MUSIC: Starlight - MUSE
BOOK: Jonathan Strange & Mr. Norell - Susana Clarke | KOI: M
How did it turn from this:
♠ TORADORA! *sigh* It’s definitely been a while since I encountered a romantic comedy anime series of that caliber that left me feeling so intensely giddy, hollow, pensive and even in love! Taiga and Ryuuji, personally, are one of the best anime couples to come around after a while with normal circumstances surrounding them – normal in the sense that, well, they’re not exactly like CC and Lelouch who have the world and international politics to worry about. But still, Toradora is heart-warming in its own right. From the first episode, I was hooked! And the ending, it was so sweet (not the sweet that makes you gag) and it was just the appropriate ending for the series. And what I love was the journey to get to that end point, looking back at the past episodes, no episodes were wasted on mere filler side stories and in fact, it was entertaining journey as I drew closer to the series’ end. The most impressive thing was how well the characters were actually fleshed out and as the series progressed, the producers were careful in showing how the characters evolved. The characters didn’t remain as they are when the series started, that’s what I love about Toradora. The situations where they were put in, the plot line, all of it was carefully handled to show the different facets of the characters, whether it was the weak, bad and strong, good side of them.
♠ Taiga is my favorite character of course, but I didn’t expect liking Ami. Ami’s character was the surprise one; I didn’t imagine she’d be perspective and very kind. Everyone expects that she is mature and strong, living in the adult world due to her job but she says that’s what she hates most about herself, when she acts like an adult. The only thing she wants to do is to be a child, but she knows herself it doesn’t work that way for her. Ami found her neutral ground, no longer struggling in the split of her personas: sweet, air-headed, gentle, well put together versus her true arrogant, manipulative, cunning side. I felt partial for her, realizing how she didn’t want to force anything upon Ryuuji despite loving him so much. What she wanted was to be different from what she usually does to people, which is impose herself on them, get them to love her in some way she shows her fake façade *sigh* Ami was great, along with Minori *sigh* which was another surprise development of her character. I like Ami a lot but I relate more to Minori and her idea of seeing and not seeing things…
♠ I highly recommend this anime to watch if you’re looking for a good romantic-comedy one. It’s a tear jerker, btw; I seriously cried in several episodes, just to say. Any anime that softens the heart of R is a good one~! Haha! BTW, the kiss scene was so perfect that my heart nearly stopped!
♠ Coincidentally, I was listening to Rie Fu’s latest album which contained the song ‘Romantic’. This song, basically applies to the main characters: Taiga, Ryuuji, Ami, Minori and Kitamura. But as you know, I have such a soft spot for Taiga-Ryuuji pairing, which I support immensely. They’re one of the most successful anime couples, I believe since some couples coming from some anime series of the romantic-comedy-drama genre didn’t really advance that much and have that solid foundation and diverse interplay of emotions that these two had. They’re so meant to be with each other… *sigh*
Itsu no hi ni ka tsutaeyou kizutsuku koto osorezu ni
Anata to deaeta koto ga donna kizu mo iyasu kara
Someday I'll tell you this, without being afraid of getting hurt
Since meeting you will heal any wound
I just wanna be with you tonight,
I just wanna be the one to shine
I just wanna be with you tonight in your arms,
Oh can you hold me tight?
Every time I close my eyes I see,
You reflecting through my memory I just wanna be with you tonight in your arms,
Oh can you hold me tight?
Anata to iru kono toki wo hakanaku sotto tsutsumu you
Egao ni natta sono toki wo kokoro no naka yakitsukete
Anata to iru kono toki wo hakanaku sotto tsutsumu you
Egao ni natta sono toki wo kokoro no naka yakitsukete
To gently, fleetingly envelop this time I’m spending with you
I keep that time when we smiled branded in my heart
To gently, fleetingly envelop this time I’m spending with you
I keep that time when we smiled branded in my heart
♠ You have put up with a side of me that anyone doesn’t see which is the downside. You’ve constantly called me a slob, you see and put on tirades of this and that about what an opportunist I am, how the irony was considering how I effectively pain those who are closer to me because I know better than anyone else, how cunning I could be to get what I always want, how very egoistical I could be, how cold and indifferent and how weird of a mess I am. Unfortunately, as you mentioned the other day, that you are stuck with me and you said that with a disapproving sigh as always. The thing is, you said, I’m a mess you wouldn’t mind cleaning up after—that I was so strong and ravenous that I always have a mess trailing behind me. ‘So recklessly annoying’ and you sigh. And always end up finding the most interesting garbage and shit coming from me. You groan and submit; so effectively charming and patient that I don’t deserve it. But oh well.
♠ The perks of being with a man 7 years your senior: crazy.
MUSIC: Falling Away With You - MUSE
BOOK: Jonathan Strange & Mr. Norell - Susana Clarke | KOI: M
♠ Saying that emergency rooms in hospitals are extremely hard core, that would be an understatement. Yesterday’s shift was from 8 to 9 and that cost me my legs! But never mind that, the most important thing was that I experienced the E.R and will be living in it’s adrenaline-pumped environs for another week of hospital duty. Apparently I’ve seen suturing procedures of the head and amputation of a toe (which were both really extreme! I LOLed in amusement and glee—I got to see human bones) suturing of deep wound… very annoying, frustrated and pained people. Need to be more assertive and get my mind really into it and probably need some energy drinks like Cobra haha~
♠ CATS: one of the best reasons to love the world. I love everything about them and their paws are so damn cute. With our cat Bloocky, we press the pads of his paws and his claws come out. So soft and foozy~ hee~
♠ The man♥ apparently possesses one of the most beautiful hands I’ve ever, ever seen. My description of this beautiful specimen wouldn’t suffice for what they really how and how adept on many things (like making breathtaking music). They’re also rough on the right places. ilysm You're the hurricane I'll never outrun~
MUSIC: the Fight Song - The Republic Tigers
BOOK: Jonathan Strange & Mr. Norell - Susana Clarke | KOI: ...
| Your Soul Is Connected to the Fall |
 You have the heart of a poet, but you're not too eager to let anyone else see it. You are very creative and deeply talented. You are still looking for the perfect outlet for your expression. You embrace change and think the cycles of life are beautiful. You don't shrink away from the darker elements of life. |
♠ Yesterday was brilliant and rather sweet. The boy was there, annoyingly clingy as always but his company is very much enjoyed and has put me in a good mood all throughout. Finally, our prodigal one M returned to us and I’m very happy that he fights back now—he has a spine after all and still so very precious and caring towards us (we know and he knows perfectly in his guts he can never, ever let go of me and us—the once-Triumvirate). I was high and hyper yesterday with a restrained madness because there’s a war spilling out of me and that can’t happen in malls. This is me, experiencing one of the best feelings I could attribute to contentment and happiness at the moment: there’s so much release in anger and there is an unbelievable amount of relief soon after.
♠ Domination—a most exquisite pleasure, yes? Nothing can compare to that sensation: knowing you have the power, it provides comfort, security and an unexpected protection from being hurt. When you have that someone who readily bends to your will, you’re helping him: he always knows what his needs are: to have someone control and take his mind off his troubles. You’re doing him a favor by helping him and you’re helping yourself as well; see how mutual it can be? No harm done. It’s just that you have to remember: they always know what they need and you always get what you want.
♠ I have told D that I’m ‘not alright at all’. I haven’t admitted to it myself that I’m not okay, but I did admit I’m not sad. There’s a big difference from being ‘sad’ to being ‘not okay’, alright? As I’ve said, I’m neither happy nor sad about the things that have been happening to me lately. D insists I’m not alright but I am, moving on with this steady, linear pace for several months now. It’s a routine I have to bear, unfortunately. He thinks I’m not alright since I’m probably mad, constantly ricocheting between absolute passivity and indifference to an annihilating, destructive surge of negative fear I have. I could’ve gone that way too, if I didn’t have my extreme bouts of happiness. An annoying thing is that, one of the reasons of my happiness is dependent upon valid individuals who acknowledge and validate me—for who I am and see who I am and can be—those who can look beyond my academic outputs and see ME. There aren’t just many people like that lately, except for a few trusted friends that I feel so distant from.
♠ I’m not the girl I was a year ago. I’ve gained many things as time passed, true however I can’t help but be too critical of myself especially knowing how I’ve regressed in certain aspects that I love most about myself. The difference is: mentally, I’m not as active as before yet I’m more realistic now (the future, the dreadful uncertain future doesn’t stop coming and it won’t—I’ve no choice). I consider myself more aware of my limitations in a constructive way, compared before. I have many limits as a student nurse, but as myself individually, as R… the limits seem less. The bleakness of most days irritates me, which leaves me worn out to do anything further because I’m not phenomenal enough to have that massive exhilarating change I want for myself. I’m growing impatient; I can’t wait further for something else to come my way. This isn’t the right path for me, which I know very well but now, I’m in a rut, stuck and lost. But knowing myself, I know I’d find something, some string or a trail of bread crumbs to lead me out of this or to make it better for me.
♠ I just can’t find it! My patience is running out. I languish…
MUSIC: Love You Much Better - the Hush Sound
BOOK: Jonathan Strange & Mr. Norell - Susana Clarke | KOI: Orsino
♠ The boy is frustrated with me for my lack of guilt (I’m incapable of guilt he says, which he says is unfair whenever we argue and I open my potty mouth at him at the same time be un-feeling) and ‘merciful judgment’ (as he calls it) towards undeserving shit bags, who are also my ‘friends’ who have the maturity level of 10 year olds. And the irony of it is that they’re my friends. See here, saying ‘sorry’ isn’t going to cost you a limb or 10 years of your wasted life breathing the same air I’m breathing. Although I’m doing this just to let off steam and unfounded rage that has built up over this week, I’m also proving a point that they should know their place and I fucking swear to get bashed in their heads that respect is always EARNED. Thank you for being such wonderful asses for the week since I’ve some reason to lash out an excess anger with the tirade they’ll be hearing from me tomorrow. And the boy says I’m terribly cruel for viewing them (defensive ass-kissers) as mere objects. I’m sorry, but we haven’t known each other that long and hanging out in the same room does not make us ‘friends’. They’re just random people who happened to pass by at this point in my life who are easily replaceable. And besides, they haven’t given me anything worth cherishing for shit. I’m going to places—and what about them? They’ll be stuck in the rut of their incompetence and self-centered, spineless inadequacy. I’m just disappointed that a favorite dog of mine is included there. Tsk, tsk, tsk. You’re already a dog, don’t make yourself a gutter dog.
♠ I rarely bitch and if I do now, so what? If I’m profane and offensive, fine. As long as you don’t matter for me. And if you’re going to complain about this, it’s fine for me also. Profanity isn’t your only basis for judging people and it isn’t tantamount to neither a person’s intelligence nor her personality. Do not test me, irritate me, especially I do not want to hear offensive, perverted comments (you think I don’t know?) pertaining my girl friends or else.
♠ Thank gods for cunt-smelling assholes like them. They make me feel rather free of any sense of rage and stress I feel 8D See? They shouldn’t feel bad about themselves. They actually have use while they’re still alive—they’re wonderful relievers of a mad desire of purging something beautiful, especially when I feel like doing so.
MUSIC: Black Heart Inertia - INCUBUS
BOOK: Jonathan Strange & Mr. Norell - Susana Clarke | KOI: the True Blood cast!
♠ TRUE BLOOD IS EPIC SEXINESS AND GRITTINESS! Excuse me when I say that after I finished season 1 my hormone levels were at the roof! I know this is may sound terribly exaggerated but that’s what it I saw as the episodes went by—that humans and vampires aren’t any different, all of us animals despite being ‘higher animals’ we are still animals in essence with a sense of primitiveness and we go into heat. And thus we are caged by something—either by mores, laws, values, people and yet we are obtained by circumstance and we could only writhe and agonize with the appalling and demanding fire licking and ever present in us, in our loins. Add a touch of greed, sadness, a tumultuous affection ‘love’ as we call it and everything melds together in our small bodies that serves as vessels for these things.
♠ The characters are fleshed out well (literally) as the plot allows them to and I couldn’t help but notice the dynamics of giving and taking as long as when we are together with someone, not only limited to a romantic relationship. The series is very physical, to say the least. There it is presented in front of you: shuddering mouth to mouth, chest against chest, a good heavy weight of body upon body and then arching, growing together, a force fighting a force, a madness of a desire to: kill, to drive into the burning oblivion, to lose an identify, to not be lonely, to be ‘together’. The mingling and mangling of two identities—a fulfillment of annihilation: sensual, physical, emotional. And then a bringing together of something else and it starts again.
♠ Oh Stephen Moyer. I’m not sure you fully grasp the effect you had when you put your arm up the group, crawled out of it butt naked and freshly regenerated, got your woman and ended up having sex on that same spot on the grave yard?!
The thing about vampirism is that it taps into a female point of view – you have an old-fashioned gentleman with manners who is a fucking killer… it’s an interesting duality, because in our present society it would be an odd thing for a woman to say, ‘I want my man to be physical with me.’ How, as a modern man, can you fucking work that? It’s one thing to be polite and gentle… But when do you know it’s OK to crawl out of the mud and rape her [as Bill does in one scene]?… It’s difficult stuff for a bloke, but a vampire gets away with it…. I think that’s the attraction of the show – it’s looking back at a romantic time when men were men, but they were still charming.
- Stephen Moyer in an interview with Nylon Magazine (September 2009) issue
♠ The female point of view, huh? It surely tapped into mine but seriously dear, you used the wrong word here. ‘Rape’? It was very consensual mind you and in fact, it looked so real considering that Stephen Moyer and Anna Paquin are a couple in real life. DAMN those sounds and their curious musical and rhythmic tempos of hands against some part of the body! It's like they already know where to put it! But seriously, how do you subtly give your man the idea that it’s okay for him to crawl out of the muddy ground and rape/ have sex you? TELL ME WHAT IS THE SAFE WORD THERE?! Though personally, that I wouldn’t mind. Starting under some soil and mud, in your grave, be rough… see where it takes you, darling.
♠ All this (stimulating) decadence aside, I love the exchanges of the characters. Or rather the dialogue that goes on between the characters aren’t just ‘filler’ ones but rather they’re pretty realistic especially when you notice how the trifles and raging fights between Bill and Sookie isn’t really about being ‘dead’ and ‘undead’ but the age difference (young and wise yet innocent versus centuries old of life experiences) . I love how no one in the series is presented as holier-than-thou and still have their nitty, gritty pettiness in them. We aren’t honest and even the series shows no hypocrisy. No royalty and intimidating flashiness of ‘grandeur’—even in the small town in America and anywhere else, we have to do what we need to do to get by. And that includes anything. The True Blood universe isn’t untouched by the problems of civil rights, class warfare, economic breakdowns, disease, war, crime (both made by the living and non-living residents)… it’s not in a strict sense a fantasy. For me it’s a strange relief.
♠ OH SEASON 2. I'M SO READY TO LAY MY HANDS, TEETH AND TONGUE ON YOU!
MUSIC: She Can't Say No～ノーと言えない女～ - Rie Fu
BOOK: Jonathan Strange & Mr. Norell - Susana Clarke | KOI: milord
♠ It is late August and outside a warm gush of wind blows and its night; I hate how the weather is disagreeable: it’s been an endless shift of hot and cold since two months ago. I’m sure you understand, we live under the same sky and breathe the same polluted Manila air. The only difference is that I’m here and you are there, out, somewhere I can’t reach into even as I try. Just a few minutes ago a conversation between me and a girl friend ensued about how there are men who are just simply refined and full of flowers, songs, poems, brilliancy in the use of language, souls (among many other things we talked about). And I felt it again after a while and it cuts me, whenever you emerge from the things filled with my soul and your remnants. Now I’m surprised that this—you—consume me until now.
♠ You let me have a part of what you are and your image, and I made them into several frustrated strings of words, poetry and stories. You had a mask and nightly I’d imagine that in my dreams, I’d take your mask and put it on somebody that may animate the face that once greeted me whenever I’m in need; even this cuts me now with a loneliness unexplainable. All these just not to ‘fade away’ and ‘forget’; beyond all compromise and mental reservations I have about you, still I choose to be committed and realize again how this irrevocable emotion remained even after years past.
Killing the time,
I bring it back to life,
With every tear that falls and falls and falls
And falls and falls
I let go of, I let go of another line
I leave it behind
The will to redefine,
With every thought that rains upon this lonely night
I let go of,
Your failure to be mine..
Colorway by Taken by Cars
MUSIC: Romantic - Rie Fub ♠ A low, slow, sultry day with the sky being a luminous white along with an annoying heat wave as early as 6.30 a.m today, which made my menstrual cramps hurt more. Heat and menstrual cramps are deadly a combination for me. Why now? I gloated and gloated until I found momentary comfort in reading some copies of Nylon magazine and realizing how annoying that bookstores don’t have copies of it anymore.
♠ Making NCPs and reports since yesterday afternoon and it never seems to stop. I’m rather tired and bored but always find myself taking myself back into my own hands and push it harder, farther… I think. I can. I MUST *groan*
♠ On a random note, hi Don, I miss you. We should have coffee next time though it’s also a shame that the only time we’ll be seeing each other lately is when exams start. Let’s be funnier the next time we see each other.
♠ A short trip to the mall with the family. Shopping is still therapeutic for me (crankiness caused by the weather), which I know I shouldn’t consider because pretty soon it may become an irreversible habit. But oh how money comes and goes all at once. It doesn’t help that I passionately want (note ‘passionately’ which means I’m close to buying it) my dream jacket that I saw in Topshop that costs around 1000+ php, which could be equivalent to several books in my book list or some the 20 DVDs of movies in my movie list. Or I could spend it all on just books, books, books or the figurines/ models that my mom insists I should stop buying.
♠ Watching Lady Gaga’s video of “Papparazzi”, I must admit, is my guilty pleasure. The fact that the video is visually stimulating with the dash of pop art colors here and there as well as pop culture symbolism: Lady Gaga in that Mickey Mouse-esque outfit blew me away and the Hitchcock Vertigo tribute scene was quite a nice touch/ metaphor for the effect of contributing to the song’s message… it’s obvious a lot of thought was put into it. Besides, my boy Alexander Skarsgård was there. I could only sit back in envy and grind my teeth as I saw Alex whisper Swedish (his mother tongue) love phrases to Ms. Germanotta and seize her from the bed like that. I mean, look at those arms and the way they flexed whenever he grabs her and adjust her in his lap! That’s the way to properly do it. It provided a glimpse of how a possible foreplay with Alexander looks like. I could only dream… Murdered models strategically placed around Gaga’s mansion in the video are another personal favorite of mine too; it was an unexpected but darling addition to the video.
♠ Alexander Skarsgård… RAWR~ Just when I thought you’d be enough as the brooding but whimsy Eric. Surprise me again please. Can’t wait for your next project ‘Straw Dogs’~
♠ You are mostly organized, more abstract, and both introverted and extroverted. Most people either love or hate Elmo. I hope you love Elmo, because that's who you are. Yeah, my Sesame Street persona is the red fiend Elmo! *facepalm* I didn’t really expect to get him but yeah, he’s a cute little dude and the part where it’s either you hate Elmo or like Elmo, that’s also true for me. Read my results here and the link is here also if you want to take the test as well.
♠ They will take most anything to a discussion, and if they can make people angry, all the better; they are good at heated discussions, but they themselves usually remain calm, or at least in control of the situation. The less control over themselves that their opponent has, the more they enjoy it. I DO enjoy seeing people getting worked up/ emotional, but I generally don’t care much. So I basically have medium tendencies on my control drama—an Interrogator is such, is that so? Here’s more of the results and the link is already there if you want to take the test yourself.
Lorenzo Agius Photography
The beautifully quirky Helena Bonham-Carter | Photography by the awe-inspiring Lorenzo Agius
Click HERE to view his online portfolio~♥
MUSIC: Give It Up - LCD Soundsystem
BOOK: Jonathan Strange & Mr. Norell - Susana Clarke | KOI: ...
♠ Defeat yesterday—it was quite grand and the pain and self-disappointment was seething like gall from their (Overlord and Le Tigre, specifically) mouths. The tears dared to burst since I’ve never been told bluntly “wala na… ibagsak na ito”. With myself, I know I could swallow such constructive criticisms but of course, it’s such a big bulk of gall to swallow. Though the pain was mostly rooted in the fact of my inconsistency, of how frightened I was no matter how I say it’s alright for me to take risks like that—like a small defense of our case, even just my efforts to speak up and try my best to give something, anything! But then I was frightened, my mind was incapable of thinking, I was paralyzed, shocked, reverted into my whirlpool of doubts. It resulted into a nauseating stasis, no force to urge me ad suddenly such small, simple actions such as speaking up became forbidding and enormous. Defeat in a sense I could no save myself from something that I knew was going to catch up to me and consume me one day.
♠ Bottom line: the case presentation was a learning experience in so many ways than one. It was our first case presentation and the first one, as they say, always hurts. It reflected too, who I was, who I became, which what I mentioned above. I swear to the gods, I’m ME and now I tell myself this and WILL (no not try—but ‘will’) be like this: you should not be bored, you should be able to think, accept, affirm—not retreat into that mental box where doubt and fear makes you want to break in so many irretrievable pieces like what usually happens before. Don’t ignore the all the people you could know and learn from by shutting yourself up in a numb defensive containment masked by perkiness that strains you. Consume all the Time offered to you, especially when given a chance to prove your own discipline so you don’t end up spending time in horror, gaping at the missed ‘one chance’ you’ll never have again.
♠ Oh thank the gods above and below for NG(without the T) Q1 with an additional R for blasting us full power of criticisms we’ve never known in our whole lives as students! Admirable and in a sense loathsome but I pay high respects for the people I’m pertaining despite bringing such death blows of words delivered that initially seemed like a spit on our pride and our efforts and seemed insulting as well. It was like a refreshing slap on the jab and a waking jab on the stomach. I have my time… I won’t be stuck in this limbo for too long. Here is my life, my mind: don’t panic!
♠ So that’s what a case presentation about Dengue Fever Syndrome taught me. Good bye Cardinal Santos Medical Center and Sir Era—I’m looking forward to be in your presence again. My group mates in RLE are by far the closest thing to comfort for me in my class at the moment. I’m rather happy I’m with such a group of people—so diverse and interesting 8D I've never been with people that much before other than my sweet screwy friends 8D
♠ I think it’s rather weird (weird as in completely bogus, completely off) that I did dream about Overlord last night: I was crying, he calmed me down with such a gentle face (impossible!), told me to come with him, he told me to hide in the floor of the backseat of his car to hide so the other won’t notice me or be suspicious. Drove around, he was talking about a story while he was driving (forgot what that was) and we were laughing. Laughing, with a character such as Overlord? *shudder* I have such the weirdest dreams.
♠ Now this is interesting news, btw. Scientists have recently discovered a fungus in Thailand that takes over the brain of ants and manages to make the ants mindlessly do the fungus’ bidding! Yep, that’s right—ant zombification in action. At the moment, the scientists have no clue how the fungus manages to control the ants so effectively.
♠ The ants the scientists have observed build hives in trees and forage (like scavenging) on the forest floor. And when these ants are taken over by this fungus, they just stick exclusively on the ground. A study was reported in the American Naturalist that says this is because the zombification fungus knows it will prosper closest to the ground, so it compels the ants to stay out of the trees.
♠ At first, the ants acts as a personal transportation service for the fungus, transporting the fungus to exactly where it wants to be (the leafy forest floor), and then the ant dies and becomes an abundant food source for the fungus. The fungus even forces the ant to clamp its mandibles onto a desirable leaf habitat, where it stays locked until its death. The point of it all: this fungus makes the ants do EXACTLY what it wants.
♠ Now this is happening in a small, insect scale. But what if this happened in a larger scale… on a human scale? Honestly, I can’t hide my excitement for the possibilities of witnessing this happen if it did. Makes me appreciate the planet Earth and shake my head—what else did I not know about Earth?! If it managed to infect us humans, then we’d be like the ants: the fungus would make us walk out of our normal daily routines, go to the forest, grab a tree, die SLOWLY on the forest floor while you’re curled up. You can’t thrash violently like a helpless fish out of the water or fight back and it drives you mad, knowing that it’s eating your brain from the inside. What if those obscure groups existing around the globe manages to get hold of this fungus and an experiment of theirs goes awry?
♠ I’m excited at the possibilities. If this can’t be a plot for a movie, then I’m just waiting for it to happen in real time. No need to pay for tickets.
SOURCE: LIVE SCIENCE
MUSIC: Old Enough - The Raconteurs
BOOK: Jonathan Strange & Mr. Norell - Susana Clarke | KOI: ...
♠ All joy for me since yesterday after finding someone—no not a lover—‘soul sister’ as Jerich termed it. I’ve found such a comforting niche, a fellow human to actually have a colloquy of sorts on the topics I have such passion about! If you know how it is to find yourself alone, post-class from mostly tedious sessions of nursing principles and theories (and cabin fever), I’m mentally involved in the endless cycle construction-deconstruction of an experimental world I’ll be filling up with characters to play with or non-school related musings including what was the author thinking when Mary Poppins came to existence especially the fact that even God the Father is afraid of her (she was a Nanny of Jesus)… But my weirdness, I mostly find, is at its brim. Jerich and I talked about ourselves and our mystical, fantastically grandiose tendencies and geekery (Marvel comics anyone?). Jerich and I talked about the worlds we’ve conjured up for a time while growing up: he described to me his world of creatures powered by the elemental forces of the sun and moon, how there’s such a dynamic relation between the two and how it eventually builds up into an epic war of sorts (think Tolkien-like worlds and the wars between the countries there). I had mentioned of the world (where Arisfaelle currently inhibits) that’s a Neo-Victorian set up with the brass, leather, gowns... which is actually an oligarchy state filled with the queer side of science (semen fetuses evolving to seminal homunculi anyone? Experiments on the extraction of the human souls… which is still so EVA-ish but in the 1800s, me thinks).
♠ It was a train of happy topics following from our mouths: demons, angels, fairies, mythologies, histories of our alter egos, critiqued the Hollywood-made movies of comic book starting from X-Men and the discrepancies they had with the idea of the Red Phoenix and Mystique to name a few… compared eventually DC and Marvel (we love Marvel—he likes Wonder Woman from DC while I shamelessly adored Harley Quinn) expressing what we couldn’t understand, quirks and tastes on literature, how we came to be (it all starts with Greek-Roman mythology, I swear) and everything else which would commonly bring reactions of raised eyebrows or blank stares of “WHUUUUT”… Whatever. I was happy, almost giddy of a sense of an actual conversation about those things! Oh yeah, let’s not forget conspiracy theories (oh Switzerland and the Northern hemisphere) which I shared mostly. The term would be ‘apple pie happy’—a tart sweetness sharply hits you in the teeth and you suddenly feel so damn healthy and resilient against the crushing forces and demands of the World.
♠ Jerich, we shall talk of world history (gradually from each part of the world), esotericism, the peculiarities of our favorite people in the world from authors, actresses to probably pron as well. You are a seriously major surprise for a tired lost soul like me. HAHA!
♠ Other than the net still being a bitch, the weather is too. The air outside is thick and heavy which seems like it’s really set into a slow yet steady broil. I’m completely unfit for these kinds of weathers, strangely given my true heritage (that should be suited for this tropical weather). This brings about fear and loathing… UGH. They should stop doing that, causing the climate change. It’s not the Earth. Human forces somewhere are probably tweaking some mechanisms or even satellites to bring about this. And then world’s axis changes and tilts in the wrong way—Southeast Asia will be no more since it’s under the water and the whole western hemisphere would probably be high and dry. Screw your ‘atmospheric experiments’. You guys know who you are.
♠ Andrew Bird is my new musical love. I love his voice, the eclectic sounds he produces coming from his guitar and the songs itself—they have so much character. He is obviously a well-read musician and his songs reflect that aspect of him; how his songs manage to be a clever and unique narrative. I imagine myself listening to him into a partially darkened room, where a car light come streaming along the wall, slanting at first then gone. Unwinding in the dark tide and you’re lost and perplexed with unexplainable melancholia and comfort altogether. He writes about the human condition so beautifully.
Poor Professor Pynchon had only good intentions
When he put his Bunsen burners all away
And turning to a playground in a Petri dish
Where single cells would swing their fists
At anything that looks like easy prey
In this nature show that rages every day
It was then he heard his intuition say
We were all basically alone
And despite what all his studies had shown
That what's mistaken for closeness
Is just a case of mitosis
And why do some show no mercy
While others are painfully shy?
Tell me doctor, can you quantify?
He just wants to know the reason why
The reason why?
Imitosis – Andrew Bird
MUSIC: today's playlist -
BOOK: Jonathan Strange & Mr. Norell - Susana Clarke | KOI: ...
Oh, let the lyrics do the talking. Yet again, I find myself feeling on the low and it’s slipping lower. Beck and The Raconteurs are so fucking ace. These three songs are coincidentally, my favorite songs from these artists.
I been drifting along in the same stale shoes
Loose ends tying a noose in the back of my mind
If you thought that you were making your way
To where the puzzles and pagans lay
I'll put it together: It's a strange invitation
When I wake up someone will sweep up my lazy bones
And we will rise in the cool of the evening
I remember the way that you smiled
When the gravity shackles were wild
And something is vacant when I think it's all beginning
Jack-Ass by Beck
+++++++++++++++
Lightbulbs are getting dim
My interests are starting to wane
I'm told it's everything a man could want
And I shouldn't complain
Conversations getting dull
There's a constant buzzing in my ears
Sense of humor's void and numb
And I'm bored to tears
Consolers of the Lonely - by the Raconteurs
++++++++++++++
Yeah and the feeling that you gave me
No matter what I do or where I go
It always will remain
And those who would enslave me to get to me must get past
you and will have no luck
Cause you'll protect me from all pain
The most beautiful, yeah the most beautiful thing cause anything else can't compare
Must be the blood that's running through your blue veins
Your blue veins
Blue Veins by The Raconteurs
MUSIC: I'll be Yours (Version 4am) - Placebo
BOOK: Jonathan Strange & Mr. Norell - Susana Clarke | KOI: milord
♠ The Monochrome Party last Saturday was brilliant. I felt such a strong, silted-up force that makes one move through the air like swimming and with my friends, it wasn’t difficult to move with such brave ease. The dance songs were getting under my skin and by that time, I was screaming my heart out in admiration to the people and things I found so attractive and such a turn-on. In the company of my friends, all of us and cleaned up and dressed up, beaming, armed with a devil-may-care attitude against the neon lights and the epic smoke effects they had (hahaha~ nice touch btw): LOVE. Note: have found a lovely specimen, a sylph of a girl who left me on the prowl for her and once again be familiar with the cocky thin mouth and teeth armed with braces, which she let it’s magic workings do it’s work while she danced in that mini-showdown. She was effortlessly commanding when she danced *diesnow*♥ Also found a lovely boy reminiscent of Jamie Bell’s Griffin, especially with that scowl he poses as he dances. Oh, cheers to Overlord for looking quite… dashing in that ensemble. Black on black with a hint of white in the collar on such a thin frame = a deadly combination for me ♥ Had to admit though I was so fixated on him the whole night/morning. Shame he swings the other way around. But nothing beats my friends & the effect they have on me: simple companionship but it just hit the spot, since I’ve been needing of the old feeling of our togetherness that prevailed all throughout the second sem in 2nd year. Let’s do it all over again, please?
♠ Yesterday we had a ‘self-awareness’ activity in NCM class, which our professor said was a preview of what we’re going to do in psychiatric nursing which I’m excited to do. Shared to them about the tidbit about how I had such boiling, raging, murderous anger I had towards him ages ago. My mother was frustrated at me as well at that time—I find it funny how I hated him immensely and my mother always told me I’m my father’s daughter, resembling him in more ways than her. The Father and me are alright now however it didn’t mean I forgot nor forgiven him. Ironically, I love him too much to always care for him and it made me sick sometimes.
♠ Shared also about milord STFN: the edifice of love and respect built over those months; such bliss that I felt no one could ever, ever hurt me. I was different, but important, appreciated, loved and that confident surge of exuberance back then. It all came back: my friends and him, my only solid support systems and providers of those incandescent moments that I’ve grown to know and felt I could live my life in the light of the past and hope and know a future just for me.
♠ As I was sharing these, I was rather high and distant. Such dichotomy exists between these two pivotal men; each experience I wouldn’t trade for another, wholly different one. Realized once again that I’m living now, that both of these men were in my mind, my blood, guts and I’m acting now because they’re alive.
♠ Your balanced mix of style, sense, and aggression make you almost completely unpredictable, both in combat and in discussion. No one is able to predict exactly what you're going to do and say, much less what you're thinking. What color would your lightsaber be?...
♠ Dependent. Realistic. Passionate. Explicit. You are the most ravenous of hearts, the Soldier of Fortune. You desire love, but on your terms and no one else's.The Heart Test
MUSIC: Tonight - Sixpence None the Richer
BOOK: Jonathan Strange & Mr. Norell - Susana Clarke | KOI: Mr. O
♠ I dreamt about you, what we did and how it was brief. Your hands and mine, crossed over and I smiled knowing that they felt exactly how I imagined them to be. We were in a quaint little café: cream colored table cloths; iron wrought seats with thick comfortable cushions as our seats; small peonies blooming in flower boxes nearby; being surrounded by a flurry of people with blurred silhouettes; an irresistible aroma of something sugary and yeasty in the air; conversations; laughter; me and you. You were having strong coffee and I had a cappuccino and you were so silent but intent on your grip of my hand while your eyes wandered around. I talked about geo-engineering, of how ethics did exist in the realm of the environment (haha I know right? Geek mode), about how close we are to dystopia, how I unfulfilled I still am. That brooding face was plastered on you yet again and I felt tired for always chasing you down and where you walk you murder hearts. I took my hand abruptly but you gripped it tighter and looked at me. You bent over and said, ‘in my head I was arranging for us systems of closeness… to make up for me being too silent, almost absent to you’. And you know what? You gave a quick scribble of a pen on my paper, stood, patted me on the head lovingly, a quick ‘see you later’ and was gone. In my dream I almost laughed out loud; you gave me the 100 I never got for my paper.
Name: Riza
Age: 19 going on 10
Job: World Explorer, student, slacker, dreamer, artist, puppeteer, stalker, chevalier, Cydonian Knight, active Humint Resource of Project United States of Eurasia
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