12:46 p.m. Wednesday, July 2, 2003
god, sometimes i'd just love to smash my head on something. i'm so confused. okay, miss christian... tell me how noah got two of EVERYFUCKINGTHING onto a fucking boat. A BOAT. think about it!!! fourty days and fourty nights!! what the fuck did they eat!? what about the bugs? how did he get those onto the boat? did noah have little glass aquariums with heaters and bacteria for them to eat? what about the plants? surely they needed sun during this period of rain! what about them? ARRRRRRRRRRRRG!!!

the best thing to do is to just live life blindly and go along with it all...

12:20 p.m. Tuesday, July 1, 2003
okay... well right now i'm at the point where i have to fight seymour. but, seymour is a fucking maester. isn't that sacrelig or something? i mean... yevon is going to hate me forever now. i may as well just start using some fucking machina! HAH!

will, you'll get that.

however, in the real world, things are dandy. i had a great time at mk's yesterday. i'm over zak... we talked yesterday... it was nice. umm... i spent lastnight at katharine's house with katie and her. it was so much fun and hedwig was an excellent movie... back to FFX...

05:56 p.m. Monday, June 30, 2003
today was actually fun! umm... in the morning i went to katharine's house and listened to hedwig the angry inch... speaking of which; i have to call her. then we hung out at mk's with robert and nick and david. it was fun... yeah... i'm gunna go call kathatharine. lol...

11:50 a.m. Sunday, June 29, 2003
well... lemme see... i don't know how i could possibly have a good summer anymore, but somehow, i'm managing. on friday i went to the baseball game with katie and my dad. followed hot guys around, got harrassed by penis-less 30 year old men, dad got drunk. had a pretty good time, all and all. when we got home at 11, we went swimming in our underware and watched the emporer's new groove. it was fun.

robert's up here. it was a little shocking to find him and mk in my kitchen, but other than that i haven't gotten the chance to really talk to them. i really hope she's having lots of fun!

05:13 p.m. Thursday, June 26, 2003
blah. i give up. i'm moving to fucking morocco... but i have to learn how to spell it first. mark's moved in. robert's coming. zak's out. mk cant do anything yet. katharine's in myrtle beach. katie's not picking up her phone. agniya's in riga. megan's in england. grandma's at the doctor's. food is gone. want to go grocery shopping quite badly.

depression is for losers and dumb fucks. i'm not ridding the world of myself, i'll give you more. reverse psychology. it's crazy, i tell you, crazy. i don't know what's going on. i'm lost, but it's more fun that way...
robert's coming!!! i'm so happy for mk!! less than a year ago we were both relationship-less retards... NOW IT'S JUST ME!!!

ACK!

04:21 p.m. Tuesday, June 24, 2003
well, golly gosh gee! i'm just having to much fun with life to let anything bum me out. today is the almighty mk's birthday (happy birthday, sweetie) and tomorrow is mark's. i am only becoming involved with mark's for the tempting offer of cherry nut cake. delicious... summer is awesome so far. i can tell already that i'm not going to be able to keeo all of my friendships, and that's a shame... but people change... and so do i. when mom gets home in about a half an hour i'm bleaching my hair... they say that blondes have more fun... we'll just have to see. i'll be more white-headed, though... due to the fact that i'm poor and can't afford hair dye. poop. i'm thinking pink is my next color if this whole blonde thing doesn't work out. ahh, well. friday mom is off work and i'm thinking the mall will be my destination. i'm not sure who is going to accompany me. i'm going to bug mk about it... but robert's coming up on saturday and they have to 'prepair' the house... IT'S NOT DIRTY!!! ahhhhh!!!

robert is from texas.
they eat smooshed stuff from the streets and attend rodeos in their spare time!!!

AHHHHHHHHHHHH!!! it's still so crazy to think my lil mk is all grown up and has a boyfriend!!! awww... it's so CYOOOOOOOUUUUTE!!

01:47 p.m. Tuesday, June 24, 2003
well, i was just waiting for it to happen. it's not like i was looking foreword to it, but guess what? it did. nothing i can do now. i'm not mad... just a little depressed.

death.
09:08 a.m. Tuesday, June 24, 2003
well, i'm tired as hell and there's nothing i can do about it. slept over at mk's house last night. stayed up until 5:00 this morning. i'm dying inside, for a multitude of reasons... namely due to the fact that everything is fucked up and i'm tired and i just realized that my life is based apon false hope.
i don't know what i'm doing.
i hope it's right.


fuck it. i don't care if it's right.

02:20 p.m. Monday, June 23, 2003
howdy, howdy, howdy. in nicks room. nothing to say. why am i here?

05:50 p.m. Sunday, June 22, 2003
ARRRRRRRRRRG!!!
my eyes hurt like a fucking bitch. i hate these stupid contacts. i miss my glasses. they're coming in about a week... or so. i dunno. anyways, i'm rather tempted to pour this stupid faygo in my stupid, dry eyes. i'm going to, or i want to ,rather, explode. i'm tired and i need a nap. however, i can't sleep. i lay down and think. i don't sleep. i think. DAMN YOU, BRAAAAAAAAAAAAIN! DAMN YOU TO HELL!

i mean... i do have alot to think about, if you think about it...


i've found that i really love reel big fish. the feeling of there stuff is awesome. it's ska... but, you know... not.

11:24 p.m. Saturday, June 21, 2003
well, i had a better than spiffy time tonight. finding nemo was great and zak is a totally righteous guy (i'm using words besides awesome). we spent almost 3 hours wondering around b-ham and then we went to coney island. i met a few neat people and even ran into mark and greg. sorry for leaving out the raunchy details, katharine lol. kidding, kidding. but he's so funny and cute and polite (in a non-freakish way) and sweet and charming and HOT and... just... everything. i'm so glad i finnally met someone LIKE me. this rocks. i hope we can keep it up.

looks like the rusin family is pimpin' tonight, my dad also has a radical girlfriend over. i'm really happy for him.



i like pancakes.

08:15 a.m. Saturday, June 21, 2003
i feel great about EVERYTHING. i realize it may not have been "good" for me to do that, but it's not like anything really happened. it was just a kiss. nothing more. and for what it's worth, it feels like i've known him forever. we're going to the movies today. so what if you don't like him? i don't like alot of people's friends, but do i say anything? nope. katharine, for instance, i heard you were bitching to nolan about it all. i hate nolan. you like him. do i ever tell you to stop because of that? no way, that would be mean for me to do that. the only person i can appreciate right now through all of this, is megan. eventhough she brought me down from my high on life, she also knocked some sense into my head. today is going to be good. whether you like it or not.

02:05 a.m. Saturday, June 21, 2003
well... life's a soap opera... as always. i went to that jamfest thingy. t'was neat. met some cool kids. one especially cool kid. i had fun.

i'm going to the movies tomorrow. it's gunna be fun. sorry to be so brief but i'm tired and attempting to keep things on the downlow.

04:13 p.m. Thursday, June 19, 2003
cedarpoint was absolutely wonderful beyond belief. i had so much fun. it was the perfect conclusion to the most perfect year. i am in complete disbelief at the amount of friends i have made in this last year alone. if i haven't reached heaven on earth yet, life is going to be excellent. i made 2 new friends yesterday, as well. one, ryan, is especially awesome because he's going to athens next year too. he's from david's swim team and went to smith. he hung out with david linda amy and i... and didn't find us weird! it was crazy. i'm supprised we didn't get kicked out of the resturant we ate at. it all began with linda's moonwalk and before we knew it, we were cracking up about cheesecake, ents and shiny pennies. anyways... summer seems like it's going to be alot of fun. tomorrow i'm going to the jamfest with jaime, linda, rigel, david and matt. it's going to be fun, i don't know what we're going to do, though. maybe we'll hang out... or prehaps we'll "jam". who knows? anyways... i'm off...

02:00 p.m. Tuesday, June 17, 2003
okay. the dance was unbelievably fun yesterday. i danced with everyone and got really hot, but you know. the cafeteria looked so i good. i almost died. everything was great, besides the fact that natalie got even more pissed at me and matt licked my hand (XD i don't know why). i ate a bunch of pizza and drank a shit-load of pop. after the dance, megan came over and we walked around and such... umm... yeah... then i went over to mk's and played basketball in the pool with nick and david until 8:00-ish. today was the last day of school, and somehow i managed not to cry until the end of 6th hour when mrs. gagnon gave me a letter about how interesting i am and how much she respects me. it was a little embarrassing because mark was sitting in front of me saying, 'you're not crying, are you?'... over and over. afterwords we went out to luch and only managed to get a little shaving creamed. mk and megan showed up so we took up three entire tables (katharine, katie, megan, megan, mk, agniya, suzi, david, and i). tomorrow i'm going to cedar point with about 1/4 of the class. mark and i are going to be partners. i really hope the dragster's open! *crosses fingers* see you in 2 days!

02:30 p.m. Sunday, June 15, 2003
i'm not getting involved in any of this.

sigh
05:12 p.m. Saturday, June 14, 2003
well, today at the zoo was okay. i'm glad katie went with us. it was nice being with the family (especially dominick, HAH) but it was hotter than hell and waaaaay too sunny for my liking. lately i've really been thinking alot and i feel like i have a big pit in my soul, like where something used to be... or where something needs to be. i'm not sure what it is, but i think i know. i need someone, someone special. everybody else has a person that they're in love with. mk has robert, megan has tyler, mark has katy... i, on the other hand, have no one and will probably never find anyone. i'm not like anyone else and people are looking for other people like themselves. the dance is on monday and i feel that i'm going to be humbled by the fact that i'm a lonely fucker. i try not to focus on the bad stuff, but there's just been too much bad stuff going on lately. mark's moving in at the end of the month, i'm really not looking foreword to that. i know, bitch bitch bitch, but that's what i do... anyways... i'm going to go be depressed and listen to cat stevens...

pee
09:30 a.m. Saturday, June 14, 2003
dying leviathan: i peed on your cat
apacheXrose: x.x
apacheXrose: why?
apacheXrose: poor kittie
dying leviathan: because he smelled nice

05:58 p.m. Friday, June 13, 2003
If I were a month I would be: august
If I were a day of the week I would be: friday
If I were a time of day I would be: 12:00 p.m.
If I were a planet I would be: pluto
If I were a sea animal I would be:a seal
If I were a direction I would be: south, southwest
If I were a piece of furniture I would be: a coffee table
If I were a sin I would be: pre-marital sex
If I were a historical figure I would be: janis joplin
If I were a liquid I would be: lava
If I were a stone, I would be: keith richards... ha ha ha...
If I were a tree, I would be: a weeping wilow
If I were a bird, I would be: a blue jay... and i'd steal babies...
If I were a tool, I would be: a hammer... named maxwell... god, i'm a nerd...
If I were a flower/plant, I would be: a poppy
If I were a kind of weather, I would be: a warm summer rain
If I were a mythical creature, I would be: a unicorn...
If I were a musical instrument, I would be: a bass
If I were an animal, I would be: a platypus
If I were a color, I would be: green
If I were an emotion, I would be: joy
If I were a vegetable, I would be: eggplant
If I were a sound, I would be: a laugh... colleen's laugh...
If I were an element, I would be: wind
If I were a car, I would be: a blue GTO
If I were a song, I would be: express yourself by NWA
If I were a movie, I would be directed by: myself
If I were a book, I would be written by: anonymous
If I were a food, I would be: watermelon
If I were a place, I would be: New Orleans
If I were a material, I would be: velvet
If I were a taste, I would be: chocolate
If I were a scent, I would be: lilacs outside my window in the spring :)
If I were a religion, I would be: buddhism
If I were a word, I would be: original
If I were an object, I would be: a spoon
If I were a body part I would be: the collarbones
If I were a facial expression I would be: a biiiig smile :)
If I were a subject in school I would be: theater arts
If I were a cartoon character I would be: betty rubble
If I were a shape I would be a: trapezoid
If I were a number I would be: 68
If I were a comic strip character I would be: linus

04:20 p.m. Friday, June 13, 2003
by the way, i won best dressed in the mock elections... so obviously some people like the way i dress... some people being the entire eighth grade.


i also won loudest... i wonder why...

express yourself
03:54 p.m. Friday, June 13, 2003
Whatch a brother playin' dope rhymes with no help. There's no fessin' and guessin' While I'm expressin myself. It's crazy to see people be What society wants them to be. But not me! i choose to dress how i like. that's how i express myself. i can't write poetry, i can't dance, and there's no way i can sing... so dressing is my outlet. i don't dress like a whore. if you think i do... then you obviously have never seen a whore. my mom has no problem with the way i dress, nor does my dad, or the principle, or any of the teachers at my school, or my family, or anyone at my school, or anyone that really matters (for that matter). i feel that i am polite and nice (as i can possibly be to some people). i get good grades in school, i've been on the honor roll all year. as of today, i don't do drugs, i don't smoke ciggarettes, and i treat my parents with the respect that they deserve (because they respect me and my choices). i can talk to my mother about anything and i could sit around with my dad for hours and tell and listen to stories. i have my parents trust, and i don't plan to do anything in the near future to lose that trust.if anyone doesn't like what i do, that's too bad for them.

i'm going to the zoo with my family and katie tomorrow. i'm proud that my family does things with me and doesn't treat me like one of the dogs.

moo
10:41 a.m. Wednesday, June 11, 2003
moo. i care!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

11:00 a.m. Tuesday, June 10, 2003
I LOOOOOVE YOU, KATHARINE AND KATIE!! you're the best roomates!!! i looooove you tooooo megan!! feel better!

09:33 a.m. Sunday, June 8, 2003
call me a loser but i actually cried last night out of happiness for the first time in my entire life. i know it sounds silly, but here's the story... we were on our way home from the movie and everyone was screaming at me as always. all my mom's friends were talking about how they would shave my head bald if i was 'theirs'. the whole time i just wanted to scream, IM NOT YOURS. but i didn't. i convinced mom to stop at petco so i could pick up a mouse and a plant for camilla. she did and the plant cost me 14 dollars, but that's a small price to pay for millie :) yes, yes... anyways... we got home and i put the mouse in her cage and closed it. i shut the blinds and walked out of the room (it was 9:30-ish so it was dark). generally the first few minutes are spent waking up and realizing the mouse is in the cage, and that's on the times that she does eat (she ahsn't eaten for almost 2 months straight). so i walked in the room three minutes later and turned the light on to see what she was doing, if she was even awake, and the mouse's head was already down her throat. i did some weird dance of victory that i don't even remember anymore and then i just started to cry... and it was like, what the hell? i'm supposed to be happy. well, i was... and i am. that relieved alot of tension in my house and my mom and i have gotten along great all morning, it's weird, but i could get very used to this.

03:37 p.m. Friday, June 6, 2003
well... let me see... life is so fucking boring... and other than that it's just a gross soup of mixed emotions. i don't know what i feel. i don't know how i feel. hell, i'll be damned if i feel... but that's beside the point. i haven't told anyone... BUT I HAVE A SECRET! wow. me... lauren... a secret? that's crazy shit. i don't feel like saying anything right now because it would piss more than a few people off, but i'm sure some of you are able to guess. anyways... yeah... i'm going to stay at my gran's tonight and then i'm going to the mall tomorrow with my crazy mom. i'm going to buy some hairdye... probably pink and... some other color... i dunno. whatever my creative soul desires. i love being able to say that. anyways... ummm... i shall depart!!!

09:42 a.m. Tuesday, May 27, 2003
welp... i changed my hair again and saskia and kevin came down from canada. we had a big BBQ wtith saskia, kevin, georgia, mark, nancy, cameron, gran, plus the rest of the family. it was very inpromptu, but we pulled it off well. anyways... i'm gonna go. cleveland on friday.

the beautiful people
08:30 p.m. Sunday, May 25, 2003
today was nice. katie slept over last night. it was fun. i bought an INVU comic and katie and i got high on fu fu berry jones. the whole family came over for our quaint little barbeque and i had a veggie burger and vegitarian baked beans. my aunt tre also informed me that my cousins have grown out their hair to my length. i can't wait to see them over the summer. i also bought some new hairdye called fish bowl, it's supposed to be almost aqua marine. we're going to do it tomorrow. i also started a collection of "homies"... little 'ghetto' action figures. i currently have four and one looks like a native american pimp XD i also bought a bunch of new CDs including american caesar (iggy pop), the war on errorism (NOFX), Wish (cure), and voodoo lounge (the stones).

11:01 a.m. Saturday, May 24, 2003
right now i'm babysitting at my nextdoor neighbor's house but cameron's sleeping already do i figured i'd update. his parents will be home at about 1:30, 2-ish and then dad's gunna pick me up and take me to the mall really quick to buy more hair dye (possibly a lighter blue) and pick up a random CD because i need something to listen to on the bus ride to cleveland. after that i'm not sure what we're doing, but tomorrow is the annual BBQ at meh dad's. katharine and katie are coming to hang out wif the family and we're going to have veggie burgers and baked beans and potatoe salad... and right now, as i write this, my parents are opening my pool in the rain. hoorah. i'm not going to get to use it for a few weeks, but what the hell, eh?

06:08 p.m. Friday, May 23, 2003
well... i was going to type a long entry but i forgot everything because, get this, my little sister almost killed camilla.
yes, killed. i don't know how it happened but i got home from getting pizza with my mom and i had trusted lindsey with camilla for the five minutes we were gone. i turned the corner to go into the bathroom and i find my little sister holding the back-half of camilla with the rest of her in the drawer under the sink. i shreiked and puched her out of the way. the only way to get her out was to let her go in under the sink through the drawer. so i let her go and she immediately wedged herself between the sink and the counter. i had to carefully pry her out while lying on all of my mothers beauty products. it took about a half-hour, but i did it and lindsey is never touching my baby again.

08:50 a.m. Thursday, May 22, 2003
well, yesterday we had our portfolio interviews at the school. we've spent all year prepairing for 15 minutes of time with a member of the troy chamber of commerce, going over a portfolio that, frankly, means nothing at all. i wore my pretty polka dot dress and my chucks... though i don't feel dressing up was needed. then i spent all of first and second hour interviewing people coming in and out of their interviews for the "bobcat video". anyways, after boring school was over, i went to the track meet with jaime and katie. we spent the whole time either talking to david (now my husband) or stalking this hot kid named collin... he had really nice hair but steven ruined it when he came up to me and told me that he looked like jesus from behind... i guess he actually does. but he's still hot. i'm not saying jesus is hot... really, i'm not...

09:23 a.m. Tuesday, May 20, 2003
ok... so apparently marykate is mad at me. everyone is always mad at me.... but guess why! BECAUSE I DYED MY HAIR! i'm happy about it and i'm not letting her get me upset about it.

03:20 p.m. monday, May 19, 2003
the play was so great! i was so afraid but it all turned out uber-excellent. i'm so glad that today we do it for the last time. it's been fun, but i'm really glad that it's over.

09:27 a.m. Monday, May 19, 2003
camilla hasn't eaten. the mouse is still in her cage. last night it was climbing around upside down on the top of the cage and falling into the water bowel. i'm concerned about her, but i shouldn't be. ball pythons can go for multiple months without food, and she's still in obviously great health. ah well... i wathced equilibrium yesterday with mk. it was really good. later.

04:00 p.m. Sunday, May 18, 2003
yesterday we went to see the matrix. it was an AWESOME movie. too bad i didn't pay attention to the last minute due to the fact that i thought i was going to spontaniously combust because my bladder hurt so bad. after the movie was over mk agniya and i ran out, pushing people out of our way. we then returned to watch the trailer for revolutions. i think we're going to go see it for my birthday. last night katharine and katie slept over. at around 11 we went for a walk and got us 'sum poosie' and some jones... when katharine first saw the bottle she was like... POOSIE? what's poosie? we looked at it for a second and then realization hit. OOOOOH! PUSSY! ha ha ha ha! some pussy! ha ha ha ha. the rest of the night was spent walking around making sexual inuendos involving 'sum poosie'. it was entertaining... anyways... i got my film developed... the pictures are interesting. i'm going to either have mk or megan scan them in... anyways... it's off to be bored. taa.

matrix
09:40 a.m. Saturday, May 17, 2003
today i have a game at 1:45 and then it's over to megan's for her birthday party! we're going to see the matrix reloaded and then we'll go hang out at her house. tomorrow i'm going to stop being lazy and walk from my dad's house to the ten o'clock service at st. andrews. i haven't been in a few weeks. afterwords i'm going to spend the morning planting flowers with my dad and such. anyways... i'm going to go mow the lawn, and megan if you happen to read this, i'll still be at your house at around 3:15 but i'm going to have to change out of my soccer clothes there. it'll take about five minutes, but still. i'm going to call you later to let you know, but just incase.

play
09:11 p.m. Friday, May 16, 2003
today was nice at school. we went to the masonic temple *creeepy* and saw a few plays (the tell-tale heart, the legend of sleepy hollow, the necklace, the monkey's paw and the celebrated jumping frog of *something* county). being from the ghetto, surrounded by other (very unfortunate) schools... we couldn't leave without leaving a lasting imprint apon the other school children's life... well... i don't know... it was just fun... i've gotten lazy. damn me.

07:56 p.m. Wednesday, May 14, 2003
awww! aren't they cute! i think i'm happier with this layout because i like green alot better than i like red... i don't think i really even have the right to call it a new version because i didn't change much. but, come on.... give me a break... i don't know html for shit.

07:33 p.m. Wednesday, May 14, 2003
this morning was spent at the funeral home and church and, finnally, the cemetary. it was a nice funeral with a nice lunch at the golf club afterwords. i suppose it's for the better but watching him be lowered into the ground was quite sad. i started to cry during the service but it was really only for my own selfishness. he's gone somewhere much better than here and i'm jealous. afterwords, i got home at around 2-ish and mk came over after school let out. we walked over to megans and brought her back to my house. we then took a roll of film and spent the entire thing on pictures of us... oh... and one of camilla. we did everything from kissing x.x to posing half-nude... don't ask... megan's gay was rubbing off on us all ;)

09:55 a.m. Tuesday, May 13, 2003
this morning was absolutely explosive. partly because my mother hates me, partly because i'm an asshole of a child. it was a visious battle and now my mother says that i am not going to my grandpa's funeral (it's not even her father, it's my dad's and that's my right to go visit him) because i have 'nothing to wear'. fuck her. i can put together a decent outfit in no time flat. she also says that now i'm not dying my hair blue. once again, fuck her. i'll do whatever i damn well please. she's a total bitch and now everyone knows it. i can't stand her and she makes my life miserable.

05:56 p.m. Monday, May 12, 2003
FUCK IT. i'm an idiot an i cant quite handle looking at html for 3 straight hours. i'll fix the comment thing tomorrow after the funeral... oh yeah, and my grandpa ed died.

05:29 p.m. Monday, May 12, 2003
well... this is it for now i guess. i finnally have a blog! hoorah! (for previous dates please feel welcome to visit my old ujournal at www.ujournal.org/~punkpoptart475)

05:38 p.m. Sunday, May 11, 2003
testing