The Dreamer :: Arisfael 16

Tuesday, September 26, 2006

Music: Supermassive Blackhole - Muse
Koi for the day: Milord

Life is fun in different ways. And no, that’s not the sarcastic me.

My blockmate said I look like a zombie earlier because I was excessively tried from printing our 100+ report for History and I was late for 30 minutes during our first class, much to my dismay and yes, I put the project in priority allowing me to miss a quiz about Protozoa in Botany. And being paranoid and irresponsible that I am, forgot to buy that black clip thingy and I owe the printing shop 70+ pesos.

My eyes hurt like hell, seriously. It’s not the type of Odin-eternal-punishment thingy but more of the heavy and restless eyes. Still, I managed to cry earlier because 2 fucking CDs wont work since the report couldn’t fit into the diskette, much to my annoyance.

I am a hard taskmaster and works acceptably under pressure HOWEVER WHEN STUPID THINGS TAKE TOO LONG for me to muster, I break down. It’s like the time when we went to the Census office, with my mother and it proved that if things can go bad, it can. And to add to the Hell Circle of the Ignorant and Socially Defective (as if that really exists) and to the extreme weather conditions that we felt like we lost calories by sweating off, the people were rude, like hoards of pigs who don’t even know how to excuse themselves and spit just anywhere WHICH IS THE MOST ANNOYING AND DIGUSTING THING FOR ME.

In other news, I managed to find something to smile about such as:
Its funny how you look at people’s dumbfounded reactions when you just shrug them off and they’re completely ignorant it’s their own fault. It’s no longer “making friends” anymore but it’s the invasion of personal comfort zone, as if you didn’t know that existed (yes, I’m referring to you, person-whom-I’d-be-glad-to-send-to-the-pits). And please, I’m a girl for a reason and I’ve lived for 16 years with my own common sense and I know I would not drown in a puddle or even slip just like that. It’s as simple as that. See how I’m SO appreciative of you and it comes from the bottom of my stomach!
I’m so mean.

And about the news I received regarding some male who was courting this woman, which is the biggest scam ever. My 2 associates know about this (you know who you both are) and the surprises are just popping out of nowhere that I’m taken aback and laughing my ass off at the same time. It’s a desperate pathetic attempt and I’m just LOL. To the gay lover of that male, your pathetic attempts of masking the truth DO NOT HINDER US FROM WHAT WE KNOW. Your superiority is complex is at it again, ego-leech. Ha ha XD I miss that word. Ego-leech.

I saw Aia-chan at school! We hugged each other for a moment and she sent me off to History class after she found out I was 30 minutes late :D She’s lucky nee! She gets to go to Mendiola, while here I am making drawings of my Lithium Flower on Post-Its on my ID >_< I’m so proud of her, my Mei!

Phone conversations with Ron again! Tee hee. He should seriously attend Botany Lab class with me.
Me: “Ako kasi, nabaliw lang ako ng konti pagkatapos…”
Ron: “OOOKAAAY~ Nabaliw ka lang ng konti. I’ll note that to myself”
Me: “Oh you know me~ Botany gets me high”
Ron: “yeah, like smoking weed. It is after all still Botany, mind you,”
Me: “Straight to the point,”
Ron: “Adeeek and just when I thought you were so nice and good”
Me: “I was and always am. I’m a polar opposite of myself”
Ron: “Ah, Chemistry naman,”

Laugh trip! He told me I should go with him and Kuya Rocky to the Black-market to get my supply of my fandom XDD Ha ha! I love those guys so much.

And the biggest surprise was last Sunday. Other than Death Ember Eyes not being present with only his brother representing him at mass, Ian called me. He said he was still serving (he’s a sacristan) and he just took the time to call me using the Parish phone XD Pasaway ka pa rin XD And I’m happy because of that… At least one of my burdens is gone. We need serious catching up with each other.

However I’m still sad that YOU left. Looks like my selfish wishes backfired. I’d miss that leather bound book that we shared… Indeed I was the first and the last. I’m so glad I met you as well, as response to your letter. I’ll keep reading those wonderful books and I always find little pieces of myself in them as they are mirrors, just like you said they were and would do. WAII~ 愛してるよ。せつないほどにキミのおもって。あいたくてあえなぃくて!

She woke up at 11:59 pm.

Sunday, September 17, 2006

Music:
Koi for the day: death ember eyes

PIECES OF YESTERDAY: The Aftermath
Held last: September 16 2006
Where: UP Bahay ng Alumni, UP, Diliman Quezon City

Before: I nearly got lost at the MRT station. And now, I know what to do if that happens and thankfully, I wasn’t arrested or classified as a jaywalker in Quezon Avenue. It was a celebration of my babes Louanne’s birthday and I met up with her and then we drove to Katipunan to meet with dear Stefu. And since we were all crazy and feeling perky, we just randomly thought to go inside Ateneo and Stef gave us a tour of her school. HAHA! I FINALLY SAW THE DOLL HOUSE! WHOOHOO~

Mang Jimmy’s is one of the best eateries and one of the cheapest too. 280 for a meal for three, is like a massive blessing in heaven and of course, we cam-whored and took photos of the random chickens and cats.The rain did not stop us from doing what we really wanted.

The event: I was still with Louanne and Stef, saw Mao, Miyuchi and a schoolmate of mine named Aia who happens to listen to JROCK! YEY! I’m not alone in my fandom of J-rock and hottie bishies na nakakalaglag panty! I saw and poked Ate Alma as well, kissed and hugged Ate Mic and Master Wilson, hugged and kissed more my teddy bear Krinkle, saw grandson/daughter Cor, hugged Amanda, saw her friend Marianne and Marianne’s boyfriend,Bijan. Ate Yoji and Kuya Chris was there as well!!! Tee hee~ Both of them looked so hot that night XDD I was with Kuya Pedz and pareng KR as well, sitting on the ground XDD We took pictures with so many people including the beautiful ladies namely Ate Hazel-sama and Ate Ria-sama of the band Progeny! HWEE~ Fun, fun!

UY! ASTIG NG HIMITSU HEIKI! WAHAHAHA! IDOL KO KAYONG LAHAT!
tRANCE did an adorable performance with ARASHI's song: WISH! HUWAII
RTSCHRK is to DIE FOR! WAH! I worship thee, most amazing band and those chilling vocals! They did the most amazing and kakoii rendition of Dir En Grey’s “Saku” and “Kasumi”. I had fun watching him sing and I had fun singing along! WAKEKEKE~
PROGENY~ WAH AMAZING BAND!!! Their rendition of “Glamorous Sky” is so much love~

I thought Xeven:Thursday wouldn’t come but they came! Beige/ Sir Billy took such a long time to get there and finally saw them perform after a long time from being absent in Ongaku events! WAHAHA! WAAAH AMAZING STILL! THE LOVELY RENDITION OF FATE IS LOVE!!! I saw X again and still his playing is the love and fan service didn’t really come, even if Beige already took off his shirt and bared his abs. OHOHOHO~ Too bad we weren’t able to talk to them since we had to go home since it was 10:30 already.

Tee hee~ Happy, happy date :D And oh yeah, the pictures would be posted the next time. Haha. I'm so lazy right now and still tired from last night.

----------

Dare you play glaring games with me? Try if you must and initiate it, yes, and still you’d find yourself overly satisfied by me because I’d end up losing to you and I’d be attracted to your eyes like a magnet. Seriously, Death Ember Eyes, you hurt me so much and I’m enjoying it. It was pleasant to see you once again, erasing the much earlier disappointment because I only saw your brother, and I wanted to see you.

All of these, done in church.

Yey! I’m happy today because we made up! If you only knew how long you were the topic of my conversations with Ronn and how you REALLY tormented me, despite me giving you the stoic face because I wanted to stay away from that, knowing it’ll hurt more. However since we spoke and saw you smile again, I’m very very satisfied by this day and then I find out something from my younger brothers’ friend about what you told them about me.

^___^ Ha ha, damn you for doing that to me~!

And I’m on holding my projects T__T “The Dollhouse” is so overdue as well as “Death Ember Eyes”, which is obviously a story dedicated for Ember Eyes and “Looking for Laura” my latest project, which is dedicated for my muse. Haha! I really needed that massive brain meltdown because it has kept inspiration from multiplying too much and distracting me from my priorities, making me procrastinate more. Deviations for my devart is STILL ON HOLD! GAH! I really hate my schedule for school.

she woke up at 10:15 pm

Monday, September 7, 2006

Music: Butterfly Collector - Garbage
Koi for the day: ♥

One again, I have reminisced the days of going to the mall, being with those I love and those I have cared too deeply and completely are unaware what a sweet burden they are to me. Those dates are memorable and the kiss still is branded. ♥

I suck. I’m aiming for a 1.0 to 1.75 to every subject I have and I could not have a grade lower than 2.5 in the finals and if there would be one, shame on me. SHAME ON ME if I don’t at least a few more 1s in my report card and I would want to have something to be proud of when I tell Herr STFN my grades. He knows that I know I could not be defeated by these bouts of laziness and pure stupidity. And he knows I’d love English 12, which is Literature. Definitely, I miss talking to him.♥♥♥

I miss Garbage♥. Therefore, I have rummaged through old burned CDs and listened non-stop to them. Ohh~ so much ambiguity and sensuality that it eats me up. It’s not the mainstream pop, though they a plethora of fans out there and one is me. It’s an interesting combination of rock with tinges of electro-pop and electro-rock to gothic and other experimental sounds beyond my vocabulary to describe. And the lyrics affirm me and are comforting to a different degree, mostly as if it’s dark fantasy written for the feminine side of one person though since ambiguity lies in their music as whole, you can transform into a hermaphrodite.

Ha ha! What am I saying? Really, there are no other words to describe how it feels.

And I remember once I said I wouldn’t listen to techno or electro unless I’m really forced to, FORGET I SAID THAT. I discovered The Microphones and Talking Heads, indie electro-pop bands from the US that are yet to be discovered. They are amazing! Though there may be lesser material from the Talking Heads considering they’re in the late 80s scene. Try to google them and listen to their songs just to have a little experiment with your music palette.

I still ♥ my dosage of Japanese rock. L’Arc~en~ciel, most unfortunately is on hiatus. However, I have appreciated Ken’s solo work including with his other band, S.O.A.P much warmly. It’s different however, the power and the rage is still in the guitar and is still to be worshipped as well as Hyde. GLAY is a definite void in my heart and ears right now that it’s so sad to think I am not updated at all with my favourite band! OMG! And I call myself a ‘fan’ at this point. GAZETTE still rocks my socks of and been listening to past and several lasts sounds they’ve cooked up.

Oh dear, this is such a music post mostly. And from now on, my bangs would be placed on the left side! Ha!

AND I HAD ENOUGH OF PARIS HILTON'S SONG~!!! From annoying, it's already maddening and PCD's songs~!!! I should get a new mp3 player soon. Shiest, shiest.

She woke up at 8:01 p.m.

Monday, September 4, 2006

Music: Elastik - Cambio
Koi for the day: my lithium flower♥

I noticed how wonderfully coincidental it is that my blog’s theme is purple; the exact shade of purple of a certain group where my Lithium Flower belongs to. Oh, number 09~

Saturday: I went out, going to Megamall once again for the nth time already to hang out with Ronn, to let me borrow some anime CDs that I’ve been bugging him about and to talk about certain things. I scouted for shirts, blouses and pants and found that the pre-teens section for girls is where I really belong to. I scouted for the cut prices of books, this time in Powerbooks and got to read until Chapter 4 of The Mercy Room, which is my dream book along with Kat and Stef. Now I know why… Apparently mister-teacher-of-German’s favourite book is Death in Venice. How highly appropriate and romantic. I must’ve looked like some poor shopper, relying on free reads so I needn’t buy the book. LOL

Unfortunately Ronn decided to meet in Galeria instead because his mother suddenly tagged along with him so he couldn’t fetch me. So I walked to Robinson’s Galeria. And since Tita suddenly asked him to watch Sam Milby’s movie with her, he was left no choice but to left me in the care of Kuya Sonny and Kuya Ralph two of his close friends who’re very nice and they were introduced to me that very same day. Ew~ Almost 2 hours of Sam Milby's face *shiver*

We stayed in Timezone, talking about things while Kuya Ralph sweated his life away playing Dance Revo. Then Kuya Gerald, Kuya Pao, Kuya Rocky, Kuya Michael and Kuya Romel came so basically I was the only girl in the group that time however they were all nice to me and have displayed mad skills in playing Dance Revo >_< WAH I think I would never master Dance Revo in this lifetime. They’re an adorable group and all of them squeal like girls XDD

It seems that we didn’t run out of things to talk about, that we had a 2 hour conversation much later that night with Ronn and 3-wayed it with Kuya Rocky. There was much to be said about our fandom and life in general and going to Japan, when Kuya Rocky told us that his mother became a citizen in Japan already and he can go there easily. This followed by our pleas to come with him, while I insisted on being placed in a box, marked as an experiment funded by some unknown Japanese scientific facility >_<

And it was sort of weird when Ronn’s friends thought of me as a guy at first when they saw my picture XDD They said I gave an aura of a girl but there was something “guy-ish” in me as well. SEE?! I CAN CROSS DRESS! HAH! Saturday night dates… Huhu. How tiring >_<

Sunday: Hah! Death Ember Eyes was wearing stripes today and the freakiest thing was both him and the other was donning the same hairstyle who at first I couldn’t distinguish them from the other. Their friend, who apparently can be described as ‘fair as me’ was back from that long hiatus. Still, I couldn’t forget how Death Ember Eyes looked up close. He had no idea that it was our car beside where he walked. He was gazing at something and gah, how model-esque. He has a fine bone structure and his eyes, still are gorgeous and his lips… It’s quite unfortunate I wasn’t able to look at him longer, being situated at the back. Caramelized skin… He killed me, again, as always.

Monday: As much as my curiosity was piqued regarding my grade, it seems like I regret it. I PROMISE TO NEVER BE LATE AGAIN FOR PHYSICAL SCIENCE 11 EVER AND EVER AND EVER! I learned my lesson. Shiest. Would my dreams to become a dean’s lister be put to nothing? Shiessssst!! \(>o<)/ GYAAAAH dammett~

She woke up at 3:39 pm

Tuesday, August 29, 2006

Music: Owaranai Machi - Siam Shade
Koi for the day: my lithium flower♥

I was stressed last Sunday and so after eating outside with my family, I told them I want to go to the Mall and they said sure, surprisingly since I didn’t think it would be easy to convince them to go to the mall for my retail therapy and as my materialistic needs.

Thus, I ended up buying two books for an affordable price thanks to the massive sale National Bookstore is giving and I bought a shirt as well, for my lack of wardrobe. It made me think to visit the National Bookstore in Cubao for more cut prices for books. The Anthology of Fantasy Stories is waiting for me. I wonder how much would they cut from an 870+ book... And if I could get my hands on any Sandman, I’d probably be satisfied for the coming months (prays earnestly that Fully Booked would have a sale as well)~

GAAAH! WHAT IS EFFING WRONG WITH ME?!! There’s something weird going on that’s been bothering, which is my apparent laziness and the decrease of my expectations for myself. I suddenly have no specific driving force recently to study and mostly, it’s my fault that my brain is going absolutely haywire since I let myself procrastinate, procrastinate, be a lazy-ass, cram and absolutely being completely idiotic and stupid, which is horrifying. GAH IS THIS THE EFFECT OF STRESS REGARDING BOTANY?! MY BRAIN CELLS ARE TURNING INTO SCLERENCHYMA CELLS!!! And God, I had enough of those complete lazy asses out there (there are mor eout there if you compare them to me)

And if you noticed, I give much pride to my academic and intellectual career. So there.

And she woke up at 5:37 p.m

Friday, August 25, 2006

Music: Dreamless World - Siam Shade
Koi for the day: my lithium flower♥

According to her I am her Cotton Candy and hers alone. And that goes with Nadz and Dana as well.

How do I go from being single to being a “lover” of 3 girls? College is not a sick sad circus show compared to the government however it provides me the same amusement.

Midterm exams are scheduled to start this Wednesday and tomorrow, a chapter test in Botany Lab and History. Good gods, the BULK is SO BIG! And I was feeling very crappy and disoriented the whole day since I woke up with my celphone ringing right to my ear disrupting a very nice yet weird dream I had of my l’amour mentour Herr STFN regarding an instant date and unresolved feelings and realizing I still do love him. And my hair wasn’t in place, my pants were too loose and my rubber shoes were damn heavy and I got low scores in my Filipino and Physical Science quiz and CRAP!

But I can handle this, most especially what happened yesterday. It provided me a sense of strength and that particular speck of beauty in this current life of mine that’s turning into something drab yet shifts still into something un-understandable. Thank you so much dear! You provided me inspiration once again If you wanna read why and what I've written about my dearest Muse, go her but it's so fan girl-y I must warn you. And while I was straing at a shoe of my classmate during Physical Science, it was that shifting of your consciousness to somewhere that probably where I'd would have stayed because it was a daydream and because of that I wanted to see her again so I can finally make a sketch of her.

And listening to Siam Shade is refreshing! It's been a while since I've downloaded a song of theirs and thank you very much to the generous person named Ruki for providing me music for my fandom! It's a real shame they're gone~!

YEY! I'm excited XDD I'm going to watch a play titled "Oedipus Rex" on the 10th of September as advertised by my English prof. YEAAAH~ Oh Oedpius complex~ Really, it is really one of the questions of nature why it is such. For now, I am off to downloading more and more random things and yes, make more drawings once again.

You, my Lithium Flower, is love. And no, please do not think of Motoko Kusanagi when I say this (well, it is intended for her based on the song for the series Ghost in the Shell). Lithium Flower is number 9, my dearest number 9 in purple shades.

She woke up at 9:50 pm

Monday, August 21, 2006

Music: Sweet Dreams (Are Made of These)
Koi for the day: it's still her♥

Yesterday, I spent the whole time drawing and painting the whole afternoon. I’ve been thinking lately how un-productive I have been, art-wise. Academics have been keeping me really busy these days and I need to maintain good grades, if ever I want to get far in life. LOL. Still, I wish there was something that would add zest to my academics and lately I’ve been thinking when will Introduction to Philosophy come about?

I’ve been writing about her constantly here. And last Saturday, I managed to see her again and when our eyes met, she happened to give a small smile, not like the dentist smile she gave when we approached her. And she is so PRETTY! Would it be safe to conclude now that she’s my Muse? And thanks to her, I’ve made 3 artworks yesterday and prompted me to finish my previous line arts that were lying around here in my room. And yesterday, since it was Sunday, I’m no longer sure if the person I saw was really Death Ember Eyes. I mean, that’s the trouble since he has a twin but seriously, I don’t know anymore. But some feeling in my guts told me it was really him and surprisingly, I wasn’t as giddy when we both looked at each other. Why? Because SHE has slightly taken the limelight away from him.

I want to see her again!♥♥♥

My brain is telling me to write something again and I’m frustrated because it’s making me do it when it already knows I already have 2 stories on hold! GAH! It’s probably the dream I had last night… Watching basketball has finally taken its toll on me.

I must study again >_< It’s Botany and really, it’s starting to get really to my nerves! GAH! I’m not even sure what the quiz is all about now. Seriously, it’s starting to get pretty weird out and busy at school. In my mind, I’ve probably undergone some sort of mental dysfunction and I’m not even aware. I think that people would go berserk after mid terms, or worse.

WORSE I TELL YOU!

And she woke up at 10:31 am

Sunday, August 20, 2006

Music: Radiohead
Koi for the day: tsai

I had fun last night! Thanks Abi Tri for the fun birthday at Italianni's :) I'm glad to see that you're happy and being with you and the rest of the lovely happy people, I'm okay :D I can finish this sem without terribly missing you all too much :3

1. Nail polish talks :)
2. The Dos and Don'ts of eating inside UP Diliman (courtesy of Ana, Bet and Di ) XD I should really start eating isaw now XDD
3. Ateneo happenings (WAH THE CROSS DRESSER FLOAT! THE VIOLENCE!) XD
4. The Pine Cream pocky and chocolate pocky is a major hit!
5. I ate 4 slices of pizza~ wah glutton~!
6. GELATO MADNESS! :)
7. Cam whoring~

I will leech the pictures from the people who were there >_< Damn. I want my own digicam >_<

--------------
Sea, My Lover

My feet the warm sand swallows,
In jutting waves, here I come to wallow
To thee with thy voice a clear soft strain,
Slowly, to thy arms there I have lain.

My Lover, I have called thee
In thy enmeshing body, I dare not flee.
My body thou have known well,
My thighs, my breast, for each full swell
Effortlessly, have touched, have claimed.

Prostrate, into thee I have peered
Often I have wished thou whisper in my ear
Too come with thee, in such temptation,
In simple pearl white smiles, I have become thy possession.

Over thy shifting waves, where I wished to be near thee
And thou have taken me away, easily.
I wished to feel thy dark mouth pressed ‘gainst mine
As thou crush my heart, in salt, in brine
In this death-like love, I wished to remain.

In depths of the Soul, thy surf carries me
Where there is nothing except thee.
And my swallow breaths thou slowly take
My heart, in this fantasy I pray thou wouldn’t break.

And by night, where I lay in the sands
My hair thou wringed, my body thy caressed by hands
That would take me again, in thy deep promises.
And still in Dreams, there mine longing, it aches
I, who lives by thy whispers and vignettes.

She commands me, mine Lover the Sea;
In her throes of her brackish kisses,
There I was, swept away, floating in her embrace,
Dreaming to Love,
Drowning in her smile.

For she has made me feel in such a manner and for she is the sudden blow by the hands of gods that made me dwell in her laughter and skill, in her power to render me in such a helpless awed state. Perhaps in this case, I have become hers and she knows nothing of it.

These words are for her.

Everything is not literal.

She woke up at 12:42 pm

Wednesday, August 16, 2006

Music: Lovesick - Siam Shade
Koi for the day: tsai

Her mouth curves slowly to a full ‘o’ and firms them, those strawberry sheaths with no tint of any form of lipstick. Still she remains alluring and whilst I look at her jacket on the seat, it reminds me a voice vessel that emanates something of a seduction that is not subtle but rather consumes me in big gulps; all of these unexpected of her.

It made me question my Female Psyche, to wish to become a male was what They said inside my head as I observed how she walked, how her hips would sway with long limbs that were gifted with the strength to pass that ball of responsibility (literally). And still she is majestic and breathtaking. I wanted to be a Male for her but then I would remain as I am in this careless love for her.

And whoever said basketball was boring should die.

Yes, tomorrow I shall see her again. And when she looked at me and smiled, I went out of my wits. Dentistry rules… And SHE RULES IT obviously since she is a captain. And she is such a young teenage boy and yet the way her lips would curve to a smile and her hands and fingers, all belonging to some nymphet-ish young female.

She is so much hotter than any male! And damn, it gives me the nosebleeds whenever she scores a point. I’ll make it a point to watch all of her games tomorrow.

Today was an exhausting day since the Sportsfest was held at the Cuneta Astrodome and apparently the students couldn’t fit despite how large that place was and mostly we were dominated by the Mendiola branch. SELAMS, I think is a very good yet egoistical college of Mendiola. And my throat hurts since we were screaming too much for moral support for the teams we wished to win and for her, as well.

I slept at the bus on the way home then immediately went to St. Paul to have a date with the people there and after the exhausting talk, talk with the people whom I love so MUCH (I wish I was in love with them and I’m having more lesbian tendencies then it would be such love) and they were all very sweet especially when I entered the Fine Arts class and everyone was like “Ate Riza”. My heart screamed when all of you hugged me my dears. I LOVE YOU ALL SO MUCH LIKE CRAZY HELL.

Megamall date with Kat, Stef and we talked and talked regarding sexuality and gender and how some people can be such great pretenders at things that they obviously hide especially when they show anti-social behaviour towards you. It’s funny and it’s good to have a very good laugh with them. It makes me feel better thinking I can have another laugh like this tomorrow so I shouldn’t die yet.

Someone said the most fashionable way to die is to fall off from a building with Gackt playing violin music to you. Oh the requiem… I’d probably die a freak accident…

As long as you’re okay tomorrow Tsai, I’ll be fine.

She woke up at 9:36 pm

Friday, August 11, 2006

Music: Blue Orchid - White Stripes
Koi for the day: none

My mind feels dull and tired lately and I just really need some sleep. Kimchi for dinner is not all that bad, BUT I would not lie that I didn’t like it as much as I thought I would. Mark and I are texting again, surprisingly since he’s the one who first texted me. Haha. I didn't even know there's an online dance Revo. I played it a while ago and to no avail, it was still as hard as before >_< Rain ad Roan introduced me to AutoJam, which I tried and it was cool. Haha XDD What if there's an online Dancemaniax that I don't know about.

Yesterday, I was able to watch this really sexy film and it was released around 2000 I think. MERCY was a very hot film and it was an excellent combination of bisexuality, lesbianism, violence and OMG bondage and that serial thriller that could be a cult idol in the genre of thrillers. And the action, violence and yes, PYSCHOLOGY gives me the goosebumps. And Peta Wilson as Vickie was so hot being with the detective and the girl kiss they shared. Oooh, I just shudder! It’s really a very good film, although the scene with this cross dresser guy that really ticks me off. Damn, a bustier with THAT muscular body? Although I think this film was not released in mainstream for it was rated R for strong sexual and violent content… Still I was blessed to watch it! Oh thank YOU suppliers! It’s a good study for psychology and for basis if you doing projects regarding sexual orientation, such as me XDD

Really now, I like gay men and have bisexual friends and I’m very happy with all of it. It’s all good.

I can’t wait to watch Great Expectations! Gaaaaah, it’s as sensual as Take the Lead but you know… its more artsy and Ethan Hawke is just as irresistible as Gwyneth Paltrow.

I’m so bored. I’m currently watching Law and Order, one of my favourite series. And what else after that? Sleep perhaps? What a lazy ass I am.

You Are 48% Paranoid Schizophrenic

It's likely that you're perfectly fine, though you have your crazy moments. You tend to be a bit paranoid, but no one's out to get you but yourself.

Are You A Paranoid Schizophrenic?

Your Love Element Is Earth

In love, you have consistency and integrity. For you, love is all about staying grounded and centered. You attract others with your zest for life and experiences. Your flirting style is defined by setting the scene, creating a unique moment in time. Steady progress and stability are the cornerstones of your love life. You may take things too slowly, but you never put your heart at risk. You connect best with: Fire Avoid: Wood You and another Earth element: need each other too much to build a good foundation

What Element Is Your Love?

You Are 80% Bipolar

You're more than moody - you're a bit unstable. If your mood swings are effecting your life, you may need to seek help.

Are You Bipolar?

Your Geek Profile:

Academic Geekiness: High SciFi Geekiness: High Fashion Geekiness: Moderate Gamer Geekiness: Moderate Movie Geekiness: Moderate Geekiness in Love: Low General Geekiness: Low Internet Geekiness: Low Music Geekiness: Low

How Geeky Are You?

YEAH AND I DO NEED SERIOUS HELO X__X

She woke up at 9:18 pm

Tuesday, August 8, 2006

Music: Beautiful the Virgin - Schwarz Stein
Koi for the day: none

Midterm is coming soon. So far I have no grades lower than 2.5… So that’s okay. Wohoo~

I’m back to drawing again. I can’t give up drawing because if I give it up, I would cease to exist. No, really, I’m not kidding. It’s not the type of drawing I do at school that requires immense details of set up and plants but it is what I’d love to draw. Do you get it? Anyway, still I feel empty since I’ve been inspiration-less lately for the world has been spinning too fast lately that I haven’t stopped to get back on other things such as writing stuff.

My journal, my book-bound journal has been gathering dust lately on the shelf. And it has been calling me desperately to write. My writer’s child has been desperately poking the insides of my messed up soul just to say “WRITE SOMETHING!” and writing meaning what Riza would like to write such as time passes with Riza as an audience to the sick sad circus that life is and it still has kept her amused even to this point.

Anyway…

Sometimes it eats me that I can’t even utter something to the people that I KNOW needs words of reassurance especially regarding relationships. Why is that? Because other than experiences from those pseudo-relationships, I have nothing else to give and I can’t relate. And these relationship is the girl-and-guy-thingy, my dears. I don’t know... It’s hard being an emotional trash bag (well okay, not exactly trash bag but more of a confidante) to someone who’s having real problems I regarding this and you know they need something to feel better and that is well, your say. Personally I don’t care about such topics but YOU KNOW, it involves your friends and blah… WELL THE POINT IS: I do not want a boyfriend NOW but it would be nice to have one sometime SOON.

If only I could be some goddess that could make an instant Gabriel…

I gave Gabriel, who was now a ‘her’ at this point, an incredulous look while she returned it with a hearty laugh. Dates with Gabriel are amusing, if not, frustrating. I remained patient being that I am, although as a teenager, insecurities fly high when her natural naïveté of the social world and her teasing comes. Her eyes travel of the curves of women, whilst I feel small being undeveloped and tell myself my beauty was a lie she told by her sweet tongue born from the fey heritage or something else. Gabriel is annoying, but I still love her being able to have intelligent and then non-sense conversations with her. But we did have our dull moments, when I was always the one who does not speak because I was too tired. When that happens, she takes me home.

Gabriel, sometimes, I think consumes the life out of me for her energy was too much to posses such little amounts of blood. But then, Gabriel does not need what I need; she only needs me to love her for that was what she tells me.

And I do love her. But the love was not to be called the Love that made me.

Yeah, I do love IT so much.

She woke up at 6:16 pm

Tuesday, August 1, 2006

Music: Who Knew - Pink
Koi for the day: milord

Layout for August people! Like it? Well, I like it and it didn’t give me much trouble in terms of encoding it.

No school for me today, since I had a fever last night and it almost gone now. The problem is I still feel extremely cold, but my body temperature is still high and I still have excessive coughing and body pains. I hate being sick since I really look like crap and my body movement is limited. However, it still feels good to be able to sleep whole day and I lost weight.

I sworn off chips for a while now, since my tonsils and throat are still swollen and no sweets for a while even ice cream. I’m still maintaining the drink-only-water thing because soft drinks are EVIL.

Sunday is happy day because I was able to see Death Ember Eyes although I wasn’t sure if that was him because when I saw both of them they looked exactly the same because of the hair. Normally Death Ember Eyes would have the much neater hair but heck, they looked like Death Ebony Eyes. LOL~

HAPPY BIRTHDAY BETTINA! Waii! You're so grown up now being 18 and all! Can't wait to see you this Saturday~! :3

And now I will go and eat~!! And Filipino assignment would have to wait lateeeeer~
She woke up at 11:12 a.m.

Friday, July 28, 2006

Music: I Write Sins Not Tragedies - Panic! At the Disco
Koi for the day: milord

Stagnate I am in the world of my Deviants. But I made a new drawing so I'll be able to update again (oh the gifts of inspiration is coming back to me) I could only sigh as I flip through the pages of my Botany 11 lecture notebook. And surprisingly I still can’t manage to wipe of the giddy grin on my face and apparently it’s still plastered in my face. Edgar Allan Poe wrote that poem with the title the “Happiest Day, The Happiest Hour”. And apparently I can relate to him at that point. The poem is about his soon-to-come marriage BUT I’m not getting married (although I do claim I am married)

I saw my Sire yesterday. Yes, I did and imagine me restraining myself to repress the attempts of a hug that I promised and still would like to do. He’s so terribly… still he remains the same and his face lit up definitely.

Of course the same goes for me. I would like to say more but I can’t or else, making everything else known in the internet world is TOO much especially regarding this.

Early dismissal yesterday because of exams and I was excited to meet up with my fellow associates/friends/stalkers/co-producers of our soon to be indie movie at our former school. Too bad Kat couldn’t make it and she’s still stuck in La Salle whilst dear Stef was the one who accompanied me coming from Ateneo. I marvelled at her green bangs and other parts of her hair that were dyed blonde and purple. I wanted to dye mine purple, somehow, making it black-purple but I can’t since the rules of the school I’m in remains absolute in my course, I would have to live with it.

We talked about so many things, as we normally do even if we just saw each other the other day. And we still laughed aloud as we felt slightly alienated when we entered the campus because of the massive changes that occurred. We visited our former painting teacher Sir Leano and we asked him if we could sit-in in his grade 7 class for that day. Then we decided to go to the High School department where I saw my clay head bust for the bust we did this year in Elective. My yellow clay head was on display somehow on the annex corridor and I just laughed my ass off because it was one of the most horrid things ever.

We ate the usual treat we ate in our trio: white sauce pasta. And then I forgot about the calories I was counting because of the sheer bliss of that moment.

Stef and I laughed mostly as we talked and walked and we couldn’t speak to any faculty members due to a certain long meeting. So we ended up staying with Sir Leano and bugging him while we observed his class. He wasn’t a sadist that day but you know, he’s really a very nice guy and teacher although sometimes he can be snobby but he’s amazing and an amazing artist too. Makes me wonder when he’ll get married.

Then we went back to the HS dept with Sir Leano and we saw Sir Melo. And we shared 5 handshakes that day, for I counted. LOL. I was very very very HAPPY to see him and he still looks well and I think he gained weight. It’s good that he’s not stressed anymore as before and told me that he doesn’t get to read literature a lot these days because he’s more focused on the factual classical history, as a history teacher. Those freshmen students better not give him any trouble as he described them as extremely energetic.

Apparently sir Bau saw us talking to Sir Melo and other things ensued. But after those things, I was happy to see him again! Haha XDD Sir Bau is the only one in the world, I swear and I ended up squealing and poking sir Bau because he lost weight. Amazingly he’s pokeable still but unlike before… I told him if he used Ab Flex that made Sir Melo laugh. I missed Sir Bau as well! And he’s still evil to me, as always XDD We also saw Sir Macky who surprisingly remembers us and was happy to see us. He even stayed for a moment to talk to the 3 of us as he drank his tea narrating to us what happened to the fieldtrip the faculty had at a museum in a far away province.

We talked to Ms. Hernandez and other teachers and such. Most of them when asked about my course, was surprised since I didn’t look like the type of person who’d go into these. They probably go the image of the free spirited me that liked to doodle and read a lot… Sabi nga ni Sir Melo: “Magaling ang kamay mo”

The day flew by so fast and seriously I wanted to remain there for the real business. To all of you, god knows what that business is but will be revealed in 5 years or so. We will make profit out of that. And Stef and I probably looked like cave people, poking the new St. paul buses as if we saw a bus for the first time.

And why are there COMPUTERS IN OUR HS CANTEEN?

Oh so many conspiracies, so little time. That’s why I exist for that reason…

And I nearly laughed from my seat as I finished my Tagalog essay in Filipino 11 regarding my plans in the future. Oh how ambitious can I get? Is the world ready for a part time nurse who is also a lazy ass beat nick artist roaming the world with a Japanese husband whose occupation is a rocker? I’d probably be notorious for making girl-love indie movies one day, bringing back classic film noir…

Times have changed. I guess the world may be ready for that. They should’ve witnessed enough already.

Panic! At the Disco is SO MUCH LOVE! Do they have an album here? I’m addicted to them… Hopefully people would realize the importance of full distribution of albums such as the albums of the Dresden Dolls and Japanese artists?

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Boys will be boys
Hiding in estrogen and boys will be boys
Boys will be boys
Hiding in estrogen and wearing Aubergine dreams