MUSIC: Tonight - Sixpence None the Richer
BOOK: Jonathan Strange & Mr. Norell - Susana Clarke | KOI: Mr. O

♔ UNEXPECTED from Lord Morpheus ♔

♠ I dreamt about you, what we did and how it was brief. Your hands and mine, crossed over and I smiled knowing that they felt exactly how I imagined them to be. We were in a quaint little café: cream colored table cloths; iron wrought seats with thick comfortable cushions as our seats; small peonies blooming in flower boxes nearby; being surrounded by a flurry of people with blurred silhouettes; an irresistible aroma of something sugary and yeasty in the air; conversations; laughter; me and you. You were having strong coffee and I had a cappuccino and you were so silent but intent on your grip of my hand while your eyes wandered around. I talked about geo-engineering, of how ethics did exist in the realm of the environment (haha I know right? Geek mode), about how close we are to dystopia, how I unfulfilled I still am. That brooding face was plastered on you yet again and I felt tired for always chasing you down and where you walk you murder hearts. I took my hand abruptly but you gripped it tighter and looked at me. You bent over and said, ‘in my head I was arranging for us systems of closeness… to make up for me being too silent, almost absent to you’. And you know what? You gave a quick scribble of a pen on my paper, stood, patted me on the head lovingly, a quick ‘see you later’ and was gone. In my dream I almost laughed out loud; you gave me the 100 I never got for my paper.

July 27 2009 | Monday

MUSIC: Rinbu~revolution~(少女革命ウテナ OST) - Masami Okui
BOOK: Jonathan Strange & Mr. Norell - Susana Clarke | KOI: le Doctor M.B

♔ EXTENDED WEEKEND ♔

♠ Wonderful, blissful sleep that lasts for 8 hours: blessing. The sky outside is tinted a warm yellow against the dominant shade of a cerulean blue and the rooftops smoldering under the morning heat of the angry sun and it tells me again that the world has this shaping force. And this force prolifically springs and make up its own worlds with more inventiveness. It brings natural impetus and if I don’t do anything, the world- my world goes on without meaning. We must keep moving, working, making our dreams run forward, much further, stretch it to distance without thinking of the limits. We can’t be in poverty of our dreams—that just sucks.

♠ As of late, I struggle most with communication with my patients in the ward. To start with, I’m such an introvert and also I don’t care much for strangers at all despite them being ill and all. Of course I recognize them with dignity but I’m just emotionally unavailable for them to seem warm, comforting and therapeutic especially in their time of stress. The paper works: fine, I could manage with that but I space out whenever I’m there in the ward. So tricky and difficult to seem to enthusiastic and engaged. Sympathizing with them?... well I could but empathize? Not so much. Could I at least get high to make it feel alright and to just be a simple passing thing for me?

Please check out also my group mates'/ friends' blogs for more detailed misadventures of our hospital duties!
♠ Jerich
♠ Dubhie

♔ PHOTOGRAPHY ♔

♠ This is where I really want to be right now. I’d like to run the fields and be like an unfettered bird. (image via TUMBLR)

♔ THINGS I LOVE ♥ ♔

Christian Bale, Frank Whaley and Robert Sean Leonard in Swing Kids (1993)
Architects Gran Adjedrez M, C and D for their whacked out genius creating epic collateral damage when their individual geniuses combine | Project United States of Eurasia (Bravo Niner) | the Architects recognizes me an Active Humint Resource | killer arpeggios in symphonic electronic music | my mother’s stomach massage when I have a case of abdominal pain | Baby, It's Cold Outside by Ella Fitzgerald & Louis Jordan | the boy which makes me feel not just a princess but a Queen (says I’m a combination of Elizabeth I and Marie Antoinette haha) | The Carpenters blasting from my stereo during early mornings | the marauders in the movie Doomsday | my doodle notebook | mary janes | the young Robert Sean Leonard and Christian Bale dancing the swing with jerky energy! | the 1993 film Swing Boys | purple nail polish from Face Shop | friends who text my clinical instructor asking them to take care of me | my dad’s hearty laugh | lunches with the family during Sundays | cute bookstore clerks who smile at you | Lovepet pens | my duty uniform | Orsino's hands, which I think are timeless | Oxford shoes | Los Campesinos! | the Miu Miu bow bags | the view of the blue-deep pink sky from High Street at late afternoons | the idea of going to New York soon as I pass the board exams |damask patterns as wallpaper for rooms (which is my dream room) | girls + science fiction-esque style = SO FUKKEN HOT *drool* | today's AFTERNOON PLAYLIST:

July 22 2009 | Wednesday

MUSIC: 쏘리 쏘리 (Sorry, Sorry) - Super Juniors
BOOK: Jonathan Strange & Mr. Norell - Susana Clarke | KOI: le Doctor M.B

♔ CAMERA CAKES = ♥ ♔

More pictures of food!♥♥♥ :D This time is a pretty camera cake (image via TUMBLR)

♔ POST TEST & ANOTHER PHASE OF AUDIO VISUAL STIMULATION LEADING TO LOSS OF MENTAL STABILITY ♥ ♔

♠ First of all, I didn’t like the NCM 101 exam~ BOO! I expect major failure for me and it would be a shining miracle if manage to pass that one. The foreboding feeling of failure creeps in slowly in the back of my head…

♠ However that looming cloud of disappointment was gone as soon as I’m with my lovely friends ♥ It’s been too long, I kept telling everyone since we last hung out and made beautiful music (actually songs we made together sounds like something under the influence of alcohol). Went straight to Seattle’s Best at High Street immediately after and made weird thundering shouts along the way while we walked. Jer’s ginger cookies which he gave me earlier this morning as a token of gratitude, was passed along to everyone and surprised their taste buds since it’s not everyday that they heard of ‘ginger cookies’. After more than an hour of hanging out there, with cookies and a variety of flavored doughnuts from Krispy Kreme and drinks from SBC, Lala’s place was the next stop over.

Larissa, Peps, Don and I busied ourselves with South Park, improvised compos and HAARP. The thing is I’ll never get tired of HAARP and it’s such an epic gift MUSE gave to their fans on the blessed day of June 16 and 17 last 2007. Such artistry and a mélange of sounds that (in my opinion) cuts you deep, deep into your body and reaches something in you that makes you come alive ♥♥♥ It amazes me how every song they created finds a niche in my psyche and just becomes one with me. Their music contributes to how music is meant to be—just a beautiful fucking thing to listen to, such a brilliant art form. ANYWAY, before I disappear into my own world of MUSE worship (I’d kiss their shadows and the ground which they tread upon if I could)… let me just say yet again how profound HAARP’s effects are on me. Apart from my deep reverence and admiration for the music and the band, I had to excuse myself from the other comments I made, which I should have restrained myself from saying given their lustful and perverse nature. Yes Don, I am indeed a SICK-OWH as you emphasized for the nth time today and obviously repressed given how I acted a while ago. Excuse again my uncomfortable fumblings and mutters of … BLAH (ohMicoulddolotsofthingswithyourhands asidefromlettingyouuseit ontheguitarandpianoheehee) ♥

♠ Head bang along with some songs (some Cradle of Filth, some Greyhoundz, some Bullet for my Valentine and some Dragon Force) with epic guitar solos, which we all loved. Raffy came much later bringing gifts of huge classic Lays, which threw me off the coarse of my supposedly junk food diet. BLEGH~ They made random compos again on various topics… I love them so much. We all agreed that we’d definitely go to the acquaintance party this year since it’s the only day in our busy schedules that allows us to be together 8D And you know what? We were supposed to ‘study’ as soon as we get to Lala’s place. So much for Pharma and CHD study time a while ago

♠ I’ll be having my duty starting Thursday at Cardinal Santos Hospital for another two weeks and my shift is from 2-10… We’re assigned to the ward area, which they say is toxic since you’re given plenty of paper works and stuff to monitor. This just means I’ll be terribly busy for another few days or so, depending on how I manage myself with all the requirements. No entries if that happens I guess. But I’ll try to. I love blogging and my blog… practically matured having this virtual diary around for years now (refer to my weird previous entries full of young girl gushes and random stuff).

Last one: one from my many loves ♥ Thinking about what he’ll write or say next… He’s a brilliant well-read eccentric man with the weirdest theories on how the Universe came about (he contends spiders have something to do with it). Preparing for the latest Project he (& 2 other lovely People): Ununited States of Eurasia. Possible collateral damage pretty soon *spazzes* He said:

THE POLITICS OF LEISURE DETERS ANGER

If I went on with this so-called politics of my leisure, definitely it’ll deter anger in the form of crap grades >_>

July 21 2009 | Tuesday

MUSIC: Anyone Else But You - Micheal Cera & Ellen Page
BOOK: Jonathan Strange & Mr. Norell - Susana Clarke | KOI:

♔ AN UPDATE! ♔

♠ Excuse the lack of updates for almost two weeks since I’ve been a very busy individual since July 9 and most recently, my computer contracted the Trojan a few days earlier. Kuroichi (my computer) being sick limps me without his aid especially in the accomplishment of school requirements (papers and such) and having virtual conversations with people I love dearly but are too far away. I’ve never been this attached to an object before and my computer and I could literally be attached to the hip, if he wasn’t restricted on being stuck on my desk in my room. And since I’ve got awesome loyal friends who’re technically ‘computer doctors’, Kuroichi’s ailment was attended to immediately and I’ve nothing to worry about for the time being. All that’s left is to download further essentials such as iTunes, Adobe Reader, YM, Skype, etc.

♔ AND THE PAST TWO WEEKS HAVE MADE ME ... ♔

♠ If it was possible, R would no longer go back to the confinements of the classroom at school and she’d just settle for days that involved hospital duties around various hospitals and be actually exposed—right out in the open armed only with years of collected nursing principles, procedures and other theories in her mind. She would never ever mind that because before, when she wanted action, any sort of action that was stimulating and satisfied her other than being miserable in endless lectures on nursing this and that for the most part… it wasn’t coming to her! The action wasn’t coming to her and now, after two weeks of my first hospital duty in a public hospital and assigned to the delivery room for that matter, she has found something that was brimming with every little lively thing she wanted. There were hands-on experiences, observations of various medical procedures so different from discussing it only in the classroom where you’re left with your imagination to visualize what actually goes on—and now an opportunity to observe such in actual! One could literally smell the blood, the sweat, the shit, hear the screams, moans, cries of pain and relief and be all in that same space, experiencing it. All of it so grand and beautiful; experiencing life and death (literally) within a small part of a hospital.

♠ It means plenty for me, being able to be part of that grand scheme, playing a role of a nurse. And me, I just get by and must admit that even now, still a big part of my heart is not into it. And yet I love what I happens within those RLE days… it was the literal opposite of the routine, the rote, the emptiness I grew sick and weary of. Of course my life is still the messy, inconclusive, disorganized one but this is such a smooth, small ground of a feeling of fulfillment that’s strangely comforting. And I love the feeling I’m not forcing myself to be babbling like this :D

♠ I love my group mates. They’re a peculiar set and I’ve been blessed they’re actually personalities that I liked in people. Together we’re having a grand time, so far as our hospital experiences went. Gods bless births, episiotomy, fistulotomy, ex-laps, intestines, D & Cs, cord cares, hospitals… I’ve seen various sizes, shapes, appearances of vaginas, cervixes, placentas, smelled the blood of women coming for that blessed orifice, seen infections, large intestines, dead fetuses and bonuses of penises and the smell of cauterized human flesh that resembled a beefy smell XD All of it so enriching to me!

♔ Dani: If I was just a little older I could do EVERYTHING couldn’t I, Court? ♔

♠ The other day, I got to watch the film ‘The Man in the Moon’ for the second time around; the first time being years ago when I was in grade school. It’s purely awesome that I was still able to remember that the girl who played the lead character was Reese Witherspoon and I’ve been searching for the movie for years now. The internet doesn’t have it, much to my disappointment but Velvet Channel aired it last Saturday and it was a good way to end that tiring day (last day of hospital duty of our first rotation)♥

♠ The plot is set in the last 1950s in rural Louisiana and revolves around the coming-of-age of a scrawny 14 year old Dani (played by a young Reese Witherspoon) and life isn’t so sweet or grand for her with everyone busy with their own thing: her older, smarter and beautiful sister is attending school by Fall; her mother is pregnant with their fourth child and dad is getting stricter with them. Dani feels stuck, bored and restricted with everyone reasoning and insisting her that she’s too young to do anything she wants. She wants something different from her nondescript life and can’t wait to experience life to the fullest. Things change for her when she meets 17-year-old Court when she goes skinny dipping one day in the pond. They have a roué in an instant and seemed not to get along. Later she finds out that Court is the son of their neighbors who own the farm next to them (Court’s family left when Dani was just a baby) and Court’s family decided to return for good in the neighborhood. Eventually after hanging out a lot, Dani falls in love for the first time with Court and Court develops a strong connection with Dani as well. Court obviously likes Dani’s vibrant and high-spirited character and direct way of expressing her love for him. He, however, feels a sense of guilt given that Dani’s way younger than him and he must prioritize his responsibilities as the man of his family (his mother is a widow taking care of his 2 younger brothers). Emotional and sexual tension between them fly high (they eventually kiss) but eventually this all changes when Dani’s older sister Maureen comes home and Maureen appealing more to Court’s ‘standards’ of a girl he wanted to date (in one scene where Dani and Court were swimming, Dani asked Court what were his hopes were and Court jokingly replies he hopes Dani grows up and have bigger boobs). Court’s feelings get jumbled up after that moment and soon, things start to go wrong with Dani finding the strength to deal with an unexpected tragedy.

♠ I thought the film was brilliant and the director paid enough attention to the details in order to make the film have a visual and emotional impact on the audience. From the music to the excellent cinematography saturated in hues of warm yellows and soft browns capturing the atmosphere of warm summers in the rural states… it was great. I love watching early 1990s movies since they deliver such a wave of nostalgia I wouldn’t mind drowning in ♥ “The Man in the Moon” is a must-see for this beautiful portrayal of life in the perspective of a young adolescent.

July 6 2009 | Monday

MUSIC: Pure Morning - Placebo
BOOK: Jonathan Strange & Mr. Norell - Susana Clarke | KOI:

♔ ON LOCAL R-related NEWS ♔

♠ I won’t deny that I rather enjoyed today, compared to the passed nondescript days spent within the confinements of the school. My rather good mood is the result of a conversation earlier today with a bunch of classmates (namely Jerich, Dubhie, Jamie and Joseph) about various topics. We talked about our families and the unique trivialities our familial backgrounds had compared to the other and then this shifted to talking about our dreams like Jer’s dream to step into the consecrated grounds of the prestigious Julliard School before he leaves the earth to my dream of traveling the world and probably take on Forensic Psychology and buying castles in the English countryside. And then we talked about esoteric knowledge and our individual faith. We talked about the human soul, in which ways we could transcend ourselves (not in a Catholic perspective mind you, since it turns out we were all Deists), reincarnation, the fluidity of time and the possibilities that various ‘Times’ exists (relativity and quantum physics anyone?), how we felt about organized religion (we are not followers of it, but do not condemned or completely ignore their existence). Just as it was getting quite good, we were interrupted since our group had to report on NCM lectures. It was a rather good spontaneous conversation and everyone was pretty much into the mood and we were naturally articulate on such topics. Thank gods for rare moments like these at school—such small strains of vitality at it’s fullest shared by the people who have the least common interests with each other.

♠ I have a fascination for cute food like these awesome Super Mario inspired cupcakes ♥ (image from: TUMBLR)

♠ Yesterday was good too. I was in a very, very good mood since I was able to purchase clothes (satiated my material needs, yes) and I was able to roam around with my close blood relations, smell the sanitized, sharp and heavy aroma the aircon at Fully Booked gives off and be full with a heavy cheeseburger meal. For the most part of the day, I kept looking down at my red-orange painted toe nails and loved how they make that statement, even if they were just toenails, that weren’t even perfectly shaped into a curving square tip. Yesterday was a very, very good day and it rained too.

♠ Received news as well that my personal gods, MUSE, are going to release something on September 14 this year. Yup, you read right. MUSE is going to fucking release a fucking new album and it’s called: The Resistance. I immediately went to my calendar and marked the days in between, just before September the 14th. GODS, I CAN’T WAIT.

♠ Last Saturday was the capping and pinning ceremony for our batch. It was the symbolic ceremony, before we proceed to dirty our hands and our immaculate white duty uniforms with blood and body secretions in our respective hospital duties. I love my duty uniform! I looked tall, clean and regal. The ceremony itself was brilliant and amusing and it delivered the right amount of a good mood for everyone to be hyped up and feel rather good about themselves donning the caps and pins. All of us that day emanated loveliness and potential of all sorts not just in one aspect of our lives as nursing students, but as plain existing humans. Everyone emanated a sense of tingling giddiness; it filled the whole beautifully set up convention hall. OMAKE: Picture of NURSE RIZA on that day!

July 2 2009 | Thursday

MUSIC: Gimme, Gimme, Gimme - The Misfits
BOOK: Jonathan Strange & Mr. Norell - Susana Clarke | KOI:

♔ JEM IS MY NAME, NO ELSE IS THE SAME, JEM IS MY NAME! ♔

♠ Look what I found! Oh it brings back a lot of memories from childhood: from the scabbed knees, to the young adventurer streak imaging your house was a castle in a siege and the loudest tantrums ever when the T.V was denied from you, most especially if Jem and the Holograms was on. I was but a wee girl of 5 and I clearly remember this, since there was a lot going on around me that I had to absorb (which I did). By that time, children would have developed that keen sense of conscious of everything they feel, smell, touch, hear and most especially, see. Jem was outrageous and it was the animated series that was such a dazzling pop music experience for a young girl like me. Indulging in Jem, in what she looked like and her assertive, head girl quality was wonderful to observe daily in my young girl eyes. Besides, the series balanced whatever crassness or boyishness I had back then, as evident by my fervent love for the early Transformers toons.

♠ I remember watching it on weekdays, just after school and at that time, the boring short school periods provided a backdrop, a setting to where Jem and the Holograms was a dazzling departure for that. The show was aesthetically pleasing to me (the proportions were right) that served as a basis for my drawing skills; after each episode I draw them trying to get the head shape and limbs 2D looking as possible and I knew it was way better than boring stick figures. Apart from this fact, I sensed the complicated dramatic plots the show offered and I liked it, with having Synergy to transform you into this beautiful alter-ego. She had the best of both worlds—she was a rich business woman and she was a rock star with fab make-up and clothes to match. Besides, the other Holograms were equally as fun and as fashionable as Jem. But yeah the Holograms and Jem… they were more inclined to be stuck-up and just peachy. HAHA!

♠ After watching several episodes earlier today, I found it so amusing that even when the girls go to sleep, they still have those bright neon eye shadows on. Pimple alert! Nevertheless, the show was the cartoon soap opera at the time… well it was for me, anyway. The later seasons got more interesting, with the characters being more fleshed out than flat in the earlier episodes, especially the Misfits (truth to be told, I loved them more since season 3). Everyone started to become trippy and back then as a young audience, you got to love the fact of how it all become so exotic and more ‘adult-ish’ with the themes of surgery, of financial problems, criminal offenses, of two-timing (courtesy of Rio—gave young girls their first impression of how we can become jerks in relationships at times, like that idiot Rio).

♠ On another note, I think the show could’ve done alright without Synergy. Mainly she was just that virtual make-up artist for them. HMM… that would be convenient in a sense. Oh well. Oh Jem! SUCH A GIRL SHOW IT WAS! Thank gods I went through that phase and I didn’t have to experience it being dubbed in Tagalog!

♠ I’m so glad I did this entry than that school rant, which I intended to write~ hee hee~ This prompts me to make more entries about my Golden Childhood, surrounded by the best toons one could ever be exposed with. The 90s was the Golden Era of toons and that is a damned fact.

June 30 2009 | Tuesday

MUSIC: Citizen Erased - MUSE
BOOK: Many Waters - Madeleine L'Engle | KOI:

♔ NEGATIVITY ♔

♠ Oh yes, the perfect advice for me at the moment.
♠ Lying in bed per usual Tuesday mornings, I started worrying how horribly I’ve been doing academically. Gods, I felt sick or just started to. The remainders of last week have taken its toll on me for the beginning of this week. RLE classes had bled me dry of my usual happy, ‘motivated’ attitude thus no upward plunges of ecstasy lately that I’ve been craving for so long. This ecstasy I would define as a a self-fulfilled emotion bursting in me, without any complaints and fully satisfied (add here an imaginary pat on my back for a job well done). Something is missing—a positive catalyst of any sorts to accelerate me, to push forward in this annoying process. This semester is a long one and for its beginnings, it’s all in a stasis of ‘average’, ‘mediocre’, empty—LIFELESS. Obviously how can I breathe life into something my heart is not with? I never thought (yes, blessed wonderful solid deep thinking), never drew, never suffered (I enjoy exhaustion for something I even have the faintest love of). Time runs so, so terribly fast for me to catch and even steal a moment of getting into myself and rummage through the already barren cubicles of my soul, my mind to even have a miniscule of creative, raw, bursting, positive SOMETHING to get by. Help? I imagine myself continuously ricocheting in my retreat of numbness against the real world, where you’ll see me smile broadly (it’s sarcastic btw).

♠ In addition, I’ve been in such a bad mood because of the internet. FUCK YOU PLDT. FUCK YOU AND YOUR DYSFUNCTIONAL SO CALLED DSL SERVICE. FUCK YOU! Called a while ago. Girl said I’m terribly sorry, there’s a problem in the network, we can’t attend to that for a mean time but we’ll try. FOR 2 MONTHS? I’m sure I’m not alone in this. FUCK. It’s so unbelievably stressful how it’s already such a dragging pain from where you’re coming from and then you come home to annoying shit such as those. I haven’t been able to download anything for the longest time because of this.

♠ Since I’ve been feeling heavy and under the weather, I went to SM Megamall and Shangrila to attend to my materialistic needs. Surprisingly, I didn’t see any article of clothing that made me feel ‘light’ and ‘pretty’ (and there was something but must make note that when going to ZARA bring extra cash). In the end, I only purchased a book, which was another anthology by Ellen Datlow (SF obviously), sandals and a notebook (un-ruled imagine that). I still felt empty after that, surprisingly. And here I am, writing this new entry, brooding and feeling that naked fear which lights the fire of my self-preservation against the Things that have been breaking me apart *groan*

♔ POSITIVITY: THINGS I LOVE ♥ ♔

♠ This entry has been dragging and negative. So now, I’ll list the things I LOVE. One thing that’s true is when you remember the things you love it really puts you in a better mood.

♥ Photo via TUMBLR ♥

♥ The live versions of MUSE’s Stockholm Syndrome, it always put me in that right raging, biting, feel good euphoria |♥ the purple-orange-red sunset against the silhouettes of buildings in the Global City area |♥ Quickmelt Egg Omelettes, which I learned from Val |♥ my friends in the San Juan area, they always make me laugh even for the wrong reasons HAHA |♥ coffee flavored ice cream sticks |♥ cardigans |♥ Leo, who’s been an awesome pet (he says I’m his Taiga to his Ryuuji) and makes me feel good for taking care of kids like him haha |♥ having the opportunity to read my kind of books in between my tedious classes |♥ Michael Jackson’s song ‘I’m Bad’ hee hee |♥ cute boys who’re sales persons in book stores like in Fully Booked Serendra hee hee |♥ holding conversations in my head |♥ the dreams I had which involved running around in vast grasslands found behind regular looking buildings |♥ the Lolita audiobook which Jeremy Irons read and I listen to it on most nights before going to bed haha (Mr. Irons, I imagined, is beside me while I sleep whispering those words *die) |♥ vibrant blue skies |♥ my mismatched socks | looking at pretty hands |♥ guys with eye glasses with brooding looks | ♥ a female classmate of mine who’s always genuinely happy by not being too overly perky

June 23 2009 | Tuesday

MUSIC: Martini - Incubus
BOOK: Cryptonomicon - N. Stephenson | KOI:

♔ THE UBER BELATED BIRTHDAY POST ♔

♠ I turned 19 last June 19 which was a Friday last week. I appreciated the effort that most of my friends actually decided to greet me via SMS on the stroke of 12 midnight! ♥ Nothing much but a simple celebration with cake and 14 inch pizzas shared with my immediate family. It wasn’t epic but still, I have no complaints. I got enough rest for that day anyway, that’s all that matters. On a Sunday, my group of friends from San Juan surprised me with a get-together and I didn’t have to spend anything! XDD They were terribly sweet♥♥♥

♠ June 9 already passed but nevertheless… Belated happy 31st birthday to Matt B! I love you so much!

♠ Belated happy birthday to Miah, who turned 17 last June 15!

♠ Belated happy birthday as well to my good friend Peps who turned 20 last June 17!

♠ And today, my good friend Don is celebrating his birthday! Happy Birthday Don!

♔ RECOVERY PERIOD ♔

♠ A recuperation period for me once again, with meds and a lengthy amount of rest to make me physically better. Yesterday’s high-grade fever forced me not to attend school; if I really could manage by myself, I would’ve attended especially knowing there were two quizzes at stake. The persisting fever prevented me from doing so and took half a day for it to settle down. Honestly, it was a good break being physically and mentally (wanted to get away) sick and it was rather nice to be able to hide away and stay in a peaceful stagnant pool and withdraw from reminders of any sort of vitality. I wasn’t up to anything ‘lively’ at the moment. Fever came back last night and earlier this morning, I woke up feeling refreshed with my head feeling much better, not stuffed and my scratchy throat— gone. Much later I’ll get back to my responsibilities and try to study and study and make note of this and that and try to make sense of my time. I’ve been putting off my academics for other choices time could offer me like the luxury of reading non-Nursing related books and shopping (I’ve been itching to go to the mall! It’s been a month!).

♠ Yesterday I received a message from a former professor of mine at school. It’s now officially a ‘former’ since he’s no longer teaching at school (for reasons he elaborated on the message). It was surprising since I was rather fond of him as mentor even though he teaches a minor subject in Nursing. His class reflected a small world of what "it could’ve been" given I had another option not to take this course I’m trying (in vain) to finish. He made me very proud of myself, even if I was awkward. He satiated the challenge I wanted. He was a fucking good role model for me*sigh* (and he's gone haha) You too will be missed, sir.

June 15 2009 | Monday

MUSIC: Keikoku - SIAM SHADE
BOOK: Cryptonomicon - N. Stephenson | KOI:

♔ THE FIRST DAY: 1st SEM 09-10 ♔

♠ First day of classes and sitting still, trying to very much to behave and not call any unnecessary attention from a professor, was difficult and made me wish there was a window found inside the classroom. With nothing to look at aside from the drab white walls of our classrooms and my classmates intent faces directed at the professor whilst they talked and discuss… I was miserable for a few moments. Not that I detested the classroom environment (it’s a motivating workplace; believe me—thus good for someone like me) but rather I need something else to look at. It was a bright June day… There was an icy wind whipping the sky into a white and blue froth. I could only have that luxury in my mind to stay in a workplace where I can see actual sunlight slanting diagonally across my school desk and looking out that imaginary classroom window, the bright shades of greens—yellow-green, lime, asparagus, fern, moss, olive—in plants, in trees perfectly illuminated. Classrooms in Japan are something to be envied *sigh*

♠ Same faces though with a more welcoming and familiar aura no doubt after spending summer with N313 and amiable professors (so far). My mind is too far off. It surprises me at times how my mind yields in accepting all those new information, knowledge and exchanged sensible classroom dialogues and I STILL manage to jot down notes. It’s a compulsion to me, writing notes… that’s why I never appreciated photo copies of any lectures that much. While I can and if time permits it, I’d choose to write down notes like what happened earlier. Mostly I didn’t listen unless I feel the need to or if it was interesting enough to keep me attentive for 1 hour and 30 minutes. Or I just have this fascination for notebooks and clean blank paper and writing and reading what I write, no matter what subject matter it is, on the spot even when pressed for time. I deserve a pat on a back for these things I do; so far as I’ve observed no one is patient enough to do what I do.

♠ A clinical instructor has sent me a note: “You are very creative! Believe in yourself and have so much faith in your capabilities!” and then she gave me a 100% on the paper I’ve submitted over the summer. It was to boost my self-confidence, which must’ve been lacking in the paper I wrote and she saw it. I read it seriously for only the second time around (it was a rushed submission—typed then passed immediately) and I did put my self in the paper as someone who apparently shies away. I’m very awkward and conscientious about myself which I still do (I'm trying to work on it), but this is better than wasting Time and being wasted by Time.

♠ If I want to be alone, please let me be. Even in between classes so I can have that luxury of burying myself within a book that’s NOT Nursing-related or academic-related for that matter. I enjoy those 15 minute moments alone and detached from all the noise. And I’m not even sad but very satisfied and most comfortable in that manner ♥

♔ PHOTOGRAPHY: GILBO & SANTA YODA ♥ & BEING CHAOTIC-NEUTRAL ♔

♠ Gilbo getting lessons from Santa Yoda, zeh great Jedi Master on how to be influential to better seize more vital regions and most likely crush them~ VOOT VOOT~ 8D

♠ A paper doll given to me by my uber loving happy Abeeh as an advance birthday gift! It's an evil smirking paper doll version of Gilbert Weillschmidt/Gilbo!♥ It's difficult trying to preserve him since he's only made of paper but wheee~ KYOOT AMP! Also featured is the Santa Yoda snow dome I got at last year's Christmas XDD

♠ I took THIS pretty cool quiz which basically determines what type of Alignment you are, if we consider your ethical and moral views in a Dungeons and Dragons perspective. And my results categorize me as a CHAOTIC-NEUTRAL (and I lean on a more chaotic side) *smirk*. HECK, it even says I'm like Tyler Durden & Captain jack Sparrow, if we're talking about my moral-ethical viewpoints on things… :

"the Free-spirit, the Anarchist…Will keep their word if in their best interest… He is an individualist first and last. He values his own liberty but doesn't strive to protect others' freedom. He avoids authority, resents restrictions, and challenges traditions…"

June 9 2009 | Tuesday

MUSIC: Nichiyoubi - Amano Tsukiko
BOOK: Cryptonomicon - N. Stephenson | KOI:

♔ THE HEAT, ONCE AGAIN! ♔

♠ Last night I was happily fed by Val and her family, with dinner consisting of fluffy egg omelette with a combination of Quickmelt cheese and fat crab sticks and rice of course. Shared a good laugh with her and Christine when we finally finished Reefer Madness while being bothered by Alan Cumming’s weird roles in the movie musical though we can’t really complain because he’s rather cute and so English. We munched happily on cookies, chips and other things to satisfy our made sweet cravings. I let them watch ‘Running with Scissors’, which is one of the funniest and strangest movies I’ve ever owned. The movie is a psychologist’s dream and Val, being a student of psychology, enjoyed identifying each disorder they had 8D The worst of all was of course, Deirdre Burroughs. Though the movie still pales in comparison to the book, which was an excellent and addictive read (I finished it for one day). I wished they’d use more of those memorable dialogues in the books like this one:

“Men are sons of bitches. That would make you a sonofabitch, Augusten” He looked over at me.

“And you a bitch” he said to my mother.

“I’m the biggest bitch in the world,” my mother said, crushing her cigarette out in the soil of the potted jade plant on the coffee table.

“That’s very healthy” Finch said. “You need to be a bitch”.

My mother’s face tightened with pride and she raised her chin slightly. “Doctor, if being a bitch is healthy, then I am the healthiest damned woman on the face of the earth”.

Finch exploded in laughter, slapping his thighs.

I failed to see the humor in the situation. As far as I was concerned, my mother was a bitch, period. She was a rare psychotic-confessional-poet strain of salmonella.

♠ Manila weather is weird and apparently my brother and cousin have trouble adjusting with the constantly changing weather (they have a case of colds). Last night is was cold, wet and now terribly hot and dry, with the crickets rasping, buzzing and chirring outside as I write this entry. It annoys me, the weather. I’m fonder of the cool rain than this dry heat. And now once again I’m bored, laziness would overtake me anytime (which is also the same laziness why I haven’t written so much here). My mother insists I don’t go too far away since she’s terribly paranoid of me getting the flu virus. There were a notable number of people wearing face masks around the Ortigas area, she said. And I do agree with her. I can’t pretty much risk going out and getting a virus while this important school year starts. Though I can’t help but feel restricted here at home and I want to go out! Shopping has apparently become a need I find myself attending to lately… well, that was before I ran out of cash. I’m trying to keep my expenses at a minimum now but STILL—!

♠ I miss bords, pet and miah and even Michael. I wish I wouldn’t be in that situation where Michael is now, being faced with responsibilities of attending to his girlfriend and his needs and personal wants—hanging out with us. He has trouble with managing his time, on what he really would want for himself. I love him terribly but not in that romantic sense and it’s been bothering me lately that he’s become quite boring as of late. Miah and pet/Leo have been wonderful and ridiculous company—both new wonderful additions. We’ve all been insisting on a dates while eating some more pasta again (our staple food whenever we all go out). I’m bored. I wish I have a car or a willing individual who’d drive me wherever I want to and has a vehicle of course.

♔ QUIZZES ♔

♠ I got Katharine Hepburn in this QUIZ

♠ This quiz says that if I was a super villain, I'd be classified as the Professional.

♠ And it said I'd most likely fit in the Roman Civilization

♠ Yeaaaah I could basically identify written language with same skills as Tolkien HAHAHA

June 6 2009 | Saturday

MUSIC: Gone Too Long - Veltpunch
BOOK: Cryptonomicon - N. Stephenson | KOI:

♔ OLD JOURNALS ♔

♠ Cleaned my room first thing today and finally sorted out all my things. I found my old journals as well and it was so amusing to read what I’ve been up to back in the day. I realized I’ve kept that habit of being a compulsive writer when it comes to daily activities from the atmosphere when waking up to the final thoughts of the day. I started journaling in 6th grade and I’m rather glad I did. I’ve lots of accumulated memories, diligently jotted down by my 11 year old self (age where I started). High school was a pretty tough time for me but it’s like extremes—extreme depression (self-conflict, academic pressure) and extreme happiness (company of irreplaceable friends, Arts Club, books, STFN). St. Paul Pasig would always hold a special place in me.

Here are some of the clumsy, put-together words I found from a long, long time ago ♥

June 5 2009 | Friday

MUSIC: What new York Used to Be - The Kills
BOOK: Cryptonomicon - N. Stephenson | KOI:

♔ HETALIA AXIS POWERS ♔

♠ OMG! Hetalia Axis Powers~!!! KYAAAAH~!! *R on rabid fan girl mode* I’m hooked and am now an official Hetalia bohemian! But well, that’s what you get from a banned anime but it’s not about the stigma, it’s all absolute cuteness and it’s definitely another way to look and understand World History. It’s full of bouncy-ness and lots of running gags, as it is a parody of countries (as anthropomorphic characters) during the period of WWI and WWII. This web comic and short series (broadcasted only via web at official sites) makes use of the author’s understanding of world history and the hilarious stereotypes for each nation as the plotline. I have to commend the author for taking these details into mind and actually put them together to have imagined conversations and encounters between the nations in a particular point in history. It’s brilliant, I have to say. In fact it’s so brilliant that if a reader, who doesn’t have much of a background on world history, may really take into heart the comic given how it’s an ‘easy read’ and accept it wholly as the truth.

♠ Word of caution though. I’m not saying that Hetalia is bad but we cannot just be accepting so easily of prejudices or the mere face value of the nations as what the comic represents. The humor is quite abundant but we must remember that behind all these parodies, there’s a reason for it—real stories and beliefs that contribute to us. You cannot simply laugh off at Russia’s (Ivan’s) sadistic tendencies that appears on the strips without thinking back on WHY did the author represent him in that manner. At school a professor of mine described history through Georg Hegel’s perspective that history is progressive and not static. In that sense, everyday history is always coming about—being written and being re-written as well, as we learn more of our past. The creator of Hetalia shows this is his understanding, an ‘examination’ of our past and it has been re-written as this comic, represented in this manner that somehow reminds us of our responsibility rediscover our history.

♔ STILL HETALIA... BUT NOW LET'S TALK ABOUT GILBO ♥ ♔

♠ … Besides this concern of mine, could I just say I’m rather in love with Gilbert Weillschmidt a.k.a PRUSSIA. I LOVE HIM and apparently immediately made it into my male anime crushes list. But srsly I do lust for him! AHAHAHAHAHAHA 5 METERS amp~! (Those who read the comic would get what I meant AHAHA)~ Oh Gilby~ He’s rather cute (extremely, OVERLY) despite being an arrogant psycho mostly with that slightly coo-coo grin he has when agitated or getting worked up. Wait, he’s not just cute… he’s HOT. He’s practically a king! I would gladly rejoice in getting on his nerves~ In the comics, Gilbo-kun has a CUTE blog and… gah, given his character he’s one I’d love to make my fellow web master of my blog. We’d blog our exploits in dealing with intolerable people and our unbelievable ‘softer’ side 8D Gilbyyy~ If you’re crushing the other nation-tan’s vital regions, I WILL gladly crush yours 8D

This video, btw, is full of epic win. Portrays Glibo-kun appropriately along with younger sibling Ludwig (Germany)

♔ 'ROCK THE HOUSE' FASHION EDITORIAL feat. ROCK ICONS ♔

Hannelore Knuts as David Bowie and Diana Meszaros as Angela Bowie = EPIC. I love the expression of Knuts; not only is the androgyny there but she has that look of command, of authority nailed which kind of says ‘Yeah I’m the overload of awesomeness—deal with it’. It’s so Bowie. Besides, the choice of make-up, the clothes—perfect! You can see the full picture here.

♠ This picture is from one of my favourite fashion editorials ever and it could be found in the November 2001 issue of Vogue US which is appropriately titled Rock the House. It features rock icons that have made profound influence in the world of music and its shot by the talented Steven Meisel, which also happens to be one of my favourite fashion photographers. Oh yeah, Omahyra Mota as Prince is fucking EPIC. You can see her picture HERE

♠ Credits to: ecstasy-lover.livejournal.com for uploading the scans. I never thought I could find scans of these again when I saw the sample images a few years back on the Internet. So massive thanks to her!

June 2 2009 | Tuesday

MUSIC: The Once and Future King - Bloc Party
BOOK: Cryptonomicon - N. Stephenson | KOI:

♔ New Layout, New Birthday Celebrations ♔

♠ I’m very much in love with the new layout (which I didn’t make btw) since other than its simplistic, clean quality, the theme of the layout is a birthday celebration. And since its June… it all means my birthday is coming up! The month of June has always been memorable ever since because it’s a constant reminder that I’m being taken away from the comfortable recesses of my childhood and youth and at the same time being taken away from a ‘plaintive’ existence to another level via the start of the school year. It’s the same story every time June comes around. But I’m not complaining, at least for now. I’m turning 19 very soon and once 20 hits me next year, I’ll probably have that anxiety thing and smack myself exclaiming “GODS, I’m fucking 20…”

I’m not alone in celebrating my birthday this month of course. My friend Peps would also be celebrating his soon, also Miah and pet Leo and that’s what one of the signs that the three of us are kindred souls I believe…

♔ Night at the Museum 2 + DMC + Reefer Madness + FRIENDS = ♥ ♔

♠ I LOVE NIGHT AT THE MUSEUM 2~! I love, love the Pharaoh and his lisp! There’s always an extra “th” sound whenever he speaks and it’s adorable. The scene when his minions presented that there were also people who wanted in at the plan of world domination (Oscar the Grouch and Darth Vader) is priceless. HEE HEE~

Kah Mun Rah (when talking Darth Vader): Is that you breathing? Because I can't hear myself think! There's too much going on here; you're asthmatic, you're a robot. And why the cape? Are we going to the opera? I don't think so.

♠ CUUUTE~! ♥ Afterwards, we had long conversations on the amusing things life had presented to us recently, over late lunch. A reminder of what my vitality had been in the years that passed and how it always feels that way with those long-time friends. We laughed, looking fresh, flushed and bright-eyed. Chris had a dental procedure scheduled and so we parted eventually and Christine and I suddenly became Val’s house guests. First it was nachos with cheese and Jalapeno dip and then it was chocolate chips cookies, orange juice, water, more chocolate chip cookies and more of those nachos. And then homemade pepperoni pizza. Oh and more cookies~ 8D Eating is such a wonderful thing for us and gods, I could manage with my dinner consisting of those every time~ HAHA

♠ We watched the live-action movie of Detroit Metal City and it was wicked! ♥ Kenichi Matsuyama is more known for his portrayal of L in the live action Death Note but I have to say his other works like in Tsubaki Sanjuro should be noted especially his role here as Krauser II in DMC. My expectations for the movie since its release last year was definitely high and now after watching it, I have to say it didn’t disappoint. They’ve managed to come up with a great script and I’m rather glad of their choice of actors. Honestly, I can’t think of anyone matching up to the acting Kenichi-san put into the character of Shou/Krauser II. It was too good. The movie did justice to the anime and I LOVE, LOVE the manager (that was perfection in the movie)!

♠ The film’s shortcoming, for me, was the portrayal of Jagi, where he seemed too gay and too flamboyant and such a suck-up. I understand how Camus true nature was downplayed for a bit, as the production was probably trying to lessen the ‘offensive factors’ that may not be received well in the big screen (I mean come on, Camus is a pervert and practically a ‘criminal’ considering his bloomer collecting habit… he may sniff them too). But oh well, I enjoyed the movie so muuuuuch~ The penis hair cut joke was pretty hilarious~ 8D

Creeping like a communist, it's knocking at our doors
Turning all our children into hooligans and whores
Voraciously devouring the way things are today
Savagely deflowering the good ol' U.S.A.
It's Reefer Madness, Reefer Madness
(Reefer Madness, Reefer Madness)
Oh so mad!

♠ Reefer Madness~! ♥ Now I remember how I’m familiar with Alan Cumming—he’s the one who plays Nightcrawler on X-Men! HAH! Anyway, dear Val introduced to us ‘Reefer Madness’ which is actually a musical. And a musical indeed, filled with upbeat, catchy songs and plenty of hyper dancing to the style of the 1930s (the film’s time setting) that makes you bob your heads (believe me). The lyrics are a riot and hysterically funny such as the one above, which is the introduction song Alan Cumming sings. Oh yeah, this movie musical is all about marijuana in the era of the 30s of the U.S. Kristin Bell is in this movie, which is the movie that actually brought the spotlight to her and helped her get the starring of Veronica Mars. She’s so happy here that she’s like a bobble head. Ghed, she’s so perky and pink in this movie. BUT—I wasn’t able to finish this movie since my mom picked me up way earlier than expected. Reefer Madness~! One day (very very soon) I’ll be able to finish you 8D

May 26 2009 | Tuesday

MUSIC: Engine Driver - The Decemberists
BOOK: Cryptonomicon - N. Stephenson | KOI:

♔ R.R.J.L.M = ♥ ♔

♠ I fell asleep too early last night with Kuorichi (my computer) left running until 2 am and I was supposed to write a longer blog entry for yesterday. But anyways, I just came from my lovely best friend’s homely home, full from dinner that consisted of lasagna and beef stroganoff pasta that’s shared with other lovely friends. I love them as my other family; we’re not perfect as this ‘family’ and I never expect us to be. Individually, we don’t claim each one of us as a “single world”, a “single entity”. But it’s so wonderful how when we get together, we take what each one of us could give each other and from that we build our own world. I love that sense of companionship.We are so silly, with spastic and asthmatic laughs. These are my brothers, but we could interchange our roles as family members: they could be “moms” one day or I could be that “mom” and they could be so fatherly or we could all be “babies” one day and annoy the hell out of each other with our petty fights. Then we’d fall asleep on each others' shoulders and be safe like that.

♠ HWEE~ Aww bords, Miah, Leo and Mikeru (all of you individually mischievous and precious, as cheesy as it may sound)~ And as much as Mikeru doesn’t want me around (he almost pushed me at the stairs tonight), we’ll be hanging out after a few days again ♥

♠ And a quote that we all love for today: “ang kasiyahan ng aso ay nasusukat kung gaano siya napapakinabangan ng amo niya” 8D

♔ PHOTOGRAPHY: SUMMER BLOSSOM ♔

♠ I love this photograph taken by Natalie. The color saturation and composition are wonderful and it reminds me of summer.

♔ FRED FLARE, NEW PINK BOOKSHELVES, ETC. ♔

♠ Once again, I’ve been lurking about Fred Flare.com and I always end up drooling. Would someone get me things from Fred Flare on my birthday?! Their stuffs are so cute, darling, quirky and one-of-a-kind and I do hope they ship internationally. But if they do, I’m sure shipping something from them all the way here is too expensive. But still they have extraordinary things with happiness in the form of wearable cupcakes and bacon strip bandages 8D Check out their accessories section because it’s so much LOVE!♥

♠ I’m more in love with my room now. It still hasn’t changed with the clutter but I have to say it looks less cluttered now. There’s two new bookshelves in my room because the first two bookshelves can no longer hold my books and my mother understands how I’m concerned that my books are cramped in that limited space. The bookshelves are colored pink and when my mother told me that of course I annoyed since she knows how I’m not that fond of pink. But then it goes well with the color scheme of my room. As of now they have been filled (the other one still has empty cubicles, so if I ever buy more books they have a place to go to).

♠ This quiz tells me I’m from Uranus and how I’m “like to make people think because you realize that life is always changing”

♠ And this other quiz tells me that I’m called a Dowered Master when it comes to Lucid Dreaming. I’ve always thought I tend to remember my dreams more, with specific details (conversations, colors, the weather, and the textures like rough blankets, sharp rocks on the ground, sweaty skin, etc.) than most people and I’ve always liked that since I have a lot of interesting dreams.

♠ And this quiz tells me that I have a “Transmetropolitan” world as to which Imaginary World fits me. The Transmetropolitan universe is described as “…futuristic earth of Transmetropolitan. The City is an... interesting place to live, full of opportunity and brutality, bliss and suffering, intelligence and depths of ignorance unimaginable”. And the happenings involved in such world are: “try on a new body for a day, or a week? Want to drink and smoke and do drugs beyond your wildest dreams without any real negative effects (think "anti-cancer prescriptions")?... AHAHAHAHAHA~

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