salinger: Franny & Zooey

★ John Steinback: East of Eden

★ Arthur Clarke: Childhood's End
I know I stil have a lot more on my list. Hmm... Probably next time.

MISCELLANEOUS
★ MUSE's The Resistance album CD + DVD (The Making of the Resistance). Ugh, I'm so dissapointed that Fully Booked doesn't have the one with the bonus DVD! They only have the audio CD album :c But still!
★ A dress! Believe it or not, I actually want to buy a dress for myself! It could be a simple yet versatile day dress. Hopefully I find something similar to ones that Modcloth sells because their dresses are the type that I can actually wear or rather, would love to wear!
★ Ankh accessories: I’m on the prowl for awesome ankh necklaces, chokers or earrings.
★ The Face Shop nail polishes: because they seriously have a nice selection of nail colors!
★ The blue bag from Accessorize!
★ Those awesome Union Jack shopping bags from Accessorize! Hopefully their branch at Robinson's Galeria re-stocks! :c
★ Cocktail rings that make a statement!
★ Watch Lockets~! And the best thing is Greenhills sells them! 8D

★ I'm in such an good mood today. Maam TJ saw my drawings and told me it was really nice. Awesome, simply awesome. HUUUZAAAH. Now let's have some Los Campesinos as a musical supplement for this good mood! If I was a sound right now, I'd sound like this :D

December 3, 2009 Thursday

MUSIC: Two More Years - Bloc Party |BOOK: White Oleander - . Fitch | KOI: ...

MORPHEUS DELIVERS ALEX S. FOR ONE SULLEN R

★ December: The mornings are getting colder. In this event of a perfect weather, I’m rather glad of time well spent with Alexander. I’ve never felt this extreme fondness that it felt so alien.

★ Then you wake up to a new day and realize that there are just some things you can’t take with you. Everything from that moment, everything has been done and felt and I’ve practically written about it. Even if this happens again like that, it won’t happen like that. And this slice-of-life thing made me remember that sometimes good things come to us in such a quiet fashion and nothing comes complete.

★ Oh Morpheus, you and the fragments you give me. No wonder girls loathe you.

DREAM(E)SCAPES

★ From a deep sleep last night with queer dreams to today’s unproductive episode of school, I sit here, warm, drowsy, writing and collecting thoughts, trying to build up a calm center. It’s been more than two weeks of this feeling of lucid dreaming; the feeling that this state where I feel vacuous yet tired at the same time has been taking a consistent pattern and which got worse since I started on my graveyard duty. Too tired for saving some humor mostly, too downed and doused in my vital quick; if there are moments of that vitality, it’s either I’m completely unaware of myself and have gibberish falling out from my mouth. I try not to be melodramatic and draw to distract myself though I feel my art comes off to restrictive and frigid. My lines lack spontaneity and the eyes of my characters are simply just… eyes on a paper; they no longer look back at you with pregnant meanings and possible shit I may want to convey.

★ Yesterday I remember clearly: my friend Don tagged along with me in my random pursuit of something I’ve yet to find (energy? Can I just be an energy vampire of sorts?). He was so patient—he endured wasted minutes of me wrestling with my pleasure principle of impulse buying. We shared some laughs and weirdness as usual and him convincing me to not set my sights on his woman (the whimsy Zooey D.) There’s been a considerable need for me to walk, walk, walk, on concrete, on dirty road—wherever, I just need to walk and walk. Immersing myself in the company people, in the afternoon sky with a lurid orange glare, the grass, the passing cars, books I pine for, coffee I crave, in Palahniuk’s books—it helps me cope with my inability to get up, save and conserve knowledge, wisdom, insights, tastes and smells for the virginal paper I’ve to draw and write on and wrestle on the meaning of my existence and faces, abstractions and masks of every day life. In short, I’m in a creative slump yet again. This is frightening: it happens too frequently lately and lasts in extensive periods. I feel I need Maenad for a desperate high I crave or simply helpings of brandy (which we don’t have at the moment unfortunately).

★ I shall NOT slip into melodrama; even a sick despairing raging misery I’d rather feel than this. I wish I was in Mr. Whittier’s “writer’s retreat” at the moment because the array of emotions are bursting at the seams in there and you get to experience epic cult-following worthy scenarios like eating someone’s penis because of starvation, eating it uncooked and choking on it and you die and instant rigor mortis (this is from Chuck Palahniuk’s novel Haunted, btw which I LOVE LOVE LOVE and would probably review soon). Join me in a slight episode of melancholia as we listen to one of my favorite songs (in my opinion one of the best songs of the decade) by one of my favorite bands EVER!

★ "TWO MORE YEARS, MY SWEETHEART" sabi ni Kele. Two more years na lang!

November 29, 2009 Sunday

MUSIC: Sweet Disposition - Temper Trap |BOOK: Haunted - C. palahniuk | KOI: ...

PLAYLIST: THE ARISFAELLE MIX

★ How can I (with my inordinate lesbian tendencies) resist a girleen of 16 years with porcelain skin that pales further against the blackness of her wavy hair that curls at the ends and possesses huge purple eyes framed by thick bangs? Full lips adorned the heart-shaped face that held but a vacuous gaze; a face of a doll: bereft of emotion. In that state, she was being held by a young man with his face buried in her turbulent hair. His steel eyes, gray and cold as the winter mist permeate you by a single glare as his lips travel along the bony crevasses of her neck and shoulders, urging you to look yet he controls the scene. He moves himself and her, keeping the shadows of their bodies deep… deep as the mystery his persona posed and the contour of his lips caught in a beautiful chiaroscuro. He breaks into fragments, his body reduced to dust and reveals her own lithe body curiously bandaged but she smiles so wide that the lines on her face seem to cut deep.

★ And she comes to you, the smell of honey and vanilla masks a metallic scent and she says in a breathless voice for you to lend her your heart, that sweeping lilting muscle. You stand and she scratches at your breast bone where it begins to feel numb, the fingers piercing and titling inwards to muscle wrapped chambers. ‘An unhealthy meat’ she says and you feel it, pulsating and being gripped. ‘Give it to me! This is your surrendering hold’ she mouths and you want to kissthe ancient heart holds the swarming of feelings, the sound tattered wings, the sound of waters turning, brimming sorrow that even in the earth you could taste it. ‘Teach me to take it in, this, what life throws, it has been robbed from me by the truth—the coil of betrayal’ you feel her tongue run against your heart.

★ Silt, blood, bone and love.

★ Arisfaelle one of the three personas of a young woman in a private struggle to ‘becoming’. She is the one who has made for herself a safe ‘shell’ out of being the sweet, polite, obedient girl. She is the ingénue who wants to break free from her bonds, in her secret heart. Being reduced to a mere offspring of the structures, institutions, society—one that is simply sheltered and fed and fussed about—not as someone to be “nurtured” which wants, has caused her extreme distaste of her bottle-capped existence. This Arisfaelle has ventured into her own Individualization and not merely retreating to the comforting recesses in the attic of her mind, where she can dream of an ocean of possibilities.

★ If you kiss her, remember her older brother has claimed those lips and her skin before any one else’s (and probably hound you to the ends of the earth if you touch her). When she guides your hands to unbind her constricting corset, you’ll feast on the marks of rebellion, sorrow, alienation, violence, passion and revelry. If smell her, she reeks of oil paint and turpentine from her long hours of feverish painting of her well-chronicled descent into the womb of change, where she marinates in thoughts possibilities and love and shape-shifting. When she smiles at you, look back—behind you is her lover, an older man she met at the Academy—one she pines for, the anti-Sedex (“old man”, representation of the repressive institutions and authority figures), the one she loves.

★ These are here songs—they sound of what she’d feel like, of a day in her life... it sounds of what her story (so far) is.

November 25, 2009 Wednesday

MUSIC: Vanilla Twilight - Owl City |BOOK: White Oleander - J. Fitch | KOI: ...

The Proust Questionnaire

I would love to live in a place with streets like this | Image via TUMBLR
★ The Proust Questionnaire is a questionnaire about one’s personality. Its name and modern popularity as a form of interview is owed to the responses given by the French writer Marcel Proust.

★ What do you regard as the lowest depth of misery?
that would be my lack of freedom and all my creative outlets being blocked.

★ Where would you like to live?
one day i'd like to live somewhere not so... urban. the city would still be accessible but not exactly part of it. like one of those countrysides in Tuscany. the alternative would be places with breath taking classical architecture.

★ What is your idea of earthly happiness?
that's being able to create something and to happily share it.

★ To what faults do you feel most indulgent?
procrastination, oh yes.

★ READ THE REST OF THE QUESTIONNAIRE HERE

★ And now since the questions are over, hopefully I find an alternative to this delicious thing to satisfy my chocolate cravings!

November 22, 2009 Sunday

MUSIC: Revolution - The Beatles |BOOK: White Oleander - J. Fitch | KOI: ...

ANIME FOR MY DIARRHEA

★ Haven’t been blogging much! Disaster struck me last Friday: having downloaded too many dairy products (milk, cheese, milk, cheese, the endless cycle—don’t forget the heavy cream and ice creams) and probably some badly cooked French fries from the street stalls—going straight to my stomach. This caused the most terrible nuclear reaction I have experienced in the longest time! It seemed like I was loosing more than I should and Gatorade alone can’t replenish my fluid losses, this led to a fever and an unexpected IV line to be reinserted to me. I managed to attend the wedding but couldn’t muster a true smile because I was so busy controlling my stomach from rumbling and from my untimely bowel movements (excuse me)! Bad water work definitely! This cost me 2 school days unfortunately—BOO!

★ This untimely misfortune *lone wolf howling* now limits me from eating dairy products – cheeses, cream, milk; beef and too much carbs or anything heavy or difficult to digest for that matter until my digestion is back into it’s normal mode. Unfortunately; which means no pizza, pasta or yummy beef stuff for me! AGHAST! THE PAIN!

★ The good thing is I lost unnecessary water weight. And this means that most of my body “fat” is actually just water. WHY????

★ While I gloat in massive envy because people around me are enjoy the good stuff that is pasta Bolognese, join me in my pitiful state as I have my happy dose wonderful, wonderful anime to be the balm to my misery.

★ Michiru & Haruka Moments in Sailor Moon Sailor Stars: BEST ANIME COUPLE EVER , if not the best homosexual couple ever. I swear they’re a canon pair! Thank gods the Tagalog dubbed series provided me with a decent set of dialogues so I’m able to have a good transition from their “special platonic” relationship to the actual “lovers” relationship they actually have.

★ Asuka Mind Rape: The scene where the Angel Leliel mind rapes my chick and as a 9 year old kid you watch this episode and you sorta get an idea which anime character who you will consider as your role model. I love her even if she’s one crazy (hot) bitch. Don’t get me started on her relationship with Shinji!

★ Evangelion Unit 1.0 Berserker: this beast shall sit atop my desk along with the Mass Production Evangelion and they will make sweet music together! Holiday gift for me! WOHOO!

November 14, 2009 Saturday

MUSIC: Plastic Jungle - Mike Snow |BOOK: White Oleander - J. Fitch | KOI: ...

BACK TO ACADEMIA MIX

★ The start of this semester feels so fresh and different; probably because you get to feel more of that change when you spend your first three days of school in the clinical area and not inside the classroom and once you’re inside those four walls there’s a strange comforting, familiar feeling to it that seems to swallow you up. And knowing how I’m not the biggest fan of boredom and repetition, I love change. Change is all about bringing energy in and I do welcome energy with a kind of unabashed happiness. As much as I dreaded the coming of this new semester considering a new set of hospital duties, new professor which I may or may not have encountered (some I do not wish to further encounter)… So much anxiety and promise all at once and here comes the change, the switch of it all!

★ A change not only in habits but also moods and attitude; a change of place and pace. Here we go again: surrounded by schedules, alarm clocks, bottomless coffees, the panic, weekend escapes and sleeping in whenever you have a chance—not merely being taken for granted during our summer and sem breaks but it’s status more of a longed for luxury! Plans are scribbled in with multicolored pens and to do lists crossed off; a fresh new notebook with it’s virginal pristine pages being sullied by multi-colored pens, that particular glorious sound of ink pen tips scratching against the paper by the frantic writer, lectures with us sleep deprived students, impatient sighs, doodling, stack of books and references that encourage academic yearnings… For me there was always something about the start of the new semester at school, despite the years and years of the same new beginning that, still, refreshes, stimulates and inspires me. (YES! I can't believe I actually said that but I did and I do feel so~)

★ I LOVE looking at Shoujo’s hands. They give me a strange sense of calm and they’re such a classy pair of hands, considering she’s in that field of work.

★ I bring you a glimpse of my favorite music I pooled straight from my iTunes to give you the obligatory “Break’s-Out-Back-to-College” Playlist Here’s to a new batch of new college experiences which matters most to us students: daydreaming during class, sleeping through class and probably drinking while not in class—to name a few of those all-too-important experiences. But of course how can I not forget an important lesson, one that cannot be recited simply from a textbook. School may suck sometimes but it is ultimately a rewarding time of self-discovery (and the 11 songs featured seem to echo it in one way or another). Enjoy and tell me what you think!

★ P.S. I LOVE this playlist since all of the songs here are practically my favorite and have been playing on constant repeat a few days before school started last Monday. I’m beginning to have a fixation for Vampire Weekend and Justice!

WHITE OLEANDER LOVE

"Always learn poems by heart. They have to become the marrow in your bones. Like fluoride in the water, they'll make your soul impervious to the world's soft decay." - Ingrid Magnussen to Astrid; White Oleander by Janet Fitch

"I regret nothing. No woman with any self-respect would have done less. The question of good and evil will always be one of philosophy's most intriguing problems, up there with the problem of existence itself. I'm not quarreling with your choice of issues, only with your intellectually diminished approach. If evil means to be self-motivated, to live on one's own terms, then every artist, every thinker, every original mind, is evil. Because we dare to look through our own eyes rather than mouth cliches lent us from the so-called Fathers. To dare to see is to steal fire from the Gods. This is mankind's destiny, the engine which fuels us as a race. " - Ingrid Magnussen; White Oleander by Janet Fitch

November 13, 2009 Friday

MUSIC: Undisclosed Desires - Muse |BOOK: Haunted - C. Palahnuik | KOI: ...

WHAT TAROT CARD RESEMBLES YOU?

Your result for The What tarot card resembles you Test...

The Star

You scored 61 change, 65 wellbeing, 80 wisdom, and 57 truth

The woman in this card represents the subconscious mind gathering knowledge from the universal subconscious and pouring it over humanity. The right leg that supports her weight is bent in a 90degree angle suggesting that all will be learned if you search in the right places, with her foot resting in the pool of knowledge. The left hand pours the waters over the land and it disburses into 5 separate streams representing the 5 natural senses of man.

some extra words:

regaining hope
having faith in the future
thinking positively
believing
counting your blessings
seeing the light at the end of the tunnel
feeling great expectation
looking forward to success
READ MORE HERE

Take The What tarot card resembles you Test at HelloQuizzy

November 9, 2009 Monday

MUSIC: Gravity - Sara Bareilles |BOOK: Haunted - C. Palahnuik | KOI: ...

OH WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU MONDAY MONDAY MONDAY

★ I am back in my home and most importantly in my bed—I stretched the keyboard cord enough to make it reach my bed—and here I am, languorously typing unorganized thoughts away not-so-anonymously in the bowels of the interweb. Currently I’m sharing the bed with:

★ My recently bought soft bound copy of Janet Fitch’s “White Oleander”
★ “Haunted” by Chuck Palahnuik, courtesy of this wonderful individual, which read when I’m not reading “White Oleander”
★ Fat Looey, my fat stuffed cow of a son
★ Teedoy, my 19 year old bear
★ The tattered and dirty cap case
★ A plate of a half-eaten slice of Mango-Chocolate Graham cake
★ A Blue Ray copy of Kingdom of Heaven—nom nom nom Edward Norton nom nom nom Eva Green nom nom
★ My drawing book
★Littman stethoscope

★ For some reason, MCMC still isn’t done with our cluster and the “services” we so happily render in their institution that for our first hospital duty for the second semester, we were there a little while ago in the emergency room (yet again up until next week). The gods blessed us with Ma’am Vangie as our instructor (again!) and hysterical situations that demanded our strength (literally), patience and good graces when pinning down someone with a seizure. Oh the experience of blood and choking on your dentures! Other than that, today was highlighted with a fantastic pain in the guttiwuts—no, uh, not exactly there but you know how it is for girls when it’s that time of the month and when hormones go crazy and you bleed brightly as Little Red’s coat. THE PAIN! The excruciating bleeding ripping irregular pain of being a female! This pain and of course the different kinda pain when you find out your thighs expanded when you put on your duty dress. Fuck.

★ My dream for today was all my teeth fell off. It started out with my front tooth and it was wiggling loose and I pulled it gently. After that the rest started to move and feel loose and I pulled off another and another. It was just then they that all became loose with all the gaps and all of the remaining teeth I have, free from being bound in my gums, just gathered in my mouth. It felt like eating ice cubes of that size, making the noise “krghhh” “krghhh” as I moved my mouth. Weird. Morpheus! What the hell are you trying to tell me? Is someone going to die again?

ORGASM

Image via HERE
★OMG OMG OMG OMG THESE BOOKS! AND THEY ARE AVAILABLE IN FULLY BOOKED SERENDRA HOMG! Definitely in the zone of book orgasm right now and I do not want to be taken away from it! Looking at these limited editions from Weidenfeld & Nicolson sends me the craziest tingling sensation in my fingers and makes the side of my mouth turn and twitch at the prettiness of it! Ahhh, I die of mad longing for these! The design concept of the whole anniversary set is impressive, which could rival my personal favorite Penguin’s book design concepts. Just looking at their edition of V.N’s “Lolita” makes my heart flutter~

Would some please buy me this? 8D

★ Things I’ll only ever need in my life = drinking water + books + anime + manga + black ink pen + air in my lungs + The Body Shop lip balm + my iPod. Buying me books (especially since the holidays are coming *hint*hint*hint*) is a sure fire way for me to love you and kiss your hands—but if you think that disgusting, then let’s settle for guaranteed massive sweetness (and surprise ‘mini presents’) coming from me for a long while.

★ P.S. DON! YOU BASTARD, where the fuck is your blog? And you supposedly still owe me a playlist, damn you. You haven’t heard the last from me! I FILL FIND YOU (AND YOUR BLOG) AND EAT YOUR FIRST BORN CHILDDDDD!!!! HUZZZZAAAHRAWWWWHR!

November 7, 2009 Saturday

MUSIC: The last Resort - The Dead 60s |BOOK: Haunted - C. Palahnuik | KOI: ...

WHICH LITERARY CHARACTER ARE YOU?

Your result for The Literary Character Test...

Brigid O'Shaughnessey
Dark, Human, Side Thinker

You are dark. While not necessarily evil, your choices in life are fueled by darker and more negative motives. You recognize your human weaknesses and imperfections, and are able to respond to them in well balanced ways. You are clever and analytical. You think about various angles of something, and you calculate the best way to achieve goals.

The original femme fatale, Brigid, or by any other name she may concoct, is a dame with little but bad intentions. She's after the Maltese Falcon, and can go after it along with all the big boys, even going so far as murder. Besides any fatal means, she also uses her feminine wiles to make her way to her prize. Quick and clever, she nonetheless must learn crime never pays.

Take The Literary Character Test at HelloQuizzy

A WEEKEND

★ If you’re Riza, you’re most likely to spend your weekends off:

★ Thinking about people from another part of the world who doesn’t know you even exist but you still reach out and get in touch with them for them to know that somewhere, out there in a least expected place they are loved and appreciated immensely. A perfect example would be my daily messages to Muse in their official website.
★ Getting a headache because of the heat but still going out for an outdoor stroll—no, not simply a ‘stroll’ but a trip to the mall for professional window shopping. It can’t be helped.
★ Frantically searching the internet for new music as if your life depended on it (well, it does actually).
★ Researching about the pros and cons of a certain make up and certain make up brands and keeping them in mind for your next purchase of make up. I know right?
★ Doing frustrating (and painful) upper arm exercises because you have apparently grown some flab/ chicken wings that are stubbornly too… flabby? UGH! THEY SIMPLY WONT GO AWAY!
★ Doing a puppet show with my younger brother using the plethora of stuff toys I have lying around my room and making them talk using words like “fuck”, “suck”, “bitch”, “cunt” and “shongkang”.
★ Thinking about Alexander Skarsgaard and watching episode 10 of True Blood season 2 for the nth time.
★ Putting plastic covers on the books I haven’t covered yet and ironing the books with the plastic till they’re crisp to perfection.
★ Texting mother “Mom, I’m so sorry I’m delayed in going home but I’m on my way now, don’t worry” when you’re actually still stuck wherever you are and don’t go home after 15 minutes later.

November 6, 2009 Friday

MUSIC: You're Not The Law - The Dead 60s |BOOK: Haunted - C. Palahnuik | KOI: ...

110309: SPLURGE!

★ I’m officially enrolled for the second semester of the school year 2009-2010! I thought I’d never be enrolled since I have a few… problems but I was cleared! CLEARED, I SAY! I was feeling a bit hyped up and the itch in my feet to head some place else kicked in and I pulled some friends to spend the day with me since it we finished early.

★ What ensued was: car rides with R.A + R.A and I killing precious time at High Street, the Fort + breakfast with R.A + deliberating whether it’s practical to buy a David and Goliath shirt (I mean 995 for 1 shirt? WTF?) and deciding not to + me shopping for goodies at the Face Shop + shopping at Backstage + late lunch with R.A + driving to Robinson’s Galeria to meet Peps and Lala + early dinner + Lala’s condo + watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall featuring hot Mila Kunis rawr~ + a little more shopping at 50th Avenue + home

★ It was a massive splurge day and it didn’t do anything to help with my waistline. I spent on a lot of thing, which I shouldn’t have since it was left over money from my tuition fee and I was supposed to return it to my mother later that day.

ABEEH'S PLACE

★ I have returned from my captor’s (Abbie’s) place after staying there for a few days. VE VE VE VE VEHH~ 8D It was the traditional sleep over which consisted of:

★ Movies: Oh the blundering, fucking failure that was November 4th! We were so hyped up for some Inglorious Basterds premiere at the local theaters because it’s a Tarantino and it’s about random lulz (well, not exactly random) about Nazis. But no! We ventured to Robinson’s Galeria and it was not showing and we opted for Shangri-la but it wasn’t also showing! The tarps said November 4th! There was even an advance screening of it on the 3rd! We asked the kind ticket sellers and much to our dismay they heard t was slated to be released NEXT YEAR! I mean, WTF? THE TARPS, THE ADVERTISEMENTS LIE! OH HOW THEY LIED!

We sulked and decided to watch 500 Days of Summer. At the end of it, we loved it massively but it was so bittersweet that we can’t get over how Tom and Summer didn’t really end up together and how Tom’s depression actually loomed in on us. So in the end we were giddy but mostly sulky about Summer and Tom and the inflicted pain of the supposedly Inglorious Basterds premiere.

At home we watched: Dead Snow about rabid undead Nazi soldiers in the snowing mountains of Sweden, A Clockwork Orange because Abbie has to see it! And a little trip to Metrowalk resulted in Paranormal Activity, which creeped us out but didn’t give us much of the heebeegeebies that would last forever. We got the one with the theatrical end—BOO! What a climax killer that was.

★ SRS BZNZ: We are still teenagers going through this awkward thing called life which always comes with bruises and many gashes here and there and stories to share to each other. Because we bond like that :)

★FOOD: SO MUCH OF IT! I can’t remember exactly all the boxes of chocolates and other dishes served for the happiness of our guttiwtutts but I have to say that Meiji chocolates and the Japanese fruit Kaki doesn’t disappoint! NOMNOMNOMNOM~!

★ ANIME: IT DOESN’T GO MISSING EVER. Yay for Axis Powers Hetalia (which is practically like a cult; Abbie and I are such intense followers of this along with people across the globe even making musicals out of it) and Tagalog dubbed Gundam 00 openings—or not. The Tagalog dubbed Gundam 00, I mean. And just to say, YOU MANGA AND ANIME ARTISTS AND GASHAPON AND ANIME MERCHANDISERS OUT OF THERE! Pay homage to Abbie because she gives you guys hard earned cash to keep your work and masterpieces alive and circulating! Spending thousands and thousands of pesos on your goods is a HUGE HUGE deal!

★ JAPAN: we have a dream that we will rape clean of Japan of our beloved anime and girly things like awesome glittery nail polishes with awesome colors and stars and accessories and clothes. And meiji chocolate and sea salt ice cream!

November 2, 2009 Monday

MUSIC: A-Punk - Vampire Weekend |BOOK: Haunted - C. Palahnuik | KOI: ...

MIXES: JEUNE FILLE TO HERR STFN

★ This is the first of the many actual mixes and playlists I would be constructing. I just realized I SHOULD start making mixes/ mixtapes now. It’s a totally legit art form, a freedom of expression, practically a cultural love letter! There’s something inexplicably wonderful about the whole process of it: re-sequencing music to make sense of our often stubbornly inexpressible emotions. Making mixes for a whole spectrum of things—friendship, romance, sex, being drunk, crashing your car, a hang over and a whole other lot. It’s a rather brilliant way to express and explain yourself to others and even to yourself. This could probably be as therapeutic and fun for me as my drawing.

★ This mix came about because I was rummaging through my old high school journals last night and for R, high school = Herr STFN (pronounced as ‘Stephen’, it has nothing to do with initials). There was a plethora of songs I listed for each significant entry for every encounter with him at the school hallways.

★ So here's to that person, his books, his chalk laden hands, our laughter, his riddles; him telling me to seek knowledge, possibility, to keeping my spirit free, my heart open, to admit mistakes, to awaken brilliance in ordinary moments. It was so raw and unguarded then. These were all the music I was listening to years during that time (except the additional new releases since 2006). So darn nostalgic it makes me have fits of giggles. Seriously.

★ Each track is arranged in a certain manner because it tells a story, a transition of sorts. The I personally love the track Isang Dangkal by one of my favorite Filipino bands Paramita, I always find myself in a giggle fit because it just epitomizes... it haha! I mean, imagine me saying those things! haha nevermind. So turn up your volumes and listen to these 18 tracks and partake of my deep, burning utterly desperate vying and longing (then). I rather like it. Now if I was to give this to the person in question, hmm... That would be so weird haha.

November 1, 2009 Sunday

MUSIC: Ottoman - Vampire Weekend |BOOK: Haunted - C. Palahnuik | KOI: ...

MOVIE: THE MACHINIST

★ Watching Brad Anderson’s The Machinist (2004) for the second time was great (two days I go). The last time I watched it was back in 2005 and since it’s been that long, it really helped me appreciate the film as if I was watching it only for the first time. It helped me get into the feelings of confusion to surprise especially during the later parts of the movie, which is superb. It’s a strange film about a machine shop operator Trevor Reznik (played wonderfully by Christian Bale) who suffers from chronic insomnia (hasn’t slept for over a year for a reason the film doesn’t immediately disclose) and he begins seeing an odd co-worker, who makes it a point to catch his attention at crucial moments and this places our protagonist in situations that doesn’t favor him, usually in the form of accidents where Trevor is put on the spot as the source of it. Bummer huh?

★ The film has a dream like quality to it (I actually felt like I was half-asleep during the course of the movie) from the quick editing cuts of one scene to another to the visual telling of the story itself. The beginning of the film shows Trevor carrying a body wrapped in a carpet and he goes to the quarry to dump it. He is however interrupted by a watchman carrying a flashlight. Just as we see the carpet rolling out of sight, the scene shifts to the flashlight being flashed in front of Trevor’s face and we hear the watchman as him “WHO ARE YOU”—the central question of the movie. It is this question, presented also in the manner of a hangman game placed on Post Its, that we discover who Trevor and the odd co-worker is. Like I said, the visual feel of the movie contributes to the atmosphere the story presents: it is washed out in tones of blue and grey and that permeates the whole movie and the uses of the color of red adds an eerie quality that compliments the images of the machine shop, pit machines, weird post it notes and the blood leaking from the ref. Of course, who can forget the cadaverous figure of Christian Bale he achieved to get into the character of Reznik? I know I can't and that was creepy but in an epic, jaw dropping kinda way. As some of you may know, I’m totally creeped out by spinal bones sticking out on our backs like that whenever we bend forward, especially thin people (this I attribute to my ‘traumatizing’ situations with bones—my scoliosis, I broke my arm bones twice). There was a scene where Christian bale was bending forward, sitting on the bathroom floor and it was a top view I could see those horrid bony prominences of his vertebrae. It was the only scene I ever felt nauseated. But the rest of his bony prominences, such as the ones in the ribs, clavicles and pelvic area, I don’t mind poking.

★ And you now I love Christian Bale~ 8D I mean, he's the man responsible for bringing the impressive lead characters of American Psycho, Equilibrium, The Prestige and Rescue Dawn to life—all of which I love and he delivered a laudable performance considering how different each character is from the next. And now the Machinist... I love, love the movie~! It sends me the right amount of the creepies especially during this month. On a personal note, I’ve always wondered why hasn’t he won an Oscar yet and gods, considering these roles? Hmm… But that comment I’ll be saving for another entry or would just remain stuck in the recesses of my mind. But seriously, WHY?

THE PATH OF GIRLY-NESS: THE UNIVERSE OF PRIMP-AND-POLISH-AND-PRIMP

★ Manila weather is so bipolar. Today is one of the bad sides of Manila weather: being extremely dry, humid and callous and it is annoyingly persistent. And I HATE commuting on sweaty days like this.

★ Imagine me, awkwardly going around the Beauty section of the department store, squinting at the severe bright lights at the beauty counter of each make up stand I hopped by. I, the space traveler, braved to travel in the treacherous area where no geek-scruffy looking-tomboy girls like me have never gone before! The Universe of Primp-Polish-and-Primp: THE MAKE UP DEPARTMENT! DUNDUNDUN! I’ve always been intimidated by make up and find the process of buying it as dragging confusion (compared to clothes shopping). There’s always a lot to choose from and you won’t know if you’ll break out from them and have allergies. I settle for hand me downs by the older female authorities in my family and the convenient lip balm with a slight tint and pressed powders, which I myself have tried and tested. Today was a break through: I spent my money on my first ever ‘beauty haul’. Why ‘beauty haul’? It’s the first time I ever emerged from shopping with my purchases mostly consisting of make-up! Technically I bought the ‘essentials’: foundation, concealer, blush, a blush brush, lip sticks, eye shadows—choices which are unfamiliar and remotely different. And you know, people do actually talk about make up in the internet—not simply product reviews but in forums dedicated to make up, which provided me an extensive and comprehensive reference material when I didn’t have an idea on what appropriate make up I should purchase. HAH I KNOW RIGHT? What rock have I been hiding under all this time? YES!!! RIZA IS ACTUALLY A GIRL NOT A TEENAGE BOY PARADING WITH A WIG AND A-CUP SIZE BOOBS!!! (sorry preteen girls~)!

★ OMG I LOVE YOU NATIONAL BOOKSTORE~! They have Vintage International editions of Vladimir Nabokov’s works! I made up my mind purchasing Pullman’s ‘His Dark Materials’ books today and then I saw the bottom shelf dedicated to the ‘literary winners’ and lo and behold! Vintage International soft bound editions of King, Queen, Knave; Pale fire; the Gift; V.N’s sort story collection; the Eye and others! My ecstatic glee because I haven’t seen an extensive selection of his works available for purchase in a while (Fully Booked has been short on his works, hmph!). The funny thing was I emerged from the bookstore purchasing a Haruki Murakami and a big softbound copy of White Oleander by Janet Fitch! So much for making lists ahead of my purchases, I completely deviated from it. But hey I still have a few hundreds more to spare so I can buy 500+ worth of a copy of V.N’s! *u* i can't wait, wait, waaaaiiiit!

★ My mother doesn’t want me to loose my skinny jeans—she says I look good in them and so comfortable and so ‘me’—but she emphasized her happiness to see me in a dress, every once in a while and that doesn’t include special occasions like semi-formal birthdays or weddings, the only events I wear dresses ever. I was watching my DVDs of Gossip Girl and she said I thinks my inner girl has a fashion statement like Blair Waldorf’s and she points to Blair making her way at the school grounds in her trademark posh version of their school uniform (which I love but that is a totally different look for me). Oh mother, whyyyyy? I would not comfortably get into a dress to go to Church (yes a fact: I go to church! But really there is no contest here: aliens > God) without giving a few thrashings!

October 31, 2009 Saturday

MUSIC: We're Number 1 - the World Record |BOOK: Middlesex - J.Eugenides | KOI: ...

SAMHAIN

“Happy Halloween children!”

or more appropriately since ‘Halloween’ is the replaced term for the original festival of the souls, let’s say “HAPPY SAMHAIN!” (pronounced as Sah-ween). This day (I’m looking at it in the original Celtic tradition) marks the beginning and the ending of the eternal cycle and the souls of our dead are able to mingle with us once again.

Today was spent appropriately in terms of ‘Halloween’ by spending it with Jerich (and his family especially his adorable cousins in their costumes) with cookies, Chinese food (on Halloween, I know and they’re not even Chinese) and candies of course. He gave me a Samhain present which is a book and of course conversations about supernatural beings (oh the usuals: vampires, werewolves, shape shifters, ghosts, angels, gods, fallen angels and demons) followed. I discovered his parents also watch True Blood, his young adorable cousins are young occultists – well technically, they are getting familiar with occult and esoteric knowledge at such a good age (pre-teens) and his village is such a good place for walking. And… there’s this book which I’m going to read there every time I pass by their place (which is very near ours). Brilliant!

October 30, 2009 Friday

MUSIC: We're Number 1 - the World Record |BOOK: Middlesex - J.Eugenides | KOI: ...

JOSEPH GORDON LEVITT & ZOOEY DESCHANEL

★ I’m terribly excited to watch 500 Days of Summer and it features my one of my favorite girls (and girl crush) out there Zooey Deschanel and the infallibly adorable Joseph Gordon Levitt (you might remember him as the adorable Cameron from the movie 10 Things I Hate About You). For the mean time since I’m still waiting for another opportunity to go to the cinemas, I’m sharing this music video where the couple dances to the music of She & Him (Zooey Deschanel’s band alongside M. Ward) with the song “Why Do You Let Me Stay Here”. While your at it, check out their songs. I personally recommend She and Him's songs :)

★ Word of caution though: watch out for immense cuteness! Gods, their on screen chemistry is the best there is, believe me. Looking at them just dancing together or just them being in a picture together, it just wants you to be feverishly happy and fall in love with someone at that moment and probably do crazy, honest, vulnerable things to someone. I could watch this video again and again and again! It’s unbelievably brilliant how good chemistry like that exists between two beautiful people. I'd love to be the one dancing with either of them. But of course, Joseph Gordon Levitt is so *sigh* I don't know... undeniably charming (not just in this video) that it makes my dopamine levels go crazy!

★Jeezus, look at the way he looked at her when he grabbed and caressed her leg! *dies* My favorite part is when they danced side by side together, doing the shrugging shoulder thing :) For a flash of your smile Joseph, I would learn how to dance properly!

THIS WEEK: "AM I TOO 'BIG'?" - Chip from Jennifer's Body

★ The last day of school: Raffy + Peps + Lala + Don + Me: COMFORT. We spent it at Seattle’s Best Coffee at High Street for a good cooling down from the pressures of the final exams with large Javakulas and a huge breakfast meal (at night) of pancakes and massive German sausages. Let’s not forget about Bruno and the bat shit gayness of it and Raffy with all his alpha-male-ness stomaching Bruno and the incriminating positions (literally) he was in. After that coffee shop affair, I had a small run in with soul sibling and Nicole at Fully Booked while browsing for some books Nicole wanted to buy (and realize she, too, also has interests in second hand book stores). All in all it was EPIC RELIEF~!!! 8D

★ MONDAY: Brother was discharged from the hospital, thank gods! :D His doctor said it was amazing how his platelet increased within a span of only four days when usually it would take much longer, about a week and would also require a blood transfusion. Looks like all he needed was immediate hydration via IV and his sister’s company and Hayao Miyazaki movies. It’s nice he’s back here at home. I wasn’t used to him MIA especially during the mornings when he bugs me and my stuff toys. For a pasalubong for him, I bought him beef stroganoff pasta from Delifrance (one of the best pasta, imo)~

★ MONDAY: PASTA DATE! Beef stroganoff pasta and lasagna is the best when shared with friends! NOM NOM NOM~ 8D I love you guys!

★ WEDNESDAY: Louanne + Elmo + me + Robinson's Galeria + TOYS R US + games =

★MUSE WINS "BEST ACT IN THE WORLD TODAY" AWARD! courtesy of the Q Awards held in London this October. My votes (along with the other fans votes) are definitely worth it! Congratulations guys, you definitely deserve this ward! But personally, I think you don’t need an award to tell you guys that you are the best act in the world today. For me, this award isn’t limited to only “today” but it definitely goes beyond “today” itself… but always, always, always! God I love you Bells, Dom and Chris! Cheers!

★ FRIDAY (today): I totally pigged out today! Fast food, ice cream and pop corn are so irresistible to me! MUST KEEP IN MIND DIET AND FLABBY ARMS! On another note, Raffy got his car today and we watched Jennifer’s Body in Glorietta today, which was a sweet, sweet affair after getting out grades today. It was so entertaining to watch Megan Fox as a high school sex bomb who turns into this succubus/ she-demon and behaves like this heartless bitch and macking on her BFF Needy, who is played by a terrific and overly cute Amanda Seyfried. It was a surprise to see Adam Brody in the film and to see him as a rocker there named Nikolai Wolf (still not over with my Seth Cohen days but I do love his name in the film). Loved his excuse when he was going to sacrifice Jennifer to Satan saying “Do you know how HARD it is for an indie band to make it?” haha EPIC~ Personally I think he does the best Brandon Flowers (from the Killers) impersonation there in the film—so timely for this Halloween haha~ It was a pretty campy movie and by gods if they call this a horror movie, it just doesn’t deliver so don’t call this a horror flick please. But hey, I thought it was an entertaining film and I personally had a laugh on the allegorical comedy it contained about the horrors of being an adolescent. Brilliant witty dialogue coming from Diablo Cody, so kudos to her!

October 29, 2009 Thursday

MUSIC: Didn't It Rain? - Yoko Kanno |BOOK: Middlesex - J.Eugenides | KOI: ...

TETHERED

★ As of late, something has been keeping Morpheus from putting his hand atop my head as if in a goodnight kiss to send me off to his Kingdom. Where did I fall wrong in the stages of sleep that I’ve been missing out the transitions going to REM sleep to grant me momentary escape? It’s painfully frustrating that the character of my sleep lately seems like I’ve simply dozed off as soon as I close my eyes and all of the sudden, I wake up with nothing happening in between the transition of dozing off to waking. This morning was rather different.

★ Morpheus presents a scene from a long ago time and very much not forgotten; it was a reminded of happiness and full of foolish, impulsive longing. It me and this character, shrouded by an almost dim light in the quiet hallways with awkward side long glances, smiles that others couldn’t have seen beyond that scenario of frustrated attraction towards the other and laughter, yes, sweet laughter about Stephen King, the weird facts on the life of Gogol and the make shift games of table tennis inside the cramped space of the M.F. Good gods, that stature of a man… If this is life with glimpses of his mouth and eyes whilst learning his intellectual intricacies and knowledge passed on by him, let me never go blind or get shut off from the agony of learning and the horrible pain of trying to understand. I’m locked up in the dream, in the image and even now I find I’m still tethered to you when 3 years have passed since you last lent me your hand to help me stand up from the corridors.